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Is gonna pick up if you are in a household where you know you’re in college and
you’ve got four other roommates and all of your your other roommates tend to be
negative and naysayers you’re either probably going to move or you may that
might start wearing off on you a little bit likewise if they are you know all
kinds of go-getters that can wear off on you too so you know there’s going to be
an impact risk factor is peer and family reinforcement of negative or unhealthy
norms and expectations so if your family says you know people suck they’re
always going to take advantage of you what are you going to take away from
that and is that going to contribute to you probably having difficulties with
trusting and maybe developing depression possibly so we want to look at what kind
of messages is the peer group or family sending to the individual that may
contribute to the development of mood or anxiety disorders early sexual activity
among peers could communicate that well this is the norm so everybody’s doing it
ties to deviant peers and gang involvement you know especially at that
particular group there’s a lot of pressure to conform or there’s a
negative consequences family members who don’t spend much time together and this
could be because parents work a lot this could be because everybody’s you know
involved in all kinds of other stuff but they found that
when families are disengaged the parents tend to miss out on subtle cues when
families are disengaged even if they don’t have children in the mix that
there tends to be a weakening of those bonds supportive bonds so people
are at higher risk for development of depression and anxiety because they
don’t have that you know everybody’s behind me sort of feeling parents who
have trouble keeping track of youth can indicate that the youth may be at risk
for developing substance or more mood disorders lack of clear rules and
consequences you think about even just being at work when there’s a lack of
clear rules and consequences you don’t exactly know what you’re supposed to do
I know for me that creates doodles of anxiety I like manuals and to date
pretty much every job I’ve ever taken I’ve walked in and there hasn’t been a
manual and I’ve been like okay there must be a manual written and that’s been
my first thing now I’m kind of on the structured side so I don’t expect
everybody is that way but most of us tend to experience a little bit of
anxiety about failure about acceptance if we don’t know what’s expected so it’s
important whether it’s a family or a job situation to make sure there’s clear
rules and consequences you know what’s expected and what’s going to happen if
you mess up or if you don’t meet this expectation there also needs to be
consistent expectations and limits you know when people especially children but
a lot of us tested our limits when we were kids and even as adults you know I
know you know going back to working in organizations I would have staff who
would test limits and see how long they could go without turning in a progress
note before I’d be knocking on their door going paperwork it’s natural for
people to kind of test limits especially with stuff they don’t want to do stuff
that’s not rewarding family conflict and abuse can cause a high risk of depression
and anxiety whether adults or children I mean if there’s a
a lot of conflict and chaos it’s exhausting and it can cause a lot of
dysphoric emotions and loss of employment that’s kind of
self-explanatory protective factors close family relationships so as
clinicians we can encourage people to identify who they consider their family
it may not be their blood relatives or their family who are there for them
who can they call it 2:00 in the morning and how can they nurture those
relationships encourage people to develop relationships with peers that
are involved in pro-social activities like hiking or volunteering in the
community consistency of parenting is important in terms of producing children
who are who are stronger healthier more resilient encouraging education and
parents who are actively involved can help prevent future depression because
they’re creating children who can join the workforce and have that
individual capital to prevent depression and anxiety and cope with stress
positively and this is a family protective factor and a peer for
protective factor why because we learn from observation so if our peers cope
with stress positively by prayer or exercise or whatever it is they do and
our family has other positive ways of coping with stress and we’re going to
have a greater venue of stuff to choose from supportive relationships with
caring for adults beyond the immediate family is encouraged so we want
children to grow up being able to interact with teachers coaches with
you know Scout leaders whomever and start seeing that people outside of the
nuclear family are trustworthy sharing and family responsibilities including
chores and decision making and that’s true for children teenagers and even
adults you know if you’re living in the same household it
important that everybody feels like they have a say in what’s happening
and participates in the upkeep of the family environment and family
members are nurturing and support each other and this is one where I tend to
stop and I do a love languages little mini class to help people remember that
we don’t always experience nurturance in the same way so understanding one
another’s love language is really important to be able to nurture in a
way that’s meaningful to that other person peer and family interventions are
designed to identify norms goals and expectations in the family foster family
problem-solving skills so there’s not just one person always fixing it develop
structure and consistency within the family unit promote healthy
relationships and engage peers and family of choice in the recovery process
so if somebody’s already depressed we need to be able to hopefully engage
everybody that’s involved in this person’s immediate environment in
helping them move towards recovery and you know preferably not dragging them
back down so we want to engage them and make sure that people have a supportive
others school and work risk factors lack of clear expectations both academic or
performance-wise and behavioral lack of commitment or sense of belonging at
school or at work if you just kind of go and you feel like a number you punch in
punch out that may not make you feel appreciated which can contribute
to depression and you know just bad feelings high numbers of students
failing academically at school and work translates to high amounts of
turnover if you never know who’s going to get laid off it increases stress and
anxiety and parents and community members who are not actively involved
in keeping kids in school and helping make sure that the workforce workforce
is strong but we want to make sure that people have access to how
when it’s needed we want to make sure that people have access to tutoring in
school if they need it to prevent failing school they have access to
transportation to get to work now those are things those are meta concepts that
are more on the community level but it’s important that as a community member you
know we look at different things that we may be able to participate in advocacy
and say you know it’s really important to get a bus system going I live out
about 30 miles east of Nashville and we must have the
the train that goes from my city out to Nashville so people have
access to more jobs so that was important for us to get past the City
Commission protective factors school and work positive attitudes gotta find a
reason why you’re doing this you know and sometimes it’s hard to find a reason
for algebra but we need to help kids find a reason for that we need to help
adults find a reason for why they’re going to work why are they doing what
they’re doing regular attendance shows you know it is associated with higher
mood less less risk of mood or addictive disorders because you’re able to get up
and do it and interface with people and get that social support hopefully from
your colleague’s high expectations are communicated effectively in setting
and positive social development is encouraged you know whether it’s at work
or at school, there are goals there are things you’ve got to accomplish there
are performance objectives but we also want to encourage morale and positive
social bonding whatever the setting having a positive instructional climate
again whether at work or school, I know we learn things when we’re on the
job we learn things and I don’t want people to feel like they’re having
difficulty like they’re stupid I want people to feel like anything that we
teach them as a challenge and something that may be beneficial down the road
leadership and decision-making opportunities are really important again
for students or employees to prevent burnout keep morale up reduce
anxiety and increase a sense of personal empower
and connection and active involvement for everybody is fostered and the school or
organization is responsive to the student’s needs making sure that in
school in the case of school they have access to tutoring resources it’s a safe
environment for them to be in and the children that are going to that school
have enough food in their bellies you know they can’t learn if they’re
hungry all the time workplace is a little bit different but we still need
to be responsive to people’s needs in terms of you know family requirements
whether they need to if they’re going back to school
shifting schedules a little bit we need to try to work with people instead of
being completely rigid and it’s my way or the highway when possible to
promote the best mental health characteristics of settings in which
relationships are often associated with the development of mood disorders and
addictive behaviors so we want to look at the characteristics of schools that are
they safe are they positive environments are they cheering squads or are they
places where people know they’re gonna go and get thrown under the bus
same thing with workplaces you know when you walk into a place you get most of
we get a sense and you’re either like oh this is a cool place to work or oh I
can’t wait til I can get out of here you know we want to go toward the
other end and neighborhoods when you go into a neighborhood – people take care
of their environment do they or do they have trash strewn all over their lawn
all of these things communicate how people feel about their environment and
generally how they feel about themselves and whether they have the energy to take
care of stuff or they just feel completely disenfranchised and don’t
care more about community risk factors no sense of
connection to the community neighborhood disorganization rapid changes high
unemployment a lack of strong social institutions lack of monitoring of youths
activities imbalanced media portrayals of safety health and appropriate
behavior misleading advertising and alcohol or drugs readily available
a lot of stuff we do we’re not going to be able to affect on the community level
so much but we’re gonna hit them real quick we want to improve the climate
process and policies within community schools and workplaces to make it safe and
promote positive health behaviors prevention strategies are designed to
reduce social isolation reduce and address stigma increase awareness of
local recovery models you know who’s out there that has recovered and can serve
as a role model improve economic and housing opportunities so people have a
house a safe roof over their head and they can you know earn money and feel
good about themselves increasing the accuracy and improving the positivity of
media messages and increasing physical and financial ability availability of
recovery so like I said I live in a little town so it’s nice that we have
a community mental health center here so people don’t have to rely on going into
Nashville but also making sure that services are financially available
whether you have a free clinic once a month or you know make sure you’ll you
take Medicaid but there are still a lot of people who have no insurance so where do
they go the socio-ecological model identifies
how the end the individual impacts and is impacted by not only his own
characteristics but also those of family peers community and culture prevention
takes the form of preventing the problem preventing the worsening of the problem and
preventing associated fallout like I said as clinicians a lot of what we’re
going to do is target the individual providing them with resiliency skills to deal
with some of this adversity that might be around them and to help them sort
through some of those media messages and go yeah
that’s not even true you know if I drink this vodka I’m not suddenly going to
have 14 supermodels hanging on me or whatever it is that’s being communicated
so encouraging people to be informed and Wylie consumers any change in the
the system will affect other parts of this system so if it’s a
positive change is probably going to have positive changes negative has
negative changes addressing addictive and mood disorder behaviors require a
the multi-pronged approach we need to look at the individual and you know provide
provide as many skills as possible there because that’s where we’re going to have
a lot of our impact especially in prevention but we also need to
realize that this person resides within a family you know whether they live
alone which sometimes is less problematic or they live in a household
with other people, we need to make sure that where they lay their heads at night
where they spend their non-working hours feel safe and is conducive to recovery
where they work or go to school also needs to feel safe and be conducive to
recovery and that’s part of the community so we need to kind of look at
these areas and if they aren’t safe or they don’t feel safe or aren’t conducive
to recovery, we need to help people how to figure out how they can fix that or
address it like I said they may not be able to move so what can you do to set
some boundaries to create as much safety as you can how can you do this and there
are a lot of different techniques that I’m sure you already have that you used
to help people but it’s important again not to just focus on the individual
because they don’t live in a bubble we need to look at everything right and are
Are there any questions now we have or I have added a Wednesday
class, so you don’t don’t have to come but if you have unlimited
membership same time same station Wednesday so Tuesday Wednesday and
Thursday we have a class from noon. CST 1 p.m. EST 2 for an hour all righty I will talk to y’all maybe
tomorrow maybe on Thursday have a great day if you enjoy this podcast please like
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If it was your best friend’s experience your best friend came to you and said I
just got into such-and-such college would you say awesome or would you say
anybody can get in there how would that go ask them what is scary about
accepting these positive things that you might have had an
accomplishment for some people it means that it might mean other people expect
more of them for other people they just don’t know how to accept the positive
They don’t know how to accept compliments they don’t know how to be
the center of attention and they don’t like it and then we want to look at why
that is sometimes we disqualify the positive because it fails to meet
someone else’s standards so as people might that be true here you know I know
When I was growing up and going through college and going through school and
everything got my doctorate but I will always not being not
a real doctor because a Ph.D. is not an MD and I’m like really
So is it somebody else’s standards or can I feel good about having a Ph.D. egocentrism My perspective is the only
perspective I’ll being egocentric but it doesn’t work
most of the time so encouraging people to take alternate perspectives
Maybe you’re texting with someone and they say something that is not what you
interpret as not the nicest thing and this happens in text messages a lot and
they get upset now an egocentric thinking error would say that purse is
just grumpy today Someone who’s taking other perspectives would stop and go
back and read the text and go I wonder if maybe this could have been taken some
other another you know obvious reaction is not what I intended
So egocentrism if you hold on to that I don’t understand anybody else because
You know I don’t see a problem with anything personalizing and mind-reading This is when you assume that everybody’s
frowning because of something you did your boss walks down the hallway
and looks at you and grimaces and continues to walk on oh I must have done
something wrong No maybe he just got out of his senior management meeting that
was five hours long and he’s got to go to the bathroom you know there could be
a hundred different explanations for why that happened so encourage clients to
ask themselves what some alternate explanations for this event that are
doesn’t involve me you know why this might have happened if they hold
on to that, I must have done something wrong but as soon as their boss calls
them up and goes hey can you come to my office for a second you know where their
thoughts are going to go I’m getting fired I’m going to get laid off I don’t
know what it was that I did wrong but he walked by me two weeks ago in the
hallway and grimaced and I’m just I’m the worst person in the whole world
But where did that come from so encouraging people to not necessarily
assume they know what’s going on in someone else’s mind and not
automatically attributing every person’s negative behavior to something they did
How often and then ask them how often has it been about you
now think about the last 10 times you’ve taken something personally how many of
Those 10 times has it been about something you did versus something with
the other person then the availability heuristic remembering what’s most
prominent in your mind so asking clients what the facts ah the most obvious
One that we talk about is plane crashes You know it is very dangerous to fly on a
plane because you hear about all those plane crashes well yeah you hear about
the airlines crashes but don’t hear about the 20,000 every day that land
safely so you remember it and it seems more dangerous because that’s what is in
your mind that’s what is available to you that’s what you’ve based your
thought processes on because maybe you didn’t know that 20,000 planes or more
fly and land just perfectly every day this can also be true with people
remembering what’s most prominent in your mind sometimes and this can be very
very true in domestically violent relationships if somebody falls in love
with someone and that person is just the greatest person since sliced bread for
the first four months and then the cycle starts and there’s this little tiny
a sliver of the honeymoon period after the battering cycle and the person’s like
That’s the person I fell in love with that’s what I remember and they try to
focus on that that’s most prominent in their mind and they ignore the rest of
the stuff so we need to encourage people to look objectively at the facts magnifying high and
low probability outcomes what are the chances that this is going to happen how
Many clients have worked with have gone to the doctor and gotten into a
physical or get a test run and then the doctor had to call them back and
This could be true for you too and the doctor had to call them back two or
Three days later when the tests came back from the lab and that whole three
days they were just in a panic because they
were afraid they were going to get some terminal diagnosis so thinking about
high and low probability outcomes another instance or example of
magnification is somebody that thinks this is the end of the world whatever it
I think I’ve told you before my little story about um tripping when I
was walking down the hall at work and falling and yeah it was embarrassing my
folders went everywhere and yeah but in that big scheme of things will it matter
That much from now you know are people going to think Oh she is such a clutch she
must be a ditz too no I mean they may have thought that at that time I don’t
know but you know in six months nobody’s going to remember and then ask them in
the past when something like this has happened when you’ve had to get a test
done and you’ve had to wait on results or if you’ve done something that was
embarrassing and you didn’t think you thought everybody was going to remember
it forever how did you tolerate it how did you learn to deal with it building
on those strengths that they already have all-or-nothing thinking errors
These are things like love versus hate I love them or I hate them it’s all or
Nothing she does this all the time or she never does it if I’m going to do it
I’m going to do it perfectly or I’m not going to do it at all thank you all good
intentions or all bad intentions you know sometimes we do things with good
intentions that have some bad repercussions so did we do it with all
Bad intentions are all good intentions and the answer is neither most of the
time life is kind of in that middle-ground gray area encouraging clients to
Look and find examples where something hasn’t been one of the polls when have
they done something that they’re proud of that wasn’t perfect or when again
When has somebody else done something that they were proud of that wasn’t
perfect remembering that with availability
heuristic remembering how often something happens and how long it’s
been since you’ve seen that behavior and remember that sometimes good times are
amazing but how frequent are they compared with the bad times another thinking error is a belief in a
just world or a fallacy of fairness I just asked clients to identify for good
people you know who’ve had bad things happen and in in reality we all have bad
things happen good people do bad people do in between people do attributional
errors and this is a pet of mine you know labeling yourself is not a behavior so
global versus specific and I am stupid versus I’m stupid at math I don’t have
good math skills it’s not about me it’s about the skills I can change skills
stable I am and I always will be versus it’s something I can change it’s
something I can learn internally It’s about me as a person versus it’s about a
skill deficit or something I could learn or change and there’s you know lots of
information on attributions out there on the internet if you need a refresher on
it but we find that a lot of people who have dysphoria have negative global
stable internal attributions so questions for clients remember the
beliefs equal thoughts and facts plus personal interpretation another way of
saying it is reality is 10% perception is 10% reality and 90% interpretation so
what are the facts for and against my belief is the belief based on facts or
Feelings Does the belief focus on one aspect or the whole situation Does the
belief seem to use any thinking errors what are alternate explanations what
Would you tell your child or best friend if they had this belief how would you
want someone to tell what would you want someone to tell you about this belief so
If you’re telling somebody about this what are you hoping they’re going to say
in return and finally, how is this belief moving you toward what and who is
important to you or moving you away from what or who is important to you now they
can do a worksheet and have all of these or you can pick one or two of these
questions that are most salient for your clients but they can have kind of at
their fingertips so as they’re going through the day and something happens
They can ask themselves ok what’s an alternate explanation Or you know
Whatever it is this salient for that client’s irrational thoughts how do these
thoughts impact the client’s emotions health relationships and perceptions of
the world you know this is what we want to ask them How is this thought
impacting you globally how may this thought have been helpful in the past
Where did it come from How does it make sense from when you formed it in the
past when you’re dealing with it ask the person if the thought is bringing you
closer to those that are important Are there any examples of this thought or
belief not being true and how can the statement be made less global less
all-encompassing so it’s about a specific incident a specific situation
less stable which means you can change it and less internal which means it’s
not about who you are as a person but maybe something that you do or a skill
that you have so we’re going to go through some of these thoughts real
Quickly here mistakes are never acceptable and if I make one it means
that I’m incompetent well never is kind of stable and I am incompetent is kind
of global, that’s also that extreme all-or-nothing thinking so you can see
where these cognitive distortions end up leading to unhelpful beliefs
When somebody disagrees with me it’s a personal attack Well there’s
Personalization If I ever heard it before maybe it’s not about you may be
They’re having a bad day and you just happen to be the unlucky target or maybe
they’re disagreeing with you because they have a different point of view and
It’s not a personal attack it’s just their point of view If someone
criticizes or rejects me there must be something wrong with me
personalization all-or-nothing thinking global stable and internal something
wrong with me as a person to feel good about myself others must approve of me
Now this is one we’ve talked about external validation before and we can’t
control other people to feel good about yourself how can you do that
Besides necessarily requiring other people to approve of you to be
content in life I must be liked by all people Wow I’ve never met anybody who’s
liked by all people I’ve never even met anybody who’s been hated by all people
but it’s important to help clients see how this is dramatic to say all
people and for them to be content everybody has to like them
I mean I like to be liked but if everybody doesn’t like me you know
That’s pretty understandable My true value as an individual depends on what
others think of me I would challenge this one this is all you know
Also very personally I would challenge people to look at and say it
so your child’s value as an individual depends on what other people think of
Most people would say no but the perspective thing nothing ever turns
out the way you want it to okay all-or-nothing thinking and probably
availability heuristic if something bad just happened then they may be focusing
on that which causes them to focus on all the other bad things in the past
that have happened not to focus on that is okay you know bad thing
happen but look at all these good things I won’t try anything new unless I will
be good at it this fear of failure fear of rejection
It just really paralyzes a lot of people when they get stuck with that thinking
the area that they have to be perfect I am in total control of anything bad that
happens is my fault well that’s egocentric and personal if
They think they’re in total control that’s their perception of how the world
Do they think if they’ve got everybody on marionette strings anything
bad in the world that happens is their fault how powerful are they
I feel happy about uh if I feel happy about life something will go wrong
It happens sometimes but let’s look at times when you’ve been happy that
something hasn’t gone wrong you know let’s get rid of that all-or-nothing
thinking it’s not my fault my life didn’t go the way I wanted could be true
but it seems like that’s making you unhappy so what do we do about that if
I’m not in an intimate relationship I’m alone
No, again that’s pretty extreme I’m either in an intimate relationship or I
am alone and a loner and you know it’s just me and my 17 cats which follows
with there’s no gray area so encouraging people to look at what these
beliefs are saying important thoughts impact behaviors and emotional and
Physical reactions emotional and physical reactions impact thoughts and
interpretations of events so if you do something and it’s pleasurable
and you have a great physical reaction you know let’s take bungee jumping or
Skydiving if you go out there and it’s scary but you do it and you’re just like
Whoa what a rush Your interpretation of that is probably going to be good which
means you’ll probably do it again if you go out there and it’s just the most
horrible experience you’ve ever had you’re probably not going to do it again
and your interpretation of it is going to be not good which is going to make it
hard to understand why other people would do it irrational
thinking patterns are often caused by cognitive distortions so let’s just look
back at some of those because there are a lot fewer cognitive distortions or
general ways of thinking about the world then there are thinking errors because
There are lots and lots of thinking errors Cognitive distortions are often schemas
which were formed based on faulty inaccurate or immature knowledge or
understanding and by identifying the thoughts of the hecklers you know the
automatic tapes that maintain our unhappiness the person can choose
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…It can be incorporated in a lot of various places again where they’re not applying it or ingesting it in any way all they’re doing is smelling it they’ve used it in defusing aromatherapy in hospital emergency rooms and they found that it reduces stress and irritability the people in emergency rooms and I’ve been to enough emergency rooms over the course of the years to know that People who are in emergency rooms typically are not in the best mood so if it can help those people then It’s probably going to have some sort of an effect so psychologically helping clients realize that their body thinks there’s a threat for some reason that’s why it triggered the threat response system which is what they call anxiety, so they need to figure out why is there really a threat You know sometimes it’s like the fire alarm going off in my house it just means that the windows are open and there’s a strong breeze there is no fire there is no problem there’s just a malfunction It’s a false alarm A lot of times clients get this threat reaction they get this stress reaction and it’s not a big deal right now so they can start modifying what their brain responds to and again, those basic fears that a lot of people worry about failure rejection loss of control the unknown and death and loss distress tolerance is one of those cognitive interventions that has taken center stage in anxiety research and it isn’t about controlling your anxiety you know helping people recognize their anxiety acknowledge it and say okay I’m anxious it is what it is How can I improve the next moment instead of saying I’m anxious I shouldn’t be anxious I hate being anxious and slang with that anxiety let it go just accept it is what it is have the client learn to start saying I am feeling anxious okay so distracted don’t react because I explain to them The whole notion of feelings comes in crest and go out in about 20 minutes It’s like a wave so once they acknowledge their feeling if they can distract themselves for twenty or thirty minutes you know Obviously, they figured out there’s no real threat if they can distract themselves for twenty or thirty minutes those emotions can go down and then they can deal with it in their wise mind and encourage them to use distancing techniques instead of saying I am anxious, or I am terrified or whatever Have them say I am having the thought that this is the worst thing in the world I am having the thought that I could not handle this because thoughts come and go and that comes from acceptance and commitment therapy functional analysis makes it possible to specify where and when with what frequency with what intensity and under what circumstances the anxious response is triggered so it’s important that we help clients develop the ability to do functional analyses on their own so when they start feeling anxious, they can stop and say okay where am I what’s going on how intense Is it what are the circumstances, and they start really trying to figure out what causes this for them so they can identify any common themes from their psychoeducation about cognitive distortions and techniques to prevent those circumstances or mitigate them can be provided so if the client knows that they get anxious before they go into a meeting with their boss and it’s usually a high intensity of anxiety okay so we can educate them and help them identify what fears that may be related to techniques to slow their breathing calm their stress reaction and help them figure out times in the past when they’ve handled going in and talking to their boss and it really wasn’t the end of the world you know there’s lots of different things we can do there for them there but the first key and it gives them a lot of a huge sense of empowerment to start becoming detectives in their own life and going okay now under what situations does this happen positive Writing this was another really cool study each day for 30 days the experimental group and this was high school-aged youth in China but you know the experimental group engaged in 20 minutes of writing about positive emotions they felt that day so they’re writing about anything positive that make them happy that made them enthusiastic give them hope whatever long-term expressive writing positive emotions so after 30 days it appeared to help reduce test anxiety by helping them develop insight and use positive emotion words so it got them out of the habit of using the destruction and doom words and encouraged them to get in the habit of looking at the positive things and being more optimistic it’s a really cool activity that clients can try it’s…Look at this… 👀 https://t.co/6ms2fpCzt5https://t.co/cDWKPRGtZS
— Ralph Leaman (@LeRoyMoco) September 1, 2023
The Market WeekSign Up For The Free Newsletter No nonsense, no spam, unsubscribe anytime You can unsubscribe at any time. Read our privacy policy. Financial disclaimer: The Market Week is a general interest newsletter that is not liable for the suitability or future investment performance of any securities or strategies discussed. Readers are advised that the material contained herein should be used solely for informational purposes. As a financial newsletter publisher of general and regular circulation, we cannot tender individual investment advice. Read our full disclaimer. https://is.gd/mycbgenie_The_Market_WeekAs found on YouTubeAFFILIATE MASTERY BONUS: 6-Week LIVE Series Has Begun! FunnelMates $46.⁹⁵ Replays are Instantly Available. Want A Profitable Mailing List But Not Sure Where To Begin? We’ll Guide You, Equip You, and even PAY You Cash To Do It!24 Secret MCU Projects | New Comics This Week | MCU Speculation https://t.co/P8MmSiujtV
— Ralph Leaman (@LeRoyMoco) September 3, 2023
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coupon code consular toolbox to get a 20% discount off your order this month.As found on YouTubeSeanCooper🗯 The Shyness & Social Guy ⇝ The 3 WORST Mistakes You Must AVOID If You Want To Overcome Shyness (PLUS: 1 weird trick that targets the root biological cause of shyness so you can stop being nervous, awkward, and quiet around people…) By Sean Cooper, The Shyness & Social Anxiety Guy. The fact that you’re reading this article tells me you may have already reached a point where you feel your shyness is NOT going away on its own… or you fear it’s getting worse and worse. And I don’t want you to waste one more day living a life where you feel left out, bored, or depressed because you don’t have the relationships which would make you happy. That’s why I’ve put together this page to help you avoid the worst mistakes that keep many people stuck with shyness for years… often giving up hope of ever improving as you watch other people have interesting “normal” lives without you. Yet this doesn’t have to happen.
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How did you tolerate it how did you learn to deal with it building on those strengths that they already have all-or-nothing thinking errors these are things like love versus hate I love them or I hate them it’s all or nothing she does this all the time or she never does it if I’m going to do it I’m going to do it perfectly or I’m not going to do it at all thank you all good intentions or all bad intentions you know sometimes we do things with good intentions that have some bad repercussions so did we do it with all bad intentions are all good intentions and the answer is neither most of the time life is kind of in that middle-ground gray area encouraging clients to look and find examples where something hasn’t been one of the polls when having they do something that they’re proud of that wasn’t perfect or when again when has somebody else do something that they were proud of that wasn’t perfect remembering that with availability heuristic remembering how often something happens and how long it’s been since you’ve seen that behavior and remember that sometimes good times are amazing but how frequent are they compared with the bad times another thinking error is a belief in a just world or a fallacy of fairness I just asked clients to identify for good people you know who’ve had bad things happen and in reality we all have bad things happen good people do bad people do in between people do attributional errors and this is a pet of mine you know labeling yourself is not a behavior so global versus specific and I am stupid versus I’m stupid at math I don’t have good math skills it’s not about me it’s about the skills I can change skills stable I am and I always will be versus it’s something I can change it’s something I can learn internally it’s about me as a person versus it’s about a skill deficit or something I could learn or change and there’s you know lots of information on attributions out there on the internet if you need a refresher on it but we find that a lot of people who have dysphoria have negative global stable internal attributions so questions for clients remember the beliefs equal thoughts and facts plus personal interpretation another way of saying it is reality is 10% perception is 10% reality and 90% interpretation so what are the facts for and against my belief is the belief based on facts or feelings does the belief focus on one aspect or the whole situation does the belief seem to use any thinking errors what are alternate explanations what would you tell your child or best friend if they had this belief how would you want someone to tell what would you want someone to tell you about this belief so if you’re telling somebody about this what are you hoping they’re going to say in return and finally, how is this belief moving you toward what and who is important to you or moving you away from what or who is important to you now they can do a worksheet and have all of these or you can pick one or two of these questions that are most salient for your clients but they can have kind of at their fingertips so as they’re going through the day and something happens they can ask themselves ok what’s an alternate explanation or you know whatever it is this is salient for that client’s irrational thoughts about how to do these thoughts impact the client’s emotions health relationships and perceptions of the world you know this is what we want to ask them how is this thought impacting you globally how may this thought have been helpful in the past where did it come from how does it make sense from when you formed it in the past when you’re dealing with it ask the person if the thought is bringing you closer to those that are important are there any examples of this thought or belief not being true and how can the statement be made less global less all-encompassing so it’s about a specific incident a specific situation less stable which means you can change it and less internal which means it’s not about who you are as a person but maybe something that you do or a skill that you have so we’re going to go through some of these thoughts real quickly here mistakes are never acceptable and if I make one it means that I’m incompetent well never is kind of stable and I am incompetent is kind of global, that’s also that extreme all-or-nothing thinking so you can see where these cognitive distortions end up leading to unhelpful beliefs when somebody disagrees with me it’s a personal attack well there’s personalization if I ever heard it before maybe it’s not about you may be they’re having a bad day and you just happen to be the unlucky target or maybe they’re disagreeing with you because they have a different point of view and it’s not a personal attack it’s just their point of view if someone criticizes or rejects me there must be something wrong with me personalization all-or-nothing thinking global stable and internal something wrong with me as a person to feel good about myself others must approve of me now this is one we’ve talked about external validation before and we can’t control other people to feel good about yourself how can you do that besides necessarily requiring other people to approve of you to be content in life I must be liked by all people Wow I’ve never met anybody who’s liked by all people I’ve never even met anybody who’s been hated by all people but it’s important to help clients see how this is dramatic to say all people and for them to be content then everybody has to like them I mean I like to be liked but if everybody doesn’t like me you know that’s pretty understandable my true value as an individual depends on what others think of me I would challenge this one this is all you know also, very personally internally I would challenge people to look at and say it so your child’s value as an individual depends on what other people think of he or most people would say no but the perspective thing nothing ever turns out the way you want it to okay all-or-nothing thinking and probably availability heuristic if something bad just happened then they may be focusing on that which causes them to focus on all the other bad things in the past that have happened not to focus on that is okay you know bad thing happen but look at all these good things I won’t try anything new unless I will be good at it this fear of failure fear of rejection it just really paralyzes a lot of people when they get stuck with that thinking the area that they have to be perfect I am in total control of anything bad that happens is my fault well that’s egocentric and personal if they think they’re in total control that’s their perception of how the world are they think if they’ve got everybody on marionette strings anything bad in the world that happens is their fault how powerful are they I feel happy about uh if I feel happy about life something will go wrong it happens sometimes but let’s look at times when you’ve been happy that something hasn’t gone wrong you know let’s get rid of that all-or-nothing thinking it’s not my fault my life didn’t go the way I wanted could be true but it seems like that’s making you unhappy so what do we do about that if I’m not in an intimate relationship I’m alone no, again that’s pretty extreme I’m either in an intimate relationship, or I am alone and a loner and you know it’s just me and my 17 cats which follows with there’s no gray area so encouraging people to look at what these beliefs are saying important thoughts impact behaviors and emotional and physical reactions emotional and physical reactions impact thoughts and interpretations of events so if you do something and it’s pleasurable and you have a great physical reaction you know let’s take bungee jumping or skydiving if you go out there and it’s scary but you do it and you’re just like whoa what a rush your interpretation of that is probably going to be good which means you’ll probably do it again if you go out there and it’s just the most horrible experience you’ve ever had you’re probably not going to do it again and your interpretation of it is going to be not good which is going to make it hard to understand why other people would do it irrational thinking patterns are often caused by cognitive distortions so let’s just look back at some of those because there are a lot fewer cognitive distortions or general ways of thinking about the world then there are thinking errors because there are lots and lots of thinking errors cognitive distortions are often schemas which were formed based on faulty inaccurate or immature knowledge or understanding and by identifying the thoughts of the hecklers you know the automatic tapes that are maintaining our unhappiness the person can choose whether to accept those thoughts or change them
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