Category: Anxiety

7 Reasons Why You Feel Emotionally Numb

  Hi Psych2go family. Have you ever felt emotionally empty before? Or do you just feel empty sometimes? You don’t feel sad or depressed, but you have trouble feeling anything. It’s hard to connect deeply with other people, and you feel isolated from those around you. lost yourself Have you forgotten your goals, passions, and values ​​that make you who you are? You may have lost touch with your inner world, and even dislike the person you’ve become Losing yourself and where you want to go in life can throw you out of control You may be having difficulty processing so many emotions, such as frustration, loneliness and despair all at once, and you end up feeling nothing 2.   You are dealing with some mental illness Emotional emptiness is one of the symptoms of mood disorders such as depression, bipolar disorder, dissociative disorder, and trauma-related disorders For example: if you suffer from dissociative disorder, you may experience a loss of your body: feeling that you are not in control of your speech and movements You feel empty in your senses, and emotionally disconnected from the people around you 3. you’ve been through something traumatic When you experience trauma, it’s not uncommon to feel emotionally empty It’s a way to deal with feelings of helplessness, shock, confusion, and anxiety It sounds like a way to protect yourself and gain emotional relief, but it’s not a healthy and effective way to deal with the emotional damage caused by trauma 4.   You are recovering from abuse Have you ever been abused by your parents, family, friends, or a partner? Whether physical, emotional, verbal, sexual, or psychological, any type of abuse can do a lot of damage to someone’s mental health. According to a study, abuse can negatively impact your ability to regulate and understand your emotions. way to cope with the stress and pain of being abused 5. you are grieving a major loss Have you lost someone you love? Or are you dealing with the loss of a relationship? Feeling emotionally empty is part of the grieving process Denial is the first stage of grieving and an important step towards acceptance you are stressed all the time Are you always overwhelmed and stressed by work or school? Feeling so much stress all the time can lead to an emotional breakdown which is a negative state of mind, associated with chronic fatigue, problems with creativity and concentration, and loss of interest and motivation.     An emotional void 7. you take too many medications Another reason for emotional void is the use of antidepressants, mood stabilizers and other sedatives which are drugs that disorient your central nervous system Emotional blockage and feelings of apathy are common side effects Some people say no if they feel like themselves when they use medication, then they stop using But it is important to talk to your doctor first so he can change your dose or the medication that best fits your needs Do you identify with any of these signs? If you know someone who needs online guidance, we’ve teamed up with Better Help, an online advice platform you can use. They’re constantly trying to improve their service and terms and conditions.   The link is in the description. Thanks for watching. As found on YouTube The Destroy Depression ꆛ System-Cure Depression Naturally YOUR DEPRESSION HAS BEEN IN CONTROL LONG ENOUGH. It’s Time to Fight Back ☂🗯 “Depression Sufferer Of Over 20 Years Reveals His Simple 7-Step System That Gives You The Power To Destroy Your Depression, End Your Feelings Of Sadness And Hopelessness, And Get Your Life Back.” “This didn’t just change my life, it saved my life.“

Free- weeding, No-tillage, Easy LIFE Gardening by JADAM

  Hello, everyone. This is youngsang cho the founder of JADAM  In today’s episode, I would like to elaborate you how to create the most successful organic garden. As we all know that the global food crisis is at our doorstep.  Therefore, I believe it is time to start our life gardening to protect our food, life, and our family from possible hunger. According to the Global Trend 2040 held by the National Intelligence Service of the United  States, a food riot could occur worldwide within 10 years due to problems such as global warming and food crises. And IMF (International monetary fund)has declared a severe food crisis in 48 countries around the world.  Furthermore, President Biden hosted the first food security conference in 50 years.   Despite this dire situation Korea, the world’s fifth-largest food importer,   has the lowest grain self-sufficiency rate in the world.  And The use of pesticides in agricultural products is even more than 10 times that of Western countries. In addition, local counties are in danger of low population due to aging. You might think a growing couple of vegies is enough,  But you have to consider that vegies are also very important food to us.   I strongly urge you to actively participate in sustainable organic gardens to become self-sufficient in the upcoming future. Just because I said this doesn’t mean farming will suddenly become easy.  Many people face difficulties they never expected when they start organic gardening. Firstly, there are major problems in organic farming which are weeding, pest, and disease control. Then the next problem is using machinery. And JADAM is here to ease all of these problems. Many People thinks, if the soil is healthy crop will be growing without any pest and disease problems.   But the truth of organic farming is far more difficult than what people usually thought of.  Because we are not farming native and wild seeds. The seeds that you get from the store are bred to suit the taste of humans.  Our will and tongue made bananas, and strawberries to be much sweeter, softer, and larger.  And those planted first gen seeds have 0 experience to defend themselves. Therefore, Organic gardening or farming cannot be continued without any pests and disease solutions.   JADAM is one of the most well-known companies in the field of self-made natural pesticides. And with the basis of this information, we have shared our journey from soil to fruit on youtube which will upgrade your life of gardening. This is a website that we have been running since 2003.  If you have further questions leave a comment on the bulletin board or you can live a comment below for any question you have. And this is our first book, that Been translated into English.  It has about 700 reviews with close to 5-star ratings and  It is now distributed globally through amazon.com. This is another book that we have published 2 years ago.  It focuses on pest and disease control in detail. Apart from these, we have been working hard to translate the books into 20 different languages.  And those books are going to be uploaded to the google playbook store. So shell we now begin with organic gardening.? The picture you can see is my farm. It is about 650 square meters in size. You can start with 600 square meters, but this is not mandatory.   You can start small from 60 to 100 square meters. The size of the land doesn’t mean you are not capable.  Quality matters not quantity. Once you can control   all the pests and disease You will experience happy farming. The size of the land In this picture is about 80 square meters and there are about 40 to 50  different crops. This means in this small size of the land you can have tasteful organic vegetables for your family. After harvest, you can rather dry it to make a powder shake or you can quench the vegetable for future food. It is a one-time harvest in a year but you can have it for a whole year. It is not very necessary to farm such a diverse number of crops.  I farm a lot of kinds because I’d like to test my JADAM natural pesticides on different kinds of crops.   And because of my habit of researching, my family also loves to help me farm. This is the tiny house that we built with my friends.  It is tiny but we have made beautiful surroundings.  we built it because we wanted to showcase how Organic gardening could be peaceful and lovable One unique part of this house is that, It has a compost toilet.  Many people worry about the smell. But if you mix 1 % of any starch into sawdust,  There is barely any smell for weeks until it is disposed of. And later you can also collect human feces to make your compost.  Which means you don’t have to rely on purchasing the compost. Collect all the feces in one place for 3 months to make compost out of it.  And because of the starch, there is barely any smell. If you learn how to do all JADAM methods,  I believe you will overcome the difficulties of different crops for organic farming. Not just vegetables, it also means fruit trees and more.   And one of the most interesting things is the strawberries.  We all know that strawberries are perennial plants.  But in fact, many farmers pull out once the harvest is completed. However, with the JADAM method, the strawberries are producing for more than 6 years  And every year the yield has increased compared to the past years.  The pest and disease control on strawberries is not that difficult.  And it is our first crop to be harvested in a year. Not just strawberries, We tested the JADAM method on   lettuce, cabbage, and small radish for kimchi, paprika for barbeque and broccoli for salad.   And the world’s favorite plant to consume potato also hasn’t had any difficulties to produce. Not just potatoes, we can also farm sweet potatoes and more. Farming cucumber in an open field is known to be a pretty hassle.  But with the JADAM method, you can farm it all. And one of our favorites is the chili pepper. It is the most basic yet, but most confusing plant to grow, and we are the best producer in South Korea. The high yield comes when you be able to master the JADAM technology.   And JADAM technology is simple.  So let me tell you how to solve all the issues with JADAM methods. First, the wedding, The problems of weeding come with the plastic mulching that lasts for a year. This means, after harvest, it is mostly destroyed.  And the other problems are the high temperature inside of the mulching then the ventilation of the field. The purpose of mulching is simply for weeding. But the mulching causes a problem due to heat. To solve these issues, we have chosen to use landscape fabric.  Which is a breathable material and lowers the high temperature. Although the price is high, you can use it for more than 10 years.  And some are even much more durable that can last about 20 years. Which is similar to the life span of solar panels. It helps the soil by creating shade on the soil, Which leads to a higher expansion of active microbes inside the soil. As a result, the landscape fabric helps the roots to reach even deeper and makes better soil quality which leads to a high yield.   So let me show you how to make the beds first.  Prepare some powder that could indicate the line on the field. The width of the bed should be 1meter 30 centimeters to 1 meter 60 centimeters.  We will first create drainage on each bed.  To create the bed and drainage, we will use the machine just once to protect the soft soil. and this structure is going to be permanent. We are not going to use rotary machines forever after the first construction.   Many of us learned that tilling soil is necessary every after harvest and before planting to mix the compost with the soil. But the surface application of the compost is good enough.  You can simply scatter and spread the compost then cover it with the landscape fabric. When you have completed covering the bad with landscape fabric,  Now it is time to use the white marker to make an indication of where you are going to make the hole for the crop.  Use the string then stretch it up and mark the string with the 30-centimeter gap.   Then cut the fabric along with the indication. But do not cut it cross because it will loosen all fabric at the end. And before planting germinate your seedlings into leaf mold soil mix water. Diversity of the microbes in the seedling’s roots will prevent possible diseases occur in the future. Then use the narrow hoe to plant the seedlings. Once you have completed planting, the next step is watering.  You can use the irrigation hose to do this but for the vegetables,  It is much more convenient with a sprinkler.   Sprinkle water for about 50 minutes with 1-3 days term depending.  And sometimes you can also mix the JMS along with it. As I just mentioned about the no-till and surface application on the bed of the crop.  Let me show you how it is usually done.  After harvest, pull out the fabric then put it on the side.  Once the harvest is completed your soil needs to be reorganized. After that, I scatter the organic compost on the surface of the bed and then spread it firmly with the wreck. Many people think   the soil will harden if it is not tilled,  But by using the JADAM microbes and compost, the soil stays soft enough.   Then later cover the bed with the landscape fabric. It should be performed once every harvest,   and in Korea, it happened only twice in a year. One in May and the other one in September. we have uploaded other videos on how to make beds for the fruiting crop.  So you can have a look at that too. Apart from just lettuce and other vegetables,  How are we going to deal with root plants such as radishes or carrots? It will be quite a hassle if we try to plant in between the fabric.  So to plant a root plant, we will just cover the fabric for about 15-20 days before planting.  Then the weed inside will not be able to get photosynthesis,   eventually, the seeds won’t be able to sprout. After 20 days when you uncover the fabric, you could see the bed is clean from the weeds.  Then organize the bed with wreck then create a line with 30 centimeters intervals to plant.   You might get worried that the weed grows back again, but root plants such as small radish grow quicker than weeds as it is all eliminated which leaves no space for the weeds to grow because all the nutrients were absorbed by the plant itself. So in this way, the crop will not be going to have nutrient competition with weeds. And the next thing we want to talk about is Organic pest and disease control.  One of The most interesting parts of JADAM’s natural pesticides is that they won’t have negative effects on humans.  It is safe even if you inhale or mistakenly spray it on your face.   Moreover, we know that people worry about spiders and bees but it won’t heavily harm bees and spiders. When you start farming, soon you will realize that there are a lot of circumstances with pests and disease problems. However, Don’t try to view the problem with a microscope.  Just simply focus on 2 things in farming. Aphid and Powdery mildew. If you have enough capability to control aphids, means you can control almost all pests. And if you have enough capability to control powdery mildew,   you can be confident in controlling diseases as well.   Aphid is the one major problems for farmers but to us, it is just a piece of cake. By utilizing the simple JADAM method on aphid and powdery mildew,  You can control almost all problems. And we have uploaded all the detailed videos on Thrips, anthracnose, and Aphid on youtube. All the method of mixing ratio is also published in our book. We are having a seminar after 3 years, due to covid 19  In the seminar, we are going to release our new recipe that does not need a water softener. Also, we will now prepare for a world tour as well for the next year. Thank you for watching and I will see you guys in the next video. As found on YouTube HUMAN SYNTHESYS STUDIO 👀🗯 Attention: Have Real Human Spokespeople In Your Videos Saying Exactly What You Want In MINUTES! REAL Humans, REAL Voices, With A NEW Technology That Gives STUNNING Results Choose Your Human + Voice Type What You Want Them To Say Render your “Humatar” What You Are About To See Is Unbelievable…

CAN THIS BOOK HELP WITH SOCIAL ANXIETY?

  Social anxiety is absolutely brutal to live with, but can this unconventional book help you out with your social anxiety, stay tuned as we discuss what is up everybody. This is Chris from the rewired soul, where we talk about the problem, but focus on the solution today,’s problem is social anxiety and I haven’t done a book review in a long time. I’ve been kind of just not even really slacking.   I’ve just been like picking up books and going through them and not finishing them all the way because they get kind of and all this other stuff.   But I’m back and I’m gon na be doing some book.   Reviews like the book reading are reignited in me, so, like this book is gon na surprise you, but first let me preface this by talking about my history with social anxiety like so many people who meet me, like they’re, so shocked when I tell them That I used to have social anxiety as I did.   It was brutal.   My brain was constantly going a million miles a minute.   I was so concerned about what I was doing.   What I was saying when I was thinking where you were looking at and all these other things I was trying to read you and I didn’t know if I was making you uncomfortable and all sorts of stuff like.   I was always worried about saying something that might offend or make somebody uncomfortable like.   I was just extremely socially awkward and it made me fumble over my words, even more, which made it even more awkward, and it was just terrible. It was so terrible and, like I just couldn’t talk to people unless there was somebody like that, I knew and if you’re socially anxious, you know exactly what I mean.   So what I try to do when I read books, no matter what book it is like, I try to see what we can learn from it and most of the books.   I do read our mental health books and this book has been on my list for a while, but I haven’t picked it up.   Cuz it’s, not a mental health book.   I’m, like you know, I bet this book might be able to help people who are socially anxious and it’s interesting because I don’t think a lot of people’s.   Social anxiety would pick up this book if they saw it in a bookstore or on Audible or Amazon or Kindle or whatever it is they might not pick it up, but it’s good.   So I’ll be honest with you.   I’m only three chapters in I’m, like you, everybody who subscribed to my channel, who has social anxiety, needs to read this book.   No, you asked me, Chris.   What are you talking about? What book is it? Well, it is called what everybody is Saying by Joe Navarro alright, so I listen to all my books on Audible. I just listen while I’m driving to work or if I’m doing some like tedious tasks at work.   I just have an audiobook playing and like so just to preface this book, so this guy Joe Navarro.   He is an ex-FBI agent and it was one of the best the reason why it was one of the best is that he’s amazing.   Reading body language, this book blends neuroscience with the science of body language, so that’s, something that sold me on this book.   For those of you who’ve been around for a while, I’m, really into neuroscience understanding how the brain works helps with understanding how we behave and how we think, and the way we do things in our mental health and all that kind of Stuff, so here’s the thing when it comes to social anxiety.   A lot of it is this concern that we don’t know what people are thinking, what’s going through their mind, but think about it for a second.   If we could better understand a person,’s body language and what certain things meant, then we could know if, if this person’s enjoying the conversation, if they’re, trying to get out of this conversation, if they’re uncomfortable, if they’re Nervous, like we can read all these different things and that’s just absolutely amazing.   So I’m just going to give a few little things that are in this book so far, but I’m only about three chapters in and I’m hustling through it because I joined the psych book club with some buddies.   Who I play fortnight with and I was super excited when they told me they were reading this book about you.   I need to get this book. I want to join your book club because not many of my friends read you know what I mean, so I’m glad that I get to like talk and discuss this stuff with other people besides you.   I love you, but I need some more human interaction, so anyways the book kind of starts with, and it goes through kind of like a curriculum of what this book’s gon na be about, but throughout it like Joe Navarro.   He kind of gives some examples of these different cases.   He worked and things that he learned and all sorts of stuff and kind of like his childhood and why he became fascinated with understanding body language because he came from another country and didn’t speak English.   So he had to learn how to read body language to know if people liked him or didn’t like him, and this kind of helped him out before he learned English.   So then, like one of the first chapters, I think it’s, chapter 2.   They start to talk about the limbic system and the prefrontal cortex, and things like that.   So the limbic system, which is the most primitive part of the brain, is the strongest part of the brain.   It is your emotional part of the brain right so, like he talks about how you can’t always believe what’s coming out of somebody’s mouth or their facial expressions, because, like they’re, actually not a good indicator.   You have to look at other cues on their body, which I’ll talk about in a second, and like for me like this book is kind of sold to people like you know, when you’re talking to your boss, you’re talking to A customer or you’re, talking to a client, we’re talking to a loved one or talking to your kids, but like for me. I’m like bad.   This could help with social anxiety.   You know what I mean so understanding these things.   So what are the great things that I want to make some dedicated videos to? This is one of the first things it does.   It talks about pacifying, behavior, okay, these are things that we do, unconsciously, that calm us down.   Okay, so some people might rub the skin right below their neck or they might rub their neck like this because these are filled with a lot of nerves and it releases calming neurotransmitters in your body, so it calms you down it soothes, you, okay, so I want to make some more videos on that because if you’re somebody who just gets anxious or stressed there are some points on your body that you can touch that calm you down, so you could do it more deliberately.   So this next chapter Armand, he talks in an earlier chapter about like what do you think the most telling part of the body is and a lot of people would say face and things like that.   But if that was the truth, then why would a poker face even be a thing, so the feet are the best indicator for this, and this is something I’ve heard a very long time ago and it’s something that I noticed.   I even notice myself doing it so just some quick examples: if somebody has their feet turned towards the door or an exit.   This means that they’re either uncomfortable or they’re in our curry, or they want to leave okay because that’s just our natural fight-or-flight instincts. Okay, so like when, when we get in these situations like our feet, they’re prepared to do something.   Okay, then it also talks about how having a wider stance is more confrontational.   So we discuss how to kind of diffuse a situation to make sure that your legs are together, because even on that unconscious level, if you, if you have a wider stance – and you’re, like kind of in a heated argument with somebody, they’re, Getting more prepared to attack back right, even if it’s verbally, okay, so it also talks about other things about how, when you cross your legs, you feel comfortable, and the reason this is is is because the brain is not preparing you to leave.   So when you cross your legs, you’re actually off balance.   So if somebody’s crossing their legs near you, whether it’s, you know one leg over the other and in their lap or if it’s just crossing their ankles.   Okay, because our center of gravity changes, so this means they’re very comfortable, so their brains not telling them hey, you might need to get out of this situation so like I find this very, very useful when like having conversations with other people noticing what their Hands are doing their arms are doing like there’s, one part where it talks about if somebody’s cupping their elbow.   This is also something that means that they’re uncomfortable.   If they move their hand, this means that they’re starting to relax.   So there are a lot of great tips in here, and I hope that some of you read it the more you understand about the brain and what we do, the more you will improve your mental health.   One of the reasons my mental health is so much better. These days are because I hate myself for this.   I’m gon na link a video up in the info card about something called the brain mechanic.   Okay, the more you understand about your brain, the better you’ll be able to handle a variety of different situations, whether it’s, anxiety, depression, and things like that.   But I like this book because it’s how to tell if other people are uncomfortable or confrontational and all that kind of good stuff.   So if you want to join me on this journey and read this book, I’m gon na put a link down in the description below that’s an affiliate link.   So if you’re interested in it go ahead and buy it from Amazon, it doesn’t cost you anything and it helps support the channel.   But I would love for you to read this book check it out and tell me your thoughts on it and then maybe I’ll do a full book review after I’m done with it.   Alright, anyways that’s – all I got for you today.   So if you like this video, please give it a thumbs up, and if you are new here, I’m always making videos to help you out with your mental and emotional well being go ahead and click that little round subscribe button and a huge.   Thank you to everybody supporting the channel over on Patreon. I love you guys.   Alright, you want to check out some more content on this channel.   You can click or tap on one of those thumbnails.   Alright thanks so much for watching, learn more about your brain today and I’ll see you. As found on YouTube The Destroy Depression ꆛ System-Cure Depression Naturally YOUR DEPRESSION HAS BEEN IN CONTROL LONG ENOUGH. It’s Time to Fight Back ☂🗯 “Depression Sufferer Of Over 20 Years Reveals His Simple 7-Step System That Gives You The Power To Destroy Your Depression, End Your Feelings Of Sadness And Hopelessness, And Get Your Life Back.” “This didn’t just change my life, it saved my life.“

6 Signs and Symptoms Of ADHD

  – [Amanda] As a quick disclaimer, this video is made for educational purposes only. And if you have further questions or concerns about ADHD, please consult with your doctor first. With that said, let’s start. I’m sure you’ve heard of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, or ADHD before. It’s a neurodevelopmental disorder marked by an ongoing pattern of inattention or hyperactivity that interferes with your functioning and development.   Though ADHD is most commonly diagnosed in childhood, it can also affect adults. Unfortunately, there’s a significant lack of research into adults with ADHD. Many scientists believe that since ADHD is a developmental disorder, it can not develop in adults without demonstrating any signs during their early childhood. But, signs and symptoms of ADHD often persist into adolescence and adulthood. According to the NHS, by age 25, 15% of those diagnosed will still present symptoms. Of those diagnosed, 65% will have symptoms that affect their lives. Here are six signs and symptoms of ADHD to look out for it if you think it’s affecting your life or the life of someone you know. Number one is inattentiveness. One of the hallmark signs of ADHD is inattentiveness. It goes beyond simply not being able to pay attention. It can also look like the inability to focus on a task, finding it hard to pay attention to others, or overlooking details. Know these symptoms can also be caused by stress.   Pay special attention if you find your focus shifting often. Number two, hyperfocus. On the opposite side of the spectrum, you can also experience hyperfocus with ADHD. Hyperfocus can cause a person with ADHD to become so engrossed in a task that they forget about everything else going on around them. It’s important to differentiate between hyperfocus versus when you’re in a state of flow. Flow emerges from a state of deep concentration or engagement in something, and being in flow produces a positive feeling, like a sense of accomplishment.   Hyperfocus, on the other hand, is a result of an inability to regulate your attention span. With hyperfocus, you can’t always choose what you focus on. You might be doing something important like homework or hyper-focused on scrolling endlessly through Kylie Jenner’s Instagram Feed. Hyperfocus can lead to setbacks in your relationships with friends or partners, or hurdles at work and school. To help with this, you could prioritize your tasks and accomplish them one by one, or ask your family and friends to text you at specific times to help you shift your focus onto more important tasks. Number three is impulsivity. Do you speak out of turn, or do you regularly get yourself into socially inappropriate situations? Do you rush through tasks? And these all are signs of impulsivity in ADHD. It runs a lot deeper than just making split-second decisions. ADHD impulsivity can disrupt your life, and can potentially get you in trouble.     You might others during conversations, making them less inclined to talk to you again, or you can act without much or any consideration of the possible consequences, and this can land you in hot water. Number four is disorganization. We all have hectic lives, but for someone with ADHD, things may feel a bit more chaotic than usual. If you have ADHD, you may have trouble establishing order in your life, and it can be difficult to keep everything in the right place.   And adults with ADHD may struggle with these organizational skills. This can include, problems keeping track of tasks, and trouble logically prioritizing them. Number five is mood swings. Because this symptom is present in many other disorders, it’s not an inherent sign of ADHD, but if you’re someone with ADHD you may experience mood swings or irritability. There may be days you feel good and grounded, and other days when you’re in the emotional gutter. You can try writing your emotions down, which can help you keep track of your emotional patterns, and prepare you for the next mood swing. Setting a schedule will help you establish a routine and avoid the possible stress from disorganization. And number six, lack of motivation. Does it seem like you’re doing everything at once, but feel unmotivated to go about your tasks? Lack of motivation is a common symptom of ADHD. A lack of motivation combined with other symptoms like poor organizational skills is problematic when it comes to accomplishing tasks or being engaged at work. There are many ways to help fight a lack of motivation, though. For example, you could break down your chores into manageable tasks, or write down the positive feelings you’re experiencing throughout the day.   These techniques can help you find the motivation to finish your tasks. Do you think you might have ADHD, or does someone you know think they could have ADHD? Do you think these signs will help you or a loved one? Go ahead and like and share this video if it helped you, and you think it could help someone else too. The studies and references used are listed in the description below. And don’t forget to hit the subscribe button for more Psych2Go videos. Thank you for watching, and we’ll see you next time. As found on YouTube HUMAN SYNTHESYS STUDIO 👀🗯 Attention: Have Real Human Spokespeople In Your Videos Saying Exactly What You Want In MINUTES! REAL Humans, REAL Voices, With A NEW Technology That Gives STUNNING Results Choose Your Human + Voice Type What You Want Them To Say Render your “Humatar” What You Are About To See Is Unbelievable…

Raw Comics vs Slab Values | Kang Fired?? | Comic Book Talk


thank you [Music] I don't know I'm just gonna throw it out there guys do it see if Murph is watching Murph Jay's got three words for you let's go ranges baby that's four that was four it's all right it counted it counted though the first three are what matter what is up defects back live on a Monday night Jay's here it's we're just we're rolling now I feel like we're on almost every Monday now this is something new you know good to see you guys Big Show planned special guests let's just let's just get right into it but you know before we do that I gotta say one up to my boys Bush what up what up what are you doing what is up guys playoff hockey is upon us being here is brutal right now thank God we don't we aren't live tomorrow night when the ranges are on but excited to be here I think it's a great topic I think it's a topic that has definitely changed over the course of the last year especially so really excited to get into it excited about our guest as always tell them what up I I figured Murphy's not going to be watching because he's too busy watching the game right now so obviously what up defects thank you for stopping by tonight we all know we got playoff hockey so we're all excited about it but we're here with you very excited about tonight's show uh always love when uh the Haas the Haas shows up to the show and hangs out with us so you know he's coming in with some with some uh statistics him and Matt him and Maddie together make like a freaking all of a sudden I feel like I'm unlike the FBI and [ __ ] I see the reflection of the game in in guys uh glass and then tomorrow night when Jay goes live on whatnot if which we're all going to be there if this is still in the background you're gonna just have that on the background Jay or what I mean I think the game should be over by 9 45 but if it's not I'm gonna be pissed off and if I do bad on whatnot I'm really gonna be [ __ ] pissed that'll be the last that'll be the last time oh yeah that'll be the last that'll be the last but you'll you could throw it on behind you people will love it you can still hear it people will watch it I mean come on it's like you got the package set up for it bro I'm one of those guys I could only do one thing at a time and even and even that yep and even that is brutal we love you brother we love you let's get into some with some sponsors Jay a couple perfect games in a row ah let me Let Me Clear My Throat I got too much pressure on me now first up guys the best in the business e-rod 212 Express comic book pressing E-Rock will Blaze your books owning and pressing needs defects 10 gets you ten percent off not only that era broadcast as long as dgc and cbcs so hit him up attention next up everybody's favorite Beaver mutant Beaver comics for all online exclusive variants defects 10 gets you 10 off they ship worldwide that's right worldwide so tell Pat and the b-man the defects sent you almost [ __ ] that one up that was close I felt you just say [ __ ] it I'm gonna end it so I don't [ __ ] up that's it because it's still a perfect game guy Forge is looking super clear tonight did you notice that Jay he is looking clear is is there new equipment in the house guy Forge no this is the same computer I have not brought out the new the new laptop that that uh Maddie Forge you know was the brains behind listen you are looking maybe it's just because it's in the room you are just super crisp right now all right nice I like it I like it Speaking of Chris speaking of crisp guy Ford you want to bring in the guest well listen the guy the guy cuts his hair like us so he should hang out with us that's just my opinion so you know what he goes to the same Barber even though he's across the country um he listen if you ever watch his shows he sits in front of not only some crazy [ __ ] books yeah but the man's got an Emmy behind him okay sure it's true bringing the Haas what's going on welcome my friend thank you so much for uh bringing me back two times in in a month I think right there you go look at that irregular yeah you must be doing something wrong to be honest with you then I'm getting to that uh that number of appearances that no longer matters anymore like the collectibility is dropping off this is true this is true good to have you here brother um just to give people a quick recap of how this you know came to be like just a few days ago um you put out a video I I want to say it was uh what Friday was that a Friday video yes end of the week last week okay had a video that was basically an unboxing of uh awesome book and I'll let people go watch it if they won I don't wanna I don't want to spill all the all the details but the the second half of the video which you you rolled into very very nicely might I add was basically talking about you know Rose you know to simplify it basically raws versus graded and and what's the better buy right now and what's what are what where's the Demand right now and and and why um and I think you kind of gave a really good um insight into you know what 2021 caused you know with raw uh books being essentially at least priced the same as their graded counterparts now whether they sold that way I think a lot of times they did or close to it but almost every like listing you saw if the book was a near mint it was selling for almost like the nine six the nine six price you know and if it was a 7-0 it was selling you know they had it listed four the seven five price you know so it was like you know that's what 2021 did and I mean what was kind of your you know your quick kind of overall conclusion to kind of you're like just it was only you talked about it for about six or seven minutes and and kind of like give us like your kind of wrap up to that video and kind of lead us into where we're gonna talk about tonight yeah for sure I mean I'm glad you you guys wanted to talk about this because like you said you know in my video I only talked about it for a few minutes but I feel like there's so much more to unpack with the topic but my general thoughts going into it were you know a lot of people for whatever reason always kind of pegged me as a guy who was like the champion of the raw comic books even though that's really not The Stance I've ever had it just I happen to have more raws and then over time people would tease me because it's like oh swag you're buying all these graded books and my uh opinion on that was it's like it's not me that all of a sudden wants created books is that the market had changed you know in the last couple years where all of a sudden prices like you said were essentially the same so at a certain point it was like well why would I but before I used to be able to buy the raw book for you know you maybe save a little bit the grading fees and maybe a a little bit of I I don't know what you would want to call it like the the risk that it doesn't actually hit the right fee right and then over time like you said the price is kind of equalized and then at that point it was like oh I might as well just buy the graded book because it's already you know cgc fees are included in this um and now we're kind of just hitting a point where I feel like the demand for raws have started to come up more and a lot of the graded books especi I mean depending on what book you're talking about but especially like you know mid-grade level you know say bronze and silver books like those prices are really really hurting um and in the book that I was unboxing I just kind of had a situation where I was like yeah here here's me buying this raw book that now is way more affordable than my graded book or the graded book equivalent would be for it uh once again so that was kind of what the video was about and and uh to kind of sum it up very very well put together by the way which which most of your stuff is so I'm not really worried about when I go watch your stuff but um awesome book awesome oh yeah thank you yeah yeah and it's nice to have like obviously the two copies that you know that yeah that's that's that was the outcome obviously you wanted a raw copy too and and a slab copy right yeah yeah it was it was just was a it just became a thing where it's like I wanted to upgrade it and also I didn't mind getting a raw cut because like aesthetically you know it just yeah it bothers me when there's like a raw and then a grade and then a raw you know it looks all funky to me so I just wanted I didn't mind getting it so you like symmetry you're saying you know we gotta we you know as companies we gotta have our like I mean look at all our backgrounds you know it's like this is all deliberate you know that means you need an Emmy on for the other side though yeah yeah it happened anytime soon you gotta balance it out um so you know I think so much we've and not really on purpose um but the past two months we've really talked a lot about grading and cgc and some of the mishaps um and again not not the best as you see you know we try to put that out there every time but these things are happening and we have to cover them um and you know this is a conversation that kind of kind of leads to that you know I don't want to say and I know Jay has some some opinions about this so I'm going to throw it to him first but I think there's there is a lot of factors to you know that that are going to support the stance that you know maybe the values aren't equal as far as the dollar value but like you were trying like Mickey you were trying to say that maybe the not the numeric value but the actual value as far as how much is on the bone compared to how much you bought it for and what's your upside versus your you know a slab just being that price and it's not going to move much you know maybe there's other contributing factors to it and we've talked a lot about them on this channel with you know mistrust in some of the grading companies right Jay and and that being a factor as to why some people maybe the slabs aren't as desirable right now what do you think yeah 100 I mean we see what cg3 cgc ncbcs been going through in the last year maybe even longer than that and like we talked about on the show in the past we see you know we see mistakes and we hear about it in the community all being community members and you know um Everybody in the chat being a Community member I mean more mistakes now so than ever uh way longer waiting times no matter what tier you're sending in you're still not getting your books back when you're supposed to in in most cases right um defects books that are getting nine eight that shouldn't get nine eights with visible defects on the book even through the slab so I think in this conversation it it really does come down to the specific book and the specific grade just like Mickey said you know so we'll use examples and and we'll get into that as the show goes on but um me myself I've been leaning I haven't submitted a book in what Matt about a year a year and a half it's been about it's a little over a year for us and the reason being is I haven't bought many grills there's not I pretty much checked everything off my list as a collector I stopped buying so much of everything and just focused on the characters and the books that I wanted um when it comes to Grails listen I'm not going to keep a grill raw any book that's over you know fifteen hundred two thousand dollars I am going to submit to cgc I am going to send it to era to get pressed and cleaned up before that and all that is money um so I you know I'm a little on the fence I I still tend to think slab slabs are gonna fetch the higher dollar amount because it's it's your guaranteed grade right we'll say guaranteed in parentheses so but again man like I watch PJ Morris and morbius and I I get their point man with not slave in any of these books because who knows it depends on the grader is the book really a nine eight is it really a nine six is it really a 5-0 so so I get that but I do send in to like the bigger books to slab as an investment as something to save just in case and we've said this before something happens to me my wife my son they they have an idea what that book could sell for just by pulling it up on eBay but I'm I'm with these guys right now man I'm with more abuse I I'm with PJ I'm with all these other old school role collectors that don't want to submit their books I get it man I I get it um as far as moderns I'm not sending in any moderns to cgc anymore I'm not sending in any more minor Keys um it should this that's how I feel right we'll we'll get into price point yeah go on but yeah I mean you know and I think that is a whole the the slab to not slab is a whole except not that it's a separate conversation but that can be a separate conversation you could have a whole show just on that the reasons why to do one or the other um you know and like Jay said we do have a couple examples to kind of show you know maybe maybe like heat one of the examples is almost like a heat check like what's What's um what's hotter and I know Mickey during your video you kind of mentioned that like what is hot or not necessarily what's selling for more but what is more desirable at this time yeah and then there's another example that I have that is gonna show dollar for dollar um on a I don't want to say a Grail but a major Silver age villain key um so we're gonna we're gonna show those two things off and kind of dive into it now I saw a lot of com I got a lot of DMS and I saw some comments even before the show that people had a lot of um strong feelings about this even before I got slabs will always be more money slabs will always be more money and and while on the surface that's probably a statement I would agree with um I think there's some Nuance to it and I think there's there's a there's a little bit of a deeper dive as to you know again dollar for dollar may be right maybe on that nine eight maybe on those higher grades you're that's always going to be the case but what about you know the lower grade or what about the non-keys or what about you know um you know filler but you know so so that's why I said there's a couple of different examples and there's two specific books that I want to look at now it's hard to do this with um raws versus slab right because with slabs you have a grade scale and you have places to look that up sale for sale with the raw stuff it's it's very hard you almost have to you have to sit there grade the book out yourself and say I think this falls into a 9496 category and then compare it to uh the latest slab on that we can't do that for 12 books here it we would be on for four hours right yeah but the problem with that is especially when you're talking about like a nine six to a nine eight when you're looking at a raw book you may think you have a 9A but that price point from that 9 6 to that nine eight is so significantly different it jumps so high so there's the problem with that and yeah you send it in for that nine eight but when it comes back that nine six is it worth cracking it out so someone does the same thing you do oh maybe I could potentially get the 98 with this you know what I mean and who's to say they won't you might crack open a 9-6 sell to someone they submitted in and then boom there's the 98 and that's the problem with the Grading Company right there what do you got guy he's muted or frozen or something what do you got guy I was frozen I'm sorry I I missed everything you said uh what are you out there on the screen for Super Chat oh for me Supreme love he said thanks for making a list and my NC relaxing he said through rain sleet snow defects will show so I like that I like that little that little kid it always says man the books they look so nice in the mylord dude there's nothing you throw a 5-0 book and a mylar it could look like a NATO you know what I mean but true yeah and and another thing that comes into play is buying and selling raw verse slabs right because if if I'm buying a high grade a high dollar value book online I've been burnt too many times to buy a raw copy man if it's a Grail I'm I'm buying it slab yeah at the end of the day just because it's it it's safer um because you don't know what you know you may get pictures you might get this you might get that but you don't know what's going on on the inside of that book you don't know if there's water that stuff that the camera can't pick up so you know modern's different you buy a modern online you're all right you know you you're buying silver age and maybe even some Bronze Age books online eBay what not Instagram you know you don't know what you're gonna get so that's where I tend to I'll buy a celeb and spend that extra money knowing the guaranteed grade rather than rolling the dice yeah what were you going to say Mickey god well there's so many answers when you're bringing up uh the people who are instantly kind of reacting to the thumbnail and stuff and and I I'd say that I think we'd all agree like in a vacuum of course the graded book is always going to be more expensive I mean just grading fees alone just is always going to make it more expensive but I think what it is is it's like the demand aspect or like how like what's going to be easier to sell and and kind of like Jay what you're saying like there's there's definitely a price point where it's like yeah if it's above like fifteen hundred dollars like grade the book by all means but then when you get into that like it's a 500 book range all of a sudden you're in this weird spot you know if if like let's say there's a you got a 5-0 book that's graded and then you have what looks like a raw 50 book I feel like a lot of people would almost rather buy the raw one for whatever reason like maybe it's a psychological thing or like they just think oh I can just like I can press that one up or like I don't need it in a slab and that one might be easier to sell or be faster to sell now and I think that that's kind of maybe what what at least this conversation is too you know right and it's funny that you said that because I was going to kind of talk about the demand um you know you had said you know going it's taking a step backwards a little bit we had said that you know during 2021 and early 2022 There Was You Know The Raw books you know were were listed equal to the graded and and some of the sales they were really close um and do we do you think it's because because and I think the same goes for now but then the demand for everything was so high yeah and there's less places to look up a raw value than there is obviously a slab value and and it created almost like a frenzy where books were going so fast that you didn't really have time to think is this like am I getting the right price for this raw book you just saw that book somebody told you you had to buy it it looks like it's priced and a lot of new buyers not knowing that uh near mint book is not the same as buying you know uh nine eight or a nine six or even a nine four right technically shouldn't be um but do you think that the supply I mean excuse me the demand is what's really um driving some of these prices raw and slab because you even mentioned that the consolidation of certain grades where we are seeing higher grade books sell for less than lower grade books because at that time maybe just nobody was looking to buy that book maybe one was bought on a buyer now and one was bought on an auction when no one was really looking somebody's I and you showed a a book that a 5-0 sold for like eighty dollars less than it's count like then a 4-0 and not too far apart yeah so I feel like that's got to be demand causing that right yeah I think so for sure I definitely think that the the demand has cooled down so like it's it's uh not like there's any given day like any of these books just depending on who's watching you know could sell lower or higher so like there's just a lot of like volatility in that middle section and then but compared to 2021 and 2022 you know I think there was a point where it's like let's say you had a book that you know the graded version can get you a thousand and and then maybe it was like normal for you to sell the raw for I don't know like 700 bucks right but then all of a sudden I think people just started to kind of get greedy in 2021 when everything was going crazy and you're just sort of thinking to yourself well why would I sell mine for 700 when I know this guy's just gonna send it in to get graded and I'm leaving money on the table you know all of a sudden so that's kind of why I think people were raising those raw Book prices because they just knew that oh if you're just going to get it graded and it's going to double the value like why wouldn't I just sell it for that yeah and I like what you said about the the you know kind of the flip and you know I know some people it's like a bad word but not on this channel you know it's like you know if somebody buys that rule book they think there's more potential for it down the road and and again with an overall dip in the market you know maybe you're buying for a longer term hold maybe you're buying to try to you know maximize your value and I think I I think it was what we just talked about like the lower the higher grade selling for less one week apart this and that is just a result of a a big downward dip in in the market right so a lot of things are coming into play that are causing you know some of these weird prices on on slabs um sprinkle in some some really big missteps this year with with grading companies people's desire to have that that book in a mylar if it's an older book and now you're starting to see a little bit more demand for raw books than graded books which is just gonna naturally cause an increase in price I mean yeah again there's gonna always be those steadfast rules right the nine eights the modern nine eights nine sixes you know certain like books over a thousand dollars you're always going to see that but I mean for me just in the past three months since I've started kind of starting to buy comics again I've been paying attention to a lot more auctions of books that don't necessarily have anything to do with news or keys or anything like that and what I've been seeing is you know those lower grade Silver age books that aren't necessarily that expensive you know a four or five you know in this book in a four or five sells for seventy dollars but a raw four to five oh you know 4050 is selling for 90.

and and I've seen that my own personal experience and I've seen it over and over again and I think it's a reason it's it's because of all the reasons we've been talking about so I don't have a specific example it's just I have been seeing this time and time again over the last few months have you guys noticed something like that as well I mean because I I keep seeing it happen and it's kind of sometimes it doesn't Shock Me A lot of times it is because I'm like that's not really like a filler book like that's kind of like a book that I could see people having in that grade but obviously not to these group of buyers they'd rather have it for more money in a slab I mean in a mylar totally do you think there's like a is it like there's always the like I've kind of said it in jest in my video but it's like if my book is raw and I know it's a VG there's always like in my mind like well maybe it's a 5-0 right you know versus like when it has the number on it I know this is the number and like good point I don't know so do you think that there's like a weird collector psychology that's kind of coming into play these days even with the number on it is it really the number right that's what yeah yeah good point I don't know yeah I'm just a piggyback you Jay that's all yeah no and I like what Roy said in the in the chat and supreme said something that I I'm gonna disagree with that you know these graders are human and everybody makes a mistake and listen I get that but when it comes to money and collectibles and you're paying top dollar to have these books graded you're paying top dollar to get your books pressed and cleaned before all this happens I don't want to hear it's a mistake and I think it's a combination of people maybe smartening up with money a little bit and losing faith in these grading companies listen people aren't blind that cgc got so many artists coming in and they're so distracted by this and there's private signings and I get it listen me and Matt spoke earlier today and Matt said it if you live somewhere where there's not big cons where you can't get these books signed it it gives collectors a great opportunity to send your books in to get them signed but it seems like cgc pushes everything to the back burner for these signatures now I mean they're having kit Harrington there they're having the girl from Hawk like this it got to stop at some point focus on what what you're there for to grade books right I don't want to hear oh we made a mistake no I don't want to hear that because they don't refund you in any way yeah they really don't make things right and we've heard I have a horror story that we're going to talk about in a little bit um the person happens to be in litigation with cgc and we can't talk about it right now but when that's all said and done we're gonna talk about it and it has to do with them losing books and it and it's a disaster man like listen I don't want a mistake and if and if my book is I think it's a nine eight and they bring it back a nine two and nine four or even a nine six and there's no notes [ __ ] that I want to know why this book didn't hit that 9 8 at least give me that respect you know what I mean yeah so it's not even about respect you deserve to know you're paying right exactly yeah 100 you're paying for it take take respect out of the equation you're paying for a service so when you pay for something you expect the service in return especially if it's like like I think of like Amazing Spider-Man 300 like the price between a nine eight and a nine six is like yeah thousands of dollars right so like and you sent it in like you you need that explanation like why is you know yeah correct what do you got there and I just think I think overall is collectors and now you know everybody being in the community and being in a Facebook group or being on Instagram and seeing all these mistakes that are being made I think people are starting to lose faith in cgc and greater books and I think that's another main reason why people are gravitating towards raw copies if you get your hands on the raw then you can take your time and you have it and maybe when things get fixed or things get better you can send it in so that's another reason why they're gonna they're gonna grab them now while they can and then this way they have them in their hands in their possession but Dave Cerrone is yelling out and wants some Eva for swaggle house he said King of the charts and grass so give them a little Eva hey that defects guess who's back for some more Super chats yeah baby let's go defects let's go defects it's either going to terrificon possibly wow possibly he couldn't even say that with a straight face there could there could be something in the works yeah you never know oh spoilers all right I never know you never know that's all we'll say all right let's look at a little bit of data there's I didn't want to get too crazy with the detail on this because it is a little hard to work at so we're gonna give two specific examples where's that low Super Chat very good yeah he comes in a perfect timing look comes in perfect timing no like whatever he's always lurking he's got us on in the background while he's flipping through about 10 000 books at a time so let me bring so one book that came to mind that's been hot so it kind of doesn't give an excuse right it's a hot book so it kind of levels the playing field there's Kanan number six right we all know that's been in the news right for for uh one reason or another and I think that's that started around I think April 6th or 7th I think that's when the trailer came out so I tried to kind of look up uh I want to look up some raw copies so let me share my screen if I can [ __ ] do this share screen Chrome tab there we go okay now we could just bring it up all right so I wanted to bring it back to around the seventh and again I'm not you know some of these are best offer so it's not I guarantee that this this second one here sold for 120 but let's just assume it was close right so obviously this news I'm trying to get to the first raw copy this is right okay so right around here you have this 85 dollar sale for a very fine near mint you guys can still see me right yeah all right then we have this 140 Plus you know best offer obviously let's just assume it's somewhere between 125 and 130 for this this near mint book right on that first the first day um you know if I just kind of scroll up 115 120 100 let's go back to the first page sorry about that my screen's skipping a little bit uh let me bring it to the bottom for whatever reason my screen is not cooperating here we go it's kind of skip over the raws for now uh I mean the slabs for now you know this was an 80 copy near mint so that was a really good deal I would say 90 uh 80.

Back in the 80s now we're getting back up to the 117s you know we're back on the rise right 81 uh this was 175 uh best offer so that's I mean even if it was 140 that's still a definite jump this was 140 best offer so to me I mean you know this was a little lower that I look I think I looked at that earlier I had a spine tick this was like a VF near Main copy this 85.

basically anything near mint you can see this 160 for a raw wow you gotta assume that's near mint or better um you know you're you're over a hundred thirty dollars for these near mints and and that kind of the price was kind of set and it kind of just stuck around again this was an 88 book I looked at it had a spine tick uh 147. anything with no spine ticks was you know right in this 110 115 range to like 130 140 range right you'd see another one sold just under 140.

um so it's hard to you're not gonna really take a nine eight and say like Oh look The 98 is cheaper that's that's not what you're gonna see here right it's just this is a book that kind of has held its value for the last three years um but I wanted to just look at it compared to as far as the heat check like clearly a book sold today 145 Dollars near a minute so that that near mint price for raws is really holding strong right um so let's go over to the GPA for the 98 okay it seems like it seems I can get a better deal on on uh some other platforms other than eBay yeah I mean it's possible I'm just saying we're we're just saying can you see that this GPA you guys able to see that not yet can't see it okay hold on I should probably turn it on right there you go so GPA 9A Kanan number six um right here is when those 9 8 started selling and you can see 500 549 500.

okay those first two nine eight sales right after the news down to 450 down to 400 down to 388 jumps back up a little bit and then level is starting to level back down again 425. okay so not a ton of sales I mean it's a decent amount of sales one two three four five six seven eight eight nine eight sales in the last 10 days I mean it's not a cheap book right I mean it's strong right I mean if you look at the March 30th price let's just say let's assume that these people kind of knew something was happening right buying up these nine eights um but if this three you know this four to this 350 to 400 price range in this past month or two you know that's where where the price was so even at this later price we're obviously still above that but to me this does I mean to go from 549 to drop to 425 in less than 10 days while the raws have remained if anything have gone up you know I think the demand and again we're not talking dollar for a dollar we're talking right now in this instance Raw versus slab we're talking demand and where the value is it it looks like for this book it's people are looking for that raw book and that near me copy is still on the rise yeah I I think it may be it's just people because obviously if you can buy the book for 150 with the potential to get the nine eight I think people just would rather do that like just they just just the demand to be like you know what why am I gonna I do I really need to guarantee myself a 9 8 and spend 250 extra dollars I just think a lot of people kind of like I think what Jay you said earlier were just people just being more cautious with how they wanna do this you know I think that that's what you're seeing so people are like I'd rather just buy the raw and assume it's going to be a 9-8 or go for the nine eight or send it in and hopefully it hits and now especially with this book this book's going to be an all-time high um right you know everybody's buying up at the news I think yeah you know is the book gonna come down I think so so why invest whatever that was 569 and buy it at an all-time high when you could roll the dice and buy a raw copy and potentially get that 98 especially with a newer book like that you know but then there's other stuff going on eulers thanks for the shout out dude because I sold Oilers one of these books and he got a 9-8 on that from an old YouTube auction so thanks for that shout out dude nice um another thing man is don't forget now guys cgc is starting to give books purple labels for cleaning and pressing so that's something you gotta be on the lookout for too that's gonna change the game for a lot of people you know what I mean especially if they're hitting you with a purple label for a cleaning service that's you know we got to talk about that that's something like yeah another show but we gotta address that yeah and real quick some old school collectors like that they don't like the idea of a clean and oppressed they think they consider it restoration do I no I I don't but some people do and you gotta respect everybody's opinion on it and just like great adverse raw you got to respect everybody's opinion on it right if you look at a A Fantastic Four number five a first Doom whether someone has it raw or slab that's still a [ __ ] fantastic book man you know what I mean so I just think people are getting a little more hip to the game when it comes to cgc and you know reading the backlash and the horror story so I think that plays a big part in this too I wanted to give one more example because again you know people were immediately jumping saying the raw book is always going to be worth more I mean the the slab book is always going to be worth more and I found an example and again this wasn't hard to find it's not like I had to look forever to find this um an example of a pretty pretty big book I think um so Silver Surfer number three and this book I picked for a reason and maybe you'll see later on why but I'm not going to explain why right now um so this Silver age major villain key okay in a lower grade um sold for 3.95 best offer I looked it up it actually went for 365.

Okay um and let's look I don't know if I'm going to be able to show I'm gonna I'm gonna zoom in a little bit and then I'm gonna try to bring up a whole book let me see what that looks like I'm gonna have to use the magnifying glass a little bit so this corner can you guys kind of see that yep you know that spidering you know I'm just gonna go slow to me this looks like the back is pretty clean I mean to me this looks like somewhere between a four and a five probably five is on the very high side but if you just say if you just say maybe like a four or five just because of this corner here and The Tear at the top um but even if you want to go high and you want to say five I mean am I in the ballpark yeah I was gonna say a four right off the bat as soon as you started showing I was gonna say about a four but but you know what I'll even give the benefit of that and let's let's just say it's a five okay um now I wanted to see what a four or a five was selling for in a graded copy so remember this was 360.

This book which it's not like it had like a hidden defect that somebody can see these are like right in front this guy had a lot of pictures uh of every corner like you can really and this was I want to say it was best offer okay so again you're not under the gun to uh you know the auctions running down maybe you bid too much and then have that buyer's remorse this is a book that has been sitting out there okay so I want to go to GPA real quick and this will kind of be the last example of this but I had to I had to bring up something just to kind of say are we on to something here uh let me share it with you guys okay so right off the bat let's just say it's a five which again I think that's a little high last sale this month 380. okay um and let's just say it is a four last sale last month not too long ago 340. this raw book at 360. is I by all metrics is basically equivalent or more you're paying more by the time I mean you're paying more for it essentially for a raw book and you would that same book and it slabbed and it's in its slapped form um and this isn't like a tiny book this isn't like a book that nobody's gonna buy in that grade I mean there's been five five sales this year I mean excuse me there's been five five oh sales in this in this book this year that's I mean it's a lot of that's a lot for you know a 1968 you know for one grade it's been four months I mean that's you know in a book that it's not like it's super hot for any reason right now so I mean this is you know maybe it's the exception but this exception didn't take me more than five minutes to find so I feel like this is happening more than people realize expect more downward Trends on this book now that they're gonna [ __ ] gender swap my fist though so expect that book to come crashing down soon well Danner right that and that's the question was it an outlier and we could sit here for hours and look at every raw book and try to grade it out but again this this was literally the first rule book I found it's not like I cherry-picked it you know and I mean we can if you want I guess we could sit here and look for the next raw cell I mean I just want to take a quick look see if anything stands out so that's a good point too because that could be how many sellers does how many you know followers does the seller on eBay had what did he post it as exactly you know what I mean I think a lot of that comes into fact there too yeah I mean that one didn't it just said c I think it said c picks for the uh for for um for Whatchamacallit for condition right it's not like he was just I said if anything he showed every single defect it's not like you were he was getting one picture that maybe somebody didn't look close enough at he showed every picture so here I'm going to show you another one I mean this is actually this is even in a better example um just because that and appreciate you Dan Hart coming coming into the whatnot sale the other night uh where is it where is it let me get rid of that one uh but yeah no that was a good question and actually I'm glad that you made me look at this uh uh stick with me for a second there it there it is share that up okay so this was an election so different style this is an auction um 368 dollars so right in that same price range I want to say that this book is slightly nicer but it has a spine split all right you can't really see from that but that has a spine split right and a decent one um some some spine issues for sure you know that bottom corner is is not as bad as the other one um you definitely that's you know that's worse than the other book that that little Mark right there but that spine split you know one inch spine split you know you have that uh right in the v there you have uh that that cut right in the v or that slice that's that's color breaking um this looks like it presents nicer though it definitely presents better but I would say again though this is probably a Max 5-0 because you have a spine split that's at least an inch um now maybe not as many people know about that you can see that that bottom corner is chewed up you know but maybe not as many people know about a spine split like kind of wrapping your grade but I mean even if you want to say this is a 5'5 right like Max you know so the five fives you know the 5-0 selling for 380.

you know so it's like that they're still very very close right like so you have to assume someone would want to pay to press it and then send it in and do that so whatever that fee is on top you know so it's pretty close oh yeah I mean the great is if you're if you don't know someone and you're saying it let's say you're sending in a single book if you're sending in a single book graded clean pressed to an outside party and then shipped to cgc created that's a minimum and at this price point Silver age I'm just doing some round numbers shipping both way like you're looking at 90 to 100 dollars well unless for everything let's use an Express CBP which you have a discount code just throwing it out there you know so automatically that 360 turns to you know 460. so and again I know not everybody bidding on eBay is going to have that same knowledge of the spine split is thinking of the cleaning and pressing and the grating but again this is the the second book I found right if that second book that I found like is literally the second world sale on this book if that was the second book I found and it went for like two 260 I would say sure then then yeah maybe maybe it's just an anecdotal it's it's a single instance it's the it's the exception again I do think that moreover the slabs are going to sell more but I think you know in certain instances and it's becoming more apparent even in my eyes that the the the raw books are selling for equivalent if not even a few dollars more of their raw counterparts depending on like Jay said earlier depending on the grade depending on the book depending on the error so and guy could you throw up Fizzy's comment real quick because I I like that that's a great comment bottom line is who do you trust more do you trust C uh cgc cbcs more or some Rando on eBay who mindlessly props near mint in their listing title and that and that's a great Point dude and that ex that's exactly why I said in the beginning of the show if I'm buying a high priced book like ss3 um online from eBay from whatnot from Instagram whatever the case may be I gotta buy that book slap just for that reason alone so you're absolutely right when it comes down to that I do trust cgc and cbcs more than some dude posting it up on on eBay or whatever selling platform they're selling it on so I I'm gonna pose one more question to you guys and you just take take over and then we'll move on we'll talk about the Jonathan Majors thing but you know we can sit here and say bad buyer you know misrepresentation somebody overbid it somebody didn't realize that didn't think about the grading and this and that but at the end of the day doesn't that sale still count and doesn't it still set a price point doesn't it still affect the next sale like obviously when it's egregious people just throw it away but Mickey I mean it's it's still it's gonna like if you're looking at that and you see that that book sold for this price aren't you gonna still enter you know put that into your equation of what you should pay for the book 100 it totally counts you know and and I think you know you didn't pull up all of it but even when you were kind of saying like just just in peer it just is empirically true you know because I I agree with you it's we could talk about SilverStar for three but I bet if you pulled up Thor 165 out of Morlock you know you'd see the same types of things going on or if you pulled up like the Wonder first Wonder Man book you know you'd see this it's a lot of these types of you know they're big keys but they're it's not like an ASM one you know like a case point it's like ASM one shirt like you know that that's gonna be different but a lot of these types of things it happens a lot you know and and we're seeing it repeat itself again and again what do you think Jay final word yeah I mean I I pretty much you know spoke my piece on it um uh dependent on the book right just like make said is it is it a big key yeah it's a big key is it a Grail no it's not a grill um I think at the end of the day it all comes down to the buyer and the collector and and and what they want for their I do see a push and raw books being more uh more in demand now you know especially you know coming from King Khan and going more you know you see more people all the time buying these books raw and whether they're submitting or not but it's definitely you know cgc and cbcs they are a million you know big big companies but they are definitely catching backlash from collectors in the community without a doubt without a doubt I mean NJ without just just to kind of put like just an extra piece of evidence in there and again this is this is just our personal experience this is just what we're seeing you know like we've made it clear that we still think that you know slab books overall are going to be more valuable but again we're talking about demand which you know it's more than just a dollar right but Jay without saying any names without saying what book it was without saying the grade or anything like that didn't we just have a conversation with someone that said maybe I should just break out that book and sell it wrong because I'll probably get more money for it yeah 100 yeah you know so this is how right like so I don't know um it's an interesting conversation and as soon as I watched the video that Mickey did and if you guys want to check it out his link is in the description um it just so many ideas like it kind of brought to kind of to the Forefront what I had been seeing these past three few weeks you know just perusing eBay perusing whatnot you know just and and saying to myself I can't believe that raw book just sold more than what I just looked up a 5-0 to go for and I know this book isn't a 5-all you know like so I don't know I think it's an interesting conversation I saw a lot of good comments on there unfortunately there's four of us we I wanted to address every single one but then we'd be here for three hours and yep we can't do it we'd love to but um but don't go anywhere we're not done yet we still have more to talk about after we talk about a couple whatnot shows coming up uh Jay you selling tomorrow night brother yeah I am popping my cherry it's like I said every show for the last three weeks since we announced this I'm officially selling my soul officially tomorrow um YouTube just wasn't working dude I guess this is this is just the only way right now we'll check it out um I won't be selling a lot on there but I'll definitely be selling some cool books that I know are probably gonna go for a lot lower than I'm expecting get your deals it's a good time right it's getting books to you guys in the community everybody's winning I'm making a little bit of money maybe you're getting books you like we're gonna have a good time we'll all be up there chatting like a show so it is what it is right now right let's go that's it yeah Jay's going tomorrow night 9 45 we start off with e-rod seven o'clock at 8 30.

do you hear me I think my earbud died Mickey can you hear me yeah I can still hear you okay so both of you both here yeah it's just Jay then um yeah Jay goes on 9 45 tomorrow night e-rod first at seven very Gary at 8 30 and then we're starting at 9 45 probably go till about uh 10 30 10 45. a couple giveaways gonna be in there and like we said if you haven't been there yet it's all three of us hanging out just like here on YouTube so it's like a little mini show on whatnot we talk about whatever happened there will be something that seems to something that happens either Monday night or Tuesday morning and it's always after our show so we so we've been talking about that on whatnot as well so it's like you get like an extra show um and maybe you buy some books so links in the description even if you're not buying just come hang out with us it's something we can like we said we're giving books away we're bullshitting with you guys so it's more than just selling the books so the defects you're doing another show on another day just come by I mean it's I mean it's content maybe it's kind of what do you ask for that's it so be Supreme love a supreme love I think I still have that Thor 166.

I still have that Maddie right yeah I think so yes you do I think I do you want to DM me you have Instagram DM me there you go sliding that slide in that DM brother um the um so yeah what up thorough in the chat yeah um look at the shirt Link's in the description and the QR codes on the screen look at the shirt keep it thorough baby how did you know to wear that thank you Cog CLG in the house CLG we're gonna be talking about we're gonna be talking about CLG next week we just didn't have enough time this week but we got clg's got some we've mentioned it before on this channel but we got a giveaway for you guys next week so I'll just tease that and we'll leave it at that but make sure you're tuned in next week on YouTube because we got a nice giveaway and if you want a giveaway Jay's doing two [ __ ] awesome giveaways tomorrow and I was like you're giving those books away yeah Jay's in the chat because his earbuds died I don't know if he's gonna jump back in or he's done but we quickly just wanted to talk so tomorrow night what not 9 45 come hang out bookmark the shows that helps us out a lot links in the description or QR code on the screen tell us about the last thing we're going to talk about here well I mean this is just funny I I I obviously it was in the news there's some big chat big channels I mean we're like we're like this we're like this I mean there's some big channels throwing some videos up there about and uh Canyons having some you see what I did there with the words Kang is having some Majors issues we saw this with the ads got him you know got him that's all um I mean guys do you does this hold any I mean how about this I go to my cousin Vinnie does the defensive case hold water so um speaking on the hot mic podcast Insider Jeff Schneider I've heard his name before uh and I've seen I've read this I read this too so go ahead I'm excited for it um brought up uh the cat uh Idris okay and that's that um damson Idris who is set to play opposite Brad Brad Pitt in Apple's upcoming movie set in the world of formula one here's the quote here's here's one I wanted to talk about did you see who got cast in the Brad Pitt racing movie question mark Dame damson address and if you don't know where that is he's from snowfall uh actually I really like that show I think he's from and he says I think he's from snowfall and that's and so that's like a big part right that is the the young hot shot racer opposite Brad put Brad Pitt in this 150 to 200 million dollar racing movie that is a big deal that he got that he noted that the young Talent would be the kind of the kind of actor the studio is looking at if Jonathan Majors gets the boot as Kang and again quote even though there hasn't been any movement on the Jonathan Majors front I've heard that that's the kind of actor who like who like if Jonathan Majors got the Buddhas Kevin someone like damson Idris is the type of person that Marvel may look at to replace him so they literally said they want a devs and Idris like actor swag what the [ __ ] I mean is that that just seems like we want the young gonna be influential in Hollywood for the next 10 years actor right and I want the butcher-esque to be the third defect I wanna I wanna God forbid something that happens yeah yeah what did yeah it's interesting stories like does Disney see these like tests yeah how would fans react to this if we if we recast well yeah before you cut out into Jake can you hear us yeah yeah I'm good I'm good I know I know you wanted to talk I know you had like we have a little bit of a difference in opinion on this so go first just in case you get cut off again but tell me what do you think about this because I know you threw something in the chat I know this was coming from off the Jump I [ __ ] this the mouse don't play dude they're not gonna have a dude that allegedly you know involved in a domestic violence incident and whether it disappears or not they always disappear look at the NFL look at all look look at Sports in general these always disappear because the victim gets paid off in whatever the case may be Disney don't want to be associated with any type of domestic violence especially nowadays and think about all the money they're saving now but an actor that's not as big as Jonathan Majors um I'm surprised it didn't happen sooner I'm surprised it didn't happen when the news dropped but I guess they had to get their lawyers involved and see where they go from there and that's it and you know if if you've been following it whether it's on IG or in the news more people are coming forward that work with this guy's majors and said he has violent tendencies so before anything else bad happens right like Ezra Miller I just seen Lord Brooklyn put it in listen they stuck with Ezra right I mean and that dude allegedly held people hostage but who knows but too much money on the line yeah that's why exactly way too much money on the line I mean I like I like you know I haven't seen Ant-Man 3 yet so I can't tell you my opinion on Jonathan majors portrayal of Kang but I like Kang the Conqueror and if these kids get a step up to do a good job then there you go if there's not going to be any backlash or Disney you know what I mean if there's not gonna be a bunch of protesters outside with nothing better to do than protest a Marvel movie because of domestic violence they don't want that headache so Jay on a positive note I don't know if this was meant for you or not I was dying you want to just read that out loud oh there you go I like it um yeah man I you know they they don't want to be exactly and like Roy says is there any I mean there's people that still go out I'm excited for Guardians three it's gonna be the first movie I go see in the theaters in a in a long long time it's gonna be a fun night Cinco de Mayo think of the last Marvel movie we saw in the theaters um no we saw we saw DC movie in the theaters yeah we saw Batman um I couldn't even tell you the list oh wow Shang Chi we want and we both fell asleep yeah oh yeah yeah the second time I watched that on Disney plus I I liked it I did too you know what I mean um yeah so yeah you know Disney's not playing man you know they're good I don't know man see this is like me and Jay are on the opposite side we have been since the beginning we've got a little side back going honestly I think what like what SWAG said now I'm not saying that he won't get fired because if I think if more comes out or he does you know if the if the case goes 40 does go to trial then it's a different story my thing is I don't think it's gonna get that far I think what's Happening Here is they're definitely testing the waters like swag side but I also think they're also doing cover fire let's say they put this out and and the evidence has already come the the stronger evidence is on the opposite side so far they've all let like the last two weeks all you've seen is all this evidence being put out there in the news and I'll say evidence about how it it wasn't him he didn't do anything the girlfriend's text messages this thing and that thing that that's by design of course so but Disney now has kind of like a look we would have done this if something happened we covered our ass like if this if if this guy was guilty or we felt like he was guilty or it did go to trial we were actively looking for a replacement already so don't don't yell at us I really think this is just more cover they're still waiting to see what's actually going to happen I think if everything That Remains the Same as it is today let's say nothing changes nothing happens this doesn't go anywhere no new evidence you're not going to hear a word about this it's just gonna die off yeah this goes to trial that's a different story if honestly I don't even think it's going to make it that far but it is New York it's a little like if this happened in a different state you know this would be a slam dunk not going to trial New York's they're a little harsher with with the you know domestic abuse so we'll see I mean it'll be interesting I I don't think you're going to see anything happen anytime soon but like if a cell phone video comes out of him him beating him then it's game over so so if you're saying if they were in all of [ __ ] Bama and they killed a good old boy there is no way that this is not going to try it right for that's this equivalent of this yeah to be honest with you I don't even think this goes to trial yeah it can't it can't go to trial if you don't have a uh well we'll say a victim or someone alleging something to begin with and yes he did he did make the 9-1-1 call but you know how Disney is guys it's it's it's a very very mindful liberal company and they want to protect themselves say they don't fire him and something else happens which you never know could and do I feel bad for the guy if it's not his fault yeah absolutely but we all know this is how Disney functions man we it was it was how they functioned but now that they're losing money is it still how they function so that's going to be what's interesting this is a big play right here that's a big play and it's going to be it's going to be crazy to see what they're gonna do with it honestly I don't I don't think he goes anywhere if you don't hear any more about it I agree with Matt and who knows who knows what goes on behind the scenes with Disney they could be they could have been looking to out this guy before it happened he could have had problems maybe more creative references and they're like oh now we got our option to get rid of this guy we we don't we don't know but what what do you think Mickey well yeah I mean like Jay was saying you know you think not that Majors his case is at this level yet but like if you compare Ezra Miller it seems like Warner Brothers is willing to like stick with it versus like Johnny Depp Pirates of the Caribbean Disney brand it was like all right get this guy out like as soon as the the thing came out so Disney I think does have a shorter leash probably when it comes to this type of stuff which is crazy which I'm not to interrupt you I'm sorry but yeah which is crazy which is crazy to me because of Johnny Depp and how big Johnny [ __ ] Depp is yeah okay that that that's an enormous enormous and he he is that franchise no matter how you no matter how you cut it he is that Pirates of the Caribbean franchise and they're [ __ ] for what they did to him well and go ahead Mickey You're I'll let you finish because I'm probably gonna say what I was going to say well go ahead go ahead no no it just and my last little point will be I think it'll be interesting because they probably need to make the decision by Loki right like when we get a Loki trailer will he be in it you know just said in the chat will he be in it we'll know then we'll know before then yeah yeah that's a good point but is but I mean you guys brought up um Johnny Depp and just take it a step further is he the reason why they won't jump the gun this time because they clearly [ __ ] up with him they fired him and and crossed themselves a billion dollars because that's what that movie would have brought the next one it would have brought a million dollars a billion dollars and they cost themselves that because they just jumped the gun yeah I mean clearly there was some stuff there but all of the allegation as to really why they fired him all turned out to as far as we could see in court were false and listen my dog my dog stepped on a Beat what listen at the end of the day Disney doesn't give a [ __ ] about any of these actors they don't give a [ __ ] about fighting that's true if this guy continues to do what he's doing he's out they they have no lawyer none of these companies have loyalty to anybody so don't don't be surprised all they see is dollar signs it's just like they really do have oh sorry I was just gonna say and they really do have the easiest creative out compared to any of these other actors and all that stuff for sure yeah sure it this is a tough one though this isn't like an actor like that nobody knows or an actor on his way like kind of in the Twilight of his career this is a this is an actor that is literally breaking out in front of our eyes yep true right so like this is this is Disney's not gonna just wave a magic wand at this one like they have to be sure because of what happened with Depp what's happening with their bottom line the fact that the [ __ ] whole entire Saga is based around this guy this [ __ ] guy based on what's happening with Ezra Miller like they are this is literally on the their top of their desk every single day trying to figure out what's the best move they're not gonna just they're not gonna just say [ __ ] it and we'll deal with the consequences either way they're definitely not going to dismiss him lightly I'm not saying that they're definitely not going to dismiss them but this isn't just like you know what let's save face get rid of this guy and whatever it is it is like they can't afford to do that right now they are not in the position to be able to do that yeah because think think of all the other stuff that comes along with that toys right yeah merchandise yeah his likeness and all that exactly it's it's this this guy was set to this guy was said to be the next biggest [ __ ] actor dude yeah she still might be yeah he still might be but you know it's it's Disney's viewers and their perception of someone which is which isn't fair to him and just like it wasn't fair to Johnny Depp but listen I I have no faith in Disney and you guys know that who watch this channel so wait is it sorry jay no no go ahead if you guys are Robert Iger what would you do assuming like you've heard different things and you you're just you're clearly you don't know but what would you do right now innocent until proven guilty that's that's my opinion that's how it used to be right yeah that's the law isn't it no it is the law but can they wait that long with all this hinder teetering on it I'll go to jail on this Mr I am the Lord I don't know that's tough that's that's a really Jay makes a really good point because if they wait too long if you go too far down the rabbit hole I mean right now is the perfect time because if you didn't see Ant-Man spoiler alert three two one John the majors character we don't know what happened to him maybe he died maybe he did it maybe got sucked back into a different realm we have no [ __ ] clue but they could easily say he went away and it changed the face of every Kang variant I mean it's literally built into being the decision being made right [ __ ] now and that's what makes that's the problem with the easiest out they have the easiest out they always do they had it before problems like this with the Multiverse oh this is [ __ ] up let's just blame it on the Multiverse that's a lost my interest you know what I mean give me a character and let him stick around from this universe don't give me all these other guys and multiple oh [ __ ] a supreme love I got I gotta I gotta I know I know just said something too a supreme love yeah he's saying the projections are low but we'll see Mike Tyson for Kang all day it's in the Multiverse I gotta follow him I gotta follow him through the through the strategy all right guys I think we're gonna wrap it up you guys have anything else to add before we get out of here everybody what do you got going tell us you know I'm Mickey I know your your Kickstarter just wrapped up yeah you just wrapped up with the kickstarter uh give us a quick uh how did it go how was the experience yeah it was great uh you know last time I was on the show you know you guys helped me out and got the word out which I really really appreciate and we we hit our goal and so you know there's no turning back now now I gotta deliver and so I'm working on that so it's it's really exciting and and yeah I can't wait to to get the book out to everybody so and you want to you want to officially uh tell the people where you're gonna be in the next couple of months uh well tomorrow I'm going to be going to uh a what what not auction right the principal defect what not one oh look at that I'll be there right and then uh yeah I'll be at uh I'll be going to terrificon I think hopefully we all get to meet up in person for the very first time so that's that's definitely yeah I don't know if that's gonna be good for you but okay start taking your milk thistle now everybody buy stock in uh in uh Pedialyte I'll tell you that I love the rose comment I think Standalone films by Marvel and DC are the way to go so do I dude it's like a reading a One-Shot comic and you could do everything doesn't have to be intertwined I don't understand why they get this concept that every I I get why they do it a standalone movie dude would be awesome like I'd rather uh uh and not from Disney I'm not gonna say Disney but I'd rather a standalone Punisher movie I'd rather a standalone Daredevil movie like movies used to be then everything tied in and then you got to worry about this and that so great but but do they have to be absolutely Standalone I mean the model that worked in phase one two and three I mean those movies while they were intertwined they didn't necessarily feel like it until the end and if and if there was it was like one single point of the movie yeah that only a hand only a certain percentage of the audience actually understood that there was a connection that model worked it was proven right I mean they were putting the Avengers together to fight you know basically a common phone damn it Thanos in The Infinity Gauntlet but it worked but it's not working now it's not well I I feel like they've amped it up and right past the point of where it worked I mean why not a standalone movie every once in a while agree you know what I agree I mean still in the same universe there's still going to be that connection no matter what but like why you don't have to make it be like where does this fit in like you just said like a standalone Punisher yeah it doesn't necessarily have to fit into what they're doing right now I would definitely like to see that I feel like they probably should have done that was just the Standalone thing and then throw in the hey there's cap Shield Easter egg you know yeah in The Shield building that they walk into you know Chad Chad makes a good point he said the single greatest thing done in cinematic history there's 23 movies culminating with the last two it was epic and would probably never be done again and that's the problem so we're trying to looking like it yeah they're trying they're trying to yeah yeah they're trying to do it you're trying to recreate awesomeness like and you know what maybe you can and DC does it look at Batman you just get a Batman movie you know what I'm saying that's totally separate from everything else that's it just don't leave celestials in the ocean I think that's something you know just just like have smaller scale third act fights oh yeah seriously listen this is this is see like we're getting into a topic now another topic that we could talk about for hours and hours and hours but hopefully in two weeks we have good news well it would be yeah it would be two shows from now that maybe maybe Guardians changes things a little bit we'll see we'll see we'll talk about that next Monday but uh I think we're gonna get out of here this was a really great show Mickey swag I really appreciate you number one loaning us or giving us the the starter fluid to get to continue this conversation that you started uh make sure you guys are you subbed up the swag make sure you're watching his videos the link is in the description and I really appreciate you coming on here with us yeah thank you so much for having me on it was a lot of fun Jay guy appreciate you boys as always see you guys tomorrow night see you in the chat if you're going to be hanging with us and whatnot tomorrow night we're going to do a little bit more discussion while we sell some books all three of us so come come hang out all right boys and girls appreciate your defects we'll see you tonight if not

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Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) Skills and Counseling Techniques with Dr. Dawn-Elise “Doc” Snipes

  CEUs are available for this presentation at AllCEUs.com/CBT-CEU Hi everybody and welcome to today’s presentation on cognitive behavioral therapy skills. Like the other the presentation we did on assert not assertive community treatment acceptance and commitment therapy, which is also based on just providing information about skills that can be used not providing an evidence-based practice we couldn’t cover that in a full hour or just an hour so over the next hour we’re going to define cognitive behavioral therapy and its basic principles a lot of us are familiar with this but it’s going to be a good review and it also may highlight some nuances that you didn’t know about will identify factors impacting people’s choice of behaviors explore causes and impact of thinking errors and identify common thinking errors and their relationships to cognitive distortions so why do we care well as therapists we want to help people figure out the best way to live a happy healthy meaningful goals-driven life for some people that’s going to mean using some cognitive behavioral interventions that can be in addition to mindfulness that can be in addition to a lot of other things but it’s important to help people understand that the way we believe things to be the way we interpret things is going to affect our reactions so for example think about a situation you know you’ve walked into and maybe you walked into it with a small child and it was a different situation it was a new situation but you know it was no big deal you walked in it was not a threatening situation to you because you were like hey I got this the little kid walks in and goes oh wow there are a lot of people walking around here, this is the really scary same situation as two different perceptions you probably didn’t have much of a stress reaction going on whereas the little child probably had this fight-or-flight thing going on grabbing onto your hand like please don’t let go Atlanta Airport is a perfect example if you’ve ever taken a little kid through Atlanta Airport gives you an idea about how people can perceive things differently and when you enact that fight-or-flight the reaction you’re going to have all those stress hormones you’re going to have all either anxiety or anger or whatever that goes with it it may serve to exhaust the person and leave them feeling hopeless and helpless so what we want to do is help people see that but we also want to help them see that when they’re depressed when they’re tired when they’re sick things are going to seem a lot worse a lot of times because they don’t have the energy to perceive it differently I mean when you’re sick it’s overwhelming to think of going through Atlanta Airport so this is what we want to help people start understanding is it’s two sides of the same coin they interact if one is you know kind of going wonky is going to affect the other one the good thing is if one’s going well the other one’s going to go well if you’re having positive thoughts you’re probably going to feel pretty good there’s an activity and I think we’re going to talk about it later it’s called the coin flip activity and I asked client clients to flip a coin in the morning and in the morning if it turns heads then they have to be the most positive Pollyanna all day long look for the silver lining and everything smile walk with their head up hold those nonverbals up and see how they feel at the end of the day besides a little sore because there are muscles they’re using they haven’t used in a while if it lands on tails they can just be their normal selves which generally if they’re seeing me means that they are depressed anxious stressed out angry about something in the negative realm then we talk about how did things seem different on the days when you were feeling better when you were walking taller when you were smiling even our nonverbals it doesn’t even have to be sickness it can be our nonverbals that can make us feel or make our body feel heavy and tired and make it seem like it’s a whole lot harder to deal with life as a person who perceives the world generally good and believes they can deal with challenges as they arise that good old self-efficacy will be able to allow their stress response system to function normally so if they’re like you know what I can deal with whatever life throws at me I’ve got it and maybe I need help with it maybe I’ll need to ask for support but I’ve got it it’s not going to completely overwhelm me with people who see the world as hostile unsafe and unpredictable you know for a variety of reasons whatever happened to make their scheme as such that they don’t believe that people or the world is trustworthy are predictable they are always on guard they’re always kind of like a hamster in a cage that has Have you ever had hamster hamsters don’t recognize you and go hey that’s my own or human contact score hamsters go run under their little house and you just kind of open the cage and stick your hand in there and flip over their house and you’re like come here and give me cuddles and you’re like you know 200 times bigger than they are so the little hamster is like freaking out this is what it’s like for people and obviously, I’m exaggerating but this is what it’s like for people who have a negative perspective a negative view or a hostile view of the world so kind of keep that little hamster in your mind cognitive behavioral therapy we have core beliefs those things that are in our hearts when I talk with my clients about honesty step one and that’s what they’ve got to do to start recovery is get honest with themselves first and then other people we talk about head heart and gut honesty do you think it’s right does it seem like the right thing to do does it feel right in your heart you know does it make you happy it doesn’t make you feel good and then the spidey senses is your gut saying and or is your gut fine if one of those is saying this might not be the right choice and we need to think about what’s going on so we have those core beliefs and I put them in the heart just because that’s the middle of the head heart and gut but you have core beliefs about yourself whether you’re good with you’re bad whether you’re effective at certain things ya ya you have core beliefs about other people same thing good bad effective predictable and you have core beliefs about the future and a lot of that goes with the locus of control but also your past experiences if the world in the past is seemed unfriendly and uncontrollable and you’ve perceived it that way then you’re going to expect the future to be uncontrollable so what we want to do is help people look at their schemas and their core beliefs about themselves others in the future and figure out kind of what they want it to look like these schemas are going to affect your behavior and your thoughts and your feelings and you know you can pick wherever you want to start it doesn’t matter because all three inter interface with one another so if you haven’t let’s start with negative thoughts if you have negative thoughts then you might feel anxious angry stressed dysphoric which will affect the behavior you’re going to do different things than if you have positive thoughts about something you feel excited and energized you’re going to have different behavior the best thing example I can give you is if you’ve ever done public speaking or had to present something some people detest public speaking it’s just terrifying for them to get up in front of a group of people so their thoughts am I going to trip up I going to forget what I’m going to say I’m going to make a fool of myself I’m going to you know it can go on forever that when you get on a roll you can get on a negative roll and go on forever or positive hopefully get on that roll with those thoughts you start holding onto those thoughts remember as we talked about in a CT the other day when you hold those thoughts and you kind of mush them around in your mind and you come to believe them that you’re going to make a fool of yourself and it’s going to be awful you’re going to start feeling terrified likely which is going to likely affect your behavior if you go out on the stage and you’re terrified you’re going to probably stutter you’re probably going to get foggy-headed you’re going to have that fight-or-flight reaction so there’s an the adrenaline rush and you start sweating and you can’t focus and you can’t concentrate you want to away as opposed to somebody like me who loves public speaking and I’m just like cool I get to go out there and try to engage however many people are in the audience it’s a game for me because when I can see your faces I enjoy trying to figure out and make eye contact with people and figure out what it is that they’re there for what is it that’s going to make them tick what resonates with them so my behavior as you can kind of see right now when I go out there I’m excited and I want to engage people and it’s a fun experience for me again just like the airport the same experience for two different people and two very different interpretations and reactions to it so what effects I don’t like the term rational but when we’re talking about CBT irrationally comes up a lot I like to replace it with helpful because every behavior in its weird sort of way is or probably was rational at one time that being said we’re going to get back to that stress affects our behavioral choices if we’re under stress we can have negative emotions negative emotions will affect our thoughts if we’re feeling sad we’re probably going to look at the dark side if we feel sad we’re going to look at the bottom falling out if we’re happy we’re probably going to look for that silver lining physical factors if you’re in pain sick sleep-deprived poorly nourished so your body can’t produce the neurotransmitters it needs to or heaven forbid intoxicated you’re probably not going to make the same decisions as you would if you were comfortable healthy well-rested nourished and not intoxicated any of those things can go impact how you perceive a situation or how you react in a situation, especially the intoxication whereas in your non intoxicated State in your sober state, you may think that you want to do something but then you’ve got that filter that goes not not a good idea in an intoxicated State or even in a manic state if you’re you know if you have somebody with bipolar that filter kind of goes away so the behaviors that someone may normally not do because they have a rational filter that goes you know punching this guy outs probably not the best idea right now the filter goes away when you’re sleep-deprived you’re less generally people are less patient generally people don’t have as much of a filter thing about watching your children if you have children or your grandchildren or even yourself I know myself when I’m sleepy I am giddy as all get-out and things I wouldn’t normally say because they’re you know stupid I’ll just come out and say anyway and my kids just roll their eyes or mom you’re overtired could go to bed, uh but that’s okay you know I’m okay with that in that situation now if I acted that way at work it would be a worse thing environmentally if you’re introduced to a new or unique situation and you perceive it as stressful because the unknown we know can be stressful then you may not make as rational of a choice or as helpful of a choice because you maybe trying to escape the same thing as exposure to UNPROFOR bellowing for a the word here but UNPROFOR ball is the best I could come up with we all prefer certain situations some people as I said would rather do just about anything then get up in front of a lecture hall of a hundred and fifty people and talk but if they have to do it then they’re going to be under stress which may affect how they do things so we want people to understand that their perception and their feelings are affected by a lot of other things not just you know an emotion here or a particular memory there’s a lot that goes into it and social if peers your family convey irrational thoughts as necessary very standards for social acceptance people may tend to cling more to it to those unhelpful thoughts and unhelpful behaviors you know in CBT they say irrational because quote nobody wants to associate with those people you know who are those people and why can’t we associate with them there are a lot of things if you think back think high the school you know high school is pretty rough if we’re going to talk about having irrational thoughts and cognitions if you have to be part of this particular group to be accepted you have to do this you have to do that but do you really so those kinds of all-or-nothing statements are cognitive distortions and while they may have served a purpose in some way shape or form in the past we need to encourage our clients to take a look at them now and go are they still helpful ways of thinking is it still helpful for me to think that I am only successful if I live in a million-dollar house in a gated community and do this that and the other or can I be can I define success a different way or do I define success differently and lack supportive peers to buffer stress so we had those peers that caused stress by talking about the half dues and categorizing and lots of attributions but then there’s also not having somebody to go you know does this make any sense because sometimes we are our own worst enemies and if we go to a friend and we go you know this is what I’m thinking and I think I have to do this in order to be acceptable to be loved or you know whatever the case may be most people are not going to use those exact phrases a good friend is probably going to listen and go yeah you’re right or no no that’s way off so supportive peers are essential to reminding us to consciously regularly check in with our cognitions to make sure that they are hopeful and rational so a note about irrationality and this is mine this is not from CBT the origins of most beliefs for rational and helpful given the information the person had at the time and their cognitive development their ability to process that information so concepts and schemas and core beliefs that people formed when they were five are probably going to be very egocentric you know the person is going to feel like everybody sees it my way because this is how I see it you know just like a five-year-old does a five-year-old doesn’t think well you know let me take Johnny’s perspective is no he assumes that Johnny sees it the same way so it’s going to be egocentric it’s probably going to be focused on only one aspect of the situation because small children can’t focus on multiple aspects and it’s probably going to be dichotomous it’s all-or-nothing mommy loves me mommy hates me and it could be personalized you know everything a lot of kids think that everything has to do with them so if something happens something bad happens many times children will take it personally or be afraid it’s going to happen to them again you know if hurricane Katrina hurricane Andrew those sorts of things you know we saw a lot of trauma in children and they developed very real fears about thunderstorms and hurricane season and if you’ve watched Florida hasn’t had a notable hurricane in years now but there’s a lot of stuff that goes into that but young people during some of those really bad hurricane seasons perceive those situations differently okay so we need to help people understand that if we especially if we use the term irrational those thoughts you formed when you are knee-high to a grasshopper and they made perfect sense to you back then but now that you’re an adult you’ve got more experience and you’re able to take different perspectives your brain is more developed let’s take a look at it and see if you can look at different perspectives and come up with something a little more helpful maybe a different way of perceiving this situation the irrational irrationality or unhelpful Nosov Fox comes when those beliefs are perpetuated without an examination so something a the belief that you formed when you’re five you’re still holding when you’re 35 and you’ve never questioned it you’ve never gone you know does this make sense is this is helpful to get me to where I want to be most of us don’t know we form these attitudes and beliefs when we’re you know growing up when we’re in elementary school middle school high school from watching TV to being around our peers from being around our family in our community and we get all this input of the way things should be and a lot of times people don’t stop to question and go and go well does this make me happy is this really what I want and they can be irrational if they continue to be held despite causing harm to the person so the person continues to hold this belief even though it is causing them general emotional cognitive harm is making them miserable we need to look at why what’s motivating them to hold on to that belief why is that belief so important and how can we make it so they can live a happy values-driven life emphasis on the happy how can we make it less harmful sometimes it’s more productive for clients to think of these thoughts as unhelpful or helpful instead of irrational sometimes when I say irrational to clients and you know I’m the same way if somebody says you’re being irrational I’m like oh I’m not it elicits this instantaneous defensive the reaction’s like when you tell them they’re being resistant they’re like I am NOT being resistant so helpful or unhelpful and then we talk about why it is unhelpful in getting them toward their goals basic principles of cognitive behavioral therapy we teach or help clients learn to distinguish between thoughts and feelings I can think something is scary I’ll probably feel it but if I have an automatic you know feeling I walk into Atlanta Airport and I see yeah I went to an airport in New York I can’t even remember which one it was because my plane was diverted and I got off and I walked out there and I have never seen so many people packed in his place like sardines before in my life I was just completely overwhelmed that was kind of an automatic feeling now that was a feeling based on you know who knows it was overwhelming to be surrounded by that many people so then I had to separate the thoughts and go okay what am I thinking that’s making me feel so overwhelmed and at that point you know I didn’t know how to get to my gate and all that other sort of stuff with traveling I don’t travel well but encouraging clients to stop and go okay why am I feeling this way what are my what thoughts am I having that are contributing to these dysphoric feelings CBT helps people become aware of how thoughts can influence feelings in ways that are sometimes not helpful we have hecklers in our gallery the automatic tapes that we plaything memories that we have whatever you want to call them that when you try something when you are just going through daily life you hear these voices in the back of your head and not real voices but that is saying you’re never going to make this or if you would have just blah blah blah then you’d be a the better person helping clients become aware of those thoughts and how they’re negatively influencing their feelings and keeping them kind of stuck is a huge part of CBT we help them learn about thoughts that seem to occur automatically without even realizing how they may affect emotions again those thoughts from they’re saying you’re not good enough you’re not smart enough and nobody’s gonna like you where did that come from and do you believe it you know maybe it came from somebody when you were in high school so was that a valid source maybe it came from somebody yesterday on Facebook was that a valid source taking in those thoughts and then figuring out is this something I’m going to hold because it makes me happy or is this something that I’ve got to deal with because I’m having a negative reaction constructively evaluate whether these automatic thoughts and assumptions are accurate or perhaps biased the other thing to remember is a lot of our clients not all of them but a lot of them hold themselves to a standard there’s like up here and they hold everybody else to a standard that’s down here so they are a failure if they don’t achieve this but everybody else is successful as long as they achieve this so encouraging them to take a look at how accurate and biased or unbiased are the thoughts and like I said they may be their thoughts they may be telling themselves these things evaluate whether the current reactions are a helpful and good use of energy or unhelpful and a waste of energy that could be used to move toward those people and things important not impotent important to the person road-rage you’re in the car, you’re driving somebody cuts you off okay natural reaction fight or flight reaction you’re just like slam on the brakes and do whatever you got to do aversive maneuvers you’re good so you could let it go at that point ago got lucky on that one and keep driving most people not all but most they found that 80% of drivers have reported incidences of road rage which is a high number but most people will start getting all fired up and irritated and grumpy and we and just rageful and so my question would be I hear that and I hear that it made you angry in retrospect did screaming at the person as you pass them at sixty miles an hour in your car with the windows rolled up does any good did it do any good at all what else could you have done with that energy if you wouldn’t have expended it all yesterday we had to wait for the vet to come by and my daughter just completely wore herself out worrying about when the vet was going to get there what he was going to say about her donkeys and was beside herself so by the time it got to evening and it was time for her to go to her martial arts class she didn’t have the energy to go she’s like um wiped out I just want to go to bed in retrospect we’re looking back and saying okay now tell me what it was that you were so stressed out about and let’s talk about whether that was a realistic and helpful line of thought to perseverate on all day long and what could you have done differently because she didn’t bother to mention any of that to me yesterday and then developed the skills to notice interrupt and correct these biased thoughts independently causes of these thinking errors information processing shortcuts when we form schemas and we encounter a situation that reminds us of something in the past like when I go to my grandmother’s house I have a schema I have a belief system I have you know stuff that I know about my grandmother’s house so when I go to my grandmother’s house it’s kind of a shortcut to knowing what to expect when I walk in and how to behave how to do different things and it helps me plan and predict if you’re using outdated or dichotomous all-or-nothing schemas it may cause thinking errors because you may be now incorrectly processing current events mental noise some of us have it a lot of us have it not everybody thinks about trying to focus and study for a final exam in the middle of a really busy sports bar, okay this is a cause of thinking or you’re going to miss important things you’re not going to be able to focus you’re not going to necessarily attend to the correct things because there’s just so much else going on your attention is drawn in 17 different directions and or the brain’s limited information processing capacity due to age we talked about that before young kids think all or nothing they think dichotomously egocentric ly middle school-aged kids and older start developing the ability for abstract thinking by the time we get older, you know as adults theoretically we’re able to you know think pretty well and think pretty clinically about different events but if we’re in crisis when someone is in crisis and it could be like what we think of clinically as a crisis or it could be they’re just completely overwhelmed and burned out and have been burning the candle at both ends for three months they’re not going to process information quite as well they’re not going to take in all this stuff because they’re just like shell-shocked have you ever seen teachers in the hallway of like an elementary school Oh at the end of the second nine weeks they just kind of stand there with this blank look on their face they’re not processing as much as they were the first day of school and you know God loved them they have a lot to deal with but we need to help our clients understand that there are some times that they are going to have to really stop and focus write things down so they can remember or they can make decisions a little more my guess is most of us have times in our life when we’ve been able to think through complex problems but then there are other times where you just can’t keep it all in your head and you’ve got to put it on a whiteboard maybe that’s just me but we want clients to understand that they are not broken they’re not faulty they’re doing the best they can with the tools they have and the knowledge they have and our job is to help them see where some of this might have gone a little awry other causes of thinking errors and emotional motivations I feel bad therefore whatever I’m thinking must be bad if I’m scared that means whatever it’s coming on the other end of the phone is bad news moral motivations I did it because it was the right thing to do and that can be an excuse for doing wrong behaviors as well it can also be you know you can argue on the moral one social influence well everyone else is doing it so it must not be bad set that again a lot of times and this is where the frames approaching the motivational interviewing is helpful f stands for feedback about the reality of what’s going on is everybody doing it let’s look at statistics you know not subjective information let’s look at objective information so the impact of these thinking errors makes people want to fight or flee when they get upset and we use upset as a kind of this all-encompassing garbage term emotionally they get depressed or anxious we don’t want to feel that way anxiety and anger are flee or fight fight or flee it’s our body saying there’s a threat you got to do something depression is your body going I give up I just don’t I don’t even have the energy to do it anymore behaviorally some people withdraw they shut down we all know people who get frustrated when they get overwhelmed when they start feeling hopeless or helpless they just kind of withdraw from everything and everyone’s addictions numb that out so they don’t have to feel the dysphoria sleeping problem and changes when we start being on that constant fight-or-flight hyper-vigilant sort of thing going on in the body is always sort of turned on which means you’re not going to sleep as well then the circadian rhythms get messed up which starts causing exhaustion and lethargy and then everything seems harder because you’re sleep-deprived and then you start thinking more negatively and more hopelessly you see where this is going it’s a downward spiral and eating changes some people eat a lot more because they’re eating comfort foods some people eat a lot less because their stomach is so torn up from the stress they can’t even think about holding anything down physical stress-related illnesses fibromyalgia gastrointestinal problems headaches neck aches backaches you know the whole the gamut of it when you start feeling bad when you start hurting generally it gets frustrating after a while and that frustration makes it kind of raises the the bar brings you up a little bit so you’re that is much closer to kind of just kind of being overwhelmed you don’t have as much of a cushion as you would if you were happy healthy well nourished not in pain and socially a lot of times we will get irritable or impatient with other people or withdrawal when we’re having these negative cognitions these thinking errors that are keeping us in a dysphoric state these effects of thinking errors contribute to fatigue and a sense of hopelessness and helplessness which intensifies thinking errors this is an important concept that I want my clients to understand and I want to drive home in this presentation so thinking errors what are they emotional reasoning feelings are not facts and we want to help people to learn to effectively identify feelings and separate them from facts so if somebody says I’m terrified okay that is a feeling what are the facts supporting that feeling why are you are terrified what is the evidence that you are in some sort of danger right now you know and danger may not be the right word for your client at that a particular point in time but what’s the evidence that there’s a threat in what ways are this similar to other situations maybe it’s triggering something from the scary past or you know you were too little to be able to handle it but you can handle it now and how if you dealt with similar situations like this, in the past, we want to help people just step back and get some distance between their feelings and their thoughts and try to figure out you know which thoughts are helpful and productive and even if a sought makes people anxious or angry it can be helpful it may be telling them hey dude you need to get your butt up and get out of there if it’s helpful it means it’s moving them toward where they want to be happy healthy safe and values-driven life so happy and helpful developed a stress tolerance skills when people use emotional reasoning they feel emotions which then they start attributing finding the facts to support those emotions instead of looking at all the facts we want to help them learn to tolerate their distress so they can kind of let that subside for a second they can accept their feeling they can name they can say I’m scared I’m stressed I’m angry and whatever but they don’t have to act on it right then they can tolerate the distress for a minute without having to try to make it go away and emotional regulation skills they can feel a feeling without having to make it go from zero to 120 you know if they feel sad they go I feel kind of sad instead of grabbing onto it and going I wonder what I feel sad about I must feel sad about all these sad things now I’m going to be sad and devastated so we want to help people learn how to regulate their emotions identify them accept them whatever word you want to use and tolerate them because feelings are there for a reason, they’re to tell you your brain thinks something’s going now thankfully we have that higher-order cognition stuff going on so we can contradict our brain and we can go you know maybe that’s not true in this situation cognitive bias negativity mental filter whatever you want to call it people who focus on the negative they walk in they get up in the morning and they look outside and it’s partly cloudy they get to work and they said instead of saying there was it was very light traffic they said there was a fair amount of traffic everything is always the flip side of what somebody who’s optimistic would say so asking them what’s the benefit to focusing on the negative in what ways is this helpful to you you know some people say well it keeps me from getting disappointed because I know it’s going to end up negative anyway so we can trap challenges that know that whatever it is they think they know and see if there have been exceptions when it hasn’t turned out that way what are the positives to this situation I give the example a lot of you know I wash my car or it rains and maybe I wanted to go out on a run that day but I can perceive it I can look at the positives you know the rain washed my car for me so I don’t have to do it now score it watered my garden all the better it knocked down some of the pollen out of there even better I can find and I can encourage people to find positives in a situation yes there are negatives to every situation if you want to find them you’re going to find them but if you want to find the positives you can too which takes us down to what are all the facts there’s the positive and the negative and the neutral I told you earlier about the coin toss activity having people toss a coin on the heads days they act like it is just the greatest day to be alive and see how things are different when they do their journal because you know I have my clients do I’m sort of a mindfulness check-in in the morning and in the evening and preferably at lunchtime how are they feeling what’s their emotional state what’s their energy level on the happy days a lot of times it can be less and sometimes they need a little coaching throughout because some of those old patterns kick in but I want them to start challenging some of their automatic thoughts that we’re going to talk about in a minute disqualifying or minimizing the positive most of us can probably say we’ve had a bunch of clients that do this they are more than happy to tell you about all the things that they mess up but then when they do something right they minimize it encouraging people to hold themselves to the same standard they would hold everyone else to and I know I talked about that earlier ask them things like would it minimum would you minimize this if it was your best friend’s experience your best friend came to you and said I just got into such-and-such college would you say awesome or would you say anybody can get in there how would that go ask them what is scary about accepting these positive things that you might have had an accomplishment for some people it means that it might mean other people expect more of them for other people they just don’t know how to accept the positive they don’t know how to accept compliments they don’t know how to be the center of attention and they don’t like it and then we want to look at why that is sometimes we disqualify the positive because it fails to meet someone else’s standards so as people might that be true here you know I know when I was growing up and going through college and going through school and everything got my doctorate but I will always be ever and always being not a real doctor because a Ph.D. is not an MD and I’m like really so is it somebody else’s standards or can I feel good about having a Ph.D. egocentrism my perspective is the only perspective I’ll being egocentric but it doesn’t work most of the time so encouraging people to take alternate perspectives maybe you’re texting with someone and they say something that is not that you interpret as not the nicest thing and this happens in a text messages a lot and they get upset now an egocentric thinking error would say that purse is just grumpy today someone that’s taking other perspectives would stop and go back and read the text and go I wonder if maybe this could have been taken some another way you know cuz their reaction is not what I intended so egocentrism if you hold on to that I don’t understand anybody else because you know I don’t see a problem with anything personalizing and mind-reading this is when you assume that everybody’s frowning because of something you did your boss walks down the hallway and looks at you and grimaces and continues to walk on oh I must have done something wrong no maybe he just got out of his senior management meeting that was five hours long and he’s got to go to the bathroom you know there could be a hundred different explanations for why that happened so encourage clients to ask themselves what are some alternate explanations for this event that doesn’t involve me you know why might this have happened if they hold on to that, I must have done something wrong but as soon as their boss calls them up and goes hey can you come to my office for a second you know where their thoughts are going to go I’m getting fired I’m going to get laid off I don’t know what it was that I did wrong but he walked by me two weeks ago in the hallway and grimaced and I’m just I’m the worst person in the whole world but where did that come from so encouraging people to not necessarily assume they know what’s going on in someone else’s mind and not automatically attributing every person’s negative behavior to something they did how often and then ask them how often has it been about you now think about the last 10 times you’ve taken something personally how many of those 10 times has it been about something you did versus something with the other person then the availability heuristic remembering what’s most prominent in your mind so asking clients what are the facts ah the most obvious one that we talk about is plane crashes you know it is way dangerous to fly on a plane because you hear about all those plane crashes well yeah you hear about A few planes crash but you don’t hear about the 20,000 every day that land safely so you remember it and it seems more dangerous because that’s what is in your mind that’s what is available to you that’s what you’ve based your thought processes on because maybe you didn’t know that 20,000 planes or more fly and land just perfectly every day this can also be true with people remembering what’s most prominent in your mind sometimes and this can be very very true in domestically violent relationships if somebody falls in love with someone and that person is just the greatest person since sliced bread for the first four months and then the cycle starts and there’s this little tiny a sliver of the honeymoon period after the battering cycle and the person’s like that’s the person I fell in love with that’s what I remember and they try to focus on what’s most prominent in their mind and they ignore the rest of the stuff so we need to encourage people to look objectively at the facts magnification are you confusing high and low probability outcomes what are the chances that this is going to happen how many clients have we worked with that have gone to the doctor and gotten in a physical or get a test run and then the doctor had to call them back and this could be true for you too and the doctor had to call them back two or three days later when the tests came back from the lab and that whole three days they were just in a panic because they were afraid they were going to get some terminal diagnosis so thinking about high and low probability outcomes another instance or example of magnification is somebody that thinks this is the end of the world whatever it I think I’ve told you before my little story about um tripping when I was walking down the hall at work and falling and yeah it was embarrassing my folders went everywhere and yeah but in that big scheme of things will it matter that much from now you know are people gonna think oh she is such a clutch she must be a ditz too no I mean they may have thought that at that time I don’t know but you know in six months nobody’s going to remember and then ask them in the past when something like this has happened when you’ve had to get a test done and you’ve had to wait on results or if you’ve done something that was embarrassing and you didn’t think you thought everybody was going to remember it forever how did you tolerate it how did you learn to deal with it building on those strengths that they already have all-or-nothing thinking errors these are things like love versus hate I love them or I hate them it’s all or nothing she does this all the time or she never does it if I’m going to do it I’m going to do it perfectly or I’m not going to do it at all thank you all good intentions or all bad intentions you know sometimes we do things with good intentions that have some bad repercussions so did we do it with all bad intentions are all good intentions and the answer is neither most of the time life is kind of in that middle-ground gray area encouraging clients to look and find examples where something hasn’t been one of the polls when having they do something that they’re proud of that wasn’t perfect or when again when has somebody else done something that they were proud of that wasn’t perfect remembering that with availability heuristic remembering how often something really happens and how long it’s been since you’ve seen that behavior and remember that sometimes good times are amazing but how frequent are they compared with the bad times another thinking error is a belief in a just world or a fallacy of fairness I just asked clients to identify for good people you know who’ve had bad things happen and in reality we all have bad things happen good people do bad people do in between people do attributional errors and this is a pet of mine you know labeling yourself is not a behavior so global versus specific and I am stupid versus I’m stupid at math I don’t have good math skills it’s not about me it’s about the skills I can change skills stable I am and I always will be versus it’s something I can change it’s something I can learn internally it’s about me as a person versus it’s about a skill deficit or something I could learn or change and there’s you know lots of information on attributions out there on the internet if you need a refresher on it but we find that a lot of people who have dysphoria have negative global stable internal attributions so questions for clients remember the beliefs equal thoughts and facts plus personal interpretation another way of saying it is reality is 10% perception is 10% reality and 90% interpretation so what are the facts for and against my belief is the belief based on facts or feelings do the belief focus on one aspect or the whole situation does the belief seem to use any thinking errors what are alternate explanations what would you tell your child or best friend if they had this belief how would you want someone to tell what would you want someone to tell you about this belief so if you’re telling somebody about this what are you hoping they’re going to say in return and finally, how is this belief moving you toward what and who is important to you or moving you away from what or who is important to you now they can do a worksheet and have all of these or you can pick one or two of these questions that are most salient for your clients but they can have kind of at their fingertips so as they’re going through the day and something happens they can ask themselves ok what’s an alternate explanation or you know whatever it is this is salient for that client’s irrational thoughts about how to do these thoughts impact the client’s emotions health relationships and perceptions of the world you know this is what we want to ask them how is this thought impacting you globally how may this thought has been helpful in the past where did it come from how does it make sense from when you formed it in the past when you’re dealing with it ask the person if the thought is bringing you closer to those that are important are there any examples of this thought or belief not being true and how can the statement be made less global less all-encompassing so it’s about a specific incident a specific situation less stable which means you can change it and less internal which means it’s not about who you are as a person but maybe something that you do or a skill that you have so we’re going to go through some of these thoughts real quickly here mistakes are never acceptable and if I make one it means that I’m incompetent well never is kind of stable and I am incompetent is kind of global that’s also that extreme all-or-nothing thinking so you can see where these cognitive distortions end up leading to unhelpful beliefs when somebody disagrees with me it’s a personal attack well there’s personalization if I ever heard it before maybe it’s not about you may be they’re having a bad day and you just happen to be the unlucky target or maybe they’re disagreeing with you because they have a different point of view and it’s not a personal attack it’s just their point of view if someone criticizes or rejects me there must be something wrong with me personalization all-or-nothing thinking global stable and internal something wrong with me as a person to feel good about myself others must approve of me now this is one we’ve talked about external validation before and we can’t control other people to feel good about yourself how can you do that besides necessarily requiring other people to approve of you to be content in the life I must be liked by all people Wow I’ve never met anybody who’s liked by all people I’ve never even met anybody who’s been hated by all people but it’s important to help clients see how this is dramatic to say all people and for them to be content then everybody has to like them I mean I like to be liked but if everybody doesn’t like me you know that’s pretty understandable my true value as an individual depends on what others think of me I would challenge this one this is all you know also, very personal internal I would challenge people to look at and say it so your child’s value as an individual depends on what other people think of he or most people would say no but the perspective thing nothing ever turns out the way, you want it to okay all-or-nothing thinking and probably the availability heuristic if something bad just happened then they may be focusing on that which causes them to focus on all the other bad things in the past that have happened not to focus on that is okay you know bad thing happen but look at all these good things I won’t try anything new unless I will be good at it this fear of failure fear of rejection it just really paralyzes a lot of people when they get stuck with that thinking the area that they have to be perfect I am in total control of anything bad that happens is my fault well that’s egocentric and personal if they think they’re in total control that’s their perception of how the world are they think if they’ve got everybody on marionette strings anything bad in the world that happens is their fault how powerful are they I feel happy about uh if I feel happy about life something will go wrong it happens sometimes but let’s look at times when you’ve been happy that something hasn’t gone wrong you know let’s get rid of that all-or-nothing thinking it’s not my fault my life didn’t go the way I wanted could be true but it seems like that’s making you unhappy so what do we do about that if I’m not in an intimate relationship I’m alone no, again that’s pretty extreme I’m either in an intimate relationship, or I am alone and a loner and you know it’s just me and my 17 cats which follows with there’s no gray area so encouraging people to look at what these beliefs are saying important thoughts impacts behaviors and emotional and physical reactions emotional and physical reactions impact thoughts and interpretations of events so if you do something and it’s pleasurable and you have a great physical reaction you know let’s take bungee jumping or skydiving if you go out there and it’s scary but you do it and you’re just like whoa what a rush your interpretation of that is probably going to be good which means you’ll probably do it again if you go out there and it’s just the most horrible experience you’ve ever had you’re probably not going to do it again and your interpretation of it is going to be not good which is going to make it hard to understand why other people would do it irrational thinking patterns are often caused by cognitive distortions so let’s just look back at some of those because there are a lot fewer cognitive distortions or general ways of thinking about the world then there are thinking errors because there are lots and lots of thinking errors cognitive distortions are often schemas which were formed based on faulty inaccurate or immature knowledge or understanding and by identifying the thoughts of the hecklers you know the automatic tapes that are maintaining our unhappiness the person 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Abandonment Anxiety– Video corrupted See https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XQWUYWeiHB0

 
  this episode was pre-recorded as part of a live continuing   education webinar on-demand CEUs are still available for this presentation   through all CEUs registered at all CEUs comm slash counselor toolbox I’d like to welcome everybody today to the presentation love me doesn’t leave me addressing   fears of abandonment the purpose of this presentation is really to help us help clients   increase their awareness of their story including beliefs about behavioral reactions to situations   that trigger their fear of abandonment so how do we do that well the first thing we need to   figure out is what fear of abandonment is and how can we identify it in a clinical set setting then   we’re going to explore the concept of schemas or core beliefs and these are things that are formed   in early childhood you know if you remember prior classes we’ve talked about early childhood   cognition is generally very dichotomous in children young children don’t have the ability to look at   that gray area so these schemas if they’ve gone unchecked can lead to some very extreme belief   patterns which lead us into common traps in thinking reacting and relationships if your   schemas are based on all-or-nothing you either love me or you’re going to leave me hence the   name of the book then your reactions are going to tend to be more extreme and more all-or-nothing   which increases anxiety because then anytime a person who perceives any amount of disapproval   obviously is going to go to that extreme so we want to talk about bringing it more toward the   middle line and helping people learn to appreciate and love themselves for themselves while they may   not approve of the behaviors of other people they can still love other people so just because somebody   doesn’t approve of your behavior doesn’t mean necessarily that they’re going to abandon you so   we’re going to talk about that and then we’ll learn skills necessary to help people accept   their past as part of their story maybe they do have a lot of abandonment issues and you know   some people do and it really is painful it cuts to the core especially when those abandonment   issues occur in early childhood when kids going what that does so we’re going to talk about that   and help people learn how to integrate it into their present and we’ll learn the skills necessary   to acknowledge that their past does not have to continue to negatively impact them in the present   so if they were abandoned when they were a child you know we need to deal with that however if they   continue to expect that every significant person in their life will abandon them notice I use the   word every because we’re still in those extremes then they’re going that the past is negatively   impacting them in the present so we’ll talk about how to sort of moderate those belief systems how   does this impact recovery whether you’re talking about addiction or mental health issues connection   is a basic human need we are not meant for the most part to be Hermits in the middle of the   woods there are introverts and in my husband’s an introvert he has a couple of really good friends   he needs quiet time each day he doesn’t need to be surrounded by people and he’s fine but I mean   we’ve got human connection he’s not going to be one that’s just going to you know move out to the   middle of nowhere I’m an extrovert on the other hand and I tend to have a lot of acquaintances   and a lot of friends I draw energy from being around other people so just because   someone doesn’t have 150 acquaintances doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t need connections so   we want to recognize that connection is a basic human need when infants are born they are put   on their mother’s chest when we embrace each other whether it’s mother and child or friends   or whatever a chemical called oxytocin is released and it’s our bonding chemical we are programmed we   are hardwired for connection and oxytocin is a very rewarding chemical so we want to recognize   this that if people are so afraid of abandonment that they push everybody away what are they losing   as far as quality of life as infants and children survival is dependent upon the relationship with   the primary caregiver so if mom or dad wasn’t happy if mom or dad was rejecting the young   child was pretty much helpless to think about a child who’s growing up in a family that’s just riddled   with addiction and mental health issues and the primary caregiver or caregivers are completely   emotionally unavailable they may be physically there but they may be so high or so depressed or   so psychotic that they cannot attend to the children’s need what does that communicate to   the child feels abandoned the child feels a sense of neglect for people’s beliefs about   other people and relationships were formed largely based on their interactions with their caregivers   so if this child was going mom I’m hungry and nothing happened or worse yet child was going   mom I’m terrified and nothing happened or they were just given a pacifier and told to shut up   then that is they were told they were communicated to that their beliefs their feelings their wants   and their needs were not important so they were being rejected healthy relationships serve up as   a buffer against stress so even if they had all these negative experiences in early childhood teenage years you know maybe up until they walked into your office it doesn’t mean it   has to continue and how much can they gain from having healthy relationships with a lot of clients   that I work with who have pretty significant abandonment issues can’t even fathom trusting   someone enough to be in a healthy relationship so we’re going to talk about how to sort of ease into   that because you’re not going to say don’t let your past influence your future and we’ll wave   a magic wand and they’re ready to trust people even once you point out that what happened in   the past was largely not their fault or maybe not even their fault at all they’re still going   to have difficulty not accepting responsibility and going everybody leaves me so what talk about   that addressing beliefs that formed as a result of these relationships the past dysfunctional   relationships we can help people create a new understanding of events was mom or dad or   caregiver really being rejecting were you being abandoned emotionally and physically because of   you or because mom or dad just was able to do what they needed to do to be a caregiver at that point   in time they were doing the best they could with the tools they had but it wasn’t enough to meet   your needs so we want to talk about alternate explanations for why parents and caregivers may have   behaved in that way if you have a young child well an adult now but who was put up for adoption or   abandoned by their caregivers at a young age the a young child was probably very confused because   one moment their caregiver was there in the next moment they were in the system so they were   trying to figure out what did they do wrong and why doesn’t that person love me anymore it must be   me because children really can’t see well you know mom is not able to function as a parent   right now or dad is having difficulty coping we want to help people better understand themselves   in their reactions so that when they start getting this urge to just cut all ties and be like you   know what fine you know I’ll take my ball and go home no problem what does that mean at there’s a   certain point in all relationships in all healthy relationships that you know sometimes people have   to distance themselves from one another because it’s becoming dysfunctional but for the most part, people will in relationships encounter hiccups will encounter disagreements but in   healthy relationships, they can work through them in relationships with people who fear   abandonment there are going to be two extremes there’s going to be complete compliance and   please don’t leave me or complete disengagement and whatever I don’t care the final thing we want   to do is help make people more conscious of what they’re doing so they can make healthy   decisions in their current relationships so when they get that urge to either comply or disengage   is that a healthy normative reaction right now or are you reacting out of your past experiences the abandonment experience in childhood survival depends on caregivers a four-year-old left alone   for five days is not going to do so well you know they may be able to scavenge food but   once the food runs out where do they get it you know there’s only so much that a child   can do an infant can’t even get their own food so survival depends on their caregivers and if   their caregivers fail to meet those needs there are high levels of anxiety and I will refer regularly   to caregivers who are emotionally unavailable and emotionally absent in addition to physically   unavailable or absent because some parents and I worked in the field of co-occurring disorders for   over two decades and some parents just they are so overwhelmed and so paralyzed by life itself they   can’t even attend to anything else that’s going on they’re doing good just to be breathing but   if they have a child and that child’s needs are getting neglected and fear of abandonment is a natural   survival response when your food source goes away what happens you start to freak the freak out so   this is normal we look at this and say that that’s that’s natural if a child thinks about the first   time you take a child to kindergarten or pre-k or daycare or whatever it is and you drop the   child off even if they’re securely attached what do they cry because they’re afraid that   mom or dad won’t come back and they’re afraid of this new situation that’s changed securely attached   children will you know adjust and then be happy to see mom or dad when they come back but the point   is there’s that initial oh crap reaction meeting biological needs and safety are key triggers for   anxiety at any age so we’re talking about housing we’re talking about safety we’re thinking about   Maslow’s hierarchy if somebody is not meeting the child’s needs or if the person is not getting   their needs met then they may have high levels of anxiety and I add to the safety concept not   only physical safety but also emotional safety people need to feel safe in their own heads and   they need to be free from emotional abuse when focused on survival people can’t focus elsewhere   so if they’re not getting their physical needs met guess what you know if you take somebody who   is in pain who is sick who is hungry and who is homeless are they going to work on self-esteem   are they going to work on relationship skills no, they’re focused on survival they need to have   those basic needs met they need to have a certain sense of security if they are in a situation that   is dangerous physically obviously they’re not going to be focusing on how can I better myself   when they’re worried about somebody coming in and hurting them physically likewise it’s hard to   focus on how can I better myself when everywhere they turn they perceive someone telling us you’re   not okay you’re stupid you’re lazy you’re bad you were the worst decision I ever made in my   life they can’t focus on personal growth when all they’re getting is these verbal beatdowns all the time so people need to have acceptance if they don’t have acceptance kind of the opposite of   acceptance is abandonment two kinds of extremes again we’ll bring it back to the middle every   stressful situation becomes a crisis the in securely attached child now you can go back to   and read Bowlby’s work on secure and all that kind of stuff great reading but for the short version   of this presentation remember that certs securely attached children feel anxiety when their parents   leave but then they can adjust and they’re happy to see the parents return in securely attached   children feel a great amount of anxiety when their parents leave and are terrified that mom or   dad won’t come back and then when mom or dad does come back it’s your very very clingy or very very   rejecting so with this child that’s in securely attached it’s just like one to a hundred as soon   as something happens that they think they may be abandoned you see this pattern again in adults who   are still struggling with these abandonment issues that schema that they’ve formed and I’m getting a   little ahead of myself that schema that they form says if you let this person at your site or if   this person disagrees with you or if this person criticizes you they’re rejecting you and they’re   going to abandon you so we want to you know check in with those cognitions and look for trying to   make those thoughts a little bit more helpful in infancy or early childhood if caregivers were away   for long periods of time because of work because of military, if they were in jail if they just   chose to be away or if they passed away children may experience some abandonment issues now if   the parents are away because a parent is a way because of work or military or even jail and the   other parent can help the child work through it there’s much less drama if you will there’s much   less issue with abandonment issues in totality now if it’s whatever parent it is if the pay, if the father happened to be the one, went away that person may have some residual issues with   adult figures in their life that they need to deal with but they may not know I’m not saying that   every child of a soldier or a service person is going to have abandonment issues that are so   not true however if the experiences of the time apart was not handled in a way where the child   felt secure then it could have consequences that are going into present-day if in early childhood   caregivers were inconsistently or unpredictably physically or emotionally present so think about   a parent who has major recurrent major depressive disorder addiction or is just ill-equipped to deal   with a child when I was working at the treatment center in Florida I had 14 15 16-year-old young   women coming in and having babies and you know what does a 14-year-old know about giving birth   and raising a child so it’s not that they weren’t necessarily trying you know they didn’t have great   role models raising them in most cases and so they don’t have anything to work with they don’t know   how to be a parent they’ve never been taught so it’s not always I don’t want to pathologize or   make the parents look like bad people because I believe that people do the best they can with   the tools they have at any given time parents don’t choose to be sucky parents sometimes it   happens but I really don’t believe they choose to anyhow off my soapbox in later childhood as the   child becomes elementary school middle school age if they’re a poor family fit or they feel   like they’re the black sheep they just don’t have the same beliefs that the other people do   they don’t seem to have the same interest that their family does they may not feel accepted   especially if the family’s going no that’s wrong to believe and invalidate them so going back to   that psychological safety if they’re constantly being told their ideas are stupid they’re wrong   they have the wrong point of view and they can feel very isolated something can happen that   ruptures the relationship with the primary care giver whether it’s abuse or you know some kind   of other trauma and introduction of a new less an emotionally or physically safe caregiver can also   lead to abandonment if the child feels like the biological caregiver chose a new spouse over him   or her say if you see where I’m going with that because if this new person comes in and is less   safe is abusive in some way emotionally physically sexually it doesn’t matter the child is going to   feel like they didn’t have a voice the child is going to feel like the biological caregiver   didn’t care and brought this other person in any way which leads to feelings of rejection   and abandonment so what are the reactions fight-or-flight whenever there’s a threat we   fall back to fight or flight or freeze but we’ll talk about that when there’s a threat our anxiety   goes up and we say in the past in these kinds of situations, if I fought, did I succeed if so then   we’ve got fights in the past did I succeed and if the answer’s no then the response is to flee pretty simply so anger towards someone who’s unavailable if they got angry and felt like it got them   some sort of acceptance from somewhere that might be the prevailing reaction sadness when someone   goes away a sense of helplessness this person just left me shame or self-anger about feeling   needy or about pushing someone away fears related to rejection and isolation, nobody will ever love my loss of control or the unknown everybody always leaves see how I’m using these extreme   words again and fear of failure I can’t maintain a relationship nobody wants to be with me because   I’m not good enough so the questions for clients in these situations what caused these fears as a   child so when someone starts to have these fears about a relationship if the relationship starts   to get rocking first question is what is it that you’re afraid of in this situation if you stay   together what is it that you’re afraid of if this the person leaves what is it you’re afraid of and how   likely is it that this person is going to leave based on whatever is going on right now so let’s   get some objective evidence here and another the tool you can use is the challenging questions   worksheet in cognitive processing therapy if you google it challenging questions worksheet   CPT or cognitive processing therapy really helps people walk through the logic in some of their   cognitions and identify some know unhelpful distortions so then after you figure out kind of   what the fear is then we say what caused that as a child in the past when you felt like this what   caused that and how was this reasonable or helpful you know in the past when you felt like this and   you reacted in anger what was the outcome and how was it helpful in some sort of way you know   did it get somebody to pay attention to you did it gets somebody to come comfort you, okay so you   were identifying the function of the current behaviors and then we want to say what causes   these fears now a lot of times it’s the same symp or similar stuff but we could say how are these   reactions now unhelpful because as independent you know adult-type people we can fend for ourselves   we can put food on the table we can go to work we can do we can function independently whereas this   is a child we couldn’t you know there were just some barriers to that does that mean again that   we should live in isolation and say well I don’t need anybody no that’s not what I’m   saying what I’m saying is is these fears that are overwhelming about abandonment that causes   people to push others away or cling on like you know whatever clings on uh are these reactions   helpful in the present day you know do you still need to hold on to people like there’s no tomorrow temperament based on their temperament children need different types and amounts of caregiver   interaction um some children are wide open and easily overstimulated you know my son was that   way when he was born well to this very day um when he’s awake he is like the Energizer Bunny   on methamphetamine I’m he’s just going going going and talking and talking to himself and   he needed a lot of structure and he would get overstimulated easily but we were able to help   him figure out how to handle that instead of getting mad at him for what seemed to be acting   out we were able to help him channel and figure out when he needed to take a break the introvert   may not need as much one-on-one attention with the caregiver may need a comforting word   here and there but they may not need the amount of the attention that an extrovert may need an extrovert   tends to need more interaction with parents with family with other people because they draw energy   and they think while they talk and they think while they talk with other people so they feel   a lot more isolated if they are isolated so we want to understand the person’s temperament and   how they may or may not have gotten their needs met how they may have been told they were wrong   and invalidated when they were younger and you can hear some of this is kind of going towards   Linda hands DBT environment um but what we want to look at what do you need now how can we create   an environment that’s accepting and welcoming to you now based on their needs and caregivers’ reactions children form schemas or core beliefs about the world and others so if they state their   opinion and it’s squashed or it’s ridiculed then they’re going to form this core belief that it   is not safe ever to share my opinions because I am always wrong now we’re talking about children here   but a lot of times think back for yourself there I think most of us have at least some all-or-nothing   dichotomous thoughts that come in every once in a while and you know we can catch them but if   these dichotomies go unaddressed the person starts feeling very lost and very abandoned because it’s all-or-nothing important points about children under 7 from 8 to 12 children are developing   alternative cognitive skills they’re starting to be able to think abstractly they’re   starting to be able to see the gray area and alternate explanations but even you know during   that period so zero to 12 children are having difficulty envisioning all the possibilities   so anything that happens before that we want to encourage them to look at the schemas that were   formed and challenge them to examine whether they are currently accurate and helpful children think   dichotomously when they’re that young it’s all or nothing it’s good or bad it’s not kind of sort   of something it is what it is I mean even think about thinking back to grades that we would get   it was satisfactory or unsatisfactory there was no ABCD F when we were in elementary school and   I don’t remember middle school then it was a dichotomous grading scale you either did it or you   didn’t children are egocentric so whatever happens they say what was it about me that made this   happen if mom’s in a bad mood what did I do if you know Mom is rejecting well that was stupid I’m   stupid children are very egocentric so you take all or nothing combined with all about me and you   can see we’re creating the perfect storm of children can only focus on one aspect at a time when I work   with adult clients you know they come in and they tell me that they had an interaction with their   boss he was walking down the hall and he was in a bad mood and I just knew I did something and so   we talked about that and I’m like how do you know that because he had it he had angry look on his   face okay what are some other possibilities what else might have been going on with him at that   point in time and a lot of times we can brainstorm ideas about a call he just got or where they just   left a meeting that didn’t go so well or who knows what else in this day and time when we’ve   got our cell phones and PDAs and everything there are a lot of things that can trigger a   mood besides just whoever you pass in the hallway children can’t think about those other things that   might have triggered the mood they see somebody unhappy and they’re like I’m sorry um so we want   to encourage as adults we want to encourage them to say all right what are the other possibilities even as children I try to work with my kids to encourage them to look at alternate reasons   why somebody may be acting a certain way children can’t think abstractly and consider those possible   options um even with kids you know knee-high to a grasshopper, if you’re in a situation and   maybe in a store and somebody behaves not kindly to you, you can talk about that later with the kids   and say you know that was kind of unpleasant to go through what you think might have caused that   and brainstorm three ideas my favorite number is three I don’t know why but brainstorm three ideas   for alternate explanations for why that person may have been in an unpleasant mood if children   learn to do this when they’re younger it’s a a lot easier to transition to as adults schemas   are a broad way of perceiving things based on memories feelings and thoughts basically it’s   our go-to perception of what something’s going to be like we have schemas about everything if   you go to church you have a schema about what’s going to happen when you go to your mother’s   house you have a schema about how mom’s going to behave and what’s going to happen we form these   it’s our brain’s short shortcut instead of having to analyze every situation it says oh I remember   this been here before it’s probably going to be like X Y Z unfortunately sometimes things change   and one of the things we see in addictions treatment as is as caregivers into recovery and   really get a hold on it and start working that a new way of life and sobriety and all that stuff   old family members or family members still expect that old behavior they have that schema that when   Jane comes in this is what’s going to happen because they’re remembering how she behaved and   acted in her addictive self so we want to help people identify their schemas and check them   sometimes they’re still accurate sometimes not so much schemas that trigger abandonment fear center   around the cell acceptability is this person going to like me which is one of the reasons we do a lot   of self-esteem work in reducing abandonment fears because we want to reduce the need for people to   solicit external validation we want them to say I’m all that and a bag of chips and I would love   to play with you but if you don’t want to play I’m okay with that love ability if they were   told they were unlovable if they perceived they were unlovable then in the present they   may fear isolation they may fear that they’re not lovable so they will try to do whatever they can   or likewise they will build a lead wall that is 5 feet thick all the way around them so nobody can   hurt them they may have fears about their own the competence you know thinking back to Erikson   you never thought some of these theorists from the past would keep coming up even in current practice   but they do if a child going through that period of industry versus inferiority Erik Erikson’s   stages of psychosocial development and they felt like a failure, all the time or they were never   good enough the parents never recognized their positive achievements then they may question their   own competence and feel like a failure if they feel like a failure they may feel they may believe   that nobody wants to be around them so they will leave so if I fail they will leave and fears may   center around adaptability some people are not able to tolerate any loss of control they’re just   like that they’re holding on with a death grip to the relationship to anything that’s going on and   it starts to go wonky they are going to freak out so we want to look at what it means if you’re   not in control of everything what does it mean if you trust that this person is going to do the   next right thing if you are doing the next right thing as well schemas that trigger abandonment   fears can also be sent around center around others if someone is rejecting distant cold or is unable to   handle the person’s needs then the person may not feel acceptable so if they are in relationships   with people like this then we need to look at is Is it you who’s not acceptable or is something else   going on with that person that may be making them unable to deal with anybody else’s stuff   right now the person may feel isolated if other people are absent if people fail to keep promises   they may feel like nobody’s ever there for them competence if other people are always critical   then the person will question their own competence and if others are unpredictable a lot of the time   when people who have anxiety about abandonment they come from situations where other people have   not been predictable or if they were they were unpredictably absent and relationship of self to   others if they are afraid about their ability to relate with others if they’re afraid of rejection   if they’re afraid that if they start to love they will be rejected and then they will be isolated   forever if they are afraid of the unknown and they I just want consistency more than anything and   as soon as consistency starts to waver a little a bit because as we grow things change and people   with abandonment issues don’t like things to change because that’s not predictable and that’s   not consistent so they may have difficulty if one the person starts to change what they do I see this   a lot not saying that it’s an abandonment issue necessarily but when law enforcement officers   retire you know because they can retire after 20 years so they may start a new career and   that causes a lot of change schedule changes they’re not law enforcement anymore and the   spouse sometimes has culty adjusting to it as does the retired officer but controllability   if the person holds on to relationships and everything in their life with white knuckles   because they’re so afraid if they let go of control that they are going to disappear or   disintegrate then if something seems like it’s not in their control, it’s going to be a catastrophe so attachment Styles secure if there’s an emotionally available caregiver the child   will seek the caregiver for comfort and guess what the caregiver will be there and will more   often than not meet the need for comfort with the the correct type of comfort so hungry cold scared kind   of following the child’s upset when the caregiver leaves especially in new situations but the child   gets over it it’s not a child that’s going to sit there and cry for eight hours and then the child’s   happy when the caregiver returns in this kind of attachment the child learns to trust others will   be responsive to their needs and validate their needs a child learns to be self-reliant and try   new things but if they fail they know they can return to the home base they can go out and go well   that didn’t go as planned and the caregiver will be there to say alright let’s figure out what to do   next not you are such a failure the child learns to adapt to a variety of situations because when   they’ve been faced with something that’s a little scary caregivers been there to kind of coach them   on and go you got this it’s scary I got it but you can do it the child learns to deal with   stress because the caregivers are there to coach them or to process it with them afterward because the   caregiver is not always physically there but if you’ve got children you know sometimes they’ll   come home from school and they’ve had a really bad day and you’d pull them aside and go you know   what’s going on let’s talk about it so in this way the child learns to deal with stress and the child   learns to have accurate expectations of others in the secure attachment, emotionally available   situation remember children are egocentric so if mom’s upset the child goes what did I do or   oh my gosh I hope mom’s not going to leave in a secure situation sometimes the parent has to   say something like mommy had a really bad day at work today has nothing to do with you I need to go   take a timeout that helps a child understand that you know what it’s not all about me and   I can understand that sometimes moms upset for something besides me and I can understand that   if moms up said it doesn’t mean she’s going to leave so obviously this is the ideal situation   avoidant attachment styles the rejecting or harsh caregiver the person depends less on the caregiver   for security because every time they go saying, mom mom, I had a nightmare can I come into bed with you   they’re met with going back to your own bed and the caregiver rolls over it’s not oh I’m sorry you had   a nightmare let me walk you back to your room when the child is separated from the caregiver   there’s little response when the caregiver leaves or returns because the kids like what uses that   person to me the child learns not to depend on a caregiver for comfort connection or security   now imagine yourself a four-year-old child or a six-year-old child thinking I can’t count on my   caregivers for comfort connection or security that must be a terrifying place to be and I   can see why you would develop some pretty strong defense mechanisms the ambivalent relationship between the   cave caregiver is inconsistent or can bow can’t talk caregiver is inconsistent or chaotic this   is really true in a lot of homes where there are at least one parent who is battling some sort of   addiction or mental health issue so the parent may or may not be available you don’t know what   the good days are going to be you don’t know what the bad days are going to be so the child may be   anxious and afraid to try new things or explore because they’re like things are going good right   now I don’t want to top will be an applecart just going to sit here and ride it out a child may be   clinging and demanding trying to elicit a response remembering negative attention is better than no   attention at all and the child is upset when the caregiver leaves but also inconsolable when the   caregiver returns because you know I was upset I was scared you went away but you came back and   that’s good but I don’t know when you’re going to go away again and if you’re going to come   back so it’s this constant anxiety of abandonment core abandonment beliefs all people leave so we   want to challenge that by identifying exceptions mistrust people will hurt reject take advantage   of me or just not be there when I need them you know what that’s true sometimes because people   have their own stuff so when this happens let’s look at whether it’s happening all the time and/or   let’s also look at what else might be going on with that person that caused them to hurt reject   take advantage or not be there when you needed the emotional deprivation I never get the love I   need nobody understands me cares about me or even ever tries to meet my needs here how dramatic and   extreme that is so one of the things as clinicians we can do is say if you are getting the   love you needed what would it look like what would be different what is it that you need   that you’re not getting once we identify then we can create a plan to get it but a lot   of times other people don’t understand or may not be able to interpret what you need so let’s help   let’s try to figure out how to make this happen nobody understands me alright let’s talk about   why that might be and you know let’s look at some people who’ve kind of gotten a grasp sometimes   with clients with abandonment beliefs nobody understands me translates to I don’t give a buddy   a chance and I cut them off as soon as they become confused and because they associate confusion with the rejection so we might talk about communication skills we might work on what it is that people   don’t understand and how to better communicate that and where to find people who have similar   interests nobody ever even tries to meet my needs you know here I would really look for exceptions   but I would also challenge the person and I would say when do you meet your needs what do you do   to take care of yourself a lot of times clients with abandonment beliefs are so freaked   out and afraid of being abandoned that they’re not taking care of themselves either they’re   just living and are paralyzed going back to fight flee or freeze they’re living a paralyzed state   of I want to be loved but if I love I’m gonna get hurt and I don’t know what to do they don’t even   love themselves so we want to start talking about if you had your best friend you know create this   best friend persona what would he or she say to you what would he or she do right now let’s try to   help you understand yourself with mindfulness exercises are really good here because a lot of times these   clients don’t understand themselves they’ve got so much anxiety they’re so afraid and they don’t   know where it’s coming from because a lot of it has been going on for so long defectiveness   if people knew me they would reject me you know not everybody’s going to like you why do you need   everybody to like you why is it important that everybody likes you and failure I don’t measure   up and I’m not able to succeed I usually put pull out the obnoxious quote that if you haven’t failed   you haven’t tried and we talked about what it means to get outside your comfort zone and you’re   not going to be perfect at everything you’re not going to be Michael Phelps you’re not going to be   the president of the United States that doesn’t mean that you’re a failure that definitely   doesn’t mean you’re a failure so what things are you good at what can you and have you succeeded at and   go back and look over things like you graduated high school, not everybody does that you know   raised a family not everybody does that so we want to challenge all nothing’ languages we   want to look for exceptions and we want to look for in what ways can you provide yourself the   validation so you don’t fear abandonment you don’t need other people to tell you you’re okay because   guess what you’re telling yourself I’m okay and before I go on to unhelpful reactions I do want   to point out that if we tell people to tell themselves you know I’m okay that sounds great   but if they don’t believe it if it’s not supported with evidence, it’s actually probably going to slow   their growth because they’re sitting there going telling themselves I’m okay and in the back of   their head going you know you’re not so we need to get that internal critical voice to kind of   hush up by providing the person with the objective evidence of why they’re okay why they’re good   enough and that’s a slow process it’s not going to happen overnight but encourage people to figure   out why they believe what they believe and then you can work from there okay unhelpful reactions   fighting with someone you don’t want to leave me because so the person may engage in dominant   sort of posturing behavior aggression hostility blaming and criticizing trying to tear down the   other person to say you know what I don’t care and you should be grateful that I’m in your life recognition seeking to get attention validation or approval so if they feel something’s going   wrong in a relationship they may start trying to do something to gain recognition to prove that   they’re worthy of a relationship for what they do versus who they are manipulation and exploitation   said lying justifying I did this because you made me so sometimes we all occasionally do things that   aren’t the nicest people who fear abandonment have difficulty saying you know what I screwed   up and they’re more likely to go you made me do I wouldn’t have done it if you would have X   Y & Z people again who are worried about a relationship is going to fall apart and may also make excuses for   other people’s inappropriate behavior it’s like you know I really hate what this person does but   if I don’t make excuses for it if I condemn it then this person is going to leave in counseling   we can talk about the difference between loving a person and loving a person’s behavior you know I   love my kids to death there is no question about that but some of their behavior makes me want to   climb a wall I’m very clear to separate from them the difference between the behavior that I dislike   and them because you know like I said I love them to pieces and we want to help people start making   this differentiation if they don’t do it already and clinging and chasing is the other fight   reaction stalking and messaging somebody 47 times on Facebook in an hour all these kinds of behaviors   and even online bullying those sorts of things can be fight reactions in response to feeling like   there’s a threat of abandonment flight is more of the I don’t care if you leave so the person   will withdraw physically and emotionally and maybe even numb themselves with some sort of   addictive behavior or distract themselves with something completely different or find a new   person just proof that you know what I didn’t need you because I’ve got this new person now questions for clients about core beliefs all people leave okay so what does it look   like if somebody’s available to you if they don’t abandon you who in your past left you   or was unavailable emotionally now a lot of I find it helpful for mental health   and addiction clients to have them write an autobiography because then we can go back   and kind of review it and identify the core people at certain stages in a person’s life what did the person who left you do to make you feel rejected or abandoned in retrospect   you know it was hard to see the difference what was going on back then because you were a kid in   retrospect what are the alternate explanations for why this may have happened was it really   you or was it more about them who in your past has been available to you emotionally most of   the time people can point to one maybe two people who have generally been there it’s unreasonable to   expect someone to always be there who in your present is available to you emotionally you   know maybe they’ve only been in your life for six months or a year but they are available and I say   emotionally because you know not everybody can be available physically all the time we’ve got   jobs kids all that kind of stuff but can you pick up the phone and call them or text them and say   hey you know what I’m really struggling right now what do you do in your current relationships that cause people to leave do you push them away if so how what are alternatives to pushing them away cutting all ties and just saying fine be that way I wipe my hands off you if you cling how do you do  this in what ways do you perceive yourself as being clinging and what are some alternatives   to holding on with all desperation and mistrust people will hurt reject or take advantage of me or just   not be there when I need them so again what does it looks like when somebody’s or what does it feel   like when someone is trustworthy and safe who in your past was untrustworthy or unsafe what do they   do they taught you this and what are alternate explanations who in your past has been trustworthy  and safe who in your present is available and trustworthy what do you do to yourself that   is unsafe or dishonest that’s one of those tricky questions you’re there talking about other people   other people then it’s like what do you do to yourself how do you lie to your  self or how are you mean and hateful to yourself how does your distrust of other people or even  yourself impact your current relationships some people distrust their own internal intuition so  much that they don’t want to make friends with other people they’re like I can’t tell who’s  going to hurt me and who won’t so just yeah I’m going to wipe my hands of it all what could you  do differently what do you think you could do in order to start building trust and what does  it look like to build trust because Trust doesn’t just appear it builds gradually emotional deaths  deprivation I don’t get the love I need nobody understands me so again what does it look like  when somebody understands you and meets your needs who in the past failed to meet your needs  emotionally and how can you deal with that now you know it may have been mom it may have been   ex-husband it may have been you know who knows how can you deal with it now yourself so you can   put it to rest who in your past is understood you who in your present understands you how   can you start again better understanding yourself because it’s hard for other people to understand   us when we don’t even understand ourselves and what can you do to start getting your needs met you one of the things was starting to get your own needs met is to figure out what your needs are and   this is one of the exercises I have people do as a homework assignment they keep track of what is   it they want on a daily basis keep a log and then let’s talk about what common themes were seeing   if people knew me they would reject me okay so how do you know when you’re accepted or acceptable to   someone who when you’re past may make you feel defective are there alternate explanations and   how can you silence those old tapes because that person that statement stays as a heckler   in the gallery we need to hush the heckler what can you do part of it could be talking back and   saying you know what I’m not going to listen or I don’t have time for this right now who’s   been accepting and supportive who is in your life that’s accepting and supportive and how can you   start accepting yourself and being compassionate so some compassion focus training mindfulness work   to help people understand themselves and start being compassionate with themselves understanding   their vulnerabilities and cutting themselves some slack I don’t measure up I’m not able to succeed   okay that’s a pretty big success you know what is what success means success means different   things to different people so what does it look like to you to be successful let’s kind of hammer  that out what is it if you are successful what would be different what in your past has made  you feel like a failure what are some alternate ways of viewing it such as a learning experience  or something I had to go through to grow or you know brainstorming alternate explanations for   why people fail they don’t have a response to sometimes I ask them to kind of take on   a flip role and say pretend you’re a parent and your child comes home and they’ve tried out for   the football team and they didn’t make the team they failed what are you going to tell on what   have you succeeded at doing in the past what are you good at in the present and we really want to   pay attention to minimization here because a a lot of our clients are not good at identifying   their strengths what does being successful mean in terms of your relationship with others do you have   to be successful in order to be loved and be a the good relationship you know obviously you’re going   to be successful in a relationship if you’re but do you have to be financially successful and powerful all whatever you define success as in order to be in healthy relationships who are   three successful people you know and what makes them successful in your eyes does success equal  happiness you can do a whole group on that and what do your kids need to do to be successful  in life you know we want our kids to succeed in us want our kids to be happy so what is it that I  envision my child’s life to be 10 to 15 years from now triggering relationships the abandoner is  unpredictable unstable and unavailable the an abusive relationship is untrustworthy and  unsafe the deprived err depriving relationship the a person is detached or withholding the Devastator  is always judgmental rejecting and critical and the critic is critical and narcissistic usually   a lot of times people replay their past to try to kind of get it right the second time so we want   to look at do you have a habit of getting into relationships with people who are not safe we can   also ask them how do you exhibit these behaviors in what ways are these behaviors present your   current relationships and in what ways were these present and your primary caregiver relationships behavioral triggers abandonment and mistrust if somebody starts acting differently they change  their behavior in some way a person who fears abandonment goes oh that’s not good if they’re   not getting constant reassurance that’s that external validation can trigger   abandonment fears so again we want to work on internal validation and why is it that you   feel you need constant reassurance from the other person’s relationships feel threatening so   work relationships those sorts of things the a person who has abandonment issues won’t want   their significant other around other people and they become hyper-vigilant to rejection   and disconnection even if it’s just somebody going I had a really bad day I need 20 minutes  and go into the room and shut the door the person with abandonment issues will likely   have a high level of anxiety so we want to ask how these behaviors have threatened them in the   past what are alternate explanations for why this is happening with this person right now and what   would be a helpful reaction to these behaviors now so this is happening what would be a helpful   reaction instead of assuming that the sky is going to fall defectiveness and failure so if   somebody is critical if they have unexplained time apart there’s absent or inconsistent reassurance   or if the person tells them they’re a failure these or they fail at something these could   all be behavioral triggers they could be like I failed at something I’m not getting reassurance that this relationship fixing to end question how is this threatened you in the past alternate   explanations and what would be a helpful reaction to this particular situation right now envisioning activity what does a healthy the relationship looks like presence versus abandonment   acceptance versus rejection emotional support versus emotional unavailability trustworthy   versus untrustworthy and safe versus harmful these are extremes what does it look like to   be a middle ground there are going to be exceptions you know things are going to happen so what does   a healthy relationship look like and how to do you deal with exceptions if somebody’s not always   present how can you create this relationship with yourself that’s the big one and then how can you   create this relationship with others’ mindfulness questions what am I feeling what’s triggering it   am I safe right now and if not what do I need to is this bringing up something from the past if   so how is this different how am I different then I was when I was six or four and how   can I silence my inner critic finally what would be a helpful reaction that would move me  more toward my goals and toward a positive emotional experience summary core beliefs  about the self and others are formed in early life due to children’s lack of knowledge of other  experiences and primitive cognitive abilities these core beliefs are often very dichotomous   core beliefs can be formed around events or experiences outside of the conscious memory   identifying and being mindful of abandonment triggers in the present can help people choose   alternate more helpful ways of responding in the present in secure and loved me   don’t leave me are two really excellent books there are google previews if you want to look   at them to see if it’s something that you like but they do take what we talked about in this   presentation and expand upon it a whole bunch more if you enjoy this podcast please like and   subscribe either in your podcast player or on YouTube you can attend and participate in our   live webinars with doctor Snipes by subscribing at all CEUs comm slash counselor toolbox, this   episode has been brought to you in part by all CEUs com provides 24/7 multimedia continuing   education and pre-certification training to counselors 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Emotional Eating Signs and 7 Tips Cope | Making Peace with Food | Counseling Techniques

This episode was pre-recorded as part of a live continuing education webinar on demand. Ceus are still available for this presentation through all CEUs registered at allies com, counselor toolbox, hi everybody, and welcome to today’s presentation on emotional eating and making peace with food during the next hour. So we’re going to define emotional eating and differentiate it really from eating when to celebrate and when it’s a problem and also differentiate, differentiating it from eating disorders will explore emotional eating in terms of its, beneficial functions and rewards and discuss. Why restrictive diets, don’t resolve emotional eating a lot of times? People will say you know, I have been on this diet forever and it doesn’t seem to be working or I can’t seem to stick to any diet that I try and we’re going to look at different reasons why this might Be what is emotional eating and it’s exactly what it sounds like it:’s eating in response to emotions and feelings other than hunger. So if you’re eating, because you’re bored, if you’re eating at someone and sometimes especially if you are angry at someone or disappointed in someone, you may eat and sort of be eating and thinking you made me do this so eating At someone eating to forget or distract yourself eating, to feel better because when you eat, regardless of what you’re eating, but especially if you eat high sugar high-fat foods, you’re going to release serotonin and dopamine eating out of boredom. You know hand to mouth bang, eating out of habit and, as I said a few minutes ago, not all emotional eaters have an eating disorder um and we want to differentiate that. Does it mean that their eating is not problematic to them? No, not at all. OIP-28 If they’re telling you it’s a problem, then it’s a problem. They may not meet the criteria for binge eating disorder or bulimia, but it’s important to address it because they understand that they’re eating for a reason. Other than hunger, they want to stop because they want to eat, for hunger, but not otherwise, and for us as clinicians. The first thing we need to do is understand: why is it that they’re eating? Is it boredom? Is it a habit, so they need to keep a food log or a food journal for over a week or two weeks, and sometimes when people come in for an assessment, especially if that’s one of their main presenting issues? I’ll start by just doing a retrospective of the last three days to get an idea of what may be triggering some of their eating episodes. And then we can look at some of the habits or bad habits, maybe that they’ve gotten into, and start talking about ways to address those remembering that Rome wasn’t built in a day this isn’t going to go away overnight. But a lot of times, if you give people some tips, tricks, and tools to think about implementing when they walk out of your office after the assessment before the first official session, it provides them some hope and gets the momentum going and again you don’t Have to binge to be an emotional eater, some people graze all day long. Some people will eat and it’s not what would be considered technically a binge, but it’s more than they had anticipated. Maybe they go back for second helpings or third helpings when they weren’t hungry, but it was good. So why is eating so soothing? There are a lot of reasons. Now there’s obvious it’s, tastes good, so that’s. You know the big obvious bonus, but thinking about the function eating serves, we have to eat to survive. When you were an infant, it eating involved a closeness with your parental unit, which could release oxytocin, and I say, parental unit because even if it was dad feeding the baby a bottle there was that connection. There was that contact that caused the infant and the parent to release oxytocin. This is our bonding chemical, so eating was associated early on with bonding food may also have been associated with sleep. If the infant or child was given a bottle every night to go to sleep, then they may start thinking or they may be in the habit of eating to wind down or calm down, and we need to help them figure out different ways to do That as a toddler, what eating mean think about when you went from well, we probably don’t, remember that, but think about when your kids went from eating. You know food out of a jar to even their first Cheerios. That was a huge figure out. How to pick up that little cheerio and get it in their mouth and it involved exploration and mastery. They were discovering all different types of textures and tastes and figuring out what smell went with what taste, and it was a cool and exciting time for kids, and I mean think about it. They’re like a year old, so it doesn’t take much to amuse them, but this was the rewarding reward. Equals dopamine equals let’s do that again. It involved power and control of the child. At this point was starting to be able to feed himself or herself and was starting to be able to be somewhat independent of the parent when it came to the basic physiological function of eating. So eating itself had its rewards and it was self-esteem building because the child started learning. You know how to feed yourself and how to ask for what he or she wanted, at least in terms of food. There are formations of memories around foods, even as early as toddlerhood. You know we have celebrations, we have birthdays, we have different things and most children have certain foods that they like, and it could be because the first time that ate that food was a really happy experience or it could be just that’s, their favorite Food and that’s all they want to eat, but they remember that food and they remember when they ate it, they felt good. They felt happy so as an adult there,’s a part of their brain going chicken nuggets. Make me happy now that’s, how the toddler thought as an adult. We can understand that chicken nuggets themselves, aren’t making you happy, but you see the connections that we’re making. Here there’s been an association between happiness and chicken nuggets unhealthy foods, especially for children when, as adults, we’re still able to control what they eat. Your sugary foods and your unhealthy foods are usually reserved for treats or rewards. So when you’re feeling like you need to be rewarded when you’re feeling like you want to feel good, sometimes you’ll resort to those things. When you were a kid that made, you feel good like chocolate, chip, cookies, Haagen Dazs, or whatever it was for you. We’ve talked in the past, about associations and conditioning, and this is all coming back kind of full circle now because we need to understand that our brain has associated pleasure and reward with food for a lot of different reasons. Not just because of nourishment looking at the reasons why your patient eats is going to help you understand what underlying issues you may need to address in treatment. Culturally, we associate eating with caring and celebration and think about birthdays and holidays. What do we get together? We have buffets, we have pot Luck,’s. When someone passes away. What do you bring food over when somebody’s sick? What do you bring food over to in our culture? There is a lot of emphasis put on eating and nourishing, and that’s, true of a lot of different cultures. Low blood sugar can cause feelings of depression and anxiety which are quelled by food. So if somebody typically doesn’t eat well during the day, you know they go long periods without eating or if they have blood sugar issues, to begin with, and then they eat they feel better. So when they start feeling not so good, what do you think their first reaction is, let me eat and see if that helps evolution, predisposes the human body to crave high sugar, high fat, high-calorie foods for quick energy and to prepare for a famine. Our bodies are cool and frustrating at the same time because you know your body takes in this these foods and it says we’re going to secrete, the most amount of dopamine and the most amount of reward for these high-calorie foods because We want to make sure we’re prepared in case there’s a famine back. You know in the day many many many years ago, hundreds of years ago we couldn’t guarantee. We would have a meal every day, let alone three meals every day. So the body prepared – and it said alright – we need to get whatever we can when we can. So we’re going to make this higher fat higher calorie food more rewarding. Now I said it:’s also can be a blessing and a curse. Today, there’s still a little part of our primordial brain. That says, if it thinks there’s a famine, it will slow down your base metabolic rate, which causes people to gain weight. We see this a lot in people with eating disorders, who tend to not take in very many calories, or if they take them in they purge them. So the body goes well. I can’t guarantee I’m gon to get enough food. I’m going to get enough energy to survive. So I’m just going to turn down the thermostat a little bit and turn down the base metabolic rate, which compounds the problem for the person with the eating disorder. So it’s important to understand that the brain is somewhat active in what’s going on. So I keep saying we need to figure out what’s behind or underlying the craving. First, we need to rule out physical causes for some people. It’s as simple as this. If they’ve got low blood sugar because they’re not eating too often and obviously as counselors, we’re not going to diagnose this their doctor or their nutritionist will, but we can start exploring and go. It sounds like you might need to look at having your blood sugar checked or talk to your doctor about how frequently you need to eat because some people – and I know I’m – are very guilty of it. If I get into it into a groove doing something I’ll eat breakfast and then I’ll get into a groove and before I know it, it’s 3 00 in the afternoon and I haven’t eaten for like a whole bunch of Hours I’m not doing math today and my blood Sugar’s low and I’m starting to get foggy, headed and irritable and tired. So it’s a real, simple fix there in our society we are so driven and we are so. We get so caught up in things because that’s such a fast pace that it’s easy to forget to eat or is easy to avoid eating so that’s. The first thing we want to rule out. Are you eating in response to low blood sugar, which is making eating, seem more rewarding when you eat in response to low blood sugar a lot of times, people who do that end up eating more than they normally would because they start eating fast. It’s like I’m going to shovel, in as much as I can. Your brain doesn’t register you’re eating for 20 minutes or so so, before their brain, even registers. What’s gone on and gets the blood sugar back up? They’ve already eaten a whole ton of food. Why is this under-emotional eating? Well because generally, when they go in to just start eating, yes, they’re hungry, but they’re, also cranky and irritable, and most of the time they’re. Not thinking about I’m eating for the nourishment it’s, I’m eating, feel better lack of sleep, and this is so true for shift workers as well. As you know, new parents and college students, and anybody who’s not getting enough sleep. If we are surviving on sugar and stimulants, we’re going Peak and Lower Valley, Peak, and Lower Valley, and you just keep going up and down until you just crash, because every time you crash you crash a little bit lower. So if somebody’s on that roller coaster, they’re going to feel worse between you know: eating episodes they’re going to feel tired. They’re going to feel a flood of sluggish irritable fatigued and, to a certain extent, maybe depression, and they may be missing attribute those feeling, those emotional feelings to emotions versus physical causes, and likewise we also want to make sure that you know we’re addressing The emotional causes because there’s probably stuff there too, but if they’re not getting enough sleep and they’re living on sugar and stimulants their body is kind of in a state of hyper-vigilance, a lot of times it’s exhausted. So they’re going to be tired and cranky. So those are a couple of things that we want to look at. Those are relatively easy fixes or at least relatively easy things to point out and go let’s think about this. One of the things that I suggest for a lot of my clients is just to take a week and mindfully and it is difficult but try to eat healthfully. You know try to eat a few times a day. You know try to eat like three meals a day and get enough water and try to get enough sleep and try not to overdo it. On the stimulants at the, beginning I, 39, am not going to say cut out anything because that 39, is not, realistic and it’s not fair, and they 39, are probably already struggling if they’re coming in to see me, so if I go hey Let’s just turn your world upside down and guess what you’re not going to drink any caffeine anymore. It’s not going to create a happy person, so I asked them to try to make some small changes and see if that starts, to help dehydration causes fogginess and symptoms of depression We want to make sure that they rule that out and too many stimulants Also causes dehydration, so you know we’re looking at some of the physical causes of irritability and fatigue and cravings because again we’re going back to when I felt this way before not looking at it. Why I felt this way. But when I felt irritable depressed cranky, what made me feel better and generally food, and generally it’s, not good food. For me, it’s M Ms. I love my M Ms, especially the ones with almonds, but I digress. Nutritional causes of cravings, high carbohydrate, and high starch foods caused a greater release of serotonin and endorphins. So if you’ve got somebody who’s depressed for whatever reason that they may crave these kinds of foods to increase their serotonin level or increase the endorphins, their energy levels, chocolate people who crave chocolate may be low in magnesium. It also um the level of magnesium affects how much serotonin is available again. Just I keep saying this just for legal reasons. We want to make sure their doctor or nutritionist goes in and makes this diagnosis, but if there are particular foods that they do crave, they need to bring that up with their medical provider if they’re craving fatty foods. Now again, fatty foods are just good. I love fried foods, but it also could mean that they’re not getting enough Omega threes, Americans, typically don’t and interestingly, if they crave soda, they may be calcium deficient, who knew so? These are things to take a look at to ask people. You know if they’re craving soda, maybe cutting back on their soda a little bit and seeing what happens and or getting blood work done. R-1 Once we’ve ruled out the obvious physical causes. They’ve gone to the doctor. Gotten blood work done everything I’m coming back happy. They’re getting enough sleep, but they’re still eating when they’re, not hungry, we need to rule out habits. Is there a particular time or activity that makes you crave this food? When I was growing up, I would go to the grocery store with my mother, and on the way back home from the grocery store. She would always we would always get junk food and she would get a bag of chips and put them in the front seat. It was like a 20-minute drive from the grocery store to our house and by the time we would get back to the house. We would have put a good dent in those potato chips. That being said, I got into the habit of whenever I went to the grocery store. I would get something out of the bag and put it in the front seat and eat on the way home. Now am I paying attention to what I’m eating? No likely am I eating, because I was hungry, probably not so. We want to look at habits. A lot of people will eat when they are watching TV. It’s a huge one. So we want to not do that or if you’re going to eat when you’re watching TV make sure you sit at the table. At least that makes you a little bit more mindful so think about whether are there particular times or activities that you eat and you’re just not hungry. Are there particular times that you mindlessly eat, like, like, I said when you’re driving or when you’re watching television? Those are both habits and can be mindless because you’re not paying attention to how much is going in your mouth. You’re not probably paying attention to the taste and you’re not paying attention to whether you’re full or not. So if you’re mindlessly eating, then there’s going to be a lot more calorie consumption. In addition to the fact that you’re not eating because you’re hungry, you’re just eating to eat, are you going too long between meals than needing a sugar boost which leads to a sugar crash? So again that’s a physical cause? But we want to rule it out. These are bad habits that we can tend to get into other things that can be construed as bad habits are eating without putting food on a plate. If you eat straight out of the bag, you’re going to eat. More than if you put it on a plate, so put it on a plate, sit down, try not to watch TV, all the things that your grandmother would have told you. So what do we do about it? Emotional eating interventions? I talked earlier about the food diary. Do a retrospective during the assessment if they want to get a jumpstart on things, but have them keep a food diary, preferably for the duration of treatment, but at least for a week. What time did they eat? Were they craving just any old food or something salty, something that was sweet, something that was sour? This will give you a general idea and can give their medical provider a general idea if there are any nutritional imbalances or if there are particular associations. What emotion or state were you in, I say state because being exhausted is not necessarily really an emotion. Were you happy sad, mad glad exhausted drained whatever state feels like it would work, and then, because of why were you feeling this way it doesn’t have to be a dissertation? It can be short and sweet, but I encourage clients to write down everything. They eat before they eat it during the first week, or you know, like I said, preferably throughout the entire course of treatment why, before they eat it because it’s a stop, remember we’ve talked before about how we have an urge. We have a craving, we have an urge and then we engage in the behavior oftentimes without stopping mindfully. Think is this what we want to do this provides that stop. It says: okay, I’ve got it to write down the time, and then I’ve got to think about why I’m eating, and honestly a lot of clients notice, a reduction and their habit of eating when they have to do this, just because they don’t want to record-keeping that up for a month or two months helps break some of the habits, eating that they might do like. I said before when they’re eating, I encourage them to use a plate. Sit down. Don’t walk around don’t stand at the counter, eliminate distractions as much as possible and focus on the food you’re eating that goes with mindfully eating. What does it taste like? Is it good to take small bites when my son was young, I think I’ve shared this before he had gastric reflux and we would sit down at the table and I would shovel in food as fast as I could get it in my mouth because He couldn’t be put down for too long before he would start to get fussy, at least until we figured out that he had gastric reflux and Zantac was just a lifesaver. I developed that habit when he was little and I kept it up for a while. It took a while to learn for me to learn to go back to take. You know reasonable bites and tasting my food, and even today, if I’m not paying attention too much, I’ll eat my dinner fast and then I’ll sit there and I’ll be like well. Yes, I’ll taste that a little bit later, because I didn’t taste it when I ate it encourage clients to be aware of their eating habits, and try to avoid setting up a binge by restricting certain foods. Now. Does that mean you have to have cakes and candy and whatever your trigger foods are in your house all the time and in your face? No, I would encourage people not to do that, but to say you know, I said for me M Ms, is one of my favorite reward foods. If you will, I don’t keep them in the house, but I will allow myself occasionally to buy a small snack-size pack of M Ms, when I’m out or I will get a regular-size pack and I’ll share it with my daughter, so I’m not restricting it. I’m not saying I can never M. Ms again, I’m just not making it available to myself when I might have some unrestricted time, try to avoid buying a bunch of comfort foods and keeping them around the house, and when you’ve got kids when you’ve got family, it’s not entirely possible, usually to not have some of that stuff around but try to avoid having the things that you particularly used for comfort, because if it’s not readily available, then you’ve got to focus on guess what dealing with the emotions. Instead of stuffing them with food, try not to go too long without eating. Like I said earlier, if you go too long, then by the time you get to the food, your blood, Sugar,’s low and you’re just shoveling it as fast as you can initially distract. If you know that you’re getting you’re eating and you’re, like I’m – really not hungry, but I want to eat, take a bath, take a walk, call a friend, heaven forbid get on Facebook. Whatever it is, you can do to distract yourself for 10 or 15 minutes if, after 10 or 15 minutes, you’re still going, I want whatever it is, then you can decide what to do about it. Then, most of the time when people stop and go, I’m not hungry. Let me distract myself. They get caught up in that distraction and before they know it, they’ve forgotten about the craving, and identify the emotions. If you know that you’re not hungry, but you want to eat, then say: okay, what’s going on what’s going on with me? It doesn’t mean that the person is never going to eat when, when they’re upset, because a lot of people do, and is it the end of the world, probably not necessary if they can start reducing the frequency of times that they eat. In response to emotional distress that’s, what we want, we want to progress, not perfect if it’s, depression, what’s causing them to feel hopeless or helpless right now, if it’s, stress, anxiety, or anger, remember our big kind of lump together stuff. What are they stressing out about? Do they feel like they’re overwhelmed? Are they afraid of failure, rejection, and loss of control of the unknown? We’ve gone through those things. We want them to identify what’s going on with them, and then they can make better choices about how to deal with it. So general coping helps them develop, alternate ways of coping with distress. Distract we’ve, already kind of gone over that one. I encourage people – and you know it’s – one of those DBT things – that a lot of therapists encourage their clients to keep a list of things. They can do to distract themselves because it’s not always practical to get up and go on a walk. If you’re at work or it’s, you know two in the morning. So what else can you do to distract yourself? Talk it out with a friend with yourself with your dog? Sometimes you just got to get it out. People who are more auditory will prefer talking it out as opposed to journaling it now. If they talk it out with themselves, they can record it if they want to, or sometimes it’s just better to have a dialogue with themself. If it worked for Freud, it can work for other people journaling. If your clients are inclined to journal, encourage them to write it down. Sometimes just getting stuff out of your head and onto paper will help the feelings dissipate a little bit. So you’re not mulling them over and obsessing over them and getting stuck in those thoughts and feelings. Additionally, while you’re distracted talking it out or journaling, this is also your break. Your stop between the urge and the behavior make a pro and con list of the de-stress, not the eating whatever it is, that’s stressing you out and how can you fix it or what are the pros of this situation and what are the downsides To this situation, encourage them to focus on the positive. You know. If something stressing you out at work, you know you’ve got a big meeting coming up or something you don’t want to do or what it is. You can get stuck on focusing on that or you can focus on the positive that you do have a job. That meeting only comes around once a month. You can it’s time you don’t have to be doing paperwork whatever the pros are for that person encourage them to focus on the positive. If you’re distressed because of some kind of a failure or perceived failure, figure out what you learned from it, whether it was a relationship failure, or maybe you learned what not to do in a relationship anymore. Maybe you learned things that you may have ignored. Maybe you learned what you should have done instead, but how can it be a learning opportunity, instead of somewhere to stay stuck and finally, if something’s making you upset if something’s causing anxiety, depression, hopelessness, helplessness, whatever the negative feeling figure out. If it’s worth your energy to get stuck here, is it worth the turmoil? Is it worth you know having to pacify yourself with food or whatever? It is a lot of times people say you know what now it’s, just it’s, not even worth my effort. It’s not worth moving me away from my goals, because my goal is to stop emotional eating. My goal is to eat for hunger, so I can go to dinner with people and feel comfortable. I can be at a party where there’s a buffet and not feel stressed out that I’m going to go and eat half the stuff on the buffet that’s my goal so is holding on to whatever this de-stress is getting me Closer to being able to do those things and generally the answer:’s no develop alternate ways of coping with the stress the ABCs, the a is the activating event. What is stressing you out and what’s causing the de-stress C is the emotional reaction. Angry depressed stressed, whatever be: are your behaviors? What behaviors or B are your beliefs? Sorry, what are the beliefs that are in there that may need to be addressed? What kind of things are you telling yourself, and, and how can you counter them? Cognitively eliminate your vulnerabilities. You knew we couldn’t get through a presentation without talking about vulnerabilities. If someone is well-rested. Well, the fed has a good social support network, not stretch timewise. Then it will be easier to deal with stress or stressors when they come your way. You’ll have more energy to deal with it, so there won’t be this overwhelming feeling of I just want to bury my head in a jar of peanut butter, be compassionate with yourself. Some days, you know you’re, just going to feel anxious. You’re going to feel depressed. You’re going to get angry. You can beat yourself up over it and you know a lot of people do. Is that the best use of your energy or can you be compassionate? Can you learn from it? Can you give yourself a break and go? You know what I’m having a bad day today and that’s okay, I’m not going to unpack and stay here, but I’m not going to fight. It either helps clients learn how to urge surf help. They understand that, just like a panic attack just like a wave just like a lot of other things in life, it will come, it will crest and it will go out again, so they can sort of identify where they are on the energy of that Urge other tools people can use close the kitchen once I have the kitchen cleaned and you know all the dishes are done and it looks pretty. I hate going in there and finding dishes in the sink again now I’ve got teenagers, so we always have dishes in the sink. But before I had children, you know at seven o’clock. I finished all the dishes and closed the kitchen, and that would be enough motivation for me to not go in there and at least not use plates and stuff to eat. So if we’re saying that we’re going to only eat using utensils plates and sitting and all that stuff that we already talked about, then once you close the kitchen, you’re not going back in, there turn off the light. That also helps so you’re not being attracted to the pretty lights, and you know all the goodies that are in the kitchen to brush your teeth. This is something my grandmother used to do and it works. There’s some research behind it. Minty flavors reduce our appetite. So if you brush your teeth, you get all the other flavors out of your mouth and it reduces your urges to eat because it again it’s clean and fresh. And do you really want to brush your teeth again, and meditate, sometimes just getting in a space where you’re, not obsessing about anything, can help people get past that urge to self-soothe by eating a CT for emotional eating. What am I feeling or thinking about what’s going on with me right now? What is important to me? So if I am thinking I want to eat, I want to you know just dive into this jar of peanut butter, and then I think about what’s important to me. Is it important to me to get control of this? Is it important to me to you know, be able to fit into my clothes in six months or not? So what is it in? What way is controlling my eating habits and eliminating emotional eating important to me, and how does that get me closer to other things that are important to me, and what other things could I do? That would get me closer to my goals. So if the goal is to have improved relationships, be able to feel more comfortable around food reduce the stress around going out to eat, and just around food in general, what else can you do when you are stressed out? Somebody also suggested that adding a blue light in the refrigerator decreases the appeal of foods, which is interesting because yellow red and orange, and browns, I think Pizza Hut – are all foods that increase people’s, hunger and desire to eat. But blue is just a completely different primary color, and adding a blue hue seems like that would be effective, so cool thanks for that. Little tidbit there holiday help, and you know we’re coming into the holidays. So I’ve got to bring that up at every single glass and choose lower-calorie foods. If you tend to get stressed out or caught up or mindlessly eat when you are at family gatherings. Okay, you know cut yourself a break, know that that’s, probably going to happen, and fill up on the lower-calorie foods. The carrot sticks the broccoli, the white meat, turkey, anything that’s available, that’s, not like sweet potato pie or brownies, keep water or low-calorie beverage. In your hand, if you’ve got your hand full, you can’t eat at the same time. So you know if you walk around with a cup in your hand, it helps talk to people. Hopefully, you don’t talk with your mouth open or talk with food in your mouth. So if you’re talking to people, you’re not going to be as inclined to go and get something to eat because you’re wanting to stay engaged in that conversation. Stay away from the buffet, especially if you know that it could get stressful, or maybe you know for me, I turn into a pumpkin at like 7 30 at night. I get up at 4 00, but I turn into a pumpkin at 7, 30 and a lot of times holiday parties and those sorts of things are at eight, nine, o’clock at night, and you know I’ve already turned into a pumpkin. So I know that if I go to those I’m going to be more likely to eat just to kind of stay away because I’m tired and it’s a bad habit. It’s not because I’m hungry. So I know I need to stay away from the buffet during those times we rehearse refusal skills. If somebody says. Oh, you, I’ve got to try it by two. This figure out how you’re going to address that ahead of time, because there’s generally probably a lot of really good foods, and you may really want to taste some, but sometimes people who emotionally eat know if they start eating. If they start eating high-fat high calorie foods, they’re going to want to eat everything. So if I start with one bite of a brownie, I’m going to want to eat every suit that’s on the table. If they know that, then they may want to choose to not even go down that road at that juncture, encourage people to stay mindful of their distress meter before they go back for another helping and ask themselves, am I hungry? Am I just wanting to taste what’s here and how do I feel about that? Or am I eating just because I don’t want to be here and I’m bored and I want to fill the time? Have people keep an index card with their coping mantra and two reasons they don’t want to emotionally eat, so I need to be here. I can do this whatever the mantra is that’s going to get them through the night, whatever they’re. Telling themselves that it’s going to help them plow through and make the right choices, but also two reasons that they don’t want to eat, or they’re going to get around it. Maybe they’ve got something at home that they can eat when they get home eating before they go to. The party may also help prevent some grazing holidays, bringing out a lot of emotions in people. Some people struggle with depression, anxiety, jealousy, grief, and anger. You know the whole gamut during this time and during this time there’s food everywhere I mean starting at Halloween when your kids bring home the Halloween candy, which usually lasts about a week in our house baby. Oh, Halloween candy followed by getting ready for Thanksgiving, followed by doing all the baking or whatever you do, and the holiday parties coming up on the December holiday season. There’s just food everywhere, so it’s really easy to cope. If you will, with stress being overwhelmed with being tired by not eating enough healthy food by binging on unhealthy and soothing food if you will so it’s, encouraged it’s important to encourage people to stay. Mindful of why they’re eating what they’re eating, when constantly bombarded with high-fat high carbohydrate foods, people are tempted to eat to feel calm yeah. I challenge anybody to say that they’ve never eaten and go okay. You know I’m. Just focused on this right now I’m not thinking about everything out here and it feels good um. I’m good now, good, probably not the word I should use, but it does help people distract themselves sometimes when they eat, especially those high-intensity foods. You feel happier serotonins are released. Dopamine is released. You’re, like oh, that’s good. I want to do that again or you just feel numb. You can get into a zone where you’re just eating and not caring about it’s. Not that you’re feeling calm, you’re just not feeling anything, and a lot of times when people get into that zone. They’re not tasting the food either. They’re just kind of on autopilot for emotional eating, like most other escape behaviors. Never addresses the underlying emotions and their causes, so we need to look at them. Are you feeling anxious? Are you feeling jittery? Are you feeling depressed because your blood Sugar’s low, because you’re nutritionally deficient because you’re not getting enough sleep or because there’s something cognitive going on, or all of the above emotional eating, often results in physical issues like weight gain Poor sleep and reduced energy weight gain, are you know in and of itself a few pounds here and they’re not a big deal, but some people can start emotionally eating to feel better. They gained a lot of weight. Then they start feeling less energetic. It starts being harder to move around. They get to the point where they are clinically obese. Then they’re going. I’m never going to take all this weight off. They feel hopeless and helpless. You see where this is going, so they eat some more. Can cause poor sleep apnea, it’s hard to get it’s also hard to get comfortable. Sometimes, if you’ve eaten a whole bunch of food right before you go to bed, you know your bellies are all full, and little you wake up. The next morning and your belly are still awful, which means you probably didn’t, sleep very well the night before and emotional eating often results in reduced energy because the foods we binge on the foods we eat for self-soothing often end up causing a sugar Crash some people try to undo emotional eating by restricting other calories which can lead to nutritional deficits and more cravings. I had a girlfriend when I was in high school and you know think back to I don’t know if they still do it, but when we were in high school there was always some kind of candy sale going on and she would always forgo all Other food, so she could have two chocolate bars each day and you know we’re not going to get into the all the other issues surrounding only eating two chocolate bars. But the point I’m making it right now is the fact she wasn’t getting protein. She wasn’t getting it. You know most of her vitamins and minerals and stuff that her body needed to make the neurotransmitter. So she could feel happy and she was contributing to a sugar crash, but I also know that it’s common around the holidays for people to do this. They’ll let go all day without eating because they know they’re going to a party tonight and there’s going to be a lot of really good food doing that once in a while. Not a big deal doing that 10 or 15 times in a month could start to have problems. Emotional eaters need to first find a way to stop before they eat, so, whether it’s writing in a journal or adding. There are a lot of apps on your phone that you can put your food in, even if you’re, not writing about your emotions and your cravings and all that kind of stuff. Sometimes it’s enough to make people stop before they reach. For the food – or you know, kind of an extreme way to go is to not keep pre-processed or prepackaged foods in the house. So anything that you’re going to eat you’ve got to make second identify the underlying reason for your eating figure out. Do I generally eat in response to and then address the thoughts and emotions leading to the urges? So if you figure out the underlying emotions for your eating or your depression, then what thoughts are maintaining that depression? And how can you address it once you address the underlying issues, some of the emotional eating will go away, but some of its habits? We’re going to have to break that habit and, throughout you know, the past couple of decades of working with people. My experience has been the majority of the time people don’t want to hear. Well, once you deal with your emotional issues, the emotional eating will go away now. They’re there because they want to stop that behavior right now. So, yes, we need to work on all the underlying issues but give them a tip or a trick or a tool whatever you want to call it to use before they walk out of your office after every single session. That way, they have something else they can put in their toolbox and feel more empowered to have control over what’s going on with them. And what’s coming their way, having the knowledge of what and why is 80 of helping them get to the recovery point now, if there’s co-occurring or if the eating issues are more than just emotional eating, if there’s, the person meets The criteria for binge eating disorder, bulimia or anorexia. There are a lot of other underlying issues they’re going to have to be dealt with. So I don’t want to trivialize that, but I do want people to feel like they’ve got some hope over what’s going on. Are there any questions? If you enjoy this podcast, please like and subscribe either in your podcast player or on YouTube, you can attend and participate in our live webinars with doctor Snipes by subscribing at all CEUs comm slash counselor toolbox. This episode has been brought to you in part by all CEUs com providing 24 7 multimedia, continuing education, and pre-certification; training to counselors therapists, and nurses, since 2006 use coupon code consular toolbox to get a 20 discount off your order. This month, As found on YouTube Animated Video Maker – Create Amazing Explainer Videos | VidToon™ #1 Top Video Animation Software To Make Explainer, Marketing, Animated Videos Online It’s EASIER, PRODUCTIVE, FASTER Get Commercial Rights INCLUDED when you act NOW Get Vidtoon™

The Difference Between ADHD and Anxiety Signs

  – Hey, Psych2Goers. Do you have trouble paying attention? For example, zoning out while watching this video? Do you think you have ADHD because of this? Oftentimes, people mistake symptoms of anxiety for ADHD because of some of the similar traits they share. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention data, about 3 in 10 children with ADHD have anxiety. So to help you get a better understanding of the difference between ADHD and anxiety, here are six signs to look out for. Number one, you have poor focus because of worrying thoughts.
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Are you always distracted by your worries, so much so that you’re unable to focus on the things you’re doing? When fear and apprehension dominate your thoughts, it may cause you to become restless, and have trouble sitting still, paying attention, or staying focused in class. According to John Waldrop, MD from Weill Cornell Medical College, when you experience anxiety, your prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain which is essential for thinking, learning, and remembering, is shut down. Your brain is concentrated on staying safe. In contrast with ADHD, you aren’t consumed by worrying thoughts. Instead, it has more to do with an imbalance in your hormones: dopamine and norepinephrine, which causes you to be distracted. Number two, you don’t tend to have as many problems with impulsivity. Do you often find yourself speaking out loud in class without raising your hand? Perhaps you were even labeled as the troublemaker in school because of the way you can never sit still. According to Dr. John, a person with ADHD may feel as if there are dozens of controllers trying to control their brains at the same time without checking in with each other first. So if you find that you don’t appear to have as many problems with impulsivity but just struggle to speak up or stand up because of your nerves, then you may have anxiety rather than ADHD. Number three, you have trouble completing your schoolwork because of perfectionism. Do you have trouble completing your schoolwork? Perhaps you find yourself procrastinating even if you only have just one assignment to you. This struggle could be because you have so many points you wanna make in so many ways to phrase the words that leave you wanting to throw up your hands and ignore them. You’re avoiding starting your assignments because you can’t have it is less than perfect. If you can relate to this, then it’s more likely you’re struggling with anxiety and not ADHD. Dr. John stated that while people with ADHD may experience difficulty completing their schoolwork or performing tasks, it’s often due to trouble with concentration rather than perfectionism. Number four, you are generally more sensitive to social cues. Are you very sensitive to how you come across to other people? Do you find yourself often uncomfortable with your social environment? Perhaps you find it challenging to eat in front of other people, or tend to avoid speaking in public because of an overwhelming fear that people will judge you negatively. According to Dr. John, if your answers are yes to the above questions, it’s more likely that you have anxiety rather than ADHD. This is because people with ADHD usually struggle with understanding or missing social cues rather than being hypersensitive to them. Number five, you experience a racing heart, clamminess, tense muscles, headaches, nausea, or dizziness. Do you often experience headaches, nausea, or dizziness? These are just some of the symptoms of anxiety. Dr. John stated that anxiety comes from a tiny almond-shaped part at the back of your brain called the amygdala. As a watchman for your brain, it is constantly watching out for danger. And whenever it detects danger, it triggers a fight or flight response. However, for anxious people, the amygdala is large and hypersensitive. Because of this, it ends up sending out a lot of false alarms. You can think of it as a watchman who cries wolf too often. As a result, your brain may sense threats even in non-threatening situations. And number six, you are unlikely to show problem behaviors when you’re feeling calm, safe, and doing things you enjoy. How do you act when you’re having fun? Whether it’s listening to your favorite music or playing video games, you may find yourself feeling calm and safe while doing the things that you genuinely enjoy. You are neither restless nor feel like you need to catch your breath. According to Dr. John, anxious individuals are unlikely to display any problem behaviors when feeling calm and safe and doing something they enjoy. On the contrary, people with ADHD will experience problem behaviors even when they engage in a particular fun or exciting activity. For example, a person with ADHD may become so engrossed with painting a picture that they tune out or completely ignore everything else. This behavior is known as hyperfocus. Did you relate to any of the signs we’ve mentioned? Let us know in the comments below. If you found this video helpful, be sure to like, subscribe, and share this video with those who might benefit from it. And don’t forget to hit the notification bell icon to get notified whenever Psych2Go posts a new video. As always, the references and studies used in this video are added in the description below. Thanks so much for watching and see you in our next video. (light music). 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Emotional Eating Signs and 7 Tips Cope | Making Peace with Food | Counseling Techniques

this episode was pre-recorded as part of a live continuing   education webinar on-demand CEUs are still available for this presentation   through all CEUs register at allceus.com/counselortoolbox hi everybody and welcome to today’s presentation on emotional eating making peace with food during   the next hour so we’re going to define emotional eating and differentiate it really from eating   when to celebrate and when it’s a problem and also differentiate differentiating it from   eating disorders will explore emotional eating in terms of its beneficial functions and rewards and   discuss why restrictive diets don’t resolve emotional eating a lot of times people will   say you know I have been on this diet forever and it doesn’t seem to be working or I can’t seem   to stick to any diet that I try and we’re going to look at different reasons why this might be   what is emotional eating and it’s exactly what it sounds like it’s eating in response to emotions   and feelings other than hunger so if you’re eating because you’re bored if you’re eating at someone   and sometimes, especially if you are angry at someone or disappointed in someone you may   eat and sort of be eating and thinking you made I do this so eating at someone eating to forget   or distract myself from eating to feel better because when you eat regardless of what you’re eating but   especially if you eat high-sugar high-fat foods you’re going to release serotonin and dopamine   eating out of boredom you know hand-to-mouth bang eating out of habit and like I said a few minutes   ago not all emotional eaters have an eating disorder um and we want to differentiate that it means that their eating is not problematic to them no not at all if they’re telling you   it’s a problem then it’s a problem they may not meet the criteria for binge eating disorder or   bulimia but it’s important to address it because they understand that they’re eating for a reason   other than hunger and they want to stop because they want to eat for hunger but not otherwise and   for us as clinicians the first thing we need to do is understand why is it that they’re eating is   it boredom is it a habit so they need to keep a food log or a food journal over a week or   two weeks and sometimes when people come in for an assessment especially if that’s one of their main   presenting issues I’ll start just doing a retrospective of the last three days to get   an idea of what may be triggering some of their eating episodes and then we can look at some of   the habits or bad habits may be that they’ve gotten into and start talking about ways to address those remember that Rome wasn’t built in a day this isn’t going to go away overnight but a lot   of times if you give people some tips tricks and tools to think about implementing when they walk   out of your office after the assessment before the first official session it provides them some hope   and gets the momentum going and again you don’t have to binge to be an emotional eater some people   graze all day long some people will eat and it’s not what would be considered technically a binge   but it’s more than they had anticipated maybe they go back for second helpings or third helpings when   they weren’t hungry but it was good so why is eating so soothing there are a lot of reasons   now there’s obvious it tastes good so that’s you know the big obvious bonus but thinking about   the function the eating serves we have to eat in order to survive when you were an infant it eating   involved a closeness with your parental unit which could release oxytocin I say parental   unit because even if it was dad feeding the baby a bottle there was that connection there was that   contact which caused the infant and the parent to release oxytocin this is our bonding chemical so   eating was associated early on with bonding food may also have been associated with sleep if the   infant or child was given a bottle every night to go to sleep then they may start thinking or they   may be in the habit of eating to wind down or calm down and we need to help them figure   out different ways to do that as a toddler what an eating means to think about when you went from well we   probably don’t remember that but think about when your kids went from eating you know food   out of a jar to even their first Cheerios that was huge figuring out how to pick up that little   cheerio and get it in their mouth and it involved exploration and mastery they were discovering   all different types of textures and tastes and figuring out what smell went with what taste and   it was a cool and exciting time for kids and I mean think about it they’re like a year old   so it doesn’t take much to amuse them but this was the rewarding reward equals dopamine equals let’s do   that again it involved power and control of the child at this point was starting to be able to feed him   or herself was starting to be able to be somewhat independent from the parent when it came to the basic physiological function of eating so eating itself had its rewards and it was self-esteem   building because the child started learning you know how to feed himself and how to ask for what   he or she wanted at least in terms of food there are formations of memories around foods even as   early as toddlerhood you know we have celebrations we have birthdays we have different things and most   children have certain foods that they really like and it could be because the first time   that ate that food was a really happy experience or it could be just that’s their favorite food   and that’s all they want to eat but they remember that food and they remember when they ate it they   felt good they felt happy so as an adult there’s a part of their brain going chicken nuggets make me happy now that’s how the toddler thought as an adult we can understand that chicken   nuggets themselves aren’t making you happy but you see the connections that we’re making here there’s   been an association between happiness and chicken nuggets unhealthy foods especially for children   when as adults we’re still able to control what they eat your sugary foods your unhealthy foods   are usually reserved for treats or rewards so when you’re feeling like you need to be rewarded   when you’re feeling like you want to feel good sometimes you’ll resort to those things when you   were a kid that made you feel good like chocolate chip cookies or Haagen-Dazs or whatever it was for   you we’ve talked in the past about associations and conditioning and this is all coming back kind   of full circle now because we need to understand that our brain has associated pleasure and reward   with food for a lot of different reasons not just because of nourishment looking at the reasons why   your patient eats is going to help you understand what underlying issues you may need to address in treatment culturally we associate eating with caring and celebrating think about birthdays and holidays what do we do we get together we have buffets we have pot Luck’s when someone passes   away what do you do you bring food over when somebody’s sick what do you bring food   over so in our culture there is a lot of emphases put on eating and nourishing and that’s true of a   lot of different cultures with low blood sugar can cause feelings of depression and anxiety which   are quelled by food so if somebody typically doesn’t eat well during the day you know they   go long periods without eating or if they have blood sugar issues to begin with and then they   eat they feel better so when they start feeling not so good what do you think their first reaction   is let me eat and see if that helps evolution predisposes the human body to crave high sugar high-fat high calorie foods for quick energy and to prepare for a famine our bodies are cool   and frustrated at the same time because you know your body takes in these foods and   it says we’re gonna secrete the most amount of dopamine and the most amount of reward for these high-calorie foods because we want to make sure we’re prepared in case there’s a famine back   you know in the day many many many years ago hundreds of years ago we couldn’t guarantee we   would have a meal every day let alone three meals every day so the body prepared and it   said alright we need to get whatever we can when we can so we’re going to make this a higher fat   higher calorie food more rewarding now I said it’s also can be a blessing and a curse today   there’s still a little part of our primordial a brain that says if it thinks there’s a famine   it will slow down your base metabolic rate which causes people to gain weight we see this a lot   in people with eating disorders who tend to not take in very many calories or if they take them   in they purge them so the body goes well I can’t guarantee I’m gonna get enough food I’m gonna get   enough energy to survive so I’m just gonna turn down the thermostat a little bit to turn down the   base metabolic rate which compounds the problem for the person with an eating disorder so it’s   important to understand that the brain is somewhat active to what’s going on so I keep saying we   need to figure out what’s behind or underlying the craving first we need to rule out physical   causes for some people it’s as simple as this if they’ve got low blood sugar because they’re not   eating too often and obviously as counselors we’re not going to diagnose this their doctor or their   nutritionist will but we can start exploring and go it sounds like you might need to look at having   your blood sugar checked or talk to your doctor about how frequently you need to eat because some   people and I know I’m very guilty of it if I get into it into a groove doing something I’ll   eat breakfast and then I’ll get into a groove and before I know it it’s 3:00 in the afternoon and I   haven’t eaten for like a whole bunch of hours I’m not doing math today and my blood Sugar’s low and   I’m starting to get foggy-headed and irritable and tired so it’s a real simple fix there in   our society we are so driven and we are so we get so caught up in things because that’s such a fast   pace that it’s easy to forget to eat or easy to avoid eating so that’s the first thing we want to   rule out are you eating in response to low blood sugar which is making eating seem more rewarding   and when you eat in response to low blood sugar a lot of times people who do that end up eating   more than they normally would because they start eating fast it’s like I’m gonna shovel in   as much as I can your brain doesn’t register you’re eating for 20 minutes or so so before your brain even registers what’s gone on and gets the blood sugar back up they’ve already eaten a   whole ton of food why is this under emotional eating well because generally when they go in   to just start eating yes they’re hungry but they’re also cranky and irritable and most   of the time they’re not thinking about what I’m eating for the nourishment it’s I’m eating feel better after lack   of sleep and this is so true for shift workers as well as you know new parents and college students   and anybody who’s not getting enough sleep if we are surviving on sugar and stimulants we’re going   Peak and Lower Valley Peak and Lower Valley and you just keep going up and down until you just   crash because every time you crash you crash a a little bit lower so if somebody’s on that roller   coaster they’re going to feel worse between you know eating episodes they’re going to feel tired   they’re going to feel a flood of sluggish irritable fatigued and to a certain extent maybe depressed   and they may be missing attributing those feeling those emotional feelings to emotions versus   physical causes and likewise we also want to make sure that you know we’re addressing the emotional   causes because there’s probably stuff there too but if they’re not getting enough sleep   and they’re living on sugar and stimulants their the body is kind of in a state of hyper-vigilance a   lot of times it’s exhausted so they’re going to be tired and cranky so those are a couple of things that we want to look at those are relatively easy fixes or at least relatively easy   things to point out and go let’s think about this one of the things that I suggest for a lot of my   clients is just to take a week and mindfully and it is difficult but try to eat healthfully you know   try to eat a few times a day you know try to eat like three meals a day and getting enough water and trying to get enough sleep and try not to overdo it on the stimulants at the beginning I’m not   going to say cut out anything because that’s not realistic and it’s not fair and they’re probably   already struggling if they’re coming in to see me so if I go hey let’s just turn your world upside   down and guess what you’re not going to drink any caffeine anymore it’s not going to create a happy   person so I asked them to try to make some small changes and see if that starts to help dehydration   causes fogginess and symptoms of depression we want to make sure that they rule that out and   too many stimulants also causes dehydration so you know we’re looking at some of the physical causes   of irritability and fatigue and cravings because again we’re going back to when I felt this way   before not looking at why I felt this way but when I felt irritable depressed cranky what has made me   feel better and generally food and generally it’s not good food for me it’s M&Ms I love my M&Ms, especially the ones with almonds but I digress nutritional causes of cravings high carbohydrate   and high starch foods caused a greater release of serotonin and endorphins so if you’ve got   somebody who’s depressed for whatever reason that they may crave these kinds of foods to increase their serotonin level or increase the endorphins in their energy levels chocolate people   who crave chocolate may be low in magnesium it also um the level of magnesium affects how   much serotonin is available again just keep saying this just for legal reasons we want to   make sure their doctor or nutritionist goes in and makes this diagnosis but if there are particular   foods that they do crave it’s important for them to bring that up with their medical provider if   they’re craving fatty foods now again fatty foods are just good I love fried foods but it also could   mean that they’re not getting enough Omega threes Americans typically don’t and interestingly if   they crave soda they may be calcium deficient who knew so these are things to take a look   at to ask people you know if they’re craving soda maybe cutting back on their soda a little bit and   see what happens and or getting blood work done once we’ve ruled out the obvious physical causes   they’ve gone to the doctor gotten blood work done everything I’m comes back happy they’re getting   enough sleep but they’re still eating when they’re not hungry we need to rule out habits is there a   particular time or activity that makes you crave this food when I was growing up I would go to the   grocery store with my mother and on the way back home from the grocery store she would always we   would always get junk food and she would get a bag of chips and put them in the front seat it   was like a 20-minute drive from the grocery store to our house and by the time we would get back to   the house we would have put a good dent in those potato chips that being said I got into the habit   of whenever I went to the grocery store I would get something out of the bag and put it in the   front seat and eat on the way home now am I paying attention to what I’m eating no likely am I eating   because I was hungry probably not so we want to look at habits a lot of people will eat when   they are watching TV it’s a huge one so we want to not do that or if you’re going to eat when   you’re watching TV make sure you sit at the table at least that makes you a little bit more mindful so think about their particular times or activities that you eat and you’re just not   hungry are their particular times that you mindlessly eat like like I said when you’re   driving or when you’re watching television those are both habits and can be mindless because you’re   not paying attention to how much is going on in your the mouth you’re not probably paying attention to the   taste and you’re not paying attention to whether you’re full or not so if you’re mindlessly eating   then there’s going to be a lot more calorie consumption in addition to the fact that you’re   not eating because you’re hungry you’re just eating to eat are you going too long between   meals than needing a sugar boost which leads to a sugar crash so again that’s a physical cause but   we want to rule out these bad habits that we can tend to get into other things that can   be construed as bad habits are eating without putting food on a plate if you eat straight   out of the bag you’re gonna eat more than if you put it on a plate so put it on a plate sit   down try not to watch TV all the things that your grandmother would have told you so what do we do   about it emotional eating interventions I talked earlier about the food diary do a retrospective   during the assessment if they want to get a jumpstart on things but have them keep a food   diary preferably for the duration of treatment but at least for a week what time did they eat   were they craving just any old food or something that was salty sweet sour this will give you a general idea and can give their medical provider a general   idea if there are any nutritional imbalances or if there are particular associations with what emotion or   state were you in and I say state because being exhausted is not necessarily really an emotion where you are happy sad mad glad exhausted drained whatever state feels like it would work and   then because of why were you feeling this way it doesn’t have to be a dissertation it can be short and sweet but I encourage clients to write down everything they eat before they   eat it during the first week or you know like I said preferably throughout the entire course of   treatment why before they eat it because it’s a stop remembering we’ve talked before about how we   have an urge we have a craving we have an urge and then we engage in the behavior oftentimes without   stopping to mindfully think is this what we want to do this provides that stop it says okay I’ve   got it to write down the time and then I’ve got to think about why I’m eating and honestly, a lot of   clients notice a reduction and their habit of eating when they have to do this just because they don’t   want to record-keeping that up for the period of a a month or two months helps break some of the habits eating that they might do like I said before when they’re eating I encourage them to use a plate sit   down don’t walk around don’t stand at the counter eliminate distractions as much as possible and   focus on the food you’re eating that goes with mindfully eating what does it taste like is it   good take small bites when my son was young and I think I’ve shared this before he had gastric   reflux and we would sit down at the table and I would shovel in food as fast as I could get   it in my mouth because he couldn’t be put down for too long before he would start to get fussy   at least until we figured out that he had gastric reflux and Zantac was just a lifesaver I developed   that habit when he was little and I kept it up for a while, it took a while to learn for me to   learn to go back to take you to know reasonable bites and tasting my food and even today if I’m   not paying attention too much I’ll eat my dinner rest and then I’ll sit there and I’ll be   like well yes I’ll taste that a little bit later because I didn’t taste it when I ate it encouraging   clients to be aware of their eating habits and try to avoid setting up a binge by restricting certain   foods now does that mean you have to have cakes and candy and whatever your trigger foods are   in your house all the time and in your face no I would encourage people not to do that but to say   you know I said for me M&Ms is one of my favorites reward foods if you will I don’t keep them in the   house but I will allow myself occasionally to buy a small snack-size pack of M&Ms when I’m out or   I will get a regular-size pack and I’ll share it with my daughter so I’m not restricting it   I’m not saying I can never M&Ms again I’m just not making it available to myself when I might   have some unrestricted time to try to avoid buying a bunch of comfort foods and keeping them around   the house and when you’ve got kids when you’ve got family, it’s not entirely possible usually to not   have some of that stuff around but try to avoid having the things that you particularly used for   comfort because if it’s not readily available then you’ve got to focus on guess what dealing   with the emotions instead of stuffing them with food try not to go too long without eating as I said earlier if you go too long then by the the time you get to the food your blood Sugar’s low   and you’re just shoveling it as fast as you can initially distract if you know that you’re   getting you’re eating and you’re like I’m really not hungry but I want to eat take a bath take a   walk call a friend heaven forbid get on Facebook whatever it is you can do to distract yourself   for 10 or 15 minutes if after 10 or 15 minutes you’re still going I rant whatever it is   then you can decide what to do about it then most of the time when people stop and go I’m not hungry let me distract myself they get caught up in that distraction and before they know   it they’ve forgotten about the craving to identify the emotions if you know that you’re not hungry   but you want to eat then say okay what’s going on what’s going on with me it doesn’t mean that   the person is never going to eat when they’re upset because a lot of people do and is it the end   of the world probably not necessary if they can start reducing the frequency of times that they   eat in response to emotional distress that’s what we want to progress, not perfect if it’s   depression that’s causing them to feel hopeless or helpless right now if it’s stress anxiety   or anger remember our big kind of lump together stuff what are they stressing out about do they   feel like they’re overwhelmed are they afraid of failure rejection loss of control of the unknown   we’ve gone through those things we want them to identify what’s going on with them and then they   can make better choices about how to deal with it so general coping helps them develop alternate ways   of coping with distress distract we’ve already kind of go over that one I encourage people   and you know it’s one of those DBT things that a lot of therapists encourage their clients to   keep a list of things they can do to distract themselves because it’s not always practical to   get up and go on a walk if you’re at work or it’s you know two in the morning so what else can you   do to distract yourself talk it out with a friend with yourself with your dog sometimes you just got   to get it out people who are more auditory will prefer talking it out as opposed to journaling   it now if they talk it out with themselves they can record it if they want to or sometimes it’s   just better to have a dialogue with themself if it worked for Freud it can work for other people journaling if your clients are inclined to journal encourage them to write it down sometimes just   getting stuff out of their head and onto paper will help the feelings dissipate a little bit   so you’re not mulling them over and obsessing on them and getting stuck in those thoughts and   feelings additionally while you’re distracting talking it out or journaling is also your   break stop between the urge and the behavior make a pro and con list of the de-stress, not the   eating whatever it is that’s stressing you out and how can you fix it or what are the pros of   this situation and what are the downsides to this situation encourages them to focus on the   positive you know if something stressing you out at work you know you’ve got a big meeting   coming up or something you don’t want to do or what it is you can get stuck on focusing   on that or you can focus on the positive that you do have a job that meeting only comes around once   a month you can it’s time you don’t have to be doing paperwork whatever the pros are for that   person encourage them to focus on the positive if you’re distressed because of some kind of a   failure or perceived failure figure out what you learned from it whether it was a relationship   failure maybe you learned what not to do in a relationship anymore maybe you learned things   that you may have ignored maybe you learned what you should have done instead but how can it be a   learning opportunity instead of somewhere to stay stuck and finally if something’s making you upset if something’s causing anxiety depression hopelessness helplessness whatever the negative   feeling figure out if it’s worth your energy to get stuck here is it worth the turmoil is   it worth you know having to pacify yourself with food whatever it is a lot of times people say you   know what now it’s just it’s not even worth my effort is not worth moving me away from   my goals because my goal is to stop emotional eating my goal is to eat for hunger so I can   go to dinner with people and feel comfortable I can be at a party where there’s a buffet and   not feel stressed out that I’m gonna go and eat half the stuff on the buffet that’s my goal so is   holding on to whatever this de-stress is getting me closer to being able to do those things and   generally, the answer’s no develop alternate ways of coping with the stress the ABCs the a is the   activating event that is stressing you out what’s causing the de-stress C is the emotional reaction   angry depressed stressed whatever we are your behaviors what behaviors or B are your beliefs   sorry what are the beliefs that are in there that may need to be addressed what kind of things are   you telling yourself and how can you counter them cognitively eliminate your vulnerabilities   you knew we couldn’t get through a presentation without talking about vulnerabilities if someone   is well-rested well-fed has a good social support the network does not overstretch timewise then it will be   easier to deal with stress or stressors when they come your way you’ll have more energy to deal with   it so there won’t be this overwhelming feeling of I just want to bury my head in a jar of peanut   butter be compassionate with yourself some days are you know you’re just gonna feel anxious you’re   gonna feel depressed you’re gonna get angry you can beat yourself up over it and you know a lot   of people do is that the best use of your energy or can you be compassionate can you learn from it   can you give yourself a break and go you know what I’m having a bad day today and that’s okay I’m not   gonna unpack and stay here but I’m not gonna fight it either help clients learn how to urge   surf helps them understand that just like a panic the attack is just like a wave just like a lot of other   things in life it will come it will crest and it will go out again so they can sort of identify   where they are on the energy of that urge Panic-loop-3 other tools people can use close the kitchen once   I have the kitchen cleaned and you know all the dishes are done and it looks pretty I hate going   in there and finding dishes in the sink again now I’ve got teenagers so we always have dishes in   the sink but before I had children you know at seven o’clock I finished all the dishes and closed   the kitchen and that would be enough motivation for me to not go in there and at least not use   plates and stuff to eat so if we’re saying that we’re going to only eat using utensils plates and   sitting and all that stuff that we already talked about then once you close the kitchen you’re not   going back in there turn off the light that also helps so you’re not being attracted to the pretty lights and you know all the goodies that are in the kitchen brush   your teeth this is something my grandmother used to do and it works there’s some research   behind it minty flavors reduce our appetite so if you brush your teeth you get all the other   flavors out of your mouth and it reduces your urges to eat because it again it’s clean and   fresh and do you want to brush your teeth again meditate sometimes just getting in a space   where you’re not obsessing about anything can help people get past that urge to self-soothe   with eating a CT for emotional eating what am I feeling or thinking about what’s going on with me right   now and what is important to me so if I am thinking I want to eat I want to you know just dive into   this jar of peanut butter and then I think about what’s important to me is it important to me to   get control of this is it important to me to you know to be able to fit in my clothes in six months or   not so what is in what way is controlling my eating habits and eliminating emotional   eating important to me and how does that get me closer to other things that are important to   me and what other things could I do that would get me closer to my goals so if the goal is to   have improved relationships and be able to feel more Being comfortable around food reduces the stress around   going out to eat and just around food in general what else can you do when you are stressed out somebody also suggested adding a blue light in the refrigerator decreases the appeal of foods   which is interesting because yellow red and orange and browns I think Pizza Hut are all foods   that increase people’s hunger and desire to eat but blue is just a completely different   primary color and adding a blue hue seems like that would be effective so cool   thanks for that little tidbit their holiday help and you know we’re coming into the holidays so   I’ve got to bring that up at every single glass choose lower-calorie foods if you tend to get   stressed out or caught up or mindlessly eat when you are at family gatherings, okay you know cut   yourself a break know that that’s probably gonna happen to fill up on the lower calorie foods the   carrot sticks broccoli the white meat turkey anything available that’s not like sweet   potato pie or brownies keeps water or low calorie beverage in your hand if you’ve got your hand full   you can’t eat at the same time so you know if you walk around with a cup in your hand it helps   talk to people hopefully you don’t talk with your mouth open or talk with food in your mouth so if   you’re talking to people you’re not going to be as inclined to go get something to eat because you’re   wanting to stay engaged in that conversation stay away from the buffet especially if you know that   it could get stressful or maybe you know for me I turn into a pumpkin at like 7:30 at night I get up   at 4:00 but I turn into a pumpkin at 7:30 and a a lot of times holiday parties and those sorts of   things are at eight nine o’clock at night and you know I’ve already turned into a pumpkin so   I know that if I go to those I’m gonna be more likely to eat just to kind of stay away because   I’m tired and it’s a bad habit it’s not because I’m hungry so I know I need to stay away from   the buffet during those times we rehearse refusal skills if somebody says oh you’ve got to try it by   two this figure out how you’re going to address that ahead of time because there’s generally   probably a lot of really good foods and you may want to taste some but sometimes people who   emotionally eat know if they start eating if they start eating high-fat high calorie foods they’re   gonna want to eat everything so if I start with one bite of a brownie I’m gonna want to eat every   suite that’s on the table if they know that then they may want to choose to not even go down that   road at that juncture and encourage people to stay mindful of their distress meter before they go   back for another helping and ask themselves am i hungry am I just wanting to taste what’s here   and how do I feel about that or am I eating just because I don’t want to be here and I’m   bored and I want to fill the time have people keep an index card with their coping mantra   and two reasons they don’t want to emotionally eat so I need to be here I can do this whatever   the mantra is that’s gonna get them through the night whatever they’re telling themselves that   it’s gonna help them plow through and make the right choices but also two reasons that they   don’t want to eat or they’re going to get around maybe they’ve got something at home that they   can eat when they get home eating before they go to the party may also help prevent some grazing   holidays bring out a lot of emotions in people some people struggle with depression anxiety   jealousy grief anger you know the whole gamut during this time and during this time there’s   food everywhere I mean starting at Halloween when your kids bring home the Halloween candy which   usually lasts about a week in our house baby Oh Halloween candy followed by getting ready   for Thanksgiving followed by doing all the baking or whatever you do and the holiday parties coming   up on the December holiday season there’s just food everywhere so it’s really easy to cope if you   will with stress being overwhelmed by being tired by not eating enough healthy food by binging   on unhealthy and soothing food if you will so it’s encouraged it’s important to encourage people to   stay mindful of why they’re eating what they’re eating when constantly bombarded with high-fat high carbohydrate foods people are tempted to eat to feel calm yeah I challenge anybody to say that   they’ve never eaten and go okay you know I’m just focused on this right now I’m not thinking about   everything out here and it feels good um I’m good now goods are probably not the word I should use but   it does help people distract themselves sometimes when you eat especially those high-intensity foods   you feel happier serotonins release dopamine is released you’re like oh that’s good   I want to do that again or you just feel numb you can get into a zone where you’re just eating and   not caring it’s not that you’re feeling calm you’re just not feeling anything and a lot   of times when people get into that zone they’re not tasting the food either they’re just kind of on an autopilot emotional eating like most other escape behaviors never address the underlying   emotions and their causes so we need to look at it are you feeling anxious are you feeling   jittery are you feeling depressed because your blood Sugar’s low because you’re nutritionally   deficient because you’re not getting enough sleep or because there’s something cognitive going on or   all of the above emotional eating often results in physical issues like weight gain poor sleep   and reduced energy weight gain is you know in and of itself, a few pounds here and they’re not a big   deal but some people can start emotionally eating to feel better they gained a lot of weight then   they start feeling less energetic it starts being harder to move around they get to the point where   they are clinically obese then they’re going I’m never going to take all this weight off they feel   hopeless and helpless you see where this is going so they eat some more can cause poor sleep apnea it’s hard to get it’s also hard to get comfortable sometimes if you’ve eaten a whole   bunch of food right before you go to bed you know your bellies all full and little you wake up the   next morning and your belly still awful which means you probably didn’t sleep very well the   night before and emotional eating often results in reduced energy because the foods we binge on   the foods we eat for self-soothing often end up causing a sugar crash some people try to undo   emotional eating by restricting other calories which can lead to nutritional deficits and more   cravings I had a girlfriend when I was in high school and you know think back to I don’t know if   they still do it but when we were in high school there was always some kind of candy sale going on   and she would always forgo all other food so she could have two chocolate bars each day and you   know we’re not going to get into the all the other issues surrounding only eating two chocolate bars   but the point I’m making it right now is the fact she wasn’t getting protein she wasn’t getting you to know most of her vitamins and minerals and stuff that her body needed to make the neurotransmitter   so she could feel happy and she was contributing to a sugar crash but I also know that it’s common   around the holidays for people to do this they’ll let go all day without eating because they know   they’re going to a party tonight and there’s going to be a lot of really good food doing that once in   a while is not a big deal doing that 10 or 15 times in a month could start to have problems emotional   eaters need to first find a way to stop before they eat so whether it’s writing in a journal   or adding there are a lot of apps on your phone that you can put your food in even if you’re   not writing about your emotions and your cravings and all that kind of stuff sometimes it’s enough   to make people stop before they each for the food or you know kind of an extreme way   to go is to not keep pre-processed or prepackaged foods in the house so anything that you’re going   to eat you’ve got to make a second identity the underlying reason for your eating figure   out do I generally eat in response to and then address the thoughts and emotions leading to the   urges so if you figure out that the underlying emotions for your eating or your depression then   what thoughts are maintaining that depression and how can you address it once you address the   underlying issues of some of the emotional eating will go away some of its habits we’re going to   have to break that habits and over the course of you know past couple of decades of working with   people my experience has been the majority of the time people don’t want to hear well once you deal   with your emotional issues the emotional eating will go away now they’re there because they want   to stop that behavior right now so yes we need to work on all the underlying issues but give them   a tip or a trick or a tool whatever you want to call it to use before they walk out of your office   after every single session that way they have something else they can put in their toolbox and   feel more empowered to have control over what’s going on with them and what’s coming their way knowing what and why is 80% of helping them get to the recovery   point now if there’s co-occurring or if the eating issues are more than just emotional   eating if there’s the person meets the criteria for binge eating disorder bulimia   or anorexia there are a lot of other underlying issues they’re gonna   have to be dealt with so I don’t want to trivialize that but I do want people   to feel like they’ve got some hope over what’s going on are there any questions if you enjoy this podcast please like and subscribe either in your podcast player or   on YouTube you can attend and participate in our live webinars with doctor Snipes by   subscribing at all CEUs comm slash counselor toolbox this episode has   been brought to you in part by all CEUs com providing 24/7 multimedia continuing   education and pre-certification training to counselors therapists and nurses since 2006 used coupon code consular toolbox to get a 20% discount on your order this month As found on YouTube Human Synthesys Studio It’s Never Been Easier To Create Human Spokesperson Videos. 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