Category: Anxiety

http://twitter.com/#!/rickklein/status/243551486867554304

Aw, bless his precious heart. Looks like ABC’s Rick Klein spent the summer sneaking clove cigarettes at creative writing sleep-away camp with the other aspiring teen poets. Courtney Stodden’s got nothing on “real journalist” e.e. klein.

Can the Junior School Poetry Enthusiasts finally retire the cliched "the hall, the speech, the crowd, one" gambit?

— iLoveScienceSexually (@AceofSpadesHQ) September 6, 2012

And if you're going to do it, realize 1, it's been done a thousand times before, 2, it sounds silly and precious, so 3, PUT SOME WORK IN IT

— iLoveScienceSexually (@AceofSpadesHQ) September 6, 2012

The Twitterverse stepped up to offer the Bard of A-BC-von some constructive criticism of his poetic leg tingle for Bill Clinton.

Yoko Ono hacked ur account, dude. RT @rickklein this speech was a living, breathing organism. the crowd, the hall, the speech, one. #DNC2012

— jon gabriel (@exjon) September 6, 2012

Anyone else need a cigarette? MT @rickklein: this speech was a living, breathing organism. the crowd, the hall, the speech, one.

— Tammy Bruce (@HeyTammyBruce) September 6, 2012

And journalism died…RT @rickklein this speech was a living, breathing organism. the crowd, the hall, the speech, one. #DNC2012

— This Will Kill You (@stephenkruiser) September 6, 2012

Someone actually wrote this ==>> RT @rickklein: this speech was a living, breathing organism. the crowd, the hall, the speech, one. #DNC2012

— Kurt Schlichter (@KurtSchlichter) September 6, 2012

#50ShadesOfBillClinton RT @rickklein: this speech was a living, breathing organism. the crowd, the hall, the speech, one. #DNC2012

— Marta Evry (@venice4change) September 6, 2012

https://twitter.com/RileyRebel129/status/243591438204555264

#ClintonPickUpLines RT @rickklein: this speech was a living, breathing organism. the crowd, the hall, the speech, one. #DNC2012

— Cuffé (@CuffyMeh) September 6, 2012

Blogger Ace of Spades generously offered his services as a creative writing coach to the starry-eyed lapdog, complete with hilarious examples of Rick Kleinery. The brutal mockery was a living, breathing organism.

The media knocks Eastwood but is full of crap like "this speech was a living, breathing organism. the crowd, the hall, the speech, one."

— iLoveScienceSexually (@AceofSpadesHQ) September 6, 2012

It was a dark and stormy night. Bill Clinton took the podium. The hall became an organism, breathing, sensing, knowing as one.

— iLoveScienceSexually (@AceofSpadesHQ) September 6, 2012

A shot rang out. The maid screamed. The undifferentiated protoplasm of the DNC extended one tentative pseudopod out to the world.

— iLoveScienceSexually (@AceofSpadesHQ) September 6, 2012

RAF Major @rickklein observed the shimmering, quavering jelly of the DNC with one eyebrow arched. "By Jove, this thing pulses with life!"

— iLoveScienceSexually (@AceofSpadesHQ) September 6, 2012

Meanwhile, in Scandenavia, a dreamy-eyed scut-girl sensed a new life aborning across the salty ocean.

— iLoveScienceSexually (@AceofSpadesHQ) September 6, 2012

scut-girl? What the hell is that? What am I thinking? Scullery wench or something I guess.

— iLoveScienceSexually (@AceofSpadesHQ) September 6, 2012

The scut-girl, a bonny lass named Agmar Akennokker, wistfully thought of her absent husband, a strapping young gimp by the name of Knarl.

— iLoveScienceSexually (@AceofSpadesHQ) September 6, 2012

Meanwhile, RAF Major @rickklein alerted the National Center For Detection & Study of Living, Breathing Organisms, One.

— iLoveScienceSexually (@AceofSpadesHQ) September 6, 2012

A horse whinnied. A meteor shined. Various parts from the end of "Knights in White Satin" occurred around now.

— iLoveScienceSexually (@AceofSpadesHQ) September 6, 2012

The crowd thrilled. Then each member of it began extending polyps of nervous tissue into each other's brains, becoming one with The Speech.

— iLoveScienceSexually (@AceofSpadesHQ) September 6, 2012

Meanwhile, in Scandenavia, Agmar thought wistfully of her handsome, gog-eyed pinhead Knarl.

— iLoveScienceSexually (@AceofSpadesHQ) September 6, 2012

She thought of how she could stare into his confident, reassuring wall-eye forever.

— iLoveScienceSexually (@AceofSpadesHQ) September 6, 2012

Meanwhile, the polyps of spongiform brain-matter thickened and throbbed with rising anticipation. Would Clinton defend ObamaCare…?

— iLoveScienceSexually (@AceofSpadesHQ) September 6, 2012

The viscous strands of NuFlesh that now connected each delegate to one another began to undulate and thrum. A mighty Gloppening was at hand.

— iLoveScienceSexually (@AceofSpadesHQ) September 6, 2012

Suddenly, a pirate ship appeared on the horizon! Agmar hoped her handsome husband, the ruggedly mutated Knarl, was safe at the helm.

— iLoveScienceSexually (@AceofSpadesHQ) September 6, 2012

The convention became a hot mass of pulsating hyperfecundity, sprouting a torrent of neoplasms in a riot of shapes and dimensionalities.

— iLoveScienceSexually (@AceofSpadesHQ) September 6, 2012

Agmar cast her gaze to the ship's deck– beautiful Knarl, with one arm so strong and hale, the other shaped like a bowling pin, was absent.

— iLoveScienceSexually (@AceofSpadesHQ) September 6, 2012

Bill Clinton stood at the podium, proud. Unbowed. Defiant. Squamous.

— iLoveScienceSexually (@AceofSpadesHQ) September 6, 2012

Look out Reader’s Digest poets. Ace of Spades is unbowed. Defiant. Squamous. We may have just experienced a Gloppening.

Read more: http://twitchy.com/2012/09/06/lapdog-poetry-rick-klein-gushes-over-bill-clinton-with-junior-high-worthy-verse/

http://twitter.com/#!/nayyyyeeee_/status/394489026008195072

Chris Brown and his bodyguard were arrested this morning in Washington DC and charged with felony assault, according to the Washington Metropolitan Police Department.

In response, dozens of Twitter users called for the R&B singer to be released from jail. Some may have been kidding, while others appeared to be completely serious:

http://twitter.com/#!/SiarraMarie_x/status/394488761251147777 http://twitter.com/#!/ItsSmokeBitch/status/394487573466185728 http://twitter.com/#!/__badassxo/status/394484461662109696 http://twitter.com/#!/ShecreoleDawg/status/394484312889761792 http://twitter.com/#!/eyeshaa_/status/394483470187393024 http://twitter.com/#!/zel_xoxo/status/394480002638422016 http://twitter.com/#!/HeyTenenbaum/status/394474545152675840 http://twitter.com/#!/YUNGWAVYBONE/status/394471703310381058 http://twitter.com/#!/omgitsZiZi/status/394471312766169088 http://twitter.com/#!/Courtneey_Leigh/status/394463791070461952

My babe is locked up…. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Free Chris Brown— iFollow Back Fast (@YouWill_LoveMe) October 27, 2013

http://twitter.com/#!/Tyraaaaa_/status/394477897467330560 http://twitter.com/#!/Tyraaaaa_/status/394478321092001792

Why, he’s practically a modern-day Nelson Mandela!

And props to this dude, who tweeted “free Chris Brown” five days ago:

http://twitter.com/#!/WhatYouNeed____/status/392647814699683840

Way to get ahead of the crowd!

Read more: http://twitchy.com/2013/10/27/tweeters-call-for-chris-brown-to-be-freed-after-singer-jailed-on-felony-assault-charge/

http://twitter.com/#!/rupertmurdoch/status/260130450272567296

Murdoch is referencing a CBS News report indicating that the U.S. had an unmanned Predator drone over its consulate during the Sep. 11, 2012,  attack in Bengahzi, Libya, that killed four Americans:

“They stood, and they watched, and our people died,” former CIA commander Gary Berntsen told CBS News.

The network reported that the drone and other reconnaissance aircraft observed the final hours of the hours-long siege on Sept. 11 — obtaining information that should have spurred swift action.

But as Ambassador Christopher Stevens and three colleagues were killed by terrorists armed with AK-47s and rocket-propelled grenade launchers, Defense Department officials were too slow to send in the troops, Berntsen said.

…

Fighter jets and Specter AC-130 gunships — which could have been used to help disperse the bloodthirsty mob — were also stationed at three nearby bases, sources told the network.

Read more: http://twitchy.com/2012/10/21/rupert-murdoch-when-will-obama-come-clean-about-benghazi/