Hey Psych2go family, welcome back to another video. Do you have an overwhelming fear of losing your loved ones? Do you distrust other people or have anxiety about being abandoned? Abandonment issues typically arise in childhood but can develop later on in life as well. The fear of abandonment is a serious type of anxiety that often stems from a traumatic experience. Some aren’t even aware of their expressed emotional trauma. But it can manifest into unhealthy behaviors over time. So, here are 7 Signs You may Have Abandonment Issues. One: you’re a people pleaser. Do you want to impress everyone you meet? Whether it’s your friends, acquaintances, or family members, you try to meet their expectations to get on their good side. You’re the one who tries harder in your relationship, and you’re willing to put everyone else’s needs ahead of yours, as long as it gets them to stay. If you have a strong need to please people and gain their approval, you may still have some unresolved abandonment issues.Two: you struggle with insecurity. Do you sometimes think that someday, the people closest to you will get sick of you and leave? People who are afraid of being abandoned often struggle with feelings of insecurity and inadequacy because someone you love has walked out on you in the past. You’ve internalized the emotional trauma. You may have wrongly believed that it was YOUR fault that they left. This can result in low self-esteem and a need for constant rereassuranceThree: you find it hard to trust people Do you find it hard to trust others to keep their promises or to be there for you? Do you want to be in control of your relationships and know everything that’s going on with your loved ones? Because you’ve been hurt in the past, you have a strong fear of being left alone.In certain cases, it can lead to feelings of unreasonable jealousy, suspicion, and possessiveness over your friends and romantic partners. Four: you’re afraid to be vulnerable Do you feel uncomfortable during moments of emotional intimacy and honesty? Are you scared of getting close to someone or needing them too much? Your deep-seated fear of abandonment may manifest into a fear of intimacy and emotional vulnerability. You may unconsciously sabotage your relationships by pushing people away just as you start to care for them. You may struggle with commitment, and act detached and indifferent when you do care.Five: you look for reasons to leave. Do you always look for reasons to leave in fear of getting too attached to someone? You hold your loved ones to unrealistically high standards and you only focus on their flaws. You don’t give them any room for mistakes. You do this knowing that they’re bound to disappoint you. And when they fail to meet your expectations, you use it as an excuse to give up and leave. Six: you move on too quickly Do you have difficulty forming meaningful relationships that last because of a deep-seated fear of abandonment? When you cycle through relationships one after another and move on too quickly, you’re not allowing yourself the time and space to deal with the emotional fallout.Instead, you dive into something new and exciting to distract yourself. You never want to be alone, because it would force you to confront the personal issues you’ve been repressing for so long. And number 7… you cling to unhealthy relationships Do you find yourself gravitating towards all the wrong people? Have you stayed with someone knowing they’re bad for you? The trauma of being abandoned, especially at a young age, can stay with you for a long time. And since we’re all hard-wired to recreate our early childhood experiences for comfort and familiarity, your childhood taught you the wrong things about love. It’s not uncommon for you to be drawn to people who treat you poorly. Do you relate to any of the signs mentioned here? I know I did… Is a fear of abandonment harming your relationships and keeping you from being happy? Let us know in the comments below. If you found this video helpful, be sure to like and share this video with those who might benefit from it! Don’t forget to subscribe to Psych2go for more videos! Thanks for watching, and we’ll see you in the next one!
Do you have an overwhelming fear of losing your loved ones? Do struggle with trust issues or have anxiety about being abandoned? Abandonment issues typically arise in childhood but can develop later on in life as well. The fear of abandonment is a serious type of anxiety that often stems from a traumatic experience. Some aren’t even aware of their repressed emotional trauma, but it can manifest into unhealthy behaviors over time. Here are 7 signs that you may have abandonment issues. If you want to learn more about how your childhood trauma may cause you to have abandonment issues, be sure to check out our video “7 Ways Childhood Trauma Follow You Into Adulthood”: • 7 Ways Childhood Trauma Follow You In… #abandonment#issues#psych2goᵛᶦᵈᵗᵒᵒⁿ™ ².¹ ᴏɴᴇ ᴛɪᴍᴇ ᴏꜰꜰᴇʀ – ᴛʜᴇ 2ᴅ ᴀᴍɪɴᴀᴛɪᴏɴ ᴠɪᴅᴇᴏ ᴍᴀᴋᴇʀ After The Massive Success Of VidToon™ 1.0
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This episode was pre-recorded as part of
a live continuing education webinar. On-demand CEUs are still available for this
presentation through ALLCEUs. Register at ALLCEUs.com/CounselorToolbox. I’d like to welcome you to today’s
presentation on the sociological approach to reducing risk and building
resilience. As I was putting together This presentation it was kind of like
right in the wake of when Harvey hit. And then you know recently we’ve had the
shooting in Las Vegas, and some of the counselors, especially counselors in
training that can’t be practiced independently yet that are in some of my
social media groups and in my professional groups have been talking
about how frustrating it is and even some of us who are licensed but just
can’t wake up and go help the Red Cross right now about how frustrating it is
not to be able to help and how much we want to help so what I usually do
because you know I I’m generally not upwardly mobile where I can just drop
everything and go to a crisis what I did after 9/11 was look at what things
in that situation could I positively impact and how could I do it in a way
that made sense but you know for my life because I can’t you know at that point I
for 9/11 I had an infant at home and you know other stuff so we’re going to look
when we’re talking about addressing issues like the opiate epidemic or the
major problem of depression almost I guess anxiety almost one in four people
has anxiety issues and we’re gonna look at some of that and try to figure out
what can be done what can we do from where we are in a way that makes sense
because yes we can influence politics and advocacy but what can we do with
small chunks of time that are beneficial to helping the cause as well as you know
could help the clients we have currently so we’ll define the
socio-ecological not model which is Broth and Brenner’s model we’re going to
apply it to addiction and mental health issues and explore different variables
in this model and then discuss how this framework can be used in prevention and
treatment of co-occurring or independently occurring disorders so
we’re going to talk about how it may
sense to conceptualize not only the development of addiction but also the
development of things like eating disorders and mood disorders in terms of
a socio-ecological model and even some things like bipolar and
schizophrenia can be a person being genetically predisposed or whatever but
there could be certain environmental factors that could you know trigger that
first psychotic episodes so we want to look at what might be going on and how
can we help prevent or treat now prevention can take the form of
three different activities if you will prevent the problem so helping people
not get depressed at all ever so starting to provide those skills and
tools when people are knee-high to a grasshopper hopefully preventing
worsening of the problem so people don’t get severely clinically depressed where
they can’t get out of bed so the early intervention services and effective you
know frontline resources and preventing associated fallout okay the person gets
to press gets clinically depressed well let’s see if we can help them avoid
losing their job because they can’t get out of bed to go to work develop
additional health problems from being depressed or developing an addiction in
order to self-medicate that depression so we’ve there are three different
methods or avenues we can take in prevention and you know we want
to look at them all because when you’ve got somebody who’s becoming clinically
depressed you know they’re depressed you know situationally whatever something
happened and it started to turn into something more than just a couple of
days it’s going to start having associated fallout early and you know
it’s not going to be huge they’re not going to lose a job right off they’re
not going to start having major family problems right off but they are going to
start having little hiccups because that depression causes an imbalance in their
in their environment and we know environments like to maintain
homeostasis and you know the kids are gonna be like well Mom why aren’t you
getting up and doing these things and what’s going on and you know things are
going to start changing and the person will need to be able to deal with that
so the socio-ecological model explores and explains human behavior as the
interaction between the individual and environmental systems there’s
a fifth one that is more of your longitudinal but we’re going to
talk about the four main ones today the micro the meso the EXO and the macro
systems the microsystem involves well let’s start before that the individual
if you look at the model is sort of the bull’s eye here and the individual is
not considered a system but it involves all of the things about the
individual including biology and personal learning that make people who
they are okay so this person exists within a microsystem and that micro
system is their family peers School Church synagogue whatever and health
services things that they probably interface with regularly
work should also be on that but it’s for some reason it’s not on this diagram
anyway the mesosystem is the interconnection between microsystems so
how do family and peers interact I don’t know about you
thankfully my family might be very accepting of most of my peers but I know
other friends of mine who brought home peers who were not as well accepted by
their family so there was some conflict between the the family and the peers and
we know how much peer pressure and peer relationships are important in an
adolescents’ lives which creates conflict and consternation
how does the family interface with school how does Pierce how does
your peer group interact with school and do they see it
as a good thing to do they see it as worthwhile you know etc so when we’re
talking about the microsystem and the mesosystem we’re talking about
things that people interface with daily so I want you to think
about how the mesosystem and you can feel free to chime in on the chat
room if you want how does the mesosystem family peer
school church you know recreational activities health services impact the
development of mental health or illness now you notice I’m trying to kind of
switch ears for health because we want to promote health and we can look at the
opposite for mental illness but you know if you have positive family peer
interactions it’s probably going to support mental health it’s probably
going to support decision-making in the adolescent it’s probably going to I mean
and I’m thinking adults and adolescents here but family and friends you know if
you want to think about you know how do you get along with your significant
others peer groups and do they interface well or is it kind of like oil and water
how does the how does your family interface with your work how do they
deal with how many hours you have to work whether you’re getting called in at
night or getting emails or text messages at 8 p.m. or you know what
are their expectations and how does that influence if there’s a conflict you know
if the family doesn’t like what’s going on at work or the fact that you
know your boss is emailing you at 8 p.m. then it can create
conflict within the environment which can lead to increased anxiety and
depression and Yabadabadoo now how does mental health or illness impact the
mesosystem so again thinking about how if someone is clinically depressed how
does it impact their family how does it impact their peers and if you have a
family member who has you know clinical depression or generalized anxiety how
does it impact how your family interfaces with everything else because
you know you end up having somebody or somebody in the family who may be
caretaking for the person who has depression or anxiety or whatever the
mental health issue is who’s not able to do the stuff that they were able to do
so the rest of the families kind of pick slack so how does that affect how they
interface you know the rest of the family members interface with school and
work you know maybe they end up showing it
more exhausted so it’s important to look at the mesosystem
the exosystem involves links in a social setting in which the individual
does not have a direct active role so for example how would I impact my
spouse’s work and again if I am the identified patient and I’ve got clinical
depression and I’m calling my spouse to come home because I just can’t be alone
or my spouse is late to work or unproductive because he’s always
exhausted when he gets to work because he has so much to do since I am you know
not able to do as much right now then it could negatively impact his work and
so we want to look at how that impacts how the home environment impacts work
and how work impacts the home environment the macro system describes
the culture socioeconomic status poverty ethnicity etc so what we’re looking at
in the macro system is really the larger you know not just within your city maybe
or even closer to your neighborhood we’re looking at what you see in the media
what you see on national TV your your statewide elections your national
elections your state laws and culture and what’s being communicated if you
are a religious person what your religious culture communicates because
you know religion generally is not just in one little area it’s international or
national so what types of things does that communicate to to the person and
how does that influence the development or not development if you will of
depression anxiety or addiction so again think about how the exosystem of the
social setting in which the individual doesn’t have a directive or an active role
think about how much people were influenced after the elections I mean
yeah we had a role if you went out and voted you had a role but you don’t
decide the election so once that happens how do you know the exosystem
impact you know your your emotions your other
community events employment etc and how those things impact the family I know
you know there was a lot of consternation and concern among some of
my friends who are Jewish after the last election so their families experienced a
high ink or a great increase in anxiety development of mental health or mental
illness how does all this stuff that’s going on in the exosystem and
stuff that you don’t have direct control over how does it impact the development
of mental illness you know or mental health and we’re going to talk more
specifically in a couple of minutes and again likewise how does mental illness
or mental health impact the exosystem if you have a healthy workforce if you
have healthy people who are actively participating in work and going to community
activities voting to participate then you’re probably going to have a
healthier outcome than if you have people who are not able I mean they’re
so depressed they’re not able to even get out and participate so we want to
look at the reciprocal nature it’s not one way the community doesn’t just
affect us you know it may affect us but then how we react affects the community
how does the attitude of the culture impact the community if you’ve got a
a culture that is accepting of certain ideologies they’re accepting of LGBTQI
they’re accepting of people who are Muslim in their religion they’re
accepting of people who are Christian and their religion they’re accepting of
you know fill in the blank if the culture is accepting of that how does
that affect the community and those people within the community who might
you know otherwise not have been accepting does it kind of pressure them
in or does it cause anxiety and consternation in those people how
does the attitude of the culture for example about
premarital sex and marriage affect the family how does it affect the
development of and again we’re thinking about anxiety depression and addiction
so how does it affect the development of stress which may lead to mood disorders
or problems and how did the community families and individuals with mental
health or mental illness impacts the culture you know so we have an impact on
our culture we get together we see you know we have Generation X Generation Y
but the baby boomers all had their sort of or we all have our sort
of unique cultures and things that we bring to the table and things you know
that was given to us we said no we don’t want to thank you very much
so there is a give-and-take among the individuals within the
culture and that’s good because that means we can start small you know start
in our locale and create this positive mesosystem and then build from there if
If you have a positive community then that’s probably going to spread think
about when a company goes and dumps fertilizer for example into a waterway
it doesn’t just stay there over time that fertilizer bleeds out and
you start having algae blooms everywhere things don’t stay I mean in our society
things don’t stay in one place for very long they tend to move they tend to
migrate so positive will migrate that’s awesome
negative can also migrate so we want to look at how can we enhance the positive
migration and keep down the negative if you will so now let’s start talking
about what can we do and how can we operationalize all of this we realize
that if we affect the individual it’ll have a positive effect on the meso
system which can have a positive effect on the exosystem Yabadabadoo so great we also realize that one of the only things we have a lot of
control over is the individual ourselves so a lot of people come to
counseling individually score so this is where we’re going to start
so what things contribute I start by listing risk factors for the
development of mood disorders and addictions and then we talk about capital you know what you have in order
to you need to have to prevent these things and then prevention
strategies so that’s kind of how we’re going to go it’s not going to stay
depressing individuals with chronic pain are at higher risk of mood disorders or
addiction addiction because of the pain management you know drugs that are out
there and you know once they start taking payment management drugs opiates
a lot of times the brain quits producing endogenous opioids the natural
painkillers so when they first come off the body doesn’t automatically pick up
so it takes a little while for the person’s pain tolerance to build back up
which keeps some people from wanting to get off the medication among other
things but chronic pain can also be debilitating it can make people lose
some abilities that they used to have or crush some dreams if you will you
no, I think I’ve told you before that I have a bad shoulder and carpal tunnel so I
can’t garden the way I used to you know I still go out and do it but I’ve got to
pay attention and only be out there for an hour too instead of spending six
hours out on the farm which is frustrating to me it was only mildly
frustrating but my grandfather when he started developing Parkinson’s couldn’t
make his miniatures anymore and he made gorgeous miniatures and I know that’s
not chronic pain but it’s kind of the same thing if you’ve got rheumatoid
arthritis he couldn’t make his miniatures and he became devastated and
became withdrawn so understanding that pain has multiple influences that can
cause depression that may trigger a grief reaction that we need to help
people address now the things I put in bold are things that we as clinicians
can easily help people prevent or/or address chronic pain we can help
For people with low self-esteem that’s a no-brainer
if people don’t feel good about themselves
and they’re looking for external validation they’re going to be at a higher
risk for anxiety fear of abandonment fear of not being good enough fear of
failure and depression a sense of hopelessness and helplessness substance
use especially early substance use can cause changes in the prefrontal cortex
leading to problems with impulse control and decision-making but it can also
disrupt the balance of neurochemicals leading to symptoms of depression and/or
anxiety so it’s important to understand that especially the earlier the
substance use starts the greater the chance that it’s going to cause some
sort of brain changes and we’ve also found that a lot of people, not the
majority but there is a percentage a significant percentage of people that
when they start using early they kind of quit developing coping skills after that
they find something that works they’re like oh I like this I think I’ll use
that from now on when we start talking about people who
started drinking or smoking marijuana when they were you know 9 10 11 12 you
might see more mood issues or addiction issues in those people than
people who didn’t start using mood-altering drugs as early as a history of
abuse can contribute to the development of PTSD but not everybody who
is abused develops PTSD but there can be episodes of anxiety and depression as
well as it increases the chances of the development of addiction genetic
vulnerability we know that mood disorders and addictions tend to run in
families and they’ve done studies that have shown that there is a genetic
component doesn’t mean it’s going to happen it just means you have this gene
there that could be triggered so we don’t want we want to make sure that
clients know that they are not just doomed you know they can prevent
triggering that but they need to be aware that they may be more vulnerable
inappropriate coping responses if we are not born with coping skills
so if somebody doesn’t know how to cope with life on life’s terms
because either because they’ve always been shielded or because they’ve never
had anybody helped them maybe they were kind of on their own from the
get-go so they learned to lash out and get angry or withdraw and get depressed
but they never really learned how to deal with the stuff they’re gonna be at
higher risk of mood and addictive disorders we can help people develop
coping responses are one of the things you want to look at when people are using
seemingly unhelpful behaviors is to remember to ask what is the cause of
this so we want to look at what is the root cause of what is prompting this
behavior and what is the benefit of the current behaviors and I’m going to keep
reminding you of that as we go through this violence and aggression you know
again what’s the cause of the violence and aggression did people do this person
learn that’s how you cope with distress in their family of origin is it a
protective mechanism because they’ve experienced situations where that has
helped them deal with conflict before what prompts this and what the benefit
to it when they act out when they’re violent and aggressive what is the
benefit it gives them power it pushes people away they just enjoy hurting
people hopefully that’s the minority but we want to ask that because we can’t
figure out an alternative until we know what the function is
same thing with risk-taking and impulsivity there are certain theories
that says some people need more stimulation than others they get bored
easily so they tend to be higher risk-takers and maybe more impulsive than you
want to ask if this person doing this you know I have a friend who is an
adrenaline junkie you know skydiving rock climbing you
name it he’s done it and you know more power to him I don’t see a purpose of
jumping out of a perfectly good airplane but he he thrives on that and when he
can’t get out and do those sorts of things he feels good so what is it about
this risk-taking and what kind of risk-taking it risk-taking as
in holding a balloon liquor store or is it risk-taking as
in doing something like skydiving which is theoretically safe and what’s the
benefit it makes gives them a rush makes
they feel good helps him you know escape or whatever great that’s fine
the rebellious nests you know again what is
and this is a key for adolescents especially but even if you’re a
supervisor working with employees if they’re being rebellious you want to
look and say what’s the point what’s the benefit to being rebellious what are
they holding on to and refusing to let go of that you want them to let go of or
what are they refusing to do that you want them to do and what’s the
benefit to it if they are being rebellious and they’re staying like
think again adolescents staying out all night OK well what’s a motivating factor
is it to get under their parent’s skin probably not is it to conform to peer
pressure you know oftentimes that’s maybe the case but you have to look at
the individual and say ok how can you do this in a way that helps you move
forward rejection of pro-social values if the people who espouse the
pro-social values are the people that the person rejects then they’re probably
going to reject those values so we want to look at you to know if you’re rejecting
those what values are you espousing and why are those important to you and
why are you rejecting these over here you know not saying it’s right or wrong
I’m just trying to understand where you’re coming from and you know that’s
something that we’ve got to be sensitive to and different people
are going to hold different values lack peer refusal skills to stay out late
to get into trouble to use drugs to have early sex whatever it is those things a
lot of times indicate poor communication skills and low self-esteem need to be
accepted you know all that stuff that’s challenging during during teen and early
adolescent years those are things we can help with being bullied you know that’s
a risk factor when people are bullied they tend to get depressed and when
they’re bullied they may turn to substances to try to make themselves
feel better to numb the pain they make self-injure there’s a lot of
different things might happen we can help people
develop skills to deal with being bullied since we don’t understand
a hundred percent why people bully we need to help the victims become
survivors we need to help them have the tools to be able to deal with it and
understand why it happens without letting it hurt them early and
persistent problem behaviors that’s just so broad but again look at why the
person’s child acting out an early sexual activity could be a history of sexual
abuse could be a dysfunctional family of origin and the child is trying to get
out I worked with a 14-year-old who once told me she was gonna get pregnant
as soon as she turned 15 because that’s when she could get into housing on her
own so she was intentionally going to get pregnant at 15 and there was a
reason for it she was very clear about her logic a lot of times it’s peer
pressure and acceptance but uh asking what is that what is the cause and is
this cause going to keep the person from developing healthy coping skills and
being happy is potentially going to lead to depression peer rejection you
know that hurts so helping people figure out how to navigate peer rejection
because you’re not going to be liked by everybody academic failure we can help
with now not necessarily as clinicians but we can advocate for the person we
can help them find tutors resources etc lack of information on positive health
behaviors put it out there most of the time youth these days have a pretty good
idea of what’s healthy and what’s not they just aren’t motivated for it
they’re motivated for something else when addictive behaviors are you used to
cope with stress or unpleasant feelings I said coping skills may fail to
develop or when they’re used to enhance self-confidence such as drinking before
going to a party then they may start to develop anxiety and self-consciousness
when they don’t have a drink on board so it may start
prompting the development of some mood disorders in addition to the fact that
repeated use especially in a young brain can cause some neurotransmitter
imbalances using addictive behaviors also to enhance other experiences ties
it to those experiences making them person more likely to use those and
similar situations desensitizing the brain’s pleasure centers so what am I
what do I mean I mean if you typically drink when you are watching football
then you’re going to be more likely to drink every time you watch football it’s
just one of those things you do when you watch football if you’re one of those
people who eat when they watch TV then when you watch TV you’re more likely to
eat when you go to the movies because that’s a similar situation you’re more
likely to want to have popcorn or eat so it’s important to understand that with
addictive behaviors if you have something that produces pleasure it can
be triggered you know the person can start thinking about it in a similar
situations using repeatedly can cause neurochemical imbalances in genetics you
know you can’t be born with a neurochemical imbalance not enough
serotonin too much whatever and poor health behaviors as I’ve talked about a
bunch of times not enough sleep quality poor nutrition and high stress
can also cause neurochemical imbalances so we can educate people about some of
the things that can cause depression and anxiety so they can prevent it we can
educate parents so they can start coaching their kids from the get-go so
personal recovery capital to develop what we need to be happy and healthy
human beings we have to have certain things to help us along the way we need
to have the things to enable us for physical health think about Maslow’s
pure hierarchy bottom level is all your health and biological needs we need to
have our physical health and that includes nutrition Slee
and you know not being in pain all the time sometimes you’re gonna feel pain
that’s being human that’s being alive but we need to have our health for the
the most part we need to have financial assets to get our basic needs met you
now get that food keep clothing on our back
transportation roof over our heads health insurance and access to medication and
there are two different things health insurance covers theoretically
going to the doctor and the mental health counselor etc access to
medication is not covered under a lot of insurance so remember that most
pharmaceutical companies have patient assistance programs that can help
clients access their medication if they can’t afford it because some medication
is a really expensive safe housing conduct that’s conducive to recovery and
that’s not just addictions if you’ve got somebody who is clinically depressed or
highly anxious living in a radically dysfunctional household where there’s
lots of yelling or arguing or other people who are similarly dysfunctional
it’s probably not going to prompt those positive cognitions and mindfulness and
everything that we’re trying to establish doesn’t mean they can move
unfortunately a lot of people can’t so we got to talk about how can you create
an area in your housing environment that’s safe people need to have adequate
clothing to stay warm to be able to dress for work and you know go
to their job and be dressed appropriately and transportation to get
their needs met most of us don’t live in a city where we can just walk but
walking I guess is a form of transportation we need to be able to
access the resources that are out there whether it be food or going to work so
we can pay our light bill or whatever it is
values awareness people need to know what’s important to them to
figure out what they need to do to be happy a sense of purpose helps people
keep going and we can help people with this I mean these are easy exercises
when you give them a values activity worksheet you know
what are your top five values when you look at the sense of purpose what is
your purpose in life and a lot of us don’t know but we know what we
want it to be or we can start theorizing about what is the purpose of what I do
as a job on a day-to-day basis, what is the purpose of this activity that I’m
doing so they can start to see some meaning in the stuff they do we can help
people develop hope and optimism and we’ve talked about that one people need
to have a perception of their past present and future they need to be able
to look over the past and it may suck or it may be great but they need to be able
to look back over it and go yep that’s it they need to be able to look at their
present and realistically assess what they’ve got and maybe what they don’t
have but realistically assess what they’ve got and look at their future and
go where do I want to go from here because you’re here and you don’t want
to stay here forever you can’t stay here forever because times gonna move on what
next people need to be able to see but understand that they’re not
necessarily controlled by their past or stuck in the present that they have the
ability to make choices every single moment to work toward what they want for
the future education training and job skills people need to be able to make a
living that’s just the way it is you need to be able to feed yourself and put
a roof over your head so we can make referrals to job training agencies we
can make referrals to social service agencies problem-solving skills
interpersonal skills and self-esteem are all things that we are super
skilled at teaching and we can teach these in chunks they don’t have to be
these long groups don’t have to be big drawn-out sessions we can provide
people snippets you can provide somebody with the concept of distressed tolerance and
the improve acronym in a handout and have them look at that or in an email
you know if you email your clients once each day or on your blog there are a lot
of different ways, you can just get that information out there and in front of
people so I can look at it I call I tell my
clients it’s bathroom reading you know I usually give them a handout or two and I
just put it on the back of the toilet and when you’re in there you know take a
look at it if it’s useful great if not bottle it up and throw it in the the
trashcan I’m good with that but there’s no
pressure and I’m not putting extra assignments on them I’m just providing
information about a skill and then if they want to pursue it further when they
come back to counseling we can talk about it so what can we do we can
promote positive health and wellness behaviors by educating people about why
they’re important and what to do and where to find more information you know
because some of these things like nutrition we can’t be prescriptive but
we can point people in the direction of where to get good advice and information and we can also model this you know in
our treatment plan at least in mind I try to make sure that people are putting
a print emphasizing getting enough
quality sleep eating well and maybe exercising at least moving around if
they don’t want to call it exercise but taking care of themselves and getting
some relaxation and recreation in their bonding to a pro-social culture is
difficult for us to do for people or do with people we can talk about what
are your hobbies what are things that you enjoy doing and encourage people to
try out volunteering or get involved in meetups to engage in activities
with other people but that’s something that they’re going to have to do
on their participation in extracurricular activities again kind of
the same thing we can point them in the right direction of volunteerism meetups
things through their through their church or their synagogue or their you
know whatever clubs that they’re involved in positive relationships with
adults now obviously this is more important if we’re working with children
or teenagers we want to help children and teenagers kind of see where adults
don’t have their head that far in the ground
but we also want to help adults learn how to more effectively communicate with
teenagers because a lot of adults lecture at and I know this and you’ll
you’ll understand when you’re older and you know lots of that kind of stuff
so things that we can do to enhance relationships with adults is to educate
people about you know how to effectively communicate with teenagers for
example who are trying to find their way and trying to assert independence and
resisting some rules how do you deal with that how do you communicate with
them in a way because a lot of parents have difficulty navigating that boundary
between friend and parent so we can help with that
active workshops in the community workshops you can do at churches at
libraries those are things you can do there you can put them on for like an
an hour once a month it’s good if you’re it’s free but it’s a good promotion for
your practice if you know you go out and do it and people come to learn something
from you, they’re like hey that might be helpful social competence it’s another
one of those things that we can do in little snippets we can provide tips and
tips and tools whether infographics on an Instagram page are really
useful for a lot of teenagers they want something that’s you know in a picture
and fast it’s a snapshot so social competence checklists are another
really good thing if you’re teaching different types of skills for
communication or how you’re supposed to use different forks I know the first
time I went to a formal dinner I was looking at all the silverware going I
have no idea what to do with this stuff the sense of well-being and
self-confidence we can help people develop this by encouraging them to
focus on what they do well we want to make sure they have plans
well that means goal setting and since a lot of people don’t know how to goal-set
they don’t have goals, so they’re just kind of floating out there not
looking at the future we want to help people look at the future and
figure out how they’re going to get there so they’re like wow this is
doable this is attainable this is another thing you can put work put
worksheets on your website you can do short workshops to help people
figure out how to look at how to define or learn how to define a rich and
meaningful life and figure out how they’re going to define their goals and
achieve their knowledge about risks associated with addictive
behaviors now a lot of kids you know think back to the old dare programs I
had a lot of clients tell me that those programs only taught me how to you
safely I was like well that’s not what they were intended for but we do want to
educate youth about you know still about the risks of some of those drugs and
even adults not just youth educate people about how dangerous or how
potentially addictive opiates for example can be after three to five days
your body has already started to build up a tolerance that’s kind of scary so
helping people understand that but also addictive behaviors like pornography a
lot of teens don’t think about it a lot of adults don’t think about
it until they’re stuck in it or online gambling you know those are some things
that can kind of catch people unawares because they didn’t think about it
wasn’t a substance we typically think of addictions as substances since it’s not
a substance they didn’t think about the effect that the pleasure from those
activities were going to have on our neurochemicals and create a
a situation where they didn’t feel okay they didn’t feel normal
they didn’t feel happy without having that in their life because their
dopamine receptors had been blunted individual prevention strategies
the big summary is we want to promote attitudes beliefs and behaviors
that ultimately provide the person with healthy coping skills whether it’s
through health class whether it’s through workshops I know at
organizations I’ve worked at before the Jaypee would come in and do periodic
workshops that’s a great way to connect with people and reduce utilization if
you do psycho-educational prevention group because an ounce of prevention is
worth a pound of cure we want to make sure that they’re aware of positive
health behaviors and how to access those resources in Gainesville I don’t know
about up here but I know in Gainesville the mall used to open at six o’clock in
the morning so people could walk inside in a safe place and you know be out of
the elements and yadda-yadda so just letting people know that that
existed was a big step because they were like well I don’t want to join a gym and
go to the mall with effective interpersonal skills we want to make sure people know
how to effectively communicate set boundaries all that stuff that we talked
about this can be taught it’s nice if your local news is willing to use you to
do you know wellness minute I find one of the best places to do that is
either right before or right after the weather because most everybody Tunes in
for the weather, I may not stick around for the animal of the day or whatever
well I always do but I’m always tuned in for the weather so if you get
either right before or right after that you tend to get higher viewership and
reach more people and a minute gives somebody a chunk of something that they
can use today-specific approaches may include education and life skills
training in schools you know is provided to the kids and have them share it
with their parents through the media and community center or library workshops
those are all great ways to get stuff out I encourage you if you want to get
into providing prevention and helping to help your community helping people to
prevent getting depressed or anxious or developing other problems to look at
doing some of these very time-limited things because you don’t want to
lose a lot of billable hours but we still want to be able to do more than
we’re doing at least that’s what a lot of a lot of us tend to feel
like the mesosystem so we’ve been talking about the individuals so far
because that’s where we can have the greatest effect the mesosystem examines
close relationships that may increase the risk of experimenting with high-risk
behaviors or developing mood disorders people’s closest circle of peers
partners and family members influence their behavior and contribute to their
range of experience if you’ve got a child that grows up in a household where
the parent or parents are clinically depressed they’re not able to
model effective coping skills where they model cognitive distortions guess what
jr. Is gonna pick up if you are in a household where you know you’re in college and
you’ve got four other roommates and all of your your other roommates tend to be
negative and naysayers you’re either probably going to move or you may that
might start wearing off on you a little bit likewise if they are you know all
kinds of go-getters that can wear off on you too so you know there’s going to be
an impact risk factor is peer and family reinforcement of negative or unhealthy
norms and expectations so if your family says you know people suck they’re
always going to take advantage of you what are you going to take away from
that and is that going to contribute to you probably having difficulties with
trusting and maybe developing depression possibly so we want to look at what kind
of messages is the peer group or family sending to the individual that may
contribute to the development of mood or anxiety disorders early sexual activity
among peers could communicate that well this is the norm so everybody’s doing it
ties to deviant peers and gang involvement you know especially at that
particular group there’s a lot of pressure to conform or there’s a
negative consequences family members who don’t spend much time together and this
could be because parents work a lot this could be because everybody’s you know
involved in all kinds of other stuff but they found that
when families are disengaged the parents tend to miss out on subtle cues when
families are disengaged even if they don’t have children in the mix that
there tends to be a weakening of those bonds supportive bonds so people
are at higher risk for development of depression and anxiety because they
don’t have that you know everybody’s behind me sort of feeling parents who
have trouble keeping track of youth can indicate that the youth may be at risk
for developing substance or more mood disorders lack of clear rules and
consequences you think about even just being at work when there’s a lack of
clear rules and consequences you don’t exactly know what you’re supposed to do
I know for me that creates doodles of anxiety I like manuals and to date
pretty much every job I’ve ever taken I’ve walked in and there hasn’t been a
manual and I’ve been like okay there must be a manual written and that’s been
my first thing now I’m kind of on the structured side so I don’t expect
everybody is that way but most of us tend to experience a little bit of
anxiety about failure about acceptance if we don’t know what’s expected so it’s
important whether it’s a family or a job situation to make sure there’s clear
rules and consequences you know what’s expected and what’s going to happen if
you mess up or if you don’t meet this expectation there also needs to be
consistent expectations and limits you know when people especially children but
a lot of us tested our limits when we were kids and even as adults you know I
know you know going back to working in organizations I would have staff who
would test limits and see how long they could go without turning in a progress
note before I’d be knocking on their door going paperwork it’s natural for
people to kind of test limits especially with stuff they don’t want to do stuff
that’s not rewarding family conflict and abuse can cause a high risk of depression
and anxiety whether adults or children I mean if there’s a
a lot of conflict and chaos it’s exhausting and it can cause a lot of
dysphoric emotions and loss of employment that’s kind of
self-explanatory protective factors close family relationships so as
clinicians we can encourage people to identify who they consider their family
it may not be their blood relatives or their family who are there for them
who can they call it 2:00 in the morning and how can they nurture those
relationships encourage people to develop relationships with peers that
are involved in pro-social activities like hiking or volunteering in the
community consistency of parenting is important in terms of producing children
who are who are stronger healthier more resilient encouraging education and
parents who are actively involved can help prevent future depression because
they’re creating children who can join the workforce and have that
individual capital to prevent depression and anxiety and cope with stress
positively and this is a family protective factor and a peer for
protective factor why because we learn from observation so if our peers cope
with stress positively by prayer or exercise or whatever it is they do and
our family has other positive ways of coping with stress and we’re going to
have a greater venue of stuff to choose from supportive relationships with
caring for adults beyond the immediate family is encouraged so we want
children to grow up being able to interact with teachers coaches with
you know Scout leaders whomever and start seeing that people outside of the
nuclear family are trustworthy sharing and family responsibilities including
chores and decision making and that’s true for children teenagers and even
adults you know if you’re living in the same household it
important that everybody feels like they have a say in what’s happening
and participates in the upkeep of the family environment and family
members are nurturing and support each other and this is one where I tend to
stop and I do a love languages little mini class to help people remember that
we don’t always experience nurturance in the same way so understanding one
another’s love language is really important to be able to nurture in a
way that’s meaningful to that other person peer and family interventions are
designed to identify norms goals and expectations in the family foster family
problem-solving skills so there’s not just one person always fixing it develop
structure and consistency within the family unit promote healthy
relationships and engage peers and family of choice in the recovery process
so if somebody’s already depressed we need to be able to hopefully engage
everybody that’s involved in this person’s immediate environment in
helping them move towards recovery and you know preferably not dragging them
back down so we want to engage them and make sure that people have a supportive
others school and work risk factors lack of clear expectations both academic or
performance-wise and behavioral lack of commitment or sense of belonging at
school or at work if you just kind of go and you feel like a number you punch in
punch out that may not make you feel appreciated which can contribute
to depression and you know just bad feelings high numbers of students
failing academically at school and work translates to high amounts of
turnover if you never know who’s going to get laid off it increases stress and
anxiety and parents and community members who are not actively involved
in keeping kids in school and helping make sure that the workforce workforce
is strong but we want to make sure that people have access to how
when it’s needed we want to make sure that people have access to tutoring in
school if they need it to prevent failing school they have access to
transportation to get to work now those are things those are meta concepts that
are more on the community level but it’s important that as a community member you
know we look at different things that we may be able to participate in advocacy
and say you know it’s really important to get a bus system going I live out
about 30 miles east of Nashville and we must have the
the train that goes from my city out to Nashville so people have
access to more jobs so that was important for us to get past the City
Commission protective factors school and work positive attitudes gotta find a
reason why you’re doing this you know and sometimes it’s hard to find a reason
for algebra but we need to help kids find a reason for that we need to help
adults find a reason for why they’re going to work why are they doing what
they’re doing regular attendance shows you know it is associated with higher
mood less less risk of mood or addictive disorders because you’re able to get up
and do it and interface with people and get that social support hopefully from
your colleague’s high expectations are communicated effectively in setting
and positive social development is encouraged you know whether it’s at work
or at school, there are goals there are things you’ve got to accomplish there
are performance objectives but we also want to encourage morale and positive
social bonding whatever the setting having a positive instructional climate
again whether at work or school, I know we learn things when we’re on the
job we learn things and I don’t want people to feel like they’re having
difficulty like they’re stupid I want people to feel like anything that we
teach them as a challenge and something that may be beneficial down the road
leadership and decision-making opportunities are really important again
for students or employees to prevent burnout keep morale up reduce
anxiety and increase a sense of personal empower
and connection and active involvement for everybody is fostered and the school or
organization is responsive to the student’s needs making sure that in
school in the case of school they have access to tutoring resources it’s a safe
environment for them to be in and the children that are going to that school
have enough food in their bellies you know they can’t learn if they’re
hungry all the time workplace is a little bit different but we still need
to be responsive to people’s needs in terms of you know family requirements
whether they need to if they’re going back to school
shifting schedules a little bit we need to try to work with people instead of
being completely rigid and it’s my way or the highway when possible to
promote the best mental health characteristics of settings in which
relationships are often associated with the development of mood disorders and
addictive behaviors so we want to look at the characteristics of schools that are
they safe are they positive environments are they cheering squads or are they
places where people know they’re gonna go and get thrown under the bus
same thing with workplaces you know when you walk into a place you get most of
we get a sense and you’re either like oh this is a cool place to work or oh I
can’t wait til I can get out of here you know we want to go toward the
other end and neighborhoods when you go into a neighborhood – people take care
of their environment do they or do they have trash strewn all over their lawn
all of these things communicate how people feel about their environment and
generally how they feel about themselves and whether they have the energy to take
care of stuff or they just feel completely disenfranchised and don’t
care more about community risk factors no sense of
connection to the community neighborhood disorganization rapid changes high
unemployment a lack of strong social institutions lack of monitoring of youths
activities imbalanced media portrayals of safety health and appropriate
behavior misleading advertising and alcohol or drugs readily available
a lot of stuff we do we’re not going to be able to affect on the community level
so much but we’re gonna hit them real quick we want to improve the climate
process and policies within community schools and workplaces to make it safe and
promote positive health behaviors prevention strategies are designed to
reduce social isolation reduce and address stigma increase awareness of
local recovery models you know who’s out there that has recovered and can serve
as a role model improve economic and housing opportunities so people have a
house a safe roof over their head and they can you know earn money and feel
good about themselves increasing the accuracy and improving the positivity of
media messages and increasing physical and financial ability availability of
recovery so like I said I live in a little town so it’s nice that we have
a community mental health center here so people don’t have to rely on going into
Nashville but also making sure that services are financially available
whether you have a free clinic once a month or you know make sure you’ll you
take Medicaid but there are still a lot of people who have no insurance so where do
they go the socio-ecological model identifies
how the end the individual impacts and is impacted by not only his own
characteristics but also those of family peers community and culture prevention
takes the form of preventing the problem preventing the worsening of the problem and
preventing associated fallout like I said as clinicians a lot of what we’re
going to do is target the individual providing them with resiliency skills to deal
with some of this adversity that might be around them and to help them sort
through some of those media messages and go yeah
that’s not even true you know if I drink this vodka I’m not suddenly going to
have 14 supermodels hanging on me or whatever it is that’s being communicated
so encouraging people to be informed and Wylie consumers any change in the
the system will affect other parts of this system so if it’s a
positive change is probably going to have positive changes negative has
negative changes addressing addictive and mood disorder behaviors require a
the multi-pronged approach we need to look at the individual and you know provide
provide as many skills as possible there because that’s where we’re going to have
a lot of our impact especially in prevention but we also need to
realize that this person resides within a family you know whether they live
alone which sometimes is less problematic or they live in a household
with other people, we need to make sure that where they lay their heads at night
where they spend their non-working hours feel safe and is conducive to recovery
where they work or go to school also needs to feel safe and be conducive to
recovery and that’s part of the community so we need to kind of look at
these areas and if they aren’t safe or they don’t feel safe or aren’t conducive
to recovery, we need to help people how to figure out how they can fix that or
address it like I said they may not be able to move so what can you do to set
some boundaries to create as much safety as you can how can you do this and there
are a lot of different techniques that I’m sure you already have that you used
to help people but it’s important again not to just focus on the individual
because they don’t live in a bubble we need to look at everything right and are
Are there any questions now we have or I have added a Wednesday
class, so you don’t don’t have to come but if you have unlimited
membership same time same station Wednesday so Tuesday Wednesday and
Thursday we have a class from noon. CST 1 p.m. EST 2 for an hour all righty I will talk to y’all maybe
tomorrow maybe on Thursday have a great day if you enjoy this podcast please like
and subscribe either in your podcast player or on YouTube you can attend and
participate in our live webinars with Doctor Snipes by subscribing at all CEUs
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coupon code consular toolbox to get a 20% discount off your order this month.As found on YouTubeI thought my anxiety disorder was for life… $49.⁰⁰ But I Discovered How Hundreds Of Former Anxiety Sufferers Melted Away Their Anxiety And Now Live Relaxed, Happy Lives – With No Trace Of Anxiety Or Depression At All! http://flywait.anxiety4.hop.clickbank.net We’ve seen so many people go anxiety-free that we have no hesitation in guaranteeing this program. So… If at any time within 60 days of you purchasing ‘Overthrowing Anxiety’, your anxiety hasn’t completely evaporated then you can have all your money back. No questions asked! You can do this for yourself today. You can start making a difference in your life right now. Click on the button below and you’ll receive your copy of Overthrowing Anxiety in just a few minutes. It’ll be one of the best decisions you’ve ever made – guaranteed! http://flywait.anxiety4.hop.clickbank.net
Hey Psych2go family, welcome back to another video. Do you have an overwhelming fear of losing your loved ones? Do you distrust other people or have anxiety about being abandoned? Abandonment issues typically arise in childhood but can develop later on in life as well. The fear of abandonment is a serious type of anxiety that often stems from a traumatic experience. Some aren’t even aware of their repressed emotional trauma. But it can manifest into unhealthy behaviors over time. So, here are 7 Signs You may Have Abandonment Issues. One: you’re a people pleaser. Do you want to impress everyone you meet? Whether it’s your friends, acquaintances, or family members, you try to meet their expectations to get on their good side. You’re the one who tries harder in your relationship, and you’re willing to put everyone else’s needs ahead of yours, as long as it gets them to stay. If you have a strong need to please people and gain their approval, you may still have some unresolved abandonment issues. Two: you struggle with insecurity. Do you sometimes think that someday, the people closest to you will get sick of you and leave? People who are afraid of being abandoned often struggle with feelings of insecurity and inadequacy because someone you love has walked out on you in the past. You’ve internalized the emotional trauma. You may have wrongly believed that it was YOUR fault that they left. This can result in low self-esteem and a need for constant reassurance. Three: you find it hard to trust people Do you find it hard to trust others to keep their promises or to be there for you? Do you want to be in control of your relationships and know everything that’s going on with your loved ones? Because you’ve been hurt in the past, you have a strong fear of being left alone. In certain cases, it can lead to feelings of unreasonable jealousy, suspicion, and possessiveness over your friends and romantic partners. Four: you’re afraid to be vulnerable Do you feel uncomfortable during moments of emotional intimacy and honesty? Are you scared of getting close to someone or needing them too much? Your deep-seated fear of abandonment may manifest into a fear of intimacy and emotional vulnerability. You may unconsciously sabotage your relationships by pushing people away just as you start to care for them. You may struggle with commitment, and act detached and indifferent when you do care. Five: you look for reasons to leave. Do you always look for reasons to leave in fear of getting too attached to someone? You hold your loved ones to unrealistically high standards and you only focus on their flaws. You don’t give them any room for mistakes. You do this knowing that they’re bound to disappoint you. And when they fail to meet your expectations, you use it as an excuse to give up and leave. Six: you move on too quickly Do you have difficulty forming meaningful relationships that last because of a deep-seated fear of abandonment? When you cycle through relationships one after another and move on too quickly, you’re not allowing yourself the time and space to deal with the emotional fallout. Instead, you dive into something new and exciting to distract yourself. You never want to be alone, because it would force you to confront the personal issues you’ve been repressing for so long. And number 7… you cling to unhealthy relationships Do you find yourself gravitating towards all the wrong people? Have you stayed with someone knowing they’re bad for you? The trauma of being abandoned, especially at a young age, can stay with you for a long time. And since we’re all hard-wired to recreate our early childhood experiences for comfort and familiarity, your childhood taught you the wrong things about love. It’s not uncommon for you to be drawn to people who treat you poorly. Do you relate to any of the signs mentioned here? I know I did… Is a fear of abandonment harming your relationships and keeping you from being happy? Let us know in the comments below. If you found this video helpful, be sure to like and share this video with those who might benefit from it! Don’t forget to subscribe to Psych2go for more videos! Thanks for watching, and we’ll see you in the next one!As found on YouTubeI thought my anxiety disorder was for life… $49.⁰⁰ But I Discovered How Hundreds Of Former Anxiety Sufferers Melted Away Their Anxiety And Now Live Relaxed, Happy Lives – With No Trace Of Anxiety Or Depression At All! http://flywait.anxiety4.hop.clickbank.net We’ve seen so many people go anxiety-free that we have no hesitation in guaranteeing this program. So… If at any time within 60 days of you purchasing ‘Overthrowing Anxiety’, your anxiety hasn’t completely evaporated then you can have all your money back. No questions asked! You can do this for yourself today. You can start making a difference in your life right now. Click on the button below and you’ll receive your copy of Overthrowing Anxiety in just a few minutes. It’ll be one of the best decisions you’ve ever made – guaranteed! http://flywait.anxiety4.hop.clickbank.net
CEUs are available for this presentation at AllCEUs.com/CBT-CEU Hi everybody and welcome to today’s
presentation on cognitive behavioral therapy skills. Like the other
The presentation we did on assert not assertive community treatment acceptance
and commitment therapy, which is also based on providing information
about skills that can be used not providing an evidence-based practice
We couldn’t cover that in a full hour or just an hour so over the
next hour we’re going to define cognitive behavioral therapy and its
basic principles a lot of us are familiar with this but it’s going to be
a good review and it also may highlight some nuances that you didn’t know about
will identify factors impacting people’s choice of behaviors explore causes and
impact of thinking errors and identify common thinking errors and their
relationships to cognitive distortions so why do we care well as therapists we
want to help people figure out the best way to live a happy healthy meaningful
goals-driven life for some people that’s going to mean using some cognitive
behavioral interventions that can be in addition to mindfulness that can be in
addition to a lot of other things but it’s important to help people understand
that the way we believe things to be the way we interpret things is going to
affect our reactions so for example think about a situation you know you’ve
walked into and maybe you walked into it with a small child and it was a
different situation it was a new situation but you know it was no big
deal you walked in it was not a threatening situation to you because you
were like hey I got this the little kid walks in and goes oh wow there are a lot
of people walking around here, this is really scary same situation as two
different perceptions you probably didn’t have much of a stress reaction
going on whereas the little child probably had this fight-or-flight thing
going on grabbing onto your hand like please don’t let go
Atlanta Airport is a perfect example if you’ve ever
taken a little kid through Atlanta Airport it gives you an idea about how
People can perceive things differently and when you enact that fight-or-flight
reaction you’re going to have all those stress hormones you’re going to have all
either anxiety or anger or whatever that goes with it it may serve to
exhaust the person and leave them feeling hopeless and helpless so what we
want to do is help people see that but we also want to help them see that when
They’re depressed when they’re tired when they’re sick things are going to
seem a lot worse a lot of times because they don’t have the energy to perceive
it differently I mean when you’re sick it’s overwhelming to think of going
through Atlanta Airport so this is what we want to help people start
understanding is it’s two sides of the same coin they interact if one is you
know kind of going wonky is going to affect the other one the good thing is
If one’s going really well the other one’s going to go well if you’re
Having positive thoughts you’re probably going to feel pretty good
there’s an activity and I think we’re going to talk about it later it’s called
the coin flip activity and I asked client clients to flip a coin in the
morning and in the morning if it turns heads then they have to be the most
positive Pollyanna all day long look for the silver lining and everything smile
walk with their head up hold those nonverbals up and see how they feel at
the end of the day besides a little sore because there are muscles they’re using
they haven’t been used in a while if it lands on tails they can just be their normal
selves which generally if they’re seeing me means that they are depressed anxious
stressed out angry about something in the negative realm then we
Talk about how things seemed different on the days when you were feeling better
when you were walking taller when you were smiling even our nonverbals it
doesn’t even have to be sickness it can be our nonverbals that can make us feel
or make our body feel heavy and tired and make it seem like it’s a whole lot
harder to deal with life as a person who perceives the world
generally good and believe they can deal with challenges as
they arise that good old self-efficacy will be able to allow their stress
response system to function normally so if they’re like you know what I can deal
with whatever life throws at me I’ve got it and maybe I need help with it maybe
I’ll need to ask for support but I’ve got it it’s not going to completely
overwhelm me with people who see the world as hostile unsafe and unpredictable You
know for a variety of reasons whatever happened to make their scheme as such
that they don’t believe that people or the world is trustworthy are predictable
They are always on guard they’re always kind of like a hamster in a cage that has
Have you ever had a hamster hamsters doesn’t recognize you and goes Hey that’s my own
Or human contact score hamsters go run under their little house
And you just kind of open the cage and stick your hand in there and flip over
their house and you’re like come here and give me cuddles and you’re like you
know 200 times bigger than they are so the little hamster is like freaking
out this is what it’s like for people and obviously, I’m exaggerating but this
is what it’s like for people who have a negative perspective a negative view or
a hostile view of the world so kind of keep that little hamster in your mind cognitive behavioral therapy we have
core beliefs those things that are in our hearts when I talk with my clients
about honesty step one and that’s what they’ve got to do to start recovery is
get honest with themselves first and then other people we talk about head
heart and gut honesty do you think it’s right does it seem like the right thing
to do does it feel right in your heart you know does it make you happy it
doesn’t make you feel good and then the Spidey senses is your gut saying and or
Is your gut fine if one of those is saying this might not be the right
choice and we need to think about what’s going on so we have those core beliefs
and I put them in the heart just because that’s the middle of the head heart and
gut but you have core beliefs about yourself whether you’re good with
You’re bad whether you’re effective at certain things yadda
You have core beliefs about other people same thing good bad effective
predictable and you have core beliefs about the future and a lot of that goes
with locus of control but also your past experiences if the world in the past is
seemed unfriendly and uncontrollable and you’ve perceived it that way then you’re
going to expect the future to be uncontrollable so what we want to do is
help people look at their schemas and their core beliefs about themselves
others in the future and figure out kind of what they want it to look like these
schemas are going to affect your behavior your thoughts and your
feelings and you know you can pick wherever you want to start it doesn’t
matter because all three interfaces with one another so if you haven’t let’s
Start with negative thoughts If you have negative thoughts then you might feel
anxious angry stressed dysphoric which will affect the behavior you’re going
to do different things than if you have positive thoughts about something you
feel excited and energized you’re going to have different behavior the best
thing example I can give you is if you’ve ever done public speaking or had
to present something Some people detest public speaking it’s just
terrifying for them to get up in front of a group of people so their thoughts
are I’m going to trip up I’m going to forget what I’m going to say I’m going
to make a fool of myself I’m going to you know it can go on forever that when
you get on a roll you can get on a negative roll and go on forever or
positive hopefully get on that roll with those thoughts you start holding onto
Those thoughts remember as we talked about in a CT the other day when you
hold those thoughts and you kind of mush them around in your mind and you come to
believe them that you’re going to make a fool of yourself and it’s going to be
awful you’re going to start feeling terrified which is going to
likely affect your behavior if you go out on the stage and you’re terrified
You’re going to probably stutter you’re probably going to get foggy-headed
You’re going to have that fight-or-flight reaction so there’s an
adrenaline rush and you start sweating and you can’t focus and you can’t
concentrate you want to away as opposed to somebody like me who
loves public speaking and I’m just like cool I get to go out there and try to
engage however many people are in the audience it’s a game for me because when
I can see your faces I enjoy trying to figure out and make eye
contact with people and figure out what it is that they’re there for what is it
that’s going to make them tick what resonates with them so my behavior as
You can kind of see right now when I go out there I’m excited and I want to
engage people and it’s a fun experience for me again just like the airport the
same experience for two different people and two very different interpretations
and reactions to it so what effects I don’t like the term rational but when
We’re talking about CBT irrationally comes up a lot I like to replace it with
helpful because every behavior in its weird sort of way is or probably was
rational at one time that being said we’re going to get back to that stress
affects our behavioral choices if we’re under stress we can have negative
emotions negative emotions will affect our thoughts if we’re feeling sad we’re
probably going to look at the dark side if we feel sad we’re going to look at
the bottom falling out if we’re happy we’re probably going to look for that
silver lining physical factors if you’re in pain sick sleep-deprived poorly
nourished so your body can’t produce the neurotransmitters it needs to or heaven
forbid intoxicated you’re probably not going to make the same decisions as you
would if you were comfortable healthy well-rested nourished and not
Intoxicated any of those things can impact how you perceive a
situation or how you react in a situation, especially the intoxication
whereas in your intoxicated State in your sober state, you may think that you
want to do something but then you’ve got that filter that does not
not a good idea in an intoxicated State or even in a manic state if you’re you
know if you have somebody with bipolar that filter kind of goes away so the
behaviors that someone may normally not do because they have a rational filter
That goes you know punching this guy out is probably not the best idea right
Now the filter goes away when you’re sleep-deprived you’re less generally
People are less patient generally people don’t have as much of a filter thing
about watching your children if you have children or your grandchildren or even
yourself I know myself when I’m sleepy I am giddy as all get-out and things I
wouldn’t normally say because they’re you know stupid I’ll just come out and
say anyway and my kids just roll their eyes or the mom you’re overtired could
go to bed, uh but that’s okay You know I’m okay with that
In that situation now if I acted that way at work it would be a worse thing
environmentally if you’re introduced to a new or unique situation and you
perceive it as stressful because the unknown we know can be stressful then
you may not make as rational of a choice or as helpful of a choice because you
Maybe trying to escape the same thing as exposure to UNPROFOR bellowing for a
word here but UNPROFOR ball is the best I could come up with we all prefer
certain situations some people like I said would rather do just about anything
then get up in front of a lecture hall of a hundred and fifty people and talk
but if they have to do it then they’re going to be under stress which may
affect how they do things so we want people to understand that their
perception and their feelings are affected by a lot of other things not
Just you know an emotion here or a particular memory there’s a lot that
goes into it and social if peers your family convey
irrational thoughts as necessary very standards for social acceptance
people may tend to cling more to it to those unhelpful thoughts and unhelpful
behaviors you know in CBT they say irrational because quote nobody wants to
associate with those people you know who are those people and why can’t we
associate with them there are a lot of things if you think back think high
School you know high school is pretty rough if we’re going to talk about
having irrational thoughts and cognitions if you have to be part of
this particular group to be accepted you have to do this you have to
do that but do you do you do those kinds of all-or-nothing statements
are cognitive distortions and while they may have served a purpose in some way
shape or form in the past we need to encourage our clients to take a look at
them now and go are they still helpful ways of thinking is it still helpful for
me to think that I am only successful if I live in a million-dollar house in a
gated community and do this that and the other or can I be can I define success as a
different way or do I define success differently and lack supportive
peers to buffer stress so we had those peers who caused stress by talking
about the half dues and categorizing and lots of attributions but then there’s
Also not having somebody to go you know does this make any sense
because sometimes we are our own worst enemies and if we go to a friend and we
go you know this is what I’m thinking and I think I have to do this in order
to be acceptable to be loved or you know whatever the case may be
Most people are not going to use those exact phrases A good friend is probably
going to listen and go yeah you’re right or no that’s way off so supportive
peers are essential to reminding us to consciously regularly check in with our
cognitions to make sure that they are hopeful and rational so a note about
irrationality and this is mine this is not from CBT the origins of most beliefs
for rational and helpful given the information the person had at the time
and their cognitive development their ability to process that information so
concepts schemas and core beliefs that people formed when they were five
are probably going to be very egocentric you know the person is going to feel
like everybody sees it my way because this is how I see it you know just like
A five-year-old does A five-year-old doesn’t think Well you know let me take
Johnny’s perspective is no he assumes that Johnny sees it the same way so it’s
going to be egocentric It’s probably going to be focused on only one aspect
of the situation because small children can’t focus on multiple aspects and it’s
probably going to be dichotomous it’s all-or-nothing
Mommy loves me mommy hates me and it could be personalized you know
Everything a lot of kids think that everything has
to do with them so if something happens something bad happens many times
Children will take it personally or be afraid it’s going to happen to them
Again you know if Hurricane Katrina hurricane
Andrew those sorts of things you know we saw a lot of trauma in children and they
developed very real fears about thunderstorms and hurricane season
And if you’ve watched Florida hasn’t had a notable hurricane in years now but
There’s a lot of stuff that goes into that but young people
During some of those really bad hurricane seasons perceive those
situations differently okay so we need to help people understand that if we
especially if we use the term irrational those thoughts you form when you are
knee-high to a grasshopper and they made perfect sense to you back then but now
that you’re an adult you’ve got more experience and you’re
able to take different perspectives your brain is more developed
Let’s take a look at it and see if you can look at different perspectives and
Come up with something a little more helpful maybe a different way of
perceiving this situation the irrational irrationality or unhelpful Nosov Fox
comes when those beliefs are perpetuated without examination so something a
the belief that you formed when you’re five you’re still holding when you’re 35 and
you’ve never questioned it you’ve never gone you know does this make sense is
This is helpful to getting me toward where I want to be Most of us don’t know
We form these attitudes and beliefs when we’re you know growing up when we’re in
elementary school middle school high school from watching TV to being
around our peers from being around our family in our community and we get all
This input of the way things should be and a lot of times people don’t stop to
question and go and go Well does this make me happy Is this really what
I want and they can be irrational if they continue to be held despite causing
harm to the person so the person continues to hold this belief even
though it is causing them general emotional cognitive harm is making them
miserable we need to look at what’s motivating them to hold on to that
belief why is that belief so important and how can we make it so they can live
a happy values-driven life with an emphasis on the harness and how can we make it less
harmful sometimes it’s more productive for clients to think of these thoughts
as unhelpful or helpful instead of irrational sometimes when I say
irrational to clients and you know I’m the same way if somebody says you’re
being irrational I’m like oh I’m not it elicits this instantaneous defensive
reaction it’s like when you tell them they’re being resistant they’re like I
am NOT resistant so helpful or unhelpful and then we talk about why it
is unhelpful in getting them toward their goals
basic principles of cognitive behavioral therapy we teach or help clients learn
to distinguish between thoughts and feelings I can think something is scary
I’ll probably feel it but if I have an automatic you know feeling I walk into
Atlanta Airport and I see yeah I went to an airport in New York I can’t even
remember which one it was because my plane was diverted and I got off and I
walked out there and I have never seen so many people packed in his place like
sardines before in my life I was just completely overwhelmed that was kind of
an automatic feeling now that was a feeling based on you know who knows it
was overwhelming to be surrounded by that many people so then I had to
separate the thoughts and go Okay what am I thinking that’s making me feel so
overwhelmed and at that point you know I didn’t know how to get to my gate and
all that other sort of stuff with traveling I don’t travel well but
encouraging clients to stop and go okay why am I feeling this way what are my
What thoughts am I having that are contributing to these dysphoric feelings
CBT helps people become aware of how thoughts can influence
feelings in ways that are sometimes not helpful
We have hecklers in our gallery the automatic tapes that we plaything
memories that we have whatever you want to call them when you try something
When you are just going through daily life you hear these voices in the back
of your head and not real voices but that is saying you’re never
going to make this or if you would have just blah blah blah then you’d be a
better person helping clients become aware of those thoughts and how they’re
Negatively influencing their feelings and keeping them kind of stuck is a huge
part of CBT we help them learn about thoughts that seem to occur
automatically without even realizing how they may affect emotions again those
thoughts from the they’re saying you’re not good enough
You’re not smart enough and nobody’s going to like you Where did that come from
and do you believe it you know maybe it came from somebody
When you were in high school so was that a valid was that a valid source Maybe it
came from somebody yesterday on Facebook was that a valid source taking in those
thoughts and then figuring out is something I’m going to hold because it
makes me happy or is this something that I’ve got to deal with because I’m having
a negative reaction constructively evaluate whether these automatic
thoughts and assumptions are accurate or perhaps biased the other thing to
remember is a lot of our clients not all of them but a lot of them hold
themselves to a standard there’s like up here and they hold everybody else to a
standard that’s down here so they are a failure if they don’t achieve this but
Everybody else is successful as long as they achieve this so encouraging them to
take a look at how accurate and biased or unbiased are the thoughts and like I
said they may be their thoughts they may be telling themselves these things
evaluate whether the current reactions are helpful and a good use of energy or
unhelpful and a waste of energy that could be used to move toward those
people and things important not impotent important to the person road-rage you’re
In the car you’re driving somebody cuts you off Okay natural reaction fight or
flight reaction you’re just like slam on the brakes and do whatever you got to do
aversive maneuvers you’re good so you could let it go at that point ago got
Lucky on that one and keep driving most people not all but most found that
80% of drivers have reported incidences of road rage which is a
high number but most people will start getting all fired up and irritated
and grumpy and we and just rageful and so my question
would be I hear that and I hear that it made you angry
In retrospect did screaming at the person as you pass them at sixty miles
An hour in your car with the windows rolled up does any good Did it Did
any good at all what else could you have done with that energy if you wouldn’t
have expended it all yesterday we had to wait for the vet to come by and my
daughter just completely wore herself out worrying about when the vet was
going to get there what he was going to say about her donkeys and was beside
herself so by the time it got to evening and it was time for her to go to her
martial arts class she didn’t have the energy to go she’s like um wiped out I
just want to go to bed in retrospect we’re looking back and saying okay now
Tell me what it was that you were so stressed out about and let’s talk about
whether that was a realistic and helpful line of thought to perseverate on all
day long and what could you have done differently because she didn’t bother to
mention any of that to me yesterday and then developed the skills to notice
interrupt and correct these biased thoughts independently causes of these
thinking errors information processing shortcuts when we form schemas and we
encounter a situation that reminds us of something in the past like when I go to
my grandmother’s house I have a schema I have a belief system I have you know
stuff that I know about my grandmother’s house so when I go to my grandmother’s
house it’s kind of a shortcut to knowing what to expect when I walk in and how to
behave how to do different things and it helps me plan and predict if you’re
Using outdated or dichotomous all-or-nothing schemas may cause
thinking errors because you may be now incorrectly processing current events
mental noise some of us have it a lot of us have it
Not everybody thinks about trying to focus and study for a final exam in the
middle of a really busy sports bar okay this is a cause of thinking or you’re
going to miss important things you’re not going to be able to focus you’re not
going to necessarily attend to the correct things because there’s just so
much else going on your attention is drawn in 17 different directions and or
the brain’s limited information processing capacity due to age we talked
about that before young kids think all or nothing they think dichotomously
egocentric ly middle school-aged kids and older start developing the ability
for abstract thinking, by the time we get older, you know as adults theoretically
We’re able to you know think pretty well and think pretty clinically about different
events but if we’re in crisis when someone is in crisis it could be
like what we think of clinically as a crisis or it could be they’re just
completely overwhelmed and burned out and have been burning the candle at both
ends for three months they’re not going to process information quite as well
They’re not going to take in all this stuff because they’re just like
shell-shocked have you ever seen teachers in the hallway of like an
elementary school Oh at the end of the second nine weeks they just kind of
stand there with this blank look on their face they’re not processing as
much as they were the first day of school and you know God loved them they
have a lot to deal with but we need to help our clients
understand that there are some times that they are going to have to really
stop and focus write things down so they can remember or they can make decisions
A little more my guess is most of us have times in our lives when we’ve
been able to think through complex problems but then there are other times
where you just can’t keep it all in your head and you’ve got to put it on a
Whiteboard maybe that’s just me but we want clients
to understand that they are not broken they’re not faulty they’re doing the
best they can with the tools they have and the knowledge they have and our job
is to help them see where some of this might have gone a little awry other
causes of thinking errors and emotional motivations I feel bad therefore
whatever I’m thinking must be bad if I’m scared that means whatever it’s coming
on the other end of the phone is bad news moral motivations I did it because
it was the right thing to do and that can be an excuse for doing wrong
behaviors as well it can also be you know you can argue on
The moral one social influence well everyone else is doing it so it must not
be bad set that again a lot of times and this is where the frames approaching the
Motivational interviewing is helpful It stands for feedback
about the reality of what’s going on is everybody doing it let’s look at
statistics you know not subjective information let’s look at objective
information so the impact of these thinking errors makes people want to
fight or flee when they get upset and we use upset as a kind of this
all-encompassing garbage term emotionally they get depressed or
anxious we don’t want to feel that way Anxiety and anger are flee or fight
fight or flee it’s our body saying there’s a threat you got to do something
depression is your body going I give up I just don’t I don’t even have the
energy to do it anymore behaviorally some people withdraw because they
Shut down We all know people get frustrated when they get overwhelmed
When they start feeling hopeless or helpless they just kind of withdraw from
Everything and everyone’s addictions numb that out so they don’t have to feel
the dysphoria sleeping problem and changes when we start being on that
constant fight-or-flight hyper-vigilant sort of thing going on in the body is
always sort of turned on which means you’re not going to sleep as well then
The circadian rhythms get messed up which starts causing exhaustion and
lethargy and then everything seems harder because you’re sleep-deprived and
then you start thinking more negatively and more hopelessly you see where this
is going it’s a downward spiral and eating changes some people eat a lot
more because they’re eating comfort foods some people eat a lot less because
Their stomach is so torn up from the stress they can’t even think about
holding anything down physical stress-related illnesses fibromyalgia
gastrointestinal problems headaches neck aches backaches you know the whole
the gamut of it when you start feeling bad when you start hurting generally it gets
frustrating after a while and that frustration makes it kind of raises the
bar brings you up a little bit so you’re
That thatch closer to kind of just kind of being overwhelmed as you do You have as much
of a cushion as you would if you were happy healthy well nourished not in pain
and socially a lot of times we will get irritable or impatient with other people
or withdrawal when we’re having these negative cognitions these thinking
errors that are keeping us in a dysphoric state these effects of
thinking errors contribute to fatigue a sense of hopelessness and
helplessness which intensifies thinking errors This is an important concept that
I want my clients to understand and I want to drive home in this presentation
so thinking errors what are they emotional reasoning feelings are not
facts and we want to help people learn to identify feelings
and separate them from facts so if somebody says I’m terrified
okay that is a feeling what are the facts supporting that feeling why are
you are terrified what is the evidence that you are in some sort of danger
Right now you know that danger may not be the right word for your client at that
a particular point in time but what’s the evidence that there’s a threat in what
ways is this similar to other situations maybe it’s triggering something from the
past that was scary or you know you were too little to be able to
handle it but you can handle it now and how if you dealt with similar situations
Like in the past, we wanted people to just step back and get some
distance between their feelings and their thoughts and try to figure out you
know which thoughts are helpful and productive and even if a sought makes
people anxious or angry it can be helpful it may be telling them hey dude
you need to get your butt up and get out of there if it’s helpful it means it’s
moving them toward where they want to be happy healthy safe and values-driven
life so happy and helpful developed a stress tolerance skills when people use
emotional reasoning they feel emotions which then they start attributing
finding the facts to support those emotions instead of looking at all the
facts we want to help them learn to tolerate their distress so they can kind
of let that subside for a second they can accept their feeling they can name
them They say I’m scared I’m stressed I’m angry and whatever but they don’t
have to act on it right then they can tolerate the distress for a minute
without having to try to make it go away and emotional regulation skills they can
feel a feeling without having to make it go from zero to 120
You know if they feel sad they go I feel kind of sad instead of grabbing onto it
and going I wonder what I feel sad about I must feel sad about all these sad
things now I’m going to be sad and devastated so we want to
help people learn how to regulate their emotions identify them accept them
Whatever word you want to use tolerate them because feelings are
there for a reason they’re there to tell you your brain thinks something’s going
now thankfully we have that higher-order cognition stuff going on so
We can contradict our brain and we can go you know maybe that’s not true in
this situation cognitive bias negativity mental filter whatever you want to call
it people who focus on the negative they walk in they get up in the morning and
They look outside and it’s partly cloudy They get to work and they say instead
of saying there was it was very light traffic they said there was a fair
amount of traffic everything is always the flip side of
what somebody who’s optimistic would say so asking them what’s the
benefit to focusing on the negative in what ways is this helpful to you
know some people say Well it keeps me from getting disappointed because I know
It’s going to end up negative anyway so we can trap challenges that know that
whatever it is they think they know and see if there have been exceptions when
It hasn’t turned out that way What are the positives to this situation
I give the example a lot of you know I wash my car or it rains and maybe I
wanted to go out on a run that day but I can perceive it I can look at the
positives you know the rain washed my car for me so I don’t have to do it now
score it watered my garden all the better it knocked down some of the
pollen out of there even better I can find and I can encourage people to find
positives in a situation yes there are negatives there are negatives to every
situation if you want to find them you’re going to find them but if you
want to find the positives you can too which takes us down to what are all the
facts there’s the positive and the negative and the neutral I told you
Earlier about the coin toss activity having people toss a coin on the
heads days they act like it is just the greatest day to be alive and see how
Things are different when they do their journal because you know I have my
clients do I’m sort of a mindfulness check-in in
the morning and in the evening and preferably at lunchtime how are they
feeling what’s their emotional state what’s their energy level on the happy
days a lot of times it can be less and sometimes they need a little coaching
throughout because some of those old patterns kick in but I want them to
start challenging some of their automatic thoughts that we’re going to
talk about in a minute disqualifying or minimizing the positive most of us can
probably say we’ve had a bunch of clients that do this they are more than
happy to tell you about all the things that they mess up but then when they do
something right they minimize it encouraging people to hold themselves to
the same standard they would hold everyone else to and I know I talked
about that earlier ask them things like would it minimum would you minimize this.If it was your best friend’s experience your best friend came to you and said I
just got into such-and-such college would you say awesome or would you say
anybody can get in there how would that go ask them what is scary about
accepting these positive things that you might have had an
accomplishment for some people it means that it might mean other people expect
more of them for other people they just don’t know how to accept the positive
They don’t know how to accept compliments they don’t know how to be
the center of attention and they don’t like it and then we want to look at why
that is sometimes we disqualify the positive because it fails to meet
someone else’s standards so as people might that be true here you know I know
When I was growing up and going through college and going through school and
everything got my doctorate but I will always not being not
a real doctor because a Ph.D. is not an MD and I’m like really
So is it somebody else’s standards or can I feel good about having a Ph.D. egocentrism My perspective is the only
perspective I’ll being egocentric but it doesn’t work
most of the time so encouraging people to take alternate perspectives
Maybe you’re texting with someone and they say something that is not what you
interpret as not the nicest thing and this happens in text messages a lot and
they get upset now an egocentric thinking error would say that purse is
just grumpy today Someone who’s taking other perspectives would stop and go
back and read the text and go I wonder if maybe this could have been taken some
other another you know obvious reaction is not what I intended
So egocentrism if you hold on to that I don’t understand anybody else because
You know I don’t see a problem with anything personalizing and mind-reading This is when you assume that everybody’s
frowning because of something you did your boss walks down the hallway
and looks at you and grimaces and continues to walk on oh I must have done
something wrong No maybe he just got out of his senior management meeting that
was five hours long and he’s got to go to the bathroom you know there could be
a hundred different explanations for why that happened so encourage clients to
ask themselves what some alternate explanations for this event that are
doesn’t involve me you know why this might have happened if they hold
on to that, I must have done something wrong but as soon as their boss calls
them up and goes hey can you come to my office for a second you know where their
thoughts are going to go I’m getting fired I’m going to get laid off I don’t
know what it was that I did wrong but he walked by me two weeks ago in the
hallway and grimaced and I’m just I’m the worst person in the whole world
But where did that come from so encouraging people to not necessarily
assume they know what’s going on in someone else’s mind and not
automatically attributing every person’s negative behavior to something they did
How often and then ask them how often has it been about you
now think about the last 10 times you’ve taken something personally how many of
Those 10 times has it been about something you did versus something with
the other person then the availability heuristic remembering what’s most
prominent in your mind so asking clients what the facts ah the most obvious
One that we talk about is plane crashes You know it is very dangerous to fly on a
plane because you hear about all those plane crashes well yeah you hear about
the airlines crashes but don’t hear about the 20,000 every day that land
safely so you remember it and it seems more dangerous because that’s what is in
your mind that’s what is available to you that’s what you’ve based your
thought processes on because maybe you didn’t know that 20,000 planes or more
fly and land just perfectly every day this can also be true with people
remembering what’s most prominent in your mind sometimes and this can be very
very true in domestically violent relationships if somebody falls in love
with someone and that person is just the greatest person since sliced bread for
the first four months and then the cycle starts and there’s this little tiny
a sliver of the honeymoon period after the battering cycle and the person’s like
That’s the person I fell in love with that’s what I remember and they try to
focus on that that’s most prominent in their mind and they ignore the rest of
the stuff so we need to encourage people to look objectively at the facts magnifying high and
low probability outcomes what are the chances that this is going to happen how
Many clients have worked with have gone to the doctor and gotten into a
physical or get a test run and then the doctor had to call them back and
This could be true for you too and the doctor had to call them back two or
Three days later when the tests came back from the lab and that whole three
days they were just in a panic because they
were afraid they were going to get some terminal diagnosis so thinking about
high and low probability outcomes another instance or example of
magnification is somebody that thinks this is the end of the world whatever it
I think I’ve told you before my little story about um tripping when I
was walking down the hall at work and falling and yeah it was embarrassing my
folders went everywhere and yeah but in that big scheme of things will it matter
That much from now you know are people going to think Oh she is such a clutch she
must be a ditz too no I mean they may have thought that at that time I don’t
know but you know in six months nobody’s going to remember and then ask them in
the past when something like this has happened when you’ve had to get a test
done and you’ve had to wait on results or if you’ve done something that was
embarrassing and you didn’t think you thought everybody was going to remember
it forever how did you tolerate it how did you learn to deal with it building
on those strengths that they already have all-or-nothing thinking errors
These are things like love versus hate I love them or I hate them it’s all or
Nothing she does this all the time or she never does it if I’m going to do it
I’m going to do it perfectly or I’m not going to do it at all thank you all good
intentions or all bad intentions you know sometimes we do things with good
intentions that have some bad repercussions so did we do it with all
Bad intentions are all good intentions and the answer is neither most of the
time life is kind of in that middle-ground gray area encouraging clients to
Look and find examples where something hasn’t been one of the polls when have
they done something that they’re proud of that wasn’t perfect or when again
When has somebody else done something that they were proud of that wasn’t
perfect remembering that with availability
heuristic remembering how often something happens and how long it’s
been since you’ve seen that behavior and remember that sometimes good times are
amazing but how frequent are they compared with the bad times another thinking error is a belief in a
just world or a fallacy of fairness I just asked clients to identify for good
people you know who’ve had bad things happen and in in reality we all have bad
things happen good people do bad people do in between people do attributional
errors and this is a pet of mine you know labeling yourself is not a behavior so
global versus specific and I am stupid versus I’m stupid at math I don’t have
good math skills it’s not about me it’s about the skills I can change skills
stable I am and I always will be versus it’s something I can change it’s
something I can learn internally It’s about me as a person versus it’s about a
skill deficit or something I could learn or change and there’s you know lots of
information on attributions out there on the internet if you need a refresher on
it but we find that a lot of people who have dysphoria have negative global
stable internal attributions so questions for clients remember the
beliefs equal thoughts and facts plus personal interpretation another way of
saying it is reality is 10% perception is 10% reality and 90% interpretation so
what are the facts for and against my belief is the belief based on facts or
Feelings Does the belief focus on one aspect or the whole situation Does the
belief seem to use any thinking errors what are alternate explanations what
Would you tell your child or best friend if they had this belief how would you
want someone to tell what would you want someone to tell you about this belief so
If you’re telling somebody about this what are you hoping they’re going to say
in return and finally, how is this belief moving you toward what and who is
important to you or moving you away from what or who is important to you now they
can do a worksheet and have all of these or you can pick one or two of these
questions that are most salient for your clients but they can have kind of at
their fingertips so as they’re going through the day and something happens
They can ask themselves ok what’s an alternate explanation Or you know
Whatever it is this salient for that client’s irrational thoughts how do these
thoughts impact the client’s emotions health relationships and perceptions of
the world you know this is what we want to ask them How is this thought
impacting you globally how may this thought have been helpful in the past
Where did it come from How does it make sense from when you formed it in the
past when you’re dealing with it ask the person if the thought is bringing you
closer to those that are important Are there any examples of this thought or
belief not being true and how can the statement be made less global less
all-encompassing so it’s about a specific incident a specific situation
less stable which means you can change it and less internal which means it’s
not about who you are as a person but maybe something that you do or a skill
that you have so we’re going to go through some of these thoughts real
Quickly here mistakes are never acceptable and if I make one it means
that I’m incompetent well never is kind of stable and I am incompetent is kind
of global, that’s also that extreme all-or-nothing thinking so you can see
where these cognitive distortions end up leading to unhelpful beliefs
When somebody disagrees with me it’s a personal attack Well there’s
Personalization If I ever heard it before maybe it’s not about you may be
They’re having a bad day and you just happen to be the unlucky target or maybe
they’re disagreeing with you because they have a different point of view and
It’s not a personal attack it’s just their point of view If someone
criticizes or rejects me there must be something wrong with me
personalization all-or-nothing thinking global stable and internal something
wrong with me as a person to feel good about myself others must approve of me
Now this is one we’ve talked about external validation before and we can’t
control other people to feel good about yourself how can you do that
Besides necessarily requiring other people to approve of you to be
content in life I must be liked by all people Wow I’ve never met anybody who’s
liked by all people I’ve never even met anybody who’s been hated by all people
but it’s important to help clients see how this is dramatic to say all
people and for them to be content everybody has to like them
I mean I like to be liked but if everybody doesn’t like me you know
That’s pretty understandable My true value as an individual depends on what
others think of me I would challenge this one this is all you know
Also very personally I would challenge people to look at and say it
so your child’s value as an individual depends on what other people think of
Most people would say no but the perspective thing nothing ever turns
out the way you want it to okay all-or-nothing thinking and probably
availability heuristic if something bad just happened then they may be focusing
on that which causes them to focus on all the other bad things in the past
that have happened not to focus on that is okay you know bad thing
happen but look at all these good things I won’t try anything new unless I will
be good at it this fear of failure fear of rejection
It just really paralyzes a lot of people when they get stuck with that thinking
the area that they have to be perfect I am in total control of anything bad that
happens is my fault well that’s egocentric and personal if
They think they’re in total control that’s their perception of how the world
Do they think if they’ve got everybody on marionette strings anything
bad in the world that happens is their fault how powerful are they
I feel happy about uh if I feel happy about life something will go wrong
It happens sometimes but let’s look at times when you’ve been happy that
something hasn’t gone wrong you know let’s get rid of that all-or-nothing
thinking it’s not my fault my life didn’t go the way I wanted could be true
but it seems like that’s making you unhappy so what do we do about that if
I’m not in an intimate relationship I’m alone
No, again that’s pretty extreme I’m either in an intimate relationship or I
am alone and a loner and you know it’s just me and my 17 cats which follows
with there’s no gray area so encouraging people to look at what these
beliefs are saying important thoughts impact behaviors and emotional and
Physical reactions emotional and physical reactions impact thoughts and
interpretations of events so if you do something and it’s pleasurable
and you have a great physical reaction you know let’s take bungee jumping or
Skydiving if you go out there and it’s scary but you do it and you’re just like
Whoa what a rush Your interpretation of that is probably going to be good which
means you’ll probably do it again if you go out there and it’s just the most
horrible experience you’ve ever had you’re probably not going to do it again
and your interpretation of it is going to be not good which is going to make it
hard to understand why other people would do it irrational
thinking patterns are often caused by cognitive distortions so let’s just look
back at some of those because there are a lot fewer cognitive distortions or
general ways of thinking about the world then there are thinking errors because
There are lots and lots of thinking errors Cognitive distortions are often schemas
which were formed based on faulty inaccurate or immature knowledge or
understanding and by identifying the thoughts of the hecklers you know the
automatic tapes that maintain our unhappiness the person can choose
whether to accept those thoughts or change them.As found on YouTubeNatural Synergy $47.⁰⁰ New Non-Invasive Alternative. To Electro-Acupuncture, Producing Astounding Results… Self-Application Is Easy, Rapid Response. You’re about to discover how both chronic and acute pain, skin conditions, migraines, and hundreds of ailments all stem from the same root cause ꆛ Yin Yang Ailments🗯 such as➯➱ ➫ ➪➬ Chronic pain immunity⇝Chronic acid reflux⇝High blood pressure⇝Addictions⇝Fibromyalgia⇝Allergies⇝Osteoarthritis⇝Headaches⇝Low back⇝pain Asthma⇝Headaches⇝Depression and anxiety⇝Urinary problems… to name just a few…
This episode was pre-recorded
As part of a live continuing education webinar on-demand CEUs are
still available for this presentation through all CEUs registered at all
CEUs.com/counselor toolbox I’d like to welcome everybody to today’s
presentation we’re going to return to talking about vulnerabilities and this is a topic
We’ve covered it before, but you know I don’t seem to be able to say enough about it so we’re going to
talk some more about it we’re going to define what vulnerabilities are and you know I expand
the definition more than what occurred in dialectical behavior therapy because I think there
are a lot of other resources or vulnerabilities out there sorry I’m trying to read two things at
Once anyhow we’re going to identify some of the most common vulnerabilities as I define them so
We’re going to go beyond sleep in nutrition and we’re going to look at environmental vulnerabilities…
Dr. Dawn-Elise Snipes is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Qualified Clinical Supervisor. She received her PhD in Mental Health Counseling from the University of Florida in 2002. In addition to being a practicing clinician, she has provided training to counselors, social workers, nurses, and case managers internationally since 2006 through AllCEUs.com A direct link to the CEU course is https://www.allceus.com/member/cart/i…
Nurses, addiction and #mentalhealth#counselors, #socialworkers, and marriage and family therapists can earn #CEUs for this and other presentations at AllCEUs.com #AllCEUs courses are accepted in most states because we are approved as an education provider for NAADAC, the States of Florida and Texas Boards of Social Work and Mental Health/Professional Counseling, the California Consortium for Addiction Professionals and Professions.
As found on YouTubeAFFILIATE MASTERY BONUS: 6-Week LIVE Series Has Begun! FunnelMates $46.⁹⁵ Replays are Instantly Available. Want A Profitable Mailing List But Not Sure Where To Begin? We’ll Guide You, Equip You, and even PAY You Cash To Do It! ☃in 5-10 Minutes A Day Using Automation Software and our Time-Tested Strategy See How Your New Site Can Be Live In Just 27 Seconds From Now!
This episode was pre-recorded
As part of a live continuing education webinar on-demand CEUs are
still available for this presentation AllCEUs.com/Anxiety-CEU I’d like to welcome everybody to today’s
presentation on best practices for the treatment of anxiety I am your host, Dr. Dawn Elise Snipes now not too long ago we did
a presentation on strengths-based biopsychosocial approaches to addressing anxiety while
Those are wonderful you know I thought maybe we ought to look at you know what’s some of the
current research so I went into PubMed which is I don’t know it’s a playground for me it’s where
You find a lot of journal articles and you can sort I sorted by articles that were
done and meta-analyses that were done within the past five years so that gives us an idea
About current research I mean there’s a lot of stuff that is still the same like some of
The medications that were known to work ten years ago are still known to be you know good
first-line treatments but there are also some newcomers that we’ll talk about and there are
also some changes that we’re going to talk about so we’re going to explore some common causes
for anxiety symptoms in order to treat it, we really need to and of course, this does play into
the biopsychosocial aspect we really need to understand kind of what causes it because anxiety
that’s caused by for example somebody having a racing heart may be different than anxiety that’s
caused for somebody who has abandonment issues so we’re…
…It
can be incorporated in a lot of various places again where they’re not applying it or ingesting
it in any way all they’re doing is smelling it they’ve used it in defusing aromatherapy in
hospital emergency rooms and they found that it reduces stress and irritability the people in
emergency rooms and I’ve been to enough emergency rooms over the course of the years to know that
People who are in emergency rooms typically are not in the best mood so if it can help those people then
It’s probably going to have some sort of an effect so psychologically helping clients realize
that their body thinks there’s a threat for some reason that’s why it triggered the threat response
system which is what they call anxiety, so they need to figure out why is there really a threat
You know sometimes it’s like the fire alarm going off in my house it just means that the windows are
open and there’s a strong breeze there is no fire there is no problem there’s just a malfunction
It’s a false alarm A lot of times clients get this threat reaction they get this stress
reaction and it’s not a big deal right now so they can start modifying what their brain responds to
and again, those basic fears that a lot of people worry about failure rejection loss of control the
unknown and death and loss distress tolerance is one of those cognitive interventions that has
taken center stage in anxiety research and it isn’t about controlling your anxiety you know
helping people recognize their anxiety acknowledge it and say okay I’m anxious it is what it is
How can I improve the next moment instead of saying I’m anxious I shouldn’t be anxious I hate
being anxious and slang with that anxiety let it go just accept it is what it is have the client
learn to start saying I am feeling anxious okay so distracted don’t react because I explain to them
The whole notion of feelings comes in crest and go out in about 20 minutes It’s like a wave so once they
acknowledge their feeling if they can distract themselves for twenty or thirty minutes you know
Obviously, they figured out there’s no real threat if they can distract themselves for twenty or
thirty minutes those emotions can go down and then they can deal with it in their wise mind and encourage
them to use distancing techniques instead of saying I am anxious, or I am terrified or whatever
Have them say I am having the thought that this is the worst thing in the world I am having the
thought that I could not handle this because thoughts come and go and that comes from acceptance and
commitment therapy functional analysis makes it possible to specify where and when with what frequency
with what intensity and under what circumstances the anxious response is triggered so it’s
important that we help clients develop the ability to do functional analyses on their own so
when they start feeling anxious, they can stop and say okay where am I what’s going on how intense
Is it what are the circumstances, and they start really trying to figure out what causes this for
them so they can identify any common themes from their psychoeducation about cognitive distortions
and techniques to prevent those circumstances or mitigate them can be provided so if the client
knows that they get anxious before they go into a meeting with their boss and it’s usually a high
intensity of anxiety okay so we can educate them and help them identify what fears that may be related
to techniques to slow their breathing calm their stress reaction and help them figure out
times in the past when they’ve handled going in and talking to their boss and it really wasn’t
the end of the world you know there’s lots of different things we can do there for them there
but the first key and it gives them a lot of a huge sense of empowerment to start becoming
detectives in their own life and going okay now under what situations does this happen positive
Writing this was another really cool study each day for 30 days the experimental group and this
was high school-aged youth in China but you know the experimental group engaged in 20 minutes of
writing about positive emotions they felt that day so they’re writing about anything positive
that make them happy that made them enthusiastic give them hope whatever long-term expressive
writing positive emotions so after 30 days it appeared to help reduce test anxiety by helping
them develop insight and use positive emotion words so it got them out of the habit of using
the destruction and doom words and encouraged them to get in the habit of looking at the positive
things and being more optimistic it’s a really cool activity that clients can try it’s…The Market WeekSign Up For The Free Newsletter No nonsense, no spam, unsubscribe anytime You can unsubscribe at any time. Read our privacy policy. Financial disclaimer: The Market Week is a general interest newsletter that is not liable for the suitability or future investment performance of any securities or strategies discussed. Readers are advised that the material contained herein should be used solely for informational purposes. As a financial newsletter publisher of general and regular circulation, we cannot tender individual investment advice. Read our full disclaimer. https://is.gd/mycbgenie_The_Market_Week
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This episode was pre-recorded
as part of a live continuing education webinar on-demand CEUs are
still available for this presentation through all CEUs registered at all
CEUs comm slash counselor toolbox I’d like to welcome everybody today to the
presentation love me doesn’t leave me addressing fears of abandonment the purpose of this
presentation is really to help us help clients increase their awareness of their story including
beliefs about behavioral reactions to situations that trigger their fear of abandonment so how
do we do that well the first thing we need to figure out is what fear of abandonment is and how
can we identify it in a clinical set setting then we’re going to explore the concept of schemas or
core beliefs and these are things that are formed in early childhood you know if you remember
prior classes we’ve talked about early childhood cognition is generally very dichotomous in children
Young children can’t look at that gray area so these schemas if they’ve gone
unchecked can lead to some very extreme belief patterns which lead us into common traps in
thinking reacting and relationships if your schemas are based on all-or-nothing you either
love me or you’re going to leave me hence the name of the book then your reactions are going to
tend to be more extreme and more all-or-nothing which increases anxiety because then anytime
a person who perceives any amount of disapproval is going to go to that extreme so we
want to talk about bringing it more toward the middle line and helping people learn to appreciate
and love themselves for themselves while they may not approve of the behaviors of other people they can
still love other people so just because somebody doesn’t approve of your behavior doesn’t mean
necessarily that they’re going to abandon you so we’re going to talk about that and then we’ll
learn skills necessary to help people accept their past as part of their story maybe they do
have a lot of abandonment issues and you know some people do and it is painful it cuts
to the core especially when those abandonment issues occur in early childhood when kids going
what that does so we’re going to talk about that and help people learn how to integrate it into
their present and we’ll learn the skills necessary to acknowledge that their past does not have to
continue to negatively impact them in the present so if they were abandoned when they were a child
you know we need to deal with that however if they continue to expect that every significant person
in their life will abandon them notice I use the word every because we’re still in those extremes
then they’re going to think that the past is negatively impacting them in the present so we’ll talk about
how to sort of moderate those belief systems how does this impact recovery whether you’re talking
about addiction or mental health issues connection is a basic human need we are not meant for the
most part to be Hermits in the middle of the woods there are introverts and in my husband’s an
introvert he has a couple of excellent friends he needs quiet time each day he doesn’t need to
be surrounded by people and he’s fine but I mean we’ve got human connection he’s not going to be
one that’s just going to you know move out to the middle of nowhere I’m an extrovert on the other
hand and I tend to have a lot of acquaintances and a lot of friends I draw energy from
being around other people so just because someone doesn’t have 150 acquaintances doesn’t
necessarily mean they don’t need connections so we want to recognize that connection is a basic
human need when infants are born they are put on their mother’s chest when we embrace each
other whether it’s mother and child or friends or whatever a chemical called oxytocin is released
and it’s our bonding chemical we are programmed we are hardwired for connection and oxytocin is a
very rewarding chemical so we want to recognize this that if people are so afraid of abandonment
that they push everybody away what are they losing as far as quality of life as infants and children
survival is dependent upon the relationship with the primary caregiver so if mom or dad wasn’t
happy if mom or dad was rejecting the young child was pretty much helpless to think about a child
who’s growing up in a family that’s just riddled with addiction and mental health issues and the
primary caregiver or caregivers are completely emotionally unavailable they may be physically
there but they may be so high or so depressed or so psychotic that they cannot attend to the
child’s needs what does that communicate to the child the child feels abandoned the child
feels a sense of neglect for people’s beliefs about other people and relationships were formed largely
based on their interactions with their caregivers so if this child was going Mom I’m hungry and
nothing happened or worse yet child was going Mom I’m terrified and nothing happened or they
were just given a pacifier and told to shut up then that is they were told they were communicated
to that, their beliefs their feelings their wants, and their needs were not important so they were
being rejected healthy relationships serve up as a buffer against stress so even if they had all
these negative experiences in early childhood teenage years you know maybe up until
they walked into your office it doesn’t mean it has to continue and how much can they gain from
having healthy relationships with a lot of clients that I work with who have pretty significant
abandonment issues can’t even fathom trusting someone enough to be in a healthy relationship so
we’re going to talk about how to sort of ease into that because you’re not going to say don’t let
your past influence your future and we’ll wave a magic wand and they’re ready to trust people
even once you point out that what happened in the past was largely not their fault or maybe not
even if their fault at they they’re still going to have difficulty not accepting responsibility
and going everybody leaves me so what talk about that addressing beliefs that formed as a result
of these relationships the past dysfunctional relationships we can help people create a
new understanding of events was mom or dad or caregiver being rejecting were you being
abandoned emotionally and physically because of you or because mom or dad just was able to do what
they needed to do to be a caregiver then they were doing the best they could with
the tools they had but it wasn’t enough to meet your needs so we want to talk about alternate
explanations for why parents and caregivers may have behaved in that way if you have a young child well
an adult now but who was put up for adoption or abandoned by their caregivers at a young age the
a young child was probably very confused because one moment their caregiver was there in the
next moment they were in the system so they were trying to figure out what did they do wrong and why
doesn’t that person love me anymore it must be me because children really can’t see well you
know mom is not able to function as a parent right now or dad is having difficulty coping we
want to help people better understand themselves in their reactions so that when they start getting
this urge to just cut all ties and be like you know what fine you know I’ll take my ball and go
home no problem what does that mean at there’s a certain point in all relationships in all healthy
relationships that you know sometimes people have to distance themselves from one another because
it’s becoming dysfunctional but for the most part, people will in relationships encounter
hiccups will encounter disagreements but in healthy relationships, they can work through
them in relationships with people who fear abandonment there are going to be two extremes
there’s going to be complete compliance and please don’t leave me or complete disengagement
and whatever I don’t care the final thing we want to do is help make people more conscious of
what they’re doing so they can make healthy decisions in their current relationships so when
they get that urge to either comply or disengage is that a healthy normative reaction right now
or are you reacting out of your past experiences the abandonment experience in childhood survival
depends on caregivers a four-year-old left alone for five days is not going to do so well you
know they may be able to scavenge food but once the food runs out where do they get it you
know there’s only so much that a child can do an infant can’t even get food
so survival depends on their caregivers and if their caregivers fail to meet those needs there are
high levels of anxiety and I will refer regularly to emotionally unavailable caregivers
and emotionally absent in addition to physically unavailable or absent because some parents and I
worked in the field of co-occurring disorders for over two decades and some parents just they are so
overwhelmed and so paralyzed by life itself they can’t even attend to anything else that’s going
on they’re doing good just to be breathing but if they have a child and that child’s needs are
getting neglected and fear of abandonment is a natural survival response when your food source goes away
what happens you start to freak the freak out so this is normal we look at this and say that that’s
that’s natural if a child thinks about the first time you take a child to kindergarten or pre-k
or daycare or whatever it is and you drop the child off even if they’re securely attached what
do they cry because they’re afraid that mom or dad won’t come back and they’re afraid of
this new situation that’s changed securely attached children will you know to adjust and then be happy to
see mom or dad when they come back but the point is there’s that initial oh crap reaction meeting
biological needs and safety are key triggers for anxiety at any age so we’re talking about housing
we’re talking about safety we’re thinking about Maslow’s hierarchy if somebody is not meeting the
child’s needs or if the person is not getting their needs met then they may have high levels
of anxiety and I add to the safety concept not only physical safety but also emotional safety
people need to feel safe in their heads and they need to be free from emotional abuse when
focused on survival people can’t focus elsewhere so if they’re not getting their physical needs
met guess what you know if you take somebody who is in pain who is sick who is hungry and who is
homeless are they going to work on self-esteem are they going to work on relationship skills
no, they’re focused on survival they need to have those basic needs met they need to have a certain
sense of security if they are in a situation that is dangerous physically obviously they’re not
going to be focusing on how I can better myself when they’re worried about somebody coming in
and hurting them physically likewise, it’s hard to focus on how can I better myself when everywhere
they turn they perceive someone telling us you’re not okay you’re stupid you’re lazy you’re bad
you were the worst decision I ever made in my life they can’t focus on personal growth when
all they’re getting is these verbal beatdowns all the time so people need to have acceptance if
they don’t have acceptance kind the opposite of acceptance is abandonment two kinds of extremes
again we’ll bring it back to the middle every stressful situation becomes a crisis the in
securely attached child now you can go back to and read Bowlby’s work on secure and all that kind
of stuff great reading but for the short version of this presentation remember that certs securely
attached children feel anxiety when their parents leave but then they can adjust and they’re happy
to see the parents return in securely attached children feel a great amount of anxiety when
their parents leave and are terrified that mom or dad won’t come back and then when mom or dad does
come back it’s your very very clingy or very very rejecting so with this child that’s in securely
attached it’s just like one to a hundred as soon as something happens that they think they may be
abandoned you see this pattern again in adults who are still struggling with these abandonment issues
that schema that they’ve formed and I’m getting a little ahead of myself that schema that they form
says if you let this person at your site or if this person disagrees with you or if this person
criticizes you they’re rejecting you and they’re going to abandon you so we want to you know check
in with those cognitions and look for trying to make those thoughts a little bit more helpful in
infancy or early childhood if caregivers were away for long periods because of work because
of the military if they were in jail if they just chose to be away or if they passed away children
may experience some abandonment issues now if the parents are away because a parent is a way
because of work or military or even jail and the other parent can help the child work through it
there’s much less drama if you will there’s much less issue with abandonment issues in totality
now if it’s whatever parent it is if the pay if the father happened to be the one went away
that person may have some residual issues with adult figures in their life that they need to deal
with but they may not know I’m not saying that every child of a soldier or a service person
is going to have abandonment issues that are so not true however if the experiences of the time
apart was not handled in a way where the child felt secure then it could have consequences that
are going into the present day if in early childhood caregivers were consistently or unpredictably
physically or emotionally present so think about a parent who has major recurrent major depressive
disorder addiction or is just ill-equipped to deal with a child when I was working at the treatment
center in Florida I had 14 15 16 year old young women coming in and having babies and you know
what does a 14-year-old know about giving birth and raising a child it’s not that they weren’t
necessarily trying you know they didn’t have great role models raising them in most cases and so they
don’t have anything to work with they don’t know how to be a parent they’ve never been taught so
it’s not always I don’t want to pathologize or make the parents look like bad people because
I believe that people do the best they can with the tools they have at any given time parents
don’t choose to be sucky parents sometimes it happens but I don’t believe they choose to
anyhow off my soapbox in later childhood as the child becomes elementary school middle school
age if they’re a poor family fit or they feel like they’re the black sheep they just don’t
have the same beliefs that the other people do they don’t seem to have the same interest that
their family does they may not feel accepted especially if the family’s going no that’s wrong
to believe and invalidate them so going back to that psychological safety if they’re constantly
being told their ideas are stupid they’re wrong they have the wrong point of view and they can
feel very isolated something can happen that ruptures the relationship with the primary care
giver whether it’s abuse or you know some other trauma and introduction of a new less
emotionally or physically safe caregiver can also lead to abandonment if the child feels like the
biological caregiver chose a new spouse over him or her say if you see where I’m going with that
because if this new person comes in and is less safe is abusive in some way emotionally physically
sexually it doesn’t matter the child is going to feel like they didn’t have a voice the child
is going to feel like the biological caregiver didn’t care and brought this other person in
any way which leads to feelings of rejection and abandonment so what are the reactions
fight-or-flight whenever there’s a threat we fall back to fight or flight or freeze but we’ll
talk about that when there’s a threat our anxiety goes up and we say in the past in these kinds of
situations, if I fought, did I succeed if so then we’ve got fights in the past did I succeed, and if
the answer’s no then the response is to flee pretty simply so anger towards someone unavailable
if they got angry and felt like it got them some sort of acceptance from somewhere that might
be the prevailing reaction sadness when someone goes away a sense of helplessness this person
just left me shame or self-anger about feeling needy or about pushing someone away with fears related
to rejection and isolation, nobody will ever love my loss of control or the unknown everybody
always leaves see how I’m using these extreme words again and fear of failure I can’t maintain
a relationship nobody wants to be with me because I’m not good enough so the questions for clients
in these situations what caused these fears as a child so when someone starts to have these fears
about a relationship, if the relationship starts to get rocking first question is what is it that
you’re afraid of in this situation if you stay together what is it that you’re afraid of if this
the person leaves what is it you’re afraid of and how likely is it that this person is going to leave
based on whatever is going on right now so let’s get some objective evidence here and another
the tool you can use is the challenging questions worksheet in cognitive processing therapy if
you google it challenging questions worksheet CPT or cognitive processing therapy helps
people walk through the logic in some of their cognitions and identify some known as unhelpful
distortions so then after you figure out kind of what the fear is then we say what caused that as
a child in the past when you felt like this what caused that and how was this reasonable or helpful
you know in the past when you felt like this and you reacted in anger what was the outcome and
how was it helpful in some sort of way you know did it get somebody to pay attention to you did
it gets somebody to come to comfort you, okay so you were identifying the function of the current
behaviors and then we want to say what causes these fears now a lot of times it’s the same symp
or similar stuff but we could say how are these reactions now unhelpful because as independent you
know adult-type people we can fend for ourselves we can put food on the table we can go to work we
can do we can function independently whereas this is a child we couldn’t you know there were just
some barriers to that does that mean again that we should live in isolation and say well
I don’t need anybody no that’s not what I’m saying what I’m saying is is these fears that
are overwhelming about abandonment that causes people to push others away or cling on like you
know whatever clings on uh are these reactions helpful in the present day you know do you still
need to hold on to people like there’s no tomorrow temperament based on their temperament children
need different types and amounts of caregiver interaction um some children are wide open and
easily overstimulated you know my son was that way when he was born well to this very day um
when he’s awake he is like the Energizer Bunny on methamphetamine I’m he’s just going going
going and talking and talking to himself and he needed a lot of structure and he would get
overstimulated easily but we were able to help him figure out how to handle that instead of
getting mad at him for what seemed to be acting out we were able to help him channel and figure
out when he needed to take a break the introvert may not need as much one-on-one attention with
the caregiver may need a comforting word here and there but they may not need the amount of
the attention that an extrovert may need an extrovert tends to need more interaction with parents with
family with other people because they draw energy and they think while they talk and they think
while they talk with other people so they feel a lot more isolated if they are isolated so we
want to understand the person’s temperament and how they may or may not have gotten their needs
met how they may have been told they were wrong and invalidated when they were younger and you
can hear some of this is kind of going towards Linda hands DBT environment um but what we want to
look at what you need now how can we create an environment that’s accepting and welcoming
to you now based on their needs and caregivers’ reactions children form schemas or core beliefs
about the world and others so if they state their opinion and it’s squashed or it’s ridiculed then
they’re going to form this core belief that it is not safe ever to share my opinions because I am
always wrong now we’re talking about children here but a lot of times think back for yourself there I
think most of us have at least some all-or-nothing dichotomous thoughts that come in every once in
a while and you know we can catch them but if these dichotomies go unaddressed the person starts
feeling very lost and very abandoned because it’s all-or-nothing important points about children
under 7 from 8 to 12 children are developing alternative cognitive skills they’re
starting to be able to think abstractly they’re starting to be able to see the gray area and
alternate explanations but even you know during that period so zero to 12 children are having
difficulty envisioning all the possibilities so anything that happens before that we want to
encourage them to look at the schemas that were formed and challenge them to examine whether they
are currently accurate and helpful children think dichotomously when they’re that young it’s all
or nothing it’s good or bad it’s not kind of sort of something it is what it is I mean even think
about thinking back to grades that we would get it was satisfactory or unsatisfactory there was
no ABCD F when we were in elementary school and I don’t remember middle school then it was a
dichotomous grading scale you either did it or you didn’t children are egocentric so whatever happens
they say what was it about me that made this happen if mom’s in a bad mood what did I do if
you know Mom is rejecting stupid well I’m stupid children are very egocentric so you take
all or nothing combined with all about me and you can see we’re creating the perfect storm of children
can only focus on one aspect at a time when I work with adult clients you know they come in and they
tell me that they had an interaction with their boss he was walking down the hall and he was in a
bad mood and I just knew I did something and so we talked about that and I’m like how do you know
that because he had it he had an angry look on his face okay what are some other possibilities what
else might have been going on with him then and a lot of times we can brainstorm
ideas about a call he just got or where they just left a meeting that didn’t go so well or who
knows what else in this day and time when we’ve got our cell phones and PDAs and everything
there are a lot of things that can trigger a mood besides just whoever you pass in the hallway
children can’t think about those other things that might have triggered the mood they see somebody
unhappy and they’re like I’m sorry um so we want to encourage as adults we want to encourage them
to say all right what are the other possibilities even as children I try to work with my kids
to encourage them to look at alternate reasons why somebody may be acting a certain way children
can’t think abstractly and consider those possible options um even with kids you know knee-high
to a grasshopper if you’re in a situation and maybe in a store and somebody behaves not kindly
to you, you can talk about that later with the kids and say you know that was kind of unpleasant to go
through what you think might have caused that and brainstorm three ideas my favorite number is
three I don’t know why but brainstorm three ideas for alternate explanations for why that person
may have been in an unpleasant mood if children learn to do this when they’re younger it’s a
a lot easier to transition to as adults schemas are a broad way of perceiving things based on
memories feelings and thoughts it’s our go-to perception of what something’s going
to be like we have schemas about everything if you go to church you have a schema about what’s
going to happen when you go to your mother’s house you have a schema about how mom’s going to
behave and what’s going to happen we form these it’s our brain’s short shortcut instead of having
to analyze every situation it says oh I remember this been here before it’s probably going to be
like X Y Z unfortunately sometimes things change and one of the things we see in addictions
treatment as is as caregivers into recovery and get a hold on it and start working that
a new way of life and sobriety and all that stuff old family members or family members still expect
that old behavior they have that schema that when Jane comes in this is what’s going to happen
because they’re remembering how she behaved and acted in her addictive self so we want to help
people identify their schemas and check them sometimes they’re still accurate sometimes not so
much schemas that trigger abandonment fear center around the cell acceptability is this person going
to like me which is one of the reasons we do a lot of self-esteem work in reducing abandonment fears
because we want to reduce the need for people to solicit external validation we want them to say
I’m all that and a bag of chips and I would love to play with you but if you don’t want to play
I’m okay with that love ability if they were told they were unlovable if they perceived
they were unlovable then in the present, they may fear isolation they may fear that they’re not
lovable so they will try to do whatever they can or likewise they will build a lead wall that is 5
feet thick around them so nobody can hurt them they may have fears about their own
competence you know thinking back to Erikson you never thought some of these theorists from the
past would keep coming up even in current practice but they do if a child going through that period
of industry versus inferiority Erik Erikson’s stages of psychosocial development and they felt
like a failure all the time or they were never good enough the parents never recognized their
positive achievements then they may question their competence and feel like a failure if they
feel like a failure they may feel they may believe that nobody wants to be around them so they will
leave so if I fail they will leave and fears may center around adaptability some people are not
able to tolerate any loss of control they’re just like that they’re holding on with a death grip to
the relationship to anything that’s going on and it starts to go wonky they are going to freak out
so we want to look at what does it mean if you’re not in control of everything what does it mean
if you trust that this person is going to do the next right thing if you are doing the next right
thing as well schemas that trigger abandonment fears can also be sent around center around others
if someone is rejecting distant cold or is unable to handle the person’s needs then the person may not
feel acceptable so if they are in relationships with people like this then we need to look at is
Is it you who’s not acceptable or is something else going on with that person that may be making
them unable to deal with anybody else’s stuff right now the person may feel isolated if other
people are absent if people fail to keep promises they may feel like nobody’s ever there for them
competence if other people are always critical then the person will question their competence
and if others are unpredictable a lot of the time when people who have anxiety about abandonment
they come from situations where other people have not been predictable or if they were they were
unpredictably absent and relationship of self to others if they are afraid about their ability to
relate with others if they’re afraid of rejection if they’re afraid that if they start to love they
will be rejected and then they will be isolated forever if they are afraid of the unknown and they
I just want consistency more than anything and as soon as consistency starts to waver a little
bit because as we grow things change and people with abandonment issues don’t like things to
change because that’s not predictable and that’s not consistent so they may have difficulty if one
the person starts to change what they do I see this a lot not saying that it’s an abandonment issue
necessarily but when law enforcement officers retire you know because they can retire after
20 years so they may start a new career and that causes a lot of change schedule changes
they’re not law enforcement anymore and the spouse sometimes has culty adjusting to it as
does the retired officer but controllability if the person holds on to relationships and
everything in their life with white knuckles because they’re so afraid if they let go of
control that they are going to disappear or disintegrate then if something seems like it’s not
in their control, it’s going to be a catastrophe so attachment Styles secure if there’s an
emotionally available caregiver the child will seek the caregiver for comfort and guess
what the caregiver will be there and will more often than not meet the need for comfort with the
the correct type of comfort so hungry cold scared kind of following the child’s upset when the caregiver
leaves especially in new situations but the child gets over it it’s not a child that’s going to sit
there and cry for eight hours and then the child’s happy when the caregiver returns in this kind of
attachment the child learns to trust others will be responsive to their needs and validate their
needs a child learns to be self-reliant and try new things but if they fail they know they can
return to the home base they can go out and go well that didn’t go as planned and the caregiver will be
there to say alright let’s figure out what to do next not You are such a failure the child learns
to adapt to a variety of situations because when they’ve been faced with something that’s a little
scary caregivers have been there to kind of coach them on and go you got this it’s scary I got it but
you can do it the child learns to deal with stress because the caregivers are there to coach them
or to process it with them afterward because the caregiver is not always physically there but if
you’ve got children you know sometimes they’ll come home from school and they’ve had a really
bad day and you’d pull them aside and go you know what’s going on let’s talk about it so in this way
the child learns to deal with stress and the child learns to have accurate expectations of others
in the secure attachment, emotionally available situation remember children are egocentric so
if mom’s upset the child goes what did I do or Oh my gosh I hope mom’s not going to leave in
a secure situation sometimes the parent has to say something like Mommy had a really bad day at
work today has nothing to do with you I need to go take a timeout that helps a child understand
that you know what it’s not all about me and I can understand that sometimes moms upset for
something besides me and I can understand that if moms Up said it doesn’t mean she’s going to
leave so obviously, this is the ideal situation avoidant attachment styles the rejecting or harsh
caregiver the person depends less on the caregiver for security because every time they go saying mom
Mom I had a nightmare can I come into bed with you they’re met with going back to your bed and the
caregiver rolls over it’s not oh I’m sorry you had a nightmare let me walk you back to your room
when the child is separated from the caregiver there’s little response when the caregiver leaves
or returns because the kids like what uses that person to me the child learns not to depend on
a caregiver for comfort connection or security now imagine yourself a four-year-old child or a
six-year-old child thinking I can’t count on my caregivers for comfort connection or security
that must be a terrifying place to be and I can see why you would develop some pretty strong
defense mechanisms the ambivalent relationship between the cave caregiver is inconsistent or can bow can’t
talk caregiver is inconsistent or chaotic this is true in a lot of homes where there are
at least one parent who is battling some sort of addiction or mental health issue so the parent
may or may not be available you don’t know what the good days are going to be you don’t know what
the bad days are going to be so the child may be anxious and afraid to try new things or explore
because they’re like things are going good right now I don’t want to top will be an applecart just
going to sit here and ride it out a child may be clinging and demanding trying to elicit a response
remembering negative attention is better than no attention at all and the child is upset when the
caregiver leaves but also inconsolable when the caregiver returns because you know I was upset
I was scared you went away but you came back and that’s good but I don’t know when you’re going
to go away again and if you’re going to come back so it’s this constant anxiety of abandonment
core abandonment beliefs all people leave so we want to challenge that by identifying exceptions
mistrust people will hurt reject take advantage of me or just not be there when I need them you
know what that’s true sometimes because people have their stuff so when this happens let’s
look at whether it’s happening all the time and/or let’s also look at what else might be going on
with that person that caused them to hurt reject take advantage or not be there when you needed
the emotional deprivation I never get the love I need nobody understands me cares about me or even
ever tries to meet my needs here how dramatic and extreme that is so one of the things as clinicians
we can do is say if you are getting the love you needed what would it look like what
would be different what is it that you need that you’re not getting once we identify
then we can create a plan to get it but a lot of times other people don’t understand or may not
be able to interpret what you need so let’s help let’s try to figure out how to make this happen
nobody understands me alright let’s talk about why that might be and you know let’s look at some
people who’ve kind of gotten a grasp sometimes with clients with abandonment beliefs nobody
understands me translates to I don’t give a buddy a chance and I cut them off as soon as they become
confused and because they associate confusion with rejection so we might talk about communication
skills we might work on what it is that people don’t understand and how to better communicate
that and where to find people who have similar interests nobody ever even tries to meet my needs
you know where I would look for exceptions but I would also challenge the person and I would
say when do you meet your needs what do you do to take care of yourself a lot of times
clients with abandonment beliefs are so freaked out and afraid of being abandoned that they’re
not taking care of themselves either they’re just living and paralyzed going back to fight
flee or freeze they’re living a paralyzed state of I want to be loved but if I love I’m gonna get
hurt and I don’t know what to do they don’t even love themselves so we want to start talking about
if you had your best friend you know create this best friend persona what would he or she say to
you what would he or she do right now let’s try to help you understand yourself with mindfulness exercises
are good here because a lot of times these clients don’t understand themselves they’ve got
so much anxiety they’re so afraid and they don’t know where it’s coming from because a lot of
it has been going on for so long defectiveness if people knew me they would reject me you know
not everybody’s going to like you why do you need everybody to like you why is it important that
everybody likes you and failure I don’t measure up and I’m not able to succeed I usually put pull
out the obnoxious quote that if you haven’t failed you haven’t tried and we talked about what it
means to get outside your comfort zone and you’re not going to be perfect at everything you’re not
going to be Michael Phelps you’re not going to be the president of the United States that doesn’t
mean that you’re a failure that doesn’t mean you’re a failure so what things are you
good at what can you and have you succeeded at and go back and look over things like you graduated
high school not everybody does that you know raised a family, not everybody does that so we
want to challenge all nothing’ languages we want to look for exceptions and we want to look
for in what ways can you provide yourself the validation so you don’t fear abandonment you don’t
need other people to tell you you’re okay because guess what you’re telling yourself I’m okay and
before I go on to unhelpful reactions I do want to point out that if we tell people to tell
themselves you know I’m okay that sounds great but if they don’t believe it if it’s not supported
with evidence, it’s probably going to slow their growth because they’re sitting there going
telling themselves I’m okay and in the back of their head going you know you’re not so we need
to get that internal critical voice to kind of hush up by providing the person with the objective
evidence of why they’re okay why they’re good enough and that’s a slow process it’s not going
to happen overnight but encourage people to figure out why they believe what they believe and then
you can work from there okay unhelpful reactions fighting with someone you don’t want to leave
me because so the person may engage in a dominant sort of posturing behavior aggression hostility
blaming and criticizing trying to tear down the other person to say you know what I don’t care
and it would help if you were grateful that I’m in your life recognizing and seeking to get attention and validation
or approval so if they feel something’s going wrong in a relationship they may start trying to
do something to gain recognition to prove that they’re worthy of a relationship for what they do
versus who they are manipulation and exploitation said lying justifying I did this because you made
me so sometimes we all occasionally do things that aren’t the nicest people who fear abandonment
have difficulty saying you know what I screwed up and they’re more likely to go you made me do
I wouldn’t have done it if you would have X Y & Z people again who are worried about a relationship
is going to fall apart and may also make excuses for other people’s inappropriate behavior it’s like
you know I hate what this person does but if I don’t make excuses for it if I condemn it
then this person is going to leave in counseling we can talk about the difference between loving a
person and loving a person’s behavior you know I love my kids to death there is no question about
that but some of their behavior makes me want to climb a wall I’m very clear to separate from them
the difference between the behavior that I dislike and them because you know like I said I love them
to pieces and we want to help people start making this differentiation if they don’t do it already
and clinging and chasing is the other fight reaction stalking and messaging somebody 47 times on
Facebook in an hour all these kinds of behaviors and even online bullying those sorts of things can
be fight reactions in response to feeling like there’s a threat of abandonment flight is more
of the I don’t care if you leave so the person will withdraw physically and emotionally and
maybe even numb themselves with some sort of addictive behavior or distract themselves with
something completely different or find a new person just proof that you know what I didn’t
need you because I’ve got this new person now questions for clients about core beliefs
all people leave okay so what does it look like if somebody’s available to you if they
don’t abandon you who in your past left you or was unavailable emotionally now a lot of
I find it helpful for mental health and addiction clients to have them write an
autobiography because then we can go back and kind of review it and identify the core
people at certain stages in a person’s life what did the person who left you do to make you
feel rejected or abandoned in retrospect you know it was hard to see the difference what
was going on back then because you were a kid in retrospect what are the alternate explanations
for why this may have happened was it you or was it more about them who in your past
has been available to you emotionally most of the time people can point to one maybe two people
who have generally been there it’s unreasonable to expect someone always to be there who in your
present is available to you emotionally you know maybe they’ve only been in your life for six
months or a year but they are available and I say emotionally because you know not everybody can
be available physically all the time we’ve got jobs kids all that kind of stuff but can you pick
up the phone and call them or text them and say hey you know what I’m struggling right now
what do you do in your current relationships that cause people to leave do you push them away if so
how what are alternatives to pushing them away cutting all ties and just saying fine be that way
I wipe my hands off you if you cling how do you do this in what ways do you perceive yourself as
being clinging and what are some alternatives to holding on with all desperation and mistrust people
will hurt reject or take advantage of me or just not be there when I need them so again what does
it looks like when somebody’s or what does it feel like when someone is trustworthy and safe who in
your past was untrustworthy or unsafe what do they do they taught you this and what are alternate
explanations who in your past has been trustworthy and safe who in your present is available and
trustworthy What do you do to yourself that is unsafe or dishonest that’s one of those tricky
questions you’re there talking about other people other people then it’s like what
do you do to yourself how do you lie to your self or how are you mean and hateful to yourself
how does your distrust of other people or even yourself impact your current relationships some
people distrust their internal intuition so much that they don’t want to make friends with
other people, they’re like I can’t tell who’s going to hurt me and who won’t so just yeah I’m
going to wipe my hands of it all what could you do differently what do you think you could do
to start building trust and what does it look like to build trust because Trust doesn’t
just appear it builds gradually emotional deaths deprivation I don’t get the love I need nobody
understands me so again what does it look like when somebody understands you and meets your
needs who in the past failed to meet your needs emotionally and how can you deal with that now
you know it may have been mom it may have been ex-husband it may have been you know who knows
how can you deal with it now yourself so you can put it to rest who in your past is understood
you who in your present understands you how can you start again better understanding yourself
because it’s hard for other people to understand us when we don’t even understand ourselves and
what can you do to start getting your needs met one of the things was starting to get your own
needs met is to figure out what your needs are and this is one of the exercises I have people do as
a homework assignment they keep track of what is it they want daily keep a log and then
let’s talk about what common themes were seeing if people knew me they would reject me okay so how
do you know when you’re accepted or acceptable to someone who when you’re past may make you feel
defective are there alternate explanations and how can you silence those old tapes because
that person that statement stays as a heckler in the gallery we need to hush the heckler what
can you do part of it could be talking back and saying you know what I’m not going to listen
or I don’t have time for this right now who’s been accepting and supportive who is in your life
that’s accepting and supportive and how can you start accepting yourself and being compassionate
so some compassion focus training mindfulness work to help people understand themselves and start
being compassionate with themselves understanding their vulnerabilities and cutting themselves some
slack I don’t measure up I’m not able to succeed okay that’s a pretty big success you know what
is what success means success means different things to different people so what does it look
like to you to be successful let’s kind of hammer that out what is it if you are successful what
would be different what in your past has made you feel like a failure what are some alternate
ways of viewing it such as a learning experience or something I had to go through to grow or you
know brainstorming alternate explanations for why people fail they don’t have a response to
sometimes I ask them to kind of take on a flip role and say pretend you’re a parent and
your child comes home and they’ve tried out for the football team and they didn’t make the team
they failed what are you going to tell on what have you succeeded at doing in the past what are
you good at in the present and we want to pay attention to minimization here because a
a lot of our clients are not good at identifying their strengths what does being successful mean in
terms of your relationship with others do you have to be successful to be loved and be a
good relationship you know you’re going to be successful in a relationship if you’re
but do you have to be financially successful and powerful whatever you define success as in
order to be in healthy relationships who are three successful people you know and what makes
them successful in your eyes does success equal happiness you can do a whole group on that and
what do your kids need to do to be successful in life you know we want our kids to succeed we
want our kids to be happy so what is it that I envision my child’s life to be 10 to 15 years from
now triggering relationships the abandoner is unpredictable unstable and unavailable the
abusive relationship is untrustworthy and unsafe the deprived err depriving relationship the
a person is detached or withholding the Devastator is always judgmental rejecting and critical and
the critic is critical and narcissistic usually a lot of times people replay their past to try to
kind of get it right the second time so we want to look at do you have a habit of getting into
relationships with people who are not safe we can also ask them how do you exhibit these behaviors
in what ways are these behaviors present your current relationships and in what ways were these
present and your primary caregiver relationships behavioral triggers abandonment and mistrust
if somebody starts acting differently they change their behavior in some way a person who fears
abandonment goes oh that’s not good if they’re not getting constant reassurance that’s
that external validation can trigger abandonment fears so again we want to work
on internal validation and why is it that you feel you need constant reassurance from the other
person’s relationships feel threatening so work relationships those sorts of things the
a person who has abandonment issues won’t want their significant other around other people
and they become hyper-vigilant to rejection and disconnection even if it’s just somebody
going I had a really bad day I need 20 minutes and go into the room and shut the door
the person with abandonment issues will likely have a high level of anxiety so we want to ask
how these behaviors have threatened them in the past what are alternate explanations for why this
is happening with this person right now and what would be a helpful reaction to these behaviors
now so this is happening what would be a helpful reaction instead of assuming that the sky is
going to fall defectiveness and failure so if somebody is critical if they have unexplained time
apart there’s absent or inconsistent reassurance or if the person tells them they’re a failure
these or they fail at something these could all be behavioral triggers they could be like I
failed at something I’m not getting reassurance this relationship is fixin’ to end questions how
is this threatened you in the past alternate explanations and what would be a helpful
reaction to this particular situation right now envisioning activity what does a healthy
the relationship looks like presence versus abandonment acceptance versus rejection emotional support
versus emotional unavailability trustworthy versus untrustworthy and safe versus harmful
these are extremes what does it look like to be a middle ground there are going to be exceptions
you know things are going to happen so what does a healthy relationship look like and how do you
deal with exceptions if somebody’s not always present how can you create this relationship with
yourself that’s the big one and then how can you create this relationship with others’ mindfulness
questions what am I feeling what’s triggering it am I safe right now and if not what do I need to
is this bringing up something from the past if so how is this different how am I different
then I was when I was six or four and how can I silence my inner critic and finally what
would be a helpful reaction that would move me more toward my goals and a positive
emotional experience summary core beliefs about the self and others are formed in early
life due to children’s lack of knowledge of other experiences and primitive cognitive abilities
these core beliefs are often very dichotomous core beliefs can be formed around events or
experiences outside of the conscious memory identifying and being mindful of abandonment
triggers in the present can help people choose alternate more helpful ways of responding in
the present in Secure and Loved loved me don’t leave me are two excellent books
there are Google previews if you want to look at them to see if it’s something that you like
but they do take what we talked about in this presentation and expand upon it a whole bunch
more if you enjoy this podcast please like and subscribe either in your podcast player or on
YouTube you can attend and participate in our live webinars with Doctor Snipes by subscribing
at all CEUs comm slash counselor toolbox, this episode has been brought to you in part by all
CEUs com provides 24/7 multimedia continuing education and pre-certification training to
counselors therapists and nurses since 2006 used coupon code consular toolbox to get
a 20% discount off your order this month you As found on YouTubeSeanCooper🗯 The Shyness & Social Guy ⇝ The 3 WORST Mistakes You Must AVOID If You Want To Overcome Shyness (PLUS: 1 weird trick that targets the root biological cause of shyness so you can stop being nervous, awkward, and quiet around people…) http://flywait.darekw.hop.clickbank.net/ By Sean Cooper, The Shyness & Social Anxiety Guy. The fact that you’re reading this article tells me you may have already reached a point where you feel your shyness is NOT going away on its own… or you fear it’s getting worse and worse. And I don’t want you to waste one more day living a life where you feel left out, bored, or depressed because you don’t have the relationships which would make you happy. That’s why I’ve put together this page to help you avoid the worst mistakes that keep many people stuck with shyness for years… often giving up hope of ever improving as you watch other people have interesting “normal” lives without you. Yet this doesn’t have to happen.
this episode was pre-recorded
as part of a live continuing education webinar on-demand CEUs are
still available for this presentation AllCEUs.com/Anxiety-CEU I’d like to welcome everybody to today’s
presentation on best practices for the treatment of anxiety I am your host, Dr. Dawn Elise Snipes now not too long ago we did
a presentation on strengths-based biopsychosocial approaches to addressing anxiety while
those are wonderful you know I thought maybe we ought to look at you know what’s some of the
current research so I went into PubMed which is I don’t know it’s a playground for me it’s where
you find a lot of journal articles and you can sort I sorted by articles that were
done and meta-analyses that were done within the past five years so that gives us an idea
about current research I mean there’s a lot of stuff that is still the same like some of
the medications that were known to work ten years ago are still known to be you know good
first-line treatments but there are also some newcomers that we’ll talk about and there are
also some changes that we’re going to talk about so we’re going to explore some common causes
for anxiety symptoms to treat, we need to and of course, this does play into
the biopsychosocial aspect we need to understand kind of what causes it because anxiety
that’s caused by for example somebody having a racing heart may be different than anxiety that’s
caused for somebody who has abandonment issues so we’re gonna treat the two things differently so
we want to look at some of the common causes we’re gonna look at some common triggers for anxiety
Do you know what are some of these common themes that we see in practice I will ask you to share
some of the themes that you see that underline or underlie a lot of your client’s anxiety and
identify current best practices for anxiety management including counseling interventions
medications physical interventions and supportive treatments so we care because anxiety can
be debilitating and a lot of our clients have anxiety a lot of our clients have anxiety
comorbid with depression and they’re looking at us going how can I feel anxious and stressed out
and like I can’t sit still and be depressed at the same time you know when you’re depressed you’re
supposed to want to sleep well a lot of times people who have both issues want to
sleep but they can’t so I want to help clients understand that also sometimes anxiety when
people are anxious for long enough the body starts kind of holding on to the cortisol the body
recognizes at a certain point this is a losing battle I’m not going to put energy into
this anymore so it starts withdrawing some of its excitatory neurotransmitters so to speak and
people will start to feel depressed the brain has already said this is hopeless this is
you’re helpless to change the situation so then people start feeling hopeless and helpless
which is sort of the definition if you will of depression low-grade chronic stress and anxiety
arose energy and people’s ability to concentrate so if we’re going to help them become their uber
selves we need to help them figure out how to address anxiety not just generalized overwhelming
debilitating anxiety but also panic social anxiety and those minor anxiety triggers that come along
that may not meet the threshold for diagnosis anxiety is a major trigger for addiction relapse
if you have a client who is self-medicated before or had an addiction for some reason anxiety is a
major trigger increased physical pain when anxiety goes up people tend to tense their muscles when
they tense their muscles they tend to feel more pain I mean think about when you’re stressed you
tend to have more pain like in your neck your back and things that already hurt may hurt more
why because serotonin which is one of our major anti-anxiety neurotransmitters is also one of our
major pain modulators so when serotonin levels are too low because anxiety is high then our pain
perception is going to be more acute and people can have sleep problems if they’re stressed out
your body thinks there’s a threat you’re not going to be able to get into that deep restful
sleep you may have you may sleep you may sleep a lot but it’s probably not quality sleep which
means your neurotransmitters may get out of whack your hormones make it out of whack and your body
is going to start perceiving yourself in a persistent state of stress when you’re exhausted
the body knows that we may be the weakest link in the herd so it continues to secrete cortisol
to keep you on alert a little bit so you may again you may be resting kind of like when
you have a new baby at home those first couple of months that my children were home from the
hospital I slept but I didn’t sleep well I mean the slightest little noise and I was awake and I
was looking around and you know I felt it I felt exhausted and a lot of new parents do so triggers
for anxiety abandonment and rejection and we’re going to talk about ways we might want to deal
with these things but some of the underlying themes that I’ve seen in a lot of clients and when
I do the research and a lot of what themes that come out include low self-esteem if someone has
low self-esteem they’re looking to be externally validated oftentimes they’re looking for somebody
else to tell them you’re lovable you’re okay so that can lead to anxiety about not having
people to tell them you’re okay which makes their relationships tenuous and can make them
dysfunctional irrational thoughts and cognitive distortions may lead people to believe that if I’m
not perfect for example I am not lovable so we’re going to look at some irrational thoughts and
cognitive distortions unhealthy social supports and relationships when you’re in a relationship
it takes two to tango and even if your client is relatively mentally and physically healthy if they
are in a dysfunctional relationship they can fear abandonment and rejection if that other person
is always saying if you don’t do X I’m going to leave you or if that other person is always
cheating on them or whatever so relationships can trigger abandonment anxiety and ineffective
interpersonal skills can lead to relationship turmoil and social exile if our clients are in
relationships even if they’re not completely dysfunctional if our clients are not able to ask
for what they need and set appropriate boundaries and manage conflict effectively because conflict
happens in every relationship then they may start to argue more which may lead to fearing may lead
to relationships ending in the past and them going well every relationship I get into ends which
means I must not be lovable so they start fearing abandonment and rejection these are four areas
that we can look at one more assessing clients another issue is the unknown and loss of control
a lot of times negative self-talk and cognitive distortions can contribute to that if I don’t have
control of everything then it’s all going to be a disaster negative others when clients hang out
or when people hang out with negative people it kind of wears on you after a while you notice
that people who tend to be more negative pessimistic conspiracy-minded tend to hang out
with people who are also negatively pessimistic and conspiracy-minded so if you’re hanging out with
somebody who tends to be anxious then the anxiety can be palpable and it can kind of permeate
physical complaints can lead people to be anxious because they don’t know what’s causing it
like I said earlier sometimes if your heart starts to race if you don’t know what’s causing it you
can start thinking I’m having a heart attack or I’m gonna die when people have panic attacks for
the example they truly think they’re having a heart attack and it’s I’ve had them they are very
very unpleasant experiences but when people start having physical complaints and it can be you
know they have a weird rash that they can’t get to go away or whatever but when they don’t know
what it is and they can’t control it they can’t make it go away they start thinking about all
the worst-case scenarios and going online and getting on WebMD which usually gives you all the
worst-case scenarios um so physical complaints are important we need to normalize the fact that
nobody’s pain-free all the time and you know the fact that you may have an ache or a pain or a lump
or a bump or you know a cough most likely you know when we look at probability the probability of it
being something significant is pretty small now do you want to get it checked out probably but
you know the probability that is anything to be worried about is relatively small and a sense
of powerlessness can trigger fear of the unknown and loss of control for somebody who doesn’t
feel like they have any agency in their life if they have an external locus of control or
if they felt victimized all of their life then they may fear not being in control they may be
holding on and saying okay this is the one area of my life I can control when I grew up you know
I grew up in a very chaotic environment I had no control I was bounced around in the foster system
yadda yadda yadda now that I’m an adult you know I can control these things and I am going to hold
on with white knuckles and if I can’t control everything then that terrifies me to death and
loss are other triggers for anxiety and it can be people or pets and pets are important I don’t
want to minimize pets because you know they are little parts of a lot of our families so making
sure we check that my daughter’s dog for example is it’s getting old she’s getting older she’s 14
now I think and you know she’s in decent health we took her to the vet and the vet said yeah she’s
got a little heart murmur but that’s expected for a 14-year-old dog and but when she goes out if she
doesn’t come back when I call her I have this rush of anxiety for a second oh my gosh I hope this
wasn’t the day so anxious around losing people and you know if she when she crosses the bridge
she will and you know I’m okay with that I’m I have a harder time dealing with my daughter’s
emotional turmoil when that happens and because she’s grown up with this dog so you know those
are the types of things that we want to talk about with our clients what things are weighing on you
that you may not even be thinking about because I know in the back of my mind there’s always that
worry about one of our donkeys and her dog jobs and promotions can trigger anxiety if people are
afraid they’re gonna lose their job if they’re always afraid that you know they’re gonna walk in
and get a pink slip or get fired you know we want to help them look at how realistic they are
you doing what you need to do to achieve and keep your job and sometimes it’s not easy to
answer I mean the first thought that a lot of us have is well you know if you’re doing the right
thing so just do it but there are those bosses out there and I’ve had some amazing bosses
a lot of them and I’ve had two horrendous bosses and those two bosses I could never I
never felt like I was able to do anything right and so going to those jobs there was always this
anxiety about what I’m what am I going to get in trouble for today so you want to talk with people
about does your job cause anxiety what can you do to moderate that anxiety the same thing with
promotions people may get anxious about whether they’re going to get promoted to safety and security
you know when you lose safety and security you can feel anxious so if there’s a break-in at
the house next door or shooting down the road or you start watching the news you can feel very
unsafe and insecure quickly so we want to help people figure out how safe and secure are you
really and a lot of it goes back to really looking at facts when people lose their dreams and hopes
or fear that they’re going to lose their dreams and hopes they can start to get anxious you know
they have this dream that they’re going to be a doctor or I just finished the presentation on
helping high school students transition to college and a lot of high school students for example
start college with these wide eyes and hopes to save the world and they want to be doctors
and engineers and this and that and they get into it and they realize that it’s a lot harder
then they thought or they realize that you know what I don’t like this but I’ve already
committed to it so what do I do I want to help people but I can’t I can’t cut it doing this you
know for me I figured out in my second year that I wasn’t going to medical school because I wasn’t
going to pass calculus and that caused a lot of anxiety it was like okay what am I gonna do now
Do you know what career should I choose to help people figure out do they have dreams that have
maybe kind of crashed and burned and you have to find new ones you know okay that one we’ve got to
accept it figure out that it’s not going to be and what can you do now people may also have dreams
about relationships, they get into relationships and see themselves with this person forever
and then this relationship ends and or starts to get rocky and they’re like but that’s my dream
what happens if that’s got to happen because it’s my dream I don’t know how to function if
that goes away we want to help people be able to rewrite their narrative and then sickness spiders
and other phobias kind of go in with death a lot of times when people get sick they start getting
anxious that oh my gosh what if this is terminal oh my gosh what if this is you know incurable
if I get bit by a spider it’s gonna kill me and which is rare you know there are very few spiders
that is that poisonous same thing with snakes going over bridges I’ve shared with you all
that is not one of my irrational fears you know I am just terrified that you know something’s going
to happen and I’m going to get pushed off the side of the bridge which is completely irrational but
we need to help people look at those and identify the thoughts that they’re telling themself about
those phobias and dealing with that anxiety failure is another trigger for anxiety especially in
this culture our culture American culture is in large part puts a high premium on success
and perfectionism so when people realize that they’re not perfect they may start to get anxious
because they feel like if I’m not perfect then I’m a failure you know those cognitive distortions of
all-or-nothing thinking and they start with that negative self-talk you know you can’t do anything
right so those are some of the issues that you know we often see in counseling sessions so what
do we do you know somebody comes in and is like I can’t live this way doc anxiety depression and
substance disorders as well as a range of physical disorders are often comorbid so this is the first
the thing we need to realize is that we’re very rarely dealing with a very simple
diagnosis you know when somebody comes in we need to figure out you know if they come in and they’re
presenting with depression all right let’s talk about that and then we start realizing that there
depression started to occur after a long period of being anxious okay so we need
to deal with that but we also need to help them with their sense of hopelessness and helplessness
we need to develop that sense of empowerment and then substance disorders we know that substance
use is often a way of self-medicating but we also know that it monkeys with the neurochemicals
in the brain and can contribute to anxiety and depression the same thing to physical issues pain
from physical disorders anxiety about having physical disorders medications you’re taking for
physical disorders can all contribute to anxiety so we need to look at the person as a whole and go
what are all the things that are contributing to the anxiety and what are all the things that the
anxiety is contributing to so we have started having this big list of stuff that needs to be
addressed and then we can start figuring out okay where we start so knowing that these things
are comorbid helps researchers explore pathways to mental disorders so they can start figuring
out you know what little string can we pull to unravel this blanket of anxiety so it doesn’t
suffocate somebody and for us as clinicians it provides us key opportunities to intervene in you
know sometimes clients will come in and start talking about their
anxiety and their physical issues you know maybe their anxieties about you know heart
palpitations and because that’s a common one we may want to encourage them to go see the doctor to
get that ruled out you know rule out anything that has to do with hormone imbalances or you know
heart conditions or anything else that might be contributing to it which can help them address
it and if they do have physical disorders let’s go with hormone imbalances that are contributing
to the heart palpitations then they can start to treat that if they don’t start to treat that then
no amount of talk therapy we do is going to get them to the quality of life that they’re looking
for because they’re still gonna feel those so we want to make sure that we’re addressing them
holistically anxiety disorders should be treated with psychological therapy pharmacy therapy or a
combination of both and what they found and this is no surprise this is kind of old news is that
counseling Plus pharmacotherapy tends to have the best outcomes but separating the two have
similar outcomes in many cases but that’s just looking at and I hate to call it simple anxiety
but we’re just looking at anxiety symptoms here we’re not looking at the full quality of life and we
want to make sure that we’re also including any medical issues behavioral therapy is regarded
as the psychotherapy with the highest level of evidence, there are a variety of cognitive
behavioral approaches ranging from acceptance and commitment therapy to dialectical behavior
therapy to CBT to debt you know any of those that deal with the thoughts and the cognitions that fall in
that realm and it is effective in the current conceptualization of the etiology
of anxiety disorders includes an interaction of psychosocial factors such as childhood adversity
or stressful events and a genetic vulnerability so the psychosocial factors and these are other
things when we do our assessment we want to pay attention to because our approach to treatment
is going to be different for people for example who have trauma-related brain changes maybe
then for somebody who doesn’t so, we want to look at childhood adversity and stressful events
that it may have caused basically what I tell clients is like rewiring of the brain there
are trauma-related brain changes in soldiers and especially in children or in people who’ve been
exposed to extreme trauma that is designed to protect them but it also can cause complications
kind of later on in dealing with anxiety coping skills that were learned that are ineffective you
know sometimes people grow up in a household or an environment or a situation where they don’t learn
effective coping skills so we need to kind of help them unlearn those and learn new ones build on
their strengths and trauma issues that may still need to be dealt with such as domestic violence
you know if they grew up a lot around a lot of domestic violence they may think you know I’m
out of that situation it’s over I don’t want to think about it it’s not bothering me anymore or a
parental absence and I put absence because it can be death it can be a parent that just packed up
and left it could be a child that got put up for adoption whatever put the child in a position of
feeling like they were rejected by a parent can be very traumatic and bullying among other things
but there are a lot of trauma issues that people once they’re out of that situation often say you
know I’m out of it it’s not a big deal I dealt with it let’s move on and they don’t realize the
full ramifications and how that’s contributing to their current anxiety and their current self-talk
and cognitions of current stressors if somebody has a lot of current stressors that’s also going to
impact whether they develop generalized anxiety you know we’re kind of stacking the deck here and
the current availability of social support if they don’t have effective current social support then
they’re gonna have difficulty bearing the weight of everything on their shoulders so we want
to look at all these psychosocial factors when we do our assessment now going back to the trauma
issues if you’ve taken the trauma courses at all CEUs you know that some people are not ready
to acknowledge that the trauma is still bothering them or work on the trauma and that’s okay we
can educate them that it might be an issue and then let them choose how to address it but
we want to bear in mind the fact that you know this could be sort of an underlying force
motivating some of the current cognitions and genetic vulnerability so you take any three
people and you put them or 300 people and you put them through roughly the same psychosocial
situations they’re all probably going to react a little bit differently based on their prior
experiences but also because of their genetic makeup there are certain permutations and they
found four we’ll talk about later that make the brain more or less responsive to stress and
more or less responsive to serotonin which is your calming chemical so brains that are less
responsive to serotonin isn’t going to you know send out as much or send out serotonin as easily
so people can stay kind of tensed and wired that’s an oversimplified explanation but that’s
all you need for right now so genetic vulnerability impacts people’s susceptibility
to the effects and development of dependence on certain substances which can increase anxiety
when people are detoxing from alcohol when they’re detoxing from benzos when they’re detoxing from
opiates they can feel high levels of anxiety when they take opiates some people find that opiates
have wonderful anti-anxiety properties not that I am advocating for the use of opiates I’m
just client experiences have shown that that can be true so some people are going to be
more susceptible to the anti-anxiety effects of certain substances and some people are going
to be Cerrone to become dependent on substances where others may not and that part of that is
genetic vulnerability and they estimate about 30% the predictability of the development
of anxiety disorders is genetic and genetics also impact which medications are effective
if you have genetic makeup then SSRIs might be helpful then
atypical antipsychotics may be more effective and SSRIs might not do anything which is why
a lot of our clients get so frustrated because they know there’s no way to figure out exactly what I
guess there is now that there’s genetic testing out there but up until then it was harder to
figure out which medications to start with and most physicians matter of fact I don’t know of
a single physician that starts by saying well let’s do a genetic profile to see
what med to start you out with most we’ll start with events as with an SSRI or some other
anti-anxiety medication some sort of Benzo that’s been my experience so we may want
to encourage clients to consider genetic testing if they’re having difficulty finding a
medication regime that works for them and they are feeling like they have to have medication
genetic vulnerability also affects what’s going to make somebody more vulnerable now than all of you
in class today you know thinking about sleep you know sleep may not be a big deal for some of you
I know people who can go days or weeks with four or five hours of sleep and they feel fine it’s
not a big deal, not me I need eight or nine hours of sleep so genetically for whatever reason I am
programmed to need a lot of sleep so when I don’t get that much sleep I tend to be it tends to be
harder for me to deal with life on life’s terms and I know that that makes me more vulnerable to
being irritable so genetic vulnerability affects who can become addicted and affects what medications
work best and affects what situations are going to tend to make somebody more vulnerable to
anxiety so our medications and I know the type on here is small but we’re going to go through
the first-line drugs are the SSRIs selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors and SNRs is
selective norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors now the names are a little bit deceptive because
selective norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors also increase available serotonin but the mechanism
of action is different the mechanism of action for each SSRI is a little bit different as well
which is why you can put somebody on Prozac and they have an awful experience and you can put them
on Zoloft and they have a much better experience like I said earlier a lot of the research pre
five years ago had been done on medications and Zoloft paxil luvox lexapro celexa and their
generics have all been found to be effective at treating anxiety in certain people no one
medication works for everybody in the last five years effexor has come on the radar and it has
been found effective according to the Hamilton rating scale for anxiety so that’s another one to
consider if clients are not successful or getting the treatment effect that they need for on some
of the other medications obviously, none of us probably are prescribers but we do need to educate
clients about why the first drug or even the third drug that the doc tries may not work so they
don’t start feeling helpless and hopeless like I said earlier there are at least four different
genetic variations which are correlated with the development of generalized anxiety disorder and
different medications are more or less effective depending on the genetic makeup of the person
there’s a high mortality rate moving on to two benzos the recommendation has switched
to back off from the use of benzos now for some doctors will prescribe an SSRI and for the
first, four weeks while the SSRI is building up in the system they will also prescribe a Benzo
to be taken as needed to moderate the anxiety and you know you could argue on either side
of that, if somebody has a history of substance use or substance dependence benzos are really
a bad idea because they do have a high rate of dependence but the other reasons that they are now
cautioning against the use of benzodiazepines is that there’s a higher mortality rate among benzo
users compared with non-users there’s an increased risk for dependence with use for more than six
months and that’s a long time to be using Benzo and when we’re talking about dependence and six
months we’re talking about somebody who uses it like every four hours or every eight hours
depending on your Benzo every single day, not a PRN user if somebody’s using it at night to
help them go to sleep or you know three or four times a week when the anxiety gets high
the risk of dependence is relatively low but a lot of people with anxiety because if they find
the right Benzo makes them feel so much better they may not want to be off of it and for a lot of
people when that benzo reaches its half-life and starts getting out of the system even more their
anxiety spikes you know they have rebound anxiety which they want to medicate with more benzos
that’s gonna be an issue for them to discuss with their doctor there’s also an increased risk
of dementia identified in long-term benzodiazepine users again this is for the people who use you
know throughout the day every day for six months or relatively every day for six months or more
and it doesn’t matter if it’s you know we’re talking about somebody who’s 65 or somebody
who’s 35 who’s been using Benzos for you know six months a year two years the risk of later
life dementia is greatly increased according to the research benzodiazepines also don’t treat
depression okay so if you’ve got somebody who has concurrent anxiety and depression there’s a much
higher suicide risk if they’re on benzodiazepines so being aware and generally that suicide risk
comes from overdosing on benzodiazepines but not always other treatment options you know if the
benzos aren’t something that people want to touch you know they scare the living daylights out of
I SSRIs and SNRIs don’t seem to be working then tricyclic antidepressants can be tried on those
your older generation antidepressant seroquel is used a lot and there are some there’s some
research that shows it can be effective with anxiety like some of the antidepressants and
depending on the person the benzos seroquel can make people very very very sleepy so you know
it may not be the side effects of the Seroquel the weight gain and the fatigue and you know
sleepiness may be an unacceptable side effect for some clients and boosts perón is the third option
boost Barone works more like an anti-depressive serotonin reuptake inhibitor and that it takes
you know four weeks or so to kind of build up in the system studies have shown that there’s really
no long-term benefit to taking it but after six months to eighteen months of use it has been shown to
be effective in talking with clients a lot of clients report that boost bar when they take it
doesn’t necessarily help them stop being anxious like a benzodiazepine does but it helps them not
go from zero to 200 in 2.3 seconds it kind of you know keeps them from having this gush of a freak
out reaction every time something goes wrong which a lot of clients report helps because they feel
more stable throughout the day after remission medication should be continued for six to twelve
months and during that last six months first six months keep it as is last six months you know
they say that tapering is best it’s best not to stop somebody cold turkey on any of these but
it’s important for people once they’re in remission to not just suddenly go okay I feel
better I don’t need any of this anymore they need to work into it and make sure they’ve developed
the skills and tools that they need to deal with some of the anxiety that is going to
happen in life so physical signs and symptoms of anxiety may include fatigue irritability muscle
tension or muscle aches try laying feeling twitchy being easily startled trouble sleeping nausea
diarrhea irritable bowel syndrome headaches so the first thing we want to do with clients when we’re
talking to them well second thing first thing is say get a physical let’s rule out physiological
causes of this but we can also help clients look at you know what might be causing these
things that you can do to mitigate it what might be contributing to your fatigue what might be
contributing to your irritability and your muscle tension or your muscle aches I mean let’s look at
economics did you recently get a new bed or do you need to get a new bed what about your desk chair I
know you know I get more muscle tension and muscle achy when I do a lot of mousing because I have
deplorable posture being becoming aware of that helps and then I’m like okay well I know it caused
unfortunately, it’s unpleasant but it’s not a big deal trembling or feeling twitchy you know
that can be caused by low blood sugar that can be caused anxiety that can also be caused
by early onset Parkinson’s symptoms you know there’s you know it can be worst case scenario
or it can be something benign so we want to have people figure out you know when you start
trembling or feeling twitchy is there something that it’s related to you know I know when my
son gets excited he’s he just sits there and you can see him almost shake because he’s so
excited about something so we want to have people prevent misidentification we don’t want them
to jump to that worst-case scenario we don’t want them to go onto WebMD and go oh my gosh I’ve
got cancer I’ve got this debilitating disease and I’m going to die in six months probabilistic Lee
speaking it’s not gonna happen yes get a doctor’s opinion I’m certainly not going to tell them it’s
all in your head I want them to get an evaluation but I do want to in the meantime
help them think about how likely is this and other things for headaches and this is
one another one of those that can be frustrating as we get older our eyesight starts to go and
you know there was a period there I did fine and then after I hit 45 my eyesight just started
to like steadily and kind of rapidly in my mind decline so I have to get my eyeglass prescription
changed every couple of years and that can cause headaches so instead of starting to worry
about oh my gosh I’ve got a headache all the time maybe I’ve got a brain tumor you know I know that
it’s probably my glasses or I’m grinding my teeth so other biological interventions that
have been evaluated there’s something called the floatation rest system that reduced environmental
stimulation therapy reduces sensory input into the nervous system through the act of floating
supine which is on your back in a pool of water saturated with Epsom salt you know I’m looking at
this going sounds good and you can’t quite get the same experience in a bathtub because
you’re not floating you’ve got pressure points and you’re still hearing stuff clients can sort of
simulate it with you know earplugs or whatever but it’s if they can access this it’s been shown
to be effective the float experience is calibrated so that sensory signals from visual
auditory olfactory gustatory thermal tactile or tactile vestibular gravitational and preceptive
channels are minimized which means you don’t see here taste touch smell feel anything as is most
movement and speech so you want people to lay just like completely motionless and not talk which can
be hard for some people with anxiety in the study the study I looked at fifty participants
reported significant reductions in stress muscle tension pain depression and negative effects and it
was accompanied by significant improvement in mood characterized by increases in relaxation happiness
and well-being I read the study I’m like where can I sign up you know it sounds in looking at some of
the research this was more effective for addressing anxiety than something like a massage
Tai Chi also produced significant reductions in anxiety there was approximately a 20% treatment
effect 25% treatment effect in patients with anxiety and fibromyalgia who practiced twice a
week for a year now you know we want to look at the confounding things here is it the Tai Chi
itself or is it learning to control the muscles and becoming more in tune with your body and
learning to control your breathing helps people reduce their anxiety either way you know
Tai Chi helps people do that and it was shown that after a year after the first six months, there was
a significant treatment effect but after a year you know it kept growing and after a year it was
about 25% so Tai Chi can be effective acupuncture at the HT 7 median Meridian can
attenuate anxiety-like behavior induced by withdrawal from chronic morphine treatment through
the meditation of the GABA receptor system what does that mean that means if you if the
acupuncture is done in very certain places the anxiety behavior the GABA a receptor
system GABA is your main calming relaxation neurochemical that is triggered and causes your
body to sort of flood that receptor system and this research was done on people who were detoxing
from morphine treatment but we can look at generalizing the results and I would be interested
to see further studies on it pain other things we need to do to help people with anxiety when people
are in chronic pain they often have anxiety that oh my gosh this is getting worse or It’s never
gonna get better or I just can’t take this pain anymore or they may get anxious that they’re going
to be rejected because they can’t do some of the things they used to do because they’re in so much
pain so there’s a lot of guilt and anxiety that can kind of revolve around pain what can we do
to help clients guided imagery is generally very helpful if we can help them imagine you know if
that pain in their shoulder imagine the pain is like the color red flowing out of their arm
or other focus mindfulness so you know when you think about something you know when you get a shot
if I don’t think about it it doesn’t hurt near as much as if the nurse says okay now one two three
and you know she’s counting down and I’m getting prepared and I’m focused on it I had
another nurse one time who she was just talking to me and you know put the alcohol on my arm
and just kept on talking and didn’t tell me she was getting ready to give me a shot and before I knew
it she had given me a shot and she was like okay we’re done I’m like you didn’t give me a shot yet
she said yes I did it’s like oh so not focusing on it and next time you have an itch for example
if you’ve ever been driving on the interstate and you can reach on your foot I get those on
the bottom of my foot sometimes and I’m like okay I’m not going to pull over to each my foot if you
focus on something besides the itch eventually, it goes away I’m not saying the pain is gonna completely
go away but the more people focus on it the more it hurts physical therapy can help so encourage
them to get a referral and encourage them to do a self-evaluation if nothing else of ergonomics in
their car at work where they watch TV and spend most of their time at home and they’re sleeping
so those are the four places that they spend most of their time what do their ergonomics look like
and that can help a lot of people mitigate a lot of pain hormones are another thing that
we need to look at imbalances of estrogen and testosterone can contribute to anxiety symptoms
heart palpitations fatigue irritability having people get a physical we can’t as clinicians do
anything about it but doctors can rapid heart weight rate sweating palpitations are not uncommon
in women in perimenopause or menopause so a lot of women start feeling like they’re developing
generalized anxiety and/or something’s going wrong when they start reaching that mid-40s to mid-50s
area and they start having some of these symptoms again we’re not going to diagnose it but we do
want them to recognize that it may not be anything you know is catastrophic this is something that a
a lot of women experience and help them figure out how to deal with that supportive care biologically
now you know this isn’t gonna treat anything but we can help them minimize their vulnerabilities
help them create a sleep routine so their brain and body can rebalance this can help repair any
adrenal issues that may be going on and improve energy levels people with anxiety don’t sleep well
so helping them figure out how to get some quality sleep is important nutrition minimizing caffeine
and other stimulants are going to be a big help because those make people feel anxious and encourage
them to work with a nutritionist to try to prevent spikes and drops in blood sugar which can trigger
the stress response when your blood sugar goes way up or way down you can start getting kind of shaky
and feel weird and that can cause people anxiety because they might think oh my gosh I’m having a
stroke or a heart attack or you know I don’t know what these tremors are so it’s important that
they don’t miss identify symptoms and encourage them to drink enough water dehydration can lead
to toxic Ardea which is increased heart rate sunlight vitamin D deficiency is implicated
in both depression and anxiety mood issues vitamin D has been found in those main areas where
serotonin receptors are found vitamin D receptors are found so we know the serotonin and vitamin D
have something going on sunlight prompts the skin to tell the brain to produce neurotransmitters and
set circadian rhythms which impact the release of serotonin your calming neurochemical melatonin
which is made from breaking down serotonin and helps you sleep and gaba so sunlight actually
helps increase the release of GABA when it’s time to start calming down and going to sleep
exercise studies have shown that exercise can have a relaxing effect and encourage clients to start
slowly there’s not a whole lot of new research on exercise and anxiety aromatherapy has been
used a lot, especially in other countries in the treatment of people with anxiety people with
hospital anxiety people women who are giving birth and they have some birth anxiety there they’ve
been found to be effective in a lot of those studies essential oils for anxiety include
lavender rose Bedevere ylang ylang bergamot chamomile frankincense and Clary sage encourage
clients to just go to a health food store and you know sniff some of these and see if it makes them
feel happy and calm and content the aromatherapy molecules enter the nasal membranes and they
will start triggering neurochemical reactions and so you don’t need to apply it you don’t need
to ingest it all you need to do is so encourage clients if they’re open to it to think about this
because aromatherapy can be integrated into their bedroom for example with an atomizer or a Mr. It
can be incorporated in a lot of different places again where they’re not applying it or ingesting
it in any way all they’re doing is smelling it they’ve used it in defusing aromatherapy in
hospital emergency rooms and they found that it reduces stress and irritability the people in
emergency rooms and I’ve been to enough emergency rooms over the years to know that
people who are in ers typically are not in the best mood so if it can help those people then
it’s probably going to have some sort of an effect so psychologically helping clients realize
that their body thinks there’s a threat for some reason that’s why it triggered the threat response
system which is what they call anxiety so they need to figure out why is there a threat
you know sometimes it’s like the fire alarm going off in my house it just means that the windows are
open and there’s a strong breeze there is no fire there is no problem there’s just a malfunction
it’s a false alarm a lot of times clients get this threat reaction they get this stress
reaction and it’s not a big deal right now so they can start modifying what their brain responds to
and again those basic fears that a lot of people worry about failure rejection loss of control the
unknown and death and loss distress tolerance is one of those cognitive interventions that have
taken center stage in anxiety research and it isn’t about controlling your anxiety you know
helping people recognize their anxiety acknowledge it and say okay I’m anxious it is what it is
how can I improve the next moment instead of saying I’m anxious I shouldn’t be anxious I hate
being anxious and slang with that anxiety let it go just accept it is what it is have the client
learn to start saying I am feeling anxious okay so distracted don’t react because I explain to them
the whole notion of feelings comes in the crest and goes out in about 20 minutes it’s like a wave so once they
acknowledge their feeling if they can distract themselves for twenty or thirty minutes you know
they figured out there was no real threat if they can distract themselves for twenty or
thirty minutes those emotions can go down and then they can deal with it in their wise mind and encourage
them to use distancing techniques instead of saying I am anxious or I am terrified or whatever
have them say I am having the thought that this is the worst thing in the world I am having the
thought that I cannot handle this because thoughts come and go and that comes from acceptance and
commitment therapy functional analysis makes it possible to specify where and when with what frequency
with what intensity and under what circumstances the anxious response is triggered so it’s
important that we help clients develop the ability to do functional analyses on their own so
when they start feeling anxious they can stop and say okay where am I what’s going on how intense
is it what are the circumstances and they start trying to figure out what causes this for
them so they can identify any common themes from their psychoeducation about cognitive distortions
and techniques to prevent those circumstances or mitigate them can be provided so if the client
knows that they get anxious before they go into a meeting with their boss and it’s usually a high
the intensity of anxiety okay so we can educate them and help them identify what fears that may be related
to techniques to slow their breathing and calm their stress reaction and help them figure out
times in the past when they’ve handled going in and talking to their boss and it wasn’t
the end of the world you know there’s lots of different things we can do there for them there
but the first key and it gives them a lot of a huge sense of empowerment to start becoming
detectives in their own life and going okay now under what situations does this happen positive
writing this was another cool study each day for 30 days the experimental group and this
was high school-aged youth in China but you know the experimental group engaged in 20 minutes of
writing about positive emotions they felt that day so they’re writing about anything positive
that make them happy that made them enthusiastic gave them hope whatever long-term expressive
writing positive emotions so after 30 days it appeared to help reduce test anxiety by helping
them develop insight and use positive emotion words so it got them out of the habit of using
the destruction and doom words and encouraged them to get in the habit of looking at the positive
things and being more optimistic it’s a cool activity that clients can try it’s not gonna
hurt anything if you have them journal each day for 30 days mindfulness also came up in the
research and was shown to be effective in a meta-analysis of six articles about mindfulness
based stress reduction four about mindfulness-based cognitive therapy and three about fear of
negative appraisal and emotion regulation were reviewed all of these showed that mindfulness
was an effective strategy for the treatment of mood and anxiety disorders and is an effective
in therapy protocols with different structures including virtual modalities so you know if you’re
doing it via teleconference mindfulness can still be helpful mindfulness helps people start learning
how to observe what’s going on and become aware of what’s going on more aware of those circumstances
which will help them complete their functional analysis but it also helps them become aware of
vulnerabilities and head off things in the past and if they’re taking better care of themselves
that they’re living more mindfully then they may not experience as many situations that trigger
their anxiety mindfulness also encourages clients to learn acceptance that radical acceptance of
it is what it is I’m not gonna fight it I’m angry right now I am anxious right now however I’m
feeling right now is how I feel and that’s okay it’s hard for clients to get to that but once
they get a hold of that and they truly believe it and they can say all right it’s fine I’m not gonna
feel this way forever I’m gonna do something else until the feeling passes it helps and that’s where
the labeling and letting go comes in mindfulness can also help them identify trigger thoughts
what thought were you having right before you started feeling anxious if people are mindful or
let’s start back when people are not mindful they often notice or don’t notice that they’re getting
anxious until they’re like super anxious when people are mindful they become more aware of
subtle cues address unhelpful thoughts when they say or believe it’s a dire necessity for adults
to be loved by significant others for almost everything they do always running gonna happen
why is it a necessity what we can encourage them to do is concentrate on their self-respect
on winning approval for practical purposes you know for promotions or whatever but it’s not about
me being lovable it’s about me getting a promotion and making more money and focusing on loving
rather than being loved because when we give love we generally get love back with unhelpful thought
number two people feel they aren’t able to stand it if things are not the way they want them to be
or are not in their control so encourage clients to focus on the parts that are in their control
and other things in life which are going well and to which they’re committed number three misery
is invariably externally caused and is forced on us by outside people and events just by reading
that makes me feel disempowered so encouraging clients to focus on the fact that reactions such
as misery or happiness are largely caused by the view that people take of the conditions so if
you see it as a tragedy and devastating then it’s probably going to produce misery if you
see it as an opportunity and a challenge it’s probably going to produce a different emotional
reaction if something is or may be dangerous or fearsome people should be upset and
endlessly upset about obsessing about it a lot of people with anxiety get stuck on this you know
if I feel like it’s fearsome I need to worry about it getting on a plane for example if I fear that
that’s dangerous that I need to think about it and worry about it that’s not going to do any
good so encourage clients to figure out how to face it and render it harmless if possible and
when that’s not possible accept the inevitable so looking at airplanes you know facing it means
researching to figure out how dangerous is it really and realizing that it’s not
that dangerous so that helps render it a little bit harmless in their mind it proves to them
that it’s not as dangerous as it could be and when it’s not possible accepting the inevitable you
know you got a fly so getting on there figuring out how you’re gonna get through it hurricanes
are the same way people especially in places like Texas Louisiana Florida may obsess as soon
as it starts coming to hurricane season or if a hurricane is spotted out in the Atlantic somewhere
they start checking the weather every hour or more wondering what the path is going to be and you
know what there’s you can’t change the path of the hurricane so all you can do is board up your house
evacuate if necessary and deal with the fallout child driving is just another example I’ll give
you know my children are learning how to drive and that’s kind of scary and fearsome you know what’s
gonna happen when they’re out there you know you see crashes all the time well render it harmless
by making sure they’ve got good training on how to drive make sure they’re good drivers and then
accepting that some things are just not within my control it’s easier to avoid than face life
difficulties and responsibilities Well running from fear is usually much harder in the long run
so encourage clients to look back at times when they’ve avoided difficulties and responsibilities
and the eventual outcome you know what happened there people believe they should be thoroughly
competent in achieving in all possible respects or they will be isolated rejected and failures we
need to encourage clients to accept themselves as imperfect with human limitations and flaws and
focus on what makes them loveable human being what qualities like courage and intelligence and
creativity and those things that can’t be taken away what inherent qualities do they have that
make them awesome people because something once strongly affected people’s lives they should
indefinitely fear it if you got lost you know when little kids get lost it’s terrifying when
you’re grown up if you get lost you turn on the GPS and you figure out your way but some people
still, you know freaked out about getting lost if they got lost once so we want to help people look
back at past episodes that may be contributing to the current anxiety and compare the situation’s
you know are you the same person or is this not a big deal now that you’re older wiser stronger
encourage them to learn from past experiences but not be overly attached to or prejudiced by
them yeah you could have maybe got lost in the past and it was a horrible experience well you
were six I can see where that would be terrifying and a horrible experience but it doesn’t have to
continue to impact you that way now when you’re you know 26 getting lost you know could be an
opportunity to try a new restaurant or something people must have complete control over things
well this doesn’t happen so encourage clients to remember that the past and the future are
uncontrollable we can’t change the past it is what it is we can learn from it so it doesn’t repeat
but we can’t change it and the future is largely uncontrollable I mean there are a lot of things I
can do to stay moving toward a rich and meaningful life but life is going to throw me curveballs
sometimes and there’s nothing I can do to plan for or control that we can control our actions in the
present to stay on our preferred path and general develop general skills to deal with adversity
should it arise so we want to help clients develop those general problem-solving skills and
the general support system so when they are thrown a curveball you know it doesn’t knock them upside
the head people have virtually no control over their emotions and cannot help feeling disturbed
by things well encourage them to think about the fact that they have real control over destructive
emotions if they choose to work at improving the next moment and changing inaccurate thoughts then
they’re not going to experience the destructive emotions as intensely or as frequently when you
feel an emotion you feel how you feel but again you don’t have to wrestle with it fight it and
nurture it you can say this is how I feel how do I improve the next moment when it comes to
cognitive distortions encourage them to find alternatives when they start to personalize things
if somebody laughs when you walk out of the room then the and the person starts getting anxious
thinking oh they were making fun of me I wonder what they thought I wonder if I had something
stuck to the back of my dress and they start getting all panicked about it that doesn’t do
any good encouraging them to think you know what our three alternate explanations that hadn’t but
had nothing to do with you for why they laughed magnification of the worst thing you know taking
something and saying if this happens then it’s going to be a catastrophe and minimization going
along with that a lot of times when people magnify and see a catastrophe they minimize not only
their strengths and resources but all the other stuff that they’ve got going for them all
they’re seeing is this catastrophe so encouraging them to focus on the facts of what is actually
happening and what is the high probability event and encourage them to get information
and look at the broader picture you know yes you got into a car crash and your car is totaled and
that is unfortunate you know it sucks but you know that is not going to cause you to lose
your job and then become homeless and penniless and yadda-yadda it might cause your insurance to
go up but okay so you don’t have a car but what are the resources that you have who can Who do
you work with that might be able to give you a ride to work you know let’s look at the resources
you have and work around so problem-solving helps with magnification and also focusing on you know
let’s be grateful for what didn’t happen you know you could have been killed but you weren’t the
car was totaled it’s replaceable all or nothing thinking again have them think about what else
could have been happening like Brittney suggested finding the exceptions instead of saying she
always does this look for exceptions when has she not done that what else has she done instead
of this selective abstraction and filtering is when people look for the good the bad and the
ugly a selective abstraction means you kind of see what you expect to see so if you expect
something to be devastating you see only the devastating aspects of it which kind of goes with
the magnification and minimization you filter out the stuff a lot of times when people are in a bad
mood or are anxious they see the negative because that’s the state of mind they’re in so encouraging
people to complete the picture alright there’s all this bad stuff now what’s the good stuff you
know to encourage them to look at the good the bad and the ugly so they get a wide view of exactly
what’s going on and encourage them to remember that hindsight is twenty-twenty when people have
something embarrassing happens or they get anxious about something that happened they look back
and they go I should have or I could have or Oh I wish I wouldn’t have when you were in that
situation you did what you did and you know maybe you may have had a reason for it or you know
you may have not had other options or it may have just been a bonehead thing to do but okay so you
made one mistake hindsight is 2020 that’s gonna that mistake is gonna stand out just like the
great big letter on the eye chart because you’re thinking back and you’re looking at it and that’s
all you see but encouraging clients to remember that other people are too busy worrying about
themselves to remember what they did jumping to conclusions encourages clients to remember to
get all the data if your significant other male significant other comes home and is smelling like
perfume don’t just jump to the conclusion that he was cheating on you maybe he went to the
mall to get a new tie and walked through the perfume area and got spritzed or bought you some
perfume or who knows maybe the person sitting next to him at work sprayed her perfume on the desk
and some of it filtered on there are all different reasons that that might happen so encourage people
to get all the data mind reading we can’t do it you know you can’t read somebody’s mind you don’t
know what they’re thinking so ask them what you think about this don’t assume anything and
emotional reasoning encourages people to step back from a situation and ask themselves am I feeling
anxious about this because I’m feeling anxious and I’m looking for reasons that it should be scary
or am I feeling anxious about this because it’s really scary for some reason there are facts
support my anxiety a lot of times when we go into new situations we may feel anxious because it’s
a new situation but when we step back we say you know what there’s nothing to be worried
about here you know no big deal I got this and move on so instead of rolling with it and trying
to figure out okay I feel anxious so there must be a reason not necessarily very likely a false
alarm other psychological interventions relaxation skills encourage people to learn how to relax
not only physically but mentally diaphragmatic breathing helps encourage them to breathe
through their stomach and put their hand on their belly and feel their belly expand and contract
slows breathing down which triggers the rest and digestion reaction in the brain which is calming
meditation can be helpful for some people some people find trying to quiet their minds too
frustrating because they’ve got too much monkey mind going on that can be later or maybe
never for some people we don’t want to increase their anxiety with interventions cute progressive
muscular relaxation also has a lot of research support and remembers with cute progressive
muscular relaxation we’re Sakura getting them to attach a cue AK you word like relax or breathe
with the relaxation response so they tense their muscles and then relax their muscles and as
they relax their muscles they say their “querk”-word like relaxed and they work from head to toe or
from toe to head tensing and relaxing different muscle groups so they become more aware of what a
tense muscle feels like versus a reactive relaxed muscle there are great scripts that are online
that people have already recorded that can walk people walk clients through CPM are I highly
encourage it because once they get used to it then they can just think that cue they can think
relax and as they exhale they will start to feel their entire body kind of relaxing because it’s
trained when it hears that just like when you hear the word pop quiz when you were in high school
you had a stress reaction well we want to use it in reverse and train the body so that when
it hears a cue word relaxes helps them develop self-esteem because fear of failure and rejection
a lot of times come from needing other people’s approval to help them develop a rational idea of
their real self develops compassion self-talk instead of saying I’m an idiot or I’m stupid or
I’ll never measure up to anything encourage them to talk to themself like they would talk to their
child or hopefully their best friend and encourage them to spotlight strengths whenever they feel
like they’ve got an imperfection to identify these three strengths that they have so they’re you know
balancing out the imperfections and the strengths of cognitive restructuring reframes challenges in
terms of current strengths, not past weaknesses so if you’re going to give a presentation in front
of 60 people and you hate public speaking instead of thinking about you know this is terrifying
because the last time I went up in front of people I forgot everything I was going to say and drop
my note cards well that’s a past weakness what is your current strength you’re prepared you know
the material you Jabba-dada so encourages people to look at all the strengths and resources they
currently have them develop an attitude of gratitude and optimism because like I said with
that the positive writing exercise when people are in a grateful optimistic frame of mind they
tend to see more of the good stuff they see the bad stuff too but they can also see more of the
good stuff and some of the bad stuff they see opportunistically instead of as a devastation
acceptance and commitment therapy says that some of the reasons that we’re miserable are
fear we get fused with our thoughts we think I am terrified well if I am terrified then I can’t
I mean if I am I can’t get rid of anything I am if I’m having the thought that I’m terrified
well I can get rid of a thought I can forget things easily encourage people to evaluate their
experience and empower them to look at things as challenges and opportunities instead of hardships
encourage them not to avoid their experiences so things that are scary gradual exposure and
finding exceptions like for me bridges you know I love public speaking so that’s not a
thing but when I go to a bridge you know when I Drive to the bridge you know when I’m on the
bridge somebody else is driving I get used to doing that when I Drive over a bridge than when
I Drive over one of those bridges that opens up I hate those bridges um I know y’all are just like
oh my gosh yeah it’s an irrational fear I realize that but instead of going straight for the bridge
that opens up going for the little bridges first and then thinking back over times that I’ve gone
over bridges and there’s been no problem you know there are exceptions nothing happened it wasn’t a
big deal Sometimes I didn’t even notice it until somebody pointed out hey look down there at that
pretty water and I’m like oh we’re on a bridge so encourage people to not avoid their experiences
get used to them embrace them and learn that they have the power to deal with them and stop reason
giving for behavior you know use the challenging questions if something is fearsome let’s look for
at the evidence for and against it instead of you know making excuses for social interventions
improve their relationship with their self which goes with self-esteem improvement people are going
to feel less anxious about getting their needs and wants to be met if they know what their needs and wants
are so part of that is becoming mindful cuz a lot of our clients don’t know what they need and want
they just want to feel better but they don’t know how they don’t know what they need to feel
better so helping them identify their needs and wants to encourage them to be their own best friend
you know when they get a promotion take themselves out to dinner pat themselves on the back whatever
it is don’t rely onother people to do it because other people it’s not that they don’t care but
other people are often very involved in thinking about their stuff and they may not notice
encourage them to develop a method of internal validation so they can feel like they are all
that ‘no bag of chips and they realize why they are lovable human beings and they accept the
the fact that everybody is not going to like them and nobody is gonna like them all the time and
that’s okay you know my kids don’t like me all the time my husband doesn’t like me all the time
I’m okay with that I know I can be challenging but you know most of the time you know they like me
and that’s okay and there are some people you know who don’t like me at all and okay there’s
nothing I can do about that helping our clients develop an okayness with that helps relieve a lot
of anxiety because a lot of people feel like they have to be liked by everybody and if somebody
doesn’t like them it’s like what did I do wrong oh my gosh encourage them to develop healthy
supportive relationships with good boundaries develop assertiveness skills so they can ask for
help when they need it anxiety a lot of times you know that’s the body saying there’s a threat well
if there’s a threat maybe you need some help you know dealing with it so people need to be willing
and able to ask for help and not feel like that’s going to lead them to be rejected and allow them a
certify this will allow them to say no to requests again without feeling like that’s going to result
in them being fully rejected describe the ideal healthy supportive relationship and encourage
them to separate the ideals from the reals you know let’s look at if you had the best relationship
what would it look like okay you know Warden June Cleaver we got that now how realistic is that
you know let’s look at you know rephrasing this a little bit so it’s less extreme you know warden
June Cleaver never fought their kids were perfect you know all those extreme words let’s look at
what’s real what happens in real relationships encourages people to identify who would be
a good partner in supportive relationships I’m not meaning necessarily romantic I’m meaning
friends and where they can be found you know where would you find people that you could be friends
with and encourage them to play through what it means when gaming cuz a lot of times again this
goes with my reading you know what it means when your friend doesn’t return your text right
away what does it mean when your friend cancels dinner on Friday night what does it mean when
you see where I’m going with this and a lot of times clients with anxiety and rejection issues
and low self-esteem will go to the worst-case scenario so encourage them to go back to finding
the exceptions what else could have been happening what else could it be that caused this and it’s
not about you so anxiety is a natural emotion that serves a survival function excessive anxiety can
develop from lack of sleep nutritional problems neurochemical imbalances failure to develop
adequate coping skills cognitive distortions low self-esteem and a variety of other stuff recovery
Ambala involves improving health behaviors making sure your body’s functioning and making the
neurotransmitters it needs and you know release them as needed to identify and build on current
coping strategies address cognitive distortions and develop a healthy supportive relationship with
self and others if you enjoy this podcast please like and subscribe either in your podcast player
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a 20% discount on your order this month.As found on YouTubeBrain Booster | Blue Heron Health News ⇝ I was losing my memory, focus – and mind! And then… I got it all back again. Case study: Brian Thompson There’s nothing more terrifying than watching your brain health fail. You can feel it… but you can’t stop it. Over and over I asked myself, where is this going to end? What am I going to end up like? And nobody could tell me. Doesn’t matter now. I’m over it. Completely well. This is how I did it!
CEUs are available for this presentation at AllCEUs.com/CBT-CEU Hi everybody and welcome to today’s
presentation on cognitive behavioral therapy skills. Like the other
the presentation we did on assert not assertive community treatment acceptance
and commitment therapy, which is also based on just providing information
about skills that can be used not providing an evidence-based practice
we couldn’t cover that in a full hour or just an hour so over the
next hour we’re going to define cognitive behavioral therapy and its
basic principles a lot of us are familiar with this but it’s going to be
a good review and it also may highlight some nuances that you didn’t know about
will identify factors impacting people’s choice of behaviors explore causes and
impact of thinking errors and identify common thinking errors and their
relationships to cognitive distortions so why do we care well as therapists we
want to help people figure out the best way to live a happy healthy meaningful
goals-driven life for some people that’s going to mean using some cognitive
behavioral interventions that can be in addition to mindfulness that can be in
addition to a lot of other things but it’s important to help people understand
that the way we believe things to be the way we interpret things is going to
affect our reactions so for example think about a situation you know you’ve
walked into and maybe you walked into it with a small child and it was a
different situation it was a new situation but you know it was no big
deal you walked in it was not a threatening situation to you because you
were like hey I got this the little kid walks in and goes oh wow there are a lot
of people walking around here, this is the really scary same situation as two
different perceptions you probably didn’t have much of a stress reaction
going on whereas the little child probably had this fight-or-flight thing
going on grabbing onto your hand like please don’t let go
Atlanta Airport is a perfect example if you’ve ever
taken a little kid through Atlanta Airport it gives you an idea about how
people can perceive things differently and when you enact that fight-or-flight
reaction you’re going to have all those stress hormones you’re going to have all
either anxiety or anger or whatever that goes with it it may serve to
exhaust the person and leave them feeling hopeless and helpless so what we
want to do is help people see that but we also want to help them see that when
they’re depressed when they’re tired when they’re sick things are going to
seem a lot worse a lot of times because they don’t have the energy to perceive
it differently I mean when you’re sick it’s overwhelming to think of going
through Atlanta Airport so this is what we want to help people start
understanding is it’s two sides of the same coin they interact if one is you
know kind of going wonky is going to affect the other one the good thing is
if one’s going really good the other one’s going to go good if you’re
having positive thoughts you’re probably going to feel pretty good
there’s an activity and I think we’re going to talk about it later it’s called
the coin flip activity and I asked client clients to flip a coin in the
morning and in the morning if it turns heads then they have to be the most
positive Pollyanna all day long look for the silver lining and everything smile
walk with their head up hold those nonverbals up and see how they feel at
the end of the day besides a little sore because there are muscles they’re using
they haven’t been used in a while if it lands on tails they can just be their normal
selves which generally if they’re seeing me means that they are depressed anxious
stressed out angry about something in the negative realm then we
talk about how did things seem different on the days when you were feeling better
when you were walking taller when you were smiling even our nonverbals it
doesn’t even have to be sickness it can be our nonverbals that can make us feel
or make our body feel heavy and tired and make it seem like it’s a whole lot
harder to deal with life as a person who perceives the world
generally good and believes they can deal with challenges as
they arise that good old self-efficacy will be able to allow their stress
response system to function normally so if they’re like you know what I can deal
with whatever life throws at me I’ve got it and maybe I need help with it maybe
I’ll need to ask for support but I’ve got it it’s not going to completely
overwhelm me with people who see the world as hostile unsafe and unpredictable you
know for a variety of reasons whatever happened to make their scheme as such
that they don’t believe that people or the world is trustworthy are predictable
they are always on guard they’re always kind of like a hamster in a cage that has
Have you ever had a hamster hamsters don’t recognize you and go hey that’s my own
or human contact score hamsters go run under their little house
and you just kind of open the cage and stick your hand in there and flip over
their house and you’re like come here and give me cuddles and you’re like you
know 200 times bigger than they are so the little hamster is like freaking
out this is what it’s like for people and obviously, I’m exaggerating but this
is what it’s like for people who have a negative perspective a negative view or
a hostile view of the world so kind of keep that little hamster in your mind cognitive behavioral therapy we have
core beliefs those things that are in our hearts when I talk with my clients
about honesty step one and that’s what they’ve got to do to start recovery is
get honest with themselves first and then other people we talk about head
heart and gut honesty do you think it’s right does it seem like the right thing
to do does it feel right in your heart you know does it make you happy it
doesn’t make you feel good and then the spidey senses is your gut saying and or
is your gut fine if one of those is saying this might not be the right
choice and we need to think about what’s going on so we have those core beliefs
and I put them in the heart just because that’s the middle of the head heart and
gut but you have core beliefs about yourself whether you’re good with
you’re bad whether you’re effective at certain things yada yada
you have core beliefs about other people same thing good bad effective
predictable and you have core beliefs about the future and a lot of that goes
with the locus of control but also your past experiences if the world in the past is
seemed unfriendly and uncontrollable and you’ve perceived it that way then you’re
going to expect the future to be uncontrollable so what we want to do is
help people look at their schemas and their core beliefs about themselves
others in the future and figure out kind of what they want it to look like these
schemas are going to affect your behavior and your thoughts and your
feelings and you know you can pick wherever you want to start it doesn’t
matter because all three inter interface with one another so if you haven’t let’s
start with negative thoughts if you have negative thoughts then you might feel
anxious angry stressed dysphoric which will affect the behavior you’re going
to do different things than if you have positive thoughts about something you
feel excited and energized you’re going to have different behavior the best
thing example I can give you is if you’ve ever done public speaking or had
to present something some people detest public speaking it’s just
terrifying for them to get up in front of a group of people so their thoughts
am I going to trip up I going to forget what I’m going to say I’m going
to make a fool of myself I’m going to you know it can go on forever that when
you get on a roll you can get on a negative roll and go on forever or
positive hopefully get on that roll with those thoughts you start holding onto
those thoughts remember as we talked about in a CT the other day when you
hold those thoughts and you kind of mush them around in your mind and you come to
believe them that you’re going to make a fool of yourself and it’s going to be
awful you’re going to start feeling terrified likely which is going to
likely affect your behavior if you go out on the stage and you’re terrified
you’re going to probably stutter you’re probably going to get foggy-headed
you’re going to have that fight-or-flight reaction so there’s an
the adrenaline rush and you start sweating and you can’t focus and you can’t
concentrate you want to away as opposed to somebody like me who
loves public speaking and I’m just like cool I get to go out there and try to
engage however many people are in the audience it’s a game for me because when
I can see your faces I enjoy trying to figure out and make eye
contact with people and figure out what it is that they’re there for what is it
that’s going to make them tick what resonates with them so my behavior as
you can kind of see right now when I go out there I’m excited and I want to
engage people and it’s a fun experience for me again just like the airport the
same experience for two different people and two very different interpretations
and reactions to it so what effects I don’t like the term rational but when
we’re talking about CBT irrationally comes up a lot I like to replace it with
helpful because every behavior in its weird sort of way is or probably was
rational at one time that being said we’re going to get back to that stress
affects our behavioral choices if we’re under stress we can have negative
emotions negative emotions will affect our thoughts if we’re feeling sad we’re
probably going to look at the dark side if we feel sad we’re going to look at
the bottom falling out if we’re happy we’re probably going to look for that
silver lining physical factors if you’re in pain sick sleep-deprived poorly
nourished so your body can’t produce the neurotransmitters it needs to or heaven
forbid intoxicated you’re probably not going to make the same decisions as you
would if you were comfortable healthy well-rested nourished and not
intoxicated any of those things can go impact how you perceive a
situation or how you react in a situation, especially the intoxication
whereas in your non intoxicated State in your sober state, you may think that you
want to do something but then you’ve got that filter that goes not
not a good idea in an intoxicated State or even in a manic state if you’re you
know if you have somebody with bipolar that filter kind of goes away so the
behaviors that someone may normally not do because they have a rational filter
that goes you know punching this guy outs probably not the best idea right
now the filter goes away when you’re sleep-deprived you’re less generally
people are less patient generally people don’t have as much of a filter thing
about watching your children if you have children or your grandchildren or even
yourself I know myself when I’m sleepy I am giddy as all get-out and things I
wouldn’t normally say because they’re you know stupid I’ll just come out and
say anyway and my kids just roll their eyes or the mom you’re overtired could
go to bed, uh but that’s okay you know I’m okay with that
in that situation now if I acted that way at work it would be a worse thing
environmentally if you’re introduced to a new or unique situation and you
perceive it as stressful because the unknown we know can be stressful then
you may not make as rational of a choice or as helpful of a choice because you
maybe trying to escape the same thing as exposure to UNPROFOR bellowing for a
the word here but UNPROFOR ball is the best I could come up with we all prefer
certain situations some people as I said would rather do just about anything
then get up in front of a lecture hall of a hundred and fifty people and talk
but if they have to do it then they’re going to be under stress which may
affect how they do things so we want people to understand that their
perception and their feelings are affected by a lot of other things not
just you know an emotion here or a particular memory there’s a lot that
goes into it and social if peers your family convey
irrational thoughts as necessary very standards for social acceptance
people may tend to cling more to it to those unhelpful thoughts and unhelpful
behaviors you know in CBT they say irrational because quote nobody wants to
associate with those people you know who are those people and why can’t we
associate with them there are a lot of things if you think back think high
school you know high school is pretty rough if we’re going to talk about
having irrational thoughts and cognitions if you have to be part of
this particular group to be accepted you have to do this you have to
do that but do you do those kinds of all-or-nothing statements
are cognitive distortions and while they may have served a purpose in some way
shape or form in the past we need to encourage our clients to take a look at
them now and go are they still helpful ways of thinking is it still helpful for
me to think that I am only successful if I live in a million-dollar house in a
gated community and do this that and the other or can I be can I define success a
different way or do I define success differently and lack supportive
peers to buffer stress so we had those peers that caused stress by talking
about the half dues and categorizing and lots of attributions but then there’s
also not having somebody to go you know does this make any sense
because sometimes we are our own worst enemies and if we go to a friend and we
go you know this is what I’m thinking and I think I have to do this in order
to be acceptable to be loved or you know whatever the case may be
most people are not going to use those exact phrases a good friend is probably
going to listen and go yeah you’re right or no no that’s way off so supportive
peers are essential to reminding us to consciously regularly check in with our
cognitions to make sure that they are hopeful and rational so a note about
irrationality and this is mine this is not from CBT the origins of most beliefs
for rational and helpful given the information, the person had at the time
and their cognitive development their ability to process that information so
concepts and schemas and core beliefs that people formed when they were five
are probably going to be very egocentric you know the person is going to feel
like everybody sees it my way because this is how I see it you know just like
a five-year-old does a five-year-old doesn’t think well you know let me take
Johnny’s perspective is no he assumes that Johnny sees it the same way so it’s
going to be egocentric it’s probably going to be focused on only one aspect
of the situation because small children can’t focus on multiple aspects and it’s
probably going to be dichotomous it’s all-or-nothing
Mommy loves me mommy hates me and it could be personalized you know
everything a lot of kids think that everything has
to do with them so if something happens something bad happens many times
children will take it personally or be afraid it’s going to happen to them
again you know if hurricane katrina hurricane
Andrew those sorts of things you know we saw a lot of trauma in children and they
developed very real fears about thunderstorms and hurricane season
and if you’ve watched Florida hasn’t had a notable hurricane in years now but
there’s a lot of stuff that goes into that but young people
during some of those really bad hurricane seasons perceive those
situations differently okay so we need to help people understand that if we
especially if we use the term irrational those thoughts you formed when you are
knee-high to a grasshopper and they made perfect sense to you back then but now
that you’re an adult you’ve got more experience and you’re
able to take different perspectives your brain is more developed
let’s take a look at it and see if you can look at different perspectives and
come up with something a little more helpful maybe a different way of
perceiving this situation the irrational irrationality or unhelpful Nosov Fox
comes when those beliefs are perpetuated without examination so something a
belief that you formed when you’re five you’re still holding when you’re 35 and
you’ve never questioned it you’ve never gone you know does this make sense is
this is helpful to get me to where I want to be most of us don’t know
we form these attitudes and beliefs when we’re you know growing up when we’re in
elementary school middle school high school from watching TV to being
around our peers from being around our family in our community and we get all
this input of the way things should be and a lot of times people don’t stop to
question and go and go well does this make me happy is this really what
I want and they can be irrational if they continue to be held despite causing
harm to the person so the person continues to hold this belief even
though it is causing them general emotional cognitive harm is making them
miserable we need to look at why what’s motivating them to hold on to that
belief why is that belief so important and how can we make it so they can live
a happy values-driven life emphasis on the happy how can we make it less
harmful sometimes it’s more productive for clients to think of these thoughts
as unhelpful or helpful instead of irrational sometimes when I say
irrational to clients and you know I’m the same way if somebody says you’re
being irrational I’m like oh I’m not it elicits this instantaneous defensive
reaction it’s like when you tell them they’re being resistant they’re like I
am NOT rien resistant so helpful or unhelpful and then we talk about why it
is unhelpful in getting them toward their goals
basic principles of cognitive behavioral therapy we teach or help clients learn
to distinguish between thoughts and feelings I can think something is scary
I’ll probably feel it but if I have an automatic you know feeling I walk into
Atlanta Airport and I see yeah I went to an airport in New York I can’t even
remember which one it was because my plane was diverted and I got off and I
walked out there and I have never seen so many people packed in his place like
sardines before in my life I was just completely overwhelmed that was kind of
an automatic feeling now that was a feeling based on you know who knows it
was overwhelming to be surrounded by that many people so then I had to
separate the thoughts and go okay what am I thinking that’s making me feel so
overwhelmed and at that point you know I didn’t know how to get to my gate and
all that other sort of stuff with traveling I don’t travel well but
encouraging clients to stop and go okay why am I feeling this way what are my
what thoughts am I having that are contributing to these dysphoric feelings
CBT helps people become aware of how thoughts can influence
feelings in ways that are sometimes not helpful
we have hecklers in our gallery the automatic tapes that we plaything
memories that we have whatever you want to call them that when you try something
when you are just going through daily life you hear these voices in the back
of your head and not real voices but that is saying you’re never
going to make this or if you would have just blah blah blah then you’d be a
the better person helping clients become aware of those thoughts and how they’re
negatively influencing their feelings and keeping them kind of stuck is a huge
part of CBT we help them learn about thoughts that seem to occur
automatically without even realizing how they may affect emotions again those
thoughts from they’re saying you’re not good enough
you’re not smart enough and nobody’s gonna like you where did that come from
and do you believe it you know maybe it came from somebody
when you were in high school so was that a valid source maybe it
came from somebody yesterday on Facebook was that a valid source taking in those
thoughts and then figuring out is this something I’m going to hold because it
makes me happy or is this something that I’ve got to deal with because I’m having
a negative reaction constructively evaluate whether these automatic
thoughts and assumptions are accurate or perhaps biased the other thing to
remember is a lot of our clients not all of them but a lot of them hold
themselves to a standard there’s like up here and they hold everybody else to a
standard that’s down here so they are a failure if they don’t achieve this but
everybody else is successful as long as they achieve this so encouraging them to
take a look at how accurate and biased or unbiased are the thoughts and like I
said they may be their thoughts they may be telling themselves these things
evaluate whether the current reactions are a helpful and good use of energy or
unhelpful and a waste of energy that could be used to move toward those
people and things important not impotent important to the person road-rage you’re
in the car you’re driving somebody cuts you off okay natural reaction fight or
flight reaction you’re just like slam on the brakes and do whatever you got to do
aversive maneuvers you’re good so you could let it go at that point ago got
Lucky on that one and keep driving most people not all but most they found that
80% of drivers have reported incidences of road rage which is a
high number but most people will start getting all fired up and irritated
and grumpy and we and just rageful and so my question
would be I hear that and I hear that it made you angry
in retrospect did screaming at the person as you pass them at sixty miles
an hour in your car with the windows rolled up does any good did it do
any good at all what else could you have done with that energy if you wouldn’t
have expended it all yesterday we had to wait for the vet to come by and my
daughter just completely wore herself out worrying about when the vet was
going to get there what he was going to say about her donkeys and was beside
herself so by the time it got to evening and it was time for her to go to her
martial arts class she didn’t have the energy to go she’s like um wiped out I
just want to go to bed in retrospect we’re looking back and saying okay now
tell me what it was that you were so stressed out about and let’s talk about
whether that was a realistic and helpful line of thought to perseverate on all
day long and what could you have done differently because she didn’t bother to
mention any of that to me yesterday and then developed the skills to notice
interrupt and correct these biased thoughts independently causes of these
thinking errors information processing shortcuts when we form schemas and we
encounter a situation that reminds us of something in the past like when I go to
my grandmother’s house I have a schema I have a belief system I have you know
stuff that I know about my grandmother’s house so when I go to my grandmother’s
house it’s kind of a shortcut to knowing what to expect when I walk in and how to
behave how to do different things and it helps me plan and predict if you’re
using outdated or dichotomous all-or-nothing schemas it may cause
thinking errors because you may be now incorrectly processing current events
mental noise some of us have it a lot of us have it
not everybody thinks about trying to focus and study for a final exam in the
middle of a really busy sports bar okay this is a cause of thinking or you’re
going to miss important things you’re not going to be able to focus you’re not
going to necessarily attend to the correct things because there’s just so
much else going on your attention is drawn in 17 different directions and or
the brain’s limited information processing capacity due to age we talked
about that before young kids think all or nothing they think dichotomously
egocentric ly middle school-aged kids and older start developing the ability
for abstract thinking, by the time we get older, you know as adults theoretically
we’re able to you know think pretty well and think pretty clinically about different
events but if we’re in crisis when someone is in crisis and it could be
like what we think of clinically as a crisis or it could be they’re just
completely overwhelmed and burned out and have been burning the candle at both
ends for three months they’re not going to process information quite as well
they’re not going to take in all this stuff because they’re just like
shell-shocked have you ever seen teachers in the hallway of like an
elementary school Oh at the end of the second nine weeks they just kind of
stand there with this blank look on their face they’re not processing as
much as they were the first day of school and you know God loved them they
have a lot to deal with but we need to help our clients
understand that there are some times that they are going to have to really
stop and focus write things down so they can remember or they can make decisions
a little more my guess is most of us have times in our life when we’ve
been able to think through complex problems but then there are other times
where you just can’t keep it all in your head and you’ve got to put it on a
whiteboard maybe that’s just me but we want clients
to understand that they are not broken they’re not faulty they’re doing the
best they can with the tools they have and the knowledge they have and our job
is to help them see where some of this might have gone a little awry other
causes of thinking errors and emotional motivations I feel bad therefore
whatever I’m thinking must be bad if I’m scared that means whatever it’s coming
on the other end of the phone is bad news moral motivations I did it because
it was the right thing to do and that can be an excuse for doing wrong
behaviors as well it can also be you know you can argue on
the moral one social influence well everyone else is doing it so it must not
be bad set that again a lot of times and this is where the frames approaching the
motivational interviewing is helpful f stands for feedback
about the reality of what’s going on is everybody doing it let’s look at
statistics you know not subjective information let’s look at objective
information so the impact of these thinking errors makes people want to
fight or flee when they get upset and we use upset as a kind of this
all-encompassing garbage term emotionally they get depressed or
anxious we don’t want to feel that way anxiety and anger are flee or fight
fight or flee it’s our body saying there’s a threat you got to do something
depression is your body going I give up I just don’t I don’t even have the
energy to do it anymore behaviorally some people withdraw because they
shut down we all know people who get frustrated when they get overwhelmed
when they start feeling hopeless or helpless they just kind of withdraw from
everything and everyone’s addictions numb that out so they don’t have to feel
the dysphoria sleeping problem and changes when we start being on that
constant fight-or-flight hyper-vigilant sort of thing going on in the body is
always sort of turned on which means you’re not going to sleep as well then
the circadian rhythms get messed up which starts causing exhaustion and
lethargy and then everything seems harder because you’re sleep-deprived and
then you start thinking more negatively and more hopelessly you see where this
is going it’s a downward spiral and eating changes some people eat a lot
more because they’re eating comfort foods some people eat a lot less because
their stomach is so torn up from the stress they can’t even think about
holding anything down physical stress-related illnesses fibromyalgia
gastrointestinal problems headaches neck aches backache you know the whole
the gamut of it when you start feeling bad when you start hurting generally it gets
frustrating after a while and that frustration makes it kind of raises the
the bar brings you up a little bit so you’re
that is much closer to kind of just kind of being overwhelmed you don’t have as much
of a cushion as you would if you were happy healthy well nourished not in pain
and socially a lot of times we will get irritable or impatient with other people
or withdrawal when we’re having these negative cognitions these thinking
errors that are keeping us in a dysphoric state these effects of
thinking errors contribute to fatigue and a sense of hopelessness and
helplessness which intensifies thinking errors this is an important concept that
I want my clients to understand and I want to drive home in this presentation
so thinking errors what are they emotional reasoning feelings are not
facts and we want to help people to learn to effectively identify feelings
and separate them from facts so if somebody says I’m terrified
okay that is a feeling what are the facts supporting that feeling why are
you are terrified what is the evidence that you are in some sort of danger
right now you know and danger may not be the right word for your client at that
a particular point in time but what’s the evidence that there’s a threat in what
ways is this similar to other situations maybe it’s triggering something from the
past that was scary or you know you were too little to be able to
handle it but you can handle it now and how if you dealt with similar situations
like this, in the past, we want to help people just step back and get some
distance between their feelings and their thoughts and try to figure out you
know which thoughts are helpful and productive and even if a sought makes
people anxious or angry it can be helpful it may be telling them hey dude
you need to get your butt up and get out of there if it’s helpful it means it’s
moving them toward where they want to be happy healthy safe and values-driven
life so happy and helpful developed a stress tolerance skills when people use
emotional reasoning they feel emotions which then they start attributing
finding the facts to support those emotions instead of looking at all the
facts we want to help them learn to tolerate their distress so they can kind
of let that subside for a second they can accept their feeling they can name
they can say I’m scared I’m stressed I’m angry and whatever but they don’t
have to act on it right then they can tolerate the distress for a minute
without having to try to make it go away and emotional regulation skills they can
feel a feeling without having to make it go from zero to 120
you know if they feel sad they go I feel kind of sad instead of grabbing onto it
and going I wonder what I feel sad about I must feel sad about all these sad
things now I’m going to be sad and devastated so we want to
help people learn how to regulate their emotions identify them accept them
whatever word you want to use and tolerate them because feelings are
there for a reason they’re there to tell you your brain thinks something’s going
now thankfully we have that higher-order cognition stuff going on so
we can contradict our brain and we can go you know maybe that’s not true in
this situation cognitive bias negativity mental filter whatever you want to call
it people who focus on the negative they walk in they get up in the morning and
they look outside and it’s partly cloudy they get to work and they said instead
of saying there was it was very light traffic they said there was a fair
amount of traffic everything is always the flip side of
what somebody who’s optimistic would say so asking them what’s the
benefit to focusing on the negative in what ways is this helpful to you you
know some people say well it keeps me from getting disappointed because I know
it’s going to end up negative anyway so we can trap challenges that know that
whatever it is they think they know and see if there have been exceptions when
it hasn’t turned out that way what are the positives to this situation
I give the example a lot of you know I wash my car or it rains and maybe I
wanted to go out on a run that day but I can perceive it I can look at the
positives you know the rain washed my car for me so I don’t have to do it now
score it watered my garden all the better it knocked down some of the
pollen out of there even better I can find and I can encourage people to find
positives in a situation yes there are negatives there are negatives to every
situation if you want to find them you’re going to find them but if you
want to find the positives you can too which takes us down to what are all the
facts there’s the positive and the negative and the neutral I told you
earlier about the coin toss activity having people toss a coin on the
heads days they act like it is just the greatest day to be alive and see how
things are different when they do their journal because you know I have my
clients do I’m sort of a mindfulness check-in in
the morning and in the evening and preferably at lunchtime how are they
feeling what’s their emotional state what’s their energy level on the happy
days a lot of times it can be less and sometimes they need a little coaching
throughout because some of those old patterns kick in but I want them to
start challenging some of their automatic thoughts that we’re going to
talk about in a minute disqualifying or minimizing the positive most of us can
probably say we’ve had a bunch of clients that do this they are more than
happy to tell you about all the things that they mess up but then when they do
something right they minimize it encouraging people to hold themselves to
the same standard they would hold everyone else to and I know I talked
about that earlier ask them things like would it minimum would you minimize this
if it was your best friend’s experience your best friend came to you and said I
just got into such-and-such college would you say awesome or would you say
anybody can get in there how would that go ask them what is scary about
accepting these positive things that you might have had an
accomplishment for some people it means that it might mean other people expect
more of them for other people they just don’t know how to accept the positive
they don’t know how to accept compliments they don’t know how to be
the center of attention and they don’t like it and then we want to look at why
that is sometimes we disqualify the positive because it fails to meet
someone else’s standards so as people might that be true here you know I know
when I was growing up and going through college and going through school and
everything got my doctorate but I will always be ever and always being not
a real doctor because a Ph.D. is not an MD and I’m like really
so is it somebody else’s standards or can I feel good about having a Ph.D. egocentrism my perspective is the only
perspective I’ll being egocentric but it doesn’t work
most of the time so encouraging people to take alternate perspectives
maybe you’re texting with someone and they say something that is not that you
interpret as not the nicest thing and this happens in text messages a lot and
they get upset now an egocentric thinking error would say that purse is
just grumpy today someone that’s taking other perspectives would stop and go
back and read the text and go I wonder if maybe this could have been taken some
another way you know cuz their reaction is not what I intended
so egocentrism if you hold on to that I don’t understand anybody else because
you know I don’t see a problem with anything personalizing and mind-reading this is when you assume that everybody’s
frowning because of something you did your boss walks down the hallway
and looks at you and grimaces and continues to walk on oh I must have done
something wrong no maybe he just got out of his senior management meeting that
was five hours long and he’s got to go to the bathroom you know there could be
a hundred different explanations for why that happened so encourage clients to
ask themselves what are some alternate explanations for this event that
doesn’t involve me you know why might this have happened if they hold
on to that, I must have done something wrong but as soon as their boss calls
them up and goes hey can you come to my office for a second you know where their
thoughts are going to go I’m getting fired I’m going to get laid off I don’t
know what it was that I did wrong but he walked by me two weeks ago in the
hallway and grimaced and I’m just I’m the worst person in the whole world
but where did that come from so encouraging people to not necessarily
assume they know what’s going on in someone else’s mind and not
automatically attributing every person’s negative behavior to something they did
how often and then ask them how often has it been about you
now think about the last 10 times you’ve taken something personally how many of
those 10 times has it been about something you did versus something with
the other person then the availability heuristic remembering what’s most
prominent in your mind so asking clients what are the facts ah the most obvious
one that we talk about is plane crashes you know it is way dangerous to fly on a
plane because you hear about all those plane crashes well yeah you hear about
A few planes crash but you don’t hear about the 20,000 every day that land
safely so you remember it and it seems more dangerous because that’s what is in
your mind that’s what is available to you that’s what you’ve based your
thought processes on because maybe you didn’t know that 20,000 planes or more
fly and land just perfectly every day this can also be true with people
remembering what’s most prominent in your mind sometimes and this can be very
very true in domestically violent relationships if somebody falls in love
with someone and that person is just the greatest person since sliced bread for
the first four months and then the cycle starts and there’s this little tiny
a sliver of the honeymoon period after the battering cycle and the person’s like
that’s the person I fell in love with that’s what I remember and they try to
focus on that that’s most prominent in their mind and they ignore the rest of
the stuff so we need to encourage people to look objectively at the facts magnification are you confusing high and
low probability outcomes what are the chances that this is going to happen how
many clients have we worked with that have gone to the doctor and gotten in a
physical or get a test run and then the doctor had to call them back and
this could be true for you too and the doctor had to call them back two or
three days later when the tests came back from the lab and that whole three
days they were just in a panic because they
were afraid they were going to get some terminal diagnosis so thinking about
high and low probability outcomes another instance or example of
magnification is somebody that thinks this is the end of the world whatever it
I think I’ve told you before my little story about um tripping when I
was walking down the hall at work and falling and yeah it was embarrassing my
folders went everywhere and yeah but in that big scheme of things will it matter
that much from now you know are people gonna think oh she is such a clutch she
must be a ditz too no I mean they may have thought that at that time I don’t
know but you know in six months nobody’s going to remember and then ask them in
the past when something like this has happened when you’ve had to get a test
done and you’ve had to wait on results or if you’ve done something that was
embarrassing and you didn’t think you thought everybody was going to remember
it forever.
How did you tolerate it how did you learn to deal with it building
on those strengths that they already have all-or-nothing thinking errors
these are things like love versus hate I love them or I hate them it’s all or
nothing she does this all the time or she never does it if I’m going to do it
I’m going to do it perfectly or I’m not going to do it at all thank you all good
intentions or all bad intentions you know sometimes we do things with good
intentions that have some bad repercussions so did we do it with all
bad intentions are all good intentions and the answer is neither most of the
time life is kind of in that middle-ground gray area encouraging clients to
look and find examples where something hasn’t been one of the polls when having
they do something that they’re proud of that wasn’t perfect or when again
when has somebody else do something that they were proud of that wasn’t
perfect remembering that with availability
heuristic remembering how often something happens and how long it’s
been since you’ve seen that behavior and remember that sometimes good times are
amazing but how frequent are they compared with the bad times another thinking error is a belief in a
just world or a fallacy of fairness I just asked clients to identify for good
people you know who’ve had bad things happen and in reality we all have bad
things happen good people do bad people do in between people do attributional
errors and this is a pet of mine you know labeling yourself is not a behavior so
global versus specific and I am stupid versus I’m stupid at math I don’t have
good math skills it’s not about me it’s about the skills I can change skills
stable I am and I always will be versus it’s something I can change it’s
something I can learn internally it’s about me as a person versus it’s about a
skill deficit or something I could learn or change and there’s you know lots of
information on attributions out there on the internet if you need a refresher on
it but we find that a lot of people who have dysphoria have negative global
stable internal attributions so questions for clients remember the
beliefs equal thoughts and facts plus personal interpretation another way of
saying it is reality is 10% perception is 10% reality and 90% interpretation so
what are the facts for and against my belief is the belief based on facts or
feelings does the belief focus on one aspect or the whole situation does the
belief seem to use any thinking errors what are alternate explanations what
would you tell your child or best friend if they had this belief how would you
want someone to tell what would you want someone to tell you about this belief so
if you’re telling somebody about this what are you hoping they’re going to say
in return and finally, how is this belief moving you toward what and who is
important to you or moving you away from what or who is important to you now they
can do a worksheet and have all of these or you can pick one or two of these
questions that are most salient for your clients but they can have kind of at
their fingertips so as they’re going through the day and something happens
they can ask themselves ok what’s an alternate explanation or you know
whatever it is this is salient for that client’s irrational thoughts about how to do these
thoughts impact the client’s emotions health relationships and perceptions of
the world you know this is what we want to ask them how is this thought
impacting you globally how may this thought have been helpful in the past
where did it come from how does it make sense from when you formed it in the
past when you’re dealing with it ask the person if the thought is bringing you
closer to those that are important are there any examples of this thought or
belief not being true and how can the statement be made less global less
all-encompassing so it’s about a specific incident a specific situation
less stable which means you can change it and less internal which means it’s
not about who you are as a person but maybe something that you do or a skill
that you have so we’re going to go through some of these thoughts real
quickly here mistakes are never acceptable and if I make one it means
that I’m incompetent well never is kind of stable and I am incompetent is kind
of global, that’s also that extreme all-or-nothing thinking so you can see
where these cognitive distortions end up leading to unhelpful beliefs
when somebody disagrees with me it’s a personal attack well there’s
personalization if I ever heard it before maybe it’s not about you may be
they’re having a bad day and you just happen to be the unlucky target or maybe
they’re disagreeing with you because they have a different point of view and
it’s not a personal attack it’s just their point of view if someone
criticizes or rejects me there must be something wrong with me
personalization all-or-nothing thinking global stable and internal something
wrong with me as a person to feel good about myself others must approve of me
now this is one we’ve talked about external validation before and we can’t
control other people to feel good about yourself how can you do that
besides necessarily requiring other people to approve of you to be
content in life I must be liked by all people Wow I’ve never met anybody who’s
liked by all people I’ve never even met anybody who’s been hated by all people
but it’s important to help clients see how this is dramatic to say all
people and for them to be content then everybody has to like them
I mean I like to be liked but if everybody doesn’t like me you know
that’s pretty understandable my true value as an individual depends on what
others think of me I would challenge this one this is all you know
also, very personally internally I would challenge people to look at and say it
so your child’s value as an individual depends on what other people think of
he or most people would say no but the perspective thing nothing ever turns
out the way you want it to okay all-or-nothing thinking and probably
availability heuristic if something bad just happened then they may be focusing
on that which causes them to focus on all the other bad things in the past
that have happened not to focus on that is okay you know bad thing
happen but look at all these good things I won’t try anything new unless I will
be good at it this fear of failure fear of rejection
it just really paralyzes a lot of people when they get stuck with that thinking
the area that they have to be perfect I am in total control of anything bad that
happens is my fault well that’s egocentric and personal if
they think they’re in total control that’s their perception of how the world
are they think if they’ve got everybody on marionette strings anything
bad in the world that happens is their fault how powerful are they
I feel happy about uh if I feel happy about life something will go wrong
it happens sometimes but let’s look at times when you’ve been happy that
something hasn’t gone wrong you know let’s get rid of that all-or-nothing
thinking it’s not my fault my life didn’t go the way I wanted could be true
but it seems like that’s making you unhappy so what do we do about that if
I’m not in an intimate relationship I’m alone
no, again that’s pretty extreme I’m either in an intimate relationship, or I
am alone and a loner and you know it’s just me and my 17 cats which follows
with there’s no gray area so encouraging people to look at what these
beliefs are saying important thoughts impact behaviors and emotional and
physical reactions emotional and physical reactions impact thoughts and
interpretations of events so if you do something and it’s pleasurable
and you have a great physical reaction you know let’s take bungee jumping or
skydiving if you go out there and it’s scary but you do it and you’re just like
whoa what a rush your interpretation of that is probably going to be good which
means you’ll probably do it again if you go out there and it’s just the most
horrible experience you’ve ever had you’re probably not going to do it again
and your interpretation of it is going to be not good which is going to make it
hard to understand why other people would do it irrational
thinking patterns are often caused by cognitive distortions so let’s just look
back at some of those because there are a lot fewer cognitive distortions or
general ways of thinking about the world then there are thinking errors because
there are lots and lots of thinking errors cognitive distortions are often schemas
which were formed based on faulty inaccurate or immature knowledge or
understanding and by identifying the thoughts of the hecklers you know the
automatic tapes that are maintaining our unhappiness the person can choose
whether to accept those thoughts or change them As found on YouTubeThe Destroy Depression ꆛ System-Cure Depression Naturally YOUR DEPRESSION HAS BEEN IN CONTROL LONG ENOUGH. It’s Time to Fight Back ☂🗯 “Depression Sufferer Of Over 20 Years Reveals His Simple 7-Step System That Gives You The Power To Destroy Your Depression, End Your Feelings Of Sadness And Hopelessness, And Get Your Life Back.” “This didn’t just change my life, it saved my life.“
Alright, we are living. Welcome, guys. Welcome to the journey within It’s a journey of deconstruction and reconstruction of death and rebirth and today, I’ve got a very special hello hypnotist the founder of Twin Ravens Hypnotherapy and Research J Robert, Parker, In The House. Thanks for having me, man. Thank you. Thank you, dude. I think this will be a fun conversation cuz I mean, we. Absolutely. We both study hypnosis and I’d be very interested to get your perspective, you know, and how you got into this. So, um yeah, if you can share a little bit about who you are, how did you even get into this strange world of hypnosis? Uh, that’s an odd story. Um so, previously before the pandemic had been working as a chef uh that restaurant was actually where I met my partner. We did the stereotypical line cook ends up with the waitress thing. Interesting. And uh the the pandemic hit. And I had kinda seen the writing on the wall long before it had an effect. Long story short, you’ll say we both ended up out of jobs and it failed me to kinda pull something out of my bag of tricks to make money. I live in a very, very small town and there’s not a lot of ways to go about that. So, I ended up reading tarot cards professionally. And I was making a pretty good living doing that. And I noticed that I was reading people’s fortunes so to speak. And more using the archetypes of the tarot cards. Uh reframe their problems to them and help change their perspective And I got a lot of satisfaction out of that. And I started looking into what is a way that I can do only that. Uh and of course in an abnormal way. That I can do that cuz why not? And the Facebook algorithm. uh that one random point but HMI in front of me. previous to that, I hadn’t had any experience with hypnosis. I wasn’t even sure if it was real. I was in that camp And I talked to someone from admissions and they intrigued me. I figured why not give it a shot? This seems very interesting. And I think I was about two classes into 101 before I got my mind blown. The first time I saw the physiological responses of hypnosis. The things that can’t be faked. That is just reactionary. it just blew my mind. And then eventually I got to perform hypnosis and then, eventually, I got to experience it and that was a profound thing because uh going to that school, taught me a lot about myself and one of the things I came to learn is uh a lot of what I considered to be unusual behavior in myself. Uh wasn’t and a lot of what I consider to be unusual behavior in others, was it? I was just very extreme on one end of the suggestibility scale and I remember in class, they were explaining the traits of the intellectual suggestible of it’s like, oh, cool. That’s me and I took the suggestibility test and I scored like, eighty-two, my first time I wanna say. Jeez, man, that’s such an interesting thing because you’re, I mean you’re so rare and for you to be in hypnosis and experience hypnosis, uh I’m curious like who hypnotized you and how do they do it, right? Because you’re like the hard type. it was actually in a practice and it was with somebody I mean, I guess I should mention, this guy named Paul Villa Real and he’s since graduated, I believe. And uh, I told them what my suggestibility was and he said, cool. Can I try something? And he did what’s called an auto dual induction and that was the first time that it happened to me and that got me. It got me well enough that the next day, I wrote my custom version of that script uh based upon what worked for me and that was a very unusual thing because Previous to that, II did most of my experience with trance with self-hypnosis. Like, I can kinda help people along whenever they’re practicing on me because I was very aware of that state in myself and where I’d been there in the past, all that stuff. but in terms of outright just being hypnotized by somebody, uh that was the first time, and uh That was profound. Uh, the things that I learned and saw in that first time still kind of uh guide a lot of what I do for my clients. Because one of the things cuz I don’t remember too much of what was addressed. But one of the things that stands out to me as I was introduced to the future version of myself like 5 years in the future or so And that was profound to me. And that person that I saw kind of sticks out in my head and every day I think about what I can do to get to that point. And I have used that to a very great therapeutic effect with certain clients. Uh, I got the specialization in transgender hypnotherapy And one of the things I found with my transgender clients is that that class made me realize so much that it wasn’t just a psychological thing that it was a it was a physiological thing. And in that, that means that your brain is telling you that you look one way. And what you’re seeing in the mirror is telling you something very different. What if you were able to meet who you know you are? What if you were able to meet the person that looks how you know you’re supposed to look? And I find that having that, giving that to that person is substantial to their sense of self and their sense of well-being. Interesting. So, that does sound intriguing for so for someone who is, you know, they’re looking to meet their future, you know, 5 years from the future self. How how can we do that? Um, do you do that through self-hypnosis? Is this a visualization? Um. Um. Visualization. Visualization. I tend to use the LAL. Uh the uh for anyone listening that doesn’t know what that is. It’s a type of hypnotic induction or deepener where you start at a certain floor on an elevator and go down. The elevator opens and you meet this person and I make no attempt to describe this person. It is simply you in advance and II tell you to notice how this person looks, how they hold themselves, how they smell, like how, how they and depending on your suggestibility is kind of how profound that experience is. I um I don’t get hardly any visualization. Uh, I get weird flashes. Uh, I can’t smell anything. I don’t get anything auditory but I get a very heavy kinesthetic response. Uh. Interesting. Fuel things. Yeah. In imagination, right? In hypnosis. It’s not like you can’t smell things right now. Yeah. In the context of hypnosis. Right. Um. feel like if you tell me to walk downstairs, I will like to feel the stairs under my feet and things like that. That’s fascinating. Okay. So, uh for people who are listening, they’re like no idea like suggestibility type, intellectual, physical, you know, you know. Maybe like. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Cuz like we know, we know exactly what we’re talking about cuz we’re from the same college but um I mean, you break that down and uh yeah. Yeah, just go from there. Okay. Well, you’re the host. Why don’t you explain suggestibility to your audience? I’m Good, man. I could, I could. So, I was like, yeah, why not and you can critique me. But I’m not the one So as you, like you were saying, right, we’re all, first of all, we all can go into hypnosis. That’s a very, very natural state. And um, we, but we’re just on this kind of this uh, scale of suggestibility and some people do better with certain suggestions. versus others, and I lean towards kinda where, where you’re at, where it’s like, we do the, the indirect stories, and then on the other side is the very more paternal, hey, you’re gonna feel this, this is gonna happen, you are now in hypnosis, X, Y, Z, right? And that still does, that can work for me and you know, for others, but, not honestly for you, right? Cuz you’re, you’re very objectively something. If you are literal with me, you just hit a brick wall. Yeah. So I mean like go ahead. Go ahead. I respond very well to stories and um that is so my entire life like I literally when I was a teenager my friends used to text me and just say tell me a story. I just make something up. And to this day if you tell me to make up a story, I can. Like, just off the top of my head. And I uh, a big revelation and it was initially thanks to the man that uh ended up being my mentor. uh, Joe Burns. Oh, dude. Yeah. Awesome. Yeah, and he told me, to throw the script away. Don’t work off script and I took that to heart because it’s much more intimate and so now, that’s what I do. I make up stories. Those same stories that I used to make up for my friends. I now just make up for clients that a lot of the paperwork that I have them do uh for their life history and the um the questions that I ask and the initial consultation and session are kinda getting to know like what story you wanna be told, how you want your story told, and for example, I have a client who recently came to me and this person is a software engineer. Uh a somnambulistic software engineer nonetheless and II just decided because this came at a time in my career I become very frustrated with pre-written scripts. Like I had thrown one away in the middle of a session. Hm. And those three sessions that I had that day I told myself like I’m not gonna prepare a script. I’m gonna figure out my inductions. I’m gonna ask some questions. And I’m just going to make myself go. And I did. And those were three of the best sessions I’ve done. And what I end up doing with the software engineer is I spoke to them with metaphors of code, visualizations of computers, and debugging. And um, Sure enough, that that that safe place in their head was represented as a computer bank. what the way they perceived that computer bank uh mandated where I took that therapy. Just to kind of adjust their visualization. And that’s had fantastic results. Right. So, it’s like when we tailor the therapy to the individual client who’s gonna have, you know, a different background. They’re gonna have different metaphors and um now, this is good cuz um the way I explain like the unconscious and the conscious is that the unconscious is just the realm of metaphors and emotions and it that that seems to be the reason why uh we humans love stories. It’s all. Yeah. Metaphors. Exactly and I ask people. One of the examples I give is, have you ever watched a movie and gotten angry or sad or happy? Uh based on what was on screen. Of course, the answer is inevitably yes. Yeah. So, yes, why? You consciously, logically know that you are watching a falsehood. You know these things aren’t happening. So, why do you feel these emotions? And the answer is that. Your subconscious does not differentiate fact and fiction. It’s a metaphor. It’s a and that’s all it sees that’s well, everyone but the high physicals. Uh, the high physicals don’t tend to dig the metaphor or anything like that. You just gotta tell them how they wanna be and it’s fine but uh for everyone else, it’s and at this point, because of this mentality I’ve taken with my I guess be hypnotic storytelling. Every time I watch a movie now or read a fiction book. I start noticing ways that I can retell that story for different applications or specific scenes. One of the most amazing movies I’ve seen recently is uh have you ever seen that Disney movie Inside Out? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Uh. Yup. Have you seen it recently? No, that was like, wasn’t that like a decade ago? Yeah. You should rewatch that. Uh mental health professionals helped write that movie and it is still used in the mental. Well, that makes so much feel today. Yeah, that makes so much sense, dude. Yeah. When you rewatch it, with knowledge of the subconscious and metaphor It’s it blows your mind. So, okay. There’s that scene where they enter the subconscious and the critical mind is represented by those two idiot guards. And how do they pass by the critical mind? They confuse it. That’s my hat. No, that’s my hat. Wow. They do a confusion abduction to get rid of the gatekeeper of the subconscious. And more than, when they’re actually in the subconscious, and this speaks to a lot of what I say about fear. One of the first things they see is a giant vacuum cleaner. Um because the way that girl’s subconscious remembered that is because the way we remember our fears is in that moment in time. Frozen at that moment in time. So to that fear and that perception. That’s a giant vacuum cleaner because she was very small when she got that fear. And that has a lot to do with how I address fears and hypnotherapy. Because one of the things I stress is when we have a fear or a trauma which I argue is the same thing because we’re not afraid of something and we as we’re traumatized by it and if we’re traumatized by something, we have a fear. And what I it’s all where it happened at the time. For example, if you became afraid of a vacuum cleaner as a baby or a very small child, the vacuum cleaner would appear much larger because according to your memory and your perception, which cannot be changed until it’s addressed in hypnosis, that thing’s giant or maybe you were bitten by a dog when you were a child and you remember it as just Kujo, some giant, hell hound that almost tore your ankle off because it was so intense and traumatic. Where and hypnosis, maybe it’s just a Jack Russell Terrier that bit your ankle. Hm. When you were 6 years old and you had the emotional intelligence of a 6-year-old. So, you’re going to retain that memory as a 6-year-old until you readdress it and allow that person to uh gain a new subconscious understanding and association of that event. So, I’m gonna try to play advocate here and say, okay, I get it that, you know, when we were six, maybe we’re scared of a vacuum cleaner cuz it seemed very big or a dog or whatnot and we had to distort perception, right? But now that we’re adults and that we have developed our prefrontal cortex and our reasoning and now, we can go and we can experience that, you know, dogs are generally safe for the, for the most part, and happy and man’s best friend, or the vacuum cleaner, you know, it’s fairly harm is. Right and so uh why can’t we just maybe um do a little bit of exposure therapy, a little bit of cognitive behavioral therapy, and just say, hey, this is uh, this is false, this, you know, you can, sometimes. Um, and it depends on how traumatic the memory is. And really, a lot of the way that fears are addressed in hypnosis has to do with uh, desensitate, desensitization, that the same things you would do in the physical world you can do mentally. If you were afraid of dogs rather than go so far as to address that fear live and in person with the dog you could go through that same process of consciously and realize that you have control over that emotion. There’s uh as you know there’s something called circle therapy. Where in hypnosis you are presented with a fear or an anxiety and you are asked to recall that fear and the emotions associated with that fear. Consciously. So, you bring it up on purpose. And then it’s at the same time you tell them to bring it back down. And the purpose of this is for one, every time you tell them bring it back up. It’s a little less. But they gain the understanding that your emotion and your reaction is under your control. The way that you choose to react to this fear is 100% under your control. And once there is that realization, fear tends to fade. or it’s not yours. Uh, that’s an interesting thing I’ve encountered before. What do you mean? Oh, it’s not yours. just that. Um so, I did uh a podcast couple of months ago. Uh about fear. It was called fear. It’s run by two clowns and they were interviewing a German spy who had a fear of heights. And I uh and this is on my website by the way. Everything I’m about to say you can listen to this interview. But this person, this man, um not the shy away from it. He’s a government killer. Like he is what he did. He was in special operations. He went into places he couldn’t talk about and did things he couldn’t talk about. He was afraid of heights. As unusual as that is. And uh this was all done in about twenty minutes. I transit him. I took him back to that moment on the plane. Cuz he got that fear from his first training jump when he was seventeen. And in the process of just walking him through that moment. He realized something. That he had forgotten about until that moment in hypnosis obviously, this person was a very high physical. So, they said they could feel the vibration of the engines. They could smell the gas on the plane. They were there. Um, the kid that jumped before him screamed in terror and he went from being fine and calm to terrified. But he didn’t remember that. And so at this moment, he realized that this fear he had been carrying for decades wasn’t even his and I called him out of a trance, and within 5 minutes of that, he was hanging off the side of a balcony. Saying like, I don’t feel a thing. Huh. So, yeah. This is all in hypnosis. Yes. Um. And not the balcony thing. Yeah. That’s what’s interesting. So, he remembered in hypnosis the um. The other kind. Where’s my cause? Just got scared. And it wasn’t even his fear that that kid’s fear transferred to him and before he had time to process it, he was kicked out the door. So, this entire time, he’s been perceiving this event as his fear when as you know, if we’re around someone afraid or scared or happy, if but for a short moment, we feel that before we process it out as not ours but what if you didn’t get that chance? What if you feel that fear and before you could be like, man, that kid was scared. Somebody’s grabbing you by your collar being like, your turn. and he just perceived that as his fear. So, yeah, fear didn’t belong to him. Wow Yeah. So, I’d be curious um on your philosophy when it comes to trauma, right? So, for that particular case, I guess he just, he was able to kinda remember and and and bring up that unconscious material and then, oh, hey, this is not my fear. Um but do you think for trauma? Before we even get to that, what do you mean when you say trauma? Trauma is any event. leaves an impression later down the line. Usually negative. Uh, I guess it should be specifically negative. Um, something that leaves an imprint, something that uh like, okay, this would be just seen in the movie Inside Out. Trauma is when a negative memory becomes a core memory. that that it becomes a core memory is an aspect of your personality. So, it’s. Oh. Whenever something negative becomes a core aspect of your personality. Because of course, we all go through negative things but what if that negative thing is so extreme or its perception is so extreme that it formed every opinion and perception that you had after that event because it was a core part of your personality? Hm. That’s why that movie’s so good. Like, dude, I need to rewatch. You do. I took notes. I’ve got notes somewhere on that damn movie. Well, yeah. I feel like I’ve matured so much since then and then with the knowledge of hypnosis and now, parts therapy. So, I don’t know if you ever heard of uh internal family systems or any kind of parts therapy. I’m sure you, I mean, we, it’s, it’s been mentioned here and there in the college. Yeah. But um yeah, it’s so amazing now that I’m in like parts therapy and I’m sure it would, you know when you see all the different emotions like, oh, that makes so much sense. Like, yeah, we have all these different parts of us that sometimes different things and it gets into conflict, you know? So. One of the things that I’ve really kind of come to realize through doing this work and that I tell all of my clients is we are all at our core children. We are all scared eight-year-old kids. We’ve kind of got that cuz that’s when we form our core beliefs from zero to eight. So, by the time we’re eight, that’s our core self. Yeah. And that, that you, all exist and that what it means to be an adult is to learn how to parent yourself. How to parent your inner child. And that’s a perspective that I ask a lot of my clients to take. Because II asked them especially the ones that have children. Like the way, you talk to yourself. When you talk to your child like that. Yeah. But is that the way your parents talk to you? if you didn’t like that, why are you continuing to treat yourself like that? Why, why don’t you give yourself that same understanding? Because what, think about it. We all wanna stay up later than we should. We all wanna eat **** that we shouldn’t but we have that voice in our heads. Like, no, you have obligations in the morning. You have to get up or you know, that’s gonna upset your stomach or whatever have you and it’s the same things you tell a child but you have to tell yourselves. So, the way that you speak to yourself in that regard is very important. Yeah. Um what I’ve realized at least for myself, is that there’s even more than one inner child. Yeah. You know, there are lots of parts of us um that that have different goals and different perceptions and might get, you know, yeah, might get into fights or something. Um and so, it’s not even just the inner child but like, how do we parent all the different parts of us and realize that there is no bad part? You know, you wouldn’t call a child bad. You just would. Exactly. You know. Um, re-educate them. I heard something. I can’t remember if it was in class or in something I was watching. But it said that everyone has good intentions. Yeah. Everyone. No matter how evil or messed up. If anything there are always some manner of good intentions at their core. Yes. It could be wildly misperceived. It could be a mental illness. there are always even, even crimes of hate, even when somebody murders someone else, they’re trying to satisfy something in them. They’re trying to make something in them go away. So, they’re trying to take care of themselves. Yup. Or they feel some weird obligation to fulfill. It’s all manner of reasons but all all of these things boiled down to. They are for themselves or someone else or whatever have you. It’s good intentions. Just like your subconscious Yes. Always has your best intentions in mind. Even with traumatic things. Even with bad reactions. It is still just trying to protect you. Yeah. Just trying to preserve its homeostasis. It’s normal. yeah. Now, that’s powerful. And I think when we understand that, you know, I think sometimes we can like vilify the subconscious or vilify these different behaviors but they’re all serving some kind of purpose. So, you know, if you’re, if you’re traumatized, it’s trying not to get you into that painful situation. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, if you have crippling anxiety, it’s you’re subconscious, it’s your mind trying to protect you. You just have this fear reaction that’s out of control. And It’s there’s a lot to be said in terms of healing just for the awareness of that. So much of my work and especially my breakthrough work with clients has been through subtle changes in perspective. And that’s it. It’s not much more than that. It’s sometimes there are some changes to behaviors or thoughts changes. But a lot of it has to do with um the way you look at a situation, how you perceive it, why you think this way, why you think this way about yourself Although it’s stereotypical in therapy, I find myself asking the question, why are you feel that way? Where does that come from? A lot. Right. And there’s always something. There’s always another layer deeper until you get to that aha moment. And you can tell whenever something has left their mouth that even they didn’t think of. They’d never even made that association before. And just by having that come into their conscious mind by being able to consider that logically. You’ve already gone so far in that healing. It’s like when we raise our awareness and take different perspectives, then, behaviors start to shift. Well, it’s like uh I’m not a big NLP guy but there are some aspects in neuro-linguistic programming that I like and one of those is the mindfulness aspect. The idea of being aware of what you’re thinking. Uh taking control over your thoughts. I thought Joe did a very good example when he talked about how he was crossing the road and he started getting this perception of these men in this car at this crosswalk about how they wanted to do him harm and he started getting anxious about this imagined situation and he stopped himself and he forced his thoughts to something ridiculous. I forgot what he said he pictured those guys in this car doing but immediately changed his thought pattern. Yeah. And he was able to just walk away and he looked back and he said, they’re just both on their phone doing nothing. And that’s right. He’s told me that story too. That’s right. Yeah. And II love that story. It’s hilarious But it’s a very good example. Because so so often we let our thoughts kinda run out of control. And it does us some good to stop and think like why do you think that? Why are you thinking that way? Why? Why do you believe like there’s something to be nervous about in this situation? Where is that coming from? Hm. All your trail back. Figure out why you’re nervous. So we’re so for somebody who likes you asked them that like oh why are you nervous? Why are you afraid? And they’re like I don’t know. No idea. Well. What? How did you ask? Mhm. What makes you nervous? How do you feel when you’re nervous or afraid? Um did you, were you always afraid of this? If you weren’t always afraid of this, when’s the last time you remember not being afraid of it? When is the first time you remember being afraid of it? most time in my experience, people haven’t taken that logical path back. They just stop with, I don’t know. They it’s that self-examination is difficult. Um, a good example of this is I had a client that said that They wish that they were able to perceive themselves as others perceive them, as strong as others perceive them and I said, well, why don’t you think you’re strong? got into a car wreck and I felt like I could have done better and I felt like I failed. Why do you feel like you failed? Well, because I couldn’t be there when my grandfather died. and there was just this dawning realization when they said that. And I was like, you never said that out loud, have you? No. There you go. So, that is currently on the table for the next time and uh it’s just a good example of just keep following the path back. If you do, there there’s always a reason for the behavior. It’s never an I don’t know. There’s an I don’t want to remember. There’s uh I choose not to know but. Yup. There’s not a mystery. There’s always a reason that Could be had through questioning, figuring out when and where, and all of that. Yeah. Yeah. So, I’m curious cuz there are different schools of thought and not even hypnosis but in therapy that maybe, hey, don’t go back to the cause. You know, that’s just bringing up things that um that don’t necessarily need to be brought up or you can retraumatize people. X, Y, Z, focus on the solution, focus on the future, and more of like the positive thinking kind of approach. Um, I’m curious about what your thoughts on that are. It depends on the trauma Uh if it’s something like that they view as very grievous, it is something bad. I don’t ever ask people what their traumatic thing is. Like, you can just tell me that something bad happened in 2,000 seven. And that’s all I need to know. Uh, beyond that, all I, with, with that, I will, there’s a couple ways. But you, there’s no direct reexperience. You don’t take them back and make them live through it again. It’s antithetical to the goal. What you do is you take away that association. You make that not a core memory. They don’t focus on the events. They focus on the resolution. And the letting goes after that resolution. There’s a method that I very much enjoy that involves having them perceive this event on a screen. And they fast forward and rewind and fast forward and rewind until all that exists before the event and after the event. that that association is. And then after you establish that, you let them let go of that memory, of that association. And Trauma is very dependent on what happened. And uh sometimes it’s dependent upon um my referral. Because many times whenever it’s complex trauma uh I’m speaking to them on referrals from a mental health professional. Mhm. And a lot of it has to do with my communications with that mental health professionals. Whatever you learn. You know you’ve done. What do you need to be done? Um, it’s very important if you do find yourself working with uh medical doctor or mental health professional to get on the same page with them. Like involve yourself in that client and have them help you, help them, help that client. It’s a team effort at that point. It’s so dependent because II work with people with combat PTSD. I have uh postpartum depression. It’s just a matter of where this trauma and negative behavior come from. Often, uh with the combat PTSD, it’s always really heartbreaking to do those and I’m very happy that I get a chance to work with those men and women. there’s a lot that’s, for example, like what they’re not allowed to feel. Because you’re expected to, I literally soldier on. Hm. And there comes a time that that’s not a thing anymore. That you have to address what has happened to be able to heal. And I see a very similar thing in combat veterans that I see in people who suffer from trauma. they’ll go back to the closest safe save point in their head Uh it’s usually sometime when they’re a late teenager or soldier. It’s generally seventeen, or eighteen. And they’ll start adopting the traits that age. because they have all of these traumatic memories from older when they were older. So, it seems like psychologically, they just go back to the last time they were safe and untraumatized because it’s no longer safe to be an adult and I see that repeated time and time. Yeah, it’s. Wow. Interesting yeah, it must be very, very difficult to work with. Yeah, people who experience extreme, extreme trauma. Mm-hmm. So. I’m glad you are. But it’s one of those things like, once I realized what hypnosis was capable of and what it could do I kinda felt obligated to offer my services to them because it doesn’t matter what you think politically. It doesn’t matter what you think about war or the war or soldiers, the government, or anything like that. It has to do with these are deeply traumatized people who not getting the care and resolution that they need. I just feel obligated that if I have this toolset that allows me to give them that resolution, I should, that it doesn’t matter anything at all if I’m anti-war, pro-war, anti-government, pro-government, none of that. None of that matters. It’s just people. It’s just men and women who have seen things and done things that no one should be asked to see or do. And that’s it. That’s all it is. I’ve had a chance to see a wonderful change in those people because so much of it is it’s just difficult for them to deal with that, to face that. Whatever it is that they see. to do that is profound. To give them a safe place to do that. That is guided and secure. And it’s an interesting thing that for some reason people are hesitant to seek out psychotherapy. I have no problem with hypnotherapy. That. Really? Yeah, and I don’t know why that is. it’s fine and generally, I will encourage someone that if this isn’t something that they’ve seen a therapist for and they need to in the process of things, just be like, okay, now that we’ve kind of helped you through this, you need to consider bringing on someone else as well.
And therapy isn’t the cure-all. It’s great for a bunch of things but sometimes you need other stuff. Yeah. Yeah. In fact, like, the way I see it is to attack it from every angle. Mm-hmm. Absolutely. Yeah. There’s no reason not to bring in everyone who could help. Yeah Perfect. So, uh I’m just going back to um you know, how you got into hypnosis and you talked about, you know, self-hypnosis and I’m sure that that has helped you and I mean, it’s helped me. I think it can help a lot of people where they can just utilize this modality, get over, get over some fears maybe, you know. Absolutely. I’m curious how, how you do self-hypnosis and what’s worked for you. So, that’s changed recently Longest time I did it as we were trained. And uh one of the things I’ve started to focus on recently. my self-hypnosis work and with my clients is nostalgia. This weird thing that exists in our minds seems to be separate from everything else. And what I do to self-hypnotize now is II focus on one of my far-off memories. Like one of my distant distant nostalgic childhood memories. Now form that as solidly as I can and just start doing breathing exercises. And focusing on that nostalgic moment and gets me right into a trance every time. Interesting. And do you think that would work with other intellectual suggestions? You know, high E note? Uh, I have clients that nostalgia has started to become a major part of our work. Because, um, I don’t even know how to define it. It doesn’t exist in a space like other memory. It’s it’s different. It’s more intense. It’s standard memory. It doesn’t have that feeling that’s associated with it. And I don’t know what that feeling is. Um actually, that’s one of the things that I want to focus on the most with research as that’s what nostalgia is and what its uses are about hypnosis. Yeah. Um and it’s, I’ve already started using it with a few clients, this notion of focusing on intense nostalgia to facilitate trance and I’ve had very good effects. Yeah. Well, that’s that reminds me of Erickson and I’m sure you know his story by the way, for people that are watching that and not familiar with Eric’s uh Milton Erickson, he was one of the greatest hypnotherapy of all time and did very indirect, artfully, vague, lots of metaphors and stories and god just brilliant results as a genius and um you know, when he was younger, he had polio, couldn’t move, thought about a memory of when he could and then all of a sudden 30 minutes later, he found himself Maybe. Well, that’s why a lot of the clients that I’m working with nostalgia are my clients that have self-perception issues and self-confidence issues Because nostalgia exists in a point of pure happiness. You don’t have negative nostalgic memories. Really? And yeah. This nostalgia by its very definition is positive. Huh, and it’s it may or may or may not be true because memory sucks but it doesn’t matter because your perception of that memory is nothing but positive. Nothing but happy. And so by recalling these memories, you’re able to recall this happiness. Uh, one of the more interesting bits of homework. That I’ve given my clients is uh sometime between now and our next session. Go on YouTube and look up an hour of old commercials or old cartoon intros from your childhood or something Like that. Um. Cartoon Network. Yeah. Something. I’ve uh I spent like 2 hours one night just watching intros to cartoons from the nineties. Like that’s it. And I’ve kind of become very focused on it. I very much love that sensation of nostalgia. I think it’s important therapeutically. That’s kind of why I put so much effort into exploring it myself. Yeah. Uh, Anytime I have like a nostalgic memory or thought, I kind of try to capture that and examine it and like figure out what I could do to bring myself back to that time and just that ponder ance alone has a hypnotic effect And I don’t know what it is about where nostalgia exists in the memory. it’s its present. there is an odd field of science. That’s kind of coming up now. That’s the quantum sciences. And there are some individuals doing work right now. or up to it including hypnosis that are fascinating. Um, the main person I’m speaking about is this guy named Doctor Dean Raiden who is the head of the Institute of Noetic Sciences. And yep I heard of them. Uh, he wrote a book called Real Magic. That is the scientific research and analysis behind certain processes. Like ESP whatever have you. Um, and it’s done strictly from the view of science and research. And These things are related to hypnosis because if the institute can be said to have any goal or direction, it’s consciousness research. Why? What are we? Why are we? I kind of think. Yeah. And the book doesn’t answer any of those questions but this book does provide uh an interesting indication of the direction of science and what we’re looking at in the next twenty years. One of the most fascinating things uh about living in this time certainly isn’t the plague or climate death but uh there is a concept called the singularity and there’s a version that exists in AI and there’s a version that just exists as humanity and the idea of the singularity in terms of humanity. Are that human technological eras exponential? That to get from the bronze age, the iron age was like two 2,000 years from the iron age to the industrial age like a thousand. Industrial age. It only lasts two hundred. Then, you get to the point now that the internet age only lasts twenty years. So. Oh, we’re not, are we, Oh yeah, you’re right. Uh-huh? I was just trying to think like, well, yeah. And. Previous to that, the computer age only lasted like fifty And so, now we are approaching this point in human evolution and development that um progress. The human era can no longer be measured. That each human technological era begins to overlap itself. And that progress became becomes foreseeable by the organic mind. we have a date for that. And it’s twenty-forty-five. Uh between twenty forty-five, 2055 is when the singularity is supposed to occur. And what? So what is that what is that mean exactly? That means human technological progress becomes infinitely fast. Every day there are new technological breakthroughs. Every day there is more progress. Um. How does even determine this state? Do you know? Well. I don’t know. Smarter men than me have done this math. Yeah. But it’s you see it evident in human evolution. These cuz there’s there were times in our history when thousands and thousands of years were spent the same. centuries were spent the same. There was no real development. It was just kind of an age. Living in the era that we live in now, it becomes very difficult to conceive of that. Because even if you’ve been around for twenty years, you’ve seen insane amounts of progress. And that simply just didn’t happen. Previously. Right. Ever since the industrial age for better or worse, we’ve sprinted towards this exponential progress, and as to what singularity looks like, oh no. Uh, I surely just hope it’s not a new iPhone a day. Uh, I’m hoping it’s not the AI, you know, um. Oh, god. Take me over the world and. The matrix. I uh. I’m kind of opposed to AI. Kinda not. Because to get AI, we have to first solve the consciousness problem, and we solve the consciousness problem. Good luck. That pretty much unlocked the singularity right there. But at the same time okay, let’s say if we unlock consciousness, let’s say we’ve created an artificial intelligence. We have created a thinking, feeling machine. The feeling of what? How do you know that consciousness implies emotion? What, how do you know what that emotion is? Right. Right. It’s defining consciousness. Mm-hmm. Which is the tricky part. So, and then one of the interesting questions I’ve, it’s been posed to me is does emotion evolve? Are we more emotionally intelligent now than we were 500 years ago? You gotta remember 500 years ago, what was considered fun was watching the local heretic gutted in the public square. So, I have to think that, yeah, we have grown. I, I do think we’ve owned in some ways, and at the same time, you know, there’s always going to be some kind of watching people get, you know, it’ll be a violent movie. Um. Yeah. Yeah. US, UFC, you know, we I mean II remember. Yeah. I don’t know how old you are but. I’m almost forty. There was a show on in the 90s called America’s Funniest Home Videos. That’s right. And it was hosted by Bob Saggett for some reason. And uh there used to be a rule. But it first came out. That no one could get hurt. And the video. It was an explicit rule. What? no1 could be injured. Yes. Well and then the dude getting hit in the nuts by a football One 3 years in a row. And they realized their entertainment value. Exactly. Cuz when I watched it, it was like 80% of people getting hurt. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. And uh that’s an interesting aspect of humanity that to my knowledge, only the Germans have attempted to quantify. Uh, they have a word called uh Shodden Freuda. Which basically if I remember right, translates to the sad joy. And it is the pleasure that you get from other people’s pain. It is you who laugh at someone falling downstairs. It’s the reason you laugh at anything like that. Though the Germans have a word for it. It is Yeah. It exists Universally. And that is the very reason that um that that things like America’s funniest home videos or **** exist. Yeah. And it has to be II wonder really what is it psychologically that makes us like that? Is it a survival aspect of that ain’t me? Yeah. Yeah, I don’t know. Well because one of the weird questions I’ve never heard answered is uh why do we laugh? Like what even is laughter? Right. What is humor? Yeah. Uh-huh. and um because it wouldn’t exist for no reason. Laughter has to have a function the most interesting notion that I’ve heard is it was made as a diffused mechanism. The whole idea of why we find humor or awkwardness humorous. Because of like let’s say you were walking around the pack way back in the day. And you heard the Bush’s Russell. And everyone gets scared. You see the rabbit jumps out, so you laugh. And that signal which creates a neurological response in any human that hears it Is a way to signal the all clear. And maybe it’s a way to signal that hey that wasn’t me that just slammed into a **** curve on a bicycle or something like that. Like I don’t know what that is. I don’t define what humor is or why we laugh, to begin with. Right. Difficult question. And then you make it even more complex by the fact that some animals laugh. Really? Uh. Huh. Rats will laugh. Horses will laugh. Um, horses have displayed complex humor. Rats will laugh. Rats, you could tickle a rat. It’ll laugh. Giggle. That is so strange. Wow. They’re hyper-intelligent. Um, A horse. There’s some search horse prank on YouTube and you will get nothing but videos of horses taking revenge on people and laughing about it or playing a prank on their handler or something. it’s pretty. That’s always been the strangest thing to me because that implies very complex emotional intelligence to have humor. Yeah. Well, we’ve strayed. This is a very interesting topic for sure, man. Philosophical, psychological, like cultural, uh what’s called anthropology, anthropological questions. Um kinda tying it back to hypnosis. Well, I mean and you were talking about singularity and consciousness. Was that, were you going somewhere that in terms of hypnosis? Who knows? Um well, probably where I was going with that. Um if not, where I’m going now is that what we do is going if it’s not already it is going to become vital to consciousness research and what it means to have that type of increased development that we can analyze ourselves and others in ways that we haven’t been able to in the past. I’ve heard some theories that the notion of metaprogramming. Being able to actively change our thoughts and behaviors is uh an evolutionary step that is not something we’ve always had. That this ability to change everything about ourselves to suit our purposes is evolutionary. And I will take that one step further one of the things that I propose in many of my interviews is we don’t have free will. If everything of what we do is a product of association and learned behavior. How is that in any way an expression of choice? Now where free will comes in is when you choose to alter that behavior to suit your life when you choose how you want to view something. When you choose how you wanna act and react to something. Right, but aren’t those also dictated by past programming, by culture, um your knowns, so to speak? Yeah. You know. Could be. But it is the conscious choice of say if you have anxiety and you wish to resolve it. That is a conscious choice. Um. Right. Another example of a guess is if you don’t like a certain food, well, it stops. Like it. But you can’t. Okay, well, what if you could make that choice? What if you could just choose to make a certain food or like reading or like something in particular? What if your association was different? And that’s where the change comes in. That’s where the choice comes in. At least I think. That’s just uh the logical quandary that I like to present to people. Yeah. You know, this whole free-will discussion, man. That’s above my pay grade. I do mean on most days, I lean towards, you know, there probably is in free will but What I will say is I think it’s important for us to believe that there’s free will even if there’s not. Just to function in society and for mental health and yeah. Um, there are a lot of things like that that you don’t have time to get into today but it exists for you. You just have to play along to function. The biggest landmine in thought projects I could think of is simulation theory. Because you can neither prove it nor disprove it. So you could just continually fall that rabbit hole. So what is simulation The idea that we live in a simulation? Okay yeah, the matrix. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah yeah. There is no way to prove it. There’s no way to disprove it. Yup. And I have no couple of people that fell far down that hole. Yeah. So, now, this is not a lot of quantum physicists, okay? And obviously, I’m not anywhere near that realm and intelligence but from what I’ve heard and read and understand as a layman is that there is an interpretation that will lead to us being in a simulation, there are some quantum physicists who would say that, and um. Uh, who’s the deal? That it is. Yeah. Statistically more likely that we’re in a simulation than not. Is it? Yeah. Yeah. And it the singularity comes into that because it assumes that any civilization that gains enough technology to run a simulation will do so simply to gather information and that given our technological progress, it is more likely that we have reached that point and we are in a simulation, then, it is not. So, wait, maybe the similarities are just when our when our holes pop open and we all get to come to to play in the real world. You know what? I think this ties nicely into hypnosis. Yeah. Okay. Because our beliefs, our core beliefs, a lot of them, are just BS. Yeah. It’s all perception. Reality is perception and as hypnotists, we can help you change that perception. Yeah, I don’t know if you, if you’ve been part of like a stage hypnotist show, hypnosis show? No, I’m opposed to stage hypnosis. What? Uh. It’s something I’ve to develop and like, yeah, I get that reaction a lot but speaking to clients and speaking to podcasters doing interviews, Stage Hypnosis is responsible for 90% of the misconceptions and falsehoods about hypnosis. And I could say To me, hypnosis and hypnotherapy is a very, very, very powerful tool and it needs to be regarded as such and if we’re up on stage using what is supposed to be a powerful tool to make people stand on their head, that doesn’t allow people to view it with the, the gravity that they should because, to them, it becomes this, this parlor trick this and more than that, I’ve encountered people who’ve had negative experiences with stage hypnotists. Uh because of what they’ve experienced on stage, they would never get hypnotized again. I’ve thought about that a lot. Would I ever do stage work? And I think at this point, the answer is no. Uh, I would do parlor work within a small setting like Transing one person in front of a small group just as a demonstration. That’s fine but doing it as a spectacle in front of a crowd. I think personally, this is only my opinion that it robs hypnosis of some of the dignity that it deserves. Hm. And I understand why it exists cuz yeah, it’s a neat thing But like, given how important I feel that hypnosis is to, in the understanding of it is to our health. Did damages its capacity to do so, by it being a stage show. Here, here’s my kind of argument. Um, because if show somebody that, you know, hey, I can make you bark like a dog, cluck like a chicken, uh via the power of hypnosis. Imagine what it’ll do therapeutically. Imagine how easy it is for you to quit smoking or lose weight or you know. How many are to go to anxiety? Going to be convinced with that versus how many people are going to be convinced that it’s fake or that? Yeah, I know I get a process or that it’s mind control. Yeah. And that’s the contribution to the negativity that comes in. And the media doesn’t help because every time you see a movie where hypnosis is involved outside of uh black magic, that one movie from the forties. Um, it’s all **** Like it’s all just weird. if that’s not actually how that works. But it makes people believe it. That’s why you ask someone to imagine what a hypnotist is. The first thing they think is that. Yeah. I have one somewhere. Hey, it’s a legit induction man. It works. I know. That’s the whole reason I dug mine out is because like man if I’m a hypnotist I wanna trans someone with a pocket watch. Exactly. That’s why I got it too. Just for that. Yeah. Yeah. I got you. Oh, I feel like this might be a good stopping point, man. It’s been a fun conversation. I don’t know if there’s anything that you. Yeah, man. Thank you for coming on and um uh is there anything maybe you wanna end with before um you know, ask you how people can find you and work with you? Um well, one of the things I always like to end with, you’ve already mentioned that hypnosis is natural. It’s normal. It’s not a metaphysical thing that this is a natural function of the human mind and that there’s no reason not to utilize it for positive change. It’s there anyway. We’re not adding anything. So, it’s something that I believe anyone can benefit from But if anyone wants to get a hold of me, uh like I was so enthusiastically introduced, my name is Jay Robert Parker. I own Twin Ravens Hypnotherapy and Research LLC and you can get a hold of me through my website at WWW dot Ravens dot ORG. Very nice. And you are doing group hypnotherapy as well. Oh, yes. Um I, if you go to a meetup, uh meetup .com and search for twin ravens hypnotherapy. I have a bi-weekly group hypnosis that I’m starting up. Uh, just kind of as an experiment, see how well it catches on but it’s just uh every other week, just doing some general relaxation, motivation, just basic stuff, and way. Anyone that wants to be able to experience hypnosis gets the opportunity. It’s not the same as one-on-one but your results may vary. Some people get a very profound experience. Some people likely do but you always get something. You let them know what it is. Yeah. And awesome. Great talking to you man. Absolutely. And I just wanna vouch for Robert’s skill and his compassion and passion in this work cuz I’ve been in one of those group uh hypnotherapy sessions. And it was very powerful. So I recommend anyone who wants to experience the power of hypnosis, to change their lives, to go with, to with Robert and you’re in good hands. So, thank you, man. Thank you for coming on. Absolutely. Thanks for having me. Alright. Peace out, guys.As found on YouTubeHUMAN SYNTHESYS STUDIO 👀🗯 Attention: Have Real Human Spokespeople In Your Videos Saying Exactly What You Want In MINUTES! REAL Humans, REAL Voices, With A NEW Technology That Gives STUNNING Results Choose Your Human + Voice Type What You Want Them To Say Render your “Humatar” What You Are About To See Is Unbelievable…