Living With High Functioning Anxiety | Jordan Raskopoulos | TEDxSydney

As a comedian and performer, Jordan Raskopolous does not suffer from stage fright, but away from the lights, it’s a different story. In this compelling and funny talk, she shares her insights into what it is like to live with high-functioning anxiety and how people like her can be perceived – to be both shy and loud at the same time. A talk many will relate to and one that offers strategies for dealing with it.Jordan Raskopoulos is a comedian, musician, and digital content creator. She is best known as the lead singer of The Axis of Awesome, a world-renowned musical comedy group and YouTube Juggernaut. She is the creative director of Press Start Productions. Press Start is currently producing Insert Coin, an ongoing web series about video games. Jordan is also the host of This is About, a narrative non-fiction podcast on ABC RN. In 2016 she came out as transgender in a viral video called ‘What’s Happened to Jordan’s Beard’. Since then Jordan has become an inspiration to young LGBTQIA+ people by living her genuine life, openly and publicly, and using her platform and profile to promote awareness and understanding to a broad audience through humor.This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at https://www.ted.com/tedx

So, You’re Having an Anxiety Attack (The Calm-Down Method for Stopping Anxiety Attacks)

0:00 Introduction 0:28 How to stop an anxiety attackCheck out my free course, Grounding Skills for Anxiety, Stress, and PTSD, here: https://courses.therapyinanutshell.com/grounding-skills-for-anxiety-stress-and-ptsd/?utm_medium=YTDescription&utm_source=YouTubeLooking for affordable online therapy? My sponsor, BetterHelp, connects you to a licensed professional from the comfort of your own home. Try it now for 10% off your first month: https://betterhelp.com/therapyinanutshellLearn more in one of my in-depth mental health courses: https://courses.therapyinanutshell.com/?utm_medium=YTDescription&utm_source=YouTube Support my mission on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/therapyinanutshell Sign up for my newsletter: https://courses.therapyinanutshell.com/free-resources Check out my favorite self-help books: https://kit.co/TherapyinaNutshell/best-self-help-books Check out my podcast, Therapy in a Nutshell: https://tinpodcast.podbean.com/Therapy in a Nutshell and the information provided by Emma McAdam are solely intended for informational and entertainment purposes and are not a substitute for advice, diagnosis, or treatment regarding medical or mental health conditions. Although Emma McAdam is a licensed marriage and family therapist, the views expressed on this site or any related content should not be taken for medical or psychiatric advice. Always consult your physician before making any decisions related to your physical or mental health. In therapy I use a combination of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Systems Theory, positive psychology, and a bio-psycho-social approach to treating mental illness and other challenges we all face in life. The ideas from my videos are frequently adapted from multiple sources. Many of them come from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, especially the work of Steven Hayes, Jason Luoma, and Russ Harris. The sections on stress and the mind-body connection derive from the work of Stephen Porges (the Polyvagal theory), Peter Levine (Somatic Experiencing) Francine Shapiro (EMDR), and Bessel Van Der Kolk. I also rely heavily on the work of the Arbinger Institute for my overall understanding of our ability to choose our life’s direction. And deeper than all of that, the Gospel of Jesus Christ orients my personal worldview and sense of security, peace, hope, and love https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/comeuntochrist/believeIf you are in crisis, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ or 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or your local emergency services. Copyright Therapy in a Nutshell, LLC
 
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9 Uncomfortable Signs You’re Healing Emotionally

 Narrator, Hey Psych2Goers, welcome back to another video Healing is not easy. There’s a lot of stigma regarding going to therapy and doing any independent inner self-work. It’s still seen as something that either weak or crazy people do, and that’s – just not true, It might not be 100 easy, but healing is a journey that leads to deep fulfillment that nothing outside of you could shake or take away. This process is very humbling, but with high risk comes high reward. During this journey, you will start to feel the growing pains of change and self-integration Keep moving forward. This discomfort is helping you move into a beautiful life in which you have a deeper sense of inner peace. Here are nine uncomfortable signs that you are healing Number one. You allow yourself to feel your emotions When you’re still stuck in survival mode. You are mostly focused on logic and what you see because emotions are painful for you to feel and process It’s hard for you to take the time and make room for your emotions to just be acknowledged and validated because it reminds you of the hurt that You would’ve liked to keep buried When you heal. You start acknowledging your negative and positive emotions because you realize that extreme focus on one is detrimental to your whole being and that you are a whole person. It’s uncomfortable at first, but as you are no longer suppressing or denying them, you see the value of your emotions and feelings and of just letting yourself sit with them and allowing them to pass Number Two. You’re getting better at expressing and maintaining boundaries When you’re not healed or in the process, you struggle with stating and enforcing boundaries because you’re afraid of rejection, feelings of shame and guilt from putting your interest first or saying what’s on your mind, It’s unusual to set firm boundaries when you’re not used to it, but once you start, it creates more healthy interpersonal dynamics, because you stated your opinions and emotions. You have the mental and emotional clarity and you are more capable of making your decisions Number three. You accept that you’ve, been through difficult experiences. Life is hard and unfair, and instead of suppressing all of the experiences that you have been through, you acknowledge and accept that they happened. You accept that these people’s place and things had a life-changing impact on you and probably still do Once. You have accepted that these uncomfortable events impacted you in their entirety. They start to hurt you less because you’ve accepted the truth and are in charge of the narrative of your life again Number four, you’re, less reactive and more responsive. When you’re in survival mode, Everything and everyone is a threat and is treated as such. Nothing is trusted and you, don’t have time to sit and logically think things through, because you are pure action needing to defend yourself constantly. Once you start healing your natural response of lashing out shutting down, running away, or people-pleasing is tested and slowly makes way for questioning your feelings and reactions. Regarding things, You even find yourself asking. Why do I think this way? Where does this thinking come from? You start practicing emotional self-regulation, self-analysis, and responsibility. Number five you realize that healing is not linear Healing is uncomfortable because you are unearthing and confronting things you would’ve preferred to keep suppressed. Once you get into the rhythm, you realize that part of that healing is that this distress is okay and normal, because it’s not a straight road to inner peace and healing You understand and has experienced the highs and lows of healing and know that the feeling of today will not match the feelings of tomorrow or even later, on Number six. You begin to step out of your comfort zone Here,’s the thing about healing It:’s, not something everyone will do. However, if you decide to it has far-reaching benefits beyond the acceptance and acknowledgment of the traumatic experience Once you are in the healing process, you are developing bravery around your emotions and your mind With this newfound conscious control. You are no longer scared by things that scared you before Scared of making a living situation change. You now are redecorating your bedroom and experimenting with paint colors. You never thought you would Go to a party you don’t know Before you would’ve recoiled at the thought, but now it’s a little less anxiety-inducing and you have a bit more confidence Number seven. You easily accept disappointments and take them in stride. Life is a balance of success and failure, light and dark ups and downs. When you’re not healing disappointments hit, you like a freight truck to the chest, knocking all of the motivation and passion out of you With healing you understand that bad days do happen and can’t be avoided, but are also temporary Any disappointments or unmet Expectations are accepted and taken in stride. You respond in better healthier ways that are less reactive Number. Eight you have more inner peace Healing brings about self-integration. If you’re a Harry Potter, fan it’s as if Voldemort brought back all of his Horcruxes and decided on becoming a better complete person who accepts the natural way of life on a soul level. And if you’re, not a fan. It’s like taking inventory of all of your experiences painful or not, and seeing yourself as the whole person You develop this inner peace because you deeply forgive yourself and you can readily forgive others too. By having this peace and integration, you are less likely to self-sabotage because you’re no longer a warring country within yourself with conflicting desires and emotions. You reconcile your inner differences. You no longer criticize and dismantle your character in your mind And number nine. You welcome help and support The independent survivor. Has a don’t ask for help mentality, maybe because they never got it when they needed it or because of the harsh rejection when they spoke up, They shut down to get by and decided to do it by themselves because they had no choice With healing You start to realize that as strong as you are, you can’t carry and do everything by yourself. You do need help and we all do and it’s available out there for you. You are more open to support and less afraid of having this need for assistance met. The pride and shame you might feel for asking for help are gone, because you know that it’s, okay, to let go of the heavy burden on your shoulders and have someone to lean on. Did you relate to any of these points? Do you feel that you are beginning to heal As rewarding as the first step of healing? You will run into the discomfort of your healing and this will try to make you stop to lessen or ignore the pain, but whatever you resist you prolong. If you are in the healing process, well done, I’m proud of you for doing this work and I hope you can find peace through it And if you’re not that’s, okay, because healing is a long process that takes time you’re still living and doing what you can Applaud yourselves. Did you find this video valuable, Tell us in the comments below Please like and share it with friends that might find use in this video too, and make sure to subscribe to Psych2Go and hit the notification bell for more content. All the references used are added in the description box below. Thank you for watching and see you next time…As found on YouTubeSeanCooper🗯 The Shyness & Social Guy ⇝ The 3 WORST Mistakes You Must AVOID If You Want To Overcome Shyness (PLUS: 1 weird trick that targets the root biological cause of shyness so you can stop being nervous, awkward, and quiet around people…) By Sean Cooper, The Shyness & Social Anxiety Guy. The fact that you’re reading this article tells me you may have already reached a point where you feel your shyness is NOT going away on its own… or you fear it’s getting worse and worse. And I don’t want you to waste one more day living a life where you feel left out, bored, or depressed because you don’t have the relationships which would make you happy. That’s why I’ve put together this page to help you avoid the worst mistakes that keep many people stuck with shyness for years… http://flywait.darekw.hop.clickbank.net/ often giving up hope of ever improving as you watch other people have interesting “normal” lives without you. Yet this doesn’t have to happen.Goofy-in-a-daydream

12 Things High Functioning Anxiety Makes you Do

 Do you think you might have anxiety or know someone who does if not What’s the first image you have and you imagine someone with diagnosed anxiety? The popular comical image may have popped into your head with the frazzled jittery expression unkempt hair and profuse sweating the truth is some people go on to be successful and accomplish great things despite their battle against this mental illness This is known as high functioning anxiety isn’t a diagnosable condition And so it can be difficult to identify because those who have it don’t appear anxious However, the calm appearance doesn’t make it any less real serious or painful for those who have it Wondering now if you might fit in with this category Here are 12 things. You may not realize you’re doing this because of your high functioning anxiety 1 you turn down things you want to go to You eagerly await events and get-togethers with friends, but when the day finally comes you often decide not to go at the very last minute sound familiar Even though you were looking forward to it for so long You’ve talked yourself out of attending because the thought of going out leaves you wracked with worry and dread – you dislike having to meet new people When someone says to you, there’ll be so many new people you can network with. How do you feel? Mingling and social functions just aren’t your thing not due to shyness or introversion. You just don’t want to meet new people Sticking to your close-knit group of friends is comfortable and happy for you Introducing yourself or being introduced to someone else makes you feel self-conscious and worried about making a good first impression This worry is so intense that it sucks any enjoyment or intrigue out of meeting Someone new 3 you’re uncomfortable with slow responses The moment you send someone a text or leave them a voice message Do you start counting the seconds waiting for a response and the longer you wait? The more you feel anxious you overthink about why they haven’t replied yet and somehow take it to mean that you did something wrong Take a breath they probably like you just fine and their phone might be on mute For you get very little sleep We hear eight hours of sleep is required Can you remember the last time you got eight hours of sleep? We mean all at once not spread out over a few days You may be able to look at anxiety as the reason it may wake you up early and keep you from having a deep and relaxed sleep and also keep you up at night with thoughts racing through your mind Being shortchanged on both ends is why sleep deprivation is such a common complaint amongst those of us who suffer from high functioning anxiety Five you fixate on the tiniest details Is there any little thing you think about what’s keeping you up at night and depriving you of sleep Like how you said you to to the waiter when they told you to enjoy your meal? Or maybe why that person replied to your long text simply, okay? Logically, you realize this isn’t going to hugely impact your life. The waiter won’t remember you and that other person was probably just busy Still you examine it this fixation is a common feature for people with high-functioning Anxiety you tend to obsess over trivial things Especially social interactions you analyze everything and spend hours and hours wondering what it could all mean and why? Six you get hung up on old conversations Speaking of social interactions. Do you find yourself playing back old social scenarios in your head thinking about different actions? You could have taken or Not Taken Things like maybe I shouldn’t have texted him or maybe I should have given that witty reply High-functioning anxiety makes you overthink every single social interaction You’ve ever had big or small and it’s not unusual for people who struggle with it to get hung up on the past regardless of how long ago it was 7 your unforgiving to yourself Do you feel upset at yourself when you make a mistake? Mulling over it and scolding yourself for months even years Well high functioning anxiety can often resemble perfectionism With one of its most problematic characteristics being that it turns us against ourselves whenever we mess up Your anxiety makes that mistake bigger in your point of view than it was in reality. So getting over it feels difficult Eight you constantly compare yourself to others It’s normal to occasionally compare yourself to others but those with high-functioning anxiety. Take it to an extreme Are you overly concerned with how you measure up against your peers? Do you constantly worry that you’re not fulfilling your full potential? No matter how much you accomplish. Do you never feel like it’s enough? If so, you might be struggling with high-functioning anxiety 9 You’re a constant people pleaser Do you work hard to make others feel happy, even if it comes at the cost of your well-being Do you feel like you’ll never be good enough until you attain it? Everyone’s approval If you have high-functioning anxiety you may have convinced yourself that the only way others will ever accept you is if you go above and beyond what everyone expects of You all the time. 10 You need to keep yourself busy all the time Now we’re not talking about creating great Renaissance artworks or intricate business plans We just mean busy not necessarily productive If you’re not busy you feel Restless and tense. So you try to occupy yourself with just about anything during your nails. Yes Alphabetizing your games. Okay, cleaning your perfectly working computer fan with a toothbrush It’s sure the truth is you don’t mind doing anything as long as it helps distract yourself from your thoughts and worries 11 You get very anxious whenever you think about the future What does the future mean to you for many in the future is the light of possibility something to eagerly look forward to? then for some, it can feel like Scrooge and that last spirit of Christmas who looked like the Grim Reaper if You’re not feeling hope but terror and dread for what’s to come This could be a sign of high-functioning anxiety can paralyze you with fear about the unknown and what’s not in your control it can keep you from truly living your life to the fullest because you always expect the worst to happen and 12 you always focus on the worst-case scenario Do you like to prep my prep? We mean do you say to yourself? Okay, so this is the worst possible outcome I’ll be ready for it. If I’m ready for it. I can handle anything else. Do you then continue to expect the worst-case scenario? They might be high-functioning anxiety laying the plans This might lead people to misjudge you as a pessimist because ultimately you may try to share with them your preparations Where you see anticipating and being proactive they see a downer Unfortunately being so prepared often doesn’t allow you to just enjoy the moment Do you relate to any of the things listed here living with high-functioning anxiety is never easy? But most people may not see the emotional toll it can have on a person if you’re starting to feel overwhelmed with your anxiety There are many professional certified resources to reach out to Please like share and subscribe to the site to go for more psychology content.OIP-73We hope to see you in the next video and as always Thanks so much for watching.As found on YouTubeSeanCooper🗯 The Shyness & Social Guy ⇝ The 3 WORST Mistakes You Must AVOID If You Want To Overcome Shyness (PLUS: 1 weird trick that targets the root biological cause of shyness so you can stop being nervous, awkward, and quiet around people…) By Sean Cooper, The Shyness & Social Anxiety Guy. The fact that you’re reading this article tells me you may have already reached a point where you feel your shyness is NOT going away on its own… or you fear it’s getting worse and worse. And I don’t want you to waste one more day living a life where you feel left out, bored, or depressed because you don’t have the relationships which would make you happy. That’s why I’ve put together this page to help you avoid the worst mistakes that keep many people stuck with shyness for years… http://flywait.darekw.hop.clickbank.net/ often giving up hope of ever improving as you watch other people have interesting “normal” lives without you. Yet this doesn’t have to happen.

Abandonment Anxiety – Video doctor Snipes

 This episode was pre-recorded as part of a live continuing   education webinar on-demand CEUs are still available for this presentation   through all CEUs registered at all CEUs comm slash counselor toolbox I’d like to welcome everybody today to the presentation love me doesn’t leave me addressing   fears of abandonment the purpose of this presentation is really to help us help clients   increase their awareness of their story including beliefs about behavioral reactions to situations   that trigger their fear of abandonment so how do we do that well the first thing we need to   figure out is what fear of abandonment is and how can we identify it in a clinical set setting then   we’re going to explore the concept of schemas or core beliefs and these are things that are formed   in early childhood you know if you remember prior classes we’ve talked about early childhood   cognition is generally very dichotomous in children Young children can’t look at   that gray area so these schemas if they’ve gone unchecked can lead to some very extreme belief   patterns which lead us into common traps in thinking reacting and relationships if your   schemas are based on all-or-nothing you either love me or you’re going to leave me hence the   name of the book then your reactions are going to tend to be more extreme and more all-or-nothing   which increases anxiety because then anytime a person who perceives any amount of disapproval is going to go to that extreme so we want to talk about bringing it more toward the   middle line and helping people learn to appreciate and love themselves for themselves while they may   not approve of the behaviors of other people they can still love other people so just because somebody   doesn’t approve of your behavior doesn’t mean necessarily that they’re going to abandon you so   we’re going to talk about that and then we’ll learn skills necessary to help people accept   their past as part of their story maybe they do have a lot of abandonment issues and you know   some people do and it is painful it cuts to the core especially when those abandonment   issues occur in early childhood when kids going what that does so we’re going to talk about that   and help people learn how to integrate it into their present and we’ll learn the skills necessary   to acknowledge that their past does not have to continue to negatively impact them in the present   so if they were abandoned when they were a child you know we need to deal with that however if they   continue to expect that every significant person in their life will abandon them notice I use the   word every because we’re still in those extremes then they’re going to think that the past is negatively   impacting them in the present so we’ll talk about how to sort of moderate those belief systems how   does this impact recovery whether you’re talking about addiction or mental health issues connection   is a basic human need we are not meant for the most part to be Hermits in the middle of the   woods there are introverts and in my husband’s an introvert he has a couple of excellent friends   he needs quiet time each day he doesn’t need to be surrounded by people and he’s fine but I mean   we’ve got human connection he’s not going to be one that’s just going to you know move out to the   middle of nowhere I’m an extrovert on the other hand and I tend to have a lot of acquaintances   and a lot of friends I draw energy from being around other people so just because   someone doesn’t have 150 acquaintances doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t need connections so   we want to recognize that connection is a basic human need when infants are born they are put   on their mother’s chest when we embrace each other whether it’s mother and child or friends   or whatever a chemical called oxytocin is released and it’s our bonding chemical we are programmed we   are hardwired for connection and oxytocin is a very rewarding chemical so we want to recognize   this that if people are so afraid of abandonment that they push everybody away what are they losing   as far as quality of life as infants and children survival is dependent upon the relationship with   the primary caregiver so if mom or dad wasn’t happy if mom or dad was rejecting the young   child was pretty much helpless to think about a child who’s growing up in a family that’s just riddled   with addiction and mental health issues and the primary caregiver or caregivers are completely   emotionally unavailable they may be physically there but they may be so high or so depressed or   so psychotic that they cannot attend to the child’s needs what does that communicate to   the child the child feels abandoned the child feels a sense of neglect for people’s beliefs about   other people and relationships were formed largely based on their interactions with their caregivers   so if this child was going Mom I’m hungry and nothing happened or worse yet child was going Mom I’m terrified and nothing happened or they were just given a pacifier and told to shut up   then that is they were told they were communicated to that, their beliefs their feelings their wants, and their needs were not important so they were being rejected healthy relationships serve up as   a buffer against stress so even if they had all these negative experiences in early childhood teenage years you know maybe up until they walked into your office it doesn’t mean it   has to continue and how much can they gain from having healthy relationships with a lot of clients   that I work with who have pretty significant abandonment issues can’t even fathom trusting   someone enough to be in a healthy relationship so we’re going to talk about how to sort of ease into   that because you’re not going to say don’t let your past influence your future and we’ll wave   a magic wand and they’re ready to trust people even once you point out that what happened in   the past was largely not their fault or maybe not even if their fault at they they’re still going   to have difficulty not accepting responsibility and going everybody leaves me so what talk about   that addressing beliefs that formed as a result of these relationships the past dysfunctional   relationships we can help people create a new understanding of events was mom or dad or   caregiver being rejecting were you being abandoned emotionally and physically because of   you or because mom or dad just was able to do what they needed to do to be a caregiver then they were doing the best they could with the tools they had but it wasn’t enough to meet   your needs so we want to talk about alternate explanations for why parents and caregivers may have   behaved in that way if you have a young child well an adult now but who was put up for adoption or   abandoned by their caregivers at a young age the a young child was probably very confused because   one moment their caregiver was there in the next moment they were in the system so they were   trying to figure out what did they do wrong and why doesn’t that person love me anymore it must be   me because children really can’t see well you know mom is not able to function as a parent   right now or dad is having difficulty coping we want to help people better understand themselves   in their reactions so that when they start getting this urge to just cut all ties and be like you   know what fine you know I’ll take my ball and go home no problem what does that mean at there’s a   certain point in all relationships in all healthy relationships that you know sometimes people have   to distance themselves from one another because it’s becoming dysfunctional but for the most part, people will in relationships encounter hiccups will encounter disagreements but in   healthy relationships, they can work through them in relationships with people who fear   abandonment there are going to be two extremes there’s going to be complete compliance and   please don’t leave me or complete disengagement and whatever I don’t care the final thing we want   to do is help make people more conscious of what they’re doing so they can make healthy   decisions in their current relationships so when they get that urge to either comply or disengage   is that a healthy normative reaction right now or are you reacting out of your past experiences the abandonment experience in childhood survival depends on caregivers a four-year-old left alone   for five days is not going to do so well you know they may be able to scavenge food but   once the food runs out where do they get it you know there’s only so much that a child   can do an infant can’t even get food so survival depends on their caregivers and if   their caregivers fail to meet those needs there are high levels of anxiety and I will refer regularly   to emotionally unavailable caregivers and emotionally absent in addition to physically   unavailable or absent because some parents and I worked in the field of co-occurring disorders for   over two decades and some parents just they are so overwhelmed and so paralyzed by life itself they   can’t even attend to anything else that’s going on they’re doing good just to be breathing but   if they have a child and that child’s needs are getting neglected and fear of abandonment is a natural   survival response when your food source goes away what happens you start to freak the freak out so   this is normal we look at this and say that that’s that’s natural if a child thinks about the first   time you take a child to kindergarten or pre-k or daycare or whatever it is and you drop the   child off even if they’re securely attached what do they cry because they’re afraid that   mom or dad won’t come back and they’re afraid of this new situation that’s changed securely attached   children will you know to adjust and then be happy to see mom or dad when they come back but the point   is there’s that initial oh crap reaction meeting biological needs and safety are key triggers for   anxiety at any age so we’re talking about housing we’re talking about safety we’re thinking about   Maslow’s hierarchy if somebody is not meeting the child’s needs or if the person is not getting   their needs met then they may have high levels of anxiety and I add to the safety concept not   only physical safety but also emotional safety people need to feel safe in their heads and   they need to be free from emotional abuse when focused on survival people can’t focus elsewhere   so if they’re not getting their physical needs met guess what you know if you take somebody who   is in pain who is sick who is hungry and who is homeless are they going to work on self-esteem   are they going to work on relationship skills no, they’re focused on survival they need to have   those basic needs met they need to have a certain sense of security if they are in a situation that   is dangerous physically obviously they’re not going to be focusing on how I can better myself   when they’re worried about somebody coming in and hurting them physically likewise, it’s hard to   focus on how can I better myself when everywhere they turn they perceive someone telling us you’re   not okay you’re stupid you’re lazy you’re bad you were the worst decision I ever made in my   life they can’t focus on personal growth when all they’re getting is these verbal beatdowns all the time so people need to have acceptance if they don’t have acceptance kind the opposite of   acceptance is abandonment two kinds of extremes again we’ll bring it back to the middle every   stressful situation becomes a crisis the in securely attached child now you can go back to   and read Bowlby’s work on secure and all that kind of stuff great reading but for the short version   of this presentation remember that certs securely attached children feel anxiety when their parents   leave but then they can adjust and they’re happy to see the parents return in securely attached   children feel a great amount of anxiety when their parents leave and are terrified that mom or   dad won’t come back and then when mom or dad does come back it’s your very very clingy or very very   rejecting so with this child that’s in securely attached it’s just like one to a hundred as soon   as something happens that they think they may be abandoned you see this pattern again in adults who   are still struggling with these abandonment issues that schema that they’ve formed and I’m getting a   little ahead of myself that schema that they form says if you let this person at your site or if   this person disagrees with you or if this person criticizes you they’re rejecting you and they’re   going to abandon you so we want to you know check in with those cognitions and look for trying to   make those thoughts a little bit more helpful in infancy or early childhood if caregivers were away   for long periods because of work because of the military if they were in jail if they just   chose to be away or if they passed away children may experience some abandonment issues now if   the parents are away because a parent is a way because of work or military or even jail and the   other parent can help the child work through it there’s much less drama if you will there’s much   less issue with abandonment issues in totality now if it’s whatever parent it is if the pay   if the father happened to be the one went away that person may have some residual issues with   adult figures in their life that they need to deal with but they may not know I’m not saying that   every child of a soldier or a service person is going to have abandonment issues that are so   not true however if the experiences of the time apart was not handled in a way where the child   felt secure then it could have consequences that are going into the present day if in early childhood   caregivers were consistently or unpredictably physically or emotionally present so think about   a parent who has major recurrent major depressive disorder addiction or is just ill-equipped to deal   with a child when I was working at the treatment center in Florida I had 14 15 16 year old young   women coming in and having babies and you know what does a 14-year-old know about giving birth   and raising a child it’s not that they weren’t necessarily trying you know they didn’t have great   role models raising them in most cases and so they don’t have anything to work with they don’t know   how to be a parent they’ve never been taught so it’s not always I don’t want to pathologize or   make the parents look like bad people because I believe that people do the best they can with   the tools they have at any given time parents don’t choose to be sucky parents sometimes it   happens but I don’t believe they choose to anyhow off my soapbox in later childhood as the   child becomes elementary school middle school age if they’re a poor family fit or they feel   like they’re the black sheep they just don’t have the same beliefs that the other people do   they don’t seem to have the same interest that their family does they may not feel accepted   especially if the family’s going no that’s wrong to believe and invalidate them so going back to   that psychological safety if they’re constantly being told their ideas are stupid they’re wrong   they have the wrong point of view and they can feel very isolated something can happen that   ruptures the relationship with the primary care giver whether it’s abuse or you know some other trauma and introduction of a new less emotionally or physically safe caregiver can also   lead to abandonment if the child feels like the biological caregiver chose a new spouse over him   or her say if you see where I’m going with that because if this new person comes in and is less   safe is abusive in some way emotionally physically sexually it doesn’t matter the child is going to   feel like they didn’t have a voice the child is going to feel like the biological caregiver   didn’t care and brought this other person in any way which leads to feelings of rejection   and abandonment so what are the reactions fight-or-flight whenever there’s a threat we   fall back to fight or flight or freeze but we’ll talk about that when there’s a threat our anxiety   goes up and we say in the past in these kinds of situations, if I fought, did I succeed if so then   we’ve got fights in the past did I succeed, and if the answer’s no then the response is to flee pretty simply so anger towards someone unavailable if they got angry and felt like it got them   some sort of acceptance from somewhere that might be the prevailing reaction sadness when someone   goes away a sense of helplessness this person just left me shame or self-anger about feeling   needy or about pushing someone away with fears related to rejection and isolation, nobody will ever love my loss of control or the unknown everybody always leaves see how I’m using these extreme   words again and fear of failure I can’t maintain a relationship nobody wants to be with me because   I’m not good enough so the questions for clients in these situations what caused these fears as a   child so when someone starts to have these fears about a relationship, if the relationship starts   to get rocking first question is what is it that you’re afraid of in this situation if you stay   together what is it that you’re afraid of if this the person leaves what is it you’re afraid of and how   likely is it that this person is going to leave based on whatever is going on right now so let’s   get some objective evidence here and another the tool you can use is the challenging questions   worksheet in cognitive processing therapy if you google it challenging questions worksheet   CPT or cognitive processing therapy helps people walk through the logic in some of their   cognitions and identify some known as unhelpful distortions so then after you figure out kind of   what the fear is then we say what caused that as a child in the past when you felt like this what   caused that and how was this reasonable or helpful you know in the past when you felt like this and   you reacted in anger what was the outcome and how was it helpful in some sort of way you know   did it get somebody to pay attention to you did it gets somebody to come to comfort you, okay so you   were identifying the function of the current behaviors and then we want to say what causes   these fears now a lot of times it’s the same symp or similar stuff but we could say how are these   reactions now unhelpful because as independent you know adult-type people we can fend for ourselves   we can put food on the table we can go to work we can do we can function independently whereas this   is a child we couldn’t you know there were just some barriers to that does that mean again that   we should live in isolation and say well I don’t need anybody no that’s not what I’m   saying what I’m saying is is these fears that are overwhelming about abandonment that causes   people to push others away or cling on like you know whatever clings on uh are these reactions   helpful in the present day you know do you still need to hold on to people like there’s no tomorrow temperament based on their temperament children need different types and amounts of caregiver   interaction um some children are wide open and easily overstimulated you know my son was that   way when he was born well to this very day um when he’s awake he is like the Energizer Bunny   on methamphetamine I’m he’s just going going going and talking and talking to himself and   he needed a lot of structure and he would get overstimulated easily but we were able to help   him figure out how to handle that instead of getting mad at him for what seemed to be acting   out we were able to help him channel and figure out when he needed to take a break the introvert   may not need as much one-on-one attention with the caregiver may need a comforting word   here and there but they may not need the amount of the attention that an extrovert may need an extrovert   tends to need more interaction with parents with family with other people because they draw energy   and they think while they talk and they think while they talk with other people so they feel   a lot more isolated if they are isolated so we want to understand the person’s temperament and   how they may or may not have gotten their needs met how they may have been told they were wrong   and invalidated when they were younger and you can hear some of this is kind of going towards   Linda hands DBT environment um but what we want to look at what you need now how can we create   an environment that’s accepting and welcoming to you now based on their needs and caregivers’ reactions children form schemas or core beliefs about the world and others so if they state their   opinion and it’s squashed or it’s ridiculed then they’re going to form this core belief that it   is not safe ever to share my opinions because I am always wrong now we’re talking about children here   but a lot of times think back for yourself there I think most of us have at least some all-or-nothing   dichotomous thoughts that come in every once in a while and you know we can catch them but if   these dichotomies go unaddressed the person starts feeling very lost and very abandoned because it’s all-or-nothing important points about children under 7 from 8 to 12 children are developing   alternative cognitive skills they’re starting to be able to think abstractly they’re   starting to be able to see the gray area and alternate explanations but even you know during   that period so zero to 12 children are having difficulty envisioning all the possibilities   so anything that happens before that we want to encourage them to look at the schemas that were   formed and challenge them to examine whether they are currently accurate and helpful children think   dichotomously when they’re that young it’s all or nothing it’s good or bad it’s not kind of sort   of something it is what it is I mean even think about thinking back to grades that we would get   it was satisfactory or unsatisfactory there was no ABCD F when we were in elementary school and   I don’t remember middle school then it was a dichotomous grading scale you either did it or you   didn’t children are egocentric so whatever happens they say what was it about me that made this   happen if mom’s in a bad mood what did I do if you know Mom is rejecting stupid well I’m   stupid children are very egocentric so you take all or nothing combined with all about me and you   can see we’re creating the perfect storm of children can only focus on one aspect at a time when I work   with adult clients you know they come in and they tell me that they had an interaction with their   boss he was walking down the hall and he was in a bad mood and I just knew I did something and so   we talked about that and I’m like how do you know that because he had it he had an angry look on his   face okay what are some other possibilities what else might have been going on with him then and a lot of times we can brainstorm ideas about a call he just got or where they just   left a meeting that didn’t go so well or who knows what else in this day and time when we’ve   got our cell phones and PDAs and everything there are a lot of things that can trigger a   mood besides just whoever you pass in the hallway children can’t think about those other things that   might have triggered the mood they see somebody unhappy and they’re like I’m sorry um so we want   to encourage as adults we want to encourage them to say all right what are the other possibilities even as children I try to work with my kids to encourage them to look at alternate reasons   why somebody may be acting a certain way children can’t think abstractly and consider those possible   options um even with kids you know knee-high to a grasshopper if you’re in a situation and   maybe in a store and somebody behaves not kindly to you, you can talk about that later with the kids   and say you know that was kind of unpleasant to go through what you think might have caused that   and brainstorm three ideas my favorite number is three I don’t know why but brainstorm three ideas   for alternate explanations for why that person may have been in an unpleasant mood if children   learn to do this when they’re younger it’s a a lot easier to transition to as adults schemas   are a broad way of perceiving things based on memories feelings and thoughts it’s   our go-to perception of what something’s going to be like we have schemas about everything if   you go to church you have a schema about what’s going to happen when you go to your mother’s   house you have a schema about how mom’s going to behave and what’s going to happen we form these   it’s our brain’s short shortcut instead of having to analyze every situation it says oh I remember   this been here before it’s probably going to be like X Y Z unfortunately sometimes things change   and one of the things we see in addictions treatment as is as caregivers into recovery and get a hold on it and start working that a new way of life and sobriety and all that stuff   old family members or family members still expect that old behavior they have that schema that when   Jane comes in this is what’s going to happen because they’re remembering how she behaved and   acted in her addictive self so we want to help people identify their schemas and check them   sometimes they’re still accurate sometimes not so much schemas that trigger abandonment fear center   around the cell acceptability is this person going to like me which is one of the reasons we do a lot   of self-esteem work in reducing abandonment fears because we want to reduce the need for people to   solicit external validation we want them to say I’m all that and a bag of chips and I would love   to play with you but if you don’t want to play I’m okay with that love ability if they were   told they were unlovable if they perceived they were unlovable then in the present, they   may fear isolation they may fear that they’re not lovable so they will try to do whatever they can   or likewise they will build a lead wall that is 5 feet thick around them so nobody can   hurt them they may have fears about their own competence you know thinking back to Erikson   you never thought some of these theorists from the past would keep coming up even in current practice   but they do if a child going through that period of industry versus inferiority Erik Erikson’s   stages of psychosocial development and they felt like a failure all the time or they were never   good enough the parents never recognized their positive achievements then they may question their competence and feel like a failure if they feel like a failure they may feel they may believe   that nobody wants to be around them so they will leave so if I fail they will leave and fears may   center around adaptability some people are not able to tolerate any loss of control they’re just   like that they’re holding on with a death grip to the relationship to anything that’s going on and   it starts to go wonky they are going to freak out so we want to look at what does it mean if you’re   not in control of everything what does it mean if you trust that this person is going to do the   next right thing if you are doing the next right thing as well schemas that trigger abandonment   fears can also be sent around center around others if someone is rejecting distant cold or is unable to   handle the person’s needs then the person may not feel acceptable so if they are in relationships   with people like this then we need to look at is Is it you who’s not acceptable or is something else   going on with that person that may be making them unable to deal with anybody else’s stuff   right now the person may feel isolated if other people are absent if people fail to keep promises   they may feel like nobody’s ever there for them competence if other people are always critical   then the person will question their competence and if others are unpredictable a lot of the time   when people who have anxiety about abandonment they come from situations where other people have   not been predictable or if they were they were unpredictably absent and relationship of self to   others if they are afraid about their ability to relate with others if they’re afraid of rejection   if they’re afraid that if they start to love they will be rejected and then they will be isolated   forever if they are afraid of the unknown and they I just want consistency more than anything and   as soon as consistency starts to waver a little bit because as we grow things change and people   with abandonment issues don’t like things to change because that’s not predictable and that’s   not consistent so they may have difficulty if one the person starts to change what they do I see this   a lot not saying that it’s an abandonment issue necessarily but when law enforcement officers   retire you know because they can retire after 20 years so they may start a new career and   that causes a lot of change schedule changes they’re not law enforcement anymore and the   spouse sometimes has culty adjusting to it as does the retired officer but controllability   if the person holds on to relationships and everything in their life with white knuckles   because they’re so afraid if they let go of control that they are going to disappear or   disintegrate then if something seems like it’s not in their control, it’s going to be a catastrophe so attachment Styles secure if there’s an emotionally available caregiver the child   will seek the caregiver for comfort and guess what the caregiver will be there and will more   often than not meet the need for comfort with the the correct type of comfort so hungry cold scared kind   of following the child’s upset when the caregiver leaves especially in new situations but the child   gets over it it’s not a child that’s going to sit there and cry for eight hours and then the child’s   happy when the caregiver returns in this kind of attachment the child learns to trust others will   be responsive to their needs and validate their needs a child learns to be self-reliant and try   new things but if they fail they know they can return to the home base they can go out and go well   that didn’t go as planned and the caregiver will be there to say alright let’s figure out what to do   next not You are such a failure the child learns to adapt to a variety of situations because when   they’ve been faced with something that’s a little scary caregivers have been there to kind of coach them   on and go you got this it’s scary I got it but you can do it the child learns to deal with   stress because the caregivers are there to coach them or to process it with them afterward because the   caregiver is not always physically there but if you’ve got children you know sometimes they’ll   come home from school and they’ve had a really bad day and you’d pull them aside and go you know   what’s going on let’s talk about it so in this way the child learns to deal with stress and the child   learns to have accurate expectations of others in the secure attachment, emotionally available   situation remember children are egocentric so if mom’s upset the child goes what did I do or Oh my gosh I hope mom’s not going to leave in a secure situation sometimes the parent has to   say something like Mommy had a really bad day at work today has nothing to do with you I need to go   take a timeout that helps a child understand that you know what it’s not all about me and   I can understand that sometimes moms upset for something besides me and I can understand that   if moms Up said it doesn’t mean she’s going to leave so obviously, this is the ideal situation   avoidant attachment styles the rejecting or harsh caregiver the person depends less on the caregiver   for security because every time they go saying mom Mom I had a nightmare can I come into bed with you   they’re met with going back to your bed and the caregiver rolls over it’s not oh I’m sorry you had   a nightmare let me walk you back to your room when the child is separated from the caregiver   there’s little response when the caregiver leaves or returns because the kids like what uses that   person to me the child learns not to depend on a caregiver for comfort connection or security   now imagine yourself a four-year-old child or a six-year-old child thinking I can’t count on my   caregivers for comfort connection or security that must be a terrifying place to be and I   can see why you would develop some pretty strong defense mechanisms the ambivalent relationship between the   cave caregiver is inconsistent or can bow can’t talk caregiver is inconsistent or chaotic this   is true in a lot of homes where there are at least one parent who is battling some sort of   addiction or mental health issue so the parent may or may not be available you don’t know what   the good days are going to be you don’t know what the bad days are going to be so the child may be   anxious and afraid to try new things or explore because they’re like things are going good right   now I don’t want to top will be an applecart just going to sit here and ride it out a child may be   clinging and demanding trying to elicit a response remembering negative attention is better than no   attention at all and the child is upset when the caregiver leaves but also inconsolable when the   caregiver returns because you know I was upset I was scared you went away but you came back and   that’s good but I don’t know when you’re going to go away again and if you’re going to come   back so it’s this constant anxiety of abandonment core abandonment beliefs all people leave so we   want to challenge that by identifying exceptions mistrust people will hurt reject take advantage   of me or just not be there when I need them you know what that’s true sometimes because people   have their stuff so when this happens let’s look at whether it’s happening all the time and/or   let’s also look at what else might be going on with that person that caused them to hurt reject   take advantage or not be there when you needed the emotional deprivation I never get the love I   need nobody understands me cares about me or even ever tries to meet my needs here how dramatic and   extreme that is so one of the things as clinicians we can do is say if you are getting the   love you needed what would it look like what would be different what is it that you need   that you’re not getting once we identify then we can create a plan to get it but a lot   of times other people don’t understand or may not be able to interpret what you need so let’s help   let’s try to figure out how to make this happen nobody understands me alright let’s talk about   why that might be and you know let’s look at some people who’ve kind of gotten a grasp sometimes   with clients with abandonment beliefs nobody understands me translates to I don’t give a buddy   a chance and I cut them off as soon as they become confused and because they associate confusion with rejection so we might talk about communication skills we might work on what it is that people   don’t understand and how to better communicate that and where to find people who have similar   interests nobody ever even tries to meet my needs you know where I would look for exceptions   but I would also challenge the person and I would say when do you meet your needs what do you do   to take care of yourself a lot of times clients with abandonment beliefs are so freaked   out and afraid of being abandoned that they’re not taking care of themselves either they’re   just living and paralyzed going back to fight flee or freeze they’re living a paralyzed state   of I want to be loved but if I love I’m gonna get hurt and I don’t know what to do they don’t even   love themselves so we want to start talking about if you had your best friend you know create this   best friend persona what would he or she say to you what would he or she do right now let’s try to   help you understand yourself with mindfulness exercises are good here because a lot of times these   clients don’t understand themselves they’ve got so much anxiety they’re so afraid and they don’t   know where it’s coming from because a lot of it has been going on for so long defectiveness   if people knew me they would reject me you know not everybody’s going to like you why do you need   everybody to like you why is it important that everybody likes you and failure I don’t measure   up and I’m not able to succeed I usually put pull out the obnoxious quote that if you haven’t failed   you haven’t tried and we talked about what it means to get outside your comfort zone and you’re   not going to be perfect at everything you’re not going to be Michael Phelps you’re not going to be   the president of the United States that doesn’t mean that you’re a failure that doesn’t mean you’re a failure so what things are you good at what can you and have you succeeded at and   go back and look over things like you graduated high school not everybody does that you know   raised a family, not everybody does that so we want to challenge all nothing’ languages we   want to look for exceptions and we want to look for in what ways can you provide yourself the   validation so you don’t fear abandonment you don’t need other people to tell you you’re okay because   guess what you’re telling yourself I’m okay and before I go on to unhelpful reactions I do want   to point out that if we tell people to tell themselves you know I’m okay that sounds great   but if they don’t believe it if it’s not supported with evidence, it’s probably going to slow   their growth because they’re sitting there going telling themselves I’m okay and in the back of   their head going you know you’re not so we need to get that internal critical voice to kind of   hush up by providing the person with the objective evidence of why they’re okay why they’re good   enough and that’s a slow process it’s not going to happen overnight but encourage people to figure   out why they believe what they believe and then you can work from there okay unhelpful reactions   fighting with someone you don’t want to leave me because so the person may engage in a dominant   sort of posturing behavior aggression hostility blaming and criticizing trying to tear down the   other person to say you know what I don’t care and it would help if you were grateful that I’m in your life recognizing and seeking to get attention and validation or approval so if they feel something’s going   wrong in a relationship they may start trying to do something to gain recognition to prove that   they’re worthy of a relationship for what they do versus who they are manipulation and exploitation   said lying justifying I did this because you made me so sometimes we all occasionally do things that   aren’t the nicest people who fear abandonment have difficulty saying you know what I screwed   up and they’re more likely to go you made me do I wouldn’t have done it if you would have X   Y & Z people again who are worried about a relationship is going to fall apart and may also make excuses for   other people’s inappropriate behavior it’s like you know I hate what this person does but   if I don’t make excuses for it if I condemn it then this person is going to leave in counseling   we can talk about the difference between loving a person and loving a person’s behavior you know I   love my kids to death there is no question about that but some of their behavior makes me want to   climb a wall I’m very clear to separate from them the difference between the behavior that I dislike   and them because you know like I said I love them to pieces and we want to help people start making   this differentiation if they don’t do it already and clinging and chasing is the other fight   reaction stalking and messaging somebody 47 times on Facebook in an hour all these kinds of behaviors   and even online bullying those sorts of things can be fight reactions in response to feeling like   there’s a threat of abandonment flight is more of the I don’t care if you leave so the person   will withdraw physically and emotionally and maybe even numb themselves with some sort of   addictive behavior or distract themselves with something completely different or find a new   person just proof that you know what I didn’t need you because I’ve got this new person now questions for clients about core beliefs all people leave okay so what does it look   like if somebody’s available to you if they don’t abandon you who in your past left you   or was unavailable emotionally now a lot of I find it helpful for mental health   and addiction clients to have them write an autobiography because then we can go back   and kind of review it and identify the core people at certain stages in a person’s life what did the person who left you do to make you feel rejected or abandoned in retrospect   you know it was hard to see the difference what was going on back then because you were a kid in   retrospect what are the alternate explanations for why this may have happened was it you or was it more about them who in your past has been available to you emotionally most of   the time people can point to one maybe two people who have generally been there it’s unreasonable to   expect someone always to be there who in your present is available to you emotionally you   know maybe they’ve only been in your life for six months or a year but they are available and I say   emotionally because you know not everybody can be available physically all the time we’ve got   jobs kids all that kind of stuff but can you pick up the phone and call them or text them and say   hey you know what I’m struggling right now what do you do in your current relationships that cause people to leave do you push them away if so how what are alternatives to pushing them away cutting all ties and just saying fine be that way I wipe my hands off you if you cling how do you do   this in what ways do you perceive yourself as being clinging and what are some alternatives   to holding on with all desperation and mistrust people will hurt reject or take advantage of me or just   not be there when I need them so again what does it looks like when somebody’s or what does it feel   like when someone is trustworthy and safe who in your past was untrustworthy or unsafe what do they   do they taught you this and what are alternate explanations who in your past has been trustworthy   and safe who in your present is available and trustworthy What do you do to yourself that   is unsafe or dishonest that’s one of those tricky questions you’re there talking about other people   other people then it’s like what do you do to yourself how do you lie to your   self or how are you mean and hateful to yourself how does your distrust of other people or even   yourself impact your current relationships some people distrust their internal intuition so   much that they don’t want to make friends with other people, they’re like I can’t tell who’s   going to hurt me and who won’t so just yeah I’m going to wipe my hands of it all what could you   do differently what do you think you could do to start building trust and what does   it look like to build trust because Trust doesn’t just appear it builds gradually emotional deaths   deprivation I don’t get the love I need nobody understands me so again what does it look like   when somebody understands you and meets your needs who in the past failed to meet your needs   emotionally and how can you deal with that now you know it may have been mom it may have been   ex-husband it may have been you know who knows how can you deal with it now yourself so you can   put it to rest who in your past is understood you who in your present understands you how   can you start again better understanding yourself because it’s hard for other people to understand   us when we don’t even understand ourselves and what can you do to start getting your needs met one of the things was starting to get your own needs met is to figure out what your needs are and   this is one of the exercises I have people do as a homework assignment they keep track of what is   it they want daily keep a log and then let’s talk about what common themes were seeing   if people knew me they would reject me okay so how do you know when you’re accepted or acceptable to   someone who when you’re past may make you feel defective are there alternate explanations and   how can you silence those old tapes because that person that statement stays as a heckler   in the gallery we need to hush the heckler what can you do part of it could be talking back and   saying you know what I’m not going to listen or I don’t have time for this right now who’s   been accepting and supportive who is in your life that’s accepting and supportive and how can you   start accepting yourself and being compassionate so some compassion focus training mindfulness work   to help people understand themselves and start being compassionate with themselves understanding   their vulnerabilities and cutting themselves some slack I don’t measure up I’m not able to succeed   okay that’s a pretty big success you know what is what success means success means different   things to different people so what does it look like to you to be successful let’s kind of hammer   that out what is it if you are successful what would be different what in your past has made   you feel like a failure what are some alternate ways of viewing it such as a learning experience   or something I had to go through to grow or you know brainstorming alternate explanations for   why people fail they don’t have a response to sometimes I ask them to kind of take on   a flip role and say pretend you’re a parent and your child comes home and they’ve tried out for   the football team and they didn’t make the team they failed what are you going to tell on what   have you succeeded at doing in the past what are you good at in the present and we want to   pay attention to minimization here because a a lot of our clients are not good at identifying   their strengths what does being successful mean in terms of your relationship with others do you have   to be successful to be loved and be a good relationship you know you’re going   to be successful in a relationship if you’re but do you have to be financially successful and powerful whatever you define success as in order to be in healthy relationships who are   three successful people you know and what makes them successful in your eyes does success equal   happiness you can do a whole group on that and what do your kids need to do to be successful   in life you know we want our kids to succeed we want our kids to be happy so what is it that I   envision my child’s life to be 10 to 15 years from now triggering relationships the abandoner is   unpredictable unstable and unavailable the abusive relationship is untrustworthy and   unsafe the deprived err depriving relationship the a person is detached or withholding the Devastator   is always judgmental rejecting and critical and the critic is critical and narcissistic usually   a lot of times people replay their past to try to kind of get it right the second time so we want   to look at do you have a habit of getting into relationships with people who are not safe we can   also ask them how do you exhibit these behaviors in what ways are these behaviors present your   current relationships and in what ways were these present and your primary caregiver relationships behavioral triggers abandonment and mistrust if somebody starts acting differently they change   their behavior in some way a person who fears abandonment goes oh that’s not good if they’re   not getting constant reassurance that’s that external validation can trigger   abandonment fears so again we want to work on internal validation and why is it that you   feel you need constant reassurance from the other person’s relationships feel threatening so   work relationships those sorts of things the a person who has abandonment issues won’t want   their significant other around other people and they become hyper-vigilant to rejection   and disconnection even if it’s just somebody going I had a really bad day I need 20 minutes   and go into the room and shut the door the person with abandonment issues will likely   have a high level of anxiety so we want to ask how these behaviors have threatened them in the   past what are alternate explanations for why this is happening with this person right now and what   would be a helpful reaction to these behaviors now so this is happening what would be a helpful   reaction instead of assuming that the sky is going to fall defectiveness and failure so if   somebody is critical if they have unexplained time apart there’s absent or inconsistent reassurance   or if the person tells them they’re a failure these or they fail at something these could   all be behavioral triggers they could be like I failed at something I’m not getting reassurance   this relationship is fixin’ to end questions how is this threatened you in the past alternate   explanations and what would be a helpful reaction to this particular situation right now envisioning activity what does a healthy the relationship looks like presence versus abandonment   acceptance versus rejection emotional support versus emotional unavailability trustworthy   versus untrustworthy and safe versus harmful these are extremes what does it look like to   be a middle ground there are going to be exceptions you know things are going to happen so what does   a healthy relationship look like and how do you deal with exceptions if somebody’s not always   present how can you create this relationship with yourself that’s the big one and then how can you   create this relationship with others’ mindfulness questions what am I feeling what’s triggering it   am I safe right now and if not what do I need to is this bringing up something from the past if   so how is this different how am I different then I was when I was six or four and how   can I silence my inner critic and finally what would be a helpful reaction that would move me   more toward my goals and a positive emotional experience summary core beliefs   about the self and others are formed in early life due to children’s lack of knowledge of other   experiences and primitive cognitive abilities these core beliefs are often very dichotomous   core beliefs can be formed around events or experiences outside of the conscious memory   identifying and being mindful of abandonment triggers in the present can help people choose   alternate more helpful ways of responding in the present in Secure and Loved loved me   don’t leave me are two excellent books there are Google previews if you want to look   at them to see if it’s something that you like but they do take what we talked about in this   presentation and expand upon it a whole bunch more if you enjoy this podcast please like and   subscribe either in your podcast player or on YouTube you can attend and participate in our   live webinars with Doctor Snipes by subscribing at all CEUs comm slash counselor toolbox, this   episode has been brought to you in part by all CEUs com provides 24/7 multimedia continuing   education and pre-certification training to counselors therapists and nurses since 2006 used coupon code consular toolbox to get a 20% discount off your order this month you As found on YouTubeSeanCooper🗯 The Shyness & Social Guy ⇝ The 3 WORST Mistakes You Must AVOID If You Want To Overcome Shyness (PLUS: 1 weird trick that targets the root biological cause of shyness so you can stop being nervous, awkward, and quiet around people…) http://flywait.darekw.hop.clickbank.net/ By Sean Cooper, The Shyness & Social Anxiety Guy. The fact that you’re reading this article tells me you may have already reached a point where you feel your shyness is NOT going away on its own… or you fear it’s getting worse and worse. And I don’t want you to waste one more day living a life where you feel left out, bored, or depressed because you don’t have the relationships which would make you happy. That’s why I’ve put together this page to help you avoid the worst mistakes that keep many people stuck with shyness for years… often giving up hope of ever improving as you watch other people have interesting “normal” lives without you. Yet this doesn’t have to happen.732d01adf780998f105af3460737a431

10 Signs Your Mental Health is Getting Worse

 Upbeat, Music, Hey Psych2Goers, have you ever thought about joining our team of animators or writers, Or perhaps you want to start an animation channel of your own? Are you looking through as many youtube channels as you could for tutorials and tips, but wasted a lot of time on some, not so helpful ones? Skillshare is a great place where you can learn new things with their online classes and they have animation courses as well Click the link in the description below to get your free trial of Skillshare Premium, Hey Psych2goers, and welcome back to our channel. This video is suggested by one of our viewers Army Blink. Thanks for the suggestion Now let’s get started. Have you been wondering if your mental health is possibly getting worse? Mental health just like physical health, affects everyone, whether you are suffering from a mental illness or not. Your mental and emotional health can fluctuate from time to time, depending on the stresses going on in your life, So it s always a good idea to check in with yourself and try to gauge the direction your mental health is going in With that said, here are Ten signs that your mental health is getting worse NUMBER ONE, You re losing interest in the little things. Do your favorite activities suddenly seem meh to you? If you’ve started to lose excitement for life s little things, then this is a sign that your mental health might not be at its best. You might be feeling this way because of an overload of stress in your life, or you’re feeling overwhelmed with all of your responsibilities and to-do lists When you lose interest and don t enjoy the hobbies and activities that you once did. This could also be a warning sign of depression If you think this could be what’s happening to you know that you are not alone and that help is just around the corner. Talk with a trusted friend or a family member or a mental health professional. To get the help you need to navigate these troubling times NUMBER TWO: You get overwhelmed easier. Do you find that you’ve been getting overwhelmed more often than normal? When do you have a to-do list for two or three tasks? Does it feel more like you? Have ten things to do When you start to get overwhelmed easily with everyday things, this could be a sign of worsening mental health According to Psychotherapist, Sheri Jacobson, feeling mentally overwhelmed could be an internal reaction to excessive outside stress. To help cope with this overwhelming feeling. You can journal meditate or practice mindfulness NUMBER THREE. You don t feel like socializing that much anymore Does it feel more exhausting to interact with people nowadays, Regardless of whether you’re an introvert extrovert, or somewhere in between? We all have a standard comfort level when it comes to social interaction If you feel yourself slipping below your comfort level. Pay attention to this. Remember that, even if it does t feel that way at the moment, interacting with people can help boost your mood. We want to mention that we’re happy to have Skillshare as a sponsor today because they promote the idea of a self-made. Are you planning to learn a new skill, perhaps illustration animation, or writing? It would be great if everything you need is all in one place right? Well, Skillshare has thousands of catered courses across all kinds of topics like design, business, tech, and more. There is truly something for everyone. Skillshare has a great intro class on animation that we recommend The course is called Creativity, Unleashed, Discover, Hone and Share Your Voice Online by Johannes Fast. If any of you are interested in learning basic animation, I recommend you go check it out. In the link below The first 1000, people will get a free trial of Skillshare Premium and after that, it s only around 10 a month. Let us know what Skillshare courses you’re taking in the comments below FOUR You don t have a consistent sleep schedule. Have you developed a seemingly random sleep schedule, Despite wanting to get up at a certain time in the morning, do you wind up sleeping all day When you have an irregular sleep schedule? This could signify increased stress in your life and a decline in your mental health. If you’re struggling to regulate your sleep, you can try setting up a routine to wake up and go to bed at the same time every day, This will get your body back into its regular rhythm of sleep and wake cycles, therefore, no longer causing sleep Disturbance, FIVE, You always feel drained Despite getting enough sleep and eating well, do you constantly feel exhausted or drained According to Healthline mental exhaustion can set in when you are under long term stress and this type of exhaustion can make it feel like you are trying to Move up a mountain More than just feeling tired. When you are this drained and constantly exhausted, you might struggle to get anything done. Healthline suggests practicing gratitude, relaxation, and yoga, as well as talking to a mental health professional, to provide medication for you. If it s needed Treatment, plans will look different for everyone, but regardless there is a way that will work best for you to help pull yourself out of this state of exhaustion. Six, Your anxiety seems to be increasing.  Do you wake up in the morning with a crushing sense of anxiety that stays with you all day? Does this anxiety cast a cloud over your daily activities? Worsening anxiety can often coincide with worsening mental health. Anxiety affects us all whether or not you happen to suffer from a particular anxiety disorder. It s important to monitor your anxiety levels because a noticeable change can tell you a lot about your mental health. Anxiety is a stress response and it can cause a variety of psychological and physical symptoms. When you feel overly anxious, you might notice that your heart rate speeds up and your breathing rate increases, and you might experience a bout of nausea. Seven. You feel mentally and emotionally shattered. Do you feel like there are so many things happening around you, but you can t focus on any of them? If so, you’re not alone From time to time it s normal to feel this way, especially when you are going through higher amounts of stress. However, if you are feeling scattered and like things are spinning out of control, this could be a sign that your mental health is under strain According to Psychologist, Rick Hanson from Psychology. Today, you probably feel scattered, because you are struggling to find your center. This means that, for your brain to feel more organized, you need to feel at peace within yourself. Practicing mindfulness such as yoga and meditation are great places to start on the road to inner peace. Eight, You can t seem to pay attention. Do you have a harder time focusing and staying on task When you’re reading? Is it hard to comprehend? Do you have to reread the same passage over and over, Though it could relate to potential psychological disorders such as ADHD, depression, or anxiety? It is also likely that a lack of focus can be due to stress or poor self-care. It can be frustrating to start losing focus so frequently and those feelings are valid and normal Remember to take care of yourself and, as you recover know, that help is available NINE. You might be struggling with your impulse control. Are you acting more on impulse? Are you possibly indulging in things you should t, Whether it s retail therapy or binging, all of your shows, or playing video games for hours? When you act more on impulse like this, it can signify worsening mental health. You might pick up some unhealthy habits as a way to cope with life. Stress fulfills you or distracts you from a major issue going on in your life. Journaling, mindfulness, and therapy are great ways to start uncovering some of these issues. Ten, You are struggling to feel, grounded Similar to feeling centered when you are grounded. You are feeling confident and balanced within yourself. According to Irene Langeveld, an energy worker and meditation coach grounding starts with the root chakra at the base of the spine known to help. You feel secure Activities that connect your body with the world around you, such as hiking, meditating, or walking outside, are all great ways to help. You find your sense of grounding. Can you relate to any of the points made in this video? Do you think your mental health could be slipping If so know that there is help you can reach out to You. Can talk to a trusted friend, family member, or mental health therapist for support? Please like and share this video if it helped you and you think it can help someone else too. The studies and references used are listed in the description below Don t forget to hit the subscribe button for more Psych2Go videos. Thank you for watching. We’ll see you next time, Video by Psych2go.As found on YouTubeBrain Booster | Blue Heron Health News ⇝ I was losing my memory, focus – and mind! And then… http://flywait.4brain.hop.clickbank.net/ I got it all back again. Case study: Brian Thompson There’s nothing more terrifying than watching your brain health fail. You can feel it… but you can’t stop it. Over and over I asked myself, where is this going to end? What am I going to end up like? And nobody could tell me. Doesn’t matter now. I’m over it. Completely well. This is how I did it!OIP-c2

Best Practices for Anxiety Treatment | Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

 this episode was pre-recorded as part of a live continuing   education webinar on-demand CEUs are still available for this presentation   AllCEUs.com/Anxiety-CEU I’d like to welcome everybody to today’s presentation on best practices for the   treatment of anxiety I am your host, Dr. Dawn Elise Snipes now not too long ago we did a presentation on strengths-based biopsychosocial   approaches to addressing anxiety while those are wonderful you know I thought maybe   we ought to look at you know what’s some of the current research so I went into PubMed which is   I don’t know it’s a playground for me it’s where you find a lot of journal articles and you   can sort I sorted by articles that were done and meta-analyses that were done within   the past five years so that gives us an idea about current research I mean there’s a lot   of stuff that is still the same like some of the medications that were known to work ten   years ago are still known to be you know good first-line treatments but there are also some   newcomers that we’ll talk about and there are also some changes that we’re going to talk about so we’re going to explore some common causes for anxiety symptoms to treat, we need to and of course, this does play into the biopsychosocial aspect we need to   understand kind of what causes it because anxiety that’s caused by for example somebody having a   racing heart may be different than anxiety that’s caused for somebody who has abandonment issues so   we’re gonna treat the two things differently so we want to look at some of the common causes we’re   gonna look at some common triggers for anxiety Do you know what are some of these common themes that   we see in practice I will ask you to share some of the themes that you see that underline   or underlie a lot of your client’s anxiety and identify current best practices for anxiety   management including counseling interventions medications physical interventions and supportive   treatments so we care because anxiety can be debilitating and a lot of our clients   have anxiety a lot of our clients have anxiety comorbid with depression and they’re looking at   us going how can I feel anxious and stressed out and like I can’t sit still and be depressed at the   same time you know when you’re depressed you’re supposed to want to sleep well a lot of times   people who have both issues want to sleep but they can’t so I want to help clients   understand that also sometimes anxiety when people are anxious for long enough the body   starts kind of holding on to the cortisol the body recognizes at a certain point this is a   losing battle I’m not going to put energy into this anymore so it starts withdrawing some of   its excitatory neurotransmitters so to speak and people will start to feel depressed the   brain has already said this is hopeless this is you’re helpless to change the situation so   then people start feeling hopeless and helpless which is sort of the definition if you will of   depression low-grade chronic stress and anxiety arose energy and people’s ability to concentrate   so if we’re going to help them become their uber selves we need to help them figure out how to   address anxiety not just generalized overwhelming debilitating anxiety but also panic social anxiety   and those minor anxiety triggers that come along that may not meet the threshold for diagnosis   anxiety is a major trigger for addiction relapse if you have a client who is self-medicated before   or had an addiction for some reason anxiety is a major trigger increased physical pain when anxiety   goes up people tend to tense their muscles when they tense their muscles they tend to feel more   pain I mean think about when you’re stressed you tend to have more pain like in your neck your   back and things that already hurt may hurt more why because serotonin which is one of our major   anti-anxiety neurotransmitters is also one of our major pain modulators so when serotonin levels are   too low because anxiety is high then our pain perception is going to be more acute and people   can have sleep problems if they’re stressed out your body thinks there’s a threat you’re not   going to be able to get into that deep restful sleep you may have you may sleep you may sleep   a lot but it’s probably not quality sleep which means your neurotransmitters may get out of whack   your hormones make it out of whack and your body is going to start perceiving yourself in a   persistent state of stress when you’re exhausted the body knows that we may be the weakest link   in the herd so it continues to secrete cortisol to keep you on alert a little bit so you   may again you may be resting kind of like when you have a new baby at home those first couple   of months that my children were home from the hospital I slept but I didn’t sleep well I mean   the slightest little noise and I was awake and I was looking around and you know I felt it I felt   exhausted and a lot of new parents do so triggers for anxiety abandonment and rejection and we’re   going to talk about ways we might want to deal with these things but some of the underlying   themes that I’ve seen in a lot of clients and when I do the research and a lot of what themes that   come out include low self-esteem if someone has low self-esteem they’re looking to be externally   validated oftentimes they’re looking for somebody else to tell them you’re lovable you’re okay so   that can lead to anxiety about not having people to tell them you’re okay which makes   their relationships tenuous and can make them dysfunctional irrational thoughts and cognitive   distortions may lead people to believe that if I’m not perfect for example I am not lovable so we’re   going to look at some irrational thoughts and cognitive distortions unhealthy social supports   and relationships when you’re in a relationship it takes two to tango and even if your client is   relatively mentally and physically healthy if they are in a dysfunctional relationship they can fear   abandonment and rejection if that other person is always saying if you don’t do X I’m going   to leave you or if that other person is always cheating on them or whatever so relationships   can trigger abandonment anxiety and ineffective interpersonal skills can lead to relationship   turmoil and social exile if our clients are in relationships even if they’re not completely   dysfunctional if our clients are not able to ask for what they need and set appropriate boundaries   and manage conflict effectively because conflict happens in every relationship then they may start   to argue more which may lead to fearing may lead to relationships ending in the past and them going   well every relationship I get into ends which means I must not be lovable so they start fearing   abandonment and rejection these are four areas that we can look at one more assessing clients   another issue is the unknown and loss of control a lot of times negative self-talk and cognitive   distortions can contribute to that if I don’t have control of everything then it’s all going to be a   disaster negative others when clients hang out or when people hang out with negative people it   kind of wears on you after a while you notice that people who tend to be more negative   pessimistic conspiracy-minded tend to hang out with people who are also negatively pessimistic and   conspiracy-minded so if you’re hanging out with somebody who tends to be anxious then the anxiety   can be palpable and it can kind of permeate physical complaints can lead people to be   anxious because they don’t know what’s causing it like I said earlier sometimes if your heart starts   to race if you don’t know what’s causing it you can start thinking I’m having a heart attack or   I’m gonna die when people have panic attacks for the example they truly think they’re having a heart   attack and it’s I’ve had them they are very very unpleasant experiences but when people   start having physical complaints and it can be you know they have a weird rash that they can’t get to   go away or whatever but when they don’t know what it is and they can’t control it they can’t   make it go away they start thinking about all the worst-case scenarios and going online and   getting on WebMD which usually gives you all the worst-case scenarios um so physical complaints   are important we need to normalize the fact that nobody’s pain-free all the time and you know the   fact that you may have an ache or a pain or a lump or a bump or you know a cough most likely you know   when we look at probability the probability of it being something significant is pretty small now   do you want to get it checked out probably but you know the probability that is anything to be   worried about is relatively small and a sense of powerlessness can trigger fear of the unknown   and loss of control for somebody who doesn’t feel like they have any agency in their life   if they have an external locus of control or if they felt victimized all of their life then   they may fear not being in control they may be holding on and saying okay this is the one area   of my life I can control when I grew up you know I grew up in a very chaotic environment I had no   control I was bounced around in the foster system yadda yadda yadda now that I’m an adult you know I   can control these things and I am going to hold on with white knuckles and if I can’t control   everything then that terrifies me to death and loss are other triggers for anxiety and it can   be people or pets and pets are important I don’t want to minimize pets because you know they are   little parts of a lot of our families so making sure we check that my daughter’s dog for example   is it’s getting old she’s getting older she’s 14 now I think and you know she’s in decent health   we took her to the vet and the vet said yeah she’s got a little heart murmur but that’s expected for   a 14-year-old dog and but when she goes out if she doesn’t come back when I call her I have this rush   of anxiety for a second oh my gosh I hope this wasn’t the day so anxious around losing people   and you know if she when she crosses the bridge she will and you know I’m okay with that I’m   I have a harder time dealing with my daughter’s emotional turmoil when that happens and because   she’s grown up with this dog so you know those are the types of things that we want to talk about   with our clients what things are weighing on you that you may not even be thinking about because I   know in the back of my mind there’s always that worry about one of our donkeys and her dog jobs   and promotions can trigger anxiety if people are afraid they’re gonna lose their job if they’re   always afraid that you know they’re gonna walk in and get a pink slip or get fired you know we want   to help them look at how realistic they are you doing what you need to do to achieve   and keep your job and sometimes it’s not easy to answer I mean the first thought that a lot of us   have is well you know if you’re doing the right thing so just do it but there are those bosses   out there and I’ve had some amazing bosses a lot of them and I’ve had two horrendous   bosses and those two bosses I could never I never felt like I was able to do anything right   and so going to those jobs there was always this anxiety about what I’m what am I going to get in   trouble for today so you want to talk with people about does your job cause anxiety what can you   do to moderate that anxiety the same thing with promotions people may get anxious about whether   they’re going to get promoted to safety and security you know when you lose safety and security you can   feel anxious so if there’s a break-in at the house next door or shooting down the road   or you start watching the news you can feel very unsafe and insecure quickly so we want to   help people figure out how safe and secure are you really and a lot of it goes back to really looking   at facts when people lose their dreams and hopes or fear that they’re going to lose their dreams   and hopes they can start to get anxious you know they have this dream that they’re going to be   a doctor or I just finished the presentation on helping high school students transition to college   and a lot of high school students for example start college with these wide eyes and hopes   to save the world and they want to be doctors and engineers and this and that and they get   into it and they realize that it’s a lot harder then they thought or they realize that you know   what I don’t like this but I’ve already committed to it so what do I do I want to help   people but I can’t I can’t cut it doing this you know for me I figured out in my second year that   I wasn’t going to medical school because I wasn’t going to pass calculus and that caused a lot of   anxiety it was like okay what am I gonna do now Do you know what career should I choose to help people figure out do they have dreams that have maybe kind of crashed and burned and you have to   find new ones you know okay that one we’ve got to accept it figure out that it’s not going to be and   what can you do now people may also have dreams about relationships, they get into relationships   and see themselves with this person forever and then this relationship ends and or starts to   get rocky and they’re like but that’s my dream what happens if that’s got to happen because   it’s my dream I don’t know how to function if that goes away we want to help people be able to   rewrite their narrative and then sickness spiders and other phobias kind of go in with death a lot   of times when people get sick they start getting anxious that oh my gosh what if this is terminal   oh my gosh what if this is you know incurable if I get bit by a spider it’s gonna kill me and   which is rare you know there are very few spiders that is that poisonous same thing with   snakes going over bridges I’ve shared with you all that is not one of my irrational fears you know I   am just terrified that you know something’s going to happen and I’m going to get pushed off the side   of the bridge which is completely irrational but we need to help people look at those and identify   the thoughts that they’re telling themself about those phobias and dealing with that anxiety failure   is another trigger for anxiety especially in this culture our culture American culture is   in large part puts a high premium on success and perfectionism so when people realize that   they’re not perfect they may start to get anxious because they feel like if I’m not perfect then I’m   a failure you know those cognitive distortions of all-or-nothing thinking and they start with that   negative self-talk you know you can’t do anything right so those are some of the issues that you   know we often see in counseling sessions so what do we do you know somebody comes in and is like   I can’t live this way doc anxiety depression and substance disorders as well as a range of physical   disorders are often comorbid so this is the first the thing we need to realize is that   we’re very rarely dealing with a very simple diagnosis you know when somebody comes in we need   to figure out you know if they come in and they’re presenting with depression all right let’s talk   about that and then we start realizing that there depression started to occur after a long period   of being anxious okay so we need to deal with that but we also need to help them   with their sense of hopelessness and helplessness we need to develop that sense of empowerment and   then substance disorders we know that substance use is often a way of self-medicating but we also   know that it monkeys with the neurochemicals in the brain and can contribute to anxiety and   depression the same thing to physical issues pain from physical disorders anxiety about having   physical disorders medications you’re taking for physical disorders can all contribute to anxiety   so we need to look at the person as a whole and go what are all the things that are contributing to   the anxiety and what are all the things that the anxiety is contributing to so we have started having this big list of stuff that needs to be addressed and then we can start figuring out okay   where we start so knowing that these things are comorbid helps researchers explore pathways   to mental disorders so they can start figuring out you know what little string can we pull to   unravel this blanket of anxiety so it doesn’t suffocate somebody and for us as clinicians it   provides us key opportunities to intervene in you know sometimes clients will come in and start talking about their anxiety and their physical issues you   know maybe their anxieties about you know heart palpitations and because that’s a common one we   may want to encourage them to go see the doctor to get that ruled out you know rule out anything that   has to do with hormone imbalances or you know heart conditions or anything else that might be   contributing to it which can help them address it and if they do have physical disorders let’s   go with hormone imbalances that are contributing to the heart palpitations then they can start to   treat that if they don’t start to treat that then no amount of talk therapy we do is going to get   them to the quality of life that they’re looking for because they’re still gonna feel those so   we want to make sure that we’re addressing them holistically anxiety disorders should be treated   with psychological therapy pharmacy therapy or a combination of both and what they found and this   is no surprise this is kind of old news is that counseling Plus pharmacotherapy tends to have the   best outcomes but separating the two have similar outcomes in many cases but that’s just   looking at and I hate to call it simple anxiety but we’re just looking at anxiety symptoms here   we’re not looking at the full quality of life and we want to make sure that we’re also including any   medical issues behavioral therapy is regarded as the psychotherapy with the highest level   of evidence, there are a variety of cognitive behavioral approaches ranging from acceptance   and commitment therapy to dialectical behavior therapy to CBT to debt you know any of those that   deal with the thoughts and the cognitions that fall in that realm and it is effective in the current conceptualization of the etiology of anxiety disorders includes an interaction of   psychosocial factors such as childhood adversity or stressful events and a genetic vulnerability   so the psychosocial factors and these are other things when we do our assessment we want to pay   attention to because our approach to treatment is going to be different for people for example   who have trauma-related brain changes maybe then for somebody who doesn’t so, we want to   look at childhood adversity and stressful events that it may have caused basically what I tell clients is like rewiring of the brain there are trauma-related brain changes in soldiers and   especially in children or in people who’ve been exposed to extreme trauma that is designed to   protect them but it also can cause complications kind of later on in dealing with anxiety coping   skills that were learned that are ineffective you know sometimes people grow up in a household or an   environment or a situation where they don’t learn effective coping skills so we need to kind of help   them unlearn those and learn new ones build on their strengths and trauma issues that may still   need to be dealt with such as domestic violence you know if they grew up a lot around a lot of   domestic violence they may think you know I’m out of that situation it’s over I don’t want to   think about it it’s not bothering me anymore or a parental absence and I put absence because it can   be death it can be a parent that just packed up and left it could be a child that got put up for   adoption whatever put the child in a position of feeling like they were rejected by a parent can   be very traumatic and bullying among other things but there are a lot of trauma issues that people   once they’re out of that situation often say you know I’m out of it it’s not a big deal I dealt   with it let’s move on and they don’t realize the full ramifications and how that’s contributing to   their current anxiety and their current self-talk and cognitions of current stressors if somebody has   a lot of current stressors that’s also going to impact whether they develop generalized anxiety   you know we’re kind of stacking the deck here and the current availability of social support if they   don’t have effective current social support then they’re gonna have difficulty bearing the weight   of everything on their shoulders so we want to look at all these psychosocial factors when   we do our assessment now going back to the trauma issues if you’ve taken the trauma courses at   all CEUs you know that some people are not ready to acknowledge that the trauma is still bothering   them or work on the trauma and that’s okay we can educate them that it might be an issue and   then let them choose how to address it but we want to bear in mind the fact that you   know this could be sort of an underlying force motivating some of the current cognitions and genetic vulnerability so you take any three people and you put them or 300 people and you   put them through roughly the same psychosocial situations they’re all probably going to react   a little bit differently based on their prior experiences but also because of their genetic   makeup there are certain permutations and they found four we’ll talk about later that make the   brain more or less responsive to stress and more or less responsive to serotonin which   is your calming chemical so brains that are less responsive to serotonin isn’t going to you know   send out as much or send out serotonin as easily so people can stay kind of tensed and wired that’s an oversimplified explanation but that’s all you need for right now so genetic   vulnerability impacts people’s susceptibility to the effects and development of dependence   on certain substances which can increase anxiety when people are detoxing from alcohol when they’re   detoxing from benzos when they’re detoxing from opiates they can feel high levels of anxiety when   they take opiates some people find that opiates have wonderful anti-anxiety properties not that   I am advocating for the use of opiates I’m just client experiences have shown that that   can be true so some people are going to be more susceptible to the anti-anxiety effects   of certain substances and some people are going to be Cerrone to become dependent on substances   where others may not and that part of that is genetic vulnerability and they estimate about   30% the predictability of the development of anxiety disorders is genetic and genetics   also impact which medications are effective if you have genetic makeup then SSRIs might   be helpful then atypical antipsychotics may be more effective   and SSRIs might not do anything which is why a lot of our clients get so frustrated because they know there’s no way to figure out exactly what I guess there is now that there’s genetic testing   out there but up until then it was harder to figure out which medications to start with and   most physicians matter of fact I don’t know of a single physician that starts by   saying well let’s do a genetic profile to see what med to start you out with most we’ll start with events as with an SSRI or some other anti-anxiety medication some sort of Benzo that’s been my experience so we may want to encourage clients to consider genetic   testing if they’re having difficulty finding a medication regime that works for them and they   are feeling like they have to have medication genetic vulnerability also affects what’s going   to make somebody more vulnerable now than all of you in class today you know thinking about sleep you   know sleep may not be a big deal for some of you I know people who can go days or weeks with four   or five hours of sleep and they feel fine it’s not a big deal, not me I need eight or nine hours   of sleep so genetically for whatever reason I am programmed to need a lot of sleep so when I don’t   get that much sleep I tend to be it tends to be harder for me to deal with life on life’s terms   and I know that that makes me more vulnerable to being irritable so genetic vulnerability affects   who can become addicted and affects what medications work best and affects what situations are going   to tend to make somebody more vulnerable to anxiety so our medications and I know the type   on here is small but we’re going to go through the first-line drugs are the SSRIs selective   serotonin reuptake inhibitors and SNRs is selective norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors   now the names are a little bit deceptive because selective norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors also   increase available serotonin but the mechanism of action is different the mechanism of action   for each SSRI is a little bit different as well which is why you can put somebody on Prozac and   they have an awful experience and you can put them on Zoloft and they have a much better experience like I said earlier a lot of the research pre five years ago had been done on medications and Zoloft paxil luvox lexapro celexa and their generics have all been found to be effective   at treating anxiety in certain people no one medication works for everybody in the last five   years effexor has come on the radar and it has been found effective according to the Hamilton rating scale for anxiety so that’s another one to consider if clients are not successful or getting   the treatment effect that they need for on some of the other medications obviously, none of us   probably are prescribers but we do need to educate clients about why the first drug or even the third   drug that the doc tries may not work so they don’t start feeling helpless and hopeless like   I said earlier there are at least four different genetic variations which are correlated with the   development of generalized anxiety disorder and different medications are more or less effective   depending on the genetic makeup of the person there’s a high mortality rate moving on to two   benzos the recommendation has switched to back off from the use of benzos now for   some doctors will prescribe an SSRI and for the first, four weeks while the SSRI is building up   in the system they will also prescribe a Benzo to be taken as needed to moderate the   anxiety and you know you could argue on either side of that, if somebody has a history of substance   use or substance dependence benzos are really a bad idea because they do have a high rate of   dependence but the other reasons that they are now cautioning against the use of benzodiazepines is   that there’s a higher mortality rate among benzo users compared with non-users there’s an increased   risk for dependence with use for more than six months and that’s a long time to be using Benzo and when we’re talking about dependence and six months we’re talking about somebody who uses it   like every four hours or every eight hours depending on your Benzo every single day, not   a PRN user if somebody’s using it at night to help them go to sleep or you know three or four   times a week when the anxiety gets high the risk of dependence is relatively low but a   lot of people with anxiety because if they find the right Benzo makes them feel so much better   they may not want to be off of it and for a lot of people when that benzo reaches its half-life and   starts getting out of the system even more their anxiety spikes you know they have rebound anxiety   which they want to medicate with more benzos that’s gonna be an issue for them to discuss   with their doctor there’s also an increased risk of dementia identified in long-term benzodiazepine   users again this is for the people who use you know throughout the day every day for six months   or relatively every day for six months or more and it doesn’t matter if it’s you know we’re   talking about somebody who’s 65 or somebody who’s 35 who’s been using Benzos for you know   six months a year two years the risk of later life dementia is greatly increased according   to the research benzodiazepines also don’t treat depression okay so if you’ve got somebody who has   concurrent anxiety and depression there’s a much higher suicide risk if they’re on benzodiazepines   so being aware and generally that suicide risk comes from overdosing on benzodiazepines but   not always other treatment options you know if the benzos aren’t something that people want to touch   you know they scare the living daylights out of I SSRIs and SNRIs don’t seem to be working   then tricyclic antidepressants can be tried on those your older generation antidepressant seroquel   is used a lot and there are some there’s some research that shows it can be effective   with anxiety like some of the antidepressants and depending on the person the benzos seroquel can   make people very very very sleepy so you know it may not be the side effects of the Seroquel   the weight gain and the fatigue and you know sleepiness may be an unacceptable side effect for   some clients and boosts perón is the third option boost Barone works more like an anti-depressive   serotonin reuptake inhibitor and that it takes you know four weeks or so to kind of build up in   the system studies have shown that there’s really no long-term benefit to taking it but after six months   to eighteen months of use it has been shown to be effective in talking with clients a lot of   clients report that boost bar when they take it doesn’t necessarily help them stop being anxious   like a benzodiazepine does but it helps them not go from zero to 200 in 2.3 seconds it kind of you   know keeps them from having this gush of a freak out reaction every time something goes wrong which   a lot of clients report helps because they feel more stable throughout the day after remission   medication should be continued for six to twelve months and during that last six months first six   months keep it as is last six months you know they say that tapering is best it’s best not   to stop somebody cold turkey on any of these but it’s important for people once they’re   in remission to not just suddenly go okay I feel better I don’t need any of this anymore they need   to work into it and make sure they’ve developed the skills and tools that they need to deal with some of the anxiety that is going to happen in life so physical signs and symptoms   of anxiety may include fatigue irritability muscle tension or muscle aches try laying feeling twitchy   being easily startled trouble sleeping nausea diarrhea irritable bowel syndrome headaches so the   first thing we want to do with clients when we’re talking to them well second thing first thing is   say get a physical let’s rule out physiological causes of this but we can also help clients   look at you know what might be causing these things that you can do to mitigate it what might   be contributing to your fatigue what might be contributing to your irritability and your muscle   tension or your muscle aches I mean let’s look at economics did you recently get a new bed or do you   need to get a new bed what about your desk chair I know you know I get more muscle tension and muscle   achy when I do a lot of mousing because I have deplorable posture being becoming aware of that   helps and then I’m like okay well I know it caused unfortunately, it’s unpleasant but it’s not a   big deal trembling or feeling twitchy you know that can be caused by low blood sugar that can   be caused anxiety that can also be caused by early onset Parkinson’s symptoms you know   there’s you know it can be worst case scenario or it can be something benign so we want   to have people figure out you know when you start trembling or feeling twitchy is there something   that it’s related to you know I know when my son gets excited he’s he just sits there   and you can see him almost shake because he’s so excited about something so we want to have people prevent misidentification we don’t want them to jump to that worst-case scenario we don’t   want them to go onto WebMD and go oh my gosh I’ve got cancer I’ve got this debilitating disease and   I’m going to die in six months probabilistic Lee speaking it’s not gonna happen yes get a doctor’s   opinion I’m certainly not going to tell them it’s all in your head I want them to get an   evaluation but I do want to in the meantime help them think about how likely is   this and other things for headaches and this is one another one of those that can be frustrating   as we get older our eyesight starts to go and you know there was a period there I did fine   and then after I hit 45 my eyesight just started to like steadily and kind of rapidly in my mind   decline so I have to get my eyeglass prescription changed every couple of years and that can cause   headaches so instead of starting to worry about oh my gosh I’ve got a headache all the time   maybe I’ve got a brain tumor you know I know that it’s probably my glasses or I’m grinding my   teeth so other biological interventions that have been evaluated there’s something called   the floatation rest system that reduced environmental stimulation therapy reduces sensory input into   the nervous system through the act of floating supine which is on your back in a pool of water   saturated with Epsom salt you know I’m looking at this going sounds good and you can’t   quite get the same experience in a bathtub because you’re not floating you’ve got pressure points and   you’re still hearing stuff clients can sort of simulate it with you know earplugs or whatever   but it’s if they can access this it’s been shown to be effective the float experience is   calibrated so that sensory signals from visual auditory olfactory gustatory thermal tactile or   tactile vestibular gravitational and preceptive channels are minimized which means you don’t see   here taste touch smell feel anything as is most movement and speech so you want people to lay just   like completely motionless and not talk which can be hard for some people with anxiety in the study   the study I looked at fifty participants reported significant reductions in stress muscle   tension pain depression and negative effects and it was accompanied by significant improvement in mood   characterized by increases in relaxation happiness and well-being I read the study I’m like where can   I sign up you know it sounds in looking at some of the research this was more effective for   addressing anxiety than something like a massage Tai Chi also produced significant reductions in   anxiety there was approximately a 20% treatment effect 25% treatment effect in patients with   anxiety and fibromyalgia who practiced twice a week for a year now you know we want to look at   the confounding things here is it the Tai Chi itself or is it learning to control the muscles   and becoming more in tune with your body and learning to control your breathing helps   people reduce their anxiety either way you know Tai Chi helps people do that and it was shown that   after a year after the first six months, there was a significant treatment effect but after a year   you know it kept growing and after a year it was about 25% so Tai Chi can be effective acupuncture at the HT 7 median Meridian can attenuate anxiety-like behavior induced by   withdrawal from chronic morphine treatment through the meditation of the GABA receptor system   what does that mean that means if you if the acupuncture is done in very certain places the anxiety behavior the GABA a receptor system GABA is your main calming relaxation   neurochemical that is triggered and causes your body to sort of flood that receptor system and   this research was done on people who were detoxing from morphine treatment but we can look at   generalizing the results and I would be interested to see further studies on it pain other things we   need to do to help people with anxiety when people are in chronic pain they often have anxiety that   oh my gosh this is getting worse or It’s never gonna get better or I just can’t take this pain   anymore or they may get anxious that they’re going to be rejected because they can’t do some of the   things they used to do because they’re in so much pain so there’s a lot of guilt and anxiety that   can kind of revolve around pain what can we do to help clients guided imagery is generally very   helpful if we can help them imagine you know if that pain in their shoulder imagine the pain is   like the color red flowing out of their arm or other focus mindfulness so you know when you   think about something you know when you get a shot if I don’t think about it it doesn’t hurt near as   much as if the nurse says okay now one two three and you know she’s counting down and I’m getting   prepared and I’m focused on it I had another nurse one time who she was just talking   to me and you know put the alcohol on my arm and just kept on talking and didn’t tell me she was   getting ready to give me a shot and before I knew it she had given me a shot and she was like okay   we’re done I’m like you didn’t give me a shot yet she said yes I did it’s like oh so not focusing   on it and next time you have an itch for example if you’ve ever been driving on the interstate and   you can reach on your foot I get those on the bottom of my foot sometimes and I’m like okay   I’m not going to pull over to each my foot if you focus on something besides the itch eventually, it   goes away I’m not saying the pain is gonna completely go away but the more people focus on it the more   it hurts physical therapy can help so encourage them to get a referral and encourage them to do a   self-evaluation if nothing else of ergonomics in their car at work where they watch TV and spend   most of their time at home and they’re sleeping so those are the four places that they spend most   of their time what do their ergonomics look like and that can help a lot of people mitigate   a lot of pain hormones are another thing that we need to look at imbalances of estrogen and   testosterone can contribute to anxiety symptoms heart palpitations fatigue irritability having   people get a physical we can’t as clinicians do anything about it but doctors can rapid heart   weight rate sweating palpitations are not uncommon in women in perimenopause or menopause so a lot   of women start feeling like they’re developing generalized anxiety and/or something’s going wrong   when they start reaching that mid-40s to mid-50s area and they start having some of these symptoms   again we’re not going to diagnose it but we do want them to recognize that it may not be anything   you know is catastrophic this is something that a a lot of women experience and help them figure out   how to deal with that supportive care biologically now you know this isn’t gonna treat anything but   we can help them minimize their vulnerabilities help them create a sleep routine so their brain   and body can rebalance this can help repair any adrenal issues that may be going on and improve   energy levels people with anxiety don’t sleep well so helping them figure out how to get some quality   sleep is important nutrition minimizing caffeine and other stimulants are going to be a big help   because those make people feel anxious and encourage them to work with a nutritionist to try to prevent   spikes and drops in blood sugar which can trigger the stress response when your blood sugar goes way   up or way down you can start getting kind of shaky and feel weird and that can cause people anxiety   because they might think oh my gosh I’m having a stroke or a heart attack or you know I don’t know   what these tremors are so it’s important that they don’t miss identify symptoms and encourage   them to drink enough water dehydration can lead to toxic Ardea which is increased heart rate   sunlight vitamin D deficiency is implicated in both depression and anxiety mood issues   vitamin D has been found in those main areas where serotonin receptors are found vitamin D receptors   are found so we know the serotonin and vitamin D have something going on sunlight prompts the skin   to tell the brain to produce neurotransmitters and set circadian rhythms which impact the release of   serotonin your calming neurochemical melatonin which is made from breaking down serotonin and helps you sleep and gaba so sunlight actually helps increase the release of GABA when it’s   time to start calming down and going to sleep exercise studies have shown that exercise can   have a relaxing effect and encourage clients to start slowly there’s not a whole lot of new research   on exercise and anxiety aromatherapy has been used a lot, especially in other countries in   the treatment of people with anxiety people with hospital anxiety people women who are giving birth   and they have some birth anxiety there they’ve been found to be effective in a lot of   those studies essential oils for anxiety include lavender rose Bedevere ylang ylang bergamot   chamomile frankincense and Clary sage encourage clients to just go to a health food store and   you know sniff some of these and see if it makes them feel happy and calm and content the aromatherapy   molecules enter the nasal membranes and they will start triggering neurochemical reactions   and so you don’t need to apply it you don’t need to ingest it all you need to do is so encourage   clients if they’re open to it to think about this because aromatherapy can be integrated into their bedroom for example with an atomizer or a Mr. It can be incorporated in a lot of different places   again where they’re not applying it or ingesting it in any way all they’re doing is smelling it   they’ve used it in defusing aromatherapy in hospital emergency rooms and they found that it   reduces stress and irritability the people in emergency rooms and I’ve been to enough emergency   rooms over the years to know that people who are in ers typically are not in the   best mood so if it can help those people then it’s probably going to have some sort of an   effect so psychologically helping clients realize that their body thinks there’s a threat for some   reason that’s why it triggered the threat response system which is what they call anxiety so they   need to figure out why is there a threat you know sometimes it’s like the fire alarm going   off in my house it just means that the windows are open and there’s a strong breeze there is no fire   there is no problem there’s just a malfunction it’s a false alarm a lot of times clients get this threat reaction they get this stress reaction and it’s not a big deal right now so they   can start modifying what their brain responds to and again those basic fears that a lot of people   worry about failure rejection loss of control the unknown and death and loss distress tolerance is   one of those cognitive interventions that have taken center stage in anxiety research and   it isn’t about controlling your anxiety you know helping people recognize their anxiety acknowledge   it and say okay I’m anxious it is what it is how can I improve the next moment instead of   saying I’m anxious I shouldn’t be anxious I hate being anxious and slang with that anxiety let it   go just accept it is what it is have the client learn to start saying I am feeling anxious okay so distracted don’t react because I explain to them the whole notion of feelings comes in the crest and goes out   in about 20 minutes it’s like a wave so once they acknowledge their feeling if they can distract   themselves for twenty or thirty minutes you know they figured out there was no real threat if they can distract themselves for twenty or thirty minutes those emotions can go down and then   they can deal with it in their wise mind and encourage them to use distancing techniques instead of   saying I am anxious or I am terrified or whatever have them say I am having the thought that this   is the worst thing in the world I am having the thought that I cannot handle this because thoughts   come and go and that comes from acceptance and commitment therapy functional analysis makes it   possible to specify where and when with what frequency with what intensity and under what circumstances   the anxious response is triggered so it’s important that we help clients develop the   ability to do functional analyses on their own so when they start feeling anxious they can stop and   say okay where am I what’s going on how intense is it what are the circumstances and they start trying to figure out what causes this for them so they can identify any common themes from   their psychoeducation about cognitive distortions and techniques to prevent those circumstances or   mitigate them can be provided so if the client knows that they get anxious before they go into   a meeting with their boss and it’s usually a high the intensity of anxiety okay so we can educate them and help them identify what fears that may be related to techniques to slow their breathing and calm   their stress reaction and help them figure out times in the past when they’ve handled going in   and talking to their boss and it wasn’t the end of the world you know there’s lots of   different things we can do there for them there but the first key and it gives them a lot of   a huge sense of empowerment to start becoming detectives in their own life and going okay now   under what situations does this happen positive writing this was another cool study each   day for 30 days the experimental group and this was high school-aged youth in China but you know   the experimental group engaged in 20 minutes of writing about positive emotions they felt that   day so they’re writing about anything positive that make them happy that made them enthusiastic gave them hope whatever long-term expressive writing positive emotions so after 30 days it   appeared to help reduce test anxiety by helping them develop insight and use positive emotion   words so it got them out of the habit of using the destruction and doom words and encouraged them   to get in the habit of looking at the positive things and being more optimistic it’s a cool activity that clients can try it’s not gonna hurt anything if you have them journal each day   for 30 days mindfulness also came up in the research and was shown to be effective in   a meta-analysis of six articles about mindfulness based stress reduction four about mindfulness-based cognitive therapy and three about fear of negative appraisal and emotion regulation were   reviewed all of these showed that mindfulness was an effective strategy for the treatment of   mood and anxiety disorders and is an effective in therapy protocols with different structures   including virtual modalities so you know if you’re doing it via teleconference mindfulness can still   be helpful mindfulness helps people start learning how to observe what’s going on and become aware of   what’s going on more aware of those circumstances which will help them complete their functional   analysis but it also helps them become aware of vulnerabilities and head off things in the past   and if they’re taking better care of themselves that they’re living more mindfully then they may   not experience as many situations that trigger their anxiety mindfulness also encourages clients   to learn acceptance that radical acceptance of it is what it is I’m not gonna fight it I’m angry   right now I am anxious right now however I’m feeling right now is how I feel and that’s okay it’s hard for clients to get to that but once they get a hold of that and they truly believe it   and they can say all right it’s fine I’m not gonna feel this way forever I’m gonna do something else   until the feeling passes it helps and that’s where the labeling and letting go comes in mindfulness   can also help them identify trigger thoughts what thought were you having right before you   started feeling anxious if people are mindful or let’s start back when people are not mindful they   often notice or don’t notice that they’re getting anxious until they’re like super anxious   when people are mindful they become more aware of subtle cues address unhelpful thoughts when they   say or believe it’s a dire necessity for adults to be loved by significant others for almost   everything they do always running gonna happen why is it a necessity what we can encourage them   to do is concentrate on their self-respect on winning approval for practical purposes you   know for promotions or whatever but it’s not about me being lovable it’s about me getting a promotion   and making more money and focusing on loving rather than being loved because when we give   love we generally get love back with unhelpful thought number two people feel they aren’t able to stand   it if things are not the way they want them to be or are not in their control so encourage clients   to focus on the parts that are in their control and other things in life which are going well and   to which they’re committed number three misery is invariably externally caused and is forced   on us by outside people and events just by reading that makes me feel disempowered so encouraging   clients to focus on the fact that reactions such as misery or happiness are largely caused by the   view that people take of the conditions so if you see it as a tragedy and devastating then   it’s probably going to produce misery if you see it as an opportunity and a challenge it’s   probably going to produce a different emotional reaction if something is or may be dangerous or   fearsome people should be upset and endlessly upset about obsessing about it a lot of   people with anxiety get stuck on this you know if I feel like it’s fearsome I need to worry about   it getting on a plane for example if I fear that that’s dangerous that I need to think about it   and worry about it that’s not going to do any good so encourage clients to figure out how to   face it and render it harmless if possible and when that’s not possible accept the inevitable   so looking at airplanes you know facing it means researching to figure out how dangerous   is it really and realizing that it’s not that dangerous so that helps render it a little   bit harmless in their mind it proves to them that it’s not as dangerous as it could be and when   it’s not possible accepting the inevitable you know you got a fly so getting on there figuring   out how you’re gonna get through it hurricanes are the same way people especially in places   like Texas Louisiana Florida may obsess as soon as it starts coming to hurricane season or if a   hurricane is spotted out in the Atlantic somewhere they start checking the weather every hour or more   wondering what the path is going to be and you know what there’s you can’t change the path of the   hurricane so all you can do is board up your house evacuate if necessary and deal with the fallout child driving is just another example I’ll give you know my children are learning how to drive and   that’s kind of scary and fearsome you know what’s gonna happen when they’re out there you know you   see crashes all the time well render it harmless by making sure they’ve got good training on how   to drive make sure they’re good drivers and then accepting that some things are just not within   my control it’s easier to avoid than face life difficulties and responsibilities Well running   from fear is usually much harder in the long run so encourage clients to look back at times when they’ve avoided difficulties and responsibilities and the eventual outcome you know what happened   there people believe they should be thoroughly competent in achieving in all possible respects   or they will be isolated rejected and failures we need to encourage clients to accept themselves as   imperfect with human limitations and flaws and focus on what makes them loveable human being   what qualities like courage and intelligence and creativity and those things that can’t be taken   away what inherent qualities do they have that make them awesome people because something once   strongly affected people’s lives they should indefinitely fear it if you got lost you know   when little kids get lost it’s terrifying when you’re grown up if you get lost you turn on the   GPS and you figure out your way but some people still, you know freaked out about getting lost if   they got lost once so we want to help people look back at past episodes that may be contributing to   the current anxiety and compare the situation’s you know are you the same person or is this not   a big deal now that you’re older wiser stronger encourage them to learn from past experiences   but not be overly attached to or prejudiced by them yeah you could have maybe got lost in the   past and it was a horrible experience well you were six I can see where that would be terrifying   and a horrible experience but it doesn’t have to continue to impact you that way now when you’re   you know 26 getting lost you know could be an opportunity to try a new restaurant or something   people must have complete control over things well this doesn’t happen so encourage clients   to remember that the past and the future are uncontrollable we can’t change the past it is what   it is we can learn from it so it doesn’t repeat but we can’t change it and the future is largely   uncontrollable I mean there are a lot of things I can do to stay moving toward a rich and meaningful   life but life is going to throw me curveballs sometimes and there’s nothing I can do to plan for   or control that we can control our actions in the present to stay on our preferred path and general   develop general skills to deal with adversity should it arise so we want to help clients   develop those general problem-solving skills and the general support system so when they are thrown   a curveball you know it doesn’t knock them upside the head people have virtually no control over   their emotions and cannot help feeling disturbed by things well encourage them to think about the   fact that they have real control over destructive emotions if they choose to work at improving the   next moment and changing inaccurate thoughts then they’re not going to experience the destructive   emotions as intensely or as frequently when you feel an emotion you feel how you feel but again   you don’t have to wrestle with it fight it and nurture it you can say this is how I feel how   do I improve the next moment when it comes to cognitive distortions encourage them to find   alternatives when they start to personalize things if somebody laughs when you walk out of the room   then the and the person starts getting anxious thinking oh they were making fun of me I wonder   what they thought I wonder if I had something stuck to the back of my dress and they start   getting all panicked about it that doesn’t do any good encouraging them to think you know what   our three alternate explanations that hadn’t but had nothing to do with you for why they laughed   magnification of the worst thing you know taking something and saying if this happens then it’s   going to be a catastrophe and minimization going along with that a lot of times when people magnify   and see a catastrophe they minimize not only their strengths and resources but all the   other stuff that they’ve got going for them all they’re seeing is this catastrophe so encouraging   them to focus on the facts of what is actually happening and what is the high probability   event and encourage them to get information and look at the broader picture you know yes you   got into a car crash and your car is totaled and that is unfortunate you know it sucks but   you know that is not going to cause you to lose your job and then become homeless and penniless   and yadda-yadda it might cause your insurance to go up but okay so you don’t have a car but what   are the resources that you have who can Who do you work with that might be able to give you a   ride to work you know let’s look at the resources you have and work around so problem-solving helps   with magnification and also focusing on you know let’s be grateful for what didn’t happen you know   you could have been killed but you weren’t the car was totaled it’s replaceable all or nothing   thinking again have them think about what else could have been happening like Brittney suggested   finding the exceptions instead of saying she always does this look for exceptions when has   she not done that what else has she done instead of this selective abstraction and filtering is   when people look for the good the bad and the ugly a selective abstraction means you kind of   see what you expect to see so if you expect something to be devastating you see only the   devastating aspects of it which kind of goes with the magnification and minimization you filter out   the stuff a lot of times when people are in a bad mood or are anxious they see the negative because   that’s the state of mind they’re in so encouraging people to complete the picture alright there’s   all this bad stuff now what’s the good stuff you know to encourage them to look at the good the bad   and the ugly so they get a wide view of exactly what’s going on and encourage them to remember   that hindsight is twenty-twenty when people have something embarrassing happens or they get anxious   about something that happened they look back and they go I should have or I could have or Oh I   wish I wouldn’t have when you were in that situation you did what you did and you know   maybe you may have had a reason for it or you know you may have not had other options or it may have   just been a bonehead thing to do but okay so you made one mistake hindsight is 2020 that’s gonna   that mistake is gonna stand out just like the great big letter on the eye chart because you’re   thinking back and you’re looking at it and that’s all you see but encouraging clients to remember   that other people are too busy worrying about themselves to remember what they did jumping   to conclusions encourages clients to remember to get all the data if your significant other male   significant other comes home and is smelling like perfume don’t just jump to the conclusion that he   was cheating on you maybe he went to the mall to get a new tie and walked through the   perfume area and got spritzed or bought you some perfume or who knows maybe the person sitting next   to him at work sprayed her perfume on the desk and some of it filtered on there are all different   reasons that that might happen so encourage people to get all the data mind reading we can’t do it   you know you can’t read somebody’s mind you don’t know what they’re thinking so ask them what you think about this don’t assume anything and emotional reasoning encourages people to step back   from a situation and ask themselves am I feeling anxious about this because I’m feeling anxious and   I’m looking for reasons that it should be scary or am I feeling anxious about this because it’s   really scary for some reason there are facts support my anxiety a lot of times when we go into   new situations we may feel anxious because it’s a new situation but when we step back we say you   know what there’s nothing to be worried about here you know no big deal I got this and   move on so instead of rolling with it and trying to figure out okay I feel anxious so there must   be a reason not necessarily very likely a false alarm other psychological interventions relaxation   skills encourage people to learn how to relax not only physically but mentally diaphragmatic   breathing helps encourage them to breathe through their stomach and put their hand on their   belly and feel their belly expand and contract slows breathing down which triggers the rest and digestion reaction in the brain which is calming meditation can be helpful for some people some   people find trying to quiet their minds too frustrating because they’ve got too much   monkey mind going on that can be later or maybe never for some people we don’t want to increase   their anxiety with interventions cute progressive muscular relaxation also has a lot of research   support and remembers with cute progressive muscular relaxation we’re Sakura getting them   to attach a cue AK you word like relax or breathe with the relaxation response so they tense their   muscles and then relax their muscles and as they relax their muscles they say their “querk”-word   like relaxed and they work from head to toe or from toe to head tensing and relaxing different   muscle groups so they become more aware of what a tense muscle feels like versus a reactive relaxed   muscle there are great scripts that are online that people have already recorded that can walk   people walk clients through CPM are I highly encourage it because once they get used to it   then they can just think that cue they can think relax and as they exhale they will start to feel   their entire body kind of relaxing because it’s trained when it hears that just like when you hear   the word pop quiz when you were in high school you had a stress reaction well we want to use   it in reverse and train the body so that when it hears a cue word relaxes helps them develop   self-esteem because fear of failure and rejection a lot of times come from needing other people’s   approval to help them develop a rational idea of their real self develops compassion self-talk   instead of saying I’m an idiot or I’m stupid or I’ll never measure up to anything encourage them   to talk to themself like they would talk to their child or hopefully their best friend and encourage   them to spotlight strengths whenever they feel like they’ve got an imperfection to identify these   three strengths that they have so they’re you know balancing out the imperfections and the strengths of cognitive restructuring reframes challenges in terms of current strengths, not past weaknesses   so if you’re going to give a presentation in front of 60 people and you hate public speaking instead   of thinking about you know this is terrifying because the last time I went up in front of people   I forgot everything I was going to say and drop my note cards well that’s a past weakness what   is your current strength you’re prepared you know the material you Jabba-dada so encourages people   to look at all the strengths and resources they currently have them develop an attitude of   gratitude and optimism because like I said with that the positive writing exercise when people   are in a grateful optimistic frame of mind they tend to see more of the good stuff they see the   bad stuff too but they can also see more of the good stuff and some of the bad stuff they see   opportunistically instead of as a devastation acceptance and commitment therapy says that some of the reasons that we’re miserable are fear we get fused with our thoughts we think I   am terrified well if I am terrified then I can’t I mean if I am I can’t get rid of anything I am   if I’m having the thought that I’m terrified well I can get rid of a thought I can forget   things easily encourage people to evaluate their experience and empower them to look at things as   challenges and opportunities instead of hardships encourage them not to avoid their experiences so   things that are scary gradual exposure and finding exceptions like for me bridges you   know I love public speaking so that’s not a thing but when I go to a bridge you know when   I Drive to the bridge you know when I’m on the bridge somebody else is driving I get used to   doing that when I Drive over a bridge than when I Drive over one of those bridges that opens up   I hate those bridges um I know y’all are just like oh my gosh yeah it’s an irrational fear I realize   that but instead of going straight for the bridge that opens up going for the little bridges first   and then thinking back over times that I’ve gone over bridges and there’s been no problem you know there are exceptions nothing happened it wasn’t a big deal Sometimes I didn’t even notice it until   somebody pointed out hey look down there at that pretty water and I’m like oh we’re on a bridge so   encourage people to not avoid their experiences get used to them embrace them and learn that they   have the power to deal with them and stop reason giving for behavior you know use the challenging   questions if something is fearsome let’s look for at the evidence for and against it instead   of you know making excuses for social interventions improve their relationship with their self which   goes with self-esteem improvement people are going to feel less anxious about getting their needs and   wants to be met if they know what their needs and wants are so part of that is becoming mindful cuz a lot   of our clients don’t know what they need and want they just want to feel better but they don’t   know how they don’t know what they need to feel better so helping them identify their needs and   wants to encourage them to be their own best friend you know when they get a promotion take themselves   out to dinner pat themselves on the back whatever it is don’t rely onother people to do it because   other people it’s not that they don’t care but other people are often very involved in thinking   about their stuff and they may not notice encourage them to develop a method of internal   validation so they can feel like they are all that ‘no bag of chips and they realize why they   are lovable human beings and they accept the the fact that everybody is not going to like them   and nobody is gonna like them all the time and that’s okay you know my kids don’t like me all   the time my husband doesn’t like me all the time I’m okay with that I know I can be challenging but   you know most of the time you know they like me and that’s okay and there are some people you   know who don’t like me at all and okay there’s nothing I can do about that helping our clients   develop an okayness with that helps relieve a lot of anxiety because a lot of people feel like they   have to be liked by everybody and if somebody doesn’t like them it’s like what did I do wrong   oh my gosh encourage them to develop healthy supportive relationships with good boundaries   develop assertiveness skills so they can ask for help when they need it anxiety a lot of times you   know that’s the body saying there’s a threat well if there’s a threat maybe you need some help you   know dealing with it so people need to be willing and able to ask for help and not feel like that’s   going to lead them to be rejected and allow them a certify this will allow them to say no to requests   again without feeling like that’s going to result in them being fully rejected describe the ideal   healthy supportive relationship and encourage them to separate the ideals from the reals you   know let’s look at if you had the best relationship what would it look like okay you know Warden June   Cleaver we got that now how realistic is that you know let’s look at you know rephrasing this   a little bit so it’s less extreme you know warden June Cleaver never fought their kids were perfect   you know all those extreme words let’s look at what’s real what happens in real relationships encourages people to identify who would be a good partner in supportive relationships   I’m not meaning necessarily romantic I’m meaning friends and where they can be found you know where   would you find people that you could be friends with and encourage them to play through what it means when gaming cuz a lot of times again this goes with my reading you know what it means when your friend doesn’t return your text right away what does it mean when your friend cancels   dinner on Friday night what does it mean when you see where I’m going with this and a lot of   times clients with anxiety and rejection issues and low self-esteem will go to the worst-case   scenario so encourage them to go back to finding the exceptions what else could have been happening   what else could it be that caused this and it’s not about you so anxiety is a natural emotion that   serves a survival function excessive anxiety can develop from lack of sleep nutritional problems   neurochemical imbalances failure to develop adequate coping skills cognitive distortions low   self-esteem and a variety of other stuff recovery Ambala involves improving health behaviors making sure your body’s functioning and making the neurotransmitters it needs and you know release   them as needed to identify and build on current coping strategies address cognitive distortions   and develop a healthy supportive relationship with self and others if you enjoy this podcast please   like and subscribe either in your podcast player or on youtube, you can attend and participate in our live webinars with Dr.  Snipes by subscribing at all CEUs comm slash counselor toolbox, this   episode has been brought to you in part by all CEUs calmly provide 24/7 multimedia continuing   education and pre-certification training to counselors therapists and nurses since 2006 have used coupon code consular toolbox to get a 20% discount on your order this month.As found on YouTubeBrain Booster | Blue Heron Health News ⇝ I was losing my memory, focus – and mind! And then… I got it all back again. Case study: OIP-73 Brian Thompson There’s nothing more terrifying than watching your brain health fail. You can feel it… but you can’t stop it. Over and over I asked myself, where is this going to end? What am I going to end up like? And nobody could tell me. Doesn’t matter now. I’m over it. Completely well. This is how I did it!

10 Things Depression Makes Us Do

 Depression affects many of us around the globe. According to the World Health Organization, 300 million people of all ages battle with it Depression is a sneaky mental disorder. It’s difficult to catch during the early stages. Most of us realize we have depression when we are deep in the grips of it. Those with this mental disorder feel hopeless, empty or sad, fatigued, irritable, and restless. Depression not only takes your motivation away, but you can have problems concentrating and making decisions. Those of us with this disorder can act in ways that will worsen the situation. Here’s a list of 10 things depression makes you do. 1. Isolating yourself. Individuals with depression isolate themselves for different reasons. Some will keep to themselves because they feel overwhelmed socializing, and others believe it’s better to be alone. In other cases, the person may feel so much self-hatred that they prefer to not interact with people. Those with severe depression may even stay in their house for weeks. 2. Being disorganized. Depression leaves you feeling exhausted, so cleaning a room or home becomes an endeavor. Dirty dishes and clothes start piling up while your garbage is overflowing the trash. It becomes an even bigger a physical challenge to walk around your room because everything is on the floor. Living in a cluttered place leaves you feeling uneasy, but the lack of energy doesn’t help. 3. Poor hygiene. Depression zaps all your energy. It’s difficult enough to get out of bed, so showering, brushing your teeth, washing your hair and taking care of your body, it goes out the window. Those without depression may see this behavior as lazy, but the truth is, showering or changing into clean clothes is exhausting and painful at times. 4. Struggling with sleep. Depression affects your sleeping schedule, some of you may stay up and sleep very little. It keeps you up with your intrusive unwanted thoughts. These may end up making you feel anxious all through the night. In other cases, some of you will sleep excessively and still feel unrested. 5. Catastrophizing every situation. Depression plays tricks on your mind, making you believe negative things. It can get to a point where you’re constantly looking out for bad things to reassure your pessimistic thinking. Every time something bad happens, you use it as evidence to prove how bad life is. This slippery slope makes it difficult to see life under a brighter light. 6. Terrible eating habits. Those with depression will either eat too much or hardly anything at all. Some of you may find yourself in the kitchen eating everything in side, trying to eat away the emptiness or sadness you’re feeling while others don’t have an appetite and may even feel disgusted by food. In other cases, some of you may feel so exhausted that that thought of preparing a meal is overwhelming. 7. Lack of motivation. Depression steals your interests and desires right from under you. Your favorite pastimes and hobbies no longer satisfy you, slowly you find yourself feeling dead and numb inside. If you aren’t careful you’ll end up staying in bed all day. 8. Evading your problems. Depression by itself is overwhelming, you can feel devastated and out of control most days, so trying to face situations and problems head-on is difficult enough. Instead you ignore or set the problem aside, and this in turn can bring trouble because it will continue to pile up. 9. Feeling guilty and feeling self-hatred. If you allow depression to take over your thoughts, then you’ll most likely feel self-hatred. You’ll continue to talk down to yourself and this often leads to the development of self-esteem issues along with poor self-image, eventually you’ll believe you aren’t worth it anymore. Some people with this mental disorder can even feel guilt by thinking all their problems are their fault. And 10: living in fear. People with depression fear that terrible things will happen to them. In severe cases, some of you will sabotage a good situation, believing that it will turn bad. Other times individuals will reject opportunities and stop pursuing their dreams. It’s a twisted way to protect yourself because this prevents you from living and achieving amazing things. Depression affects us in different ways. The list mentioned in this video contains some of the common behaviors those with the disorder have. Do you agree with these points? What other behaviors have you noticed? Let us know in the comment section below. <3.As found on YouTubeBrain Booster | Blue Heron Health News ⇝ I was losing my memory, focus – and mind! And then… I got it all back again. Case study: OIP-73 Brian Thompson There’s nothing more terrifying than watching your brain health fail. You can feel it… but you can’t stop it. Over and over I asked myself, where is this going to end? What am I going to end up like? And nobody could tell me. Doesn’t matter now. I’m over it. Completely well. This is how I did it!

Addressing Negative Thoughts | Cognitive Behavioral Therapy with Dawn Elise Snipes

 CEUs are available at AllCEUs.com/CBT-CEU This episode was pre-recorded as part of a live continuing education webinar. On demand CEUs are still available for this presentation through ALLCEUs. ALLCEUs.com/CBT-CEU I’d like to welcome everybody today to cognitive behavioral therapy addressing negative thoughts. Now a lot of us took courses and cognitive behavioral therapy we’ve worked with CBP for many many years so some of the this is just going to be a refresher and others you know you may pick up a few new tips or tools as we go along so we’re going to define cognitive behavioral therapy and its basic principles just get a really basic refresher on what was that original CDP about well identify factors impacting people’s choices behaviors because you know they always have a choice we’ll explore causes and the impact of thinking errors whether you call them cognitive distortions irrational thoughts or when I work with my clients I try to call them unhelpful beliefs or unhelpful thoughts because distortions and irrational seems sort of pejorative to me so I try to avoid those words as much as possible and help clients see them as not incorrect necessarily but unhelpful and then we’ll identify some common thinking errors and their relationship to cognitive distortions and some of our just very basic fears why do we care well because cognitive distortions or irrational thoughts or unhelpful thoughts whatever you want to say really impacts people on a physical level a mental level and an emotional level a person who perceives the world is hostile unsafe and unpredictable will tend to be more hyper vigilant until they exhaust the stress response system so think about you know a bottle ship and you’ve got a bunch of new people on this battleship and all the sailors every time there’s the least little thing they send off the all-hands-on-deck so a big bird flies over and I mean literally a bird and they freak out found me all hands on deck and this goes on for a week or two or six months you know let’s think about our clients they don’t usually come in right away where everything is set to OFF that startle response everything sets off that fight-or-flight response the staff starts to get exhausted all the rest of the sailors that have to drop everything and run to their battle stations after a little while they’re like really no no we just we can’t even do this and it also reminds me of the boy who cried wolf anyhow I digress sticking with the battleship metaphor so eventually the captain says you know what let’s retrain on what is worth setting off the all hands on deck because everybody here is exhausted and nobody’s even really responding anymore when they come to their battle stations they’re just kind of dragging their butts in like whatever it’s probably another false alarm the same sort of thing is true with us when we’re on on high alert for too long our brain says you know what we got to conserve some energy in case some really really big threat comes along so it turns down what I call the stress response system it turns down the sensitivity so you don’t get alerted for every little thing that would cause you stress but you also don’t get alerted for those little things that would cause you happiness either anything that would cause the excitatory neurotransmitters to be secreted you’re just not getting those anymore which a lot of people kind of refer to as depression it’s just kind of like the F whatever and only the biggest most notable things actually cause an emotional effect we don’t want people to get to that point that’s no way to live so we need to help them learn how to sort of retrain their spotters to figure out what is actually stressful a person who perceives the world is generally good and believe they have the ability to deal with challenges as they arise will be able to allow their stress response system to function normally there are going to be times you have all hands on deck whether it’s a real emergency or whether it’s just a drill but it will happen and they can go they can you know do what they’re going to do they have that adrenaline rush they have the energy and the focus to do their jobs and when it’s over they go back to their quarters they can relax refresh you know just kind of chill for a while and then there’s a low where their body rebalances before the next one and this is kind of what we want in life I mean ideally we wouldn’t have super high peaks very often but we want to make sure we give our body time to rebalance after there’s a stressor and not have to stand on on edge not be hyper vigilant constantly just waiting for the next one to come along so what is the impact of these thinking errors well whenever we have that stress response system activated the body is saying we either need to fight or we need to flee so you’re dumping all kinds of adrenaline and other neuro chemicals so there’s anxiety there can be stress when people start having this reaction you know they start having muscle tension sweating heart rate increases breathing increases people will call that anxiety some will label that as anger either way they’re both sides of the same coin they need to do something but if it lasts too long then we start moving into depression and they just they don’t have to get up and go anymore there’s just not any excitatory neurotransmitters really left they need some time to rest and rebalance behaviorally think about it if you go somewhere and you are just constantly on guard are you going to keep going there or are you going to withdraw so people who have a lot of thinking errors unhelpful thoughts tend to withdraw more they may turn to addictions to kind of numb or blunt some of the inputs sleep problems and changes when you are hyper vigilant when you have this stress response going even if it’s not a full-bore if it’s still there somewhat if you’re stressed out you’re not going to sleep as well you’re going to maintain higher levels of cortisol so you’re not going to get that restful rejuvenating sleep you may kind of goes on and off eating changes you know depending on the person some people eat the self food that some people can’t eat it all but we do see that the hormones Guerlain and lets them get all out of whack not under stress but also when sleep gets out of whack when your circadian rhythms get out of whack so we’re starting to see the Cascade effect where it’s emotional and behavioral physical you’ve got stress-related illnesses that start coming up if you’re on that lunch you’ve got muscle tension for that long it starts to hurt I mean you start to get migraines your back starts to hurt wherever you store your stress so to speak it starts to come out and most people when they’re under a lot of stress for an extended period you know a day is not a big deal for most people but for an extended period become more susceptible to illnesses they start getting sick easier headaches GI distress you know some people store their stress right in their gut socially think about the last time you were stressed were you patient and tolerant and just a pleasure to be around you may have tried to be but you’re more prone to irritability and impatience and again wanting to withdraw all of these affects contribute to fatigue and a sense of hopelessness and helplessness which often intensifies thinking errors so you’ll see this negative reciprocal interaction if somebody feels stressed out and overwhelmed and that they withdrawal then they may start feeling like they have no support and they don’t and they lose all their social buffers to the stress so they feel even more stressed so they want to withdrawal even more so we’re going to talk about how to prevent that now I like this little diagram maybe because it’s got a heart in the center I don’t know but behavior feelings and thoughts this is the outside of the circle all three of these impact diecuts each other when you do something it often impacts your feelings and your thoughts about a situation when you when you’re thinking if you think positively you’re probably going to choose more positive behaviors and more have more positive feelings you’re thinking negatively obviously you may choose more of an escape behavior Protection behavior and may have more feelings of anger anxiety depression etc so these things are going on and they’re all interacting the one really cool thing is if you break this chain somewhere or this circuit then you can stop that reciprocal negative downward spiral so cognitive behavioral helps people who are willing to show up or who are willing to address their thoughts not everybody is willing to start addressing their thoughts right away maybe they want to start addressing their sleep problems in their eating problems or something that’s more physical okay that’s fine because anywhere we interrupt this circuit is going to have positive effects assuming the intervention is positive it’s going to have positive effects on the other ones so what about the triangle well yourself so you’re feeling thoughts and behavior impact you it impacts how you feel and you’re like well yeah okay just stay with me but the way you feel think and act impacts your future and it also impacts how you interact with others so you know that kind of affects things because remember social support is a big buffer for us now core beliefs and you can do this inward to outward or outward to inward but either way it comes down to core beliefs if you have positive thoughts and positive feelings and you generally engage in positive behaviors to keep that cycle going you will probably feel pretty good about yourself have good relationships have a somewhat optimistic feeling about the future and your core beliefs may be more like people are generally good I can do this you know very self affirming and other affirming positive core beliefs about yourself in the world now if your thoughts or feelings are negative then you have this negative outer circle you don’t feel so good you start questioning the goodness and Trust ability and dependable of other people you have more of a bleak look in the future so what do you think is going to happen to the core beliefs the core beliefs may change too if someone doesn’t love me I am completely unloveable they may change to being more extreme more negative and more difficult to rectify if you want to have somebody who’s happy I mean you’re not going to have somebody who’s happy who thinks the world is an unkind unpredictable scary place going it’s just wonderful roses today so we have to help people try to adjust eventually start adjusting those core beliefs and when we get into causing that behavior remember the ABCs your automatic but well your automatic thought then your and beliefs are what happened as soon as that event occurs and those you don’t think about that’s why they’re called automatic so when you have the ABCs these core beliefs are those things that pop up that we need to address so what factors affect this and whoops you know there’s a lot of stuff right here and EBP they call them vulnerabilities you know we’re just going to talk about in general different factors that affect the choices our clients make in terms of behaviors so negative emotions if they are not if they’re feeling angry if they’re feeling anxious they’re feeling depressed they’re probably not going to be really motivated to get up and engage in a whole lot of self affirming activities they’re not probably not going to be having a lot of positive self affirming thoughts they’re going to be focused on whatever is causing that distress and maybe escaping from that physically pain and illness when you don’t feel well it’s harder to be Susie sunshine I don’t think many of us are just a barrel of monkeys when we don’t feel well so if our clients have pain this is one of those if you want to put it in behaviors behavioral areas physical areas we can address and have them go see their physician have them go see their physical therapist and get recommendations so they aren’t feeling physically painful physically and distress all the time because physical distress and emotional distress both mess with sleep unfortunately sleep is the first thing to usually go and I’m not talking about quantity I know a lot of clients who when they get depressed they’re in in bed for you know days they’ll get up they’ll maybe shower and you know go back to bed and they’re sleeping a lot but it doesn’t mean it’s quality sleep so what we need to look at is what is the quality of their sleep are they getting that rejuvenation the time for their brain and neural chemicals to rebalance so they can feel happy so they can have that nice balance of all the the neurotransmitters they need to feel happy poor nutrition well no matter how much sleep they get if they don’t have the building blocks to make the neurotransmitters and the hormones that are needed to prompt the feelings the physiological sensations that we’ve labeled happiness or excitement or you know even depression and anxiety those are all caused by different neurotransmitters being secreted in different combinations if your body doesn’t have the building blocks to make those then it doesn’t matter how much sleep you get you’re not going to get any benefit from it an intoxication and this can be uppers downers anything that is psychoactive if you are messing with that neurotransmitter balance you’re going to get it out of whack and you may either use up too much of the excitatory or cause us a lot of it or you may use up too much of the depressant either way there’s usually a rebound effect which we call withdrawal so you’re not going to be in a good space either during the intoxication sometimes but definitely when you’re sobering up there’s a period where there’s going to be negative emotions negative feelings environmentally yeah your environment can even make you grumpy introduction of a new or unique situation some people love new challenges love going to new places other people not so much depending on the person taking on going somewhere new may be really stressful for them so if they’ve already got de-stress going on because of having to go to this new situation then their thoughts may be a little bit more on the anxious side about a lot of things and they may have less patience and tolerance to deal with other stuff that comes their way because they’re already kind of on edge and exposure to unpress you know going places that you just really don’t want to go maybe and one of the places I used to work we had this meeting once a month and it was literally an eight-hour meeting and we would all sit in there for eight hours and one person at a time would get up and give their staff reports or whatever but it tended to be a relatively dreadful sort of environment or eight hours and we all knew we had to be there and that was fine but it was an unprecedented were grumbling on the way in they were getting their coffee and going well I better do this because I’m not getting out for another eight hours we need to help our clients obsess what is it in your environment if anything that is making you already feel grumpy or not as happy and likewise what can you put in your environment to make you feel happier you know I keep pictures of my kids and my animals on my phone that way if I’m having a moment or not sometimes I just like looking at them I can take a look at it it makes me smile and I’m like okay life is good you know this moment may not be so wonderful but it’s just this moment then we move on to stress of a social nature peers or family who convey irrational thoughts as necessary standards for social acceptance nobody wants to associate with those people or nobody’s going to like you when you’re like this or you read if you really want to be successful then you need to change fill in the blank it’s always a something needs to change you are not okay for who you are how you are and a lack of supportive peers to buffer stress because we all have negative people in our life it happens but if you have negative supportive peers that you can call afterwards and go yeah I had just had to meet with someone so for an hour and it was just dreadful and that person can go well I’m sorry or be there make you laugh or whatever they do it helps buffer the stress if you don’t have those positive social supports then you’re left walking out of it you’re kind of feeling shell-shocked and then you also at the same time have to figure out for yourself all right what do I do next now it doesn’t mean you can’t do it you know people do it all the time but it is good it is awesome to have supportive peers to buffer your stress so when cognitive therapy clients learn to distinguish between thoughts and feelings realizing that thoughts will trigger feelings but they don’t have to cause continual feelings and behaviors and feelings can cause certain thoughts but they don’t have to you can unhook from them and you can just say this is how I’m feeling right now now where am I going to go from here and we talked about that on Tuesday with unhooking from unhooking from your thoughts and stepping back and going what is the next logical action to get me to where I want to go become aware of the ways in which the thoughts can influence feelings in ways that are sometimes not helpful being critical being jealous envious maybe you just don’t like somebody and you know there’s a whole lot of reasons for that but you don’t like everybody most people don’t like everyone and so it’s you know that’s okay but recognize how that affects your interactions with that person and your thoughts about that person learn how thoughts that seem to occur automatically affect emotions so recognize start getting down to what are these core beliefs that happen every time it’s a negative incident that make me feel angry or anxious constructively evaluate whether these automatic thoughts and assumptions are accurate or perhaps biased evaluate whether the current reactions are helpful and a good use of energy or unhelpful and a waste of energy that could be used to move toward those people and things important to the person so again back kind of to that ACP sort of thing is this a good use of your energy to help you achieve your goals and be the person you want to be and develop the skills to notice interrupt and correct these biased thoughts independently like I said you don’t always have to call somebody you can do it on your own but sometimes it’s nice to have that buffer in that middle moment so what causes these thinking errors how can we even start helping people address their thoughts and until we start thinking about well what caused them information processing shortcuts as we grow up we learn things you know when you were knee-high to a grasshopper you didn’t have a lot of experience so you learned things but things you learned when you were a kid unfortunately because you were cognitively a child are either our dichotomies they’re all or nothing it’s either this way or no way at all so things that you have things that you learn back when you were a child may not have been challenged if you heard something from your parent maybe your parents said you’re a bad girl or you’re a bad boy it’s all or nothing well I am a bad girl so I guess that means I’m not okay and if I’m not okay right now I’m never okay that can stick with a person so these outdated amis schemas can really trip somebody up once the person gets into you know middle schoolish the thoughts aren’t nearly as dichotomous there’s a lot more formal operational thought if you will but up until then I mean you’ve got a child who’s experiencing a lot of stuff and taking in like a sponge everything they hear and it gets sorted into a yes or a No pile there’s there’s no kind of middle pile that there’s no yes and so what we want to do is help people look at those thoughts now and say okay if they’re all or nothing is there a way to find both and so for example we’ll take that exam scenario I gave you earlier if a child hears you’re a bad girl when they’re young they take that to mean always everything about me is bad I’m unlovable so what is the both and compromise as an adult we can look back and go you know I’m a good person I may not make may make poor choices sometimes I may make bad choices but I’m a good person so there’s that both and you know I’m not perfect but I’m good so that it’s not all or nothing and I encourage my clients to really always look for that middle ground how can it be both or does it have to even be that negative one but most of the time there’s a little bit of something on both sides the brain’s limited information processing capacity and limited responses when children are young you know they hear something you know mom comes in and says you’re a bad girl and child hears I’m totally unlovable and it just crushes the child they don’t have experiences to go moms having a bad day she kind of tends to say things she doesn’t mean when she’s having a bad day it’s just it’s devastating to that child when you’re older if somebody says something that’s not necessarily tactful you know you can look at it and go yeah that really wasn’t nice but that person probably did not intend to be hurtful they may have something else going on children have fewer experiences so what was devastating or overwhelming as a child may not still have have to feel that way when you’re a child if your best friend moved away oh that was devastating it was the end of the world now as an adult you can go visit them you can call them and with the internet and everything you can email them you can still stay in touch so there are ways to do it yeah you can’t go out and swing swing on swings together all the time but it doesn’t have to mean the end of the end of time things will change and there’s a little process of grieving that has to go along with that but to an adult a friend moving away is less devastating than say to a six-year-old your parent being angry with you if you grew up in an alcoholic or addicted household you learn don’t talk don’t trust don’t feel when the parent came in if the parent was angry with you you could have been in a lot of hurt you know there could have been some actual danger to your physical or emotional person so it was scary as a 26 year old or however old your client is is it that threatening you know if your parent gets angry with you you don’t depend on them for food and shelter anymore you don’t have to be an inner household if they were violent towards you so is it as terrifying when your parent gets angry yes there’s lots of issues with wanting acceptance from your parents that’s over here there’s a whole nother issue but when your parent is angry do you have to have that person’s approval when we’re in crisis we don’t process much when you’re in crisis your body is worried about surviving if you’ve been in a car wreck if somebody has gone to the hospital whatever the case is you’re not processing all of the data in order to make it in for decision you’re processing what’s right in front of you because when we’re in crisis we generally have tunnel vision and really crappy memory so if something happened when someone was in crisis that hurt their feelings made them angry you know fill in the blank some sort of dysphoric emotion we want to say well let’s look back at that and see if there’s a pose and let’s look back at that and see if there was something that you missed that might help you understand why this person reacted that way but understanding that in crisis we just generally don’t make the most informed decisions so emotional reasoning helping clients understand that feeling or not facts and helping them learn to identify feelings and separate them from facts so if they say I’m terrified all right so you’re terrified got that about what are you terrified you know tell me what are these things that make you feel like the world is such a scary place and let’s list them on the whiteboard or a flip chart what is the evidence that those are present dangers right now that they’re actually impending threats so tell me about what the evidence is in what ways is this similar to other situations where you felt terrified and how did you deal with those situations I have a friend who actually went this morning on an airplane flight and she hates flying totally terrified of it so what is the evidence that this plane is going to crash you know what is the evidence that it is likely that this plane will crash and there really she’s flying on an american-based commercial airliner there really isn’t any when you look at the proportions so okay there’s there have been a couple of crashes over the past 20 years and in a couple of those there were some fatalities no doubt but looking at the proportions and running the numbers what’s the likelihood in what ways this is similar to other situations that you have felt terrified you know maybe there haven’t been any other situations where she’s flown and gotten through it and been like score I did that but what other situations have you had to get through that you were terrified and how did you deal with those help people develop distress tolerance skills one of the things I told her was when you’re sitting on the airplane and you know the airplane starts up don’t wait til you start getting really stressed necessarily but when we were little on the car when we’re in the car we used to find things on the drive find something that starts with a and everybody would find something that started with a and then find something that starts with B and you know so on and if you couldn’t find something that started with that letter you were out so I mean she’s going on this trip with her kids and I’m like why don’t you try doing that because there are some letters that you’re going to have to work really hard and it’s kind of like the game apples to apples you end up finding something really inane in order to get that letter and you laugh and you’re so busy focusing on that you’re not focusing on all of the things that could possibly maybe go wrong other distress tolerance skills you know you can go through the whole DBT curriculum and learn some of those the biggest thing is if you have to face the terror if you have to go through it figure out a way to not have to focus on it and fight it and go I shouldn’t be afraid I shouldn’t be because that doesn’t work if it worked we wouldn’t be talking about it and develop emotional regulation skills so prevent those vulnerabilities set yourself up so you are as prepared as you can to not feel stressed to not feel anxious she has her spouse with her who can help diffuse some of it she’s got her kids with her she downloaded some movies she’s prepared to endure the distress she’s you know trying to go into it with a positive mindset as much as possible and focusing on the destination which you know is ultimately the reason she’s getting on the plane social causes of stress and thinking errors everybody’s doing it well that’s not true there’s very real that everybody does so correcting misinformation how the client gather objective information about you know if they say well everybody else that I know has succeeded okay well let’s gather objective information about that who do you know and tell me if they’ve succeeded if I want to be liked I must do it this need for approval or low self-esteem can cause a lot of problems in thinking errors and fears of rejection so we say okay let’s look at developing some self-esteem so you don’t need to worry about if somebody likes you what would it be like if you woke up in the morning and you didn’t care if so-and-so liked you I mean we all want to have friends don’t get me wrong I’m not saying you want to be her moving out in the woods but if we’re talking about a particular so-and-so what would it be like in the morning to get up and go you know what if that person messages me today or call us me today that’s great and if not I’m okay with that how liberating would that be to get your power back and how people develop social supports that share their same values and goals at least mostly or at least can respect yours so for example when you know I work with people with co-occurring disorders and they don’t drink and they don’t use drugs so they may be around people family friends who drink if you’re going to be in that situation do you have to drink and can you be around do you have social supports that can be supportive of your choice to not drink doesn’t necessarily mean they’re it’s not going to not going to not drink in front of you but at least they’re not trying to get you to drink so the social causes of irrational thoughts if I want to be liked I must do this why can’t you be like for who you are cognitive bias negativity mental filter focus on the negatives and worry about the future most of us know some people like that most of us have had a moment where we felt like this we’ve just gotten ourselves in a tizzy and spun out of control but you can bring it back so you want to ask yourself or have your clients ask themselves what’s the benefit to focusing on the negative if you know that this is going to go south really fast what’s the benefit to just focusing on that could you focus on alternatives or Plan B’s what are the positives to the situation most people who have mood issues who present to us in counseling don’t focus on both sides yes every side you know has a little bit of negative to it if you really want to look hard enough but every side also has a silver lining if you really want to look hard enough so we need to balance the the positives and the negatives so encourage people to look for the positives in the situation yeah this really sucked but and what are all the facts what are all the things going into it sometimes people will go to work and not know or wonder if they’re going to get laid off because you know you’re not necessarily always guaranteed a job anywhere there can be layoffs but if somebody is going to work every day worried about this focusing on the negative up yep I’m definitely going to be the one that’s going to get the pink slip and they go to their mailbox each time looking for that pink slip expecting it to be there how is that going to affect their mood as opposed to alright there may be layoffs coming what can I do to make myself really valuable or and what are my options if I do get laid off let’s make a plan B and C so I don’t just feel like the rug was pulled out from under me coin toss activity if somebody tends to be stuck in negativity have them flip a coin every morning if it lands on heads they can just see their normal selves to their heart’s content if it lands on tails they need to act as if they are a happy positive optimistic maybe even a noxious ly optimistic person for the entire day you know we want them to be farting rainbows and when I say that they usually look at me and laugh and but that’s okay I’m like every time you start having a negative thought I want you to see a unicorn farting rainbows and take it from there and then have them process how they felt at the end of the day if they weren’t constantly focused on negativity and worrying and only seeing the bad stuff disqualifying or minimizing the positive if something happens when somebody says well I just got that promotion because they didn’t have anybody else to give it to okay if your best friend just got a promotion would you say that to them what is scary about accepting the positive about accepting the fact that maybe you got the promotion because you’re awesome sometimes we disqualify the positive because it fails to meet someone else’s standards so might that be true here you know maybe you got this promotion and you’re actually down deep down inside kind of proud of it but you know that your mother had always wanted you to be this over here and you’re never going to meet that expectation so you minimize it that way nobody else could say well you know better than nothing and take away your thunder egocentrism my perspective is the only perspective take different perspectives I always say three if something happens and you know maybe somebody was rude to you anyone they were rude to me okay they were rude to you what are three reasons what are some alternate perspectives why that person might have been rude maybe what you did something that triggers them maybe they were having a bad day and it’s got nothing at all to do with you you know there are options that we can look at personalization and mind-reading what are some alternate explanations for the event that didn’t involve you if you think well that person that person just really doesn’t like me and you know I’ve got to work with them every day and they hate me my question to my client would be what what’s the evidence for that and what are some alternative explanations for why that person may be behaving that way I had a staff member that a lot of my other staff members had difficulty getting along with and ultimately you know we had to sit down and look when I had some different staff meetings with people and say you know what gives you the idea that she doesn’t like you what gives you the idea that it’s about you and you know they cited all kinds of behaviors and I had to come back to well what are some alternate reasons why somebody anybody not just her might be expressing those behaviors could it be something besides you and of course they came back – yeah availability heuristic remembering what’s prominent in your mind if somebody was if you’re a supervisor for example and you’re doing evaluation for the year what are you really remembering when you’re doing that evaluation the whole year or the last three months and that’s the event fail ability heuristic so when you’re talking to somebody about their relationship with their best friend or their spouse or their kids and if somebody says well that that child has always been a problem okay let’s look at that you know the child is 18 and you’ve had a lot of problems with him lately but what about three years ago so was he always a problem or is this something that’s relatively new that something might have changed magnification people getting stuck on fearing the absolute worst so you want to ask them is this a high probability or low probability outcome if they’re magnifying something that happened like oh my gosh that is the worst thing in the world is this going to matter six months from now maybe you totaled your car and yeah that is a huge bummer and you’re safe in six months is this really going to matter that much you know there are going to be some bills and everything but the big scheme of things is at the end of the world what have you done in the past to tolerate events like these when something really really unpleasant has happened and then if they’re looking at dichotomous ways of thinking which a lot of our clients still do they’re like someone so it always does this or never does this have them look at the differences between love versus hate perfection versus failure and all good intentions versus all bad intentions because a lot of our dichotomies fall in one of these three categories this person always does this or Never or does it intentionally or you know just doesn’t care belief in a just world the fallacy of fairness encourage people to look for for good people they know that have had bad things happen attributional bearers are labeling yourself not a behavior such as saying I am stupid instead of I don’t have good math skills I am is difficult to get rid of I can’t get rid of stupidity if it’s part of me but if it’s a thought or a skill I can either get rid of it or improve it stable I am means I am right now and I probably always will be stupid verses I can change this thought or skill I can learn math and internal attributions mean it’s about me as a person versus about a skill or skill deficit or something completely unrelated so when somebody makes a global internal negative statement we want to help them challenge that global internal positive statements I’m all about but the negative ones I want to say let’s take a look at that is that true that this is about you all of the time and it means that there’s something wrong with you so we want to ask them how are these thoughts how are these ways of thinking impacting your emotions health relationships and perceptions of the world we want to increase motivation to start looking at these spanking errors because it’s a lot of work to start changing the way you automatically think because you’ve got to stop you’ve got to become mindful and then you’ve got to decide well what are the alternative thoughts because this is what I thought for so long how may have this thought has been helpful in the past most of the time thoughts we have came from somewhere and whether it was a thought we had when we were a child something we learned when we were a child that is dichotomous and not quite applicable anymore it may have been helpful in the past to help you navigate situations doesn’t mean it was wrong it means it’s not helpful in the present asking them to always ask themselves is this thought or feeling bringing you the client closer to those people and things that are important to you it’s hanging on to this negativity bringing you closer and and I like the energy philosophy if you will when you are unhappy you are letting this person have your power you are letting this person make you angry when you decide you are not going to give them your power then you may start feeling happier and I don’t always use that with clients but sometimes the power metaphor help when we talk about thinking Ayers asked them are there examples of this not being true and and or how can a statement be made less global stable and internal is it about you or is it about what you do at work is it about you or is it about your relationship with this particular person so the last couple of slides focusing on some of the irrational thoughts or unhelpful beliefs our basic fears are rejection and isolation failure loss of control the unknown and death generally the things that cause people to have this fight-or-flight reaction fall into one of those categories so some of the unhelpful beliefs that we hear a lot coming up when we do the ABCs is that mistakes are never acceptable so if I make one I am incompetent so we’ve got dichotomous thinking and we’ve got a lot of internal global labeling here rejection and isolation when somebody disagrees with me it’s a personal attack against me well sometimes it is what does that mean it’s about you we’re helping them address the rejection and isolation fears we want to ask them you know if they disagree with you were they attacking you and saying you were stupid or were they attack attacking you want to use that word or were they attacking the thought and saying they disagreed with the thought there’s a little bit of a difference it’s somewhat semantics but it’s a difference because they may have a lot of respect for you but they may disagree with what you just said if someone criticizes or rejects me there must be something wrong with me again that’s one of those internal global negative statements to feel good about myself others must approve of me we want to make sure our clients can self validate and they don’t rely on external validation because they’re setting themselves up for a world of hurt if they are not their own best friend to be content in life I must be liked by all people and thanks for a second are you liked by everybody I know I’m not liked by everybody so does that mean that I should not be content in life and what does it say to give people that power to say if you don’t like me that I can’t be content because I’ve got to be liked by everybody sometimes with clients I’ll help them look at what may be going on with the other person why that person might like them because a lot of times other people’s reactions towards you are more about their stuff than about you and helping them see how that might be true my true value as an individual depends on what others think of me so these other unhelpful beliefs pertain to those thoughts of failure and loss of control none of us likes to fail don’t get me wrong it’s not pleasant but it happens and there is a saying out there that says if you haven’t failed you haven’t tried which means we need to get beyond our safety envelope we need to push ourselves behind beyond our boundaries and when we do sometimes we’re going to stumble and fall and we pick ourselves up and we learn from it but to expect to never fail at anything is not realistic so nothing ever turns out the way you want it to how many times have you heard that from your clients I won’t try anything new unless I know I’ll be good at it I’m in total control and anything bad that happens is my fault so let’s look at this locus let’s control thing here you’re in total control so you can make it rain you know it was unpleasant today because I had to come to work and it was raining outside so that was bad it happened was it your fault pointing out and depending on your relationship for your client you’re probably going to be more or less snarky when you present some of these but a lot of times I have a semi joking relationship if you will with my clients and they’re like yeah I see your point that kind of didn’t make a lot of since other times you know if they’re more serious I’ll ask them to identify things that happened that were bad that they had nothing to do with if I feel happy about life something will go wrong or I’m always waiting for the other shoe to drop helping people stay focused in the moment with mindfulness and something’s going to go wrong down the road somewhere sometimes yeah it’s true this will happen let’s enjoy what we’ve got for right now the past always repeats itself it was if it was true then it’s true now so what was true when you were ten is true now that you’re forty always is that true it’s not my fault my life didn’t go the way I wanted everybody conspired against me and there’s no gray area so for people who feel the need to hold on to control its dichotomous it is or it isn’t it’s got to be that way there’s no gray area and it can make life be seem very uncomfortable because they’ve got to put things in one of two buckets and sometimes things don’t fit nicely in buckets what happens if we add a third bucket that both an bucket so a quick note about irrationality the origins of most beliefs were rational and helpful given the information the person had at the time and their ability to process that information because of their cognitive development so things that we identify as unhelpful or automatic beliefs now came from somewhere and they made perfect sense whenever they were formed they may not be healthy or helpful now which is why we want to look at them and either adjust them or just throw them out the door but when they were formed they were on point irrationality or unhelpful nasaw thoughts comes when those beliefs are perpetuated without examination so again we need to look at them continually look at what you’re telling yourself and go is this still accurate and continue to be held despite causing harm to the person sometimes you’re going to look at a thought an automatic thought and you’re going to go yeah that is still spot-on now is holding on to this helping me achieve my goals you know yet the world right now is kind of a scary place is holding on to this fear and terror helping me and be a happy productive yada-yada whatever kind of person you want to be or is it causing me to feel anxious and angry and scared sometimes it’s more productive for clients to think of thoughts as unhelpful instead of irrational because like I said I feel like irrationality and distortions seem very pejorative to a lot of clients so questions clients can ask themselves when they are faced with a situation what are the facts for and against this belief is this belief based on facts or feelings just because you feel scared is it a scary situation does the belief focus on just one aspect or the whole situation does the belief seem to use any of those thinking errors we talked about and if so you know what do I need to do about it what are some alternate explanations for this belief what else could have caused this to happen besides whatever I’m afraid of what would you tell your child or your best friend if they had this belief what would you took what would you want someone to tell you about this belief you could have somebody tell you something that would make you feel okay what would you want them to tell you and how is this belief moving you toward what and who is important to you remembering that beliefs are a combination of thought and fact and personal interpretation of those thoughts and facts I tend to when I talk you know you see me I kind of I’m all over the place with my arms I am a animated talker now if you are seeing me from a hundred feet away and you are seeing me talk might think I was angry because I make a lot of really big gestures because if you had grown up in a situation where there was domestic violence or something but if you had grown up in a household like I did where you had a first generation Italian first generations of ten Italian Americans talk big they talk real big with lots of gestures and sometimes loud and that doesn’t necessarily mean any anger a lot of times it’s just pure excitement so understanding that there’s thoughts in facts you know you see this going on but your personal interpretation can really affect what you get out of it or what you perceive that situation to be so we need to look at how is your personal interpretation maybe adding a negative bias and what what do we do about that it may be 100 percent accurate what do we do about it so it doesn’t keep you miserable thoughts impact behaviors and emotional and physical reactions emotional physical reactions impact thoughts and your interpretation of events irrational or unhelpful thinking patterns are often caused by cognitive distortions my two favorite words in that same sentence cognitive distortions are schemas or shortcut ideas or memories if you will which were formed based on faulty inaccurate or immature knowledge or understanding of the event you know little kids may not have quite understood what was going on they just understood that mommy and daddy were screaming identifying the thoughts the hecklers I call them those negative voices inside your head that are maintaining unhappiness helps people choose whether to accept the thoughts and say yeah you know that’s right I really am not good at that or whatever the negative thought is and change it or let the thought go are there any questions you you thank you miss Benson well thank you all if you come up with any questions you know you’re mulling it over later and you think you know that yet I’ve worked with a client and with something similar and I did this or you know you have a question about something I said feel free to email me the easiest one to remember is support at all CEUs com there’s only two others in the office so either my husband gets it err I do so it’ll get to me and I guess that’s it so I will see you all on Tuesday if you have any types of courses that you want to see added to the list please let me know I’m always interested in doing what you want to learn about not necessarily just where I pull out on my rabbit hat yes you can print the slides in the golly golly golly when you go into the class there’s a link that has a PDF of the slides that you can print if you want to print go ahead and print those out the video version of this will be up on YouTube by tomorrow morning maybe later this afternoon you okay everybody have an absolutely amazing rest of your day and weekend if you enjoy this podcast please like and subscribe either in your podcast player or on YouTube you can attend and participate in our live webinars with dr. Schneider by subscribing at all CEUs calm / counselor toolbox this episode has been brought to you in part by all CEUs calm providing 24/7 multimedia continuing education and pre certification training to counselors therapists and nurses since 2006 use coupon code consular toolbox to get a 20% discount off your order this month.As found on YouTubeSeanCooper🗯 The Shyness & Social Guy ⇝ The 3 WORST Mistakes You Must AVOID If You Want To Overcome Shyness (PLUS: 1 weird trick that targets the root biological cause of shyness so you can stop being nervous, awkward, and quiet around people…) By Sean Cooper, The Shyness & Social Anxiety Guy. The fact that you’re reading this article tells me you may have already reached a point where you feel your shyness is NOT going away on its own… 732d01adf780998f105af3460737a431 or you fear it’s getting worse and worse. And I don’t want you to waste one more day living a life where you feel left out, bored, or depressed because you don’t have the relationships which would make you happy. That’s why I’ve put together this page to help you avoid the worst mistakes that keep many people stuck with shyness for years… often giving up hope of ever improving as you watch other people have interesting “normal” lives without you. Yet this doesn’t have to happen.