https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IDj1OBG5Tpw
– I personally feel uncomfortable around conflict.00:00:03
– Now, we’re here today to find out how to argue. – But conflict is useful.
00:00:08
The question is, how do you deal with conflict the most effectively? Here we go.
00:00:17
I am author of Negotiating the Nonnegotiable: How to Resolve Your Most Emotionally-Charged Conflicts.
00:00:25
Have you found yourself in an argument that felt so frustrating, so at a core aggravating? – That’s the silliest opinion I’ve ever heard. – It felt just nonnegotiable? Well, congratulations, you’re a human being.
00:00:39
We all experience conflict in our lives, and seeing what’s going on in our world today, my hunch is you were probably having at least one of these conflicts about politics.
00:00:50
Our country has fallen into what I believe is a tribal trap. Anything that that other side says, I shall not believe, I shall not give any credibility to, and I’m gonna do everything I can to prove I’m right, you’re wrong, and to stifle you down to raise me up.
00:01:06
The problem is not with the what, what are we arguing about, the problem is with the how.
00:01:12
– How should we argue? – How can we be more effective? And what I’ve found is that there are three big barriers that we can actually overcome to have more effective conversations.
00:01:23
The big things, one, identity, two, appreciation, and three, affiliation. Let’s start with identity.
00:01:32
– Now, first of all, this is a hot issue. – Why do we get so emotional in these conflict situations? It often goes back to something deeper: identity. What are the core values, the core beliefs that are feeling threatened inside of you as you’re having that conversation with the other side? The moment your identity gets hooked in these conflicts, all of a sudden your emotions become Boy, this is a wholly different conflict now. It’s now your pride.
00:02:01
Your sense of self is on the line.
00:02:04
You need to know who you are and what you stand for. What are the values and beliefs that are driving me to fight for this stance on this issue? The more you understand who you are, the more you can try to get your purpose met and stay balanced, even when the other threatens those core values and beliefs.
00:02:24
Each side wants to feel appreciated, and yet the last thing they wanna do is to appreciate the other side. That’s a problem.
00:02:34
– Listen and understand.
00:02:37
– When you’re in the midst of the conflict, don’t talk. Take the first 10 minutes.
00:02:43
Consciously listen to the other side.
00:02:46
What’s the value behind their perspective? What’s the logic, the rationale? Why do they hold this perspective on immigration or healthcare? Once you truly understand and see the value in their perspective, let them know I hear where you’re coming from, and you know what? That makes sense.
00:03:04
There is nothing more in the world that we like than to feel appreciated.
00:03:08
Recognize your power to appreciate them. Third, affiliation. What’s the emotional connection like between you and the other side? We typically approach these conflict situations as me versus you.
00:03:23
My opinion on healthcare versus yours, my party’s perspectives on immigration versus yours. That’s just gonna leave the two of you like rams butting heads.
00:03:34
– Find common ground. – Turn that other person from an adversary into a partner, so it’s no longer me versus you, but the two of us facing the same shared problem. Ask the other person, “Look, what’s your advice “on how we can get as many of our interests met “at the same time?” Change the nature of your conversation.
00:03:57
Now, you put these three things into practice, it can transform your relationships.
00:04:02
Imagine what would happen if we started a revolution, but a positive revolution of greater understanding, greater appreciation, greater affiliation, how we could transform politics, how we could transform our country and ultimately our world.
00:04:17
I believe it’s possible, but it starts with each one of us.
Source : Youtube
If that’s just what smelling it can do? What about eating rosemary? We have studies on alertness and cognition and reduced stress hormone levels, by inhaling rosemary.
However, there were no clinical studies on cognitive performance following ingestion of rosemary.
Until now, Older adults, average age 75 were given two cups of tomato juice, with either nothing or a half.
A teaspoon of powdered rosemary, which is what one might use in a typical recipe, or a full teaspoon, two teaspoons, or over a tablespoon of rosemary powder, and they even gave them some placebo pills to go with it to even further eliminate any placebo effects.
Speed of memory is a potentially useful predictor of cognitive function during aging, and what they found is that the lowest dose had a beneficial effect, accelerating their processing speed, but the highest dose impaired their processing speed, maybe because the half-teaspoon dose improved alertness, while the 4 Teaspoon dose decreased alertness, So rosemary powder at the dose nearest to normal, culinary consumption demonstrated positive effects on speed of memory.
The implicit take-home message being more isn’t necessarily better. Take high doses of herbal supplements extracts tinctures, just cooking with spices is sufficient.
A conclusion, no doubt pleasing to the spice company that sponsored the study.
No side effects were reported, but that doesn’t mean you can eat the whole bush.
This poor guy swallowed a rosemary twig which punctured through the stomach into his liver, causing an abscess from which 2 cups of pus and a 2-inch twig were removed, so explore herbs and spices in your cooking Branch out.
Just leave the branches out.
It can be a lot easier to act busy rather than face the awkwardness of an unwanted conversation.
So, this can become a habit of avoidance. If you have social anxiety, five constantly worrying about how everyone sees you.
According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, those with a social anxiety disorder are increasingly concerned about how they are perceived by others.
The last thing they want is to come off as awkward, fumbling, or boring.
You’ve likely felt this way at some point throughout your life, whether it’s the desire to fit in with friends or make a good impression on a potential employer with social anxiety.
However, this pressure to perform feels constantly heavy and can lead to full-blown panic attacks when in social or performance-based situations Number six is feeling lonely.
Even when you’re surrounded by people, People with social anxiety can share this feeling with those who battle, depression and other mental illnesses as well.
So, unfortunately, a lot of people can relate to this isolating feeling When social anxiety keeps you from being your true self.
It can be difficult to feel included at all. It’s frustrating to be close to others, but not be able to connect with them in a comfortable way.
If you’re struggling to effectively communicate and are extremely hesitant to even start a conversation that adds to your feelings of loneliness, even when you’re, surrounded by others, Number seven clenching your teeth and other physical discomforts, you feel shaky or lightheaded when faced with A social situation: Does your heart rate speed up or do your hands tremble? The stress that comes with social anxiety can manifest through physical symptoms.
Many of the symptoms are signs of nervousness such as sweating, flushing, and feeling shaky According to Mayo Clinic. You might also be dealing with muscle tension, feeling that your mind has gone blank, or having trouble catching your breath.
Number eight obsessing over how you look When you’re, constantly worried about how others perceive you.
You’re likely to be concerned with how you look as well.
You might have a distorted body image and think that you’re less physically attractive.
Your thoughts can flit from your hair to your clothes or flaws in your skin.
Thinking that it’s just all wrong In an attempt to feel comfortable in your own skin, you might spend an inappropriate amount of time and money on fixing your appearance, such as shopping for better clothes, getting high-end beauty products, or going on diets.
If you think you’re overweight and number nine, you feel more like yourself around the people.
You’re comfortable with Yourself, think you’re picky about who you spend time with, and triumph over shyness by conquering social anxiety disorder, Dr. Marie B. Stein and John R. Walker discusses behavior in children called selective mutism.
This is when a child speaks and acts normally around select individuals but is completely silent around everyone else or when placed in certain situations.
This is a more extreme example, but it shows how those with social anxiety are more likely to relax and open up around people. They already know and trust, do you or anyone you know resonate with any of these points mentioned in this video?
If you’re concerned about social anxiety disorder, we encourage you to speak with a mental health professional.
They can help you overcome any fears or debilitating problems you might have If you enjoyed watching this video, give us a thumbs up and share it with someone who might find it helpful as well.
The studies and references used in this video are listed in the description below Don’t forget to hit the subscribe button for more Psych2go videos and as always thanks for watching and we’ll see you next time.
Life isn’t always kind to us, and self-love and a balanced lifestyle don’t come easily. Living with anxiety, especially if it’s hidden or suppressed, can make it hard for us to feel good about ourselves and let ourselves feel happy. It makes us believe that we don’t deserve it and traps us in a vicious cycle of negative self-talk and constant pressure to be perfect. 9. You have a lot of negative thoughts. Are you a pessimist who is quick to find the downsides in every situation? Do you find yourself getting upset or stressed out over even the most minor inconveniences? Is every day a constant battle with yourself against the spiral of panicked and rational thoughts you have? In 1997, famed psychologist and cognitive therapist, Aaron Beck, termed this kind of thought pattern as catastrophic thinking, which he often observed in his patients who suffered from anxiety. And 10. You experience physical symptoms. Sometimes anxiety can be entirely physical because while your conscious mind may not always be aware of your anxiety it will definitely make itself known to your body.
Things like erratic heartbeats, chest palpitations, muscle tension, a clenched jaw, shaky hands up sweating are all indicative of anxiety. Your body may be trying to let your mind know that you’re feeling anxious and stop it before it gets any worse. Do you relate to any of the problems listed here? Or do you do your best to seem ok? And hide your symptoms because you feel embarrassed about your anxiety? The truth is: you’re not alone and having mental health issues is nothing to be ashamed of.
What do you plan to do next? Let us know in the comments below! Don’t forget to like this video and subscribe to Psych2Go for more psychology content. Thanks for reading and we’ll see you soon…
However, the findings may need
to be interpreted with caution, since nearly half of the studies
didn’t define and adhere to a well-planned exercise regimen
in the control group. Furthermore, an exercise intervention
comparable in intensity to yoga was followed only in three
out of the eight studies included. And, for what it’s worth,
The majority of the studies, six out of eight, were from India. When yoga was carefully
compared to sham yoga, which consisted of chair exercises,
standing exercises, and slow walking to match
the yoga session, the relative yoga
benefits evaporated.
Both yoga and sham yoga had identical effects
on blood sugar status. Hence, further well-controlled
Randomized trials are required prior to drawing conclusions
about the benefits of yoga in comparison to physical exercise
in patients with diabetes. Similar tentative conclusions were
reached for yoga for osteoarthritis. Put all the studies together
and yoga may indeed be effective for improving pain, function,
and stiffness in individuals with osteoarthritis of the knee,
compared not only to doing nothing but compared
to other kinds of exercise. They had some issues with
the quality of some of the studies, and so only a weak recommendation
for the use of yoga for osteoarthritis, but hey, if you like yoga or if yoga
is the only kind of exercise you’re willing to do, then
It’s probably better than nothing. Finally, in this video,
Let’s look at the effects of yoga compared to active and inactive
controls meaning like compared to other exercise regimens
or just like doing nothing on physical function and
health-related quality of life in adults aged 60 and older. Compared to doing nothing,
They found clear evidence that yoga improves physical function
and psychological well-being in older adults, so it definitely
better than nothing.
What about compared
to other exercises? Yoga pulled ahead for lower limb
strength and lower body flexibility, but for improving balance,
mobility, and walking speed, yoga appeared comparable. Psychologically, yoga appeared
to beat out other exercises for alleviating depression
in older adults, but not anxiety or perceived
mental health in general.
If it was your best friend’s experience your best friend came to you and said I
just got into such-and-such college would you say awesome or would you say
anybody can get in there how would that go ask them what is scary about
accepting these positive things that you might have had an
accomplishment for some people it means that it might mean other people expect
more of them for other people they just don’t know how to accept the positive
They don’t know how to accept compliments they don’t know how to be
the center of attention and they don’t like it and then we want to look at why
that is sometimes we disqualify the positive because it fails to meet
someone else’s standards so as people might that be true here you know I know
When I was growing up and going through college and going through school and
everything got my doctorate but I will always not being not
a real doctor because a Ph.D. is not an MD and I’m like really
So is it somebody else’s standards or can I feel good about having a Ph.D. egocentrism My perspective is the only
perspective I’ll being egocentric but it doesn’t work
most of the time so encouraging people to take alternate perspectives
Maybe you’re texting with someone and they say something that is not what you
interpret as not the nicest thing and this happens in text messages a lot and
they get upset now an egocentric thinking error would say that purse is
just grumpy today Someone who’s taking other perspectives would stop and go
back and read the text and go I wonder if maybe this could have been taken some
other another you know obvious reaction is not what I intended
So egocentrism if you hold on to that I don’t understand anybody else because
You know I don’t see a problem with anything personalizing and mind-reading This is when you assume that everybody’s
frowning because of something you did your boss walks down the hallway
and looks at you and grimaces and continues to walk on oh I must have done
something wrong No maybe he just got out of his senior management meeting that
was five hours long and he’s got to go to the bathroom you know there could be
a hundred different explanations for why that happened so encourage clients to
ask themselves what some alternate explanations for this event that are
doesn’t involve me you know why this might have happened if they hold
on to that, I must have done something wrong but as soon as their boss calls
them up and goes hey can you come to my office for a second you know where their
thoughts are going to go I’m getting fired I’m going to get laid off I don’t
know what it was that I did wrong but he walked by me two weeks ago in the
hallway and grimaced and I’m just I’m the worst person in the whole world
But where did that come from so encouraging people to not necessarily
assume they know what’s going on in someone else’s mind and not
automatically attributing every person’s negative behavior to something they did
How often and then ask them how often has it been about you
now think about the last 10 times you’ve taken something personally how many of
Those 10 times has it been about something you did versus something with
the other person then the availability heuristic remembering what’s most
prominent in your mind so asking clients what the facts ah the most obvious
One that we talk about is plane crashes You know it is very dangerous to fly on a
plane because you hear about all those plane crashes well yeah you hear about
the airlines crashes but don’t hear about the 20,000 every day that land
safely so you remember it and it seems more dangerous because that’s what is in
your mind that’s what is available to you that’s what you’ve based your
thought processes on because maybe you didn’t know that 20,000 planes or more
fly and land just perfectly every day this can also be true with people
remembering what’s most prominent in your mind sometimes and this can be very
very true in domestically violent relationships if somebody falls in love
with someone and that person is just the greatest person since sliced bread for
the first four months and then the cycle starts and there’s this little tiny
a sliver of the honeymoon period after the battering cycle and the person’s like
That’s the person I fell in love with that’s what I remember and they try to
focus on that that’s most prominent in their mind and they ignore the rest of
the stuff so we need to encourage people to look objectively at the facts magnifying high and
low probability outcomes what are the chances that this is going to happen how
Many clients have worked with have gone to the doctor and gotten into a
physical or get a test run and then the doctor had to call them back and
This could be true for you too and the doctor had to call them back two or
Three days later when the tests came back from the lab and that whole three
days they were just in a panic because they
were afraid they were going to get some terminal diagnosis so thinking about
high and low probability outcomes another instance or example of
magnification is somebody that thinks this is the end of the world whatever it
I think I’ve told you before my little story about um tripping when I
was walking down the hall at work and falling and yeah it was embarrassing my
folders went everywhere and yeah but in that big scheme of things will it matter
That much from now you know are people going to think Oh she is such a clutch she
must be a ditz too no I mean they may have thought that at that time I don’t
know but you know in six months nobody’s going to remember and then ask them in
the past when something like this has happened when you’ve had to get a test
done and you’ve had to wait on results or if you’ve done something that was
embarrassing and you didn’t think you thought everybody was going to remember
it forever how did you tolerate it how did you learn to deal with it building
on those strengths that they already have all-or-nothing thinking errors
These are things like love versus hate I love them or I hate them it’s all or
Nothing she does this all the time or she never does it if I’m going to do it
I’m going to do it perfectly or I’m not going to do it at all thank you all good
intentions or all bad intentions you know sometimes we do things with good
intentions that have some bad repercussions so did we do it with all
Bad intentions are all good intentions and the answer is neither most of the
time life is kind of in that middle-ground gray area encouraging clients to
Look and find examples where something hasn’t been one of the polls when have
they done something that they’re proud of that wasn’t perfect or when again
When has somebody else done something that they were proud of that wasn’t
perfect remembering that with availability
heuristic remembering how often something happens and how long it’s
been since you’ve seen that behavior and remember that sometimes good times are
amazing but how frequent are they compared with the bad times another thinking error is a belief in a
just world or a fallacy of fairness I just asked clients to identify for good
people you know who’ve had bad things happen and in in reality we all have bad
things happen good people do bad people do in between people do attributional
errors and this is a pet of mine you know labeling yourself is not a behavior so
global versus specific and I am stupid versus I’m stupid at math I don’t have
good math skills it’s not about me it’s about the skills I can change skills
stable I am and I always will be versus it’s something I can change it’s
something I can learn internally It’s about me as a person versus it’s about a
skill deficit or something I could learn or change and there’s you know lots of
information on attributions out there on the internet if you need a refresher on
it but we find that a lot of people who have dysphoria have negative global
stable internal attributions so questions for clients remember the
beliefs equal thoughts and facts plus personal interpretation another way of
saying it is reality is 10% perception is 10% reality and 90% interpretation so
what are the facts for and against my belief is the belief based on facts or
Feelings Does the belief focus on one aspect or the whole situation Does the
belief seem to use any thinking errors what are alternate explanations what
Would you tell your child or best friend if they had this belief how would you
want someone to tell what would you want someone to tell you about this belief so
If you’re telling somebody about this what are you hoping they’re going to say
in return and finally, how is this belief moving you toward what and who is
important to you or moving you away from what or who is important to you now they
can do a worksheet and have all of these or you can pick one or two of these
questions that are most salient for your clients but they can have kind of at
their fingertips so as they’re going through the day and something happens
They can ask themselves ok what’s an alternate explanation Or you know
Whatever it is this salient for that client’s irrational thoughts how do these
thoughts impact the client’s emotions health relationships and perceptions of
the world you know this is what we want to ask them How is this thought
impacting you globally how may this thought have been helpful in the past
Where did it come from How does it make sense from when you formed it in the
past when you’re dealing with it ask the person if the thought is bringing you
closer to those that are important Are there any examples of this thought or
belief not being true and how can the statement be made less global less
all-encompassing so it’s about a specific incident a specific situation
less stable which means you can change it and less internal which means it’s
not about who you are as a person but maybe something that you do or a skill
that you have so we’re going to go through some of these thoughts real
Quickly here mistakes are never acceptable and if I make one it means
that I’m incompetent well never is kind of stable and I am incompetent is kind
of global, that’s also that extreme all-or-nothing thinking so you can see
where these cognitive distortions end up leading to unhelpful beliefs
When somebody disagrees with me it’s a personal attack Well there’s
Personalization If I ever heard it before maybe it’s not about you may be
They’re having a bad day and you just happen to be the unlucky target or maybe
they’re disagreeing with you because they have a different point of view and
It’s not a personal attack it’s just their point of view If someone
criticizes or rejects me there must be something wrong with me
personalization all-or-nothing thinking global stable and internal something
wrong with me as a person to feel good about myself others must approve of me
Now this is one we’ve talked about external validation before and we can’t
control other people to feel good about yourself how can you do that
Besides necessarily requiring other people to approve of you to be
content in life I must be liked by all people Wow I’ve never met anybody who’s
liked by all people I’ve never even met anybody who’s been hated by all people
but it’s important to help clients see how this is dramatic to say all
people and for them to be content everybody has to like them
I mean I like to be liked but if everybody doesn’t like me you know
That’s pretty understandable My true value as an individual depends on what
others think of me I would challenge this one this is all you know
Also very personally I would challenge people to look at and say it
so your child’s value as an individual depends on what other people think of
Most people would say no but the perspective thing nothing ever turns
out the way you want it to okay all-or-nothing thinking and probably
availability heuristic if something bad just happened then they may be focusing
on that which causes them to focus on all the other bad things in the past
that have happened not to focus on that is okay you know bad thing
happen but look at all these good things I won’t try anything new unless I will
be good at it this fear of failure fear of rejection
It just really paralyzes a lot of people when they get stuck with that thinking
the area that they have to be perfect I am in total control of anything bad that
happens is my fault well that’s egocentric and personal if
They think they’re in total control that’s their perception of how the world
Do they think if they’ve got everybody on marionette strings anything
bad in the world that happens is their fault how powerful are they
I feel happy about uh if I feel happy about life something will go wrong
It happens sometimes but let’s look at times when you’ve been happy that
something hasn’t gone wrong you know let’s get rid of that all-or-nothing
thinking it’s not my fault my life didn’t go the way I wanted could be true
but it seems like that’s making you unhappy so what do we do about that if
I’m not in an intimate relationship I’m alone
No, again that’s pretty extreme I’m either in an intimate relationship or I
am alone and a loner and you know it’s just me and my 17 cats which follows
with there’s no gray area so encouraging people to look at what these
beliefs are saying important thoughts impact behaviors and emotional and
Physical reactions emotional and physical reactions impact thoughts and
interpretations of events so if you do something and it’s pleasurable
and you have a great physical reaction you know let’s take bungee jumping or
Skydiving if you go out there and it’s scary but you do it and you’re just like
Whoa what a rush Your interpretation of that is probably going to be good which
means you’ll probably do it again if you go out there and it’s just the most
horrible experience you’ve ever had you’re probably not going to do it again
and your interpretation of it is going to be not good which is going to make it
hard to understand why other people would do it irrational
thinking patterns are often caused by cognitive distortions so let’s just look
back at some of those because there are a lot fewer cognitive distortions or
general ways of thinking about the world then there are thinking errors because
There are lots and lots of thinking errors Cognitive distortions are often schemas
which were formed based on faulty inaccurate or immature knowledge or
understanding and by identifying the thoughts of the hecklers you know the
automatic tapes that maintain our unhappiness the person can choose
whether to accept those thoughts or change them.
I would never ever invalidate that. It’s true. But
if you started that way, and are now just afraid that well, if I
walk into the house, and then I don’t like how I feel, that has
become the primary fear. Well, now you have two problems, you
have to work on the disorder and anxiety part. And then maybe
There’s some healing, some trauma work to do. Yeah, that
could be more than one thing can be true at one time. So, when I
say that you do not need to find the root cause of your panic
attacks or anxiety to get better. I’m talking about a
situation where you have learned to be afraid of your own body
and thoughts. Right. So, in that situation, the root cause kind
of doesn’t matter anymore.
It still might be there. And one
day, you may do that work, maybe you’ll do that work
simultaneously, as you’re doing the anxiety disorder, recovery
work could be people do that. But to stand on your feet
again, and no longer be afraid of your own heartbeat, which is
the thing I use all the time. No, you don’t need to find a
root cause.
Whatever that root cause is, did not make
you are afraid of your own heartbeat. It may have been the
trigger that caused your heart to beat faster, and those first
waves of anxiety as far as panic attacks. But now you’re afraid
of your heart itself. So the root cause is on the back burner
now, sorry, it is. And the beauty of some of this
process is many, many people in our community come to this
process and figuratively, metaphorically, they’re on fire,
they’re burning, they’re burning, I can’t get out of my
own bed, I can’t leave my bedroom, I cannot even walk to
the other side of the house. without panicking. I have to sit
in the dark all day. I’m super sensitized. I can do nothing I
just panic, panic, panic all day long.
I’m anxious, anxious,
anxious, the thoughts, the thoughts, the thoughts. And they
stopped digging for root causes, they started doing this kind of
work, and they put the fire out. And then they discover like,
Okay, I’m back to a state where now maybe I could do some of
that root cause work. I see that every single day. And for those
people, they have very difficult but sometimes very rewarding
journeys and experiences. But digging for a root cause because
everybody just assumes that panic is caused by some sort of
unhealed pain is really a very damaging narrative in the
anxiety disorder community. So no, you don’t need that. And I
will tell you right now, if you’ve been working with
anybody, whether they just be supportive friends, family
members, or a therapist that has been digging for your root cause
for two years, and you still can’t find it, and you still
can’t leave your house, you got to rethink that relationship.
I’ll say it.
Okay, I can say that. So that is the answer to
the root cause question. I’ve talked about this, all of the
things I’m talking about today, I’ve written about that, in my
books there another episode of the podcast are in the morning
newsletter, and they’re in my social media content. They’re
all there. So let’s move on to the next question. Another sort
of hot topic that I catch a lot of heat about, why don’t I talk
about things like nutrition or diet or supplements? I get
asked, I don’t understand Drew. It’s a mind-body thing.
Everybody loves the mind. The body loves the mind and body. Listen, I have no
problem with mind-body. I’m cool with that. I don’t believe that
the fact that there’s a connection between your mind and
your body is news.
Like, we kind of know this already. It’s
not news. It’s not profound. It doesn’t necessarily inform the
recovery process. Just like my answer to the last
question, if you are afraid of your own heartbeat, or you have
thoughts that you can’t, necessarily unhinged, unhitch
from and they are dragging you up and down the street every
day, even though you know they shouldn’t, and you know, they’re
not true, but you get dragged around anyway. If you’re afraid
of your own breath, if you’re terrified to be alone, because
What if something happens, and nobody’s here to save me,
because I might panic. And my anxiety might be dangerous this
time, then there is nothing in your gut biome that’s going to
Make a hill of beans a difference about that.
Now, this
is not to say that I don’t believe in taking good care of
your body, we should all take good care of our bodies. There’s
nothing wrong with that whatsoever. Again, these are not
mutually exclusive things. I don’t talk about diet or
nutrition or supplements, because everybody should take
care of their bodies. But in this paradigm that I have
embraced in my life, that many, many of us in this cognitive
behavioral approach to anxiety disorders have embraced,
that doesn’t enter into it.
Really, you know, look, don’t
let yourself get run down. Don’t be unhealthy. Take good care of
yourself as best you can. But I’m going to tell you right now, that I
have run across hundreds and hundreds of people who have
fully recovered from a steady diet of sugar, processed foods, and
cigarettes. They still got better. They probably have
terrible gut biomes I’m guessing I’m no expert on that. But the
reason why I don’t talk about those things is because even
though you feel anxiety physically, an anxiety disorder
is not a physical problem. Is it possible that I don’t know
something in your leaky gut syndrome or something
that caused your initial panic attack to maybe, but now you’re afraid
of the attack?
Itself. This is why the
community is full of people who spent just gobs and gobs of
money on all kinds of supplements and herbs and
special diets and programs, who still are having a problem, they
may have incredibly well-balanced gut biomes. And I know
I keep going back to that, you know, they’re treating that air
quotes the second brain as best as you, as we know, to treat it,
feeding it the most, you know, whole organic foods and
supplementing properly, but still can’t get better. There’s
a reason for that.
There’s a reason for that. So that’s why I
don’t talk about nutrition or diet or supplements because, to
me, it’s a red herring and recovery. It’s a thing that
everybody should take good care of take, Please take good care
of your physical health, please. Like I wouldn’t, you know,
advise everybody to do that.
But chasing diet, supplements, herbs
in recovery is a red herring, it leads us down paths, and we don’t
need to go and it becomes frustrating. Because I’m
guessing that for every 100 people listening to my words,
Right now, there are at least thirty-five of you who have a closet or a
box, or a big plastic container full of at least 300 US dollars
worth of vitamins, supplements, herbs, special diets, magnesium
powder that you all were just hoping we’re going to be the
answer.
And I’m sorry that they weren’t. But that’s why I’m
talking about this because it’s somewhat irrelevant in recovery.
But please, please be healthy. Please take as good care of your
body as you can. Okay, so question number nine,
and then we’re going to do this one. And then one more, we’ll
wrap it up.
Why don’t I know I’m sorry. Question number nine is
why we need a recovery plan. So, if you read my book, The
Anxious Truth, which is my recovery guide, you’ll talk
about having a plan all the time. Like why do we need to
plan? So I know this is confusing for
a lot of people, especially since we’ll talk about this in a
question next week and episode 217. Like, but I don’t have
panic attacks. I don’t know what my exposures are. So, what would
my plan be? I understand that’s confusing, but why do I say that
we should have a recovery plan? Look, you cannot plan every
second of your recovery.
So some people hear the plan and they think
that they can literally plan every hour of every day
specifically to optimize the recovery. No, you can’t this is
you can’t become a robot. But the reason why I say we need a
plan is that if we do not have a plan to follow, that informs the
actions that we will take, we will too easily fall into only
acting based on how we feel. We’ll only challenge ourselves
on the good days when we’re feeling better. That’s bad that
we don’t learn anything. When we’re feeling better. We will
make our decisions based on our emotions, our symptoms, and our
thoughts, We make a plan so that we can put some objectivity, and
to that, I woke up this morning, and I’m anxious as hell.
But my
plan says that I go and do my exposures in the morning. So I
will go do that. So a plan injects some much-needed two
things, much-needed objectivity into the process? Because odds
are if you’re still kind of lost right now and don’t know what to
do. You’re making all of your decisions based on subjective
judgments. How do I feel? What does this mean? What do I think
about this? What might be wrong? Oh, my God, what could this be?
That’s all subjective. We need objectivity. And a plan gives us
objectivity. When we are in an anxious state, and we are
frantic, and beside ourselves, we are terrible decision-makers.
So a plan gets us out of the business of making decisions on
the fly. Right? So American football teams, and I’ve talked
about this all the time, create playbooks.
They know who they’re
playing on Sunday, they get ready and they know what the
first 15 plays are that they’re going to run that’s just
scripted, done. They have playbooks to tell us in this
situation, we run this play in this situation, we’re on this
plate. Yeah, there’s some creativity there, of course, but
they don’t wait to make it up on the fly in the heat of a game.
And this is the same reason why I talked about having a recovery
plan. It’s so to me, it’s very important because otherwise you
will be governed by your fear, your irrational fear
distortions. magnifications, how you feel your symptoms, that
stuff will just drag you around. And then you wind up in
that situation where it’s like, I’m doing my exposures. Oh,
well, when was the last time you did a driving exposure? Well, I
was I being out on Friday and today’s Wednesday, like, but
that’s not exposure that’s interrupted avoidance.
There’s a
difference and not to get into the details. But having a plan
helps us stay clear of that trap. Right. So that’s why I say
we need a recovery plan for objectivity and to get ourselves
out of the decision-making game minute by minute when we’re
suffering and when we’re not feeling good. Make the decisions
ahead of time and then execute those decisions, no matter how
you feel. A plan does that for us. So, question number 10, which
will be the last one for this week. This is always one of my
favorite ones. You guys have heard me say this before. This
question any tips for dot fill in your symptom? Fill
in your scary thing. Any tips for nausea, any tips for
dizziness any tips or depersonalization? Any Tips for emetophobia any tips
for You know, I can probably go for another 15 minutes a name
all the specific things, Do any tips for that breathing
or feeling? Any tips for that My nose getting tingly. Any tips
for feeling like, you know having a panic attack at night?
Like, no, no, I don’t have any tips for those things.
I never
have tips for those things. The reason why I don’t have tips for
those things is that they’re all the same fear.
Right? So, anybody who has ever gone down the road of trying to
address each individual fear, like today, I’m afraid of my
heart. This is a big one. Any tips for cardio phobia? How
do I overcome a fear in my heart? And at the very same
time, there are three people asking me how they overcome
heart fear.
There are four other people telling me that
depersonalization is the worst possible thing, and how do they
overcome that? And then there are three other people behind them
that are talking about that short of breath, air hunger
feeling, and that’s the worst for them. And they want to know
how to overcome that. But the answer is the same all the time.
In the Claire weeks world, and that’s really what launched this
whole thing for me. Dr. Weeks talked about accepting and
floating, letting time pass. It’s the answer for all of them.
Even though I know that the thing that you want special tips
for right now feels much scarier than the other things. And
because it scares you more, you think it’s worthy of a special
approach to try to specifically address that fear.
But
Especially if you’re new at this game, look around at the people
who are further down the road from you. And almost without
question, they will tell you that when I get over one fear
another one often takes its place. So this is why I did a
podcast episode about following the principles of recovery and
not just instructions. I’ll link that one in the show notes.
Anxious trip.com/ 216 for the show notes of this episode. I talked about that. Then learn
the principles and apply the principles of allowing accepting
floating, willful tolerance surrendering all of navigation.
Right, he did a video with Lauren Rosen not too long ago,
We talked about the thing, the tools that we use in recovery
are not tools of eradication, they’re tools of navigation. So
I know in my own personal journey, as soon as I learned to
navigate air hunger, I was able to use those navigation skills.
When I would have PVCs and skipped heartbeats, I was able
to use those navigation skills when I experienced the
realization or dissociative state.
So I just forklifted the
same navigation skills across multiple fears. And then it all
became so obvious. And anybody who’s down the road and closer
to recovery will tell you like Yeah, I thought they were all
special. And it turns out they weren’t. So that’s why the
answer to any tips for and then you insert your scary thing
there is always the answer is always the same. And I say it
again, and again. And again. I know I start to sound, you know,
dismissive or flippant. And if you’re in my Facebook group,
you’ve seen me post this at least once a month.
Special
Reminder, no symptom is special. None. No symptoms are special. I
know you think that your symptom is but it is not. It is not.
Because, like I said if your particular thing is that you’re
afraid of your heart and you want to throw down like no, this
is the scariest one. I’ll bring somebody in the room here that’s
terrified of their own breath, and they will fight you like
They will throw hands at you because they will insist that
Theirs is worse.
And the people who have air hunger will insist
that theirs is worse and the people that are DPD our people,
They will insist that there’s more than there’ll be a big
Brawl because everybody is 100% convinced no but this one is
this special? How could you not have a tip for this? I can’t tell you the number of
times that I’ve had somebody say I would pay to have a rapid
heartbeat.
Like I’m so afraid of my breathing that I would pay to
be afraid of my heart. I have had people say that. I wish I
was dizzy. I wish I was dizzy. I’m so afraid of my heart. I
wish I was dizzy. That must be a walk in the park. That’s easy.
See what happens. So that’s why the answer to any tips is
it’s all the same tip you’re going to have to work through
navigating through the thing that you are afraid of. To learn
that I don’t have to be afraid of it it’s super disturbing and
uncomfortable and all of those things but not worthy of an
emergency response. And when you learn it for one fear you
forklift those skills to other fears and it becomes portable
across multiple fears. And then when I say all your fears are
one fear becomes painfully apparent, like holy cow, he was
right.
So if I can get through the air hunger I can get through
the dizzy, I can get through the tingly toes. I can get through
this and get like all of the things I don’t Okay, they’re
nothing new. It’s just like Oh, thanks anxiety gets through
another one than me? No problem. I know what to do with this
without needing specific instructions for oh, I need
special breathing instructions. Now I need special pdf
instructions. Now I need special nausea instructions. You don’t
need principles, learn the principles, apply them across
multiple symptoms and fears and you’re good to go. So no, I
don’t have any tips for and that is part one of our frequently
asked questions. We did 10 questions today and we will do 10
More questions next week and Pod gets episode 217.
So, come back
For that, bookmark it. If you’re on YouTube, and you’re listening
to YouTube and on YouTube, favorite the video, like
When you want to ask these questions again, come back here,
Like, listen to these again. And that’s it. So, I’ll be back again
next week, you know, the episode was over, because music that’s afterglow, the
beginning end, beginning, and end of every podcast episode, song
is written by my friend, Ben Drake.
It is sort of inspired by
this podcast and as a special song for both Ben and me. And I
appreciate that he lets me use it, you can find Ben and his
music at Kendrick music.com. So go check him out. And if you are
listening to this podcast on Spotify, Apple podcast, or
any platform that lets you rate and review, leave a five-star
rating or whatever the top one is, and then take two seconds
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comment.
I dig all that. And I think that’s it. That’s part one
of our frequently asked questions. I hope it’s been
helpful. I will be back next week. I do know what I’m going
to be talking about. We’ll do another 10 questions to wrap
this up. I will see you next time. Thank you for your
attention and I will leave you as I always do with a reminder
that this is the way Unknown: you got the feeling
that you got Yeah, you’re doing fine.
Now in the city, you know looking back dwelling on
the past, you know, you’ll never get another chance. See, go and
live your life.
Number five, make something. Art therapy can be a way
for you to illustrate what you’re feeling without needing to find the words for it. And number six, therapy. With the right guidance and support, you can slowly overcome
your social anxiety…