Anxiety Disorders in the DSM 5 TR | Symptoms and Diagnosis

Hey there, everybody, and welcome to this presentation on diagnosing anxiety and panic in the DSM 5tr. I’m your host Dr. Donnelly Snipes in this presentation.Very briefly, we’re going to review the diagnostic criteria for anxiety disorders or at least most of them in the DSM 5 tr.So let’s talk a little bit about anxiety disorders in general, when we’re talking about anxiety disorders, we need to remember that fear and anxiety may be expressed as fighting agitation, tantrums fleeing freezing fawning clinging, or withdrawal, or what I call the final f, Which is um politely forget about it, because people, just don’t have any more energy left, so they kind of withdraw anxiety.Disorders differ from each other regarding the types of objects or situations that cause fear, anxiety, or avoidance behaviors and the associated beliefs.Anxiety disorders represent a response that is not developmentally culturally or, I also add, contextually normative in terms of intensity or duration.So when we’re looking at what somebody is anxious about, we want to examine, obviously culture and development, something that a five-year-old is afraid of is not necessarily going to be the same thing that a 25-year-old is afraid of.We also want to look at context, though, something that uh, you’re, afraid of in one context, you may not be afraid of in another like for children being around strangers may not be stressful for them when they are at home or when they’re.At school, somebody comes in to do a presentation versus when they are alone and they don’t have a caregiver around.Interestingly, from August 2020, through December 2020, the percentage of adults reporting symptoms of an anxiety disorder rose from 31 4 to 36 9.Now, when you go through the DSM and you start adding up the prevalence of these anxiety disorders, it is really hard to get to a number anywhere close to 36 9. So the numbers in the DSM and the numbers in the uh national health survey, don’t seem to jive very well.We also have to remember that during 2020 we were at the beginning of the pandemic, so there was more anxiety.You would expect that, but even the 31 percent that it was before 2020 seems to be higher than what is identified in the DSM.So I think that’s interesting the anxiety chapter in the DSM 5tr, just like in the DSM 5, is arranged in order of diagnosis which appears in children first, so separation, anxiety, and disorder appear first, and generalized anxiety.The disorder is down a little way, whereas you might expect some of the quote more common disorders to be first, but that’s not how the DSM is arranged.However, in this presentation, I did put generalized anxiety first, when we talk about generalized anxiety, we’re talking about excessive anxiety most days for six or more months, and the anxiety is about a variety of things.It’s not just about one particular thing like health or an individual or a phobia.It is about a variety of things.The worry, in addition to being excessive for the person’s developmental age, culture, and context.The worry is difficult to control the anxiety or the feeling of anxiety is associated with three or more symptoms in adults or one or more symptoms in children, feeling restless or feeling keyed up or on edge, easily fatigued difficulty concentrating, or mind going blank, irritability muscle, tension Or sleep disturbance, I want you to think about it. Anxiety is part of the fight or flight response, so we would expect somebody to experience anxiety.Would it be experiencing symptoms of hpa, axis activation, or activation of the threat, threat, response, or stress response? Whatever you want to call it, so we would expect all of these symptoms or any of these symptoms. When the fight or flight system is engaged, the body is not focused on higher order, processing, memory, or concentration it’s focused on self-preservation protection the person becomes more vigilant because they are trying to protect themselves from threats.They’re not able to relax enough to get good quality sleep because guess what they are keyed up.They’re scanning for those threats, muscle tension and I’ve mentioned in other videos.When I used to play tennis, my coach always used to say don’t stand flat-footed on the baseline, because it takes more time and it’s harder for you to run and spring into action to where that ball is going to be.Now.That is not a threat per se, but the same thing is true for people with anxiety disorders, when you are when you’ve got that muscle tension, it’s kind of like standing on your toes on the baseline.In tennis, you are primed and ready to go and it makes it easier to theoretically fight or flee.These symptoms have to cause clinically significant distress.People can have subclinical anxiety disorder where they have a lot of worry about a variety of things, but it is either not excessive for what they’re worried about, or it doesn’t cause them clinically significant distress. Overall, they report a decent quality of life.It doesn’t interfere with functioning in major areas of their life and generalized anxiety disorder, as well as all of the disorders, are not better explained by a medical, mental, or substance use disorder, and we’re going to talk in the end about differential diagnosis Of the anxiety disorders in general because there’s a lot of overlap between the symptoms, as well as the differential, diagnosis, and comorbidities for anxiety disorders.Remember the difference is often what the person experiences anxiety about and the cognitions associated with the diagnostic features of generalized anxiety disorder.Well, this section, as with most of the sections in the anxiety chapter, pretty much just recapitulated the diagnostic criteria and it elaborated a little bit.One interesting feature is that for generalized anxiety disorder, they noted that adults tend to worry about general life, things like paying bills and getting a promotion, or what’s going to happen with this or that or what’s going on in the world. Kids tend to worry about their competence like performing at school or their ability to be competent in relationships.Sometimes they worry about disaster now, with the coming of the pandemic.We can probably add that too, but other disasters like hurricanes and fires and floods and those sorts of things can prompt a lot of worry in children and punctuality.Interestingly enough, some children become very concerned about being punctual, and so it’s interesting to note that there is a difference in what they worry about, which makes sense, because adults have different responsibilities than kids do, and you notice that, except for disaster, a lot of these worries revolve around the primary life areas or functions of the person.You know: kids, are,  n’t worried about paying bills or or maintaining or parenting, or some of the things that that adults worry about associated symptoms.Well, let me talk about disaster. Quick, I’m trying not to go too far off the rails today, because we’ve got a lot to cover, but it’s important to recognize that children have a difficult time, understanding, the prevalence and likelihood of things.So when there is a disaster such as you know, we’ve had several in middle Tennessee over the past two years and a child watching the news or hearing about the news may not understand how close or far away that disaster was or the likelihood of It recurring adults are better able to understand.You know it’s a 100-year flood or there’s the chance of it happening again.Do you know whatever? The probability is depending on what you’re talking about children don’t understand that they see it on the news it feels like, since it’s on the news, it’s kind of in their house.So it feels like it’s right in their space and it’s hard to know when it’s going to end or when it’s going to happen again, which can prompt them to have a lot more worries about disasters.Parents can help by explaining some of the things to them and explaining to children the probability of another disaster occurring, and you know how they’re safe right now and the steps that they can take.It won’t do everything, but it is important again to recognize children’s different cognitive abilities compared to adults, associated symptoms with generalized anxiety, disorder, and other somatic symptoms that are not as intense as those seen in panic disorder.So we will also see potentially heart racing clammy, skin, rapid breathing other things, and an upset stomach that isn’t specifically indicated in diagnostic criteria, but we know it happens when that fight or flight response is kicked off the prevalence.Remember I said if you start adding up the prevalence of all these anxiety disorders.You’re going to be hard-pressed to get anywhere close to 31 percent and according to the DSM 5 tr between one percent of adolescents and three percent of adults in the? U s experience generalized anxiety disorder according to the National Center on Health Statistics in 2019. Now that was before the pandemic.15 6 of adults experienced symptoms of generalized anxiety disorder in the prior two weeks.The development, and course the mean onset, is rarely before adolescence, and is I’m? Sorry, the mean onset is 35 and rarely before adolescence.So this is one of the disorders that has a much later onset than other disorders, which I did find to be somewhat interesting.Now we’ll move on to separation.Anxiety, separation.Anxiety is the first disorder in the chapter because it tends to be the one that presents earliest and it can be diagnosed as early as preschool separation.Anxiety is characterized by developmentally inappropriate, excessive, recurrent anxiety about separation from major attachment figures.To be diagnosed, the person has to have three or more symptoms.It can be diagnosed in childhood. It can be diagnosed in adulthood if it’s diagnosed in adulthood.You do not have to have a childhood onset of separation anxiety.It actually can have an adult onset, so that is something to remember: symptoms, three or more distress due to or in anticipation of separation from home or from major attachment figures, anxiety about losing a major attachment figure, or possible harm to them.Anxiety about something bad happening to the person, the patient, which would cause them to be separated from an anxiety from an attachment figure.So they have fears about something happening to the attachment figure, causing separation, and fears about them, something bad happening to themselves, causing separation, a reluctance, a refusal to go out or away from home because of fear of separation.Now, generally, this is leaving home and separating from that attachment figure, but in some cases, it can include even being reluctant to leave the house to be cut with the attachment figure because they’re afraid that when they’re out there, they may get separated.Now think how this might occur if there was a child who happened to be at a carnival and got separated from their caregiver that might prompt future fears of separation when in public places, fear of or reluctance to be alone, or without major attachment figures.Refusal to go to sleep without being near a major attachment figure, nightmares about separation, or physical complaints in reaction to or in anticipation of separation.So they have those physiological symptoms of anxiety now note here they keep talking about major attachment figures because remember this can be diagnosed in adulthood.We’re not talking about the primary attachment from infancy. We’re talking about the person’s current major attachment figure, whether that be their significant other, their parent, or whomever that happens to be the fear, anxiety, or avoidance, is persistent, lasting at least four weeks in children and adolescents, and typically six months or more In adults – and you’ll find that’s a common theme where a lot of these situations or conditions have to last six months or more and be causing clinically significant distress for six months or more to rank a diagnosis.Although the symptoms often develop in childhood, they can be expressed throughout adulthood.It can be diagnosed in adults in the absence of a history of childhood separation, anxiety, or disorder, and, as I said, it causes clinically significant distress or impairment in one or more areas of functioning.The diagnostic features section repeats the diagnostic criteria with some elaboration and examples.It’s a pretty straightforward diagnosis in terms of development and, and course the onset of separation.Anxiety can be any time from preschool through adulthood, but generally before the age of 30.So you can have diagnoses of separation anxiety up through the 20s, there may be periods of exacerbation and remission, although most child onset cases do not experience ongoing, clinically significant impairment.I thought that was kind of an interesting associated feature.Now these are not diagnostic criteria.These are features that are associated with separation anxiety but didn’t rank in the diagnostic criteria, sadness or apathy. Well, if somebody is perpetually anxious that hpa axis is going to down-regulate some which may contribute to apathy, if they are perpetually anxious, they may also start feeling hopeless and hopeless, which is associated with feelings of sadness and depression.They may have difficulty concentrating well.The mind is not focused on concentration.If it’s in a perpetual state of fight or flee, there may be social withdrawal just stepping away from everything, because they don’t have the energy to engage with others.Because the anxiety is so pervasive in older children you may see homesickness or pining when they are away at camp or or something like that.Now.A lot of children who don’t have separation, anxiety, or disorder, experience homesickness when they’re away at camp.For the first time, however, this is also associated with separation, anxiety, the child migs or the person may exhibit anger or aggression towards separators.So anybody who’s causing a separation between the patient and their major attachment figures may provoke anxiety, anger, and perceptual disturbances.Now these are not hallucinations. These are when a person is alone, for example at night, and they feel like somebody’s watching them, or they think they see something moving in the shadows.It’s not there and by turning on the light.So there are no more shadows.You know that goes away.It’s, not a persistent uh hallucination that the person is experiencing, but perceptual disturbances are more common in children than they are in adults, and we want to make sure we don’t mislabel that as something related to a psychotic disorder, children with separation, Anxiety tends to be described as demanding intrusive and in need of constant attention.According to the DSM now, I would argue when we get down a little further that this may be true of all people with separation, and anxiety, adults may appear dependent and are likely to contact their major attachment figures throughout the day and track their whereabouts.They are also often overprotective as parents and pet owners.Interestingly enough, the DSM did mention pets where the person with separation anxiety may be excessively concerned about knowing where their pet is at all times.The prevalence of separation.Anxiety in children is approximately four percent, and in adolescents and adults, it ranges from one to two percent. In the culture section, the DSM talked about the importance of differentiating separation, and anxiety disorder from the high value, some cultural communities place on strong interdependence among family members.Specific phobias is the next in the line of disorders we’re going to talk about and a specific phobia is pretty straightforward.There’s a marked, fear or anxiety about an object or a situation about 75 percent of people that have one phobia have more than one phobia, and I think, if you think about it, even if it doesn’t rise to the level of being a Diagnosable phobia you can think about.If you have one what we’ll call irrational fear, you probably have a couple of others when I started to think about it.I’m, like yeah, i have i have a couple in there.The stimulus almost always produces an immediate fear response and is actively avoided.The fear is disproportionate to the threat that persists for guess what six months or more and causes clinically significant distress – and I have this bold and italicized because it’s important to remember that.Having a fear – and I’ve talked in other videos about my fear of bridges, I also have a fear of enclosed spaces.I hate you know those little water, tubes and tunnels and things that make me feel closed in.Does it cause me clinically significant distress or cause me to have to alter my life to get around it? No, so it doesn’t rise to the level of a specific phobia. A lot of people have fears that may not have a um basis or the fear may be disproportionate to the threat.In reality, we recognize it, but it doesn’t cause us clinically significant distress, so it would not be diagnosable as a specific phobia and the specific phobia is not better explained by another mental disorder and I’m thinking here more obsessive, compulsive disorder.But in the differential diagnosis list on the anxiety disorders, there were a lot, so we’re just going to go through all of those.In the end, the diagnostic features again for specific phobias were pretty much a restatement of the diagnostic criteria-associated features.Interestingly enough, some people are arousal.Well, that makes sense when the HPA axis kicks off.A lot of people have a um increased heart rate, sort of a panic sort of feeling about them, not to the level of a panic attack necessarily, but they have that aroused state in preparation for fight or flee.Other people may have what they call a vasovagal response in which their heart rate decelerates their blood pressure drops, and they may faint my grandmother used to do this.Oh my gosh, and it wasn’t necessarily hers.Wasn’t phobia-related, but when she would get startled she would fall out and for the longest time the doctors, couldn’t figure out exactly what was going on. But ultimately my guess would be.It re had something to do with with anxiety or generalized anxiety.The prevalence of phobias is between eight and twelve percent, it peaks in adolescence at sixteen percent.So sixty percent of adolescents have specific phobias.The development, in course usually develops before age, 10 or after a trauma, and the presence of phobias is a risk factor for neurocognitive disorders in older adults.Why is this? We’ve again, we’ve talked in other videos about how hyperactivation of that stress response system keeps levels of glutamate and norepinephrine and stuff high in the brain which causes neurodegeneration, which can lead to neurocognitive disorders additionally, because of social withdrawal and avoidance and restructuring Of their daily lives, to avoid the phobic stimulus, there tends to be less stimulation for the person with specific phobias, which may also lead to a decline in what they call cognitive reserve and social anxiety disorder in social anxiety disorder.There’s a marked fear of social situations when in which one might be judged.So you’ve got generalized anxiety, which is anxiety about a lot of things over at least six months.We have a specific phobia, which is something specific.Like enclosed spaces or spiders, or snakes, um separation, anxiety, which is anxiety or fear of being separated from an attachment figure, and then social anxiety, which is fear from being in situations in which one might be judged by children. The symptoms have to be present not only in relationships with adults but in relationships with their peers.It’s natural for children to be somewhat anxious if they’re interacting with adults if they’re having the same anxiety when they’re interacting with their peers, then that’s really what we’re going to look for for a trigger The person has an excessive fear of being embarrassed, rejected or offensive, and the offensive seems to be increasing in popularity or not popularity in commonality, um very quickly, with Twitter and Facebook and tick tock, and all these other things and trying to be politically correct.A lot of people have developed a level of social anxiety, maybe not to the level of being a disorder, but, a level of social anxiety, because they fear not saying the right thing because they fear being canceled.Social situations almost always trigger anxiety and social anxiety disorder.Social situations are actively avoided or endured with intense fear, and the level of fear is disproportionate to the potential consequences.People may have a high level of fear and anxiety uh before going out and giving a performance in front of 10,000 people the level of anxiety for that would probably be different than giving a speech in front of six classmates.You know you see the difference here, but a person with social anxiety disorder.They would have that same level of fear in front of six people.They knew as opposed to ten thousand, that they didn’t persist again for six months or more causing clinically significant distress and is not due to another medical, mental, health, or substance-related condition.There is a note that social anxiety disorder can be performance only and you do want to specify that if it only has to do with giving speeches performing sports music, or anything like that, the diagnostic criteria features section, gave further examples of the symptoms that were identified in The diagnostic criteria associated features with social anxiety. The person may be passive or shy.They may want to kind of blend into the wall.They may be somewhat withdrawn because they don’t want to be out there in the limelight.They don’t want to be in this position where they fear being judged.On the other end of the spectrum, though, there’s a proportion of people with a social anxiety disorder who are highly controlling of situations, and they may try to control the conversation and control other people in the situation to avoid feeling out of control.Use of substances, substance, use, misuse or abuse is often associated with people with social anxiety disorder, and I have parenthetically heard liquid courage is what we used to call it back in the day I don’t know if it’s what they still call it but using substances to help temporarily allay anxiety.Interestingly, as alcohol leaves, the body people tend to have an enhanced anxiety response.So using alcohol before a social situation may end up causing more problems for some people, but that’s that’s up to them.Additionally, you may see a worsening of physical illness symptoms such as tachycardia or increased tremor in people with social anxiety disorder, so if they already have something that causes a tremor or a tick that may get worse, if they already have something that causes tachycardia, that may Get worse in situations in which they fear being judged.Now I have here increased pain, a question mark that’s not identified in the DSM 5t. However, we know that hyperactivation of the hpa axis contributes to ultimately development of systemic inflammation and the worsening of autoimmune disorders.So I would be interested to see what the actual numbers are for that and no, I could not find any research that compared the rates of increased pain with social anxiety, specifically prevalence.Seven percent of people in the United States experience social anxiety, disorder now brace yourself.This is not a typo.2 3 percent of people in Europe can be diagnosed with social anxiety disorder.So what is that? A third? What’s different in the United States? That is contributing to significantly higher rates of social anxiety fear of being judged and fear of offending people.Just saying additionally, social anxiety disorder does tend to be highest in non-Hispanic whites.So what is unique about nonhispanic? Whites in us I’ll leave you to talk about that and panic disorder, people with panic, disorder, experience, recurrent unexpected surges of intense fear or discomfort that peak within minutes and has a and accompanying four-plus symptoms.Now I have bolded and italicized unexpected here there are expected panic attacks when you’re in a situation in which you’ve had a panic attack before when there is a known trigger for the panic attack that’s an expected panic attack that doesn’t count towards our diagnosis here, which I don’t know seems a little strange, but okay, the panic attacks have to be unexpected.That is, they come from out of the clear blue and the panic attacks need to be characterized by four or more of the following symptoms palpitations, which is when it feels like your heart, is like fluttering, pounding, heart or tachycardia, which is racing heart, sweating, trembling or Shaking a feeling of shortness of breath or smothering you just can’t don’t feel like you can breathe, feeling like you’re, choking chest pain or discomfort, nausea or abdominal distress, feeling dizzy, unsteady lightheaded or faint chills or heat, sensations, numbness or tingling. Derealization, in which things just don’t feel real.You feel like you’re kind of a dream or depersonalization.You don’t feel, like you, ‘re part of your own body, anymore, with fear of losing control or going crazy and fear of dying.Now I’ll mention it, even though it’s pretty obvious.Many of these symptoms are also symptoms of a heart attack.It is important if you are a clinician not to assume that somebody who is experiencing a panic attack it’s, it’s, just a panic attack and to dismiss it.It’s important to take every panic attack seriously when somebody’s experiencing it and work with their medical provider to help them differentiate between what’s a panic attack.How do I know when I’m having another panic attack versus how do I know when I need to go to the ER and their doctor will work with them on that culture? Specific symptoms of panic may include tinnitus or ringing in the ear and neck.Soreness headache, uncontrollable, screaming, or crying.Interestingly, even though these are culture-specific symptoms, the DSM said those don’t count toward the required four plus symptoms. Additionally, at least one of the attacks – unexpected attacks has been followed by one month or more of both of the following persistent concern or worry about additional panic attacks or their consequences and a significant maladaptive change in behavior related to the attack avoidance of situations where You think they might happen again or ritualized, or superstitious behavior or extreme behavior, like changing your diet completely or doing something extreme to try to prevent the attack, so the unexpected attack happens and then for the next month or more.Both of those persistent concerns about it happening again and significant maladaptive changes in behavior are occurring, it has to cause clinically significant distress and it’s not due to another mental medical or substance use disorder.Interestingly, for panic attacks, there were no specifiers, but in the diagnostic features, it did note that panic attacks can be full meaning four or more symptoms or limited symptoms, so it doesn’t meet all of them.Doesn’t meet four symptoms or more, but the person’s having a panic response.If the person has never had a full-blown panic attack, uh, four or more symptoms, then you would not diagnose panic.Disorder frequency can be relatively regular like one per week or it can come in bursts where they, where they have multiple, really close together, then they go weeks months, or even years without having them, and then they have another burst of panic attacks, and there could also Be instances where they just have a panic attack, and then they may go for a couple of years or more before they have another one.It still qualifies as panic disorder.There is no code for remission of panic disorder and the expectation is unfortunately that if somebody has had a panic disorder at some point, they probably will have another panic attack at another point.Remember that expected panic attacks occur with known triggers, and there are many culture-related diagnostic issues due to expected triggers.So if you read through the culture-related diagnostic issues, a section of the DSM 5tr, you will find they talk about a lot of culture-bound triggers that can cause a panic attack in people’s associated features. People who have panic attacks.Panic disorder may also cause intermittent anxiety about health or mental health.They tend to be more somatically sensitive.That means they’re more aware of what’s going on in their body.Well, that makes sense if you’ve already had your body kind of go haywire on you once makes sense that you would be a little bit more hypersensitive to it happening again.They may have increased anxiety about their ability to tolerate daily stress there.A lot of times this may stem from the fear that if they experience too much stress it, ‘ll trigger another panic attack and they may have more extreme behaviors to control panic.The prevalence of panic disorder is about the same two and two percent to three percent in both the: u s in europe and Europe, the only disorder that had a marked difference between the; u s and other countries.Interestingly enough was social anxiety, disorder.The development of panic disorder, the median age – is 20 to 24 in us and 32 worldwide. So that is a little bit divergent.You know the prevalence, and the number of people that experience it worldwide are pretty comparable, but the median age for panic disorder is much younger in us than in other countries.Additionally, they speculate that older adults may attribute symptoms to medical conditions, so they may be underrepresented in the prevalence rates because when they’re having these panic symptoms, they’re, attributing them to medication, side effects, or other health conditions that they already have.So let’s talk about some of the risk and prognostic factors for anxiety disorders in general.Anxiety disorders often develop afterlife stress.This could be a death, a severe illness, a disaster, a big move becoming a parent adverse childhood experiences, or aces that’s just to name a few that those aren’t all of the causes, but I think it’s interesting that becoming A parent was in there as a life stress that often triggers the development of anxiety disorders.I mean I’m a parent myself.I can see how that could happen, but it’s not something that I had considered in the past as a risk factor for the development of anxiety disorders.People who’ve been bullied have an increased risk of developing anxiety disorders.The heritability of anxiety disorders ranges between 30 and 75 percent. I found that interesting, but they didn’t explain in any of the diagnoses whether they were looking at twins that were raised in the same household or twins that were raised in different households.If they’re raised in different households, it gives more credence to a genetic component.If they’re raised in the same household, then they experience the same psychosocial, and environmental stressors.Both of them are so.I don’t know what the actual data is on that person with negative affectivity.They tend to be more brooding, more depressed, more irritable people who are more self-conscious.People who ruminate more also all of these kinds are combined often referred to as neuroticism.They are at higher risk for the development of anxiety disorders.Attentional bias to threat was noted in generalized anxiety disorder as being an associated feature, but research shows that people with any anxiety disorder tend to have a stronger attentional bias to threat, which means they tend to be more hyper-vigilant.They tend to be more aware when there are, threats in the environment, and anxiety disorders by and large – tend to be much more frequent in women than in men. Interesting, not sure.Why again, my assumption is this is people who are biologically female and it seems to be consistent across cultures.Therefore, I am wondering what the genetic predisposition might be that may cause this.It seems like it’s, less about environment and shaping and behavioral training and more about a physiological response.But additionally – and these last two were not in the DSM.However, I did a PubMed search for risk factors for anxiety disorders and those who have a more external locus of control.That means they believe that things happen in the world by fate.By chance, there’s not a they.Don’t have a whole lot of control or ability to change what’s going on destiny is preordained, etc.People with that outlook who have a more external locus of control, tend to have much higher rates of anxiety and depressive disorders, and again not in the DSM, but in the PubMed. In the literature.People who have a lack of emotional support also tend to be at greater risk for developing anxiety disorders seems pretty self-explanatory in terms of suicidal thoughts.Anxiety itself increases the risk of suicidal thoughts.All of your anxiety disorders carry with them an increased risk of suicidal thoughts.People with separation anxiety have that generalized anxiety, related to increased risk, but people with specific phobias, interestingly enough, have an increased transition from ideation to attempt in a study that was cited in the DS well mentioned in the DSM, but they didn’t say what the study Was they looked at adults and they found that up to 30 percent of people who had their first suicide attempt? It was related.They also had a specific phobia or it was related to that specific phobia so that’s 30 percent is a big number uh.When we’re, especially when we’re talking about suicide attempts and suicidal ideation, if you have somebody with a specific phobia, we often downplay that because we think it’s just a fear of this or a fear of that.But that fear can feel very, limiting and oppressive to a lot of people, and again 30 percent of them.Uh, 30 percent of people who have attempted suicide also had specific phobia functional consequences.Now I could go on a diatribe about the functional consequences of anxiety disorders. The DSM didn’t have much to say about it, so let’s talk about some of these limited independent activities.This is especially true in agoraphobia and separation, anxiety, people who are afraid of leaving the house for fear of being separated from their significant other or for fear of being separated from their safe place, and people who have social anxiety, who fear being in social situations, may Have a lot of restrictions on their life activities and limited activities that they feel safe or comfortable doing by themselves, not in the DSM 5 tr, but in the literature, also the functional consequences of impaired relationships.People with anxiety disorders may be because of their restrictions on life activities and their um potential need to know where people are and their separation, anxiety, etc.A lot of times, people with anxiety disorders struggle in their relationships, because it can feel overwhelming to the partners.As I mentioned earlier, people with anger, and anxiety disorders, have higher rates of autoimmune issues.Continuous or excessive levels of stress hormones contribute to systemic inflammation, which will trigger depression or is associated with triggering depression and associated with worsening of autoimmune conditions and obesity.I thought this one was interesting, but it makes sense when you look at it.People with anxiety disorders, who often are restricted in their life activities, may feel worn down and exhausted.From being stressed out, all the time may not have a lot of energy to do.Other stuff tends to be more prone to develop obesity so that’s an interesting functional consequence now differential diagnosis, I told you there was a laundry list of them. Generalized anxiety, a disorder in gad.Excessive anxiety is about a variety of things for at least six months.Separation, anxiety, the worry or the anxiety is about separation from the attachment figure.Okay, that’s pretty clear, agoraphobia.The fear is about being trapped or helpless in situations in which escape is difficult.The fear surrounds being away from their safe place, not being away from a person they want to be in a place where they feel safe, and it needs to be not specific to one setting so being trapped or helpless in a situation.I give the example of an MRI that closed MRIs.Oh my gosh, I can’t stand them.I’m terrified of them, but that is specific to one setting and I’m not afraid to leave the house for fear of being trapped or helpless in a situation, social anxiety, anxiety is about being judged negatively, and illness anxiety and this illness anxiety.Falls under somatic disorders but illness anxiety. The worry is about the illness, not separation, judgment, or being away from your safe place, so that’s a differential diagnosis of your basic anxiety disorders in terms of other disorders because there’s that criteria not better explained by another mental health or medical disorder.In psychotic disorders, people who have hallucinations and delusions may also have anxiety, but their worry or fear surrounds hallucinations or delusions and is not reversed by context or the presence of an attachment figure.So a person with psychotic disorders, if their major attachment figure shows up does.  n’t help them feel more comfortable if they turn on the light to eliminate the shadows that don’t make them feel more comfortable, and the hallucinations are not due to psychotic disorders.The hallucinations are not due to something present in eating disorders avoidance behavior is only related to food and food-related cues.According to the DSM, however, one of the main criteria for your eating disorders is an excessive fear about weight, shape, and size, and it’s important to recognize that, because people with eating disorders may avoid mirrors and scales and food, obviously certain foods, and that could All be related to their eating disorder, body, dysmorphic disorder.The fears are only related to people being offended by a particular perceived flaw in obsessive-compulsive disorder.The fear is an object or situation as a result of obsessions.So if they start thinking about germs on their hands – and they keep thinking about it, then they start developing a fear of getting germs on their hands, so the fear becomes the object of their obsessions.Their obsessions turn to cause what they’re.Thinking about becoming a fear in the autism spectrum, the person lacks sufficient age, appropriate relationships, and social communication capacity in anxiety disorders. The person often has sufficient age-appropriate relationships and can communicate socially, and socially understand others, just fine.What we’re, looking at in anxiety, is fear of being judged conduct.Disorder.School avoidance is a very common symptom of conduct disorder, but school avoidance is not due to worry or fear in conduct, disorder, school avoidance, and conduct disorder are due to not wanting to be told what to do.Thank you very much in oppositional defiant disorder, the oppositional behaviors occur in response to multiple situations, not just separation or situational anxiety, not just in response to an anxiety-provoking threat.So if somebody has separation anxiety, they may become oppositional about leaving their major attachment figure.If somebody has a social phobia, they may become oppositional about engaging in situations that would prompt that anxiety, or if they have a specific phobia, maybe they’re afraid of snakes.They may become oppositional about doing something like going hiking because they are actively avoiding that phobic stimulus if they are actively avoiding a phobic stimulus or an anxiety-provoking stimulus.It’s, probably not oppositional defiant.Now you can have both you can have them. Co occurs, but you do want to differentiate.What is the cause of the behavior? Prolonged grief is characterized by intense longing and yearning for the deceased, not fear of separation from them.Now you can have prolonged grief and separation.Anxiety, co occur, but you can’t.Have somebody who develops a fear of separation from others after a particularly particularly traumatic loss? That can happen, but you do want to differentiate and diagnose appropriately and in depression and bipolar.A lot of people who are in a major depressive episode may have reluctance to leave home, but this is due to a lack of motivation and energy to engage and apathy.It’s not due to fear of something out there.They just don’t care or they don’t have an energy personality.A person with a dependent personality relies too much on others.It’s not that they fear uh their safety or loss of attachment figures and avoidant personality disorder, broader avoidance patterns, and a pervasive negative self-concept, differentiate, avoidant, personality disorder from anxiety, and related disorders, not in the DSM I’m. Bringing up for differential diagnosis.Anxiety is related to apprehension and vigilance of physiological sensations and may have an onset after a concussion pots is a postural orthostatic tachycardia and when people have it, when they stand up, their heart rate will jump 30 or more beats just from when they move from sitting To standing and that can feel very scary, they can also get light headed they can.Faint hypoglycemia can also produce symptoms of anxiety sweating and agitation in people, so we want to differentially diagnose.I believe I read a study that more than 25 of Americans are pre-diabetic and don’t know it.Co-morbidity and anxiety disorders are comorbid with each other.So if you have one, you probably have some of its buddies.It’s also comorbid with depression.Bipolar PTSD, prolonged grief, obsessive-compulsive disorder, obsessive-compulsive personality disorder, somatic symptom, related disorders, so any of your physical symptom disorders, anti-social personality, specifically social anxiety, common commonly may co, occur with anti-social, oppositional, defiant disorder and substance use disorders.Physically autoimmune diseases may increase the risk of psychiatric disorders partially due to thyroid dysfunction when that hpa axis goes offline.It also affects the functioning of the thyroid cardiovascular issues like supraventricular tachycardia can also be misdiagnosed and is often misdiagnosed for panic disorder. Hormone level fluctuations, especially extreme hormone fluctuations, can contribute to anxiety, related symptoms, high levels of estrogen or testosterone, nutrient deficiencies, or toxicities.So too, much or too little of certain vitamins and minerals can also cause anxiety-like symptoms.Environmentally poverty is a high risk factor for the development of anxiety disorders, for obvious reasons and socially adverse childhood experiences that include abuse, neglect, abandonment, or mental illness in the household.Are all risk factors for the development of anxiety disorders later in life? Anxiety disorders represent an anxiety response that is developmentally culturally and contextually excessive it’s persistent or recurrent, and causes clinically significant distress, so that differentiates it from people’s run-of-the-mill anxiety.If you will multiple anxiety disorders are common.This presentation covered some of the more common anxiety disorders but did not cover selective mutism substance-induced anxiety or other specified and unspecified anxiety disorders.Finally, it is important to rule out or diagnose comorbidly any physiological causes of anxiety.Symptoms include cardiovascular issues, pots, or diabetes.
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Neurobiological Impact of Psychological Trauma on the HPA Axis

 Unlimited CEUs for $59 are available at AllCEUs.com/Trauma-CEU this episode was pre-recorded as part of a live continuing education webinar. CEUs are still available at AllCEUs.com/Trauma-CEU welcome to today’s presentation on the neurobiological impact of psychological trauma   on the HPA axis we’re going to define and explain the HPA axis which we’ve talked about before is a response system so it’s not anything to get to you know overly concerned about   that it’s going to be super dry well identify the impact of trauma on this axis and on basically   your whole nervous system in your brain identify the impact of chronic stress and cumulative trauma   on the HPA axis because a lot of times when we talk about PTSD we think only about some   particular acute event and that’s not necessarily true there are a lot of people with PTSD who have   basically what I call cumulative trauma and they were exposed to extensive child neglect they were   in domestically violent relationships they were in a situation where they were exposed to trauma   over and above what a normal person would think lawfully think of law enforcement military personnel think first responders I mean they see stuff that no human should have to see   and they see it not only once but you know once a week or once a month depending on kind of where   you are so it’s important to understand well one thing may not be so traumatic to create   post-traumatic stress we’re going to look at some of the reasons that PTSD symptoms may develop as   a cumulative sort of thing which I found this to be interesting anyway we’ll identify   symptoms of dysfunction and we’ll talk about some interventions that are useful for this population   now my guess is none of you are prescribing physicians so when we’re going through this you’re   going to be going yeah that’s all well and good what’s the exact point of thinking about   exactly what this information is telling me on each slide show used to be the hat to help my   clients who have been annoyed by trauma and have not yet developed any sort of PTSD symptoms   or who have PTSD symptoms and how can I use this information to better tailor my treatment plan to   help them become more effective in managing their symptoms this is kind of a unique presentation   because it was based on only one article this was a meta-analysis so it’s a long article   and it’s a really good article that I would strongly suggest looking at it in your resources   section in the class it lays out the many changes and/or conditions that are seamed in the brain and   nervous system of people with PTSD so they really looked at a lot of research longitudinally to see   what we know and what we don’t know as clinicians awareness that these changes can help us educate   patients about their symptoms why do you feel this way and find ways of adapting to improve quality   of life so neurobiological abnormalities in PTSD overlap with features found in traumatic brain   injury so that started making a lot of researchers go hmm you know traumatic brain injury there is   something or again of course hurting part of the brain so why are the symptoms similar in   PTSD you’re going to find out pretty soon is that PTSD does cause damage   actual physical damage in the brain the response of an individual to trauma depends not only on   the stressor characteristics but also on factors specific to the individual so somebody can see a   trauma and not be as traumatized if you will as someone else and part of these factors and   there was a study done by Pi Newson Nader back I believe the early 80s looked at triage   factors for PTSD and some of the factors that they found why certain traumas may be more   traumatic than certain people versus others have to do with this particular trauma, you’re experiencing   it close to one of your safe zones where you live where you work somewhere where you’re not   where you’re supposed to be feel safe and if so then it’s probably going to be perceived as   more traumatic now again think about the survival capacity or the survival function of this behavior   when your brain says this is supposed to be a safe zone and it’s not so I need to respond in kind   you’re trying to protect yourself make sense the similarity to the victim if it could happen to her   if it could happen to him they’re like me it could happen to me that makes me feel scared because we   like to categorize the world in terms of using them bad things happen to those people not to us people   but if you’re looking at a victim who’s liked you and you say well I am and us people then you’re   going to have more difficulty separating it and feeling safe and going well that couldn’t happen   to me and the degree of helplessness you know if you saw something and you were just like there   was nothing I could do there’s a greater sense of helplessness and horror then if you didn’t have   that necessarily that same experience so those are a couple of things as far as the prestress or   perception that we want to consider when we’re talking to our patients even if you’re not a   therapist that works with the trauma specifically some people refer out for that some people are   working with an EMDR therapist and you know cool but as important to understand and if you happen   to go down this road with your clients help them understand why they perceived that particular   stressor so intensely versus some other stressor that they think may have good English there   oh well sorry they think should have stretched them out more so their perception of the stressor   prior traumatic experiences and we’re going to learn that prior traumas do cause changes   in the brain to prepare you basically Therese bond more quickly when there’s a threat   so prior traumatic experiences can send you from zero to 100 a lot faster which means it’s going   to be or could be more traumatic the amount of stress in the preceding months if you’re already   worn down and your body has already said I can’t fight anymore it’s not doing any good then when   it encounters PTSD and when it encounters a trauma the body might be going I just can’t   take another thing please just I can’t do it which is why we see in people with PTSD chronic stress   burnout and chronic fatigue this inability to tolerate stress because the body’s just already   waived them that white flag going I can’t do it current mental health or addiction issues again   that’s your body’s way of saying something in the neurotransmitter something in the system   is a little bit wonky and that means I’m not going to be able to respond a hundred percent   healthy and functionally to whatever’s going on and the availability of social support now   a lot of the research especially with emergency service personnel points to the availability of   social support within 24 hours of the trauma so when there’s an officer-involved shooting   when there’s something that they encounter on the duty that’s trauma the ability to have social   support within that first 24 hours preferably first two-hour period to at least touch base with a   social positive social support is vital to helping somebody process the memories instead of   just kind of them disappearing into never-never land and getting solidified in an unhelpful way for the vast majority of the population though psychological trauma is limited to an acute   transient disturbance you see something that’s traumatic you’re like oh my gosh Wow it is   devastating and yeah is going to affect you for a little while but in a week or two you’re kind   of feeling like you got your land legs again so there’s this subpopulation of the population   there’s a small group that ends up developing PTSD the signs and symptoms of PTSD reflect   a persistent adaptation of the neurobiological symptoms to witnessed trauma and I crossed out   abnormal in the article it says abnormal and I look at it as a perfectly normal adaptation   because the body is either going with the reserves I have right now I can’t deal or you know whatever   it’s doing it’s trying to protect itself now it may not be helpful but from a survival   perspective it generally makes sense so I try when I’m working with clients to help   them see the functional nature of their symptoms given the knowledge they had or the state they   were in at the time so now to the HPA axis the The hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal axis aka your   threat response system controls reactions to stress and regulates many body processes   including digestion the immune system mood and emotions sexuality energy storage and expenditure   so let’s think about this real quick when you’re under stress, your body feels threatened I needs to survive so it sends out excitatory neurotransmitters that get you wired up which   kind of makes your digestion speed up it can cause some cramping in the abdominal area   your immune system is not really important right now threat we’re not worried   about the flu mood and emotions you tend to be hyper-vigilant and more easily startled threat   means fight or flee which means anger or anxiety so you’ve got some stress emotions and I don’t   want to say dysfunctional because they’re very functional your body perceives a threat and it’s   saying you need to do something sexually well if there’s a threat this is no time to procreate so   your body says let’s turn off those sex hormones right now, because we need to use us for fighting   and fleeing not procreating which is all well and good but when we have reduced sex hormones   it also reduces our serotonin availability which serotonin is one of those calming chemicals   which help us calm down the excitatory neurons so without them, you stay revved up which brings   us to energy storage and expenditure you’re revved up you’re on high alert you’re staying   up here and your body says you know what if I’m going to survive this fight or flight I   need fuel which means you need to eat preferably high-fat high-sugar foods that give us instant   energy and sustained energy we want calorie defense stuff now thinking about it from that perspective   you can see how when you’re under chronic stress or a big stressor you know some of your symptoms   make sense why do you want to go eat chocolate or do whatever you do that’s my go-to pizza and   chocolate when I’m stressed is generally what I crave not what I need but what I crave so we want   to help people understand that there’s a reason it makes sense now we just have to figure out   how to deal with it differently the ultimate result of HPA axis activation is to increase   levels of cortisol in the blood during times of stress now cortisol is the hormone that goes out   and sets off kind of this whole well there are a couple before it but it sets off this whole   event cortisol is your stress hormone cortisol is the one who says no sex hormones right now   you know and it monkeys with all your different hormones to make sure and your energy storage to   make sure that you’re ready for this fight or flee its main role is to release glucose into   the bloodstream in order to facilitate the fight or flight now glucose is sugar is raising your   blood sugar so you’ve got energy now we’re going to talk regularly about glucocorticoids which are glucose hormones that make your body release glucose which is mainly cortisol and that   term is going to become important later I’m just kind of throwing it out there right now cortisol   also suppresses and modulates the immune system digestive system and reproductive system so again   cortisol is saying we’ve got this energy we’ve got this threat let me figure out how to sort of dole   out our resources right now for survival in the now it’s cortisol is very present focused   it’s not looking at you know the long-term and going well this will pass cortisol is very right   now HPA axis dysfunction the body reduces HPA axis activation when it appears further fight-or-flight   may not be beneficial and they call this hypo cortisol ism so basically a threat response system   is you know warning the alarm in my dorm when I was in college used to have these   really annoying blinking lights I because why I do this all the time sorry the hypercritical ism is   your body’s response to going if I keep fighting I am just throwing good energy after bad there is no   sense in surrendering so it turns down the system and it stops producing as much cortisol that way   it has cortisol your stress hormone for when there is a bigger more threatening threat well what does   that mean well we need cortisol is what helps us get up in the morning our cortisol goes   up and down throughout the day which helps us have the energy to get up go to work do those   sorts of things it’s a normal hormone when it’s in the right balance hypo cortical cortisol ISM   seen in stress-related disorders such as chronic fatigue syndrome burnout and PTSD is actually a   protective mechanism designed to conserve energy during threats that are beyond the organism with   us ability to cope so dysfunction in the axis causes abnormal immune system activation so   you have increased inflammation and allergic reactions cortisol is also related to   cortisone your body does not release its natural antihistamines when you are pardon me   under stress which is why your allergies seem to bother you more which when your allergies bother   you more you’re probably not sleeping as well at night and we know that not sleeping as well at night keeps your HPA axis activated so you’re fighting this battle you’re trying to squeeze   blood out of a turnip basically because your body said we’re not releasing any more cortisol I don’t   care what you say but everything else you’re not sleeping as well you’re still kind of revved up   you’re fatigued and your body is going but there’s a threat and back in your brain they’re going yep   but it’s not a big enough threat yet so you can see where this cascade you’re fighting inside your   own body and all your systems are kind of arguing irritable bowel syndrome such as constipation and   diarrhea because cortisol speeds things up and if you don’t have enough cortisol you know what might   happen reduce tolerance to physical and mental stresses including pain remember I said that sex   hormones go down which means that the availability of serotonin goes down we know that serotonin is not   only involved somehow in mood it’s involved with some level of anxiety reduction but we   also know it’s involved in pain perception so when serotonin goes down we perceive pain   more acutely and altered levels of sex hormones so fatigue and you’re like where did that   come from well the HPA axis is activated see how many times I can say that without tripping on my   tongue when it’s activated it sends out these you know excitatory neurotransmitters when   you’re excited for too long you get fatigued well interesting little caveat or thing here   fatigue is actually an emotion generated in the brain you know we’ve learned to label it which   prevents damage to the body when the brain perceives that further exertion could be harmful sounds   similar to hypo cortisol ISM it is so what do we know from athletes we know that fatigue and   sports is largely independent of the state of the muscles themselves so fatigued you know your   muscles usually only work up to about 60% of their ability to work and then fatigue starts to   set in so there was still a big margin that you could work before your muscles finally gave out   and said hold no more I’ve got jelly legs but your muscles quit you start feeling tired you   start feeling exhausted so this is a protective mechanism the body’s gone we need to conserve a   little bit of energy because you have to get home and shower and you know prepare to run in case   the tiger chases you but what factors is your body paying attention to but tells it OK whoa we need   to stop so we’ve got enough reserve in the event of a problem core temperature, you’re working out   your core temperature goes up at a certain point it goes that’s high enough your glycogen your   blood sugar levels your oxygen levels in the brain how thirsty you are whether you’re sleep-deprived, to begin with, it’s going to mean that you fatigue a lot easier and the level of muscle soreness and   fatigue going into that exercise session the brain kind of takes all these factors into   effect and goes okay I can unless you work out this much and then I’m going to shut you down I’m   wrong it’s off what they have found though is we can override this so when clients come into   our office, they’re fatigued they are they’re off they’re just like I’m exhausted I’m agitated I’m   irritable I’m not sleeping well I just uh okay so with athletes, we know that psychological factors   can be used to reduce fatigue such as their emotional state if they go in in a positive   emotional state or a hyped up energized emotional state if they’re listening to really energizing   music it can help them push past that fatigue point a little bit if they know the endpoint   maybe they know they’re doing three sets of ten reps they’re going to push through faster or more   effectively than if they’re working with the coach and they have no idea how many sets they’ve got or   how many reps they’ve got to do they’re just like are you going to make a stop to other competitors that   service motivation they’re looking around they’re seeing other people doing it they’re going okay   I got this and in the case of athletes visual feedback you know they’re seeing growth in their   muscles they’re seeing positive changes so they can push through that fatigue a little bit more   they’re like okay this is worth it so fatigue is one sign that the body is getting ready to down-regulate that HPA axis and go conservation in practice and counseling practice how can we   help reduce mental fatigue and help clients restore their age PA access functioning and   one of the things I would challenge you to think about is how can we increase their self-efficacy and their high ductless if you will in their the emotional state that a can-do attitude increases their hardiness and resilience you know we talk about those, a lot man make sure they know their   endpoint where are they going what does their what do their symptoms look like what is it   going to look like in three weeks in three months and what can we reasonably think will change you   know let’s give them some tangible goals that they can look at other competitors or motivational group therapy can be very helpful in dealing with some of this stuff obviously, you’re not going   to do a lot of trauma work in the group most of the time but having other people around knowing that   there are other people who are dealing with PTSD and having support groups can be really   helpful because they can cheer each other on and go come on John you got this you just need to push   I know this is a really tough week for you and that can help people push through that fatigue and feedback now in the case of psychological issues we’re not talking about visual feedback but   we’re talking about looking at that treatment plan or looking at their symptoms and being able   to say you know what I have made progress I’m not having nightmares as much as I actually slept through   the night last night who knew and finding those things that they can latch on to and go things   are getting better you know they’re not going to get exponentially better overnight likely but they are   getting better and I can see this incremental progress and in doing that we can help people   get a sense increase that those dopamine levels increase that learning and go okay I can do this   we want to make sure that we are considering their fatigue level though and not putting too   much on them at once let’s look at really small steps and then solidifying those steps not   taking one step after another but taking one step and then taking a breather for some of our clients   helping them identify how they’re feeling and be aware of their own fatigue level low cortisol   has been found to relate to more severe PTSD hyperarousal symptoms and you’re like yeah it   took me quite a while to wrap my head around this whole concept but it makes sense now so when you   have low cortisol your body is conserving all its energy can in case it needs to respond   to an extreme threat the sensitized negative feedback loop in veterans diagnosed with PTSD   have they’ve shown that they’ve got greater ludic corticoid responsiveness now remember I talked   about cortisol being a glue to co-corticoids and there’s just no nice way to talk about   this without using really obnoxiously clinical terms anyhow which means that the body is holding   on and it’s going you’re not going to have cortisol to just get irritable or happy or excited about   just anything but if there’s a threat I’ll let you have it unfortunately in patients with cortisol   ISM when there’s a threat they have an exaggerated response thank hyper-vigilance and I call it the   flatter the Furious so their mood is either kind of flat and they’re not really responsive too much   but when there is something that startles them or their body perceives as a threat all of a sudden   their body dumps cortisol and dumps glucose into the system which floods the system and if you’ve   ever flooded your engine you know what happens doesn’t respond quite as well but there are even   more problems with this so evidence says that the role of trauma experienced in sensitizing the HPA   axis regulation is independent of PTSD development okay so what does that mean that means even if   somebody doesn’t develop PTSD clinical diagnosis if they’ve had trauma HPA access is going to   sensitize them a little bit and hold them back a little bit more cortisol and be a little bit more reactive   when there is trauma which means successive traumas could produce success successively   significant reactions in those with prior trauma maybe more at risk of PTSD for later traumas   so again as a clinician what does this mean for me this means that if I’m working with a client   who comes from a troubled childhood there were adverse childhood events or you know whatever   you want to label it they had chronic stress they had trauma in their childhood even in the prenatal   period they found I wanted to educate them about the the fact that they are at a greater risk of developing   PTSD if they’re exposed to more trauma so they can learn how to keep their stress levels under control because it’s more important for them according to this research because of some   persistent brain changes that we’re going to see core endocrine factors of PTSD include abnormal   regulation of cortisol and thyroid hormones okay so we’ve already talked about cortisol our stress   hormone and you’re probably familiar with thyroid hormones being sort of your metabolism hormone but   what happens when cortisol goes down in the body starting to rein in the energy thyroid hormones   also go down hypo cortisol ism and PTSD occurs due to increased negative feedback sensitivity   of the HPA axis okay studies suggest that low cortisol levels at the time of exposure to trauma   may predict the development of PTSD so if their cortisol levels were already low they were already   suffering if you will from hypercortisolism and remember we’ve seen hypercortisolism in burnout   and you know regular old burnout chronic fatigue syndrome as well as PTSD so we’re not just talking   about veterans here if the cortisol levels are already abnormally low and the body’s already   started conserving cortisol when they’re exposed to a trauma we can with more certainty   predict which people are going to develop PTSD symptoms back to those gluteal corticoids they   interfere with the retrieval of traumatic memories an effect that may independently prevent or reduce   symptoms of PTSD so when cortisol is in the system and it’s causing all the blood   sugar to develop we’re not forming lots of memories right now we’re just surviving which they   hypothesize could prevent or reduce the symptoms if those memories aren’t consolidated and they   go away, or it could contribute to difficulty in treating PTSD why well let’s think about   it if people who’ve been exposed to trauma you know hypercortisolism they respond to threats by   increasing the amount of cortisol and political corticoids exponentially have an exaggerated   response than when they’re in our off and we’re talking to them about their trauma, and they   start to get upset they start to get excited there the body’s going to start dumping all these gluten coke   or turquoise and guess what it’s going to make it more difficult for them to retrieve those memories   potentially so it’s kind of an interesting thing to look at because a lot of clients that I   worked with PTSD have been like I can’t remember why can I not remember and my very   general response because they don’t want to know about all this stuff generally is it’s your brain’s way of protecting you it’s your brain’s way of saying there’s a threat right now and you need   to protect yourself from the threat we don’t need to be worrying about all those memories back there   so we do some you know relaxation activities and those sorts of things to help them you know get   back down to baseline so we’re not continuing to fight against those gluten Co corticoids and thus   cortisol because when you fight with that what happens the client generally gets progressively   frustrated progressively upset and progressively unable to think clearly and access those memories   neurochemical factors corner or chemical factors of PTSD include abnormal regulation   of catecholamines serotonin amino acid peptide and opioid neurotransmitters each of which is found in   brain circuits that regulate and integrate the stress and fear response now again if you’re   thinking I’m never going to remember this for the quiz don’t get too stressed out about it because   I want you to take home the overarching concepts I’m not going to ask you really nitpicky questions   about stuff that you have absolutely no control over or at least that’s what I tried to do that   being said I want I think it’s important that you know that all of these neurochemicals including opioids are involved in the regulation and integration of stress and fear responses it’s not   just serotonin or two dopamine the catecholamine family including dopamine and norepinephrine are   derived from the amino acid tyrosine now it’s not really all that important but an interesting   little aside is that norepinephrine is made from the breakdown of dopamine so your focus and get   up and go chemical is made from your pleasure chemical interesting little concept there when   a stressor is perceived the HPA axis releases corticotropin-releasing hormone which interacts   with norepinephrine to increase fear conditioning and encoding of emotional memories enhance arousal   and vigilant vigilance and increase endocrine and autonomic responses to stress so when the   threat response system is turned on it releases cortisol which interacts with norepinephrine the stress hormone and they get up and go hormone say there’s some really bad mojo brewing here   which increases fear conditioning because the heart rates go in and everything and the response   is stress there’s an abundance of evidence that norepinephrine accounts for certain classic   aspects of PTSD including hyperarousal heightened startle and increased encoding of fear memories so   what about serotonin you know that’s supposed to be one of our calming chemicals it where   did it go poor serotonin transmission and PTSD maybe may cause impulsivity hostility aggression   depression and suicidality remember you’ve got the downregulation of the sex hormones so less   availability of serotonin and there are other things that cause the serotonin to not be as   available but they found that serotonin binding to 5h t1a receptors and this is just a little   soapbox I’m going to go on don’t differ between patients with PTSD and controls so what does that tell us that’s the only way we can really To figure out what’s going on in the brain in a live   subject look at PET scans what we have figured out or they’ve hypothesized is the fact that the   serotonin may not transmit as effectively as it may be a really weak connection it’s connecting but   it’s you know it’s kind of like having a rabbit ears you got to twist it to get the signal to   come in correctly all right this is another one just a concept I want you to think about all   they’re looking at in the research is the 5-hit 1a receptor there are a ton of 5-ht serotonin   5-ht receptors and each one of these receptors is involved in some aspect of addiction anxiety mood   sexual behavior mood sleep so when we’re talking about why SSRIs don’t work well SSRIs only bind   to certain receptors and if we’re not picking the right receptor if it is the serotonin at   all then we’re probably barking up the wrong tree I educate my patients about this if they decide   they need to go on antidepressants just so they don’t get frustrated as easily I mean it’s still   frustrating but so they don’t feel hopeless if the first medication they start taking doesn’t   seem to work or makes it worse we talked about why that might be because there are so many different   receptors for each one of the neurotransmitters there is a really cool table if you’re into this   stuff it’s actually on Wikipedia and it talks also about not only what these receptors do   but also what chemicals and medicines act on these receptors and how Food for Thought   GABA has profound anxiolytic effects in part by inhibiting the cortisol norepinephrine   circuits so it turns down the excitatory circuits patients with PTSD exhibit decreased peripheral   benzodiazepine binding sites well we know that when the body secretes a neurotransmitter goes   to the other end and it binds like a lock-and-key if you will or it knocks on the door and the door   gets opened and it goes through however you want to think about it basically what they found is   in patients with PTSD the Kem GABA goes through and the GABA levels are okay but then it knocks   on the door to get let in or it tries to put its key in the lock and there’s something wrong at   the binding sites or the binding sites you know somebody’s super glued them shut and they’re just   not there which is why patients with PTSD tend to have a harder time de-escalating when their   anxiety and stuff gets up because the GABA is there but it’s got no doors to go through no   locks to bind with however you want to whatever metaphor you want to use this may indicate the   usefulness of emotion regulation and distress tolerance skills due to the potential emotional   dysregulation of these clients so remember we talked about them having a more exaggerated   get-up-and-go response to a perceived threat and they also have a harder time calming down which is   basically one of your primary tenants of emotional dysregulation so one thing clinicians can   do is help patients learn that okay their body responds differently to stress than other people   at least for right now so it’s important for them to understand what emotional dysregulation   is emotional regulation strategies as well as distress tolerance skills to help them until they   can calm down to baseline because it sometimes takes them longer than other people as clinicians   we also can help reduce excitotoxin in order to reduce stress improve stress tolerance and enable   the acquisition of new skills when the brain gets really going when the cortisol is out there and   the glucocorticoids are in there it’s actually toxic and starts causing neurons to disappear which we’re going to talk about in a second it’s kind of scary NMDA receptors have been implicated in synaptic plasticity.Which means the brain’s ability to adjust and adapt as well as learning   and memory so these are good receptors I like them glutamate binds with these receptors and high   levels of glutamate are secreted during high levels of stress glutamate remember is what   GABA is made from but high levels of glutamate it’s an excitatory neural net in the brain and   overexposure of neurons to this glutamate can be excited toxic and may contribute to the loss of   neurons in the hippocampus of patients with PTSD so we’re actually seeing brain volume decrease as   a result of exposure to certain chemicals elevated gluten core glucocorticoid and yeah glucocorticoids   increases the sensitivity of these receptors so you’ve got a bunch of glutamate being dumped and   you’ve got a bunch of glucocorticoid you’ve got cortisol in there making these receptors more   sensitive so it’s got they’re more sensitive and they’ve got more coming in which makes it a whole   lot easier to become toxic and start causing neuronal degradation what does that mean why do   we care it may take clients with PTSD more time to master new skills because of emotional reactivity   but also because some of their synaptic plasticity may be damaged so it may take them a little bit   longer to actually acquire and integrate these new skills it’s not saying they’re stupid they   can remember it just fine however when they’re an emotionally charged state and helping their   brain learn that okay this isn’t a threat that’s one of those sort of subconscious things that has to   happen that can take longer if the brain becomes excited toxic during stress inhibited learning   and memory then it becomes excited toxic during stress which inhibits learning and memory so it’s   under stress things are excited toxic neurons are starting to disappear so I’m wondering and   I’m just hypothesizing here I don’t know the answers obviously or I wouldn’t be practicing   it but what happens during the exposure therapies because that’s exactly what we’re doing is we are   flooding the brain with all of these chemicals and creating basically an excitotoxin now they   found some evidence that exposure therapies can be helpful according to the DOJ website but or   not the DOJ I can’t even think of it right now the VA website but you know I’m wondering   long-term what the impact is endogenous opioids natural painkillers act upon the same receptors   activated by exogenous opioids like morphine and heroin exerts an inhibitory influence on the   HPA axis well we know that people take opiates and it has depressant effects on them it slows   them down and calms them down alterations in our natural opioids may be involved in certain PTSD   symptoms such as numbing stress-induced analgesia and dissociation again think of any clients you’ve   had who have been abused or even taken and not like the side effects of opiates are what opiates do to   some people make them feel more relaxed stress induced and analgesia they don’t have as much   physical pain sometimes they just it’s there I don’t care pill another interesting factor   is now truck zone which is used to oppose opiate appears to be effective in treating symptoms of   dissociation flashbacks in traumatized persons so basically, they’re saying if we undo the endogenous   opioids we can treat these symptoms it highlights the risk of opiate abuse for persons with PTSD   though because if endogenous opioids produce some of these numbing symptoms and dissociative   symptoms so they can get away from the pain and the flashbacks then if they add to that you know   oral opioids it could prove to be a very tempting cocktail we do want to as clinicians figure out   how we can assist them with their physical and emotional distress tolerance so they don’t feel   the need to numb and escape and you know I can’t imagine what some people have seen have   gone through and I’m not trying to take that away from them, I’m trying to help them figure out how   they can stay present and learn to integrate it changes question marks in brain structure and one   of the questions that’s come up in the research is because there aren’t any longitudinal studies that   looked at it was the hippocampal volume as low to begin with which created a predisposition for PTSD   or did PTSD create the smaller hippocampal volume interesting hippocampus is implicated in the   control of stress responses memory and contextual aspects of fear conditioning so it helps you to find these triggers in the environment that help you become aware with your senses about when   there might be a trauma prolonged exposure to stress and high levels of glucocorticoids damage the hippocampus we’ve talked about that hippocampal volume reduction in PTSD may reflect   the accumulated toxic effects of repeated exposure to increased cortisol levels what I called earlier   the flatter the Furious having you know your body holding on to cortisol for this extreme stress   and then when it perceives stress it’s either nothing or it’s extreme there are no kind sort   of mild stressors out there that decrease hippocampal volumes might also be a pre-existing vulnerability   factor for developing PTSD the amygdala yet another brain structure is the Olympic structure   involved in the emotional process and it’s critical for the acquisition of fear responses   functional imaging of studies has revealed hyper responsiveness and PTSD during the presentation of   stressful script cues or trauma reminders but also patients show increased amygdala responses   to general emotional stimuli that are not trauma associated such as emotional faces so they show an   increased responsivity to things they see on the TV that aren’t trauma-related to people crying   to people showing anger’s going to have a stronger emotional amygdala response than people   without PTSD so clients with PTSD may be more emotionally responsive across the board leading   to more emotional dysregulation again an area that we can help provide them with tools for early adverse   experiences including prenatal stress and stress throughout childhood has profound and long-lasting   effects on the development of neurobiological symptoms the brain is developing and if is exposed   to a lot of stress and some of these excited toxic situations how does that differ in the amount of   damage caused versus a brain that’s already kind of pretty much-formed programming may change for   subsequent stress reactivity and vulnerability to develop PTSD so if these happen during   childhood or at any time the brain can basically reprogram and go that it’s a really   dangerous place out there so I need to hold on to cortisol and I need to hold on to these   stress hormones because every time I turn around it seems like there’s a threat so I am going to be hyper-vigilant and respond in an exaggerated way to protect you from the outside world adult women   with childhood trauma histories have been shown to exhibit sensitization of both neuroendocrine and Audino stress responses so basically they’re showing hypo cortisol ISM a variety of changes   take place in the brains and nervous systems of people with PTSD and we talked about a lot of   those the key take-home point is stress can actually get toxic in the brain and cause physical   changes not just thought changes in the brain preexisting issues causing hypo cortisol ism where   the brain has already downregulated whether it’s due to chronic illness or chronic psychological   stress increases the likelihood of the development of PTSD this points to the importance of   prevention and early intervention of adverse childhood experiences we really need to get   in there and help these people develop distress tolerance skills understanding of vulnerabilities   so they’re not going from flat to furious all the time and so that they can understand why   their body kind of responds and why they respond differently than others and you know as we talk   about this and of course I’m regularly bringing up DBT buzzwords if you will think about your clients   if you’ve worked with any who’ve had borderline personality disorder what kind of history do they   have did they have just a great childhood no we know that people with BPD generally had pretty   chaotic childhoods so this research is also kind of underscoring why they may react and act   the way they do that flat to furious people with hypo cortical ism may or may not have PTSD so we   don’t want to say well you’re fine if you don’t have PTSD symptoms we do know that every trauma   potentially can cause the body to down-regulate and I kind of look at it as conserving a little   bit more of the energy that it needs each time so instead of conserving 60% now it’s conserving 65   and 66 each time it encounters a stressor in order to prepare for potential ongoing threats in the   environment hypercortisolism sets the stage for the flattened the furious leading to toxic levels   of glutamate upon exposure to stressors which can cause the theorized reduction in hippocampal   volume and persistent negative brain changes now I always say the brain can you know rebalance itself   and all well that’s part of the plasticity that is the really cool thing about our brain however as   far as regenerating those neurons I haven’t found any evidence in the research that we found a way   to help people regenerate once we’ve already those neurons are gone they’ve been killed off the brain   has to find a workaround so it does take time but I do believe people can minimize some of the   impact of the trauma they may have experienced people with PTSD are more reactive to emotional   stimuli even stimuli unrelated to trauma again think about some of your clients especially   if you work in a residential situation where you’re around on 24/7, you know for 30 or 60 days, and   you may see some clients that seem to get upset over everything and you’re like ah such a drama   queen or such a drama king and to yourself not to anybody else but when you think about it from   this perspective it gives you a different perspective and you might say oh maybe their body   responds differently they’ve got more emotional dysregulation because of prior trauma they’re not   trying to overreact this is their body’s response because it’s perceived threat so many times it gives me a different approach to working with that client hypercortisolism results when the   brain perceives that continued effort is futile feelings of fatigue set in akin to reduced stress   tolerance so think about you know when you’ve had a really long stressful period you know weeks or   months maybe you’re dealing with an ailing family member or something it’s just a lot of stress and   you start getting really tired and when you’re really tired and you’re worn down and somebody   gives you one more thing it’s that one more thing normally wouldn’t bother you but right now you   just can’t take it so we can see how there’s a reduced stress tolerance when somebody’s already   at this stage reducing fatigue in our clients can be accomplished in part with psychological factors   including motivation or knowledge of other people who are dealing with similar things support groups   feedback about their and making sure they have frequent successes not once a week but I want to   have them keep a journal every day of something good that happened or something positive that   may indicate they’re moving forward in their treatment goals and knowledge of an endpoint.OIP-6Where are we going with this when is the treatment going to end I don’t want most clients don’t   want to be with us forever no matter how lovable we are do you want to feel better and be done   with us so having to help them see that there is an endpoint we’re going to accomplish this   goal this month and then we can reassess 46% of people in the US are exposed to adverse childhood   experiences so like I said this is a huge area for early intervention where we can prevent people   from developing PTSD later in life how awesome would that be instruction and skills to handle   emotional dysregulation including mindfulness vulnerability prevention and awareness emotion   regulation distress tolerance and problem-solving could be wonderful additions to health curriculums   anything any skills groups you do with children or adolescents or even adults I mean just because   they’re adults doesn’t mean that they’re safe from PTSD or that they’ve crossed any threshold   where they’re too old to learn we’re never too old to learn of those exposed to trauma education   about and normalization of their heightened emotional reactivity and susceptibility to PTSD   in the future may be helpful in increasing their motivation for their current treatment protocol   whatever it is but it also just normalizes things so they don’t feel like they’re overreacting or   they don’t feel guilty for being so tired or whatever they’re experiencing right now are there any questions I know I went through a lot of really complicated stuff but I thought   it was really interesting not only the way our brain reacts in order to protect us   but how cross-cutting a lot of this stuff was it not just PTSD we’re talking about   necessarily but a lot of this information applies to our clients with chronic fatigue burnout and chronic stress and we can see that those people also are at risk at   higher risk of PTSD should they be exposed to trauma and none of us is immune I mean   there are tornadoes there are hurricanes there are you know things that happen that   really stink so the more we can help clients be aware of things develop skills and tools to prevent as much harm as possible I think the more effective we are as clinicians depending on the client and I can do some more research on the VA website because   they’re really into medications for PTSD I know ketamine which is a horse tranquilizer   has been shown to be effective in people with PTSD and there have been some others   that have kind of given me pause ketamine is a hypnotic you know most of the drugs   they’re trying out right now are really in my opinion they’re powerful drugs but a   lot of them all of them that I know of have pretty high addictive potentials too so they   make me nervous but you know when you’re weighing the when you’re going from a harm   reduction model that’s not necessarily not necessarily such the be-all-end-all I guess that’s interesting that you use ketamine in the ER it’s definitely powerful effective stuff and like I said earlier some of the stuff that some of my clients and some people   have seen done experienced I couldn’t even imagine and you know sometimes for them to   actually survive we may need to look at some of these more intense more powerful drugs PTSD and veteran trauma is not are not my focus right now and yes marijuana is being experimented   with or looked at used whatever however you want to look at it for PTSD treatment with veterans   there’s pretty much not a drug out there they haven’t tried to throw at it to see well what   will this do I believe they were even using LSD experimentally for a little while too you the VA I mean if you’re interested in this topic let me see if I could pull that   down into here, we go to the National Center for PTSD US Department of Veterans Affairs   has a lot of information if you go for professionals, it has a ton more information   if you can get on get some of your SI CEUs on demand they do have some free CEUs for PTSD   here I’ve never taken any of them but what I’ve looked at when I’ve looked at like the   PowerPoints the presentations and stuff I’m sure they’re good so if you’re you do focus   a lot on PTSD and you can get on-demand CEUs then this might be a place to get some good free   ones aside from DBT are there any other evidence-based practices for therapy that   you’ve seen work best in combination with the medications cognitive processing therapy when   you’re working specifically with veterans and there is a free course on that too and this one I have gone through and it’s really awesome CPT dot must seed and here I’ll just put it into that education and this is a free course oops   and here’s the other one ah golly everyone and embryo does have a lot of research effectiveness   with people with PTSD too so yes I would definitely encourage people to explore   all options alrighty everybody I really appreciate you coming today and sticking   with me through this topic and I will see you on Thursday if you have any questions   please feel free to email me or you can always also send it to support that all   CEUs com either way I get it and otherwise I will see you on Tuesday thanks a bunch if you enjoy this podcast please like and subscribe either in your podcast player or   on YouTube you can attend and participate in our live webinars with Doctor Snipes by   subscribing at all CEUs comm slash counselor toolbox this episode has   been brought to you in part by all CEUs com providing 24/7 multimedia continuing   education and pre-certification training to counselors therapists and nurses since 2006 used coupon code consular toolbox to get a 20% discount on your order this monthAs found on YouTube15 Modules Of Intimate Video Training With Dr. Joe Vitale – You’re getting simple and proven steps to unlock the Awakened Millionaire Mindset: giving you a path to MORE money, …download-2k

Abandonment Anxiety – Video doctor Snipes

 This episode was pre-recorded as part of a live continuing   education webinar on-demand CEUs are still available for this presentation   through all CEUs registered at all CEUs comm slash counselor toolbox I’d like to welcome everybody today to the presentation love me doesn’t leave me addressing   fears of abandonment the purpose of this presentation is really to help us help clients   increase their awareness of their story including beliefs about behavioral reactions to situations   that trigger their fear of abandonment so how do we do that well the first thing we need to   figure out is what fear of abandonment is and how can we identify it in a clinical set setting then   we’re going to explore the concept of schemas or core beliefs and these are things that are formed   in early childhood you know if you remember prior classes we’ve talked about early childhood   cognition is generally very dichotomous in children Young children can’t look at   that gray area so these schemas if they’ve gone unchecked can lead to some very extreme belief   patterns which lead us into common traps in thinking reacting and relationships if your   schemas are based on all-or-nothing you either love me or you’re going to leave me hence the   name of the book then your reactions are going to tend to be more extreme and more all-or-nothing   which increases anxiety because then anytime a person who perceives any amount of disapproval is going to go to that extreme so we want to talk about bringing it more toward the   middle line and helping people learn to appreciate and love themselves for themselves while they may   not approve of the behaviors of other people they can still love other people so just because somebody   doesn’t approve of your behavior doesn’t mean necessarily that they’re going to abandon you so   we’re going to talk about that and then we’ll learn skills necessary to help people accept   their past as part of their story maybe they do have a lot of abandonment issues and you know   some people do and it is painful it cuts to the core especially when those abandonment   issues occur in early childhood when kids going what that does so we’re going to talk about that   and help people learn how to integrate it into their present and we’ll learn the skills necessary   to acknowledge that their past does not have to continue to negatively impact them in the present   so if they were abandoned when they were a child you know we need to deal with that however if they   continue to expect that every significant person in their life will abandon them notice I use the   word every because we’re still in those extremes then they’re going to think that the past is negatively   impacting them in the present so we’ll talk about how to sort of moderate those belief systems how   does this impact recovery whether you’re talking about addiction or mental health issues connection   is a basic human need we are not meant for the most part to be Hermits in the middle of the   woods there are introverts and in my husband’s an introvert he has a couple of excellent friends   he needs quiet time each day he doesn’t need to be surrounded by people and he’s fine but I mean   we’ve got human connection he’s not going to be one that’s just going to you know move out to the   middle of nowhere I’m an extrovert on the other hand and I tend to have a lot of acquaintances   and a lot of friends I draw energy from being around other people so just because   someone doesn’t have 150 acquaintances doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t need connections so   we want to recognize that connection is a basic human need when infants are born they are put   on their mother’s chest when we embrace each other whether it’s mother and child or friends   or whatever a chemical called oxytocin is released and it’s our bonding chemical we are programmed we   are hardwired for connection and oxytocin is a very rewarding chemical so we want to recognize   this that if people are so afraid of abandonment that they push everybody away what are they losing   as far as quality of life as infants and children survival is dependent upon the relationship with   the primary caregiver so if mom or dad wasn’t happy if mom or dad was rejecting the young   child was pretty much helpless to think about a child who’s growing up in a family that’s just riddled   with addiction and mental health issues and the primary caregiver or caregivers are completely   emotionally unavailable they may be physically there but they may be so high or so depressed or   so psychotic that they cannot attend to the child’s needs what does that communicate to   the child the child feels abandoned the child feels a sense of neglect for people’s beliefs about   other people and relationships were formed largely based on their interactions with their caregivers   so if this child was going Mom I’m hungry and nothing happened or worse yet child was going Mom I’m terrified and nothing happened or they were just given a pacifier and told to shut up   then that is they were told they were communicated to that, their beliefs their feelings their wants, and their needs were not important so they were being rejected healthy relationships serve up as   a buffer against stress so even if they had all these negative experiences in early childhood teenage years you know maybe up until they walked into your office it doesn’t mean it   has to continue and how much can they gain from having healthy relationships with a lot of clients   that I work with who have pretty significant abandonment issues can’t even fathom trusting   someone enough to be in a healthy relationship so we’re going to talk about how to sort of ease into   that because you’re not going to say don’t let your past influence your future and we’ll wave   a magic wand and they’re ready to trust people even once you point out that what happened in   the past was largely not their fault or maybe not even if their fault at they they’re still going   to have difficulty not accepting responsibility and going everybody leaves me so what talk about   that addressing beliefs that formed as a result of these relationships the past dysfunctional   relationships we can help people create a new understanding of events was mom or dad or   caregiver being rejecting were you being abandoned emotionally and physically because of   you or because mom or dad just was able to do what they needed to do to be a caregiver then they were doing the best they could with the tools they had but it wasn’t enough to meet   your needs so we want to talk about alternate explanations for why parents and caregivers may have   behaved in that way if you have a young child well an adult now but who was put up for adoption or   abandoned by their caregivers at a young age the a young child was probably very confused because   one moment their caregiver was there in the next moment they were in the system so they were   trying to figure out what did they do wrong and why doesn’t that person love me anymore it must be   me because children really can’t see well you know mom is not able to function as a parent   right now or dad is having difficulty coping we want to help people better understand themselves   in their reactions so that when they start getting this urge to just cut all ties and be like you   know what fine you know I’ll take my ball and go home no problem what does that mean at there’s a   certain point in all relationships in all healthy relationships that you know sometimes people have   to distance themselves from one another because it’s becoming dysfunctional but for the most part, people will in relationships encounter hiccups will encounter disagreements but in   healthy relationships, they can work through them in relationships with people who fear   abandonment there are going to be two extremes there’s going to be complete compliance and   please don’t leave me or complete disengagement and whatever I don’t care the final thing we want   to do is help make people more conscious of what they’re doing so they can make healthy   decisions in their current relationships so when they get that urge to either comply or disengage   is that a healthy normative reaction right now or are you reacting out of your past experiences the abandonment experience in childhood survival depends on caregivers a four-year-old left alone   for five days is not going to do so well you know they may be able to scavenge food but   once the food runs out where do they get it you know there’s only so much that a child   can do an infant can’t even get food so survival depends on their caregivers and if   their caregivers fail to meet those needs there are high levels of anxiety and I will refer regularly   to emotionally unavailable caregivers and emotionally absent in addition to physically   unavailable or absent because some parents and I worked in the field of co-occurring disorders for   over two decades and some parents just they are so overwhelmed and so paralyzed by life itself they   can’t even attend to anything else that’s going on they’re doing good just to be breathing but   if they have a child and that child’s needs are getting neglected and fear of abandonment is a natural   survival response when your food source goes away what happens you start to freak the freak out so   this is normal we look at this and say that that’s that’s natural if a child thinks about the first   time you take a child to kindergarten or pre-k or daycare or whatever it is and you drop the   child off even if they’re securely attached what do they cry because they’re afraid that   mom or dad won’t come back and they’re afraid of this new situation that’s changed securely attached   children will you know to adjust and then be happy to see mom or dad when they come back but the point   is there’s that initial oh crap reaction meeting biological needs and safety are key triggers for   anxiety at any age so we’re talking about housing we’re talking about safety we’re thinking about   Maslow’s hierarchy if somebody is not meeting the child’s needs or if the person is not getting   their needs met then they may have high levels of anxiety and I add to the safety concept not   only physical safety but also emotional safety people need to feel safe in their heads and   they need to be free from emotional abuse when focused on survival people can’t focus elsewhere   so if they’re not getting their physical needs met guess what you know if you take somebody who   is in pain who is sick who is hungry and who is homeless are they going to work on self-esteem   are they going to work on relationship skills no, they’re focused on survival they need to have   those basic needs met they need to have a certain sense of security if they are in a situation that   is dangerous physically obviously they’re not going to be focusing on how I can better myself   when they’re worried about somebody coming in and hurting them physically likewise, it’s hard to   focus on how can I better myself when everywhere they turn they perceive someone telling us you’re   not okay you’re stupid you’re lazy you’re bad you were the worst decision I ever made in my   life they can’t focus on personal growth when all they’re getting is these verbal beatdowns all the time so people need to have acceptance if they don’t have acceptance kind the opposite of   acceptance is abandonment two kinds of extremes again we’ll bring it back to the middle every   stressful situation becomes a crisis the in securely attached child now you can go back to   and read Bowlby’s work on secure and all that kind of stuff great reading but for the short version   of this presentation remember that certs securely attached children feel anxiety when their parents   leave but then they can adjust and they’re happy to see the parents return in securely attached   children feel a great amount of anxiety when their parents leave and are terrified that mom or   dad won’t come back and then when mom or dad does come back it’s your very very clingy or very very   rejecting so with this child that’s in securely attached it’s just like one to a hundred as soon   as something happens that they think they may be abandoned you see this pattern again in adults who   are still struggling with these abandonment issues that schema that they’ve formed and I’m getting a   little ahead of myself that schema that they form says if you let this person at your site or if   this person disagrees with you or if this person criticizes you they’re rejecting you and they’re   going to abandon you so we want to you know check in with those cognitions and look for trying to   make those thoughts a little bit more helpful in infancy or early childhood if caregivers were away   for long periods because of work because of the military if they were in jail if they just   chose to be away or if they passed away children may experience some abandonment issues now if   the parents are away because a parent is a way because of work or military or even jail and the   other parent can help the child work through it there’s much less drama if you will there’s much   less issue with abandonment issues in totality now if it’s whatever parent it is if the pay   if the father happened to be the one went away that person may have some residual issues with   adult figures in their life that they need to deal with but they may not know I’m not saying that   every child of a soldier or a service person is going to have abandonment issues that are so   not true however if the experiences of the time apart was not handled in a way where the child   felt secure then it could have consequences that are going into the present day if in early childhood   caregivers were consistently or unpredictably physically or emotionally present so think about   a parent who has major recurrent major depressive disorder addiction or is just ill-equipped to deal   with a child when I was working at the treatment center in Florida I had 14 15 16 year old young   women coming in and having babies and you know what does a 14-year-old know about giving birth   and raising a child it’s not that they weren’t necessarily trying you know they didn’t have great   role models raising them in most cases and so they don’t have anything to work with they don’t know   how to be a parent they’ve never been taught so it’s not always I don’t want to pathologize or   make the parents look like bad people because I believe that people do the best they can with   the tools they have at any given time parents don’t choose to be sucky parents sometimes it   happens but I don’t believe they choose to anyhow off my soapbox in later childhood as the   child becomes elementary school middle school age if they’re a poor family fit or they feel   like they’re the black sheep they just don’t have the same beliefs that the other people do   they don’t seem to have the same interest that their family does they may not feel accepted   especially if the family’s going no that’s wrong to believe and invalidate them so going back to   that psychological safety if they’re constantly being told their ideas are stupid they’re wrong   they have the wrong point of view and they can feel very isolated something can happen that   ruptures the relationship with the primary care giver whether it’s abuse or you know some other trauma and introduction of a new less emotionally or physically safe caregiver can also   lead to abandonment if the child feels like the biological caregiver chose a new spouse over him   or her say if you see where I’m going with that because if this new person comes in and is less   safe is abusive in some way emotionally physically sexually it doesn’t matter the child is going to   feel like they didn’t have a voice the child is going to feel like the biological caregiver   didn’t care and brought this other person in any way which leads to feelings of rejection   and abandonment so what are the reactions fight-or-flight whenever there’s a threat we   fall back to fight or flight or freeze but we’ll talk about that when there’s a threat our anxiety   goes up and we say in the past in these kinds of situations, if I fought, did I succeed if so then   we’ve got fights in the past did I succeed, and if the answer’s no then the response is to flee pretty simply so anger towards someone unavailable if they got angry and felt like it got them   some sort of acceptance from somewhere that might be the prevailing reaction sadness when someone   goes away a sense of helplessness this person just left me shame or self-anger about feeling   needy or about pushing someone away with fears related to rejection and isolation, nobody will ever love my loss of control or the unknown everybody always leaves see how I’m using these extreme   words again and fear of failure I can’t maintain a relationship nobody wants to be with me because   I’m not good enough so the questions for clients in these situations what caused these fears as a   child so when someone starts to have these fears about a relationship, if the relationship starts   to get rocking first question is what is it that you’re afraid of in this situation if you stay   together what is it that you’re afraid of if this the person leaves what is it you’re afraid of and how   likely is it that this person is going to leave based on whatever is going on right now so let’s   get some objective evidence here and another the tool you can use is the challenging questions   worksheet in cognitive processing therapy if you google it challenging questions worksheet   CPT or cognitive processing therapy helps people walk through the logic in some of their   cognitions and identify some known as unhelpful distortions so then after you figure out kind of   what the fear is then we say what caused that as a child in the past when you felt like this what   caused that and how was this reasonable or helpful you know in the past when you felt like this and   you reacted in anger what was the outcome and how was it helpful in some sort of way you know   did it get somebody to pay attention to you did it gets somebody to come to comfort you, okay so you   were identifying the function of the current behaviors and then we want to say what causes   these fears now a lot of times it’s the same symp or similar stuff but we could say how are these   reactions now unhelpful because as independent you know adult-type people we can fend for ourselves   we can put food on the table we can go to work we can do we can function independently whereas this   is a child we couldn’t you know there were just some barriers to that does that mean again that   we should live in isolation and say well I don’t need anybody no that’s not what I’m   saying what I’m saying is is these fears that are overwhelming about abandonment that causes   people to push others away or cling on like you know whatever clings on uh are these reactions   helpful in the present day you know do you still need to hold on to people like there’s no tomorrow temperament based on their temperament children need different types and amounts of caregiver   interaction um some children are wide open and easily overstimulated you know my son was that   way when he was born well to this very day um when he’s awake he is like the Energizer Bunny   on methamphetamine I’m he’s just going going going and talking and talking to himself and   he needed a lot of structure and he would get overstimulated easily but we were able to help   him figure out how to handle that instead of getting mad at him for what seemed to be acting   out we were able to help him channel and figure out when he needed to take a break the introvert   may not need as much one-on-one attention with the caregiver may need a comforting word   here and there but they may not need the amount of the attention that an extrovert may need an extrovert   tends to need more interaction with parents with family with other people because they draw energy   and they think while they talk and they think while they talk with other people so they feel   a lot more isolated if they are isolated so we want to understand the person’s temperament and   how they may or may not have gotten their needs met how they may have been told they were wrong   and invalidated when they were younger and you can hear some of this is kind of going towards   Linda hands DBT environment um but what we want to look at what you need now how can we create   an environment that’s accepting and welcoming to you now based on their needs and caregivers’ reactions children form schemas or core beliefs about the world and others so if they state their   opinion and it’s squashed or it’s ridiculed then they’re going to form this core belief that it   is not safe ever to share my opinions because I am always wrong now we’re talking about children here   but a lot of times think back for yourself there I think most of us have at least some all-or-nothing   dichotomous thoughts that come in every once in a while and you know we can catch them but if   these dichotomies go unaddressed the person starts feeling very lost and very abandoned because it’s all-or-nothing important points about children under 7 from 8 to 12 children are developing   alternative cognitive skills they’re starting to be able to think abstractly they’re   starting to be able to see the gray area and alternate explanations but even you know during   that period so zero to 12 children are having difficulty envisioning all the possibilities   so anything that happens before that we want to encourage them to look at the schemas that were   formed and challenge them to examine whether they are currently accurate and helpful children think   dichotomously when they’re that young it’s all or nothing it’s good or bad it’s not kind of sort   of something it is what it is I mean even think about thinking back to grades that we would get   it was satisfactory or unsatisfactory there was no ABCD F when we were in elementary school and   I don’t remember middle school then it was a dichotomous grading scale you either did it or you   didn’t children are egocentric so whatever happens they say what was it about me that made this   happen if mom’s in a bad mood what did I do if you know Mom is rejecting stupid well I’m   stupid children are very egocentric so you take all or nothing combined with all about me and you   can see we’re creating the perfect storm of children can only focus on one aspect at a time when I work   with adult clients you know they come in and they tell me that they had an interaction with their   boss he was walking down the hall and he was in a bad mood and I just knew I did something and so   we talked about that and I’m like how do you know that because he had it he had an angry look on his   face okay what are some other possibilities what else might have been going on with him then and a lot of times we can brainstorm ideas about a call he just got or where they just   left a meeting that didn’t go so well or who knows what else in this day and time when we’ve   got our cell phones and PDAs and everything there are a lot of things that can trigger a   mood besides just whoever you pass in the hallway children can’t think about those other things that   might have triggered the mood they see somebody unhappy and they’re like I’m sorry um so we want   to encourage as adults we want to encourage them to say all right what are the other possibilities even as children I try to work with my kids to encourage them to look at alternate reasons   why somebody may be acting a certain way children can’t think abstractly and consider those possible   options um even with kids you know knee-high to a grasshopper if you’re in a situation and   maybe in a store and somebody behaves not kindly to you, you can talk about that later with the kids   and say you know that was kind of unpleasant to go through what you think might have caused that   and brainstorm three ideas my favorite number is three I don’t know why but brainstorm three ideas   for alternate explanations for why that person may have been in an unpleasant mood if children   learn to do this when they’re younger it’s a a lot easier to transition to as adults schemas   are a broad way of perceiving things based on memories feelings and thoughts it’s   our go-to perception of what something’s going to be like we have schemas about everything if   you go to church you have a schema about what’s going to happen when you go to your mother’s   house you have a schema about how mom’s going to behave and what’s going to happen we form these   it’s our brain’s short shortcut instead of having to analyze every situation it says oh I remember   this been here before it’s probably going to be like X Y Z unfortunately sometimes things change   and one of the things we see in addictions treatment as is as caregivers into recovery and get a hold on it and start working that a new way of life and sobriety and all that stuff   old family members or family members still expect that old behavior they have that schema that when   Jane comes in this is what’s going to happen because they’re remembering how she behaved and   acted in her addictive self so we want to help people identify their schemas and check them   sometimes they’re still accurate sometimes not so much schemas that trigger abandonment fear center   around the cell acceptability is this person going to like me which is one of the reasons we do a lot   of self-esteem work in reducing abandonment fears because we want to reduce the need for people to   solicit external validation we want them to say I’m all that and a bag of chips and I would love   to play with you but if you don’t want to play I’m okay with that love ability if they were   told they were unlovable if they perceived they were unlovable then in the present, they   may fear isolation they may fear that they’re not lovable so they will try to do whatever they can   or likewise they will build a lead wall that is 5 feet thick around them so nobody can   hurt them they may have fears about their own competence you know thinking back to Erikson   you never thought some of these theorists from the past would keep coming up even in current practice   but they do if a child going through that period of industry versus inferiority Erik Erikson’s   stages of psychosocial development and they felt like a failure all the time or they were never   good enough the parents never recognized their positive achievements then they may question their competence and feel like a failure if they feel like a failure they may feel they may believe   that nobody wants to be around them so they will leave so if I fail they will leave and fears may   center around adaptability some people are not able to tolerate any loss of control they’re just   like that they’re holding on with a death grip to the relationship to anything that’s going on and   it starts to go wonky they are going to freak out so we want to look at what does it mean if you’re   not in control of everything what does it mean if you trust that this person is going to do the   next right thing if you are doing the next right thing as well schemas that trigger abandonment   fears can also be sent around center around others if someone is rejecting distant cold or is unable to   handle the person’s needs then the person may not feel acceptable so if they are in relationships   with people like this then we need to look at is Is it you who’s not acceptable or is something else   going on with that person that may be making them unable to deal with anybody else’s stuff   right now the person may feel isolated if other people are absent if people fail to keep promises   they may feel like nobody’s ever there for them competence if other people are always critical   then the person will question their competence and if others are unpredictable a lot of the time   when people who have anxiety about abandonment they come from situations where other people have   not been predictable or if they were they were unpredictably absent and relationship of self to   others if they are afraid about their ability to relate with others if they’re afraid of rejection   if they’re afraid that if they start to love they will be rejected and then they will be isolated   forever if they are afraid of the unknown and they I just want consistency more than anything and   as soon as consistency starts to waver a little bit because as we grow things change and people   with abandonment issues don’t like things to change because that’s not predictable and that’s   not consistent so they may have difficulty if one the person starts to change what they do I see this   a lot not saying that it’s an abandonment issue necessarily but when law enforcement officers   retire you know because they can retire after 20 years so they may start a new career and   that causes a lot of change schedule changes they’re not law enforcement anymore and the   spouse sometimes has culty adjusting to it as does the retired officer but controllability   if the person holds on to relationships and everything in their life with white knuckles   because they’re so afraid if they let go of control that they are going to disappear or   disintegrate then if something seems like it’s not in their control, it’s going to be a catastrophe so attachment Styles secure if there’s an emotionally available caregiver the child   will seek the caregiver for comfort and guess what the caregiver will be there and will more   often than not meet the need for comfort with the the correct type of comfort so hungry cold scared kind   of following the child’s upset when the caregiver leaves especially in new situations but the child   gets over it it’s not a child that’s going to sit there and cry for eight hours and then the child’s   happy when the caregiver returns in this kind of attachment the child learns to trust others will   be responsive to their needs and validate their needs a child learns to be self-reliant and try   new things but if they fail they know they can return to the home base they can go out and go well   that didn’t go as planned and the caregiver will be there to say alright let’s figure out what to do   next not You are such a failure the child learns to adapt to a variety of situations because when   they’ve been faced with something that’s a little scary caregivers have been there to kind of coach them   on and go you got this it’s scary I got it but you can do it the child learns to deal with   stress because the caregivers are there to coach them or to process it with them afterward because the   caregiver is not always physically there but if you’ve got children you know sometimes they’ll   come home from school and they’ve had a really bad day and you’d pull them aside and go you know   what’s going on let’s talk about it so in this way the child learns to deal with stress and the child   learns to have accurate expectations of others in the secure attachment, emotionally available   situation remember children are egocentric so if mom’s upset the child goes what did I do or Oh my gosh I hope mom’s not going to leave in a secure situation sometimes the parent has to   say something like Mommy had a really bad day at work today has nothing to do with you I need to go   take a timeout that helps a child understand that you know what it’s not all about me and   I can understand that sometimes moms upset for something besides me and I can understand that   if moms Up said it doesn’t mean she’s going to leave so obviously, this is the ideal situation   avoidant attachment styles the rejecting or harsh caregiver the person depends less on the caregiver   for security because every time they go saying mom Mom I had a nightmare can I come into bed with you   they’re met with going back to your bed and the caregiver rolls over it’s not oh I’m sorry you had   a nightmare let me walk you back to your room when the child is separated from the caregiver   there’s little response when the caregiver leaves or returns because the kids like what uses that   person to me the child learns not to depend on a caregiver for comfort connection or security   now imagine yourself a four-year-old child or a six-year-old child thinking I can’t count on my   caregivers for comfort connection or security that must be a terrifying place to be and I   can see why you would develop some pretty strong defense mechanisms the ambivalent relationship between the   cave caregiver is inconsistent or can bow can’t talk caregiver is inconsistent or chaotic this   is true in a lot of homes where there are at least one parent who is battling some sort of   addiction or mental health issue so the parent may or may not be available you don’t know what   the good days are going to be you don’t know what the bad days are going to be so the child may be   anxious and afraid to try new things or explore because they’re like things are going good right   now I don’t want to top will be an applecart just going to sit here and ride it out a child may be   clinging and demanding trying to elicit a response remembering negative attention is better than no   attention at all and the child is upset when the caregiver leaves but also inconsolable when the   caregiver returns because you know I was upset I was scared you went away but you came back and   that’s good but I don’t know when you’re going to go away again and if you’re going to come   back so it’s this constant anxiety of abandonment core abandonment beliefs all people leave so we   want to challenge that by identifying exceptions mistrust people will hurt reject take advantage   of me or just not be there when I need them you know what that’s true sometimes because people   have their stuff so when this happens let’s look at whether it’s happening all the time and/or   let’s also look at what else might be going on with that person that caused them to hurt reject   take advantage or not be there when you needed the emotional deprivation I never get the love I   need nobody understands me cares about me or even ever tries to meet my needs here how dramatic and   extreme that is so one of the things as clinicians we can do is say if you are getting the   love you needed what would it look like what would be different what is it that you need   that you’re not getting once we identify then we can create a plan to get it but a lot   of times other people don’t understand or may not be able to interpret what you need so let’s help   let’s try to figure out how to make this happen nobody understands me alright let’s talk about   why that might be and you know let’s look at some people who’ve kind of gotten a grasp sometimes   with clients with abandonment beliefs nobody understands me translates to I don’t give a buddy   a chance and I cut them off as soon as they become confused and because they associate confusion with rejection so we might talk about communication skills we might work on what it is that people   don’t understand and how to better communicate that and where to find people who have similar   interests nobody ever even tries to meet my needs you know where I would look for exceptions   but I would also challenge the person and I would say when do you meet your needs what do you do   to take care of yourself a lot of times clients with abandonment beliefs are so freaked   out and afraid of being abandoned that they’re not taking care of themselves either they’re   just living and paralyzed going back to fight flee or freeze they’re living a paralyzed state   of I want to be loved but if I love I’m gonna get hurt and I don’t know what to do they don’t even   love themselves so we want to start talking about if you had your best friend you know create this   best friend persona what would he or she say to you what would he or she do right now let’s try to   help you understand yourself with mindfulness exercises are good here because a lot of times these   clients don’t understand themselves they’ve got so much anxiety they’re so afraid and they don’t   know where it’s coming from because a lot of it has been going on for so long defectiveness   if people knew me they would reject me you know not everybody’s going to like you why do you need   everybody to like you why is it important that everybody likes you and failure I don’t measure   up and I’m not able to succeed I usually put pull out the obnoxious quote that if you haven’t failed   you haven’t tried and we talked about what it means to get outside your comfort zone and you’re   not going to be perfect at everything you’re not going to be Michael Phelps you’re not going to be   the president of the United States that doesn’t mean that you’re a failure that doesn’t mean you’re a failure so what things are you good at what can you and have you succeeded at and   go back and look over things like you graduated high school not everybody does that you know   raised a family, not everybody does that so we want to challenge all nothing’ languages we   want to look for exceptions and we want to look for in what ways can you provide yourself the   validation so you don’t fear abandonment you don’t need other people to tell you you’re okay because   guess what you’re telling yourself I’m okay and before I go on to unhelpful reactions I do want   to point out that if we tell people to tell themselves you know I’m okay that sounds great   but if they don’t believe it if it’s not supported with evidence, it’s probably going to slow   their growth because they’re sitting there going telling themselves I’m okay and in the back of   their head going you know you’re not so we need to get that internal critical voice to kind of   hush up by providing the person with the objective evidence of why they’re okay why they’re good   enough and that’s a slow process it’s not going to happen overnight but encourage people to figure   out why they believe what they believe and then you can work from there okay unhelpful reactions   fighting with someone you don’t want to leave me because so the person may engage in a dominant   sort of posturing behavior aggression hostility blaming and criticizing trying to tear down the   other person to say you know what I don’t care and it would help if you were grateful that I’m in your life recognizing and seeking to get attention and validation or approval so if they feel something’s going   wrong in a relationship they may start trying to do something to gain recognition to prove that   they’re worthy of a relationship for what they do versus who they are manipulation and exploitation   said lying justifying I did this because you made me so sometimes we all occasionally do things that   aren’t the nicest people who fear abandonment have difficulty saying you know what I screwed   up and they’re more likely to go you made me do I wouldn’t have done it if you would have X   Y & Z people again who are worried about a relationship is going to fall apart and may also make excuses for   other people’s inappropriate behavior it’s like you know I hate what this person does but   if I don’t make excuses for it if I condemn it then this person is going to leave in counseling   we can talk about the difference between loving a person and loving a person’s behavior you know I   love my kids to death there is no question about that but some of their behavior makes me want to   climb a wall I’m very clear to separate from them the difference between the behavior that I dislike   and them because you know like I said I love them to pieces and we want to help people start making   this differentiation if they don’t do it already and clinging and chasing is the other fight   reaction stalking and messaging somebody 47 times on Facebook in an hour all these kinds of behaviors   and even online bullying those sorts of things can be fight reactions in response to feeling like   there’s a threat of abandonment flight is more of the I don’t care if you leave so the person   will withdraw physically and emotionally and maybe even numb themselves with some sort of   addictive behavior or distract themselves with something completely different or find a new   person just proof that you know what I didn’t need you because I’ve got this new person now questions for clients about core beliefs all people leave okay so what does it look   like if somebody’s available to you if they don’t abandon you who in your past left you   or was unavailable emotionally now a lot of I find it helpful for mental health   and addiction clients to have them write an autobiography because then we can go back   and kind of review it and identify the core people at certain stages in a person’s life what did the person who left you do to make you feel rejected or abandoned in retrospect   you know it was hard to see the difference what was going on back then because you were a kid in   retrospect what are the alternate explanations for why this may have happened was it you or was it more about them who in your past has been available to you emotionally most of   the time people can point to one maybe two people who have generally been there it’s unreasonable to   expect someone always to be there who in your present is available to you emotionally you   know maybe they’ve only been in your life for six months or a year but they are available and I say   emotionally because you know not everybody can be available physically all the time we’ve got   jobs kids all that kind of stuff but can you pick up the phone and call them or text them and say   hey you know what I’m struggling right now what do you do in your current relationships that cause people to leave do you push them away if so how what are alternatives to pushing them away cutting all ties and just saying fine be that way I wipe my hands off you if you cling how do you do   this in what ways do you perceive yourself as being clinging and what are some alternatives   to holding on with all desperation and mistrust people will hurt reject or take advantage of me or just   not be there when I need them so again what does it looks like when somebody’s or what does it feel   like when someone is trustworthy and safe who in your past was untrustworthy or unsafe what do they   do they taught you this and what are alternate explanations who in your past has been trustworthy   and safe who in your present is available and trustworthy What do you do to yourself that   is unsafe or dishonest that’s one of those tricky questions you’re there talking about other people   other people then it’s like what do you do to yourself how do you lie to your   self or how are you mean and hateful to yourself how does your distrust of other people or even   yourself impact your current relationships some people distrust their internal intuition so   much that they don’t want to make friends with other people, they’re like I can’t tell who’s   going to hurt me and who won’t so just yeah I’m going to wipe my hands of it all what could you   do differently what do you think you could do to start building trust and what does   it look like to build trust because Trust doesn’t just appear it builds gradually emotional deaths   deprivation I don’t get the love I need nobody understands me so again what does it look like   when somebody understands you and meets your needs who in the past failed to meet your needs   emotionally and how can you deal with that now you know it may have been mom it may have been   ex-husband it may have been you know who knows how can you deal with it now yourself so you can   put it to rest who in your past is understood you who in your present understands you how   can you start again better understanding yourself because it’s hard for other people to understand   us when we don’t even understand ourselves and what can you do to start getting your needs met one of the things was starting to get your own needs met is to figure out what your needs are and   this is one of the exercises I have people do as a homework assignment they keep track of what is   it they want daily keep a log and then let’s talk about what common themes were seeing   if people knew me they would reject me okay so how do you know when you’re accepted or acceptable to   someone who when you’re past may make you feel defective are there alternate explanations and   how can you silence those old tapes because that person that statement stays as a heckler   in the gallery we need to hush the heckler what can you do part of it could be talking back and   saying you know what I’m not going to listen or I don’t have time for this right now who’s   been accepting and supportive who is in your life that’s accepting and supportive and how can you   start accepting yourself and being compassionate so some compassion focus training mindfulness work   to help people understand themselves and start being compassionate with themselves understanding   their vulnerabilities and cutting themselves some slack I don’t measure up I’m not able to succeed   okay that’s a pretty big success you know what is what success means success means different   things to different people so what does it look like to you to be successful let’s kind of hammer   that out what is it if you are successful what would be different what in your past has made   you feel like a failure what are some alternate ways of viewing it such as a learning experience   or something I had to go through to grow or you know brainstorming alternate explanations for   why people fail they don’t have a response to sometimes I ask them to kind of take on   a flip role and say pretend you’re a parent and your child comes home and they’ve tried out for   the football team and they didn’t make the team they failed what are you going to tell on what   have you succeeded at doing in the past what are you good at in the present and we want to   pay attention to minimization here because a a lot of our clients are not good at identifying   their strengths what does being successful mean in terms of your relationship with others do you have   to be successful to be loved and be a good relationship you know you’re going   to be successful in a relationship if you’re but do you have to be financially successful and powerful whatever you define success as in order to be in healthy relationships who are   three successful people you know and what makes them successful in your eyes does success equal   happiness you can do a whole group on that and what do your kids need to do to be successful   in life you know we want our kids to succeed we want our kids to be happy so what is it that I   envision my child’s life to be 10 to 15 years from now triggering relationships the abandoner is   unpredictable unstable and unavailable the abusive relationship is untrustworthy and   unsafe the deprived err depriving relationship the a person is detached or withholding the Devastator   is always judgmental rejecting and critical and the critic is critical and narcissistic usually   a lot of times people replay their past to try to kind of get it right the second time so we want   to look at do you have a habit of getting into relationships with people who are not safe we can   also ask them how do you exhibit these behaviors in what ways are these behaviors present your   current relationships and in what ways were these present and your primary caregiver relationships behavioral triggers abandonment and mistrust if somebody starts acting differently they change   their behavior in some way a person who fears abandonment goes oh that’s not good if they’re   not getting constant reassurance that’s that external validation can trigger   abandonment fears so again we want to work on internal validation and why is it that you   feel you need constant reassurance from the other person’s relationships feel threatening so   work relationships those sorts of things the a person who has abandonment issues won’t want   their significant other around other people and they become hyper-vigilant to rejection   and disconnection even if it’s just somebody going I had a really bad day I need 20 minutes   and go into the room and shut the door the person with abandonment issues will likely   have a high level of anxiety so we want to ask how these behaviors have threatened them in the   past what are alternate explanations for why this is happening with this person right now and what   would be a helpful reaction to these behaviors now so this is happening what would be a helpful   reaction instead of assuming that the sky is going to fall defectiveness and failure so if   somebody is critical if they have unexplained time apart there’s absent or inconsistent reassurance   or if the person tells them they’re a failure these or they fail at something these could   all be behavioral triggers they could be like I failed at something I’m not getting reassurance   this relationship is fixin’ to end questions how is this threatened you in the past alternate   explanations and what would be a helpful reaction to this particular situation right now envisioning activity what does a healthy the relationship looks like presence versus abandonment   acceptance versus rejection emotional support versus emotional unavailability trustworthy   versus untrustworthy and safe versus harmful these are extremes what does it look like to   be a middle ground there are going to be exceptions you know things are going to happen so what does   a healthy relationship look like and how do you deal with exceptions if somebody’s not always   present how can you create this relationship with yourself that’s the big one and then how can you   create this relationship with others’ mindfulness questions what am I feeling what’s triggering it   am I safe right now and if not what do I need to is this bringing up something from the past if   so how is this different how am I different then I was when I was six or four and how   can I silence my inner critic and finally what would be a helpful reaction that would move me   more toward my goals and a positive emotional experience summary core beliefs   about the self and others are formed in early life due to children’s lack of knowledge of other   experiences and primitive cognitive abilities these core beliefs are often very dichotomous   core beliefs can be formed around events or experiences outside of the conscious memory   identifying and being mindful of abandonment triggers in the present can help people choose   alternate more helpful ways of responding in the present in Secure and Loved loved me   don’t leave me are two excellent books there are Google previews if you want to look   at them to see if it’s something that you like but they do take what we talked about in this   presentation and expand upon it a whole bunch more if you enjoy this podcast please like and   subscribe either in your podcast player or on YouTube you can attend and participate in our   live webinars with Doctor Snipes by subscribing at all CEUs comm slash counselor toolbox, this   episode has been brought to you in part by all CEUs com provides 24/7 multimedia continuing   education and pre-certification training to counselors therapists and nurses since 2006 used coupon code consular toolbox to get a 20% discount off your order this month you As found on YouTubeSeanCooper🗯 The Shyness & Social Guy ⇝ The 3 WORST Mistakes You Must AVOID If You Want To Overcome Shyness (PLUS: 1 weird trick that targets the root biological cause of shyness so you can stop being nervous, awkward, and quiet around people…) http://flywait.darekw.hop.clickbank.net/ By Sean Cooper, The Shyness & Social Anxiety Guy. The fact that you’re reading this article tells me you may have already reached a point where you feel your shyness is NOT going away on its own… or you fear it’s getting worse and worse. And I don’t want you to waste one more day living a life where you feel left out, bored, or depressed because you don’t have the relationships which would make you happy. That’s why I’ve put together this page to help you avoid the worst mistakes that keep many people stuck with shyness for years… often giving up hope of ever improving as you watch other people have interesting “normal” lives without you. Yet this doesn’t have to happen.732d01adf780998f105af3460737a431

Addressing Negative Thoughts | Cognitive Behavioral Therapy with Dawn Elise Snipes

 CEUs are available at AllCEUs.com/CBT-CEU This episode was pre-recorded as part of a live continuing education webinar. On demand CEUs are still available for this presentation through ALLCEUs. ALLCEUs.com/CBT-CEU I’d like to welcome everybody today to cognitive behavioral therapy addressing negative thoughts. Now a lot of us took courses and cognitive behavioral therapy we’ve worked with CBP for many many years so some of the this is just going to be a refresher and others you know you may pick up a few new tips or tools as we go along so we’re going to define cognitive behavioral therapy and its basic principles just get a really basic refresher on what was that original CDP about well identify factors impacting people’s choices behaviors because you know they always have a choice we’ll explore causes and the impact of thinking errors whether you call them cognitive distortions irrational thoughts or when I work with my clients I try to call them unhelpful beliefs or unhelpful thoughts because distortions and irrational seems sort of pejorative to me so I try to avoid those words as much as possible and help clients see them as not incorrect necessarily but unhelpful and then we’ll identify some common thinking errors and their relationship to cognitive distortions and some of our just very basic fears why do we care well because cognitive distortions or irrational thoughts or unhelpful thoughts whatever you want to say really impacts people on a physical level a mental level and an emotional level a person who perceives the world is hostile unsafe and unpredictable will tend to be more hyper vigilant until they exhaust the stress response system so think about you know a bottle ship and you’ve got a bunch of new people on this battleship and all the sailors every time there’s the least little thing they send off the all-hands-on-deck so a big bird flies over and I mean literally a bird and they freak out found me all hands on deck and this goes on for a week or two or six months you know let’s think about our clients they don’t usually come in right away where everything is set to OFF that startle response everything sets off that fight-or-flight response the staff starts to get exhausted all the rest of the sailors that have to drop everything and run to their battle stations after a little while they’re like really no no we just we can’t even do this and it also reminds me of the boy who cried wolf anyhow I digress sticking with the battleship metaphor so eventually the captain says you know what let’s retrain on what is worth setting off the all hands on deck because everybody here is exhausted and nobody’s even really responding anymore when they come to their battle stations they’re just kind of dragging their butts in like whatever it’s probably another false alarm the same sort of thing is true with us when we’re on on high alert for too long our brain says you know what we got to conserve some energy in case some really really big threat comes along so it turns down what I call the stress response system it turns down the sensitivity so you don’t get alerted for every little thing that would cause you stress but you also don’t get alerted for those little things that would cause you happiness either anything that would cause the excitatory neurotransmitters to be secreted you’re just not getting those anymore which a lot of people kind of refer to as depression it’s just kind of like the F whatever and only the biggest most notable things actually cause an emotional effect we don’t want people to get to that point that’s no way to live so we need to help them learn how to sort of retrain their spotters to figure out what is actually stressful a person who perceives the world is generally good and believe they have the ability to deal with challenges as they arise will be able to allow their stress response system to function normally there are going to be times you have all hands on deck whether it’s a real emergency or whether it’s just a drill but it will happen and they can go they can you know do what they’re going to do they have that adrenaline rush they have the energy and the focus to do their jobs and when it’s over they go back to their quarters they can relax refresh you know just kind of chill for a while and then there’s a low where their body rebalances before the next one and this is kind of what we want in life I mean ideally we wouldn’t have super high peaks very often but we want to make sure we give our body time to rebalance after there’s a stressor and not have to stand on on edge not be hyper vigilant constantly just waiting for the next one to come along so what is the impact of these thinking errors well whenever we have that stress response system activated the body is saying we either need to fight or we need to flee so you’re dumping all kinds of adrenaline and other neuro chemicals so there’s anxiety there can be stress when people start having this reaction you know they start having muscle tension sweating heart rate increases breathing increases people will call that anxiety some will label that as anger either way they’re both sides of the same coin they need to do something but if it lasts too long then we start moving into depression and they just they don’t have to get up and go anymore there’s just not any excitatory neurotransmitters really left they need some time to rest and rebalance behaviorally think about it if you go somewhere and you are just constantly on guard are you going to keep going there or are you going to withdraw so people who have a lot of thinking errors unhelpful thoughts tend to withdraw more they may turn to addictions to kind of numb or blunt some of the inputs sleep problems and changes when you are hyper vigilant when you have this stress response going even if it’s not a full-bore if it’s still there somewhat if you’re stressed out you’re not going to sleep as well you’re going to maintain higher levels of cortisol so you’re not going to get that restful rejuvenating sleep you may kind of goes on and off eating changes you know depending on the person some people eat the self food that some people can’t eat it all but we do see that the hormones Guerlain and lets them get all out of whack not under stress but also when sleep gets out of whack when your circadian rhythms get out of whack so we’re starting to see the Cascade effect where it’s emotional and behavioral physical you’ve got stress-related illnesses that start coming up if you’re on that lunch you’ve got muscle tension for that long it starts to hurt I mean you start to get migraines your back starts to hurt wherever you store your stress so to speak it starts to come out and most people when they’re under a lot of stress for an extended period you know a day is not a big deal for most people but for an extended period become more susceptible to illnesses they start getting sick easier headaches GI distress you know some people store their stress right in their gut socially think about the last time you were stressed were you patient and tolerant and just a pleasure to be around you may have tried to be but you’re more prone to irritability and impatience and again wanting to withdraw all of these affects contribute to fatigue and a sense of hopelessness and helplessness which often intensifies thinking errors so you’ll see this negative reciprocal interaction if somebody feels stressed out and overwhelmed and that they withdrawal then they may start feeling like they have no support and they don’t and they lose all their social buffers to the stress so they feel even more stressed so they want to withdrawal even more so we’re going to talk about how to prevent that now I like this little diagram maybe because it’s got a heart in the center I don’t know but behavior feelings and thoughts this is the outside of the circle all three of these impact diecuts each other when you do something it often impacts your feelings and your thoughts about a situation when you when you’re thinking if you think positively you’re probably going to choose more positive behaviors and more have more positive feelings you’re thinking negatively obviously you may choose more of an escape behavior Protection behavior and may have more feelings of anger anxiety depression etc so these things are going on and they’re all interacting the one really cool thing is if you break this chain somewhere or this circuit then you can stop that reciprocal negative downward spiral so cognitive behavioral helps people who are willing to show up or who are willing to address their thoughts not everybody is willing to start addressing their thoughts right away maybe they want to start addressing their sleep problems in their eating problems or something that’s more physical okay that’s fine because anywhere we interrupt this circuit is going to have positive effects assuming the intervention is positive it’s going to have positive effects on the other ones so what about the triangle well yourself so you’re feeling thoughts and behavior impact you it impacts how you feel and you’re like well yeah okay just stay with me but the way you feel think and act impacts your future and it also impacts how you interact with others so you know that kind of affects things because remember social support is a big buffer for us now core beliefs and you can do this inward to outward or outward to inward but either way it comes down to core beliefs if you have positive thoughts and positive feelings and you generally engage in positive behaviors to keep that cycle going you will probably feel pretty good about yourself have good relationships have a somewhat optimistic feeling about the future and your core beliefs may be more like people are generally good I can do this you know very self affirming and other affirming positive core beliefs about yourself in the world now if your thoughts or feelings are negative then you have this negative outer circle you don’t feel so good you start questioning the goodness and Trust ability and dependable of other people you have more of a bleak look in the future so what do you think is going to happen to the core beliefs the core beliefs may change too if someone doesn’t love me I am completely unloveable they may change to being more extreme more negative and more difficult to rectify if you want to have somebody who’s happy I mean you’re not going to have somebody who’s happy who thinks the world is an unkind unpredictable scary place going it’s just wonderful roses today so we have to help people try to adjust eventually start adjusting those core beliefs and when we get into causing that behavior remember the ABCs your automatic but well your automatic thought then your and beliefs are what happened as soon as that event occurs and those you don’t think about that’s why they’re called automatic so when you have the ABCs these core beliefs are those things that pop up that we need to address so what factors affect this and whoops you know there’s a lot of stuff right here and EBP they call them vulnerabilities you know we’re just going to talk about in general different factors that affect the choices our clients make in terms of behaviors so negative emotions if they are not if they’re feeling angry if they’re feeling anxious they’re feeling depressed they’re probably not going to be really motivated to get up and engage in a whole lot of self affirming activities they’re not probably not going to be having a lot of positive self affirming thoughts they’re going to be focused on whatever is causing that distress and maybe escaping from that physically pain and illness when you don’t feel well it’s harder to be Susie sunshine I don’t think many of us are just a barrel of monkeys when we don’t feel well so if our clients have pain this is one of those if you want to put it in behaviors behavioral areas physical areas we can address and have them go see their physician have them go see their physical therapist and get recommendations so they aren’t feeling physically painful physically and distress all the time because physical distress and emotional distress both mess with sleep unfortunately sleep is the first thing to usually go and I’m not talking about quantity I know a lot of clients who when they get depressed they’re in in bed for you know days they’ll get up they’ll maybe shower and you know go back to bed and they’re sleeping a lot but it doesn’t mean it’s quality sleep so what we need to look at is what is the quality of their sleep are they getting that rejuvenation the time for their brain and neural chemicals to rebalance so they can feel happy so they can have that nice balance of all the the neurotransmitters they need to feel happy poor nutrition well no matter how much sleep they get if they don’t have the building blocks to make the neurotransmitters and the hormones that are needed to prompt the feelings the physiological sensations that we’ve labeled happiness or excitement or you know even depression and anxiety those are all caused by different neurotransmitters being secreted in different combinations if your body doesn’t have the building blocks to make those then it doesn’t matter how much sleep you get you’re not going to get any benefit from it an intoxication and this can be uppers downers anything that is psychoactive if you are messing with that neurotransmitter balance you’re going to get it out of whack and you may either use up too much of the excitatory or cause us a lot of it or you may use up too much of the depressant either way there’s usually a rebound effect which we call withdrawal so you’re not going to be in a good space either during the intoxication sometimes but definitely when you’re sobering up there’s a period where there’s going to be negative emotions negative feelings environmentally yeah your environment can even make you grumpy introduction of a new or unique situation some people love new challenges love going to new places other people not so much depending on the person taking on going somewhere new may be really stressful for them so if they’ve already got de-stress going on because of having to go to this new situation then their thoughts may be a little bit more on the anxious side about a lot of things and they may have less patience and tolerance to deal with other stuff that comes their way because they’re already kind of on edge and exposure to unpress you know going places that you just really don’t want to go maybe and one of the places I used to work we had this meeting once a month and it was literally an eight-hour meeting and we would all sit in there for eight hours and one person at a time would get up and give their staff reports or whatever but it tended to be a relatively dreadful sort of environment or eight hours and we all knew we had to be there and that was fine but it was an unprecedented were grumbling on the way in they were getting their coffee and going well I better do this because I’m not getting out for another eight hours we need to help our clients obsess what is it in your environment if anything that is making you already feel grumpy or not as happy and likewise what can you put in your environment to make you feel happier you know I keep pictures of my kids and my animals on my phone that way if I’m having a moment or not sometimes I just like looking at them I can take a look at it it makes me smile and I’m like okay life is good you know this moment may not be so wonderful but it’s just this moment then we move on to stress of a social nature peers or family who convey irrational thoughts as necessary standards for social acceptance nobody wants to associate with those people or nobody’s going to like you when you’re like this or you read if you really want to be successful then you need to change fill in the blank it’s always a something needs to change you are not okay for who you are how you are and a lack of supportive peers to buffer stress because we all have negative people in our life it happens but if you have negative supportive peers that you can call afterwards and go yeah I had just had to meet with someone so for an hour and it was just dreadful and that person can go well I’m sorry or be there make you laugh or whatever they do it helps buffer the stress if you don’t have those positive social supports then you’re left walking out of it you’re kind of feeling shell-shocked and then you also at the same time have to figure out for yourself all right what do I do next now it doesn’t mean you can’t do it you know people do it all the time but it is good it is awesome to have supportive peers to buffer your stress so when cognitive therapy clients learn to distinguish between thoughts and feelings realizing that thoughts will trigger feelings but they don’t have to cause continual feelings and behaviors and feelings can cause certain thoughts but they don’t have to you can unhook from them and you can just say this is how I’m feeling right now now where am I going to go from here and we talked about that on Tuesday with unhooking from unhooking from your thoughts and stepping back and going what is the next logical action to get me to where I want to go become aware of the ways in which the thoughts can influence feelings in ways that are sometimes not helpful being critical being jealous envious maybe you just don’t like somebody and you know there’s a whole lot of reasons for that but you don’t like everybody most people don’t like everyone and so it’s you know that’s okay but recognize how that affects your interactions with that person and your thoughts about that person learn how thoughts that seem to occur automatically affect emotions so recognize start getting down to what are these core beliefs that happen every time it’s a negative incident that make me feel angry or anxious constructively evaluate whether these automatic thoughts and assumptions are accurate or perhaps biased evaluate whether the current reactions are helpful and a good use of energy or unhelpful and a waste of energy that could be used to move toward those people and things important to the person so again back kind of to that ACP sort of thing is this a good use of your energy to help you achieve your goals and be the person you want to be and develop the skills to notice interrupt and correct these biased thoughts independently like I said you don’t always have to call somebody you can do it on your own but sometimes it’s nice to have that buffer in that middle moment so what causes these thinking errors how can we even start helping people address their thoughts and until we start thinking about well what caused them information processing shortcuts as we grow up we learn things you know when you were knee-high to a grasshopper you didn’t have a lot of experience so you learned things but things you learned when you were a kid unfortunately because you were cognitively a child are either our dichotomies they’re all or nothing it’s either this way or no way at all so things that you have things that you learn back when you were a child may not have been challenged if you heard something from your parent maybe your parents said you’re a bad girl or you’re a bad boy it’s all or nothing well I am a bad girl so I guess that means I’m not okay and if I’m not okay right now I’m never okay that can stick with a person so these outdated amis schemas can really trip somebody up once the person gets into you know middle schoolish the thoughts aren’t nearly as dichotomous there’s a lot more formal operational thought if you will but up until then I mean you’ve got a child who’s experiencing a lot of stuff and taking in like a sponge everything they hear and it gets sorted into a yes or a No pile there’s there’s no kind of middle pile that there’s no yes and so what we want to do is help people look at those thoughts now and say okay if they’re all or nothing is there a way to find both and so for example we’ll take that exam scenario I gave you earlier if a child hears you’re a bad girl when they’re young they take that to mean always everything about me is bad I’m unlovable so what is the both and compromise as an adult we can look back and go you know I’m a good person I may not make may make poor choices sometimes I may make bad choices but I’m a good person so there’s that both and you know I’m not perfect but I’m good so that it’s not all or nothing and I encourage my clients to really always look for that middle ground how can it be both or does it have to even be that negative one but most of the time there’s a little bit of something on both sides the brain’s limited information processing capacity and limited responses when children are young you know they hear something you know mom comes in and says you’re a bad girl and child hears I’m totally unlovable and it just crushes the child they don’t have experiences to go moms having a bad day she kind of tends to say things she doesn’t mean when she’s having a bad day it’s just it’s devastating to that child when you’re older if somebody says something that’s not necessarily tactful you know you can look at it and go yeah that really wasn’t nice but that person probably did not intend to be hurtful they may have something else going on children have fewer experiences so what was devastating or overwhelming as a child may not still have have to feel that way when you’re a child if your best friend moved away oh that was devastating it was the end of the world now as an adult you can go visit them you can call them and with the internet and everything you can email them you can still stay in touch so there are ways to do it yeah you can’t go out and swing swing on swings together all the time but it doesn’t have to mean the end of the end of time things will change and there’s a little process of grieving that has to go along with that but to an adult a friend moving away is less devastating than say to a six-year-old your parent being angry with you if you grew up in an alcoholic or addicted household you learn don’t talk don’t trust don’t feel when the parent came in if the parent was angry with you you could have been in a lot of hurt you know there could have been some actual danger to your physical or emotional person so it was scary as a 26 year old or however old your client is is it that threatening you know if your parent gets angry with you you don’t depend on them for food and shelter anymore you don’t have to be an inner household if they were violent towards you so is it as terrifying when your parent gets angry yes there’s lots of issues with wanting acceptance from your parents that’s over here there’s a whole nother issue but when your parent is angry do you have to have that person’s approval when we’re in crisis we don’t process much when you’re in crisis your body is worried about surviving if you’ve been in a car wreck if somebody has gone to the hospital whatever the case is you’re not processing all of the data in order to make it in for decision you’re processing what’s right in front of you because when we’re in crisis we generally have tunnel vision and really crappy memory so if something happened when someone was in crisis that hurt their feelings made them angry you know fill in the blank some sort of dysphoric emotion we want to say well let’s look back at that and see if there’s a pose and let’s look back at that and see if there was something that you missed that might help you understand why this person reacted that way but understanding that in crisis we just generally don’t make the most informed decisions so emotional reasoning helping clients understand that feeling or not facts and helping them learn to identify feelings and separate them from facts so if they say I’m terrified all right so you’re terrified got that about what are you terrified you know tell me what are these things that make you feel like the world is such a scary place and let’s list them on the whiteboard or a flip chart what is the evidence that those are present dangers right now that they’re actually impending threats so tell me about what the evidence is in what ways is this similar to other situations where you felt terrified and how did you deal with those situations I have a friend who actually went this morning on an airplane flight and she hates flying totally terrified of it so what is the evidence that this plane is going to crash you know what is the evidence that it is likely that this plane will crash and there really she’s flying on an american-based commercial airliner there really isn’t any when you look at the proportions so okay there’s there have been a couple of crashes over the past 20 years and in a couple of those there were some fatalities no doubt but looking at the proportions and running the numbers what’s the likelihood in what ways this is similar to other situations that you have felt terrified you know maybe there haven’t been any other situations where she’s flown and gotten through it and been like score I did that but what other situations have you had to get through that you were terrified and how did you deal with those help people develop distress tolerance skills one of the things I told her was when you’re sitting on the airplane and you know the airplane starts up don’t wait til you start getting really stressed necessarily but when we were little on the car when we’re in the car we used to find things on the drive find something that starts with a and everybody would find something that started with a and then find something that starts with B and you know so on and if you couldn’t find something that started with that letter you were out so I mean she’s going on this trip with her kids and I’m like why don’t you try doing that because there are some letters that you’re going to have to work really hard and it’s kind of like the game apples to apples you end up finding something really inane in order to get that letter and you laugh and you’re so busy focusing on that you’re not focusing on all of the things that could possibly maybe go wrong other distress tolerance skills you know you can go through the whole DBT curriculum and learn some of those the biggest thing is if you have to face the terror if you have to go through it figure out a way to not have to focus on it and fight it and go I shouldn’t be afraid I shouldn’t be because that doesn’t work if it worked we wouldn’t be talking about it and develop emotional regulation skills so prevent those vulnerabilities set yourself up so you are as prepared as you can to not feel stressed to not feel anxious she has her spouse with her who can help diffuse some of it she’s got her kids with her she downloaded some movies she’s prepared to endure the distress she’s you know trying to go into it with a positive mindset as much as possible and focusing on the destination which you know is ultimately the reason she’s getting on the plane social causes of stress and thinking errors everybody’s doing it well that’s not true there’s very real that everybody does so correcting misinformation how the client gather objective information about you know if they say well everybody else that I know has succeeded okay well let’s gather objective information about that who do you know and tell me if they’ve succeeded if I want to be liked I must do it this need for approval or low self-esteem can cause a lot of problems in thinking errors and fears of rejection so we say okay let’s look at developing some self-esteem so you don’t need to worry about if somebody likes you what would it be like if you woke up in the morning and you didn’t care if so-and-so liked you I mean we all want to have friends don’t get me wrong I’m not saying you want to be her moving out in the woods but if we’re talking about a particular so-and-so what would it be like in the morning to get up and go you know what if that person messages me today or call us me today that’s great and if not I’m okay with that how liberating would that be to get your power back and how people develop social supports that share their same values and goals at least mostly or at least can respect yours so for example when you know I work with people with co-occurring disorders and they don’t drink and they don’t use drugs so they may be around people family friends who drink if you’re going to be in that situation do you have to drink and can you be around do you have social supports that can be supportive of your choice to not drink doesn’t necessarily mean they’re it’s not going to not going to not drink in front of you but at least they’re not trying to get you to drink so the social causes of irrational thoughts if I want to be liked I must do this why can’t you be like for who you are cognitive bias negativity mental filter focus on the negatives and worry about the future most of us know some people like that most of us have had a moment where we felt like this we’ve just gotten ourselves in a tizzy and spun out of control but you can bring it back so you want to ask yourself or have your clients ask themselves what’s the benefit to focusing on the negative if you know that this is going to go south really fast what’s the benefit to just focusing on that could you focus on alternatives or Plan B’s what are the positives to the situation most people who have mood issues who present to us in counseling don’t focus on both sides yes every side you know has a little bit of negative to it if you really want to look hard enough but every side also has a silver lining if you really want to look hard enough so we need to balance the the positives and the negatives so encourage people to look for the positives in the situation yeah this really sucked but and what are all the facts what are all the things going into it sometimes people will go to work and not know or wonder if they’re going to get laid off because you know you’re not necessarily always guaranteed a job anywhere there can be layoffs but if somebody is going to work every day worried about this focusing on the negative up yep I’m definitely going to be the one that’s going to get the pink slip and they go to their mailbox each time looking for that pink slip expecting it to be there how is that going to affect their mood as opposed to alright there may be layoffs coming what can I do to make myself really valuable or and what are my options if I do get laid off let’s make a plan B and C so I don’t just feel like the rug was pulled out from under me coin toss activity if somebody tends to be stuck in negativity have them flip a coin every morning if it lands on heads they can just see their normal selves to their heart’s content if it lands on tails they need to act as if they are a happy positive optimistic maybe even a noxious ly optimistic person for the entire day you know we want them to be farting rainbows and when I say that they usually look at me and laugh and but that’s okay I’m like every time you start having a negative thought I want you to see a unicorn farting rainbows and take it from there and then have them process how they felt at the end of the day if they weren’t constantly focused on negativity and worrying and only seeing the bad stuff disqualifying or minimizing the positive if something happens when somebody says well I just got that promotion because they didn’t have anybody else to give it to okay if your best friend just got a promotion would you say that to them what is scary about accepting the positive about accepting the fact that maybe you got the promotion because you’re awesome sometimes we disqualify the positive because it fails to meet someone else’s standards so might that be true here you know maybe you got this promotion and you’re actually down deep down inside kind of proud of it but you know that your mother had always wanted you to be this over here and you’re never going to meet that expectation so you minimize it that way nobody else could say well you know better than nothing and take away your thunder egocentrism my perspective is the only perspective take different perspectives I always say three if something happens and you know maybe somebody was rude to you anyone they were rude to me okay they were rude to you what are three reasons what are some alternate perspectives why that person might have been rude maybe what you did something that triggers them maybe they were having a bad day and it’s got nothing at all to do with you you know there are options that we can look at personalization and mind-reading what are some alternate explanations for the event that didn’t involve you if you think well that person that person just really doesn’t like me and you know I’ve got to work with them every day and they hate me my question to my client would be what what’s the evidence for that and what are some alternative explanations for why that person may be behaving that way I had a staff member that a lot of my other staff members had difficulty getting along with and ultimately you know we had to sit down and look when I had some different staff meetings with people and say you know what gives you the idea that she doesn’t like you what gives you the idea that it’s about you and you know they cited all kinds of behaviors and I had to come back to well what are some alternate reasons why somebody anybody not just her might be expressing those behaviors could it be something besides you and of course they came back – yeah availability heuristic remembering what’s prominent in your mind if somebody was if you’re a supervisor for example and you’re doing evaluation for the year what are you really remembering when you’re doing that evaluation the whole year or the last three months and that’s the event fail ability heuristic so when you’re talking to somebody about their relationship with their best friend or their spouse or their kids and if somebody says well that that child has always been a problem okay let’s look at that you know the child is 18 and you’ve had a lot of problems with him lately but what about three years ago so was he always a problem or is this something that’s relatively new that something might have changed magnification people getting stuck on fearing the absolute worst so you want to ask them is this a high probability or low probability outcome if they’re magnifying something that happened like oh my gosh that is the worst thing in the world is this going to matter six months from now maybe you totaled your car and yeah that is a huge bummer and you’re safe in six months is this really going to matter that much you know there are going to be some bills and everything but the big scheme of things is at the end of the world what have you done in the past to tolerate events like these when something really really unpleasant has happened and then if they’re looking at dichotomous ways of thinking which a lot of our clients still do they’re like someone so it always does this or never does this have them look at the differences between love versus hate perfection versus failure and all good intentions versus all bad intentions because a lot of our dichotomies fall in one of these three categories this person always does this or Never or does it intentionally or you know just doesn’t care belief in a just world the fallacy of fairness encourage people to look for for good people they know that have had bad things happen attributional bearers are labeling yourself not a behavior such as saying I am stupid instead of I don’t have good math skills I am is difficult to get rid of I can’t get rid of stupidity if it’s part of me but if it’s a thought or a skill I can either get rid of it or improve it stable I am means I am right now and I probably always will be stupid verses I can change this thought or skill I can learn math and internal attributions mean it’s about me as a person versus about a skill or skill deficit or something completely unrelated so when somebody makes a global internal negative statement we want to help them challenge that global internal positive statements I’m all about but the negative ones I want to say let’s take a look at that is that true that this is about you all of the time and it means that there’s something wrong with you so we want to ask them how are these thoughts how are these ways of thinking impacting your emotions health relationships and perceptions of the world we want to increase motivation to start looking at these spanking errors because it’s a lot of work to start changing the way you automatically think because you’ve got to stop you’ve got to become mindful and then you’ve got to decide well what are the alternative thoughts because this is what I thought for so long how may have this thought has been helpful in the past most of the time thoughts we have came from somewhere and whether it was a thought we had when we were a child something we learned when we were a child that is dichotomous and not quite applicable anymore it may have been helpful in the past to help you navigate situations doesn’t mean it was wrong it means it’s not helpful in the present asking them to always ask themselves is this thought or feeling bringing you the client closer to those people and things that are important to you it’s hanging on to this negativity bringing you closer and and I like the energy philosophy if you will when you are unhappy you are letting this person have your power you are letting this person make you angry when you decide you are not going to give them your power then you may start feeling happier and I don’t always use that with clients but sometimes the power metaphor help when we talk about thinking Ayers asked them are there examples of this not being true and and or how can a statement be made less global stable and internal is it about you or is it about what you do at work is it about you or is it about your relationship with this particular person so the last couple of slides focusing on some of the irrational thoughts or unhelpful beliefs our basic fears are rejection and isolation failure loss of control the unknown and death generally the things that cause people to have this fight-or-flight reaction fall into one of those categories so some of the unhelpful beliefs that we hear a lot coming up when we do the ABCs is that mistakes are never acceptable so if I make one I am incompetent so we’ve got dichotomous thinking and we’ve got a lot of internal global labeling here rejection and isolation when somebody disagrees with me it’s a personal attack against me well sometimes it is what does that mean it’s about you we’re helping them address the rejection and isolation fears we want to ask them you know if they disagree with you were they attacking you and saying you were stupid or were they attack attacking you want to use that word or were they attacking the thought and saying they disagreed with the thought there’s a little bit of a difference it’s somewhat semantics but it’s a difference because they may have a lot of respect for you but they may disagree with what you just said if someone criticizes or rejects me there must be something wrong with me again that’s one of those internal global negative statements to feel good about myself others must approve of me we want to make sure our clients can self validate and they don’t rely on external validation because they’re setting themselves up for a world of hurt if they are not their own best friend to be content in life I must be liked by all people and thanks for a second are you liked by everybody I know I’m not liked by everybody so does that mean that I should not be content in life and what does it say to give people that power to say if you don’t like me that I can’t be content because I’ve got to be liked by everybody sometimes with clients I’ll help them look at what may be going on with the other person why that person might like them because a lot of times other people’s reactions towards you are more about their stuff than about you and helping them see how that might be true my true value as an individual depends on what others think of me so these other unhelpful beliefs pertain to those thoughts of failure and loss of control none of us likes to fail don’t get me wrong it’s not pleasant but it happens and there is a saying out there that says if you haven’t failed you haven’t tried which means we need to get beyond our safety envelope we need to push ourselves behind beyond our boundaries and when we do sometimes we’re going to stumble and fall and we pick ourselves up and we learn from it but to expect to never fail at anything is not realistic so nothing ever turns out the way you want it to how many times have you heard that from your clients I won’t try anything new unless I know I’ll be good at it I’m in total control and anything bad that happens is my fault so let’s look at this locus let’s control thing here you’re in total control so you can make it rain you know it was unpleasant today because I had to come to work and it was raining outside so that was bad it happened was it your fault pointing out and depending on your relationship for your client you’re probably going to be more or less snarky when you present some of these but a lot of times I have a semi joking relationship if you will with my clients and they’re like yeah I see your point that kind of didn’t make a lot of since other times you know if they’re more serious I’ll ask them to identify things that happened that were bad that they had nothing to do with if I feel happy about life something will go wrong or I’m always waiting for the other shoe to drop helping people stay focused in the moment with mindfulness and something’s going to go wrong down the road somewhere sometimes yeah it’s true this will happen let’s enjoy what we’ve got for right now the past always repeats itself it was if it was true then it’s true now so what was true when you were ten is true now that you’re forty always is that true it’s not my fault my life didn’t go the way I wanted everybody conspired against me and there’s no gray area so for people who feel the need to hold on to control its dichotomous it is or it isn’t it’s got to be that way there’s no gray area and it can make life be seem very uncomfortable because they’ve got to put things in one of two buckets and sometimes things don’t fit nicely in buckets what happens if we add a third bucket that both an bucket so a quick note about irrationality the origins of most beliefs were rational and helpful given the information the person had at the time and their ability to process that information because of their cognitive development so things that we identify as unhelpful or automatic beliefs now came from somewhere and they made perfect sense whenever they were formed they may not be healthy or helpful now which is why we want to look at them and either adjust them or just throw them out the door but when they were formed they were on point irrationality or unhelpful nasaw thoughts comes when those beliefs are perpetuated without examination so again we need to look at them continually look at what you’re telling yourself and go is this still accurate and continue to be held despite causing harm to the person sometimes you’re going to look at a thought an automatic thought and you’re going to go yeah that is still spot-on now is holding on to this helping me achieve my goals you know yet the world right now is kind of a scary place is holding on to this fear and terror helping me and be a happy productive yada-yada whatever kind of person you want to be or is it causing me to feel anxious and angry and scared sometimes it’s more productive for clients to think of thoughts as unhelpful instead of irrational because like I said I feel like irrationality and distortions seem very pejorative to a lot of clients so questions clients can ask themselves when they are faced with a situation what are the facts for and against this belief is this belief based on facts or feelings just because you feel scared is it a scary situation does the belief focus on just one aspect or the whole situation does the belief seem to use any of those thinking errors we talked about and if so you know what do I need to do about it what are some alternate explanations for this belief what else could have caused this to happen besides whatever I’m afraid of what would you tell your child or your best friend if they had this belief what would you took what would you want someone to tell you about this belief you could have somebody tell you something that would make you feel okay what would you want them to tell you and how is this belief moving you toward what and who is important to you remembering that beliefs are a combination of thought and fact and personal interpretation of those thoughts and facts I tend to when I talk you know you see me I kind of I’m all over the place with my arms I am a animated talker now if you are seeing me from a hundred feet away and you are seeing me talk might think I was angry because I make a lot of really big gestures because if you had grown up in a situation where there was domestic violence or something but if you had grown up in a household like I did where you had a first generation Italian first generations of ten Italian Americans talk big they talk real big with lots of gestures and sometimes loud and that doesn’t necessarily mean any anger a lot of times it’s just pure excitement so understanding that there’s thoughts in facts you know you see this going on but your personal interpretation can really affect what you get out of it or what you perceive that situation to be so we need to look at how is your personal interpretation maybe adding a negative bias and what what do we do about that it may be 100 percent accurate what do we do about it so it doesn’t keep you miserable thoughts impact behaviors and emotional and physical reactions emotional physical reactions impact thoughts and your interpretation of events irrational or unhelpful thinking patterns are often caused by cognitive distortions my two favorite words in that same sentence cognitive distortions are schemas or shortcut ideas or memories if you will which were formed based on faulty inaccurate or immature knowledge or understanding of the event you know little kids may not have quite understood what was going on they just understood that mommy and daddy were screaming identifying the thoughts the hecklers I call them those negative voices inside your head that are maintaining unhappiness helps people choose whether to accept the thoughts and say yeah you know that’s right I really am not good at that or whatever the negative thought is and change it or let the thought go are there any questions you you thank you miss Benson well thank you all if you come up with any questions you know you’re mulling it over later and you think you know that yet I’ve worked with a client and with something similar and I did this or you know you have a question about something I said feel free to email me the easiest one to remember is support at all CEUs com there’s only two others in the office so either my husband gets it err I do so it’ll get to me and I guess that’s it so I will see you all on Tuesday if you have any types of courses that you want to see added to the list please let me know I’m always interested in doing what you want to learn about not necessarily just where I pull out on my rabbit hat yes you can print the slides in the golly golly golly when you go into the class there’s a link that has a PDF of the slides that you can print if you want to print go ahead and print those out the video version of this will be up on YouTube by tomorrow morning maybe later this afternoon you okay everybody have an absolutely amazing rest of your day and weekend if you enjoy this podcast please like and subscribe either in your podcast player or on YouTube you can attend and participate in our live webinars with dr. Schneider by subscribing at all CEUs calm / counselor toolbox this episode has been brought to you in part by all CEUs calm providing 24/7 multimedia continuing education and pre certification training to counselors therapists and nurses since 2006 use coupon code consular toolbox to get a 20% discount off your order this month.As found on YouTubeSeanCooper🗯 The Shyness & Social Guy ⇝ The 3 WORST Mistakes You Must AVOID If You Want To Overcome Shyness (PLUS: 1 weird trick that targets the root biological cause of shyness so you can stop being nervous, awkward, and quiet around people…) By Sean Cooper, The Shyness & Social Anxiety Guy. The fact that you’re reading this article tells me you may have already reached a point where you feel your shyness is NOT going away on its own… 732d01adf780998f105af3460737a431 or you fear it’s getting worse and worse. And I don’t want you to waste one more day living a life where you feel left out, bored, or depressed because you don’t have the relationships which would make you happy. That’s why I’ve put together this page to help you avoid the worst mistakes that keep many people stuck with shyness for years… often giving up hope of ever improving as you watch other people have interesting “normal” lives without you. Yet this doesn’t have to happen.

Abandonment Anxiety– Video corrupted See https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XQWUYWeiHB0

 
 this episode was pre-recorded as part of a live continuing   education webinar on-demand CEUs are still available for this presentation   through all CEUs registered at all CEUs comm slash counselor toolbox I’d like to welcome everybody today to the presentation love me doesn’t leave me addressing   fears of abandonment the purpose of this presentation is really to help us help clients   increase their awareness of their story including beliefs about behavioral reactions to situations   that trigger their fear of abandonment so how do we do that well the first thing we need to   figure out is what fear of abandonment is and how can we identify it in a clinical set setting then   we’re going to explore the concept of schemas or core beliefs and these are things that are formed   in early childhood you know if you remember prior classes we’ve talked about early childhood   cognition is generally very dichotomous in children young children don’t have the ability to look at   that gray area so these schemas if they’ve gone unchecked can lead to some very extreme belief   patterns which lead us into common traps in thinking reacting and relationships if your   schemas are based on all-or-nothing you either love me or you’re going to leave me hence the   name of the book then your reactions are going to tend to be more extreme and more all-or-nothing   which increases anxiety because then anytime a person who perceives any amount of disapproval   obviously is going to go to that extreme so we want to talk about bringing it more toward the   middle line and helping people learn to appreciate and love themselves for themselves while they may   not approve of the behaviors of other people they can still love other people so just because somebody   doesn’t approve of your behavior doesn’t mean necessarily that they’re going to abandon you so   we’re going to talk about that and then we’ll learn skills necessary to help people accept   their past as part of their story maybe they do have a lot of abandonment issues and you know   some people do and it really is painful it cuts to the core especially when those abandonment   issues occur in early childhood when kids going what that does so we’re going to talk about that   and help people learn how to integrate it into their present and we’ll learn the skills necessary   to acknowledge that their past does not have to continue to negatively impact them in the present   so if they were abandoned when they were a child you know we need to deal with that however if they   continue to expect that every significant person in their life will abandon them notice I use the   word every because we’re still in those extremes then they’re going that the past is negatively   impacting them in the present so we’ll talk about how to sort of moderate those belief systems how   does this impact recovery whether you’re talking about addiction or mental health issues connection   is a basic human need we are not meant for the most part to be Hermits in the middle of the   woods there are introverts and in my husband’s an introvert he has a couple of really good friends   he needs quiet time each day he doesn’t need to be surrounded by people and he’s fine but I mean   we’ve got human connection he’s not going to be one that’s just going to you know move out to the   middle of nowhere I’m an extrovert on the other hand and I tend to have a lot of acquaintances   and a lot of friends I draw energy from being around other people so just because   someone doesn’t have 150 acquaintances doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t need connections so   we want to recognize that connection is a basic human need when infants are born they are put   on their mother’s chest when we embrace each other whether it’s mother and child or friends   or whatever a chemical called oxytocin is released and it’s our bonding chemical we are programmed we   are hardwired for connection and oxytocin is a very rewarding chemical so we want to recognize   this that if people are so afraid of abandonment that they push everybody away what are they losing   as far as quality of life as infants and children survival is dependent upon the relationship with   the primary caregiver so if mom or dad wasn’t happy if mom or dad was rejecting the young   child was pretty much helpless to think about a child who’s growing up in a family that’s just riddled   with addiction and mental health issues and the primary caregiver or caregivers are completely   emotionally unavailable they may be physically there but they may be so high or so depressed or   so psychotic that they cannot attend to the children’s need what does that communicate to   the child feels abandoned the child feels a sense of neglect for people’s beliefs about   other people and relationships were formed largely based on their interactions with their caregivers   so if this child was going mom I’m hungry and nothing happened or worse yet child was going   mom I’m terrified and nothing happened or they were just given a pacifier and told to shut up   then that is they were told they were communicated to that their beliefs their feelings their wants   and their needs were not important so they were being rejected healthy relationships serve up as   a buffer against stress so even if they had all these negative experiences in early childhood teenage years you know maybe up until they walked into your office it doesn’t mean it   has to continue and how much can they gain from having healthy relationships with a lot of clients   that I work with who have pretty significant abandonment issues can’t even fathom trusting   someone enough to be in a healthy relationship so we’re going to talk about how to sort of ease into   that because you’re not going to say don’t let your past influence your future and we’ll wave   a magic wand and they’re ready to trust people even once you point out that what happened in   the past was largely not their fault or maybe not even their fault at all they’re still going   to have difficulty not accepting responsibility and going everybody leaves me so what talk about   that addressing beliefs that formed as a result of these relationships the past dysfunctional   relationships we can help people create a new understanding of events was mom or dad or   caregiver really being rejecting were you being abandoned emotionally and physically because of   you or because mom or dad just was able to do what they needed to do to be a caregiver at that point   in time they were doing the best they could with the tools they had but it wasn’t enough to meet   your needs so we want to talk about alternate explanations for why parents and caregivers may have   behaved in that way if you have a young child well an adult now but who was put up for adoption or   abandoned by their caregivers at a young age the a young child was probably very confused because   one moment their caregiver was there in the next moment they were in the system so they were   trying to figure out what did they do wrong and why doesn’t that person love me anymore it must be   me because children really can’t see well you know mom is not able to function as a parent   right now or dad is having difficulty coping we want to help people better understand themselves   in their reactions so that when they start getting this urge to just cut all ties and be like you   know what fine you know I’ll take my ball and go home no problem what does that mean at there’s a   certain point in all relationships in all healthy relationships that you know sometimes people have   to distance themselves from one another because it’s becoming dysfunctional but for the most part, people will in relationships encounter hiccups will encounter disagreements but in   healthy relationships, they can work through them in relationships with people who fear   abandonment there are going to be two extremes there’s going to be complete compliance and   please don’t leave me or complete disengagement and whatever I don’t care the final thing we want   to do is help make people more conscious of what they’re doing so they can make healthy   decisions in their current relationships so when they get that urge to either comply or disengage   is that a healthy normative reaction right now or are you reacting out of your past experiences the abandonment experience in childhood survival depends on caregivers a four-year-old left alone   for five days is not going to do so well you know they may be able to scavenge food but   once the food runs out where do they get it you know there’s only so much that a child   can do an infant can’t even get their own food so survival depends on their caregivers and if   their caregivers fail to meet those needs there are high levels of anxiety and I will refer regularly   to caregivers who are emotionally unavailable and emotionally absent in addition to physically   unavailable or absent because some parents and I worked in the field of co-occurring disorders for   over two decades and some parents just they are so overwhelmed and so paralyzed by life itself they   can’t even attend to anything else that’s going on they’re doing good just to be breathing but   if they have a child and that child’s needs are getting neglected and fear of abandonment is a natural   survival response when your food source goes away what happens you start to freak the freak out so   this is normal we look at this and say that that’s that’s natural if a child thinks about the first   time you take a child to kindergarten or pre-k or daycare or whatever it is and you drop the   child off even if they’re securely attached what do they cry because they’re afraid that   mom or dad won’t come back and they’re afraid of this new situation that’s changed securely attached   children will you know adjust and then be happy to see mom or dad when they come back but the point   is there’s that initial oh crap reaction meeting biological needs and safety are key triggers for   anxiety at any age so we’re talking about housing we’re talking about safety we’re thinking about   Maslow’s hierarchy if somebody is not meeting the child’s needs or if the person is not getting   their needs met then they may have high levels of anxiety and I add to the safety concept not   only physical safety but also emotional safety people need to feel safe in their own heads and   they need to be free from emotional abuse when focused on survival people can’t focus elsewhere   so if they’re not getting their physical needs met guess what you know if you take somebody who   is in pain who is sick who is hungry and who is homeless are they going to work on self-esteem   are they going to work on relationship skills no, they’re focused on survival they need to have   those basic needs met they need to have a certain sense of security if they are in a situation that   is dangerous physically obviously they’re not going to be focusing on how can I better myself   when they’re worried about somebody coming in and hurting them physically likewise it’s hard to   focus on how can I better myself when everywhere they turn they perceive someone telling us you’re   not okay you’re stupid you’re lazy you’re bad you were the worst decision I ever made in my   life they can’t focus on personal growth when all they’re getting is these verbal beatdowns all the time so people need to have acceptance if they don’t have acceptance kind of the opposite of   acceptance is abandonment two kinds of extremes again we’ll bring it back to the middle every   stressful situation becomes a crisis the in securely attached child now you can go back to   and read Bowlby’s work on secure and all that kind of stuff great reading but for the short version   of this presentation remember that certs securely attached children feel anxiety when their parents   leave but then they can adjust and they’re happy to see the parents return in securely attached   children feel a great amount of anxiety when their parents leave and are terrified that mom or   dad won’t come back and then when mom or dad does come back it’s your very very clingy or very very   rejecting so with this child that’s in securely attached it’s just like one to a hundred as soon   as something happens that they think they may be abandoned you see this pattern again in adults who   are still struggling with these abandonment issues that schema that they’ve formed and I’m getting a   little ahead of myself that schema that they form says if you let this person at your site or if   this person disagrees with you or if this person criticizes you they’re rejecting you and they’re   going to abandon you so we want to you know check in with those cognitions and look for trying to   make those thoughts a little bit more helpful in infancy or early childhood if caregivers were away   for long periods of time because of work because of military, if they were in jail if they just   chose to be away or if they passed away children may experience some abandonment issues now if   the parents are away because a parent is a way because of work or military or even jail and the   other parent can help the child work through it there’s much less drama if you will there’s much   less issue with abandonment issues in totality now if it’s whatever parent it is if the pay, if the father happened to be the one, went away that person may have some residual issues with   adult figures in their life that they need to deal with but they may not know I’m not saying that   every child of a soldier or a service person is going to have abandonment issues that are so   not true however if the experiences of the time apart was not handled in a way where the child   felt secure then it could have consequences that are going into present-day if in early childhood   caregivers were inconsistently or unpredictably physically or emotionally present so think about   a parent who has major recurrent major depressive disorder addiction or is just ill-equipped to deal   with a child when I was working at the treatment center in Florida I had 14 15 16-year-old young   women coming in and having babies and you know what does a 14-year-old know about giving birth   and raising a child so it’s not that they weren’t necessarily trying you know they didn’t have great   role models raising them in most cases and so they don’t have anything to work with they don’t know   how to be a parent they’ve never been taught so it’s not always I don’t want to pathologize or   make the parents look like bad people because I believe that people do the best they can with   the tools they have at any given time parents don’t choose to be sucky parents sometimes it   happens but I really don’t believe they choose to anyhow off my soapbox in later childhood as the   child becomes elementary school middle school age if they’re a poor family fit or they feel   like they’re the black sheep they just don’t have the same beliefs that the other people do   they don’t seem to have the same interest that their family does they may not feel accepted   especially if the family’s going no that’s wrong to believe and invalidate them so going back to   that psychological safety if they’re constantly being told their ideas are stupid they’re wrong   they have the wrong point of view and they can feel very isolated something can happen that   ruptures the relationship with the primary care giver whether it’s abuse or you know some kind   of other trauma and introduction of a new less an emotionally or physically safe caregiver can also   lead to abandonment if the child feels like the biological caregiver chose a new spouse over him   or her say if you see where I’m going with that because if this new person comes in and is less   safe is abusive in some way emotionally physically sexually it doesn’t matter the child is going to   feel like they didn’t have a voice the child is going to feel like the biological caregiver   didn’t care and brought this other person in any way which leads to feelings of rejection   and abandonment so what are the reactions fight-or-flight whenever there’s a threat we   fall back to fight or flight or freeze but we’ll talk about that when there’s a threat our anxiety   goes up and we say in the past in these kinds of situations, if I fought, did I succeed if so then   we’ve got fights in the past did I succeed and if the answer’s no then the response is to flee pretty simply so anger towards someone who’s unavailable if they got angry and felt like it got them   some sort of acceptance from somewhere that might be the prevailing reaction sadness when someone   goes away a sense of helplessness this person just left me shame or self-anger about feeling   needy or about pushing someone away fears related to rejection and isolation, nobody will ever love my loss of control or the unknown everybody always leaves see how I’m using these extreme   words again and fear of failure I can’t maintain a relationship nobody wants to be with me because   I’m not good enough so the questions for clients in these situations what caused these fears as a   child so when someone starts to have these fears about a relationship if the relationship starts   to get rocking first question is what is it that you’re afraid of in this situation if you stay   together what is it that you’re afraid of if this the person leaves what is it you’re afraid of and how   likely is it that this person is going to leave based on whatever is going on right now so let’s   get some objective evidence here and another the tool you can use is the challenging questions   worksheet in cognitive processing therapy if you google it challenging questions worksheet   CPT or cognitive processing therapy really helps people walk through the logic in some of their   cognitions and identify some know unhelpful distortions so then after you figure out kind of   what the fear is then we say what caused that as a child in the past when you felt like this what   caused that and how was this reasonable or helpful you know in the past when you felt like this and   you reacted in anger what was the outcome and how was it helpful in some sort of way you know   did it get somebody to pay attention to you did it gets somebody to come comfort you, okay so you   were identifying the function of the current behaviors and then we want to say what causes   these fears now a lot of times it’s the same symp or similar stuff but we could say how are these   reactions now unhelpful because as independent you know adult-type people we can fend for ourselves   we can put food on the table we can go to work we can do we can function independently whereas this   is a child we couldn’t you know there were just some barriers to that does that mean again that   we should live in isolation and say well I don’t need anybody no that’s not what I’m   saying what I’m saying is is these fears that are overwhelming about abandonment that causes   people to push others away or cling on like you know whatever clings on uh are these reactions   helpful in the present day you know do you still need to hold on to people like there’s no tomorrow temperament based on their temperament children need different types and amounts of caregiver   interaction um some children are wide open and easily overstimulated you know my son was that   way when he was born well to this very day um when he’s awake he is like the Energizer Bunny   on methamphetamine I’m he’s just going going going and talking and talking to himself and   he needed a lot of structure and he would get overstimulated easily but we were able to help   him figure out how to handle that instead of getting mad at him for what seemed to be acting   out we were able to help him channel and figure out when he needed to take a break the introvert   may not need as much one-on-one attention with the caregiver may need a comforting word   here and there but they may not need the amount of the attention that an extrovert may need an extrovert   tends to need more interaction with parents with family with other people because they draw energy   and they think while they talk and they think while they talk with other people so they feel   a lot more isolated if they are isolated so we want to understand the person’s temperament and   how they may or may not have gotten their needs met how they may have been told they were wrong   and invalidated when they were younger and you can hear some of this is kind of going towards   Linda hands DBT environment um but what we want to look at what do you need now how can we create   an environment that’s accepting and welcoming to you now based on their needs and caregivers’ reactions children form schemas or core beliefs about the world and others so if they state their   opinion and it’s squashed or it’s ridiculed then they’re going to form this core belief that it   is not safe ever to share my opinions because I am always wrong now we’re talking about children here   but a lot of times think back for yourself there I think most of us have at least some all-or-nothing   dichotomous thoughts that come in every once in a while and you know we can catch them but if   these dichotomies go unaddressed the person starts feeling very lost and very abandoned because it’s all-or-nothing important points about children under 7 from 8 to 12 children are developing   alternative cognitive skills they’re starting to be able to think abstractly they’re   starting to be able to see the gray area and alternate explanations but even you know during   that period so zero to 12 children are having difficulty envisioning all the possibilities   so anything that happens before that we want to encourage them to look at the schemas that were   formed and challenge them to examine whether they are currently accurate and helpful children think   dichotomously when they’re that young it’s all or nothing it’s good or bad it’s not kind of sort   of something it is what it is I mean even think about thinking back to grades that we would get   it was satisfactory or unsatisfactory there was no ABCD F when we were in elementary school and   I don’t remember middle school then it was a dichotomous grading scale you either did it or you   didn’t children are egocentric so whatever happens they say what was it about me that made this   happen if mom’s in a bad mood what did I do if you know Mom is rejecting well that was stupid I’m   stupid children are very egocentric so you take all or nothing combined with all about me and you   can see we’re creating the perfect storm of children can only focus on one aspect at a time when I work   with adult clients you know they come in and they tell me that they had an interaction with their   boss he was walking down the hall and he was in a bad mood and I just knew I did something and so   we talked about that and I’m like how do you know that because he had it he had angry look on his   face okay what are some other possibilities what else might have been going on with him at that   point in time and a lot of times we can brainstorm ideas about a call he just got or where they just   left a meeting that didn’t go so well or who knows what else in this day and time when we’ve   got our cell phones and PDAs and everything there are a lot of things that can trigger a   mood besides just whoever you pass in the hallway children can’t think about those other things that   might have triggered the mood they see somebody unhappy and they’re like I’m sorry um so we want   to encourage as adults we want to encourage them to say all right what are the other possibilities even as children I try to work with my kids to encourage them to look at alternate reasons   why somebody may be acting a certain way children can’t think abstractly and consider those possible   options um even with kids you know knee-high to a grasshopper, if you’re in a situation and   maybe in a store and somebody behaves not kindly to you, you can talk about that later with the kids   and say you know that was kind of unpleasant to go through what you think might have caused that   and brainstorm three ideas my favorite number is three I don’t know why but brainstorm three ideas   for alternate explanations for why that person may have been in an unpleasant mood if children   learn to do this when they’re younger it’s a a lot easier to transition to as adults schemas   are a broad way of perceiving things based on memories feelings and thoughts basically it’s   our go-to perception of what something’s going to be like we have schemas about everything if   you go to church you have a schema about what’s going to happen when you go to your mother’s   house you have a schema about how mom’s going to behave and what’s going to happen we form these   it’s our brain’s short shortcut instead of having to analyze every situation it says oh I remember   this been here before it’s probably going to be like X Y Z unfortunately sometimes things change   and one of the things we see in addictions treatment as is as caregivers into recovery and   really get a hold on it and start working that a new way of life and sobriety and all that stuff   old family members or family members still expect that old behavior they have that schema that when   Jane comes in this is what’s going to happen because they’re remembering how she behaved and   acted in her addictive self so we want to help people identify their schemas and check them   sometimes they’re still accurate sometimes not so much schemas that trigger abandonment fear center   around the cell acceptability is this person going to like me which is one of the reasons we do a lot   of self-esteem work in reducing abandonment fears because we want to reduce the need for people to   solicit external validation we want them to say I’m all that and a bag of chips and I would love   to play with you but if you don’t want to play I’m okay with that love ability if they were   told they were unlovable if they perceived they were unlovable then in the present they   may fear isolation they may fear that they’re not lovable so they will try to do whatever they can   or likewise they will build a lead wall that is 5 feet thick all the way around them so nobody can   hurt them they may have fears about their own the competence you know thinking back to Erikson   you never thought some of these theorists from the past would keep coming up even in current practice   but they do if a child going through that period of industry versus inferiority Erik Erikson’s   stages of psychosocial development and they felt like a failure, all the time or they were never   good enough the parents never recognized their positive achievements then they may question their   own competence and feel like a failure if they feel like a failure they may feel they may believe   that nobody wants to be around them so they will leave so if I fail they will leave and fears may   center around adaptability some people are not able to tolerate any loss of control they’re just   like that they’re holding on with a death grip to the relationship to anything that’s going on and   it starts to go wonky they are going to freak out so we want to look at what it means if you’re   not in control of everything what does it mean if you trust that this person is going to do the   next right thing if you are doing the next right thing as well schemas that trigger abandonment   fears can also be sent around center around others if someone is rejecting distant cold or is unable to   handle the person’s needs then the person may not feel acceptable so if they are in relationships   with people like this then we need to look at is Is it you who’s not acceptable or is something else   going on with that person that may be making them unable to deal with anybody else’s stuff   right now the person may feel isolated if other people are absent if people fail to keep promises   they may feel like nobody’s ever there for them competence if other people are always critical   then the person will question their own competence and if others are unpredictable a lot of the time   when people who have anxiety about abandonment they come from situations where other people have   not been predictable or if they were they were unpredictably absent and relationship of self to   others if they are afraid about their ability to relate with others if they’re afraid of rejection   if they’re afraid that if they start to love they will be rejected and then they will be isolated   forever if they are afraid of the unknown and they I just want consistency more than anything and   as soon as consistency starts to waver a little a bit because as we grow things change and people   with abandonment issues don’t like things to change because that’s not predictable and that’s   not consistent so they may have difficulty if one the person starts to change what they do I see this   a lot not saying that it’s an abandonment issue necessarily but when law enforcement officers   retire you know because they can retire after 20 years so they may start a new career and   that causes a lot of change schedule changes they’re not law enforcement anymore and the   spouse sometimes has culty adjusting to it as does the retired officer but controllability   if the person holds on to relationships and everything in their life with white knuckles   because they’re so afraid if they let go of control that they are going to disappear or   disintegrate then if something seems like it’s not in their control, it’s going to be a catastrophe so attachment Styles secure if there’s an emotionally available caregiver the child   will seek the caregiver for comfort and guess what the caregiver will be there and will more   often than not meet the need for comfort with the the correct type of comfort so hungry cold scared kind   of following the child’s upset when the caregiver leaves especially in new situations but the child   gets over it it’s not a child that’s going to sit there and cry for eight hours and then the child’s   happy when the caregiver returns in this kind of attachment the child learns to trust others will   be responsive to their needs and validate their needs a child learns to be self-reliant and try   new things but if they fail they know they can return to the home base they can go out and go well   that didn’t go as planned and the caregiver will be there to say alright let’s figure out what to do   next not you are such a failure the child learns to adapt to a variety of situations because when   they’ve been faced with something that’s a little scary caregivers been there to kind of coach them   on and go you got this it’s scary I got it but you can do it the child learns to deal with   stress because the caregivers are there to coach them or to process it with them afterward because the   caregiver is not always physically there but if you’ve got children you know sometimes they’ll   come home from school and they’ve had a really bad day and you’d pull them aside and go you know   what’s going on let’s talk about it so in this way the child learns to deal with stress and the child   learns to have accurate expectations of others in the secure attachment, emotionally available   situation remember children are egocentric so if mom’s upset the child goes what did I do or   oh my gosh I hope mom’s not going to leave in a secure situation sometimes the parent has to   say something like mommy had a really bad day at work today has nothing to do with you I need to go   take a timeout that helps a child understand that you know what it’s not all about me and   I can understand that sometimes moms upset for something besides me and I can understand that   if moms up said it doesn’t mean she’s going to leave so obviously this is the ideal situation   avoidant attachment styles the rejecting or harsh caregiver the person depends less on the caregiver   for security because every time they go saying, mom mom, I had a nightmare can I come into bed with you   they’re met with going back to your own bed and the caregiver rolls over it’s not oh I’m sorry you had   a nightmare let me walk you back to your room when the child is separated from the caregiver   there’s little response when the caregiver leaves or returns because the kids like what uses that   person to me the child learns not to depend on a caregiver for comfort connection or security   now imagine yourself a four-year-old child or a six-year-old child thinking I can’t count on my   caregivers for comfort connection or security that must be a terrifying place to be and I   can see why you would develop some pretty strong defense mechanisms the ambivalent relationship between the   cave caregiver is inconsistent or can bow can’t talk caregiver is inconsistent or chaotic this   is really true in a lot of homes where there are at least one parent who is battling some sort of   addiction or mental health issue so the parent may or may not be available you don’t know what   the good days are going to be you don’t know what the bad days are going to be so the child may be   anxious and afraid to try new things or explore because they’re like things are going good right   now I don’t want to top will be an applecart just going to sit here and ride it out a child may be   clinging and demanding trying to elicit a response remembering negative attention is better than no   attention at all and the child is upset when the caregiver leaves but also inconsolable when the   caregiver returns because you know I was upset I was scared you went away but you came back and   that’s good but I don’t know when you’re going to go away again and if you’re going to come   back so it’s this constant anxiety of abandonment core abandonment beliefs all people leave so we   want to challenge that by identifying exceptions mistrust people will hurt reject take advantage   of me or just not be there when I need them you know what that’s true sometimes because people   have their own stuff so when this happens let’s look at whether it’s happening all the time and/or   let’s also look at what else might be going on with that person that caused them to hurt reject   take advantage or not be there when you needed the emotional deprivation I never get the love I   need nobody understands me cares about me or even ever tries to meet my needs here how dramatic and   extreme that is so one of the things as clinicians we can do is say if you are getting the   love you needed what would it look like what would be different what is it that you need   that you’re not getting once we identify then we can create a plan to get it but a lot   of times other people don’t understand or may not be able to interpret what you need so let’s help   let’s try to figure out how to make this happen nobody understands me alright let’s talk about   why that might be and you know let’s look at some people who’ve kind of gotten a grasp sometimes   with clients with abandonment beliefs nobody understands me translates to I don’t give a buddy   a chance and I cut them off as soon as they become confused and because they associate confusion with the rejection so we might talk about communication skills we might work on what it is that people   don’t understand and how to better communicate that and where to find people who have similar   interests nobody ever even tries to meet my needs you know here I would really look for exceptions   but I would also challenge the person and I would say when do you meet your needs what do you do   to take care of yourself a lot of times clients with abandonment beliefs are so freaked   out and afraid of being abandoned that they’re not taking care of themselves either they’re   just living and are paralyzed going back to fight flee or freeze they’re living a paralyzed state   of I want to be loved but if I love I’m gonna get hurt and I don’t know what to do they don’t even   love themselves so we want to start talking about if you had your best friend you know create this   best friend persona what would he or she say to you what would he or she do right now let’s try to   help you understand yourself with mindfulness exercises are really good here because a lot of times these   clients don’t understand themselves they’ve got so much anxiety they’re so afraid and they don’t   know where it’s coming from because a lot of it has been going on for so long defectiveness   if people knew me they would reject me you know not everybody’s going to like you why do you need   everybody to like you why is it important that everybody likes you and failure I don’t measure   up and I’m not able to succeed I usually put pull out the obnoxious quote that if you haven’t failed   you haven’t tried and we talked about what it means to get outside your comfort zone and you’re   not going to be perfect at everything you’re not going to be Michael Phelps you’re not going to be   the president of the United States that doesn’t mean that you’re a failure that definitely   doesn’t mean you’re a failure so what things are you good at what can you and have you succeeded at and   go back and look over things like you graduated high school, not everybody does that you know   raised a family not everybody does that so we want to challenge all nothing’ languages we   want to look for exceptions and we want to look for in what ways can you provide yourself the   validation so you don’t fear abandonment you don’t need other people to tell you you’re okay because   guess what you’re telling yourself I’m okay and before I go on to unhelpful reactions I do want   to point out that if we tell people to tell themselves you know I’m okay that sounds great   but if they don’t believe it if it’s not supported with evidence, it’s actually probably going to slow   their growth because they’re sitting there going telling themselves I’m okay and in the back of   their head going you know you’re not so we need to get that internal critical voice to kind of   hush up by providing the person with the objective evidence of why they’re okay why they’re good   enough and that’s a slow process it’s not going to happen overnight but encourage people to figure   out why they believe what they believe and then you can work from there okay unhelpful reactions   fighting with someone you don’t want to leave me because so the person may engage in dominant   sort of posturing behavior aggression hostility blaming and criticizing trying to tear down the   other person to say you know what I don’t care and you should be grateful that I’m in your life recognition seeking to get attention validation or approval so if they feel something’s going   wrong in a relationship they may start trying to do something to gain recognition to prove that   they’re worthy of a relationship for what they do versus who they are manipulation and exploitation   said lying justifying I did this because you made me so sometimes we all occasionally do things that   aren’t the nicest people who fear abandonment have difficulty saying you know what I screwed   up and they’re more likely to go you made me do I wouldn’t have done it if you would have X   Y & Z people again who are worried about a relationship is going to fall apart and may also make excuses for   other people’s inappropriate behavior it’s like you know I really hate what this person does but   if I don’t make excuses for it if I condemn it then this person is going to leave in counseling   we can talk about the difference between loving a person and loving a person’s behavior you know I   love my kids to death there is no question about that but some of their behavior makes me want to   climb a wall I’m very clear to separate from them the difference between the behavior that I dislike   and them because you know like I said I love them to pieces and we want to help people start making   this differentiation if they don’t do it already and clinging and chasing is the other fight   reaction stalking and messaging somebody 47 times on Facebook in an hour all these kinds of behaviors   and even online bullying those sorts of things can be fight reactions in response to feeling like   there’s a threat of abandonment flight is more of the I don’t care if you leave so the person   will withdraw physically and emotionally and maybe even numb themselves with some sort of   addictive behavior or distract themselves with something completely different or find a new   person just proof that you know what I didn’t need you because I’ve got this new person now questions for clients about core beliefs all people leave okay so what does it look   like if somebody’s available to you if they don’t abandon you who in your past left you   or was unavailable emotionally now a lot of I find it helpful for mental health   and addiction clients to have them write an autobiography because then we can go back   and kind of review it and identify the core people at certain stages in a person’s life what did the person who left you do to make you feel rejected or abandoned in retrospect   you know it was hard to see the difference what was going on back then because you were a kid in   retrospect what are the alternate explanations for why this may have happened was it really   you or was it more about them who in your past has been available to you emotionally most of   the time people can point to one maybe two people who have generally been there it’s unreasonable to   expect someone to always be there who in your present is available to you emotionally you   know maybe they’ve only been in your life for six months or a year but they are available and I say   emotionally because you know not everybody can be available physically all the time we’ve got   jobs kids all that kind of stuff but can you pick up the phone and call them or text them and say   hey you know what I’m really struggling right now what do you do in your current relationships that cause people to leave do you push them away if so how what are alternatives to pushing them away cutting all ties and just saying fine be that way I wipe my hands off you if you cling how do you do  this in what ways do you perceive yourself as being clinging and what are some alternatives   to holding on with all desperation and mistrust people will hurt reject or take advantage of me or just   not be there when I need them so again what does it looks like when somebody’s or what does it feel   like when someone is trustworthy and safe who in your past was untrustworthy or unsafe what do they   do they taught you this and what are alternate explanations who in your past has been trustworthy  and safe who in your present is available and trustworthy what do you do to yourself that   is unsafe or dishonest that’s one of those tricky questions you’re there talking about other people   other people then it’s like what do you do to yourself how do you lie to your  self or how are you mean and hateful to yourself how does your distrust of other people or even  yourself impact your current relationships some people distrust their own internal intuition so  much that they don’t want to make friends with other people they’re like I can’t tell who’s  going to hurt me and who won’t so just yeah I’m going to wipe my hands of it all what could you  do differently what do you think you could do in order to start building trust and what does  it look like to build trust because Trust doesn’t just appear it builds gradually emotional deaths  deprivation I don’t get the love I need nobody understands me so again what does it look like  when somebody understands you and meets your needs who in the past failed to meet your needs  emotionally and how can you deal with that now you know it may have been mom it may have been   ex-husband it may have been you know who knows how can you deal with it now yourself so you can   put it to rest who in your past is understood you who in your present understands you how   can you start again better understanding yourself because it’s hard for other people to understand   us when we don’t even understand ourselves and what can you do to start getting your needs met you one of the things was starting to get your own needs met is to figure out what your needs are and   this is one of the exercises I have people do as a homework assignment they keep track of what is   it they want on a daily basis keep a log and then let’s talk about what common themes were seeing   if people knew me they would reject me okay so how do you know when you’re accepted or acceptable to   someone who when you’re past may make you feel defective are there alternate explanations and   how can you silence those old tapes because that person that statement stays as a heckler   in the gallery we need to hush the heckler what can you do part of it could be talking back and   saying you know what I’m not going to listen or I don’t have time for this right now who’s   been accepting and supportive who is in your life that’s accepting and supportive and how can you   start accepting yourself and being compassionate so some compassion focus training mindfulness work   to help people understand themselves and start being compassionate with themselves understanding   their vulnerabilities and cutting themselves some slack I don’t measure up I’m not able to succeed   okay that’s a pretty big success you know what is what success means success means different   things to different people so what does it look like to you to be successful let’s kind of hammer  that out what is it if you are successful what would be different what in your past has made  you feel like a failure what are some alternate ways of viewing it such as a learning experience  or something I had to go through to grow or you know brainstorming alternate explanations for   why people fail they don’t have a response to sometimes I ask them to kind of take on   a flip role and say pretend you’re a parent and your child comes home and they’ve tried out for   the football team and they didn’t make the team they failed what are you going to tell on what   have you succeeded at doing in the past what are you good at in the present and we really want to   pay attention to minimization here because a a lot of our clients are not good at identifying   their strengths what does being successful mean in terms of your relationship with others do you have   to be successful in order to be loved and be a the good relationship you know obviously you’re going   to be successful in a relationship if you’re but do you have to be financially successful and powerful all whatever you define success as in order to be in healthy relationships who are   three successful people you know and what makes them successful in your eyes does success equal  happiness you can do a whole group on that and what do your kids need to do to be successful  in life you know we want our kids to succeed in us want our kids to be happy so what is it that I  envision my child’s life to be 10 to 15 years from now triggering relationships the abandoner is  unpredictable unstable and unavailable the an abusive relationship is untrustworthy and  unsafe the deprived err depriving relationship the a person is detached or withholding the Devastator  is always judgmental rejecting and critical and the critic is critical and narcissistic usually   a lot of times people replay their past to try to kind of get it right the second time so we want   to look at do you have a habit of getting into relationships with people who are not safe we can   also ask them how do you exhibit these behaviors in what ways are these behaviors present your   current relationships and in what ways were these present and your primary caregiver relationships behavioral triggers abandonment and mistrust if somebody starts acting differently they change  their behavior in some way a person who fears abandonment goes oh that’s not good if they’re   not getting constant reassurance that’s that external validation can trigger   abandonment fears so again we want to work on internal validation and why is it that you   feel you need constant reassurance from the other person’s relationships feel threatening so   work relationships those sorts of things the a person who has abandonment issues won’t want   their significant other around other people and they become hyper-vigilant to rejection   and disconnection even if it’s just somebody going I had a really bad day I need 20 minutes  and go into the room and shut the door the person with abandonment issues will likely   have a high level of anxiety so we want to ask how these behaviors have threatened them in the   past what are alternate explanations for why this is happening with this person right now and what   would be a helpful reaction to these behaviors now so this is happening what would be a helpful   reaction instead of assuming that the sky is going to fall defectiveness and failure so if   somebody is critical if they have unexplained time apart there’s absent or inconsistent reassurance   or if the person tells them they’re a failure these or they fail at something these could   all be behavioral triggers they could be like I failed at something I’m not getting reassurance that this relationship fixing to end question how is this threatened you in the past alternate   explanations and what would be a helpful reaction to this particular situation right now envisioning activity what does a healthy the relationship looks like presence versus abandonment   acceptance versus rejection emotional support versus emotional unavailability trustworthy   versus untrustworthy and safe versus harmful these are extremes what does it look like to   be a middle ground there are going to be exceptions you know things are going to happen so what does   a healthy relationship look like and how to do you deal with exceptions if somebody’s not always   present how can you create this relationship with yourself that’s the big one and then how can you   create this relationship with others’ mindfulness questions what am I feeling what’s triggering it   am I safe right now and if not what do I need to is this bringing up something from the past if   so how is this different how am I different then I was when I was six or four and how   can I silence my inner critic finally what would be a helpful reaction that would move me  more toward my goals and toward a positive emotional experience summary core beliefs  about the self and others are formed in early life due to children’s lack of knowledge of other  experiences and primitive cognitive abilities these core beliefs are often very dichotomous   core beliefs can be formed around events or experiences outside of the conscious memory   identifying and being mindful of abandonment triggers in the present can help people choose   alternate more helpful ways of responding in the present in secure and loved me   don’t leave me are two really excellent books there are google previews if you want to look   at them to see if it’s something that you like but they do take what we talked about in this   presentation and expand upon it a whole bunch more if you enjoy this podcast please like and   subscribe either in your podcast player or on YouTube you can attend and participate in our   live webinars with doctor Snipes by subscribing at all CEUs comm slash counselor toolbox, this   episode has been brought to you in part by all CEUs com provides 24/7 multimedia continuing   education and pre-certification training to counselors 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Triggers in Addiction and Mental Health: Strategies to Reduce Depression, Anxiety and Anger

Please click on the SUBSCRIBE link and the BELL to be notified each week when we release new videos. Sponsored by TherapyNotes.com Manage your practice securely and efficiently. Two free months of TherapyNotes with coupon code “CEU”CEUs related to this presentation are available at https://www.allceus.com/member/cart/index/product/id/465/c/Triggers are things that make you feel a certain way or want to do certain things. Negative triggers can prompt feelings of sadness, depression, anxiety or anger. Positive triggers help us feel happy, energized and increase our confidence.Also check out our other podcasts, Happiness Isn’t Brain Surgery and Addiction Counselor Exam ReviewAllCEUs provides multimedia #counseloreducation and CEUs for LPCs, LMHCs, LMFTs and LCSWs as well as #addiction counselor precertification training and continuing education for NAADAC and adacb. Live, Interactive Webinars ($5) Unlimited Counseling CEs for $59 Specialty Certificates starting at $89 including #AddictionCounselor #RecoveryCoach #PeerSupportSpecialist #TraumaInformedCare #BHT #Etherapy#AllCEUs courses are accepted in most states because we are approved as an education provider for NAADAC, the States of Florida and Texas Boards of Social Work and Mental Health/Professional Counseling, the California Consortium for Addiction Professionals and Professions, the Australian Counselling Association, National Counsel for Therapeutic Recreation Certification NCTRC, CRCC, PA Certification Board, Canadian Counselling and Psychotherapy Association and more. and more…#DrDawnEliseSnipes provides training through #allceus that are helpful for #LPCCEUs #LMHCCEUs #LCPCCEUs #LSWCEUs #LCSWCEUs #LMFTCEUs #CRCCEUs #LADCCEUs #CADCCEUs #MACCEUs #CAPCEUs #NCCCEUS #LCDCCEUs #CPRSCEUs #CTRSCEUs and more. nbcc