10 Signs of Narcissistic Victim Syndrome

 (soft instrumental music) – [Amanda] Hey Psych2Go family, and welcome back. If you’re new to this channel and by the end of the video you enjoy our content, do consider subscribing and joining the Psych2Go fam. Now, let’s begin. Narcissistic victim syndrome is a term that collectively describes specific and often severe side effects of narcissistic abuse. Many experts acknowledge narcissistic abuse can have a serious long-lasting impact on emotional health, although it is not recognized as a mental health condition. As a result of chronic abuse, victims may struggle with symptoms of PTSD or complex PTSD. If they had additional trauma such as being abused by narcissistic parents. (beeping) (upbeat music) With that in mind, here are 10 signs that might suggest you have narcissistic victim syndrome. Number one, you felt like you had a perfect relationship with that person in the beginning. When you’re in a romantic relationship, this type of abuse usually begins slowly and it creeps up on you after you fallen hard and are in love with your partner. In the early stages of the relationship, this is when the love bombing usually occurs. They may shower you with gifts and affections and it can feel very intense. Then slowly, manipulative tactics start to invade the relationship and will replace the love bombing. In the case of narcissistic parents, they might also offer love, adoration, praise, and financial support, until you do something to displease them and lose their favor. They use tactics such as gaslighting and silent treatment which can leave you questioning your own sanity. And this is something that sticks with you even after you’ve cut ties with that person. Number two, you feel like you’re walking on eggshells. A common symptom of trauma is avoiding anything that might make you relive that particular trauma. Whether it be people, or places, or activities that pose the threat to you, you may feel like you’re constantly worrying and being careful about what you say or do around people because that is how you used to behave when you were around your abuser. You may present as anxious and introverted, especially when in the presence of other people, though you’re simply acting out of extreme fear. Number three, you may have experienced smear campaigns once the relationship ended. When breakups happen, it’s common for people to take sides. This is no different when it comes to a narcissistic abuser. They will twist your words and tell their version of the story to others to try and get them to feel sorry for them. They can often drum up support from your loved ones by insisting that they only have the best interest at heart. Then when you try to talk about the abuse that happened, your loved ones might side with the abuser over you. This can drop barriers between you and the people in your support network and leave you feeling isolated. Number four, you feel isolated and vulnerable. When no one will listen to you or your concerns, this can leave you feeling very much alone. When you feel alone, you’re vulnerable to further manipulation from your abuser. They may pull you back in with fake apologies, a hand of kindness, or by brushing their past abuse under the rock. This tactic, which is called hovering, is the perfect time to pounce when you’re lacking in support since you are more likely to doubt your perceptions of the abuse when you can’t talk to anyone about it. Number five, you’ve developed a pervasive sense of mistrust. Are you hypervigilant? Do you worry and get anxious over other people’s intentions? The gaslighting techniques used by the narcissistic abuser may have contributed to how you view the world. And you may find that you have a hard time trusting anyone, including yourself. Number six, you may engage in self-sabotaging and self-destructive behavior. Victims often find themselves ruminating over the abuse. This can enhance the frequency of negative self-talk and the tendency towards self-sabotage. Malignant narcissists will try and program you, conditioning you for self-destruction. This could potentially lead you to engaging in risky behaviors such as self-harm or even suicidal ideation. You might’ve developed a knack for punishing yourself because of the toxic shame you carry, put there by the hypercriticism and verbal abuse of your abuser. If you feel like you’re lacking in any motivation to pursue your dreams and goals, then this could be a result of narcissistic abuse. Number seven, you may experience unexplained physical symptoms. Narcissistic abuse can trigger anxious and nervous feelings that can trigger physical symptoms. The stress of chronic abuse may send your stress levels into overdrive. And as a result, your immune system may take a severe hit leaving you vulnerable to physical ailments and disease. You may notice symptoms such as appetite changes, nausea, stomach pain, muscle aches and pains, insomnia, and fatigue. Number eight, you may have issues setting boundaries. The experience of narcissistic abuse can often leave you with little respect for boundaries. This may be because when you tried to set boundaries in the past, you may have been met with challenges from the abuser who gave you the silent treatment until you did what they wanted. Once you end the relationship or gain distance from a narcissistic parent, you promise yourself that you won’t answer their calls or physically see them at all. However, even if you’ve tried to cut ties, your abuser is confident that they will eventually wear you down because you’ve set aside your boundaries with them so many times before. If you’ve experienced narcissistic abuse, you might also have trouble setting healthy boundaries in your relationships with others in the future. Nine, you may be questioning your own identity. When facing abuse, many people adjust their self-identity to accommodate an abusive partner. You may have stopped doing things you enjoy or spending time with friends and family in order to better appease your abuser. These changes can often lead to a loss of identity during and after the abuse. It’s not uncommon for victims of narcissistic abuse to experience dissociation and attachment from the physical world. Dr. van der Kolk writes in his book titled, “The Body Keeps The Score”: Dissociation is the essence of trauma. The overwhelming experience is split off and fragmented so that the emotions, sounds, images, thoughts, and physical sensations take on a life of their own. Oof! Number 10, you may find it hard to make decisions. When there has been a negative pattern of devaluation and criticism in your life, you might have very little self-esteem and confidence in yourself. Narcissistic abusers can make statements that imply that you are unable to make good decisions. Abusive partners may have called you’re stupid, or ignorant, or they might’ve insulted you with a false and affectionate tone. They can manipulate you into believing you imagine parts of reality making it seem less important than it actually is. This type of controlling and deceitfulness can affect the way you make future decisions. So, did you relate to any of the signs? Let us know in the comments below. I wanted to take a second to say that I definitely… Um, sorry. Hi, it’s Amanda, the voiceover voice. I’m reading the script for the first time and I really related to it. So I wanted to add a point that, in you taking the time to learn about narcissistic victim syndrome, you’re empowering yourself. Once you know you can grow. Acknowledging the effects of being in a narcissistic relationship is the first step to healing from one. As we close out, we wanted to say that not all abuse is linked to narcissism, and not all people with a diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder will engage in abusive behavior. However, if you feel you might be a victim of this type of abuse, we encourage you to reach out for help. Talk to someone you can trust, like a good friend, a family member, or a therapist. It’s not easy to leave an abusive relationship, but with the right support, you can move on with your life and start to heal from your past hurts. 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