Category: Anxiety

(suspenseful music) (fly buzzes) (flashlight clicks on) (glass bottle clinks) – Mr Kornfeld. – Leave me alone. – Who makes the best custom sandwich? (music intensifies) – What’s up party people? Welcome back to Candid Competition! We’ve decided to challenge five fast food sandwich chains to find out who makes the best custom sammy. The catch? They don’t know they’re competing. They don’t even know they’re in this video. We’re just gonna roll up to five different sammo spots, ask them to recreate my face using the ingredients of their choice. I’m wondering if you would be able to make an open-faced sandwich, and you would just be making my face. Oh yeah! – Wow! – In the end we will settle once and for all whose footlong is worth putting in your mouth? It’s Candid Competition, I’m amped, you’re amped, everybody’s amped, let’s fuckin’ do this! We’re never getting canceled. (Try Guys intro) – Our competitors today are Subway, Quiznos, Jimmy John’s, Jersey Mike’s, and Walmart. Uh, so Rachel’s on maternity leave so I’m gonna give her a call real quick guys. – Sorry, what video is this for? – Hey Rachel! How’s it goin’? – Good! – Well, I’m calling you ’cause, as you know, the network greenlit a couple more episodes of Candid Competition, so I just wanted to let you know what we were thinking. – Oh dear lord. – So, for this episode we’re going to be doing sandwiches, and so I’m going to be going into the stores and asking them to use ingredients to recreate my face. – No, no, no, no, no. – We’re gonna be doing them open face, that way the face is still intact, we’re calling it the Open Face Face Race. – You need releases. You can’t get people fired. – I know you were worried about us recording last time and getting in trouble so this time we’re gonna do it super secretly. – No, no, no! Just because you record people secretly doesn’t make it okay. – Right, don’t get caught. I went down to the county library and got full blueprints of all of the five locations to find out where are the best vantage points for filming. Sandwich spots tend to have only one entry point and very reflective windows, sandwich places love that. So for today we’re going to have spy gear. (bomb explodes) – All right, so we are back from the spy shop, we got our goodies here. I will be wearing this watch that uh, has a camera on the inside, but is broken. We can’t figure out how the watch works. Um, so this was a waste of $120. We paid $120 for this watch. This is a smiley face button, this has a camera in the eye of the smiley face. Dude, you’re like my key right now. I will be joined by my main man, Miles, who will be wearing this GoPro on his person, concealed in a way to be determined. How can we make this uh, a necklace? – I want it high up. – So you want, like, a choker? – A choker. We’re gonna need to give you a full makeover. – Why do we have to give me a full makeover? – Who wears choke collars? I feel like, like Hot Topic. (bouncy music) – Candid Competition. – So we are on our way to the first location, Subway, home of the eat fresh. Actually I love Subway. – Yeah. – Yeah. So we’re gonna be judging our competitors today on three categories. Taste, artistic expression, and finally, holiday spirit. How much cheer and joy do they put into their work? – What holiday are you- what holiday are you judging them on? – Uh, Candid Competition day. – Oh of course. – Yeah. Alright, I’m ready to eat fresh. Alright, so let’s get the hidden cam going. – Oh yeah that’s good. Now let me roll on my choker. – Oh I’m nervous. – I am rolling on this cam. – Alright let’s get a slate all around. This is Subway slate take 1. (claps) Alright, let’s do it. You look great, there’s nothing to be nervous, oh wait what about my watch? Not working? Okay. Oh boy it’s crowded. Okay, so I’m gonna keep looking as if I’m thinking about what to get. Oh my god, the smell of Subway bread. – It’s so good. – I forgot how good it is, this place smells amazing. – Yeah it’s pretty awesome. – Yeah, we are. How are you doing? – I’m good. I have a weird, unorthodox request for you. We wanted to see if you could make an open-face sandwich. So take bread, open, and use ingredients of your choice to kind of design my face. So basically you can do whatever you want and like this is me, I’m your model. (intense music) Yeah. You’re in? Alright great, that was easy. Yeah we’ll pay for it, for sure. – Do you want it open, or half bread? – Well I think if you do it open faced that’s like your canvas. – Yeah you’re right, but do you want a footlong? I think footlong, let’s go for it. I guess I have a turkey-like complexion. And if you need to reference it at any point, I’m right here. (chuckles) Oh you’re thinking about it, I like this. I am wearing green, I made it easy for you. Okay we got the mayo coming. – A lot of thought into that, I like that. – Are those my drawstrings? – Yeah. – Oh wow, wow. And then I guess I don’t want this wrapped up. So if I could just carry it out. That was amazing, what’s your name? (name bleeped out) – Zach, nice to meet you, thanks so much man. Wow, that was the most delightful experience I have ever had on Candid Competition. I feel like I’m carrying baby Moses. Up next is Quiznos. Quiznos I mostly just think of that fun song where it was the little horrific dog thing singing, “Eat Quiznos suuuubs!” You don’t know the commercial I’m talking about? – No. – You guys know what the fuck I’m talkin’ ’bout? I’m really the only one here that’s cultured? Oh, fuck it’s crowded. Actually I love Jersey Mike’s. It’s like probably my favorite. Jimmy John’s! Can we talk about the decor here? ‘Cause there’s a sign that says, “Bread so French, it must be liberated” It’s really fucking crowded in here, I don’t think they’re gonna do this. Hi how’s it going? How’s it going? – I’m good, how are you? – I’m doing all right. Hi there. I have a kind of weird question/ request for you. I have an unorthodox request for you We want you guys to make a sandwich of my face. Really of me, it can be, you know, my hair, my body, as much of it as you want. And you could choose any ingredients you want to decorate my face. – I can do that – Yeah? – Yeah, no worries. – Yeah, I can try. – All right? Are you able to do that? Yeah? And obviously you’ll just leave it open and then we’ll take it like that. Oh also he told me that he loves your tuna so if you could include tuna on it. – Yeah the tuna here is fantastic. – We have every employee at Jimmy John’s. They’ve all dropped what they’re doing and they’re all working on this. – I love it. – What would you say it like my most defining feature when you see me? What artistically are you drawn to? The eyes? Yeah, they’re the windows to the soul, I get that. Oh I forgot that Quiznos, you toast everything, right? Oh, that’s fun. Okay, we asked, I don’t know if they understood. But they’re making something. He’s using the spatula thing as like a paint brush. That’s what we’re hoping for. It’s difficult to capture my beauty in a sandwich. But if you can do it I’ll be so impressed. It is weird, this is the only custom sandwich place where you don’t see anything until the end. – I do have very meaty eyebrows. I think they’re cutting a tomato in half to be my smile. Which is brilliant. Someone used the tomato as a mouth and they were like no. Which means that they think what Jersey Mike’s did was not up to par. Oh I’m very excited. Whatever I tip is not gonna be enough. You guys are awesome! Is that my stubble? Do you have grilled onions? Did you just grill onions? They’re like molding it and the hair has texture. You’ve got little peppercorns in there. – It’s so cute, it’s so cute. (slow motion) It’s so cute. – Can I say, that we have just been spreading joy today. – People are having a better day because they’re making these sandwiches. – This is the best Candid Competition ever. We’re here in beautiful Burbank California. Why’d we drive a couple miles away? Well there’s only one reason: Walmart. We’ve been in Walmart in the past, we had them during our cake episode. – Did they hang up on you? – They’ve hung up on me so many (bleep) times. They don’t do custom cakes here. We tried to do back to school shopping, they don’t have mannequins. So, I’m excited to see what they’ve got today with sandwiches. Hi, do I take a number or do I just ask you? Do you guys do custom sandwiches? You don’t? – No. So you don’t, if I wanted to do a build your own sandwich there’s no option here? – No. – Okay, sorry to waste your time. Thank you so much. – You’re welcome – Have a good day. This is called the Supreme Sub. If my face ain’t on it, ain’t nothing supreme about it. I feel bad for dropping that, that’s someone’s food. – (distorted) Eliminated, eliminated, eliminated. – They do do cake, are you fucking kidding me? Are you kidding me, are you fucking kidding me? It’s right here, they have a whole book. These are amazing, are you kidding me? Like oh my god, there’s a half pipe. Are you kidding me? They would’ve won the cake episode. They would’ve won, they would’ve won! Are you kidding me! I am flustered. (beeping) I’m getting flashbacks, I think I gotta get out of here man. So cool. – (theme song) Candid Competition. – (gong sounds) Welcome home. We have our four sandwiches from Subway, Quiznos, Jimmy John’s, and Jersey Mike’s. And here to help us adjudicate the sandwiches, please welcome Keith Habersberger. – It smells like a college dorm room and I’m here for it. – Today we will be rating our sandwiches on three categories: artistic expression, taste, and holiday cheer. I don’t think we need to explain those, I think we get it, right? – Yeah, I’m on board. – So first up is Subway. This sandwich was made in record time. – That worries me. – Alright, here we go. I actually kind of forgot what it looked like. – I did too, yeah. – In three, two, one. Boom! (all gasping and laughing) – I got, whoa, that’s amazing! – I love that he decided, “I’m not just gonna make the face, I’m gonna make the bust.” – Is this the hoodie? – Oh yeah that’s the hoodie. – And these are the hoodie strings. – Wow, I like that attention to detail. Did he rip this apart to be more of a nose? – He sure did. So, turkey base, roast beef lips. Which sounds gross, salami eyes with grilled chicken pupils. In fact, this looks like someone who looked at my old Twitter photo, mhm. (camera clicks) Artistic expression, I think he was very clever here. The features are exaggerated in very fun ways. Almost like more of a Picasso. He’s cute, he’s like my son. – I like looking at his face – Right? – He’s very cute. – The more that you stare, the more you’re like, “Yeah, this is amazing!” Every time Ned talks about Wes, I was like, “I don’t get it”, but now, I get it. – Well should we eat the baby? – Okay, three, two, one. (all groan) – Oh god! – That sandwiched good! – That’s so sad. – It’s pretty passable – That’s good. – Yeah. – That’s the best you’ve ever tasted. – Thanks man. – Picnic lunch sandwich. – I’ve always had a soft spot for Subway. Like I don’t think their praises are sung enough. Going back for the second bite. – Oooh! – Yeah. Next up is Quiznos, home of the toast. – Oh do you remember Quiznos had that, “Eat Quiznos suubs – Yes – ’cause they are good to us!” – Yes, that’s why you’re my best friend. None of them know what I’m talking about. – It’s also just terrifying. – They’re called the Spongmonkeys. – And have you heard the original as – (both) “We Love the Moon”. Spongmonkeys. – In three, two. It’s Quiznos Subs! – It just looks like a sandwich. – Yeah. I wanna go ahead and say that Quiznos was very busy and I don’t think they understood what we were asking for, at all. They were totally polite. – Totally polite. – Totally nice, but they just didn’t quite get it. And then they fucking took the sandwich and they closed it right in front of me. – That was heartbreaking. – That was hard. – Really heartbreaking – What is crazy is that our minds look for faces everywhere. So if I stare at this long enough, I can see one. – Yeah I can see it, but it looks more like Garfield the cat. – Look, I know what we’re asking for. It’s crazy, I get it, it’s nuts. But this show is about greatness. And this design ain’t it, chief. – Mmm. – That’s pretty delicious. – It’s fucking good. – It’s pretty fucking good. – It’s fucking good. – I’m gonna say, Quiznos, I love that you toast your sandwiches, but unfortunately this was a miss. – (all laughing) Go! – Next up, Jimmy James. – I love Jimmy John’s. It is probably my favorite sandwich chain. – Do you know, this is gonna be my first JJ experience. – Really? – Yeah. We had about five artists collaborating on this sandwich. It was a full store experience. Actually Miles got to put one of his favorite ingredients on this sandwich. – Now Jimmy John’s is known internationally for their tuna. So I had them use tuna specifically. – In three, two, one. Aw! (all laughing) Oh look at that cutie. (Miles cooing) – This is awful. – You what? What are you talking about? – This just looks like straight vomit. – Okay now that you say that, it’s hard to unsee. – It’s a lot of mustard. – Yeah. – In the center of the sandwich. And why are the eyes, wait what? How hard is it to just put some olives for eyes. – Oh my god what if my eyes were red. – They worked really hard on this. – With the little, like, spatula thing. They were like intricately painting the way that the mustard was assembled on this. – I don’t know why they chose to put mustard around your eyes. – Maybe it was going for like a skin-tone vibe. But if that was the case, why do you have nine mouths. – I think you wanna bite into the middle. – I’m gonna bite right here. Oh god. It’s very creamy. – It’s mostly a cream sandwich. (they all laugh) – With pretty good tuna. – Mm, that tuna. – Why do you want tuna? – Oh you gotta clean your face, I can’t look at you. Next up! Jersey Mike’s. – This is one that really impressed me from start to finish. – So when we got there, the employees were really not sure about this. And they said, “Maybe this one guy can do it, but really you should come back at three, because he’s an artist and we’re not artists.” And we said, “No guys, we believe in you, just try.” By the end, they worked together and made something very memorable. Are you ready for Jersey Zach? In three, two, one. – Whoa. – Oho, yeah! – Wow, wow. Wow, wow, wow, wow. – That’s what Candid Competition is all about. – That is originality. – Wow. – Look at the choices here. We’ve got ears on this bad boy. – Oh yeah, we’ve got ears, tucked into the onion. Eight different ingredients on here. I look so angry, let’s make him a little more sympathetic. – Now there’s Zach right there. The nose even has the center and two nostrils. – He took oregano to mimic the stubble, he started to hand it to us, looked at it, thought, “There’s not enough stubble there.” Pulled it back, more oregano. – So he put down the jalapenos, and then took them off and was like, “I can make the whites of the eyes”. – Wow. – They were laughing, they were having fun. Artistically, 10 out of 10. I’m not even going to pretend that there’s drama here. This is art. – Let’s eat the face. – I don’t want to. – You gotta. – Yeah it’s so pretty. – I think it might not taste as good as it looks. (all sniffing) – Okay. – Very pickle-y. – It’s similar to the Subway experience. It’s like an average sandwich. – I think they make really good sandwiches that have got good quality meat. I’m into this place. (Bell dings) – Now it’s time for us to think back on all the sandwiches that we’ve seen and tasted and decide who is the winner of this week’s episode of Candid Competition. – Let’s not forget that Subway didn’t just make a sandwich, they made a child. And there was Quiznos, who clearly had no idea what the fuck was going on. – And we love their old commercial. – And Jimmy John’s, perfectly cute, not the tastiest, but damn, they had fun doing it. – And great tuna. – And finally, Jersey Mike’s. A store that really doubted themselves from the beginning. But worked hard, came together, and made a monster. In the end, there can only be one winner. Gentlemen, I think we’re in agreement. And the winner of the Candid Competition, Open Face Sandwich Face Race is. (all pound on table for drum roll) – You didn’t go with Open Face-off? – That’s better. – At the end of the day, it’s not about the sammo chains, but the people who work there. – How’s it going? I don’t know if you remember me, I came in a couple of weeks ago and I did that face sandwich? – Sandwich designers looking to give you a mouthful of meat wrapped in love. – I just wanted to come in and say that you guys did the best of anyone that we went to. So you guys, you won our competition. (Employees cheering) – I believe, we’re all artists on the inside, sometimes, we just need a little push. (uplifting music) Well, way to fucking go Jersey Mike’s. You guys crushed it. Wow. And at the end of the summer, the world hadn’t changed. I had changed. – (all) Surprise! – You guys, what is this? – Congratulations Zach, the network has decided to greenlight, a full season of Candid Competition! (all cheering) (watch beeps) (suspenseful music) (Try Guys theme song) – Why am I the one being goth? Why couldn’t you be goth again. – Because, I’m too notable. – Okay. – Finish the sentence: When I was a young man, my father took me to the city – to see the marching band. – You’re ready. . 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