Drew Linsalata: This week on the
anxious truth, we’re finally going to do a Frequently Asked
Questions episode. Actually, we’re going to do two of them.
This is the first one. So let’s go Hello, everybody. Welcome back
to the anxious truth. This is podcast episode number 216.
Recorded in July of 2022. The Anxious Truth is the podcast
that covers all things anxiety, anxiety, disorders, and recovery.
I am Drew Linsalata, creator and host of the anxious truth, I am
happy that you’re here. Before we get cooking on part one of
our Frequently Asked Questions episodes, I would like to remind
you that the anxious truth is more than just this podcast
episode, there are hundreds of other free episodes. There’s a
ton of free social media content, there’s a large,
engaged vibrant social media community around this podcast
and around the work that I do. There are three currently three
self-help books that I’ve written about anxiety and
anxiety recovery that are legitimately helping tens of
1000s of people around the world right now.
There’s also a free
morning newsletter called the anxious morning, all of those
things can be found all the time on my website, at the anxious
truth.com. So go check that out, and avail yourself of the free
resources. And I will ask you that if you are enjoying my
work, you’re enjoying this podcast, and I’m helping you in
some way. And you would like to find a way to help keep it free
of advertising and sponsorships. Because frankly, I’m tired of
turning down money from the anxiety bracelet people, you can
find all the ways to support my work at the anxious
truth.com/support. Never required, always appreciated.
And yeah, I just appreciate you guys no matter what you do. So
here we are in Episode 216. Really, and truly, I should have
done this episode a couple of years ago, I’ve waited way too
long to do frequently asked questions.
These are the
questions that get asked again and again and again. So I
compiled a bunch of them myself. And then I also asked for help
from some of my favorite people in the world, the admins and
moderators in my Facebook group. Like what are the questions that
we hear all the time in the group, that group is approaching
10,000 people, it’s very busy. And so we get these questions
all the time. So in the eight years that I’ve been doing this
podcast, these are the questions that I get asked again and again
and again. So the reason why I’m doing this episode, and then
next week, episode 217 will be part two of the frequently asked
questions so that we can put them all in one place. And you
could just pop on over to these two podcast episodes, or the
corresponding YouTube videos on my YouTube channel. And just get
those answers if you need them. It’ll just be an easy place for
us to point people.
Hey, here are the top 20 questions that we get
asked Oh, listen to this. So let’s get into it. The first
question that I’m going to cover, and I’m going to do these
pretty quickly, I guess because I don’t want this to be a really
long episode. I get asked all the time am I drew. Are you
fully recovered? Or do you experience anxiety or panic
attacks anymore? And the answer to that is Hell yeah. I am 100%
totally completely recovered. I do not have any anxiety
disorders anymore. I am completely confident in saying
that that is no lie. Now, does that mean that I never
experienced anxiety or panic? Now it doesn’t mean that at all.
One of the things that you will learn if you’re just getting
familiar with this work is that that is not what recovery looks
like, I will tell you that I can have an anxious day down on them
because I can experience stress and sometimes stress is anxiety
for normal healthy human beings.
So yeah, sometimes I feel
anxiety. But all human beings experience anxiety, sometimes.
I’m just not afraid of it anymore. And that’s the
difference between anxiety and anxiety disorder. Can I have
panic attacks? Sure, I might have a couple of panic attacks a
year. Now. It’s been a long time since I had one the last time
was probably eight months maybe ago. I tried to document the
aftermath of that on my Instagram account. If you follow
me over there. It’s a highlight of my stories. But yeah, I could
I could have a panic attack today. It’s possible. I just
don’t care if I do or I don’t. I mean, I prefer not to because
it’s disruptive. But how do I know that I’m completely and
utterly recovered and that I do not have an anxiety disorder
anymore, that I don’t care? I just do not care whether I panic
or don’t panic, and I don’t care whether I’m anxious or not.
Because anxiety now occupies a regular normal, healthy space
in my life. So that’s the difference between anxiety and
anxiety disorders.
I do not have an anxiety disorder. I’m no
longer afraid of what I think and how I feel. Nor am I worried
that I might be anxious or panicky tomorrow, because even
if I were to panic right after I finished recording this podcast,
it will start it will peak it will and the whole thing will be
over in about 10 minutes. I’ll feel shaky for another half hour
or 45 minutes and I’ll get on with my life.
And that’s
recovery. And that is me I am fully recovered 100% I’m not
lying, I swear to God. So the next question that I get asked
is full recovery actually possible? And while I just kind
of answered that, so yes, I am 100% fully recovered if you
paraded me in front of one hundred therapists and toll and ask them
to assess me and diagnose me. I am I’m completely confident I
would bet you every physical asset I have in the world that
100% of them would find out the diagnosis to be had. But it’s
not just me, right? So, I don’t want to say that well, because
If I’m recovered, then that means everybody can recover.
I just
have seen too many people, hundreds of 1000s of people over
the years that I’ve been privileged to interact with you
guys have also reached a state of complete and full
recovery, and will tell you the same thing that I just told you.
Sometimes they get anxious, they might panic now and then they
might have intrusive thoughts. And then they might
experience anxiety sensations now and then, but they are 100%
fully recovered from their anxiety disorder. So yes, I
promise I would not spend the time that I do on this if I did
not fully believe and see evidence every day and a large
population of people that full recovery is, in fact possible.
It is. It’s possible I see them every day. If you’re in my
Facebook group, you see them every day, too. You just might
not notice that. Or you might be skewed and thinking, Well, this
person had a panic attack, I have been told I’ll use my own
personal experience.
I’ve been told by people online that
because I had a panic attack eight months ago I’m lying,
and I’m not recovered. What’s the point if you still can have
a panic attack, and they’re missing the whole thing? And
they can have that opinion if they want. That’s okay, we won’t
see eye to eye. But sometimes the fact that you’re so
desperate to never panic again, you’re so desperate to feel
better, you’ll discount what recovery actually looks like,
right now.
I get that that’s okay, you’re getting there. As
you work it down the road. As you get better with the process,
you’ll start to understand what it really means. And you’ll see
oh, yeah, people really do recover, and I can be one of
them. So I promise full recovery is only possible I see it every
day. And just about every therapist that you can find in
the world that specializes in treating anxiety disorders will
tell you that Oh, sure.
It’s fully possible. Some people with
OCD will say well, you can never cure OCD. But you can live
without it crippling you and controlling your life. And
that’s what sometimes gets debated. Because just like with
anxiety, you may have thoughts, you may have intrusive thoughts
now. And then they may pop up, especially when you’re stressed.
But even then even people that say, well, it’s there’s no cure
for that will tell you, but you don’t have to be crippled by it
anymore.
And that’s recovery. So that’s question number two.
Question number three, Excuse me, this is a bit of a loaded
question. And you guys know that it’s something that I don’t
spend a whole lot of time talking about. But I have to
address it because it comes up all the time every day. And
question number three is, can I recover without medication? So I
will if you aren’t really interested, I did a three-part
series in this podcast about a year and a half ago, I don’t
remember which episodes those are if you just go to the
anxious truth.com and use the search tool and search for
antidepressant or SSRI you’ll see those three episodes. I told
the whole story. Can I recover without medication? Yeah, yeah.
Now, let me preface this by saying that if you believe that
you are better off on medication, and you think that
you should just take that for the rest of your life, I am
still going to 100% support you as one human being to another, I
completely respect your ability to make a decision that you
think is best for you.
100%. So I’m going to say that it is
possible to recover without medication. But please do not
tell me that I met shaming everybody, or anybody, you may
choose to take medication. And that’s a perfectly valid choice.
What I’m saying right now, doesn’t make that doesn’t make
what I’m saying is untrue. And it doesn’t mean that I’m
invalidating your path. But I get asked, Is it possible to
recover without medication? And the truth of that is, is that I
have besides me again, hundreds and 1000s of people that I’ve
seen do it. So, what am I supposed to say?
The answer is yes.
Yes, it’s there. The evidence is right
there. I’m evidence, as are these hundreds and 1000s of
people that I see all the time. Again, if you were in my
Facebook group, you know, people that have recovered without
medication, you know, people who were on medication did the work
of tapering off. Sometimes it was pretty fast. Sometimes it
was a struggle. But yeah, you can people do recover without
medication. So if you are taking meds now and you’re hoping one
day to not I get you because that was me, that used to be me.
Yes, you can come off it. Sometimes it’s difficult, that’s
for sure. But is it possible to come off your medication and
fully recover? It is possible. So, the answer to that question is,
can I recover without medication as I did, and many, many people
do, but your circumstance is yours and you get to make the
decision that you think is right for you.
And everybody should
respect that. All right, so that’s all I’m going to say about
medication. Please don’t ask me and tell me that I’m med-shaming
anybody. I’m not excuse me. If you want to take medication, and
you think it’s best for you to go for it. Don’t let anybody knock
you down for that including me. So that fourth question is not
really a question. It’s more of a statement and this is a thing
that people will kind of not throw at me.
They’re not being
mean. I understand. And that is this statement. You know, that’s
easier said than done. Drew, I, and I understand it totally is
it completely. This is all easier said than done. But I
will weighed down that I never talked
about it being easy. In fact, I talked about how hard it is all
the time, every single day, I will validate that this is very
difficult. The recovery plan that I’m always talking about,
and I’m not the only one, I didn’t invent this, remember, I
did not invent any of this. I just seem to be good at relaying
it to people and explaining it. To me, I guess. But I didn’t
invent this. But nobody who’s in the business of treating anxiety
disorders or being an advocate, whatever it is, and talks about
the things that I talked about, and believes in this approach,
nobody will tell you that it’s easy. So if anybody comes at
you, and tells you that, you know, they have a fast way for
you to cure your panic disorder, or your agoraphobia, or your
OCD, or your health anxiety, run because there really aren’t
really easy ways to do this.
This is hard. The plan and the
concept are simple. But the execution is hard. It is hard.
And I’ve done a podcast episode about that. Now, if you go to
the anxious truth.com/ 216, in the show notes of this episode,
on my website, I will link the episodes that I’m referencing
here, I did an episode entirely dedicated to that. Like, why is
recovery so hard? Well, there’s a bunch of reasons why it’s
hard. First and foremost you have to be brave, you have to
face your fear.
It’s counterintuitive. It’s the
opposite of what you want to do. You’re running toward
discomfort. Nobody wants to do that. So when you tell me,
that’s easier said than done, my answer to you is correct. That
is correct. I never promised you easy. I never talked about easy.
I talked about it being hard all the time. This is easier said
than done. It’s a simple plan, it’s really hard to execute for
a variety of reasons. Right? So that’s not question four. It’s
statement four. How’s that? So number five, in the hit parade
here, and our frequently asked questions in this episode is,
how can I be sure that this really is just anxiety? This is
definitely a tough live question. I hear it all the
time. But how can I be sure that it’s just anxiety?
So let me put
this into context. If you are a typical sufferer of things like
panic attacks or agoraphobia, health, anxiety, whatever it
happens to be, if you’re typical, and you kind of follow the
patterns that most of us follow that I follow that many, many
people follow, you have been checked out again, and again.
And again, maybe you’ve been to the ER or the A&E, like you
Guys call it in the UK.
Maybe you’ve been to the emergency
room in the hospital again, and again, and again, maybe you’ve
been to 16 general practitioners and a bunch of specialists and
you keep asking for different tests. And you always need to
Well, what about this, let’s go to this symptom. You know, I bet
you check that out. So the context that I’m talking about
right here is that you have gone through all of that. You
have been told by a team of medical
professionals that there is nothing wrong with you right
now.
This is anxiety. So that’s the question that I’m answering,
right? So it’s okay to get yourself checked out. Everybody
does it. When new things come up in your body, it’s okay to check
them out. There’s no crime in that. There’s nothing wrong with
that. But once you have been checked out and given that
medical clearance, how can I be sure that it’s really just
anxiety? The doctor keeps telling me that everybody keeps
telling me that drew. How can, I be sure? The answer to that
question? This is a sucky one. And I did an episode on this
too.
So I’ll link that in the show notes of this one. The
answer is you can’t ever be sure. That’s true. You cannot
ever be 100% certain, but you don’t need to be right. So
people who are not suffering in the grips of disordered anxiety
and the irrational fear that comes with that. And the
distortions of magnifications. Understand that they are not
living in certainty either. They’re just willing to be
certain enough. I did a podcast episode with Sally
Winston, where she talked about, that she and Marty Self
wrote a book called Needed to Know for Sure, which is a great,
great book that I highly recommend. And she talked about
being short enough, like air quotes, normal people, and I
know you can’t see me because no video in this episode, but so-called normal people are short enough.
People with disordered
anxiety can never be sure enough. But the reality of this
is part of the recovery process is that you are learning
how to be short enough. And in the episode that I did
titled How can I be sure this is really anxiety, I went into a
thing that I call life math, and I talked about this, and the
distortions and magnifications that really overblow the
risk in your mind right now. But as you go down the road and you
become more and more recovered and a little bit closer to
to so-called normal that life math goes back to a normal state
The risk is no longer overblown and you learn to be sure enough
again. And trust me, that is a state that is perfectly okay.
That’s the normal human state. How can I be sure that if I have
pain in my chest after a stressful day it’s not a
heart attack? I can’t be 100% Sure I can’t. But I don’t have
to immediately assume that it is a heart attack and go into
immediate emergency mode.
So that’s the answer to that
question. How can I be sure you can’t ever be 100% sure of
almost anything in life, but you can learn to be short enough? And you
can learn when anxiety goes back to a healthy position in your
life, to navigate that uncertainty more productively
and more effectively so that you know, now it’s time to call for
help. It’s time to go see a doctor, you’ll know. Believe me,
I know. Now, back then I had no idea. I thought it was always
time to see a doctor. And I’m sure you do too, right now. And
it seems super scary to not see that doctor, but you’ll get
there. So let’s move on to Question six. Where are we 15
minutes? How can I be brave and face the anxiety without
running? Look, this is at the core of everything that I talked
about right is about going toward the anxiety or allowing
it without resistance. I use the term surrender. Josh Fletcher
talks about willful tolerance, Claire Weeks talks about
acceptance and floating. So, we are allowing this scary stuff,
the scary sensations, the disturbing thoughts, the OMG
thoughts, the catastrophic guts, we’re allowing all of that.
And
We’re facing it and allowing it to reach its peak so that it
comes back down naturally. And we can learn I can navigate
through this. I don’t have to run from it. But that requires
courage. Because I’m going to do a podcast episode on this shortly
I would dedicate an episode to the fact that you will be
afraid. Yeah, yeah, you’re going to be afraid you’re going to be
uncomfortable, you’re going to be vulnerable and unsure and
uncertain. And those are really tough things to just deal with
to just sit in and allow. And people will ask me all the time,
but how can I be brave? And do that? And the answer to that is,
I can’t tell you how to be brave. And a lot of times it
doesn’t. And I’ve done episodes on this to bravery. I’ve written
my morning newsletter, the anxious morning, and did a whole
series on bravery.
How can I be brave and face anxiety without
running? There are no lessons on how to be brave. Just gain an
understanding that being brave doesn’t mean you’re not afraid. Brave
means that you are in fact afraid. But you’re doing
the thing that you have to do anyway. So, my best tip for
how to be brave is to first start with an understanding that
brave means that you’re afraid and if you take a leap of faith
that you can you’ll be okay. Even if you’re afraid. That’s
what bravery is. So, a lot of people are convinced that like,
Well, I’m not brave, because I’m still really afraid. Yeah,
you’re going to be afraid bravery doesn’t mean not being
afraid.
It means being afraid and doing it anyway. And before
I move on from this question, I need to clarify that this is not
I mean, yeah, there’s that old I don’t even know where comes from
maybe it was a book self-help book. Feel the fear and do it
anyway. Okay. Yeah, kind of like that’s a gross
oversimplification. Do it anyway. Okay, a little bit of an
oversimplification simplification. Just do it. You
know, like the Nike slogan, do not ever let anybody tell you
that my message or the message of anybody that sounds like me
is just do it. That Frost’s me that grinds my gears in
a big way. Recovery is not just doing it; nobody is telling you to
suck it up. No one’s telling you to just do it. This isn’t a
badass, hardcore character, proof of character, or strength
thing. This is hard. Being brave is hard.
And it’s nuanced. And
You’d be braver on Tuesday than you are on Wednesday. And then
Maybe you’ll be brave again on Sunday. You don’t know it waxes
and wanes. So just allow all that, like, do the best you can.
Sometimes bravery is very imperfect. Most of the time.
It’s imperfect. That’s okay. But none of this just boils down to
silly stuff, like just do it. Hate that don’t like that very
invalidating.
Okay, so the next question, this is a big one. And
this is also a sensitive topic. Don’t I need to find the
root cause of my panic attacks to get better? Sometimes the
word healing don’t I have to heal to stop my panic attacks?
Well, here’s the deal. When you are now afraid of the panic
itself, and I’ve talked about this, I’ve talked about this. In
some of my earliest episodes, anxiety is physical Anxiety
disorders are cognitive. I’ve explained how these things come
to be and the evolution of what an anxiety disorder looks
like. But the crux of the matter here is, don’t I need to find the
root cause. Don’t I have to heal my pain? Or my suffering in
order to stop my panic attacks? The answer is maybe. But if you
are now primarily concerned with the fact that you are anxious,
then you have a different problem. So you may just have
that problem in my life. That’s the only problem I’ve ever
found. For whatever reason, I started to have panic attacks. I
don’t know why I may never know why.
But guess what, I fully
recovered without ever finding out why. And I may never know
one day I may know, I don’t know. But once I was only afraid
of the next attack, once I became afraid of my own
heartbeat, my own thoughts, my own emotions, my own lungs, me
own legs. Once I became afraid of the state of being anxious
itself, then if there was some sort of root cause or pain
trigger, it didn’t matter anymore. So the litmus test here
is, what am I afraid of? Right so if you walk out of your
house, and you experience panic because you have been assaulted,
and you are you feel unsafe because have the memories of that
assault, then yeah, then that’s a root cause thing for
sure.
I would never ever invalidate that. It’s true. But
if you started that way, and are now just afraid that well, if I
walk into the house, and then I don’t like how I feel, that has
become the primary fear. Well, now you have two problems, you
have to work on the disorder and anxiety part. And then maybe
There’s some healing, some trauma work to do. Yeah, that
could be more than one thing can be true at one time. So, when I
say that you do not need to find the root cause of your panic
attacks or anxiety to get better. I’m talking about a
situation where you have learned to be afraid of your own body
and thoughts. Right. So, in that situation, the root cause kind
of doesn’t matter anymore.
It still might be there. And one
day, you may do that work, maybe you’ll do that work
simultaneously, as you’re doing the anxiety disorder, recovery
work could be people do that. But to stand on your feet
again, and no longer be afraid of your own heartbeat, which is
the thing I use all the time. No, you don’t need to find a
root cause.
Whatever that root cause is, did not make
you are afraid of your own heartbeat. It may have been the
trigger that caused your heart to beat faster, and those first
waves of anxiety as far as panic attacks. But now you’re afraid
of your heart itself. So the root cause is on the back burner
now, sorry, it is. And the beauty of some of this
process is many, many people in our community come to this
process and figuratively, metaphorically, they’re on fire,
they’re burning, they’re burning, I can’t get out of my
own bed, I can’t leave my bedroom, I cannot even walk to
the other side of the house. without panicking. I have to sit
in the dark all day. I’m super sensitized. I can do nothing I
just panic, panic, panic all day long.
I’m anxious, anxious,
anxious, the thoughts, the thoughts, the thoughts. And they
stopped digging for root causes, they started doing this kind of
work, and they put the fire out. And then they discover like,
Okay, I’m back to a state where now maybe I could do some of
that root cause work. I see that every single day. And for those
people, they have very difficult but sometimes very rewarding
journeys and experiences. But digging for a root cause because
everybody just assumes that panic is caused by some sort of
unhealed pain is really a very damaging narrative in the
anxiety disorder community. So no, you don’t need that. And I
will tell you right now, if you’ve been working with
anybody, whether they just be supportive friends, family
members, or a therapist that has been digging for your root cause
for two years, and you still can’t find it, and you still
can’t leave your house, you got to rethink that relationship.
I’ll say it.
Okay, I can say that. So that is the answer to
the root cause question. I’ve talked about this, all of the
things I’m talking about today, I’ve written about that, in my
books there another episode of the podcast are in the morning
newsletter, and they’re in my social media content. They’re
all there. So let’s move on to the next question. Another sort
of hot topic that I catch a lot of heat about, why don’t I talk
about things like nutrition or diet or supplements? I get
asked, I don’t understand Drew. It’s a mind-body thing.
Everybody loves the mind. The body loves the mind and body. Listen, I have no
problem with mind-body. I’m cool with that. I don’t believe that
the fact that there’s a connection between your mind and
your body is news.
Like, we kind of know this already. It’s
not news. It’s not profound. It doesn’t necessarily inform the
recovery process. Just like my answer to the last
question, if you are afraid of your own heartbeat, or you have
thoughts that you can’t, necessarily unhinged, unhitch
from and they are dragging you up and down the street every
day, even though you know they shouldn’t, and you know, they’re
not true, but you get dragged around anyway. If you’re afraid
of your own breath, if you’re terrified to be alone, because
What if something happens, and nobody’s here to save me,
because I might panic. And my anxiety might be dangerous this
time, then there is nothing in your gut biome that’s going to
Make a hill of beans a difference about that.
Now, this
is not to say that I don’t believe in taking good care of
your body, we should all take good care of our bodies. There’s
nothing wrong with that whatsoever. Again, these are not
mutually exclusive things. I don’t talk about diet or
nutrition or supplements, because everybody should take
care of their bodies. But in this paradigm that I have
embraced in my life, that many, many of us in this cognitive
behavioral approach to anxiety disorders have embraced,
that doesn’t enter into it.
Really, you know, look, don’t
let yourself get run down. Don’t be unhealthy. Take good care of
yourself as best you can. But I’m going to tell you right now, that I
have run across hundreds and hundreds of people who have
fully recovered from a steady diet of sugar, processed foods, and
cigarettes. They still got better. They probably have
terrible gut biomes I’m guessing I’m no expert on that. But the
reason why I don’t talk about those things is because even
though you feel anxiety physically, an anxiety disorder
is not a physical problem. Is it possible that I don’t know
something in your leaky gut syndrome or something
that caused your initial panic attack to maybe, but now you’re afraid
of the attack?
Itself. This is why the
community is full of people who spent just gobs and gobs of
money on all kinds of supplements and herbs and
special diets and programs, who still are having a problem, they
may have incredibly well-balanced gut biomes. And I know
I keep going back to that, you know, they’re treating that air
quotes the second brain as best as you, as we know, to treat it,
feeding it the most, you know, whole organic foods and
supplementing properly, but still can’t get better. There’s
a reason for that.
There’s a reason for that. So that’s why I
don’t talk about nutrition or diet or supplements because, to
me, it’s a red herring and recovery. It’s a thing that
everybody should take good care of take, Please take good care
of your physical health, please. Like I wouldn’t, you know,
advise everybody to do that.
But chasing diet, supplements, herbs
in recovery is a red herring, it leads us down paths, and we don’t
need to go and it becomes frustrating. Because I’m
guessing that for every 100 people listening to my words,
Right now, there are at least thirty-five of you who have a closet or a
box, or a big plastic container full of at least 300 US dollars
worth of vitamins, supplements, herbs, special diets, magnesium
powder that you all were just hoping we’re going to be the
answer.
And I’m sorry that they weren’t. But that’s why I’m
talking about this because it’s somewhat irrelevant in recovery.
But please, please be healthy. Please take as good care of your
body as you can. Okay, so question number nine,
and then we’re going to do this one. And then one more, we’ll
wrap it up.
Why don’t I know I’m sorry. Question number nine is
why we need a recovery plan. So, if you read my book, The
Anxious Truth, which is my recovery guide, you’ll talk
about having a plan all the time. Like why do we need to
plan? So I know this is confusing for
a lot of people, especially since we’ll talk about this in a
question next week and episode 217. Like, but I don’t have
panic attacks. I don’t know what my exposures are. So, what would
my plan be? I understand that’s confusing, but why do I say that
we should have a recovery plan? Look, you cannot plan every
second of your recovery.
So some people hear the plan and they think
that they can literally plan every hour of every day
specifically to optimize the recovery. No, you can’t this is
you can’t become a robot. But the reason why I say we need a
plan is that if we do not have a plan to follow, that informs the
actions that we will take, we will too easily fall into only
acting based on how we feel. We’ll only challenge ourselves
on the good days when we’re feeling better. That’s bad that
we don’t learn anything. When we’re feeling better. We will
make our decisions based on our emotions, our symptoms, and our
thoughts, We make a plan so that we can put some objectivity, and
to that, I woke up this morning, and I’m anxious as hell.
But my
plan says that I go and do my exposures in the morning. So I
will go do that. So a plan injects some much-needed two
things, much-needed objectivity into the process? Because odds
are if you’re still kind of lost right now and don’t know what to
do. You’re making all of your decisions based on subjective
judgments. How do I feel? What does this mean? What do I think
about this? What might be wrong? Oh, my God, what could this be?
That’s all subjective. We need objectivity. And a plan gives us
objectivity. When we are in an anxious state, and we are
frantic, and beside ourselves, we are terrible decision-makers.
So a plan gets us out of the business of making decisions on
the fly. Right? So American football teams, and I’ve talked
about this all the time, create playbooks.
They know who they’re
playing on Sunday, they get ready and they know what the
first 15 plays are that they’re going to run that’s just
scripted, done. They have playbooks to tell us in this
situation, we run this play in this situation, we’re on this
plate. Yeah, there’s some creativity there, of course, but
they don’t wait to make it up on the fly in the heat of a game.
And this is the same reason why I talked about having a recovery
plan. It’s so to me, it’s very important because otherwise you
will be governed by your fear, your irrational fear
distortions. magnifications, how you feel your symptoms, that
stuff will just drag you around. And then you wind up in
that situation where it’s like, I’m doing my exposures. Oh,
well, when was the last time you did a driving exposure? Well, I
was I being out on Friday and today’s Wednesday, like, but
that’s not exposure that’s interrupted avoidance.
There’s a
difference and not to get into the details. But having a plan
helps us stay clear of that trap. Right. So that’s why I say
we need a recovery plan for objectivity and to get ourselves
out of the decision-making game minute by minute when we’re
suffering and when we’re not feeling good. Make the decisions
ahead of time and then execute those decisions, no matter how
you feel. A plan does that for us. So, question number 10, which
will be the last one for this week. This is always one of my
favorite ones. You guys have heard me say this before. This
question any tips for dot fill in your symptom? Fill
in your scary thing. Any tips for nausea, any tips for
dizziness any tips or depersonalization? Any Tips for emetophobia any tips
for You know, I can probably go for another 15 minutes a name
all the specific things, Do any tips for that breathing
or feeling? Any tips for that My nose getting tingly. Any tips
for feeling like, you know having a panic attack at night?
Like, no, no, I don’t have any tips for those things.
I never
have tips for those things. The reason why I don’t have tips for
those things is that they’re all the same fear.
Right? So, anybody who has ever gone down the road of trying to
address each individual fear, like today, I’m afraid of my
heart. This is a big one. Any tips for cardio phobia? How
do I overcome a fear in my heart? And at the very same
time, there are three people asking me how they overcome
heart fear.
There are four other people telling me that
depersonalization is the worst possible thing, and how do they
overcome that? And then there are three other people behind them
that are talking about that short of breath, air hunger
feeling, and that’s the worst for them. And they want to know
how to overcome that. But the answer is the same all the time.
In the Claire weeks world, and that’s really what launched this
whole thing for me. Dr. Weeks talked about accepting and
floating, letting time pass. It’s the answer for all of them.
Even though I know that the thing that you want special tips
for right now feels much scarier than the other things. And
because it scares you more, you think it’s worthy of a special
approach to try to specifically address that fear.
But
Especially if you’re new at this game, look around at the people
who are further down the road from you. And almost without
question, they will tell you that when I get over one fear
another one often takes its place. So this is why I did a
podcast episode about following the principles of recovery and
not just instructions. I’ll link that one in the show notes.
Anxious trip.com/ 216 for the show notes of this episode. I talked about that. Then learn
the principles and apply the principles of allowing accepting
floating, willful tolerance surrendering all of navigation.
Right, he did a video with Lauren Rosen not too long ago,
We talked about the thing, the tools that we use in recovery
are not tools of eradication, they’re tools of navigation. So
I know in my own personal journey, as soon as I learned to
navigate air hunger, I was able to use those navigation skills.
When I would have PVCs and skipped heartbeats, I was able
to use those navigation skills when I experienced the
realization or dissociative state.
So I just forklifted the
same navigation skills across multiple fears. And then it all
became so obvious. And anybody who’s down the road and closer
to recovery will tell you like Yeah, I thought they were all
special. And it turns out they weren’t. So that’s why the
answer to any tips for and then you insert your scary thing
there is always the answer is always the same. And I say it
again, and again. And again. I know I start to sound, you know,
dismissive or flippant. And if you’re in my Facebook group,
you’ve seen me post this at least once a month.
Special
Reminder, no symptom is special. None. No symptoms are special. I
know you think that your symptom is but it is not. It is not.
Because, like I said if your particular thing is that you’re
afraid of your heart and you want to throw down like no, this
is the scariest one. I’ll bring somebody in the room here that’s
terrified of their own breath, and they will fight you like
They will throw hands at you because they will insist that
Theirs is worse.
And the people who have air hunger will insist
that theirs is worse and the people that are DPD our people,
They will insist that there’s more than there’ll be a big
Brawl because everybody is 100% convinced no but this one is
this special? How could you not have a tip for this? I can’t tell you the number of
times that I’ve had somebody say I would pay to have a rapid
heartbeat.
Like I’m so afraid of my breathing that I would pay to
be afraid of my heart. I have had people say that. I wish I
was dizzy. I wish I was dizzy. I’m so afraid of my heart. I
wish I was dizzy. That must be a walk in the park. That’s easy.
See what happens. So that’s why the answer to any tips is
it’s all the same tip you’re going to have to work through
navigating through the thing that you are afraid of. To learn
that I don’t have to be afraid of it it’s super disturbing and
uncomfortable and all of those things but not worthy of an
emergency response. And when you learn it for one fear you
forklift those skills to other fears and it becomes portable
across multiple fears. And then when I say all your fears are
one fear becomes painfully apparent, like holy cow, he was
right.
So if I can get through the air hunger I can get through
the dizzy, I can get through the tingly toes. I can get through
this and get like all of the things I don’t Okay, they’re
nothing new. It’s just like Oh, thanks anxiety gets through
another one than me? No problem. I know what to do with this
without needing specific instructions for oh, I need
special breathing instructions. Now I need special pdf
instructions. Now I need special nausea instructions. You don’t
need principles, learn the principles, apply them across
multiple symptoms and fears and you’re good to go. So no, I
don’t have any tips for and that is part one of our frequently
asked questions. We did 10 questions today and we will do 10
More questions next week and Pod gets episode 217.
So, come back
For that, bookmark it. If you’re on YouTube, and you’re listening
to YouTube and on YouTube, favorite the video, like
When you want to ask these questions again, come back here,
Like, listen to these again. And that’s it. So, I’ll be back again
next week, you know, the episode was over, because music that’s afterglow, the
beginning end, beginning, and end of every podcast episode, song
is written by my friend, Ben Drake.
It is sort of inspired by
this podcast and as a special song for both Ben and me. And I
appreciate that he lets me use it, you can find Ben and his
music at Kendrick music.com. So go check him out. And if you are
listening to this podcast on Spotify, Apple podcast, or
any platform that lets you rate and review, leave a five-star
rating or whatever the top one is, and then take two seconds
and maybe write a quick review because it helps other people
find the podcast. If you’re consuming this content on
YouTube and liked the video, subscribe to my channel and hit the
notification bell. So, you know when I publish more, leave a
comment.
I dig all that. And I think that’s it. That’s part one
of our frequently asked questions. I hope it’s been
helpful. I will be back next week. I do know what I’m going
to be talking about. We’ll do another 10 questions to wrap
this up. I will see you next time. Thank you for your
attention and I will leave you as I always do with a reminder
that this is the way Unknown: you got the feeling
that you got Yeah, you’re doing fine.
Now in the city, you know looking back dwelling on
the past, you know, you’ll never get another chance. See, go and
live your life.
As found on YouTube
Natural Synergy $47.⁰⁰ New Non-Invasive Alternative. To Electro-Acupuncture, Producing Astounding Results… Self-Application Is Easy, Rapid Response. You’re about to discover how both chronic and acute pain, skin conditions, migraines, and hundreds of ailments all stem from the same root cause ꆛ Yin Yang
Ailments🗯 such as➯➱ ➫ ➪➬ Chronic pain⇝Low immunity⇝Chronic acid reflux⇝High blood pressure⇝Addictions⇝Fibromyalgia⇝Allergies⇝Osteoarthritis⇝Headaches⇝Low back⇝pain Asthma⇝Headaches⇝Depression and anxiety⇝Urinary problems… to name just a few…
They’re just designed to make you feel different. But
feeling different isn’t safer at all, because you’re never in
actual danger from feeling anxious. Right? So you’re gonna
have to confront the reality behind that question. But how am
Did I suppose to surrender or accept? Well, look what those
questions mean. So next question is, what exposures can
I do get ready for dot dot dot, pick an event, a wedding, a
concert, a family vacation, something. And so in the end,
this is a simpler answer. You have to remember what exposures
are therefore, people think, or they get confused. And they
think, Well, I’m learning to drive on the highway. Again, I’m
learning to go shopping, I’m learning to stay home alone.
Again, you’re not learning to do anything. The
only thing that you’re learning to do, which is portable across
situations and challenges, and context is learning how to
get better at experiencing anxiety and fear.
So we only do
exposures, do specific things like drive go for a walk or
stay home alone or eat food that you’re afraid of. So that
it will trigger that anxiety, we were intentionally triggering
anxiety, fear, uncomfort, discomfort, uncertainty, all of
those things were intentionally triggering them so that you can
practice feeling them and moving through them in a new way, a
the more productive way that ultimately teaches you that you
don’t have to save yourself from them. So if the exposure is not
to the event, the task, or the place where the food or
whatever the exposure is to the feelings, then every exposure is
an exposure that works for other things.
Right? So if you’re
getting ready to go to, for instance, you’re going to a
concert all you got tickets to a concert, how can I expose myself
to that? I mean, yes, can you do things that sort of mimic a
concert? Yeah, that doesn’t hurt in any way. But remember, you’re
only you’re not afraid of the concert, you’re afraid of how
you will feel at the concert. So if you want to take a cruise
around the world get better at staying home alone for two
hours. That’s what I tell people all the time. If you want to go
back to work, then get better at walking around your block.
Because you’re really in the end, you’re learning a new way
to relate to anxiety across all contexts. And if you can
adopt this, then you don’t have to worry about specific
exposures for every single thing you might have to do in your
life, life gets a lot simpler that way.
And your recovery
starts to become a little wider and more durable. So it’s really
important, like think about that. I’m only doing these
things because they trigger my anxiety, the anxiety, fear,
that’s the exposure, not the task or the place. So let’s move on to the question.
You know, in 10. I know which one I want to take, we’re on
seven right now. This question is what does this method work if
I have trauma too. So first of all, I always have to say this
is not a method like I’m not teaching them. This isn’t the
drew method. It’s not my method. I didn’t invent any
of this. These are just the principles of a cognitive
behavioral approach to anxiety disorders. So there are
parallels between anxiety disorder, recovery, and trauma
resolution, that’s 100% True, a lot of things will look the
same.
If you’re working with a trauma resolution specialist,
some of the things that you would hear would sound a lot
like the things that I talked about, but they’re not
the same. And the issue here is, let’s assume that you do have a
traumatic background and you’ve experienced some traumatic
events in your life. And maybe that that trauma did spawn your
anxiety disorder that can happen. But then what I always
say is that one problem, the trauma has now become two
problems. You have trauma and an anxiety disorder. Right? So you
have to realize that it doesn’t mean that the anxiety disorder
doesn’t count because it’s only the trauma if you had one
problem now you have to That’s okay though, don’t freak out.
You can successfully deal with both of those issues. A lot of
people do, right? A lot of people do that work on both
fronts. But traumatic experiences do not mean that the
anxiety disorder doesn’t count, so some people are under
the assumption that like, well, this all sounds good, but
I have trauma.
So what you’re saying doesn’t apply to me.
Okay, you may have trauma, and I’m very sorry for the things
that you’ve lived through. That’s possible. But in the end,
if you will have learned to be afraid of your heartbeat, or
your breath or you have learned to be afraid of, you
know, depersonalization or jelly legs, and you refuse to go out
of the house, or you are convinced that you have some
sort of health problem, and you will only eat foods as a
result. Maybe some trauma spawned that, but
But knowing about that trauma doesn’t help you become less
afraid of your heartbeat.
Now you’re afraid of multiple
things. So maybe you are having, you know, you’re afraid of the
experience. But now you’re also afraid of yourself. So you
have to do both things. But of them, if two
problems, you can solve them both. So traumatic experience
can be a roadblock 100% to executing the recovery plan that
we’re always talking about here. It’s 100% true if you have
lived experiences that teach you that you are always unsafe, the
world is dangerous, you are weak, you’re not capable, you’re
stupid, and you’re not worthy of being better. trauma can do that
to you. And if you have those beliefs about yourself, because
of your past experiences, that can 100% present a roadblock to
doing the work that I was talking about, have to
acknowledge that and I always will always well never going to
invalidate that.
So in that situation, you’re going to have
to work on that too, right? You’ll have to work on that.
It’s kind of hard. And this is different for everybody, right?
There’s no set answer to this on the other side. So in that
situation, you may find you have to do a little bit of work on
yourself before you can effectively do this recovery
work that I’m talking about.
Some other people find
that their anxiety disorder is so bad, that they’re so wracked
with panic and irrational fear that they can’t do the
trauma work until they put out this fire. So some people have
to do this first and then go back to the past and do that
work. Some people can do it at the same time. It’s individual,
it depends. So there’s no set answer to this. But I can
tell you that you can recover from both trauma and
anxiety.
And the things that I’m writing about which are
geared toward anxiety recovery can be effective while
you do that. It’s just a very individual situation. But please
don’t feel that since you have lived the traumatic background,
you can’t get better. That’s not true. That’s not fair. And I
understand why you might think that but it’s not true. You
can get better. It’s not easy. But there’s hope for you
too, I promise. So last few questions. This is a really
common one I’m accepting, why am I still anxious? So I might
argue that if you are asking why you’re still anxious, then
you’re not accepting. We can’t qualify for our acceptance.
I’m accepting. I’m accepting this, but I also want it gone.
Well, you can’t have both of those things. Think about that
for a second. I know it sounds a little bit glib and a little
silly.
But think about it. There’s truth in there. I’m
accepting this, but I also don’t want to accept it, and I’m not
accepting it. I know you want your anxiety to go away,
but accepting and doing all the things we talked about. It’s not
a recipe for banishing it, right? If that’s why you’re
doing this like you are hoping that if you do the Claire weeks
acceptance or the Dru surrender, or the Josh Fletcher willful
tolerance, if I do this, then it will stop. You’re trying to skip
the part where you have to experience the anxiety and use
it as a classroom.
It’s super important. So if you’re trying
to skip that, and you’re just hoping that okay, I except, wait
a minute, how come it hasn’t gone away? You’re missing the
whole process. And you’re going to wind up disappointed,
frustrated, and do and ask this question I don’t
understand. I’m accepting why isn’t gone away. So
expectations are important. Understanding the concepts of
recovery. Why are you accepting that is that the whole thing? Or is
it just part of it? That’s important, aiming at the right
target is important. So in this situation, I did episode 192 of
the podcast, which is linked in the show notes here, go listen
to that, that will probably help you. And this is related to
question number nine, which is, I’m doing my exposures.
But it’s
not working. This is what you think you’re doing. I’m doing
all the things I’m doing exposures but not working. Why?
And there are a couple of common explanations for this. Number
one would be we’ll ask you a couple of questions. And this is
right at the show notes. Are you trying to do exposures without
being too afraid? Are you trying to do your exposures without
triggering high anxiety or panic? Are you only doing
exposures now and then when you’re forced to or when you’re
having a good day? Are you doing exposures while also using all
of your soothing and coping tools to calm you down if it
gets uncomfortable? These are all red flags as to why exposure
might not be working.
So remember what I said a couple of
questions before the point of exposure are not doing the
task. The point of the exposure is experiencing the fear the
anxiety, the discomfort you want that you need that if you’re
trying to find ways to do your exposure tasks without feeling
that or minimizing it or soothing or calming it or making
it’s easier Don’t do the exposure, there’s no point in it. Because
you’re not, you’re not learning to drive again, you’re learning
how to get better at experiencing anxiety. So this is one of the
main reasons why people will say my exposures aren’t working
well, okay, but you’re not doing exposure, in some
cases, for a common mistake. The other thing would be that you
know, that you’re supposed to experience that experience,
panic, but you are still hanging on to those who escape
behaviors and those rituals.
So some people get close to like
real exposure, I would say real exposure, but most effective
exposure, but they still hang on to like, well, there’s a line
that I just can’t cross with anxiety and panic. And when I
get close to that line, I will break out all of my copings
skills. And I will break out my, safety skills and my make it
go away skills. And that’s the response prevention part. So
we’ve talked about exposure and response prevention, ERP, which
is very commonly used in the OCD community, you hear ERP in that
community all the time, but even for all of the
anxiety disorders. Exposure is always ERP. So doing the things,
you’re doing the things, you’re intentionally triggering this
comfort, and you’re doing that without using your old
responses, your safety responses, and soothing responses, you’re
preventing those responses.
So one of the reasons why
another key reason why exposure might not be working air quotes
for you is first of all, what does working mean? It doesn’t
mean to make it go away. Remember, it means teaching you how to get
better at being anxious. But why do you think it’s not working?
Well, one of the reasons is doing the exposure without doing
the response prevention. I’m out there driving on the highway,
but I’ve got my mints and my cold water and I got my radio
on, I’m calling and I’m talking to my friend or I bring my
husband or my girlfriend with me that that’s one good reason why
it might not be working. Right. So if you go to
anxious truth.com and just search for the word exposure,
you’ll see quite a few podcast episodes where we talked about
this in more detail. And then question 10 Final question for
the day. This is a big one. How do I deal with a setback? So
this is a such question I hear every single day and I the
word setback, I almost want to be stricken from the vocabulary.
Many times when people are in the recovery process, they
feel like they’re doing great because they’re not experiencing
anxiety or panic.
Like they’re feeling good. That’s, that’s
awesome. We want everybody to feel good. I want you to feel
good to write, I want you to have good days. We all want to
have good days. Everybody deserves a good day. So when you
start to string good days together, and you’re feeling
pretty good. And it’s been a while since you had a panic
attack, or it’s been a while since you had those scary
thoughts or it’s been a while since you’ve had an
anxious day and then you have an anxious day or the thoughts come
back or you have a big panic attack one night. A lot of
people will say up, it’s a setback. That’s not a setback.
That’s not a setback, right? If the core principle of
recovery, is to learn that anxiety and panic are not
emergencies, then how is feeling that a setback, it’s no longer
an emergency, you are trying to learn that it’s not an
emergency, we do not declare it a special event.
We don’t
retreat from it. So setback is usually a red flag word and it
indicates that you’re still insisting that the only
successful recovery is one year where you will never feel
anxious or panicky ever again. And if you’re trying to recover
to that degree, where you never you can guarantee that you never
panic or ever have another scary thought in your life.
You’re going to be disappointed and frustrated. So
setback is not feeling things. If you haven’t felt anxious for
two weeks, and then today you feel anxious. Well, your job
today is to move through those feelings and practice being
better at being anxious. That’s not a setback. That’s just life
happening. And that’s an opportunity to get even better.
Like we want it we get to the end of the road to recovery
when we don’t care if we’re anxious or not. And I know that
if you’re in the thick of it right now you are thinking that
is an insane statement.
But that is truly where you are headed
with this. That is when the war is over. So if every time you
experience anxiety, you yell setback and want to know what to do
I do with a setback? You’re kind of missing the point and you’re
not being fair to yourself. Okay, so the only true thing
that I might call setback is setback is also really what
happens when we say up all bets are off and I’m going to return
to my old rituals.
I’m gonna go back to my figuring it out
trying to fight it trying to resist it hiding from it. Going
back to my compulsive. My compulsions, like that, might be
setbacks. Yes, if you start to revert to those old habits, I’ll
call that a setback with you. But how you feel and what you
think is not the setback. But even if you do start to revert
to those old habits as soon as you waive the setback flag and
one piece of advice just remember, oh wait, I have to start doing what I was
doing before. No problem that happens to everybody move
forward again. So if anxiety returns after some time, right
at the show notes here your job is not to wring your hands
and try to figure out why and how to stop it and declare
a disaster.
Your job is to surf through it, move through it
like you presumably did as part of the progress that you said
you had made. So I did do an episode on this early on in 2015
of the podcast, episode 14 talks about the nonlinear nature
of recovery and goes over setbacks. But I know setback is
a thing that we talk about all the time in this community.
Hopefully, this helps. And that is it. Those are our second 10
frequently asked questions about anxiety and anxiety recovery. We
are done with episode 217. If you have not heard to 16 go
ahead and listen, because those are the first 10 questions you
know, we’re done because he told me that music. Anyway, I will
pay you out as usual. Afterglow by Ben Drake, you can
find Ben and his music ed Ben Drake music.com Go check them
out and tell him I said hi, I will ask you a favor. If you’re
listening to the podcast on iTunes on Apple podcasts or
Spotify or some platform that lets you rate and review.
Please
leave a five-star rating and maybe take a second to write a
review because it helps other people find the podcast. If
you’re listening on YouTube. Sorry, there’s no video this
week. But if you’re listening on YouTube, Like the video,
subscribe to the channel, and leave a comment. You know the deal. I
appreciate you guys coming by all the time spending time with
me giving me your attention. Hopefully, I’m able to help you.
I’m doing the best I can. I’m hoping it’s working out for you.
I’ll be back next week. We’re gonna do it again. I don’t know
what I’m gonna be talking about. But I will be here. And as
always remember, this is the way Unknown: this is where your
story begins. You got the feeling that you go yeah, you’re
doing fine. Now in the city, you live fast. No looking back on
the past. Never get another chance.