Tag: mental health

Abandonment Anxiety– Video corrupted See https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XQWUYWeiHB0

 
 this episode was pre-recorded as part of a live continuing   education webinar on-demand CEUs are still available for this presentation   through all CEUs registered at all CEUs comm slash counselor toolbox I’d like to welcome everybody today to the presentation love me doesn’t leave me addressing   fears of abandonment the purpose of this presentation is really to help us help clients   increase their awareness of their story including beliefs about behavioral reactions to situations   that trigger their fear of abandonment so how do we do that well the first thing we need to   figure out is what fear of abandonment is and how can we identify it in a clinical set setting then   we’re going to explore the concept of schemas or core beliefs and these are things that are formed   in early childhood you know if you remember prior classes we’ve talked about early childhood   cognition is generally very dichotomous in children young children don’t have the ability to look at   that gray area so these schemas if they’ve gone unchecked can lead to some very extreme belief   patterns which lead us into common traps in thinking reacting and relationships if your   schemas are based on all-or-nothing you either love me or you’re going to leave me hence the   name of the book then your reactions are going to tend to be more extreme and more all-or-nothing   which increases anxiety because then anytime a person who perceives any amount of disapproval   obviously is going to go to that extreme so we want to talk about bringing it more toward the   middle line and helping people learn to appreciate and love themselves for themselves while they may   not approve of the behaviors of other people they can still love other people so just because somebody   doesn’t approve of your behavior doesn’t mean necessarily that they’re going to abandon you so   we’re going to talk about that and then we’ll learn skills necessary to help people accept   their past as part of their story maybe they do have a lot of abandonment issues and you know   some people do and it really is painful it cuts to the core especially when those abandonment   issues occur in early childhood when kids going what that does so we’re going to talk about that   and help people learn how to integrate it into their present and we’ll learn the skills necessary   to acknowledge that their past does not have to continue to negatively impact them in the present   so if they were abandoned when they were a child you know we need to deal with that however if they   continue to expect that every significant person in their life will abandon them notice I use the   word every because we’re still in those extremes then they’re going that the past is negatively   impacting them in the present so we’ll talk about how to sort of moderate those belief systems how   does this impact recovery whether you’re talking about addiction or mental health issues connection   is a basic human need we are not meant for the most part to be Hermits in the middle of the   woods there are introverts and in my husband’s an introvert he has a couple of really good friends   he needs quiet time each day he doesn’t need to be surrounded by people and he’s fine but I mean   we’ve got human connection he’s not going to be one that’s just going to you know move out to the   middle of nowhere I’m an extrovert on the other hand and I tend to have a lot of acquaintances   and a lot of friends I draw energy from being around other people so just because   someone doesn’t have 150 acquaintances doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t need connections so   we want to recognize that connection is a basic human need when infants are born they are put   on their mother’s chest when we embrace each other whether it’s mother and child or friends   or whatever a chemical called oxytocin is released and it’s our bonding chemical we are programmed we   are hardwired for connection and oxytocin is a very rewarding chemical so we want to recognize   this that if people are so afraid of abandonment that they push everybody away what are they losing   as far as quality of life as infants and children survival is dependent upon the relationship with   the primary caregiver so if mom or dad wasn’t happy if mom or dad was rejecting the young   child was pretty much helpless to think about a child who’s growing up in a family that’s just riddled   with addiction and mental health issues and the primary caregiver or caregivers are completely   emotionally unavailable they may be physically there but they may be so high or so depressed or   so psychotic that they cannot attend to the children’s need what does that communicate to   the child feels abandoned the child feels a sense of neglect for people’s beliefs about   other people and relationships were formed largely based on their interactions with their caregivers   so if this child was going mom I’m hungry and nothing happened or worse yet child was going   mom I’m terrified and nothing happened or they were just given a pacifier and told to shut up   then that is they were told they were communicated to that their beliefs their feelings their wants   and their needs were not important so they were being rejected healthy relationships serve up as   a buffer against stress so even if they had all these negative experiences in early childhood teenage years you know maybe up until they walked into your office it doesn’t mean it   has to continue and how much can they gain from having healthy relationships with a lot of clients   that I work with who have pretty significant abandonment issues can’t even fathom trusting   someone enough to be in a healthy relationship so we’re going to talk about how to sort of ease into   that because you’re not going to say don’t let your past influence your future and we’ll wave   a magic wand and they’re ready to trust people even once you point out that what happened in   the past was largely not their fault or maybe not even their fault at all they’re still going   to have difficulty not accepting responsibility and going everybody leaves me so what talk about   that addressing beliefs that formed as a result of these relationships the past dysfunctional   relationships we can help people create a new understanding of events was mom or dad or   caregiver really being rejecting were you being abandoned emotionally and physically because of   you or because mom or dad just was able to do what they needed to do to be a caregiver at that point   in time they were doing the best they could with the tools they had but it wasn’t enough to meet   your needs so we want to talk about alternate explanations for why parents and caregivers may have   behaved in that way if you have a young child well an adult now but who was put up for adoption or   abandoned by their caregivers at a young age the a young child was probably very confused because   one moment their caregiver was there in the next moment they were in the system so they were   trying to figure out what did they do wrong and why doesn’t that person love me anymore it must be   me because children really can’t see well you know mom is not able to function as a parent   right now or dad is having difficulty coping we want to help people better understand themselves   in their reactions so that when they start getting this urge to just cut all ties and be like you   know what fine you know I’ll take my ball and go home no problem what does that mean at there’s a   certain point in all relationships in all healthy relationships that you know sometimes people have   to distance themselves from one another because it’s becoming dysfunctional but for the most part, people will in relationships encounter hiccups will encounter disagreements but in   healthy relationships, they can work through them in relationships with people who fear   abandonment there are going to be two extremes there’s going to be complete compliance and   please don’t leave me or complete disengagement and whatever I don’t care the final thing we want   to do is help make people more conscious of what they’re doing so they can make healthy   decisions in their current relationships so when they get that urge to either comply or disengage   is that a healthy normative reaction right now or are you reacting out of your past experiences the abandonment experience in childhood survival depends on caregivers a four-year-old left alone   for five days is not going to do so well you know they may be able to scavenge food but   once the food runs out where do they get it you know there’s only so much that a child   can do an infant can’t even get their own food so survival depends on their caregivers and if   their caregivers fail to meet those needs there are high levels of anxiety and I will refer regularly   to caregivers who are emotionally unavailable and emotionally absent in addition to physically   unavailable or absent because some parents and I worked in the field of co-occurring disorders for   over two decades and some parents just they are so overwhelmed and so paralyzed by life itself they   can’t even attend to anything else that’s going on they’re doing good just to be breathing but   if they have a child and that child’s needs are getting neglected and fear of abandonment is a natural   survival response when your food source goes away what happens you start to freak the freak out so   this is normal we look at this and say that that’s that’s natural if a child thinks about the first   time you take a child to kindergarten or pre-k or daycare or whatever it is and you drop the   child off even if they’re securely attached what do they cry because they’re afraid that   mom or dad won’t come back and they’re afraid of this new situation that’s changed securely attached   children will you know adjust and then be happy to see mom or dad when they come back but the point   is there’s that initial oh crap reaction meeting biological needs and safety are key triggers for   anxiety at any age so we’re talking about housing we’re talking about safety we’re thinking about   Maslow’s hierarchy if somebody is not meeting the child’s needs or if the person is not getting   their needs met then they may have high levels of anxiety and I add to the safety concept not   only physical safety but also emotional safety people need to feel safe in their own heads and   they need to be free from emotional abuse when focused on survival people can’t focus elsewhere   so if they’re not getting their physical needs met guess what you know if you take somebody who   is in pain who is sick who is hungry and who is homeless are they going to work on self-esteem   are they going to work on relationship skills no, they’re focused on survival they need to have   those basic needs met they need to have a certain sense of security if they are in a situation that   is dangerous physically obviously they’re not going to be focusing on how can I better myself   when they’re worried about somebody coming in and hurting them physically likewise it’s hard to   focus on how can I better myself when everywhere they turn they perceive someone telling us you’re   not okay you’re stupid you’re lazy you’re bad you were the worst decision I ever made in my   life they can’t focus on personal growth when all they’re getting is these verbal beatdowns all the time so people need to have acceptance if they don’t have acceptance kind of the opposite of   acceptance is abandonment two kinds of extremes again we’ll bring it back to the middle every   stressful situation becomes a crisis the in securely attached child now you can go back to   and read Bowlby’s work on secure and all that kind of stuff great reading but for the short version   of this presentation remember that certs securely attached children feel anxiety when their parents   leave but then they can adjust and they’re happy to see the parents return in securely attached   children feel a great amount of anxiety when their parents leave and are terrified that mom or   dad won’t come back and then when mom or dad does come back it’s your very very clingy or very very   rejecting so with this child that’s in securely attached it’s just like one to a hundred as soon   as something happens that they think they may be abandoned you see this pattern again in adults who   are still struggling with these abandonment issues that schema that they’ve formed and I’m getting a   little ahead of myself that schema that they form says if you let this person at your site or if   this person disagrees with you or if this person criticizes you they’re rejecting you and they’re   going to abandon you so we want to you know check in with those cognitions and look for trying to   make those thoughts a little bit more helpful in infancy or early childhood if caregivers were away   for long periods of time because of work because of military, if they were in jail if they just   chose to be away or if they passed away children may experience some abandonment issues now if   the parents are away because a parent is a way because of work or military or even jail and the   other parent can help the child work through it there’s much less drama if you will there’s much   less issue with abandonment issues in totality now if it’s whatever parent it is if the pay, if the father happened to be the one, went away that person may have some residual issues with   adult figures in their life that they need to deal with but they may not know I’m not saying that   every child of a soldier or a service person is going to have abandonment issues that are so   not true however if the experiences of the time apart was not handled in a way where the child   felt secure then it could have consequences that are going into present-day if in early childhood   caregivers were inconsistently or unpredictably physically or emotionally present so think about   a parent who has major recurrent major depressive disorder addiction or is just ill-equipped to deal   with a child when I was working at the treatment center in Florida I had 14 15 16-year-old young   women coming in and having babies and you know what does a 14-year-old know about giving birth   and raising a child so it’s not that they weren’t necessarily trying you know they didn’t have great   role models raising them in most cases and so they don’t have anything to work with they don’t know   how to be a parent they’ve never been taught so it’s not always I don’t want to pathologize or   make the parents look like bad people because I believe that people do the best they can with   the tools they have at any given time parents don’t choose to be sucky parents sometimes it   happens but I really don’t believe they choose to anyhow off my soapbox in later childhood as the   child becomes elementary school middle school age if they’re a poor family fit or they feel   like they’re the black sheep they just don’t have the same beliefs that the other people do   they don’t seem to have the same interest that their family does they may not feel accepted   especially if the family’s going no that’s wrong to believe and invalidate them so going back to   that psychological safety if they’re constantly being told their ideas are stupid they’re wrong   they have the wrong point of view and they can feel very isolated something can happen that   ruptures the relationship with the primary care giver whether it’s abuse or you know some kind   of other trauma and introduction of a new less an emotionally or physically safe caregiver can also   lead to abandonment if the child feels like the biological caregiver chose a new spouse over him   or her say if you see where I’m going with that because if this new person comes in and is less   safe is abusive in some way emotionally physically sexually it doesn’t matter the child is going to   feel like they didn’t have a voice the child is going to feel like the biological caregiver   didn’t care and brought this other person in any way which leads to feelings of rejection   and abandonment so what are the reactions fight-or-flight whenever there’s a threat we   fall back to fight or flight or freeze but we’ll talk about that when there’s a threat our anxiety   goes up and we say in the past in these kinds of situations, if I fought, did I succeed if so then   we’ve got fights in the past did I succeed and if the answer’s no then the response is to flee pretty simply so anger towards someone who’s unavailable if they got angry and felt like it got them   some sort of acceptance from somewhere that might be the prevailing reaction sadness when someone   goes away a sense of helplessness this person just left me shame or self-anger about feeling   needy or about pushing someone away fears related to rejection and isolation, nobody will ever love my loss of control or the unknown everybody always leaves see how I’m using these extreme   words again and fear of failure I can’t maintain a relationship nobody wants to be with me because   I’m not good enough so the questions for clients in these situations what caused these fears as a   child so when someone starts to have these fears about a relationship if the relationship starts   to get rocking first question is what is it that you’re afraid of in this situation if you stay   together what is it that you’re afraid of if this the person leaves what is it you’re afraid of and how   likely is it that this person is going to leave based on whatever is going on right now so let’s   get some objective evidence here and another the tool you can use is the challenging questions   worksheet in cognitive processing therapy if you google it challenging questions worksheet   CPT or cognitive processing therapy really helps people walk through the logic in some of their   cognitions and identify some know unhelpful distortions so then after you figure out kind of   what the fear is then we say what caused that as a child in the past when you felt like this what   caused that and how was this reasonable or helpful you know in the past when you felt like this and   you reacted in anger what was the outcome and how was it helpful in some sort of way you know   did it get somebody to pay attention to you did it gets somebody to come comfort you, okay so you   were identifying the function of the current behaviors and then we want to say what causes   these fears now a lot of times it’s the same symp or similar stuff but we could say how are these   reactions now unhelpful because as independent you know adult-type people we can fend for ourselves   we can put food on the table we can go to work we can do we can function independently whereas this   is a child we couldn’t you know there were just some barriers to that does that mean again that   we should live in isolation and say well I don’t need anybody no that’s not what I’m   saying what I’m saying is is these fears that are overwhelming about abandonment that causes   people to push others away or cling on like you know whatever clings on uh are these reactions   helpful in the present day you know do you still need to hold on to people like there’s no tomorrow temperament based on their temperament children need different types and amounts of caregiver   interaction um some children are wide open and easily overstimulated you know my son was that   way when he was born well to this very day um when he’s awake he is like the Energizer Bunny   on methamphetamine I’m he’s just going going going and talking and talking to himself and   he needed a lot of structure and he would get overstimulated easily but we were able to help   him figure out how to handle that instead of getting mad at him for what seemed to be acting   out we were able to help him channel and figure out when he needed to take a break the introvert   may not need as much one-on-one attention with the caregiver may need a comforting word   here and there but they may not need the amount of the attention that an extrovert may need an extrovert   tends to need more interaction with parents with family with other people because they draw energy   and they think while they talk and they think while they talk with other people so they feel   a lot more isolated if they are isolated so we want to understand the person’s temperament and   how they may or may not have gotten their needs met how they may have been told they were wrong   and invalidated when they were younger and you can hear some of this is kind of going towards   Linda hands DBT environment um but what we want to look at what do you need now how can we create   an environment that’s accepting and welcoming to you now based on their needs and caregivers’ reactions children form schemas or core beliefs about the world and others so if they state their   opinion and it’s squashed or it’s ridiculed then they’re going to form this core belief that it   is not safe ever to share my opinions because I am always wrong now we’re talking about children here   but a lot of times think back for yourself there I think most of us have at least some all-or-nothing   dichotomous thoughts that come in every once in a while and you know we can catch them but if   these dichotomies go unaddressed the person starts feeling very lost and very abandoned because it’s all-or-nothing important points about children under 7 from 8 to 12 children are developing   alternative cognitive skills they’re starting to be able to think abstractly they’re   starting to be able to see the gray area and alternate explanations but even you know during   that period so zero to 12 children are having difficulty envisioning all the possibilities   so anything that happens before that we want to encourage them to look at the schemas that were   formed and challenge them to examine whether they are currently accurate and helpful children think   dichotomously when they’re that young it’s all or nothing it’s good or bad it’s not kind of sort   of something it is what it is I mean even think about thinking back to grades that we would get   it was satisfactory or unsatisfactory there was no ABCD F when we were in elementary school and   I don’t remember middle school then it was a dichotomous grading scale you either did it or you   didn’t children are egocentric so whatever happens they say what was it about me that made this   happen if mom’s in a bad mood what did I do if you know Mom is rejecting well that was stupid I’m   stupid children are very egocentric so you take all or nothing combined with all about me and you   can see we’re creating the perfect storm of children can only focus on one aspect at a time when I work   with adult clients you know they come in and they tell me that they had an interaction with their   boss he was walking down the hall and he was in a bad mood and I just knew I did something and so   we talked about that and I’m like how do you know that because he had it he had angry look on his   face okay what are some other possibilities what else might have been going on with him at that   point in time and a lot of times we can brainstorm ideas about a call he just got or where they just   left a meeting that didn’t go so well or who knows what else in this day and time when we’ve   got our cell phones and PDAs and everything there are a lot of things that can trigger a   mood besides just whoever you pass in the hallway children can’t think about those other things that   might have triggered the mood they see somebody unhappy and they’re like I’m sorry um so we want   to encourage as adults we want to encourage them to say all right what are the other possibilities even as children I try to work with my kids to encourage them to look at alternate reasons   why somebody may be acting a certain way children can’t think abstractly and consider those possible   options um even with kids you know knee-high to a grasshopper, if you’re in a situation and   maybe in a store and somebody behaves not kindly to you, you can talk about that later with the kids   and say you know that was kind of unpleasant to go through what you think might have caused that   and brainstorm three ideas my favorite number is three I don’t know why but brainstorm three ideas   for alternate explanations for why that person may have been in an unpleasant mood if children   learn to do this when they’re younger it’s a a lot easier to transition to as adults schemas   are a broad way of perceiving things based on memories feelings and thoughts basically it’s   our go-to perception of what something’s going to be like we have schemas about everything if   you go to church you have a schema about what’s going to happen when you go to your mother’s   house you have a schema about how mom’s going to behave and what’s going to happen we form these   it’s our brain’s short shortcut instead of having to analyze every situation it says oh I remember   this been here before it’s probably going to be like X Y Z unfortunately sometimes things change   and one of the things we see in addictions treatment as is as caregivers into recovery and   really get a hold on it and start working that a new way of life and sobriety and all that stuff   old family members or family members still expect that old behavior they have that schema that when   Jane comes in this is what’s going to happen because they’re remembering how she behaved and   acted in her addictive self so we want to help people identify their schemas and check them   sometimes they’re still accurate sometimes not so much schemas that trigger abandonment fear center   around the cell acceptability is this person going to like me which is one of the reasons we do a lot   of self-esteem work in reducing abandonment fears because we want to reduce the need for people to   solicit external validation we want them to say I’m all that and a bag of chips and I would love   to play with you but if you don’t want to play I’m okay with that love ability if they were   told they were unlovable if they perceived they were unlovable then in the present they   may fear isolation they may fear that they’re not lovable so they will try to do whatever they can   or likewise they will build a lead wall that is 5 feet thick all the way around them so nobody can   hurt them they may have fears about their own the competence you know thinking back to Erikson   you never thought some of these theorists from the past would keep coming up even in current practice   but they do if a child going through that period of industry versus inferiority Erik Erikson’s   stages of psychosocial development and they felt like a failure, all the time or they were never   good enough the parents never recognized their positive achievements then they may question their   own competence and feel like a failure if they feel like a failure they may feel they may believe   that nobody wants to be around them so they will leave so if I fail they will leave and fears may   center around adaptability some people are not able to tolerate any loss of control they’re just   like that they’re holding on with a death grip to the relationship to anything that’s going on and   it starts to go wonky they are going to freak out so we want to look at what it means if you’re   not in control of everything what does it mean if you trust that this person is going to do the   next right thing if you are doing the next right thing as well schemas that trigger abandonment   fears can also be sent around center around others if someone is rejecting distant cold or is unable to   handle the person’s needs then the person may not feel acceptable so if they are in relationships   with people like this then we need to look at is Is it you who’s not acceptable or is something else   going on with that person that may be making them unable to deal with anybody else’s stuff   right now the person may feel isolated if other people are absent if people fail to keep promises   they may feel like nobody’s ever there for them competence if other people are always critical   then the person will question their own competence and if others are unpredictable a lot of the time   when people who have anxiety about abandonment they come from situations where other people have   not been predictable or if they were they were unpredictably absent and relationship of self to   others if they are afraid about their ability to relate with others if they’re afraid of rejection   if they’re afraid that if they start to love they will be rejected and then they will be isolated   forever if they are afraid of the unknown and they I just want consistency more than anything and   as soon as consistency starts to waver a little a bit because as we grow things change and people   with abandonment issues don’t like things to change because that’s not predictable and that’s   not consistent so they may have difficulty if one the person starts to change what they do I see this   a lot not saying that it’s an abandonment issue necessarily but when law enforcement officers   retire you know because they can retire after 20 years so they may start a new career and   that causes a lot of change schedule changes they’re not law enforcement anymore and the   spouse sometimes has culty adjusting to it as does the retired officer but controllability   if the person holds on to relationships and everything in their life with white knuckles   because they’re so afraid if they let go of control that they are going to disappear or   disintegrate then if something seems like it’s not in their control, it’s going to be a catastrophe so attachment Styles secure if there’s an emotionally available caregiver the child   will seek the caregiver for comfort and guess what the caregiver will be there and will more   often than not meet the need for comfort with the the correct type of comfort so hungry cold scared kind   of following the child’s upset when the caregiver leaves especially in new situations but the child   gets over it it’s not a child that’s going to sit there and cry for eight hours and then the child’s   happy when the caregiver returns in this kind of attachment the child learns to trust others will   be responsive to their needs and validate their needs a child learns to be self-reliant and try   new things but if they fail they know they can return to the home base they can go out and go well   that didn’t go as planned and the caregiver will be there to say alright let’s figure out what to do   next not you are such a failure the child learns to adapt to a variety of situations because when   they’ve been faced with something that’s a little scary caregivers been there to kind of coach them   on and go you got this it’s scary I got it but you can do it the child learns to deal with   stress because the caregivers are there to coach them or to process it with them afterward because the   caregiver is not always physically there but if you’ve got children you know sometimes they’ll   come home from school and they’ve had a really bad day and you’d pull them aside and go you know   what’s going on let’s talk about it so in this way the child learns to deal with stress and the child   learns to have accurate expectations of others in the secure attachment, emotionally available   situation remember children are egocentric so if mom’s upset the child goes what did I do or   oh my gosh I hope mom’s not going to leave in a secure situation sometimes the parent has to   say something like mommy had a really bad day at work today has nothing to do with you I need to go   take a timeout that helps a child understand that you know what it’s not all about me and   I can understand that sometimes moms upset for something besides me and I can understand that   if moms up said it doesn’t mean she’s going to leave so obviously this is the ideal situation   avoidant attachment styles the rejecting or harsh caregiver the person depends less on the caregiver   for security because every time they go saying, mom mom, I had a nightmare can I come into bed with you   they’re met with going back to your own bed and the caregiver rolls over it’s not oh I’m sorry you had   a nightmare let me walk you back to your room when the child is separated from the caregiver   there’s little response when the caregiver leaves or returns because the kids like what uses that   person to me the child learns not to depend on a caregiver for comfort connection or security   now imagine yourself a four-year-old child or a six-year-old child thinking I can’t count on my   caregivers for comfort connection or security that must be a terrifying place to be and I   can see why you would develop some pretty strong defense mechanisms the ambivalent relationship between the   cave caregiver is inconsistent or can bow can’t talk caregiver is inconsistent or chaotic this   is really true in a lot of homes where there are at least one parent who is battling some sort of   addiction or mental health issue so the parent may or may not be available you don’t know what   the good days are going to be you don’t know what the bad days are going to be so the child may be   anxious and afraid to try new things or explore because they’re like things are going good right   now I don’t want to top will be an applecart just going to sit here and ride it out a child may be   clinging and demanding trying to elicit a response remembering negative attention is better than no   attention at all and the child is upset when the caregiver leaves but also inconsolable when the   caregiver returns because you know I was upset I was scared you went away but you came back and   that’s good but I don’t know when you’re going to go away again and if you’re going to come   back so it’s this constant anxiety of abandonment core abandonment beliefs all people leave so we   want to challenge that by identifying exceptions mistrust people will hurt reject take advantage   of me or just not be there when I need them you know what that’s true sometimes because people   have their own stuff so when this happens let’s look at whether it’s happening all the time and/or   let’s also look at what else might be going on with that person that caused them to hurt reject   take advantage or not be there when you needed the emotional deprivation I never get the love I   need nobody understands me cares about me or even ever tries to meet my needs here how dramatic and   extreme that is so one of the things as clinicians we can do is say if you are getting the   love you needed what would it look like what would be different what is it that you need   that you’re not getting once we identify then we can create a plan to get it but a lot   of times other people don’t understand or may not be able to interpret what you need so let’s help   let’s try to figure out how to make this happen nobody understands me alright let’s talk about   why that might be and you know let’s look at some people who’ve kind of gotten a grasp sometimes   with clients with abandonment beliefs nobody understands me translates to I don’t give a buddy   a chance and I cut them off as soon as they become confused and because they associate confusion with the rejection so we might talk about communication skills we might work on what it is that people   don’t understand and how to better communicate that and where to find people who have similar   interests nobody ever even tries to meet my needs you know here I would really look for exceptions   but I would also challenge the person and I would say when do you meet your needs what do you do   to take care of yourself a lot of times clients with abandonment beliefs are so freaked   out and afraid of being abandoned that they’re not taking care of themselves either they’re   just living and are paralyzed going back to fight flee or freeze they’re living a paralyzed state   of I want to be loved but if I love I’m gonna get hurt and I don’t know what to do they don’t even   love themselves so we want to start talking about if you had your best friend you know create this   best friend persona what would he or she say to you what would he or she do right now let’s try to   help you understand yourself with mindfulness exercises are really good here because a lot of times these   clients don’t understand themselves they’ve got so much anxiety they’re so afraid and they don’t   know where it’s coming from because a lot of it has been going on for so long defectiveness   if people knew me they would reject me you know not everybody’s going to like you why do you need   everybody to like you why is it important that everybody likes you and failure I don’t measure   up and I’m not able to succeed I usually put pull out the obnoxious quote that if you haven’t failed   you haven’t tried and we talked about what it means to get outside your comfort zone and you’re   not going to be perfect at everything you’re not going to be Michael Phelps you’re not going to be   the president of the United States that doesn’t mean that you’re a failure that definitely   doesn’t mean you’re a failure so what things are you good at what can you and have you succeeded at and   go back and look over things like you graduated high school, not everybody does that you know   raised a family not everybody does that so we want to challenge all nothing’ languages we   want to look for exceptions and we want to look for in what ways can you provide yourself the   validation so you don’t fear abandonment you don’t need other people to tell you you’re okay because   guess what you’re telling yourself I’m okay and before I go on to unhelpful reactions I do want   to point out that if we tell people to tell themselves you know I’m okay that sounds great   but if they don’t believe it if it’s not supported with evidence, it’s actually probably going to slow   their growth because they’re sitting there going telling themselves I’m okay and in the back of   their head going you know you’re not so we need to get that internal critical voice to kind of   hush up by providing the person with the objective evidence of why they’re okay why they’re good   enough and that’s a slow process it’s not going to happen overnight but encourage people to figure   out why they believe what they believe and then you can work from there okay unhelpful reactions   fighting with someone you don’t want to leave me because so the person may engage in dominant   sort of posturing behavior aggression hostility blaming and criticizing trying to tear down the   other person to say you know what I don’t care and you should be grateful that I’m in your life recognition seeking to get attention validation or approval so if they feel something’s going   wrong in a relationship they may start trying to do something to gain recognition to prove that   they’re worthy of a relationship for what they do versus who they are manipulation and exploitation   said lying justifying I did this because you made me so sometimes we all occasionally do things that   aren’t the nicest people who fear abandonment have difficulty saying you know what I screwed   up and they’re more likely to go you made me do I wouldn’t have done it if you would have X   Y & Z people again who are worried about a relationship is going to fall apart and may also make excuses for   other people’s inappropriate behavior it’s like you know I really hate what this person does but   if I don’t make excuses for it if I condemn it then this person is going to leave in counseling   we can talk about the difference between loving a person and loving a person’s behavior you know I   love my kids to death there is no question about that but some of their behavior makes me want to   climb a wall I’m very clear to separate from them the difference between the behavior that I dislike   and them because you know like I said I love them to pieces and we want to help people start making   this differentiation if they don’t do it already and clinging and chasing is the other fight   reaction stalking and messaging somebody 47 times on Facebook in an hour all these kinds of behaviors   and even online bullying those sorts of things can be fight reactions in response to feeling like   there’s a threat of abandonment flight is more of the I don’t care if you leave so the person   will withdraw physically and emotionally and maybe even numb themselves with some sort of   addictive behavior or distract themselves with something completely different or find a new   person just proof that you know what I didn’t need you because I’ve got this new person now questions for clients about core beliefs all people leave okay so what does it look   like if somebody’s available to you if they don’t abandon you who in your past left you   or was unavailable emotionally now a lot of I find it helpful for mental health   and addiction clients to have them write an autobiography because then we can go back   and kind of review it and identify the core people at certain stages in a person’s life what did the person who left you do to make you feel rejected or abandoned in retrospect   you know it was hard to see the difference what was going on back then because you were a kid in   retrospect what are the alternate explanations for why this may have happened was it really   you or was it more about them who in your past has been available to you emotionally most of   the time people can point to one maybe two people who have generally been there it’s unreasonable to   expect someone to always be there who in your present is available to you emotionally you   know maybe they’ve only been in your life for six months or a year but they are available and I say   emotionally because you know not everybody can be available physically all the time we’ve got   jobs kids all that kind of stuff but can you pick up the phone and call them or text them and say   hey you know what I’m really struggling right now what do you do in your current relationships that cause people to leave do you push them away if so how what are alternatives to pushing them away cutting all ties and just saying fine be that way I wipe my hands off you if you cling how do you do  this in what ways do you perceive yourself as being clinging and what are some alternatives   to holding on with all desperation and mistrust people will hurt reject or take advantage of me or just   not be there when I need them so again what does it looks like when somebody’s or what does it feel   like when someone is trustworthy and safe who in your past was untrustworthy or unsafe what do they   do they taught you this and what are alternate explanations who in your past has been trustworthy  and safe who in your present is available and trustworthy what do you do to yourself that   is unsafe or dishonest that’s one of those tricky questions you’re there talking about other people   other people then it’s like what do you do to yourself how do you lie to your  self or how are you mean and hateful to yourself how does your distrust of other people or even  yourself impact your current relationships some people distrust their own internal intuition so  much that they don’t want to make friends with other people they’re like I can’t tell who’s  going to hurt me and who won’t so just yeah I’m going to wipe my hands of it all what could you  do differently what do you think you could do in order to start building trust and what does  it look like to build trust because Trust doesn’t just appear it builds gradually emotional deaths  deprivation I don’t get the love I need nobody understands me so again what does it look like  when somebody understands you and meets your needs who in the past failed to meet your needs  emotionally and how can you deal with that now you know it may have been mom it may have been   ex-husband it may have been you know who knows how can you deal with it now yourself so you can   put it to rest who in your past is understood you who in your present understands you how   can you start again better understanding yourself because it’s hard for other people to understand   us when we don’t even understand ourselves and what can you do to start getting your needs met you one of the things was starting to get your own needs met is to figure out what your needs are and   this is one of the exercises I have people do as a homework assignment they keep track of what is   it they want on a daily basis keep a log and then let’s talk about what common themes were seeing   if people knew me they would reject me okay so how do you know when you’re accepted or acceptable to   someone who when you’re past may make you feel defective are there alternate explanations and   how can you silence those old tapes because that person that statement stays as a heckler   in the gallery we need to hush the heckler what can you do part of it could be talking back and   saying you know what I’m not going to listen or I don’t have time for this right now who’s   been accepting and supportive who is in your life that’s accepting and supportive and how can you   start accepting yourself and being compassionate so some compassion focus training mindfulness work   to help people understand themselves and start being compassionate with themselves understanding   their vulnerabilities and cutting themselves some slack I don’t measure up I’m not able to succeed   okay that’s a pretty big success you know what is what success means success means different   things to different people so what does it look like to you to be successful let’s kind of hammer  that out what is it if you are successful what would be different what in your past has made  you feel like a failure what are some alternate ways of viewing it such as a learning experience  or something I had to go through to grow or you know brainstorming alternate explanations for   why people fail they don’t have a response to sometimes I ask them to kind of take on   a flip role and say pretend you’re a parent and your child comes home and they’ve tried out for   the football team and they didn’t make the team they failed what are you going to tell on what   have you succeeded at doing in the past what are you good at in the present and we really want to   pay attention to minimization here because a a lot of our clients are not good at identifying   their strengths what does being successful mean in terms of your relationship with others do you have   to be successful in order to be loved and be a the good relationship you know obviously you’re going   to be successful in a relationship if you’re but do you have to be financially successful and powerful all whatever you define success as in order to be in healthy relationships who are   three successful people you know and what makes them successful in your eyes does success equal  happiness you can do a whole group on that and what do your kids need to do to be successful  in life you know we want our kids to succeed in us want our kids to be happy so what is it that I  envision my child’s life to be 10 to 15 years from now triggering relationships the abandoner is  unpredictable unstable and unavailable the an abusive relationship is untrustworthy and  unsafe the deprived err depriving relationship the a person is detached or withholding the Devastator  is always judgmental rejecting and critical and the critic is critical and narcissistic usually   a lot of times people replay their past to try to kind of get it right the second time so we want   to look at do you have a habit of getting into relationships with people who are not safe we can   also ask them how do you exhibit these behaviors in what ways are these behaviors present your   current relationships and in what ways were these present and your primary caregiver relationships behavioral triggers abandonment and mistrust if somebody starts acting differently they change  their behavior in some way a person who fears abandonment goes oh that’s not good if they’re   not getting constant reassurance that’s that external validation can trigger   abandonment fears so again we want to work on internal validation and why is it that you   feel you need constant reassurance from the other person’s relationships feel threatening so   work relationships those sorts of things the a person who has abandonment issues won’t want   their significant other around other people and they become hyper-vigilant to rejection   and disconnection even if it’s just somebody going I had a really bad day I need 20 minutes  and go into the room and shut the door the person with abandonment issues will likely   have a high level of anxiety so we want to ask how these behaviors have threatened them in the   past what are alternate explanations for why this is happening with this person right now and what   would be a helpful reaction to these behaviors now so this is happening what would be a helpful   reaction instead of assuming that the sky is going to fall defectiveness and failure so if   somebody is critical if they have unexplained time apart there’s absent or inconsistent reassurance   or if the person tells them they’re a failure these or they fail at something these could   all be behavioral triggers they could be like I failed at something I’m not getting reassurance that this relationship fixing to end question how is this threatened you in the past alternate   explanations and what would be a helpful reaction to this particular situation right now envisioning activity what does a healthy the relationship looks like presence versus abandonment   acceptance versus rejection emotional support versus emotional unavailability trustworthy   versus untrustworthy and safe versus harmful these are extremes what does it look like to   be a middle ground there are going to be exceptions you know things are going to happen so what does   a healthy relationship look like and how to do you deal with exceptions if somebody’s not always   present how can you create this relationship with yourself that’s the big one and then how can you   create this relationship with others’ mindfulness questions what am I feeling what’s triggering it   am I safe right now and if not what do I need to is this bringing up something from the past if   so how is this different how am I different then I was when I was six or four and how   can I silence my inner critic finally what would be a helpful reaction that would move me  more toward my goals and toward a positive emotional experience summary core beliefs  about the self and others are formed in early life due to children’s lack of knowledge of other  experiences and primitive cognitive abilities these core beliefs are often very dichotomous   core beliefs can be formed around events or experiences outside of the conscious memory   identifying and being mindful of abandonment triggers in the present can help people choose   alternate more helpful ways of responding in the present in secure and loved me   don’t leave me are two really excellent books there are google previews if you want to look   at them to see if it’s something that you like but they do take what we talked about in this   presentation and expand upon it a whole bunch more if you enjoy this podcast please like and   subscribe either in your podcast player or on YouTube you can attend and participate in our   live webinars with doctor Snipes by subscribing at all CEUs comm slash counselor toolbox, this   episode has been brought to you in part by all CEUs com provides 24/7 multimedia continuing   education and pre-certification training to counselors 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5 Things People With Anxiety Secretly Do Alone


– Hey Psych2Goers, welcome back. Think you've never experienced anxiety before? Well, you might not have realized it because people experience anxiety in different ways. Your idea of anxiety might not align with how you experience it. And you may not notice anxiety in someone who grapples with it privately. So, it's important to remember to always be kind because you can never know what others are struggling with when they're alone. If you're dealing with anxiety, know that you're not alone in facing these challenges. Anxiety is a normal part of life.


It alerts us to dangers and helps us prepare for a wide variety of situations. But according to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, DSM, anxiety becomes a disorder when it starts to impact daily functioning and different aspects of life. With that said, here are five things people with anxiety secretly do alone. Number one, overthink, overthink, and overthink. Anxiety disorders are characterized by excessive or disproportionate worry and fear that gets in the way of daily activities. It may not be as obvious to other people, but those who struggle with anxiety tend to overthink while in the presence of others and when alone. Many people who struggle with anxiety tend to dwell on negative thoughts about themselves and their past. They may replay these past events in their head over and over, trying to think of what they could have done differently.


And may also imagine possible future events to try and anticipate things that might go wrong. Two, confine themselves to their comfort zone. Everyone feels anxious now and then, but those struggling with an anxiety disorder constantly adjust their lives to cater to it. They may stick to activities that calm their racing thoughts, or engage in pursuits that allow them to avoid the things that make them feel anxious instead of choosing activities purely for fun or interest. Like re-watching the same shows over and over because they don't have to feel anxious anticipating what might happen next. Some people may not even be able to leave the house out of fear of being in places and situations where escape may be difficult.


Or they may struggle to leave the house without a certain person they're scared to lose. Three, withdraw from social interaction. Some people with anxiety may have a limited social life and turn down invites, not out of a lack of interest, but to stay home to calm certain worries and fears. In some cases, the person may seem uninterested in spending time with others due to a crippling fear of feeling humiliated, rejected, or looked down on in social interactions. People with anxiety may withdraw socially to cope with their fears and might avoid their phones or ignore or turn off their notifications to manage their feelings of anxiety, and then feel overwhelmed and anxious later when they see the backlog of messages. Number four, procrastinate or struggle to finish tasks. People with anxiety, especially high functioning anxiety, may seem like completely put together achievers, but they may also grapple with getting their work done when they're alone, because anxious thoughts may force them to procrastinate.


Anxiety also affects working memory, which makes it difficult to focus long enough to complete tasks. And so, they may then have to rush to get things done on time, adding extra stress. Then number five, tossing and turning in bed. Having anxiety doesn't immediately translate to nervous, jittery energy that others can easily detect. Someone with anxiety can seem calm and rested, when in reality, they might be tossing and turning at night, unable to fall asleep because of their anxious thoughts. If they do manage to get some sleep, they might be restless or riddled with nightmares about their anxieties. For example, those with separation anxiety disorder may have nightmares about being separated from their loved ones. Anxiety disorders are complex and varied, but remember that a certain level of anxiety is normal and anxiety disorders are those that cause significant distress or impairment in different areas of life.


If you or anyone you know, are struggling with an anxiety disorder, please don't hesitate to reach out to a qualified mental health care provider. Can you relate to any of these signs? Share with us in the comments and remember to like and share this video with someone who might benefit too. As always the references and studies used are listed in the description below. Until next time, take care friends..



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Best Practices for Anxiety Treatment | Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

this episode was pre-recorded as part of a live continuing   education webinar on-demand CEUs are still available for this presentation   AllCEUs.com/Anxiety-CEU I’d like to welcome everybody to today’s presentation on best practices for the   treatment of anxiety I am your host, Dr. Dawn Elise Snipes now not too long ago we did a presentation on strengths-based biopsychosocial   approaches to addressing anxiety while those are wonderful you know I thought maybe   we ought to look at you know what’re some of the current research so I went into PubMed which is   I don’t know it’s a playground for me it’s where you find a lot of journal articles and you   can sort I sorted by articles that were done and meta-analyses that were done within   the past five years so that gives us an idea about current research I mean there’s a lot   of stuff that is still the same like some of the medications that were known to work ten   years ago are still known to be you know good first-line treatments but there are also some   newcomers that we’ll talk about and there are also, some changes that we’re going to talk about so we’re going to explore some common causes for anxiety symptoms to treat, we need to and of course, this does play into the biopsychosocial aspect we need to   understand kind of what causes it because anxiety that’s caused by for example somebody having a   racing heart may be different than anxiety that’s caused for somebody who has abandonment issues so   we’re gonna treat the two things differently so we want to look at some of the common causes we’re   gonna look at some common triggers for anxiety Do you know what are some of these common themes that   we see in practice I will ask you to share some of the themes that you see that underline   or underlie a lot of your client’s anxiety and identify current best practices for anxiety   management including counseling interventions medications physical interventions and supportive   treatments so we care because anxiety can be debilitating and a lot of our clients   have anxiety a lot of our clients have anxiety comorbid with depression and they’re looking at   us going how can I feel anxious and stressed out and like I can’t sit still and be depressed at the   same time you know when you’re depressed you’re supposed to want to sleep well a lot of times   people who have both issues want to sleep but they can’t so I want to help clients   understand that also sometimes anxiety when people are anxious for long enough the body   starts kind of holding on to the cortisol the body recognizes at a certain point this is a   losing battle I’m not going to put energy into this anymore so it starts withdrawing some of   its excitatory neurotransmitters so to speak and people will start to feel depressed the   brain has already said this is hopeless this is you’re helpless to change the situation so   then people start feeling hopeless and helpless which is sort of the definition if you will of   depression low-grade chronic stress and anxiety arose energy and people’s ability to concentrate   so if we’re going to help them become their uber selves we need to help them figure out how to   address anxiety not just generalized overwhelming debilitating anxiety but also panic social anxiety   and those minor anxiety triggers that come along that may not meet the threshold for diagnosis   anxiety is a major trigger for addiction relapse if you have a client who is self-medicated before   or had an addiction for some reason anxiety is a major trigger increased physical pain when anxiety   goes up people tend to tense their muscles when they tense their muscles they tend to feel more   pain I mean think about when you’re stressed you tend to have more pain like in your neck your   back and things that already hurt may hurt more why because serotonin which is one of our major   anti-anxiety neurotransmitters is also one of our major pain modulators so when serotonin levels are   too low because anxiety is high then our pain perception is going to be more acute and people   can have sleep problems if they’re stressed out your body thinks there’s a threat you’re not   going to be able to get into that deep restful sleep you may have you may sleep a lot but it’s probably not quality sleep which means your neurotransmitters may get out of whack   your hormones make it out of whack and your body is going to start perceiving yourself in a   persistent state of stress when you’re exhausted the body knows that we may be the weakest link   in the herd so it continues to secrete cortisol to keep you on alert a little bit so you   may again you may be resting kind of like when you have a new baby at home those first couple   of months that my children were home from the the hospital I slept but I didn’t sleep well I mean   the slightest little noise and I was awake and I was looking around and you know I felt it I felt   exhausted and a lot of new parents do so triggers for anxiety abandonment and rejection and we’re   going to talk about ways we might want to deal with these things but some of the underlying   themes that I’ve seen in a lot of clients and when I do the research and a lot of what themes that   come out include low self-esteem if someone has low self-esteem they’re looking to be externally   validated oftentimes they’re looking for somebody else to tell them you’re lovable you’re okay so   that can lead to anxiety about not having people to tell them you’re okay which makes   their relationships tenuous and can make them dysfunctional irrational thoughts and cognitive   distortions may lead people to believe that if I’m not perfect for example I am not lovable so we’re   going to look at some irrational thoughts and cognitive distortions unhealthy social supports   and relationships when you’re in a relationship it takes two to tango and even if your client is   relatively mentally and physically healthy if they are in a dysfunctional relationship they can fear   abandonment and rejection if that other person is always saying if you don’t do X I’m going   to leave you or if that other person is always cheating on them or whatever so relationships   can trigger abandonment anxiety and ineffective interpersonal skills can lead to relationship   turmoil and social exile if our clients are in relationships even if they’re not completely   dysfunctional if our clients are not able to ask for what they need and set appropriate boundaries   and manage conflict effectively because conflict happens in every relationship then they may start   to argue more which may lead to fearing may lead to relationships ending in the past and them going   well every relationship I get into ends which means I must not be lovable so they start fearing   abandonment and rejection these are four areas that we can look at one more assessing clients   another issue is the unknown and loss of control a lot of times negative self-talk and cognitive   distortions can contribute to that if I don’t have control of everything then it’s all going to be a   disaster negative others when clients hang out or when people hang out with negative people it   kind of wears on you after a while you notice that people who tend to be more negative   pessimistic conspiracy-minded tend to hang out with people who are also negatively pessimistic and   conspiracy-minded so if you’re hanging out with somebody who tends to be anxious then the anxiety   can be palpable and it can kind of permeate physical complaints can lead people to be   anxious because they don’t know what’s causing it like I said earlier sometimes if your heart starts   to race if you don’t know what’s causing it for you can start thinking I’m having a heart attack or   I’m gonna die when people have panic attacks for the example they truly think they’re having a heart   attack and it’s I’ve had them they are very very unpleasant experiences but when people   start having physical complaints and it can be you know they have a weird rash that they can’t get to   go away or whatever but when they don’t know what it is and they can’t control it they can’t   make it go away they start thinking about all the worst-case scenarios and going online and   getting on WebMD which usually gives you all the worst-case scenarios um so physical complaints   are important we need to normalize the fact that nobody’s pain-free all the time and you know the   fact that you may have an ache or a pain or a lump or a bump or you know a cough most likely you know   when we look at probability the probability of it being something significant is pretty small now   do you want to get it checked out probably but you know the probability that is anything to be   worried about is relatively small and a sense of powerlessness can trigger fear of the unknown   and loss of control for somebody who doesn’t feel like they have any agency in their life   if they have an external locus of control or if they felt victimized all of their life then   they may fear not being in control they may be holding on and saying okay this is the one area   of my life I can control when I grew up you know I grew up in a very chaotic environment I had no   control I was bounced around in the foster system yadda yadda yadda now that I’m an adult you know I   can control these things and I am going to hold on with white knuckles and if I can’t control   everything then that terrifies me to death and loss are other triggers for anxiety and it can   be people or pets and pets are important I don’t want to minimize pets because you know they are   little parts of a lot of our families so making sure we check that my daughter’s dog for example   is it’s getting old she’s getting older she’s 14 now I think and you know she’s in decent health   we took her to the vet and the vet said yeah she’s got a little heart murmur but that’s expected for   a 14-year-old dog and but when she goes out if she doesn’t come back when I call her I have this rush   of anxiety for a second oh my gosh I hope this wasn’t the day so anxious around losing people   and you know if she when she crosses the bridge she will and you know I’m okay with that I’m   I have a harder time dealing with my daughter’s emotional turmoil when that happens and because   she’s grown up with this dog so you know those are the types of things that we want to talk about   with our clients what things are weighing on you that you may not even be thinking about because I   know in the back of my mind there’s always that worry about one of our donkeys and her dog jobs   and promotions can trigger anxiety if people are afraid they’re gonna lose their job if they’re   always afraid that you know they’re gonna walk in and get a pink slip or get fired you know we want   to help them look at how realistic they are you doing what you need to do to achieve   and keep your job and sometimes it’s not easy to the answer I mean the first thought that a lot of us   have is well you know if you’re doing the right a thing so just do it but there are those bosses   out there and I’ve had some amazing bosses a lot of them and I’ve had two horrendous   bosses and those two bosses I could never I never felt like I was able to do anything right   and so going to those jobs there was always this anxiety about what I’m what am I going to get in   trouble for today so you want to talk with people about does your job cause anxiety what can you   do to moderate that anxiety the same thing with promotions people may get anxious about whether   they’re going to get promoted to safety and security you know when you lose safety and security you can   feel anxious so if there’s a break-in at the house next door or shooting down the road   or you start watching the news you can feel very unsafe and insecure quickly so we want to   help people figure out how safe and secure are you really and a lot of it goes back to looking   at facts when people lose their dreams and hopes or fear that they’re going to lose their dreams   and hopes they can start to get anxious you know they have this dream that they’re going to be   a doctor or I just finished the presentation on helping high school students transition to college   and a lot of high school students for example start college with these wide eyes and hopes   to save the world and they want to be doctors and engineers and this and that and they get   into it and they realize that it’s a lot harder then they thought or they realize that you know   what I don’t like this but I’ve already committed to it so what do I do I want to help   people but I can’t I can’t cut it doing this you know for me I figured out in my second year that   I wasn’t going to medical school because I wasn’t going to pass calculus and that caused a lot of   anxiety it was like okay what am I gonna do now Do you know what career should I choose to help people figure out do they have dreams that have maybe kind of crashed and burned and you have to   find new ones you know okay that one we’ve got to accept it figure out that it’s not going to be and   what can you do now people may also have dreams about relationships they get into relationships   and see themselves with this person forever and then this relationship ends and or starts to   get rocky and they’re like but that’s my dream what happens if that’s got to happen because   it’s my dream I don’t know how to function if that goes away we want to help people be able to   rewrite their narrative and then sickness spiders and other phobias kind of go in with death a lot   of times when people get sick they start getting anxious that oh my gosh what if this is terminal   oh my gosh what if this is you know incurable if I get bit by a spider it’s gonna kill me and   which is rare you know there are very few spiders that is actually that poisonous same thing with   snakes going over bridges I’ve shared with you all that is not one of my irrational fears you know I   am just terrified that you know something’s going to happen and I’m going to get pushed off the side   of the bridge which is completely irrational but we need to help people look at those and identify   the thoughts that they’re telling themself about those phobias and dealing with that anxiety failure   is another –trigger for anxiety especially in this culture our culture American culture is large part puts a high premium on success and perfectionism so when people realize that   they’re not perfect they may start to get anxious because they feel like if I’m not perfect then I’m   a failure you know those cognitive distortions of all-or-nothing thinking and they start with that   negative self-talk you know you can’t do anything right so those are some of the issues that you   know we often see in counseling sessions so what do we do you know somebody comes in and is like   I can’t live this way doc anxiety depression and substance disorders as well as a range of physical   disorders are often comorbid so this is the first the thing we need to realize is that   we’re very rarely dealing with a very simple the diagnosis you know when somebody comes in we need   to figure out you know if they come in and they’re presenting with depression all right let’s talk   about that and then we start realizing that there depression started to occur after a long period   of being anxious okay so we need to deal with that but we also need to help them   with their sense of hopelessness and helplessness we need to develop that sense of empowerment and   then substance disorders we know that substance use is often a way of self-medicating but we also   know that it monkeys with the neurochemicals in the brain and can contribute to anxiety and   depression the same thing to physical issues pain from physical disorders anxiety about having   physical disorders medications you’re taking for physical disorders can all contribute to anxiety   so we need to look at the person as a whole and go what are all the things that are contributing to   the anxiety and what are all the things that the anxiety is contributing to so we have started having this big list of stuff that needs to be addressed and then we can start figuring out okay   where we start so knowing that these things are comorbid helps researchers explore pathways   to mental disorders so they can start figuring out you know what little string can we pull to   unravel this blanket of anxiety so it doesn’t suffocate somebody and for us, as clinicians, it   provides us key opportunities to intervene in you know sometimes clients will come in and start talking about their anxiety and their physical issues you   know maybe their anxieties about you know heart palpitations and because that’s a common one we   may want to encourage them to go see the doctor to get that ruled out you know rule out anything that   has to do with hormone imbalances or you know heart conditions or anything else that might be   contributing to it which can help them address it and if they do have physical disorders let’s   go with hormone imbalances that are contributing to the heart palpitations then they can start to   treat that if they don’t start to treat that then no amount of talk therapy we do is going to get   them to the quality of life that they’re looking for because they’re still gonna feel those so   we want to make sure that we’re addressing them holistically anxiety disorders should be treated   with psychological therapy pharmacy therapy or a combination of both and what they found and this   is no surprise this is kind of old news is that counseling Plus pharmacotherapy tends to have the   best outcomes but separating the two have similar outcomes in many cases but that’s just   looking at and I hate to call it simple anxiety but we’re just looking at anxiety symptoms here   we’re not looking at the full quality of life and we want to make sure that we’re also including any   medical issues behavioral therapy is regarded as the psychotherapy with the highest level   of evidence, there are a variety of cognitive behavioral approaches ranging from acceptance   and commitment therapy to dialectical behavior therapy to CBT to debt you know any of those that   deal with the thoughts and the cognitions that fall in that realm and it is effective in the current conceptualization of the etiology of anxiety disorders includes an interaction of   psychosocial factors such as childhood adversity or stressful events and a genetic vulnerability   so the psychosocial factors and these are other things when we do our assessment we want to pay   attention to because our approach to treatment is going to be different for people for example   who have trauma-related brain changes maybe then for somebody who doesn’t so, we want to   look at childhood adversity and stressful events that it may have caused basically what I tell clients is like rewiring of the brain there are trauma-related brain changes in soldiers and   especially in children or in people who’ve been exposed to extreme trauma that is designed to   protect them but it also can cause complications kind of later on in dealing with anxiety coping   skills that were learned that are ineffective you know sometimes people grow up in a household or an   environment or a situation where they don’t learn effective coping skills so we need to kind of help   them unlearn those and learn new ones build on their strengths and trauma issues that may still   need to be dealt with such as domestic violence you know if they grew up a lot around a lot of   domestic violence they may think you know I’m out of that situation it’s over I don’t want to   think about it it’s not bothering me anymore or a parental absence and I put absence because it can   be death it can be a parent that just packed up and left it could be a child that got put up for   adoption whatever put the child in a position of feeling like they were rejected by a parent can   be very traumatic and bullying among other things but there are a lot of trauma issues that people   once they’re out of that situation often say you know I’m out of it it’s not a big deal I dealt   with it let’s move on and they don’t realize the full ramifications and how that’s contributing to   their current anxiety and their current self-talk and cognitions of current stressors if somebody has   a lot of current stressors that are also going to impact whether they develop generalized anxiety   you know we’re kind of stacking the deck here and the current availability of social support if they   don’t have effective current social support then they’re gonna have difficulty bearing the weight   of everything on their shoulders so we want to look at all these psychosocial factors when   we do our assessment now going back to the trauma issues if you’ve taken the trauma courses at   all CEUs you know that some people are not ready to acknowledge that the trauma is still bothering   them or work on the trauma and that’s okay we can educate them that it might be an issue and   then let them choose how to address it but we want to bear in mind the fact that you   know this could be sort of an underlying force motivating some of the current cognitions and genetic vulnerability so you take any three people and you put them or 300 people and you   put them through roughly the same psychosocial situations they’re all probably going to react   a little bit differently based on their prior experiences but also because of their genetic   makeup there are certain permutations and they found four we’ll talk about later that make the   brain more or less responsive to stress and more or less responsive to serotonin which   is your calming chemical so brains that are less responsive to serotonin isn’t going to you know   send out as much or send out serotonin as easily so people can stay kind of tensed and wired that’s an oversimplified explanation but that’s all you need for right now so genetic   vulnerability impacts people’s susceptibility to the effects and development of dependence   on certain substances which can increase anxiety when people are detoxing from alcohol when they’re   detoxing from benzos when they’re detoxing from opiates they can feel high levels of anxiety when   they take opiates some people find that opiates have wonderful anti-anxiety properties not that   I am advocating for the use of opiates I’m just client experiences have shown that that   can be true so some people are going to be more susceptible to the anti-anxiety effects   of certain substances and some people are going to be Cerrone to become dependent on substances   where others may not and that part of that is genetic vulnerability and they estimate about   30% the predictability of the development of anxiety disorders is genetic and genetics   also impact which medications are effective if you have genetic makeup then SSRIs might   be helpful if you have genetic makeup be then atypical antipsychotics may be more effective   and SSRIs might not do anything which is why a lot of our clients get so frustrated because they know there’s no way to figure out exactly what I guess there is now that there’s genetic testing   out there but up until then it was harder to figure out which medications to start with and   most physicians matter of fact I don’t know of a single physician that starts by   saying well let’s do a genetic profile to see what med to start you out with most we’ll start with events as with an SSRI or some other anti-anxiety medication some sort of benzo   that’s been my experience so we may want to encourage clients to consider genetic   testing if they’re having difficulty finding a medication regime that works for them and they   are feeling like they have to have medication genetic vulnerability also affects what’s going   to make somebody more vulnerable now than all of you in class today you know thinking about sleep you   know sleep may not be a big deal for some of you I know people who can go days or weeks with four   or five hours of sleep and they feel fine it’s not a big deal, not me I need eight or nine hours   of sleep so genetically for whatever reason I am programmed to need a lot of sleep so when I don’t   get that much sleep I tend to be it tends to be harder for me to deal with life on life’s terms   and I know that that makes me more vulnerable to being irritable so genetic vulnerability affects   who can become addicted and affects what medications work best and affects what situations are going   to tend to make somebody more vulnerable to anxiety so our medications and I know the type   on here is small but we’re going to go through the first-line drugs are the SSRIs selective   serotonin reuptake inhibitors and SNRs is selective norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors   now the names are a little bit deceptive because selective norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors also   increase available serotonin but the mechanism of action is different the mechanism of action   for each SSRI is a little bit different as well which is why you can put somebody on Prozac and   they have an awful experience and you can put them on Zoloft and they have a much better experience like I said earlier a lot of the research pre five years ago had been done on medications and   Zoloft Paxil luvox Lexapro Celexa and their generics have all been found to be effective   at treating anxiety in certain people no one the medication works for everybody in the last five   years Effexor has come on the radar and it has been found effective according to the hamilton   rating scale for anxiety so that’s another one to consider if clients are not successful or getting   the treatment effect that they need for on some of the other medications obviously, none of us   probably are prescribers but we do need to educate clients about why the first drug or even the third   drug that the doc tries may not work so they don’t start feeling helpless and hopeless like   I said earlier there are at least four different genetic variations which are correlated with the   development of generalized anxiety disorder and different medications are more or less effective   depending on the genetic makeup of the person there’s a high mortality rate moving on to two   benzos the recommendation has switched to back off from the use of benzos now for   some doctors will prescribe an SSRI and for the first four weeks while the SSRI is building up   in the system they will also prescribe a benzo to be taken as needed to moderate the   anxiety and you know you could argue on either side of that, if somebody has a history of substance   use or substance dependence benzos are really a bad idea because they do have a high rate of   dependence but the other reasons that they are now cautioning against the use of benzodiazepines is   that there’s a higher mortality rate among benzo users compared with non-users there’s an increased   risk for dependence with use for more than six months and that’s a long time to be using benzo   and when we’re talking about dependence and six months we’re talking about somebody who uses it   like every four hours or every eight hours depending on your benzo every single day not   a PRN user if somebody’s using it at night to help them go to sleep or you know three or four   times a week when the anxiety gets high the risk of dependence is relatively low but a   lot of people with anxiety because if they find the right benzo makes them feel so much better   they may not want to be off of it and for a lot of people when that benzo reaches its half-life and   starts getting out of the system even more their anxiety spikes you know they have rebound anxiety   which they want to medicate with more benzos that’s gonna be an issue for them to discuss   with their doctor there’s also an increased risk of dementia identified in long-term benzodiazepine   users again this is for the people who use you know throughout the day every day for six months   or relatively every day for six months or more and it doesn’t matter if it’s you know we’re   talking about somebody who’s 65 or somebody who’s 35 who’s been using benzos for you know   six months a year two years the risk of later life dementia is greatly increased according   to the research benzodiazepines also don’t treat depression okay so if you’ve got somebody who has   concurrent anxiety and depression there’s a much higher suicide risk if they’re on benzodiazepines   so being aware and generally that suicide risk comes from overdosing on benzodiazepines but   not always other treatment options you know if the benzos aren’t something that people want to touch   you know they scare the living daylights out of me and SSRIs and SNRIs don’t seem to be working   then tricyclic antidepressants can be tried on those your older generation antidepressant Seroquel   is used a lot and there are some there’s some research that shows it can be effective   with anxiety like some of the antidepressants and depending on the person the benzos Seroquel can   make people very very very sleepy so you know it may not be the side effects of the Seroquel   the weight gain and the fatigue and you know sleepiness may be an unacceptable side effect for   some clients and boosts perón is the third option boost Barone works more like an anti-depressive   serotonin reuptake inhibitor and that it takes you know four weeks or so to kind of build up in   the system studies have shown that there’s really no long-term benefit to taking it but after six months   to eighteen months of use it has been shown to be effective in talking with clients a lot of   clients report that boost bar when they take it doesn’t necessarily help them stop being anxious   like a benzodiazepine does but it helps them not go from zero to 200 in 2.3 seconds it kind of you   know keeps them from having this gush of a freak out reaction every time something goes wrong which   a lot of clients report helps because they feel more stable throughout the day after remission   medication should be continued for six to twelve months and during that last six months first six   months keep it as is last six months you know they say that tapering is best it’s best not   to stop somebody cold turkey on any of these but it’s important for people once they’re   in remission to not just suddenly go okay I feel better I don’t need any of this anymore they need   to work into it and make sure they’ve developed the skills and tools that they need to deal with some of the anxiety that is going to happen in life so physical signs and symptoms   of anxiety may include fatigue irritability muscle tension or muscle aches try laying feeling twitchy   being easily startled trouble sleeping nausea diarrhea irritable bowel syndrome headaches so the   first thing we want to do with clients when we’re talking to them well second thing first thing is to say get a physical to let’s rule out physiological causes of this but we can also help clients   look at you know what might be causing these things that you can do to mitigate it what might   be contributing to your fatigue what might be contributing to your irritability and your muscle   tension or your muscle aches I mean let’s look at economics did you recently get a new bed or do you   need to get a new bed what about your desk chair I know you know I get more muscle tension and muscle   achy when I do a lot of mousing because I have deplorable posture being becoming aware of that   helps and then I’m like okay well I know it caused unfortunately, it’s unpleasant but it’s not a   big deal trembling or feeling twitchy you know that can be caused by low blood sugar that can   be caused anxiety that can also be caused by early onset Parkinson’s symptoms you know   there’s you know it can be worst case scenario or it can be something benign so we want   to have people figure out you know when you start trembling or feeling twitchy is there something   that it’s related to you know I know when my son gets excited he’s he just sits there   and you can see him almost shake because he’s so excited about something so we want to have people prevent misidentification we don’t want them to jump to that worst-case scenario we don’t   want them to go onto WebMD and go oh my gosh I’ve got cancer I’ve got this debilitating disease and   I’m going to die in six months probabilistic Lee speaking it’s not gonna happen yes get a doctor’s   opinion I’m certainly not going to tell them it’s all in your head I want them to get an   evaluation but I do want to in the meantime help them think about how likely is   this and other things for headaches and this is one another one of those that can be frustrating   as we get older our eyesight starts to go and you know there was a period there I did fine   and then after I hit 45 my eyesight just started to like steadily and kind of rapidly in my mind   decline so I have to get my eyeglass prescription changed every couple of years and that can cause   headaches so instead of starting to worry about oh my gosh I’ve got a headache all the time   maybe I’ve got a brain tumor you know I know that it’s probably my glasses or I’m grinding my   teeth so other biological interventions that have been evaluated there’s something called   the floatation rest system that reduced environmental stimulation therapy reduces sensory input into   the nervous system through the act of floating supine which is on your back in a pool of water   saturated with Epsom salt you know I’m looking at this going sounds good and you can’t   quite get the same experience in a bathtub because you’re not floating you’ve got pressure points and   you’re still hearing stuff clients can sort of simulate it with you know earplugs or whatever   but it’s if they can access this it’s been shown to be effective the float experience is   calibrated so that sensory signals from visual auditory olfactory gustatory thermal tactile or   tactile vestibular gravitational and preceptive channels are minimized which means you don’t see   here taste touch smell feel nothing as is most movement and speech so you want people to lay just   like completely motionless and not talk which can be hard for some people with anxiety in the study   the study I looked at fifty participants reported significant reductions in stress muscle   tension pain depression and negative effects and it was accompanied by significant improvement in mood   characterized by increases in relaxation happiness and well-being I read the study I’m like where can   I sign up you know it sounds in looking at some of the research this was more effective for   addressing anxiety than something like a massage Tai Chi also produced significant reductions in   anxiety there was approximately a 20% treatment effect 25% treatment effect in patients with   anxiety and fibromyalgia who practiced twice a week for a year now you know we want to look at   the confounding things here is it the Tai Chi itself or is it learning to control the muscles   and becoming more in tune with your body and learning to control your breathing helps   people reduce their anxiety either way you know Tai Chi helps people do that and it was shown that   after a year after the first six months, there was a significant treatment effect but after a year   you know it kept growing and after a year it was about 25% so Tai Chi can be effective acupuncture at the HT 7 median Meridian can attenuate anxiety-like behavior induced by   withdrawal from chronic morphine treatment through the meditation of the GABA receptor system   what does that mean that means if you if the acupuncture is done in very certain places the anxiety behavior the GABA a receptor system GABA is your main calming relaxation   neurochemical that is triggered and causes your body to sort of flood that receptor system and   this research was done on people who were detoxing from morphine treatment but we can look at   generalizing the results and I would be interested to see further studies on it pain other things we   need to do to help people with anxiety when people are in chronic pain they often have anxiety that   oh my gosh this is getting worse or it’s never gonna get better or I just can’t take this pain   anymore or they may get anxious that they’re going to be rejected because they can’t do some of the   things they used to do because they’re in so much pain so there’s a lot of guilt and anxiety that   can kind of revolve around pain what can we do to help clients guided imagery is generally very   helpful if we can help them imagine you know if that pain in their shoulder imagine the pain is   like the color red flowing out of their arm or other focus mindfulness so you know when you   think about something you know when you get a shot if I don’t think about it it doesn’t hurt near as   much as if the nurse says okay now one two three and you know she’s counting down and I’m getting   prepared and I’m focused on it I had another nurse one time who she was just talking   to me and you know put the alcohol on my arm and just kept on talking and didn’t tell me she was   getting ready to give me a shot and before I knew it she had given me a shot and she was like okay   we’re done I’m like you didn’t give me a shot yet she said yes I did it’s like oh so not focusing   on it and next time you have an itch for example if you’ve ever been driving on the interstate and   you can reach on your foot I get those on the bottom of my foot sometimes and I’m like okay   I’m not going to pull over to each my foot if you focus on something besides the itch eventually it   goes away I’m not saying the pain is gonna completely go away but the more people focus on it the more   it hurts physical therapy can help so encourage them to get a referral and encourage them to do a   self-evaluation if nothing else of ergonomics in their car at work where they watch TV and spend   most of their time at home and they’re sleeping so those are the four places that they spend most   of their time what do their ergonomics look like and that can help a lot of people mitigate   a lot of pain hormones are another thing that we need to look at imbalances of estrogen and   testosterone can contribute to anxiety symptoms heart palpitations fatigue irritability having   people get a physical we can’t as clinicians do anything about it but doctors can rapid heart   weight rate sweating palpitations are not uncommon in women in perimenopause or menopause so a lot   of women start feeling like they’re developing generalized anxiety and/or something’s going wrong   when they start reaching that mid-40s to mid-50s area and they start having some of these symptoms   again we’re not going to diagnose it but we do want them to recognize that it may not be anything   you know is catastrophic this is something that a a lot of women experience and help them figure out   how to deal with that supportive care biologically now you know this isn’t gonna treat anything but   we can help them minimize their vulnerabilities help them create a sleep routine so their brain   and body can rebalance this can help repair any adrenal issues that may be going on and improve   energy levels people with anxiety don’t sleep well so helping them figure out how to get some quality   sleep is important nutrition minimizing caffeine and other stimulants are going to be a big help   because those make people feel anxious and encourage them to work with a nutritionist to try to prevent   spikes and drops in blood sugar which can trigger the stress response when your blood sugar goes way   up or way down you can start getting kind of shaky and feel weird and that can cause people anxiety   because they might think oh my gosh I’m having a stroke or a heart attack or you know I don’t know   what these tremors are so it’s important that they don’t miss identify symptoms and encourage   them to drink enough water dehydration can lead to toxic Ardea which is increased heart rate   sunlight vitamin D deficiency is implicated in both depression and anxiety mood issues   vitamin D has been found in those main areas where serotonin receptors are found vitamin D receptors   are found so we know the serotonin and vitamin D have something going on sunlight prompts the skin   to tell the brain to produce neurotransmitters and set circadian rhythms which impact the release of   serotonin your calming neurochemical melatonin which is made from breaking down serotonin and helps you sleep and GABA so sunlight actually helps increase the release of GABA when it’s   time to start calming down and going to sleep exercise studies have shown that exercise can   have a relaxing effect and encourage clients to start slowly there’s not a whole lot of new research   on exercise and anxiety aromatherapy has been used a lot, especially in other countries in   the treatment of people with anxiety people with hospital anxiety people women who are giving birth   and they have some birth anxiety there they’ve been found to be effective in a lot of   those studies essential oils for anxiety include lavender rose Bedevere ylang ylang bergamot   chamomile frankincense and Clary sage encourage clients to just go to a health food store and   you know sniff some of these and see if it makes them feel happy and calm and content the aromatherapy   molecules enter the nasal membranes and they will start triggering neurochemical reactions   and so you don’t need to apply it you don’t need to ingest it all you need to do is so encourage   clients if they’re open to it to think about this because aromatherapy can be integrated into their bedroom for example with an atomizer or a Mr.It can be incorporated in a lot of different places   again where they’re not applying it or ingesting it in any way all they’re doing is smelling it   they’ve used it in defusing aromatherapy in hospital emergency rooms and they found that it   reduces stress and irritability the people in emergency rooms and I’ve been to enough emergency   rooms over the years to know that people who are in ers typically are not in the   best mood so if it can help those people then it’s probably going to have some sort of an   effect so psychologically helping clients realize that their body thinks there’s a threat for some   reason that’s why it triggered the threat response a system which is what they call anxiety so they   need to figure out why is there a threat you know sometimes it’s like the fire alarm going   off in my house it just means that the windows are open and there’s a strong breeze there is no fire   there is no problem there’s just a malfunction it’s a false alarm a lot of times clients get this threat reaction they get this stress reaction and it’s not a big deal right now so they   can start modifying what their brain responds to and again those basic fears that a lot of people   worry about failure rejection loss of control the unknown and death and loss distress tolerance is   one of those cognitive interventions that have taken center stage in anxiety research and   it isn’t about controlling your anxiety you know helping people recognize their anxiety acknowledge   it and say okay I’m anxious it is what it is how can I improve the next moment instead of   saying I’m anxious I shouldn’t be anxious I hate being anxious and slang with that anxiety let it   go just accept it is what it is have the client learn to start saying I am feeling anxious okay so   distract don’t react because I explain to them the whole notion of feelings comes in the crest and goes out   in about 20 minutes it’s like a wave so once they acknowledge their feeling if they can distract   themselves for twenty or thirty minutes you know they figured out there was no real threat if they can distract themselves for twenty or thirty minutes those emotions can go down and then   they can deal with it in their wise mind and encourage them to use distancing techniques instead of   saying I am anxious or I am terrified or whatever have them say I am having the thought that this   is the worst thing in the world I am having the thought that I cannot handle this because thoughts   come and go and that comes from acceptance and commitment therapy functional analysis makes it   possible to specify where and when with what frequency with what intensity and under what circumstances   the anxious response is triggered so it’s important that we help clients develop the   ability to do functional analyses on their own so when they start feeling anxious they can stop and   say okay where am I what’s going on how intense is it what are the circumstances and they start trying to figure out what causes this for them so they can identify any common themes from   their psychoeducation about cognitive distortions and techniques to prevent those circumstances or   mitigate them can be provided so if the client knows that they get anxious before they go into   a meeting with their boss and it’s usually a high the intensity of anxiety okay so we can educate them and help them identify what fears may be related to techniques to slow their breathing and calm   their stress reaction and help them figure out times in the past when they’ve handled going in   and talking to their boss and it wasn’t the end of the world you know there’s lots of   different things we can do there for them there but the first key and it gives them a lot of   a huge sense of empowerment to start becoming detectives in their own life and going okay now   under what situations does this happen positive writing this was another cool study each   day for 30 days the experimental group and this was high school-aged youth in China but you know   the experimental group engaged in 20 minutes of writing about positive emotions they felt that   day so they’re writing about anything positive that make them happy that made them enthusiastic gave them hope whatever long-term expressive writing positive emotions so after 30 days it   appeared to help reduce test anxiety by helping they develop insight and use positive emotional words so it got them out of the habit of using the destruction and doom words and encouraged them   to get in the habit of looking at the positive things and being more optimistic it’s a cool activity that clients can try it’s not gonna hurt anything if you have them journal each day   for 30 days mindfulness also came up in the research and was shown to be effective in   a meta-analysis of six articles about mindfulness based stress reduction four about mindfulness-based cognitive therapy and three about fear of negative appraisal and emotion regulation was reviewed all of these showed that mindfulness was an effective strategy for the treatment of   mood and anxiety disorders and is an effective in therapy protocols with different structures   including virtual modalities so you know if you’re doing it via teleconference mindfulness can still   be helpful mindfulness helps people start learning how to observe what’s going on and become aware of   what’s going on more aware of those circumstances which will help them complete their functional   analysis but it also helps them become aware of vulnerabilities and head off things in the past   and if they’re taking better care of themselves that they’re living more mindfully then they may   not experience as many situations that trigger their anxiety mindfulness also encourages clients   to learn acceptance that radical acceptance of it is what it is I’m not gonna fight it I’m angry   right now I am anxious right now however I’m feeling right now is how I feel and that’s okay it’s hard for clients to get to that but once they get a hold of that and they truly believe it   and they can say all right it’s fine I’m not gonna feel this way forever I’m gonna do something else   until the feeling passes it helps and that’s where the labeling and letting go comes in mindfulness   can also help them identify trigger thoughts what thought were you having right before you   started feeling anxious if people are mindful or let’s start back when people are not mindful they   often notice or don’t notice that they’re getting anxious until they’re like super anxious   when people are mindful they become more aware of subtle cues address unhelpful thoughts when they   say or believe it’s a dire necessity for adults to be loved by significant others for almost   everything they do always running gonna happen why is it a necessity what we can encourage them   to do is concentrate on their self-respect on winning approval for practical purposes you   know for promotions or whatever but it’s not about me being lovable it’s about me getting a promotion   and making more money and focusing on loving rather than being loved because when we give   love we generally get love back with unhelpful thought number two people feel they aren’t able to stand   it if things are not the way they want them to be or are not in their control so encourage clients   to focus on the parts that are in their control and other things in life which are going well and   to which they’re committed number three misery is invariably externally caused and is forced   on us by outside people and events just by reading that makes me feel disempowered so encouraging   clients to focus on the fact that reactions such as misery or happiness are largely caused by the   view that people take of the conditions so if you see it as a tragedy and devastating then   it’s probably going to produce misery if you see it as an opportunity and a challenge it’s   probably going to produce a different emotional reaction, if something is or may be dangerous or fearsome people, should be upset and endlessly upset about obsessing about it a lot of   people with anxiety get stuck on this you know if I feel like it’s fearsome I need to worry about   it getting on a plane for example if I fear that that’s dangerous that I need to think about it   and worry about it that’s not going to do any good so encourage clients to figure out how to   face it and render it harmless if possible and when that’s not possible accept the inevitable   so looking at airplanes you know facing it means researching to figure out how dangerous   is it really and realizing that it’s not that dangerous so that helps render it a little   bit harmless in their mind it proves to them that it’s not as dangerous as it could be and when   it’s not possible accepting the inevitable you know you got a fly so getting on there figuring   out how you’re gonna get through it hurricanes are the same way people especially in places   like Texas Louisiana Florida may obsess as soon as it starts coming to hurricane season or if a   hurricane is spotted out in the Atlantic somewhere they start checking the weather every hour or more   wondering what the path is going to be and you know what there’s you can’t change the path of the   hurricane so all you can do is board up your house evacuate if necessary and deal with the fallout child driving is just another example I’ll give you know my children are learning how to drive and   that’s kind of scary and fearsome you know what’s gonna happen when they’re out there you know you   see crashes all the time well render it harmless by making sure they’ve got good training on how   to drive make sure they’re good drivers and then accepting that some things are just not within   my control it’s easier to avoid than face life difficulties and responsibilities well running   from fear is usually much harder in the long run so encourage clients to look back at times when they’ve avoided difficulties and responsibilities and the eventual outcome you know what happened   there people believe they should be thoroughly competent in achieving in all possible respects   or they will be isolated rejected and failures we need to encourage clients to accept themselves as   imperfect with human limitations and flaws and focus on what makes them loveable human being   what qualities like courage and intelligence and creativity and those things that can’t be taken   away what inherent qualities do they have that make them awesome people because something once   strongly affected people’s lives they should indefinitely fear it if you got lost you know   when little kids get lost it’s terrifying when you’re grown up if you get lost you turn on the   GPS and you figure out your way but some people still, you know freaked out about getting lost if   they got lost once so we want to help people look back at past episodes that may be contributing to   the current anxiety and compare the situation’s you know are you the same person or is this not   a big deal now that you’re older wiser stronger encourage them to learn from past experiences   but not be overly attached to or prejudiced by them yeah you could have maybe got lost in the   past and it was a horrible experience well you were six I can see where that would be terrifying   and a horrible experience but it doesn’t have to continue to impact you that way now when you’re   you know 26 getting lost you know could be an opportunity to try a new restaurant or something   people must have complete control over things well this doesn’t happen so encourage clients   to remember that the past and the future are uncontrollable we can’t change the past it is what   it is we can learn from it so it doesn’t repeat but we can’t change it and the future is largely   uncontrollable I mean there are a lot of things I can do to stay moving toward a rich and meaningful   life but life is going to throw me curveballs sometimes and there’s nothing I can do to plan for   or control that we can control our actions in the present to stay on our preferred path and general   develop general skills to deal with adversity should it arise so we want to help clients   develop those general problem-solving skills and the general support system so when they are thrown   a curveball you know it doesn’t knock them upside the head people have virtually no control over   their emotions and cannot help feeling disturbed by things well encourage them to think about the   fact that they have real control over destructive emotions if they choose to work at improving the   next moment and changing inaccurate thoughts then they’re not going to experience the destructive   emotions as intensely or as frequently when you feel an emotion you feel how you feel but again   you don’t have to wrestle with it fight it and nurture it you can say this is how I feel how   do I improve the next moment when it comes to cognitive distortions encourage them to find   alternatives when they start to personalize things if somebody laughs when you walk out of the room   then the and the person starts getting anxious thinking oh they were making fun of me I wonder   what they thought I wonder if I had something stuck to the back of my dress and they start   getting all panicked about it that doesn’t do any good encouraging them to think you know what   our three alternate explanations that hadn’t but had nothing to do with you for why they laughed   magnification of the worst thing you know taking something and saying if this happens then it’s   going to be a catastrophe and minimization going along with that a lot of times when people magnify   and see a catastrophe they minimize not only their strengths and resources but all the   other stuff that they’ve got going for them all they’re seeing is this catastrophe so encouraging   them to focus on the facts of what is actually happening and what is the high probability   event and encourage them to get information and look at the broader picture you know yes you   got into a car crash and your car is totaled and that is unfortunate you know it sucks but   you know that is not going to cause you to lose your job and then become homeless and penniless   and yadda-yadda it might cause your insurance to go up but okay so you don’t have a car but what   are the resources that you have who can who do you work with that might be able to give you a   ride to work you know let’s look at the resources you have and work around so problem-solving helps   with magnification and also focusing on you know let’s be grateful for what didn’t happen you know   you could have been killed but you weren’t the car was totaled it’s replaceable all or nothing   thinking again have them think about what else could have been happening like Brittney suggested   finding the exceptions instead of saying she always does this look for exceptions when has   she not done that what else has she done instead of this selective abstraction and filtering is   when people look for the good the bad and the ugly a selective abstraction means you kind of   see what you expect to see so if you expect something to be devastating you see only the   devastating aspects of it which kind of goes with the magnification and minimization you filter out   the stuff a lot of times when people are in a bad mood or are anxious they see the negative because   that’s the state of mind they’re in so encouraging people to complete the picture alright there’s   all this bad stuff now what’s the good stuff you know to encourage them to look at the good the bad   and the ugly so they get a wide view of exactly what’s going on and encourage them to remember   that hindsight is twenty-twenty when people have something embarrassing happens or they get anxious   about something that happened they look back and they go I should have or I could have or oh I   wish I wouldn’t have when you were in that the situation you did what you did and you know   maybe you may have had a reason for it or you know you may have not had other options or it may have   just been a bonehead thing to do but okay so you made one mistake hindsight is 2020 that’s gonna   that mistake is gonna stand out just like the great big letter on the eye chart because you’re   thinking back and you’re looking at it and that’s all you see but encouraging clients to remember   that other people are too busy worrying about themselves to remember what they did jumping   to conclusions encourages clients to remember to get all the data if your significant other male   significant other comes home and is smelling like perfume don’t just jump to the conclusion that he   was cheating on you maybe he went to the mall to get a new tie and walked through the   perfume area and got spritzed or bought you some perfume or who knows maybe the person sitting next   to him at work sprayed her perfume on the desk and some of it filtered on there are all different   reasons that that might happen so encourage people to get all the data mind reading we can’t do it   you know you can’t read somebody’s mind you don’t know what they’re thinking so ask them what you think about this don’t assume anything and emotional reasoning encourages people to step back   from a situation and ask themselves am I feeling anxious about this because I’m feeling anxious and   I’m looking for reasons that it should be scary or am I feeling anxious about this because it’s   really scary for some reason there are facts support my anxiety a lot of times when we go into   new situations we may feel anxious because it’s a new situation but when we step back we say you   know what there’s nothing to be worried about here you know no big deal I got this and   move on so instead of rolling with it and trying to figure out okay I feel anxious so there must   be a reason not necessarily very likely a false alarm other psychological interventions relaxation   skills encourage people to learn how to relax not only physically but mentally diaphragmatic   breathing helps encourage them to breathe through their stomach and put their hand on their   belly and feel their belly expand and contract slows breathing down which triggers the rest and digestion reaction in the brain which is calming meditation can be helpful for some people some   people find trying to quiet their minds too frustrating because they’ve got too much   monkey mind going on that can be later or maybe never for some people, we don’t want to increase   their anxiety with interventions cute progressive muscular relaxation also has a lot of research   support and remembers with cute progressive muscular relaxation we’re Sakura get them   to attach a cue AK you word like relax or breathe with the relaxation response so they tense their   muscles and then relax their muscles and as they relax their muscles they say their “quack”-word   like relaxed and they work from head to toe or from toe to head tensing and relaxing different   muscle groups so they become more aware of what a tense muscle feels like versus a reactive relaxed   muscle there are great scripts that are online that people have already recorded that can walk   people walk clients through CPM are I highly encourage it because once they get used to it   then they can just think that cue they can think relax and as they exhale they will start to feel   their entire body kind of relaxing because it’s trained when it hears that just like when you hear   the word pop quiz when you were in high school you had a stress reaction well we want to use   it in reverse and train the body so that when it hears a cue word relaxes helps them develop   self-esteem because fear of failure and rejection a lot of times come from needing other people’s   approval to help them develop a rational idea of their real self develops compassion self-talk   instead of saying I’m an idiot or I’m stupid or I’ll never measure up to anything encourage them   to talk to themself like they would talk to their child or hopefully their best friend and encourage   them to spotlight strengths whenever they feel like they’ve got an imperfection to identify these   three strengths that they have so they’re you know balancing out the imperfections and the strengths of cognitive restructuring reframes challenges in terms of current strengths, not past weaknesses   so if you’re going to give a presentation in front of 60 people and you hate public speaking instead   of thinking about you know this is terrifying because the last time I went up in front of people   I forgot everything I was going to say and drop my note cards well that’s a past weakness what   is your current strength you’re prepared to know the material you ‘yoyo’ so encourage people   to look at all the strengths and resources they currently, have them develop an attitude of   gratitude and optimism because as I said with that the positive writing exercise when people   are in a grateful optimistic frame of mind they tend to see more of the good stuff they see the   bad stuff too but they can also see more of the good stuff and some of the bad stuff they see   opportunistically instead of as a devastation acceptance and commitment therapy says that some of the reasons that we’re miserable are fear we get fused with our thoughts we think I   am terrified well if I am terrified then I can’t I mean if I am I can’t get rid of anything I am   if I’m having the thought that I’m terrified well I can get rid of a thought I can forget   things easily encourage people to evaluate their experience and empower them to look at things as   challenges and opportunities instead of hardships encourage them not to avoid their experiences so   things that are scary gradual exposure and finding exceptions like for me bridges you   know I love public speaking so that’s not a thing but when I go to a bridge you know when   I Drive to the bridge you know when I’m on the bridge somebody else is driving I get used to   doing that when I Drive over a bridge than when I Drive over one of those bridges that open up   I hate those bridges um I know y’all are just like oh my gosh yeah it’s an irrational fear I realize   that but instead of going straight for the bridge that opens up going for the little bridges first   and then thinking back over times that I’ve gone over bridges and there’s been no problem you know there are exceptions nothing happened it wasn’t a big deal sometimes I didn’t even notice it until   somebody pointed out hey look down there at that pretty water and I’m like oh we’re on a bridge so   encourage people to not avoid their experiences get used to them embrace them and learn that they   have the power to deal with them and stop reason giving for the behavior you know use the challenging   questions if something is fearsome let’s look for at the evidence for and against it instead   of you know making excuses for social interventions improve their relationship with their self which   goes with self-esteem improvement people are going to feel less anxious about getting their needs and   wants to be met if they know what their needs and wants are so part of that is becoming mindful cuz a lot   of our clients don’t know what they need and want they just want to feel better but they don’t   know how they don’t know what they need to feel better so helping them identify their needs and   wants and encouraging them to be their own best friend you know when they get a promotion take themselves   out to dinner pat themselves on the back whatever it is don’t rely on other people to do it because   other people it’s not that they don’t care but other people are often very involved in thinking   about their stuff and they may not notice encourage them to develop a method of internal   validation so they can feel like they are all that ‘no bag of chips and they realize why they   are lovable human beings and they accept the the fact that everybody is not going to like them   and nobody is gonna like them all the time and that’s okay you know my kids don’t like me all   the time my husband doesn’t like me all the time I’m okay with that I know I can be challenging but   you know most of the time you know they like me and that’s okay and there are some people you   know who don’t like me at all and okay there’s nothing I can do about that helping our clients   develop an okayness with that helps relieve a lot of anxiety because a lot of people feel like they   have to be liked by everybody and if somebody doesn’t like them it’s like what did I do wrong   oh my gosh encourage them to develop healthily supportive relationships with good boundaries   develop assertiveness skills so they can ask for help when they need it anxiety a lot of times you   know that’s the body saying there’s a threat well if there’s a threat maybe you need some help you   know dealing with it so people need to be willing and able to ask for help and not feel like that’s   going to lead them to be rejected and allow them a certify this will allow them to say no to requests   again without feeling like that’s going to result in them being fully rejected describe the ideal   healthy supportive relationship and encourage them to separate the ideals from the reals you   know let’s look at if you had the best relationship what would it look like okay you know warden June   Cleaver we got that now how realistic is that you know let’s look at you know rephrasing this   a little bit so it’s less extreme you know warden June Cleaver never fought their kids were perfect   you know all those extreme words let’s look at what’s real what happens in real relationships encourages people to identify who would be a good partner in supportive relationships   I’m not meaning necessarily romantic I’m meaning friends and where they can be found you know where   would you find people that you could be friends with and encourage them to play through what it means when gaming cuz a lot of times again this goes with my reading you know what it means when your friend doesn’t return your text right away what does it mean when your friend cancels   dinner on Friday night what does it mean when you see where I’m going with this and a lot of   times clients with anxiety and rejection issues and low self-esteem will go to the worst-case   scenario so encourage them to go back to finding the exceptions what else could have been happening   what else could it be that caused this and it’s not about you so anxiety is a natural emotion that   serves a survival function excessive anxiety can develop from lack of sleep nutritional problems   neurochemical imbalances failure to develop adequate coping skills cognitive distortions low   self-esteem and a variety of another stuff recovery Ambala involves improving health behaviors making sure your body’s functioning and making the neurotransmitters it needs and you know release   them as needed to identify and build on current coping strategies address cognitive distortions   and develop a healthy supportive relationship with self and others if you enjoy this podcast please   like and subscribe either in your podcast player or on YouTube, you can attend and participate in our live webinars with dr.Snipes by subscribing at all CEUs comm slash counselor toolbox, this   episode has been brought to you in part by all CEUs calmly provide 24/7 multimedia continuing   education and pre-certification training to counselors therapists and nurses since 2006 have used coupon code consular toolbox to get a 20% discount on your order this month.As found on YouTubeAnimated Video Maker – Create Amazing Explainer Videos | VidToon™ #1 Top Video Animation Software To Make Explainer, Marketing, Animated Videos Online It’s EASIER, PRODUCTIVE, FASTER Get Commercial Rights INCLUDED when you act NOW Get Vidtoon™

6 Lies Your Anxiety Constantly Tells You

 Narrator, Hey Psych2goers, welcome back. When was the last time you felt completely at peace with your life and self? Sometimes our minds can linger in dark spaces with negative influences like anxiety Are there times when the voice of anxiety is louder than your own? Does it become difficult to discern between thoughts based on reality and thoughts that are merely lies clouding your mind, Identifying which thoughts are fear-based and false is the first step in shifting your mindset, which then helps you shift your self-image and life as a whole. So with that said, here are six common lies. Your anxiety may try to trick you into believing and how you can reframe those thoughts instead Number one. Everyone is focused on their flaws. The first time, gym, goers are often hesitant and timid due to the lack of experience and confidence in a new environment. They think they’ll stick out as the least experienced person in the room or that other gymgoers will judge them harshly over their body. What they don’t realize is that everyone there is too focused on themselves and improving their bodies to worry about others Replace the gym with other social settings, and you’ll realize the same applies. Remember that everyone has insecurities of their own, including the person you’re, interacting with Reclaim your mental space by focusing on being present with your setting or the people, you’re sharing time with You, ‘ll find that the less you focus on internalizing. Those negative feelings and the more you focus on being yourself, regardless of those insecurities the more confident you’ll, feel Number two. You’re not ready. Think of someone you admire, whether fictional or not If they refuse their call to action, whether that be accepting an invitation to a magical, wizarding school or volunteering themselves as a tribute in the Hunger Games all because they felt like they weren’t ready for Their world. Would be deprived of an important contribution When faced with a choice, to take a leap of faith? Remember that greatness comes when you act before. You feel ready Trust yourself to learn along the way and trust that your path will unfold gradually. As you carry on Number three, Your self-worth should be earned. The only factor that changes how connected you feel to your level of self-worth is a belief that is influenced by what you’ve been taught. Sometimes it’s not about adding more to your life through money, accomplishments, and material possessions to feel self-worth. Sometimes it’s about removing limiting thought patterns and unlearning the beliefs that convinced you to think less of yourself Throughout life. You may be conditioned by negative experiences, people, or trauma to believe that self-worth is something you must earn before you’re allowed to claim it, but that isn’t true. While there are things you should work hard to earn in life like a dream, job, or financial independence, self-worth is a feeling you innately deserve to have Number four. You must complete X by Y time in your life to be successful. Are you telling yourself? You must reach a certain goal at a certain time in your life to be deemed successful, or do you have a checklist with milestones you’d like to hit and are hard on yourself for not making those goals when you plan to This lie is exaggerated, Even further, when you look around and feel as though everyone is more successful than you or doing better in life than you are, The truth is, everyone is on their timeline and life is not a race. What looks like immediate success on the surface could be a goal that was years in the making for someone you admire. A successful goal is worth celebrating, no matter how long it takes. What matters most is your determination and persistence in making it happen. Number five. It or you will always be this way. Anxiety can trap your mind in a loop, causing you to believe that its presence will be a constant all your life. Your anxiety will lie to you by recalling all the times you failed to overcome it. You might think that you, ‘ll, always feel weak in the face of your fears or insecurities, but all of that is part of anxiety,’s negative influence, Bad memories are more easily remembered than good ones due to survival and evolution. When undergoing a negative experience, the two emotional, processing regions of the brain alerts you to what feels dangerous In an attempt to protect you, your brain imprints, these negative feelings into your memories, so that you can better prepare for future possibilities of similar experiences For every negative Memory that you have tried thinking about two other positive memories as well. This practice will help reframe your past in a positive light and can encourage a more optimistic view of your future And number six Change is bad. Are you afraid of change? Many of us are We’re scared of change because of its uncertain nature. Anxiety brings this fear to a new level, sometimes to the point where you feel paralyzed A bad breakup two years ago might leave room for the love of your life to arrive later. Not making the baseball team now could lead you to discover a passion for a new sport, and a conflict with a friend could be what deepens your bond with them. In a way you could, ‘t have imagined possible. Change can be good as long as you allow it. So did you relate to any of these When these thoughts or lies arise? Don’t force yourself to fight them off. If that proves to be a challenge at first, Allow them to appear like clouds forming in the sky, watch them pass through your mind, and let them float away You don’t have to believe or hold onto any of them With practice you’ll find They float into your mental space less and less Know that these thoughts are not your own and that there is an inner voice, encouraging you with positivity, underneath those fear-ridden thoughts. If you found this video helpful like and share it with friends that might find insight in this too Remember to subscribe to Psych2Go and hit the notification bell for more content. All the sources used are added in the description box below. Thank you for watching. Until next time, calming musicAs found on YouTubeHuman Synthesys Studio It’s Never Been Easier To Create Human Spokesperson Videos. No Learning Curve, So Easy To Use

7 Signs It’s Social Anxiety, Not Shyness

 (light upbeat music) – [Narrator] Hello, Psych2Goers and welcome back. All right, so how do you know it’s a disorder and not a trait? Who wouldn’t be a bit awkward when walking into a room full of strangers? Shyness is a trait. It’s the initial awkwardness that precedes forced small talk. The mere dislike of the spotlight, but it’s not distressing. Social anxiety, on the other hand, is the pervasive, intense fear of being judged, humiliated, rejected, or embarrassed in a social setting that leads to anxiety or avoidance. Although shyness and social anxiety share similar physical symptomatology, some traits differentiate them. And please remember this video is meant to be informative and should not be used as a rubric for self-diagnosis. If you have any personal questions or concerns regarding this topic, please consult a licensed professional. With that said, here are seven signs that you’re not just shy. Number one, avoiding or escaping very public settings. When you find yourself in new surroundings, do you open up after a while or stick to a familiar group of people? Or maybe a bathroom nearby or leaving early seems like a better sanctuary? Although a shy person may feel uncomfortable at a party where they don’t know anyone, someone with social anxiety will avoid public settings altogether. This symptom can devolve into agoraphobia. Public situations such as dining out at a restaurant, dating, or returning an item to a store can be harrowing for someone with an anxiety disorder, where there are opportunities for rejection or embarrassment. If avoidance is not possible, those who have social anxiety may try to escape the whole situation by using extreme avoidance and escapist tactics or safety behaviors. The problem with safety behaviors is that they provide the illusion of surviving the event. However, you still feel guilty for not controlling your anxiety. Number two is feeling very self-conscious in front of others. Do public settings make you feel uncomfortable? Does it feel as though people are watching and judging you? You might not even have everyone’s attention, yet you still have an inexplicable fear that at some point something will happen and everyone will start judging you. To someone who doesn’t suffer from social anxiety, this might sound illogical, but that’s the thing. Social anxieties sometimes don’t have logic. They can arise at the most random moment and make you suddenly feel as though the spotlight has fallen on you. Some physical symptoms involve sweating, heart palpitations, and panic attacks. Number three is fear of physical symptoms that may cause you embarrassment. Can you feel a certain set of physical symptoms kicking in as soon as you step out? Do you constantly cool your burning cheeks with the back of your hands? One way social anxiety can pass shyness is through physical cues. Both have physiological similarities such as blushing, sweating, rigid posture, and trembling. However, for someone with social anxiety, their bodily response can make them anxious. These physical symptoms add to the workload of stepping out into society. You constantly worry about how others might judge you for displaying these outward symptoms. Even having your mind go blank for a few seconds can make you feel like you left a poor impression. Number four, fear that others will notice that you look anxious. Are you quick to avert your eyes after a quick greeting? Are you more comfortable looking around while interacting with others? While shyness can be the initial driving force, it wears off with time to the point that you become comfortable holding steady eye contact. On the contrary, social anxiety does not wear away after the first few moments of interaction. As you feel its presence, all the while you are reluctant to engage in open interaction. Since your social anxiety is a tangible experience for you, you fear that it’s also noticeable for those around you. Thus, producing more anxiety. Number five, having anxiety in anticipation of a feared activity or event. Is the mirror your trustee audience months before a public event? Before a big event, like a presentation, it’s normal to feel a bit anxious. If it’s shyness holding you back, it can diminish over a while. However, if you experienced social anxiety, you might think for months about all the things that could go wrong. In some cases, these thoughts can accumulate in your mind and lead you to avoid the event or situation. This behavior can be particularly damaging if it’s school or work-related. Having an honest support system can help alleviate the worst of the jitters. Number six, a past negative social experience. Is there a rigid memory of things going awry in a social setting? When you first experience a setback at a social event, it tends to take root in you in the form of dread. However, if it was just shyness, the next time you encounter such a setting and come out unscathed, some of that dread chips away. But when you’re socially anxious, no amount of chipping away is sufficient. You are always expecting the worst possible consequences. You lose interest in even working on basic social skills. Although the definitive cause for social anxiety is unknown, researchers believe that underdeveloped social skills can lead to social anxiety. Being teased or bullied for being socially awkward can lead you to fear further social interactions and exacerbate social anxiety. And number seven, spending time after a social situation analyzing your performance and identifying flaws in your interactions. Do you mull over conversations way into the night? Are you constantly thinking up how you should have responded long after the topic is over? Sometimes we revisit past moments to learn from them and become better. But obsessing over a past detail usually ends with insecurities creeping out from the corners of your mind to make you feel inferior. However, for someone with social anxiety, obsessing over a small detail does not feel like a choice. Social anxiety is about seeing yourself through the lens of someone else. Hence, you might be prone to dwelling on and analyzing past interactions, especially conversations. The trigger is in the part of the conversation that you keep replaying. Only when you figure out a better response can you let it go. Letting go is a difficult step and it might take some time to learn. Everyone experiences anxiety to varying degrees. Hence, professional advice tailored to meet individual needs is essential to ensure positive results. Your apprehensions are by no means a reason for you to swear off from society. By seeking appropriate support and help, you can soon view the outside world as your conquered battlefield. Have you ever had the two mixed? What has helped you cope with social anxiety? Feel free to leave a comment down below with your thoughts, experiences, or suggestions. If you found this video helpful, be sure to hit the like button and share it with those out there, pondering the two. Don’t forget to subscribe to Psych2Go and hit the notification bell for more new videos. Thanks for watching.As found on YouTubeShow me the simple steps to overcome shyness & cure social anxiety ➫ The Shyness and Social Anxiety System was created by Sean Cooper, a former social anxiety sufferer. Learn how to overcome your quietness, erase your insecurities and be confident around people using proven psychology.

7 Signs You’re Depressed and Don’t Know It

 – [Narrator] There’s been a huge decline in mental health around the world, which is why we’re so committed to creating more content than we ever have. Thanks for being a part of our journey. Hey you, Psych2goer’s happy Mental Health Awareness Month. It’s so important to have a month dedicated to spreading awareness of medical conditions that can’t be seen. When you think of depression what do you think of? Being sad? Thoughts related to death, unanswered calls, or texts? These are all very common and noticeable signs of depression, but did you know, there are more subtle signs of depression that can fly under the radar? Let’s check out seven signs of depression that go unnoticed. Number one, you toggle between emotions depending on your surroundings. When we think of depression we often think of being sad all the time but did you know that that isn’t always the case? A subtle sign of depression is when an individual flips between sadness and happiness based on the scenario and setting. For example, you might be sad when you’re alone but happy when you’re out with your friends. Having people around or something to keep your mind off things allows for a bit of reprieve. This can also be something called forced happiness, where the person feels inclined to put on a smile for others. A group of researchers found that potential depression sufferers on Twitter change the way they use language and interact on social media. You may notice them sending you more negative texts or posting darker posts on their social media accounts. But when you hang out with them in person, they’re completely happy. This online persona allows them to be and say what they want. Number two, you notice changes in your habits. There’s a certain stigma around staying up late at night. When you see posts or texts from a friend in those early hours, you may not think anything of it but when you notice it more consistently this could be cause for concern. Other habits that can be disrupted can be eating, bathing, getting dressed, and going to work school or other appointments. Ignoring these basic human needs is not caring for yourself. Then it could be a sign that there are more things at play than just being tired or feeling lazy. Number three, you start blaming yourself for things even if it’s not your fault. When you’ve done something, it’s important to take responsibility for it and hold yourself accountable. But do you notice someone apologizing for everything, even for things they didn’t do? You say I spilled juice on my shirt. They say, sorry. You say it’s raining, I wanted to go running. They say, sorry. They didn’t make you spill juice on your shirt. They didn’t make it rain and purposely ruin the day but they feel like it’s their fault. This can even manifest as remembering or reliving an embarrassing memory and not moving on from it. Even having a feeling of guilt can leave someone feeling depressed. Number four, you’re not doing what you used to do. Have you noticed a certain friend has declined a lot of your invitations to hang out later? Did you notice they’re not going anywhere besides work or school? Maybe there’s a friend who still shows up at their hobbies like sports practice or music rehearsal but has lost all enjoyment. These are all signs of potential depression. When you’re depressed, activities that used to produce dopamine, the feel-good hormone, don’t react the same way causing you to not feel that same joy. This is another sign that can be paired with toggling mentioned in the first point. The individual may feel like they need to match their previous high spirits and hide their new emotions so they don’t bring the mood down. Number five, you have difficulty making decisions. When you ask your significant other to hang out it’s nice to get some input on what they wanna do or even leave the decision up to them. Someone who may have depression may not have any opinions on anything. It can be as small as what to eat for dinner or more difficult as what to major in or deciding your budget. This can mean the individual doesn’t feel like they’re good or smart enough to make the right decision. Pushing away from making decisions can be a good indicator of possible depression. Number six, you’re always on edge. Irritability is a common symptom of mental health conditions. But how can you tell the difference? Let’s say you’re crushing on someone and your friend knows it. If your friend starts flirting with your crush in front of you, this is a situation where being irritable is a valid and reasonable response but say you have a roommate and one shared TV. You wanna watch a movie after work, but when you come home your roommate is already watching something which causes you to blow up at your roommate. The reaction is out of proportion to the situation. Sure, it’s annoying that someone’s watching TV but it’s something a simple conversation can solve. You can ask your roommate if they would mind you watching a movie after they’ve finished. That knee-jerk reaction to get angry can be a sign of other mental health issues like depression. And number seven, you feel physical pain. Have you ever felt pain like muscle ache or headache? And you have no idea where it came from? When you feel physical pains regularly, it’s always a good idea to consult a medical professional to determine if there are any underlying reasons for them. If nothing is found, it may be a good next step to contact a trusted mental health provider. So did any of these signs surprise you? Have you noticed these other signs of depression in yourself or a loved one? Let us know in the comments below. If you are someone you know is concerned that they may be showing signs of depression, please consult a mental health professional. And if you found this video helpful please share it with others. The references and studies used are listed in the description below. Until next time, take care and see you soon.As found on YouTubeHi, My name is James Gordon 👻🗯 I’m going to share with you the system I used to permanently cure the depression that I struggled with for over 20 years. My approach is going to teach you how to get to the root of your struggle with depression, with NO drugs and NO expensive and endless therapy sessions. If you’re ready to get on the path to finally overcome your depression, I invite you to keep reading…

8 Signs You Might Have Social Anxiety

 Hey, Psych2Goers! And welcome back to another Psych2Go video. Do you find it hard to socialize with other people? Do you feel overwhelmed at the thought of going to a social event? It can be very easy to confuse social anxiety and shyness.. ..since they share many of the same characteristics. While shyness is a personality trait.. ..social anxiety is a mental illness. Before we begin we’d like to mention that this video is created for educational purposes only.. ..and is not intended to substitute a professional diagnosis. With that being said, here are eight signs you might have social anxiety. #1 You’re always self-conscious. One aspect of social anxiety is the extreme fear of being judged. According to Kocovski and Endler if you have social anxiety; You’ll constantly worry about the way you look or act and what others think of you. Your greatest fear is of embarrassing yourself in front of others. A shy person, on the other hand, will only worry about being judged in certain situations.. ..like in public speaking or when meeting someone new. #2 Your anxiety feels out of hand. There are times when it’s normal to feel shy or nervous around other people. ..for example when you move to a new school or have to perform in front of an audience. But social anxiety is irrational and unwarranted. You may feel distressed about things as simple as making eye contact with someone,.. ..using public transportation, or eating in front of other people. The fear is always there. The fear is always there. #3 It interferes with your performance. Have you ever called in sick to work when your anxiety became too overwhelming? ..or have you kept quiet when you were having trouble in class? Social anxiety can impact your performance in many ways.. ..with the constant fear of people’s judgment You may even be afraid to do well to avoid drawing attention. You don’t pitch ideas at meetings.. ..raise your hand in class… or join clubs because of how much anxiety it creates. #4 It affects your relationships. While it’s hard to make friends when you’re shy.. ..it can feel almost impossible when you have social anxiety. For a shy person, it’s usually about breaking the ice.. ..and going through the initial awkwardness of meeting each other. But having social anxiety can complicate your relationships. You feel tense and uneasy around people...no matter how close you are or how long you’ve known them. #5 It doesn’t go away with familiarity. It’s normal to feel shy at the beginning of a new relationship. But as you get to know each other the tension will start to subside. This isn’t the case if you have social anxiety. Instead, you always experience fear distress, and embarrassment whenever you’re around other people. Doesn’t matter if it’s your parent’s siblings or best friend.. ..you always feel uneasy and stressed unless you’re alone. #6 You overanalyze everything. Have you ever said things to yourself like; “I took too long to reply and now she doesn’t like me ..” or “He didn’t say hello this morning because he’s upset with me ..” Social anxiety can make you obsess over your social interactions. You may spend a lot of time and energy.. ..analyzing other people’s facial expressions.. ..body language and tone of voice.. ..to see if they mean what they’re saying or not. #7 You avoid social situations. Are you often absent or very late to social gatherings? It’s a serious matter if your social anxiety leads you to avoid social situations altogether. You decline invitations, refuse to speak in front of people, ..and would rather sit in the corner.. ..to avoid being noticed and mingle with anyone else. It doesn’t matter if it’s a normal day at work or school.. ..your birthday party, or even your wedding day. And #8 You have physical symptoms. Do you feel nausea? dizziness or chest palpitations when you’re in social situations? Just like most anxiety disorders.. ..social anxiety is often accompanied by physical symptoms. Some common ones are sweaty palms, shortness of breath.. lightheadedness, and trembling. While these are also the same signs of someone having a panic attack. You’ll be able to tell the difference if you only show these symptoms.. ..when anticipating or being out in a social setting. Do you relate to any of these symptoms above? Let us know in the comments below. If you do, you’re not alone…nor are you bad for feeling this way. The references and studies used in this video are added in the description below. If you find this video helpful, be sure to like, subscribe…and share this video with those who might benefit from it as well! Thanks for watching and we’ll see you in the next video!As found on YouTubeShow me the simple steps to overcome shyness & cure social anxiety ➫ The Shyness and Social Anxiety System was created by Sean Cooper, a former social anxiety sufferer. Learn how to overcome your quietness, erase your insecurities and be confident around people using proven psychology.

6 Physical Symptoms that Might Be Anxiety

 – [Presenter] Have you ever experienced physical symptoms and not known why? It could be that you’re experiencing anxiety without realizing it. So what exactly is anxiety? Experiencing occasional moments of anxiety is normal, such as when facing a problem at work or before taking an exam where you may feel your heart beating rapidly sweaty palms, or have nausea. But these symptoms of nervousness dissolve over time. While you may have experienced these symptoms at some point, anxiety is more than temporary worrying or stress. Worries and stress arise from external triggers such as an upcoming deadline or an argument with a loved one. Anxiety on the other hand is persistent worry in the absence of stressors. The American Psychology The association defines it as an emotion characterized by apprehension and somatic symptoms of tensions in which an individual anticipates impending danger, catastrophe, or misfortune. Aside from its mental symptoms, anxiety also produces a roster of physical symptoms such as insomnia, fatigue, and muscle tension. Most people pay more attention to the physical symptoms as they’re easy to identify, and as a result, tend to treat the symptoms rather than the underlying cause. So with that said, here are six symptoms of anxiety that can help you discern if it’s an illness or anxiety. Number one is irritability. Yes, this symptom may seem vague because when you’re unwell, who wouldn’t be a bit irritated? However, if you find yourself getting worked up over the slightest things, that could be a sign of anxiety. Anxiety triggers our fight-flight or freezes response. It also makes you believe that you’re constantly in danger which reduces your tolerance to stress. As your stress tolerance decreases you become more susceptible to snapping at someone. According to statistics, only a small percentage of you who watch our videos are subscribed. If you’re not subscribed yet and you enjoy what you see do consider hitting the subscribe button. This encourages your hoops algorithm in promoting more of our mental health content to more people out there. Number two is depersonalization or derealization. Another sign that your physiological symptoms are the result of anxiety and not a sickness is if you experience frequent bouts of derealization or depersonalization. Both symptoms disrupt how you perceive yourself and the world. Derealization is a sensation of being outside of your body and is a frightening thing to experience. One minute you can be walking down the street and suddenly everything feels two-dimensional or unreal. Depersonalization is usually described as an out-of-body experience. Most times you feel like you’re watching and hearing yourself in real-time, but your actions feel distant like you’re not the person doing them and your limbs or body can appear distorted and foreign to you. Reports show that stress and anxiety are the primary causes of derealization and depersonalization because your fight or flight response to stress floods your brain with adrenaline which redirects blood from the brain to the larger muscle groups and core. Because your brain has less blood you may feel more lightheaded, and as a result, you may experience derealization and depersonalization. If this happens to you, it helps to breathe. The adrenaline usually takes two to three minutes to metabolize but you may take 20 minutes to calm down physically and mentally. Number three is phobias and coping mechanisms. Another sign that you’re experiencing anxiety and not a physical illness is if you notice that you’ve developed new and unexplainable phobias.We all have phobias whether they developed during childhood or are the result of a bad experience. Phobias are our brain’s way of trying to keep us from harm. However, some phobias are the results of anxiety and can become obstacles in your daily life. Technically phobias are categorized as anxiety disorders and fall into two groups; specific and complex. Specific phobias usually stem from a bad experience, but complex phobias stem from mental or emotional distress. Specific phobias usually don’t need treatment but complex phobias, like agoraphobia, the fear of being in busy places, and social phobia do. These phobic opioids can make you feel more alone and can also affect your self-esteem. Number four, attacks, trouble breathing. A telltale sign of anxiety is experiencing a panic attack or anxiety attack. Though both terms are used interchangeably, they’re different. A panic attack is a sudden overwhelming surge of emotion such as fear and discomfort. You may feel your chest tighten as your breathing has stopped. You may also feel dizzy or lightheaded. While anxiety attacks have similar symptoms, they’re a bit different as they’re the result of symptoms that have been gradually building up. Number five is gastrointestinal disruptions. Gastrointestinal issues are another sign of anxiety but can also arise independently of your mental health. While anxiety and gastro illnesses are mutually exclusive, there is research supporting the theory that anxiety causes gastrointestinal disorders such as irritable bowel syndrome and studies have shown the comorbidity between anxiety and irritable bowel syndrome. There’s lots of research that treatment for some gastrointestinal disorders may involve therapy. And number six, physiological strangeness. A final sign that you’re experiencing anxiety is if you feel tingling or numbness usually in your face and limbs, which is the feeling of blood rushing to your extremities as your fight or flight response kicks in. While blood rushes to our extremities, other areas of your body can feel weak. Tingling and numbing can also be caused by hyperventilation which indirectly happens when you’re anxious. Along with the symptoms listed in this article, there are other ways anxiety can manifest itself. Despite its symptoms, anxiety is manageable. Please reach out to a medical health professional or a therapist for help. Do you recognize any of these symptoms in yourself? Let us know when the comments are below. And remember to like and share this video with those who might benefit. As always, the references and studies used are listed in the description below. Take care and thanks for watching. See you next time.As found on YouTubeHi, My name is James Gordon 👻🗯 I’m going to share with you the system I used to permanently cure the depression that I struggled with for over 20 years. My approach is going to teach you how to get to the root of your struggle with depression, with NO drugs and NO expensive and endless therapy sessions. If you’re ready to get on the path to finally overcome your depression, I invite you to keep reading…

Dating With Anxiety: 8 Struggles

 (lively music) (dinging) – [Narrator] Hi, Psych2Goers and welcome back to another video. Thank you so much for all the love and support you’ve given us, enabling us to venture further into everyday psychology. So let’s begin. Awkward silences, clumsy stumbles, and even mistaken names. Sound familiar? They’re all part of dating, whether you have anxiety or not. The true difference comes before and after the hiccup. Did you spend all day practicing what you would say? Are you going to come back to this small moment in time again and again when you think about dating? When you’re struggling with anxiety, it can be incredibly frustrating to have an extra obstacle to navigate when you’re trying to focus on finding love but you’re not alone. There are countless resources available both on and offline to help you learn, find support and cope with anxiety. Who knows, maybe you’ll meet someone who can relate. Before we begin, please remember Psych2Go is not a medical professional and these videos should not be used in place of a diagnosis. With that said, here are eight dating struggles people with anxiety face. One, thoughts turn into obsessions so quickly. Have you ever been so preoccupied with dating that it feels like you run into couples wherever you look? It turns out there’s a science behind this phenomenon. Karen McDowell Ph.D. told Healthline that anxiety stems from the way we think so, she began, “If you fear that you’re unlovable, that your date will not like you or that you will do or say something awkward, your brain will go into overdrive, trying to confirm its suspicions.” Two, your fears try to end things before they even begin. Self-sabotage can sound as subtle as I can’t ask her out. She’s way out of my league. If you’ve given up on something before you’ve even tried, stop. The anxious thoughts that make you hesitate are to protect you from potential region or embarrassment. But by avoiding dating altogether, you’re guarding yourself against opportunities and connection too. Three, what are you supposed to say? Does your mind race through what-ifs during introductions? Do you rehearse your hello for the 100th time until it sounds just right? Even though this can be an awkward moment to navigate for even those who don’t struggle with anxiety, meeting someone new can often be a trigger for anxious individuals. They might lose their train of thought altogether. What does a person even say to someone they’ve just met? Four, you can’t stay present when you’re together. Do you find yourself ruminating in the past or worrying about the future? Time travel might be a cool concept in science fiction movies but when you’re trying to have a rom-com moment, it just doesn’t click. Connecting with someone requires you to be in the moment and attentive to the other person but this can be difficult when your brain is swirling with input. If you can relate to this, don’t be too hard on yourself because there’s a reason your mind wants to do it. Five, spending a night out means spending a night stressed out. Leaving home makes a lot of people anxious. But for some, this can severely impact their social life. Mayo Clinic defines agoraphobia as a type of anxiety disorder in which you fear and avoid places or situations that might cause you to panic and make you feel trapped, helpless, or embarrassed. While this fear of stressful situations might keep you indoors and isolated, you are not alone. According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, over 40 million people suffer from some type of anxiety disorder in the US alone. So you’re bound to find someone who’d be excited to spend a night with you. Six, anxiety’s physical symptoms can ruin a date night. Fewer things could ruin date night faster than an anxious thought, which spirals out of control. If you experience physical symptoms of anxiety, such as dizziness, heart palpitations, or sweating, you know just how real the struggle can be.These symptoms come on fast and can be extremely debilitating. Think of something along the lines of stomach trouble on a first date. As embarrassing as it can be in the moment, remember that everyone has times when their body and even their mind turn against them. Seven, you always assume things won’t end well. Are you a glass-half-empty kind of person? Has it become only too easy for you to find the worst-case the scenario in any situation? When anxious and intrusive thoughts have been around for a long time, they begin to become so habitual that they’re automatic. It’s easy to imagine relationships crumbling to pieces or first dates ending so badly you’ll never show your face again. But if you’re able to give it time and lots of practice, imagining second dates and a happy love life may not be so hard either. Eight, it’s hard to get to know someone when communication is so scary. One of the most frustrating things about anxiety is that it stops you from pursuing things you want deep down. Even though what you want is to connect with them, you still may seem nervous or even fearful around the person you’re interested in. In some cases, anxiety can stop you from expressing your feelings or communicating with anyone at all, which makes the frustration grow further. Do any of these apply to you? Leave a comment down below about your experiences. Also, know that you’re not alone in this contradictory struggle and there are so many understanding people in the world who want to know you, support you and maybe even go out with you. We hope we were able to give you a little insight into the inner workings of an anxious mind during dating. If you find this video helpful, be sure to hit the Like and Subscribe button and share it with those out there juggling anxiety in dating. Thanks for watching and we’ll see you in the next video.As found on YouTubeShow me the simple steps to overcome shyness & cure social anxiety ➫ The Shyness and Social Anxiety System was created by Sean Cooper, a former social anxiety sufferer. Learn how to overcome your quietness, erase your insecurities and be confident around people using proven psychology.

8 Signs You Might Have Social Anxiety

 Hey Psych2Goers And welcome back to another Psych2Go video: Do you find it hard to socialize with other people? Do you feel overwhelmed at the thought of going to a social event? It can be very easy to confuse social anxiety and shyness since they share many of the same characteristics While shyness is a personality. Trait social anxiety is a mental illness. Before we begin, we’d like to mention that this video is created for educational purposes. Only and is not intended to substitute a professional diagnosis With that being said, here are eight signs. You might have social anxiety. 1, You’re, always self-conscious. One aspect of social anxiety is the extreme fear of being judged According to Kocovski and Endler. If you have social anxiety, You’ll constantly worry about the way you look or act and what others think of you. Your greatest fear is of embarrassing yourself in front of others. A shy person, on the other hand, will only worry about being judged in certain situations like in public speaking or when meeting someone new 2. Your anxiety feels out of hand. There are times when it’s normal, to feel shy or nervous around other people. For example, when you move to a new school or have to perform in front of an audience, But social anxiety is irrational and unwarranted. You may feel distressed about things as simple as making eye contact with someone using public transportation or eating in front of other people. The fear is always there. The fear is always there 3. It interferes with your performance. Have you ever called in sick to work when your anxiety became too overwhelming, or have you kept quiet when you were having trouble in class Social anxiety can impact your performance in many ways with the constant fear of people’s judgment, You may even be afraid To do well to avoid drawing attention You don’t pitch ideas at meetings, raise your hand in class or join clubs because of how much anxiety it creates 4? It affects your relationships While it’s hard to make friends. When you’re shy, it can feel almost impossible when you have social anxiety For a shy person. It’s usually about breaking the ice and going through the initial awkwardness of meeting each other. But having social anxiety can complicate your relationships, You feel tense and uneasy around people, no matter how close you are or how long you’ve known them.  5. It doesn’t go away with familiarity. It’s normal to feel shy at the beginning of a new relationship, But, as you get to know each other, the tension will start to subside This isn’t the case. If you have social anxiety Instead, you always experience fear, distress, and embarrassment. Whenever you’re around other people, Doesn’t matter, if it’s your parents, siblings, or best friend, you always feel uneasy and stressed unless you’re alone, 6, You overanalyze everything. Have you ever said things to yourself like I took too long to reply and now she doesn’t like me, or He didn’t, say hello this morning, because he’s upset with me? Social anxiety can make you obsess over your social interactions. You may spend a lot of time and energy analyzing other people,’s, facial expressions, body, language, and tone of voice to see if they mean what they’re saying or not. 7. You avoid social situations. Are you often absent or very late to social gatherings? It’s a serious matter if your social anxiety leads you to avoid social situations altogether, You decline, invitations refuse to speak in front of people, and would rather sit in the corner to avoid being noticed and mingle with anyone else. It doesn’t matter if it’s a normal day at work or school, your birthday party, or even your wedding day And 8. You have physical symptoms. Do you feel nausea, dizziness, or chest palpitations when you’re in social situations, Just like most anxiety disorders, social anxiety is often accompanied by physical symptoms. Some common ones are sweaty palms shortness of breath, lightheadedness, and trembling. While these are also the same signs of someone having a panic attack, You’ll be able to tell the difference if you only show these symptoms when anticipating or being out in a social setting, Do you relate to any of these symptoms? Above, Let us know in the comments below, If you do, you, ‘re, definitely not alone. Nor are you bad for feeling this way, The references and studies used in this video are added in the description below. If you find this video helpful be sure to like subscribe and share this video with those who might benefit from it as well, Thanks for watching and we’ll see you in the next video Continue reading 8 Signs You Might Have Social Anxiety