Category: Anxiety

Morse Code Vs. Typewriter: Which Angry Verizon Net Neutrality Rant Wins?

The telecommunications giant is not happy about today’s FCC vote approving strict new regulations on internet providers. But the result is a couple of amusing press releases.

View this image ›

Paul J. Richards / Getty Images

2. Verizon is not happy about today’s FCC vote to treat broadband internet as a public utility, just like telephone lines.


In response, Verizon argued that the rules being applied were outdated relics from a previous communications era and would regulate the internet like the early telephone networks of the 1930s.

3. After today’s vote, Verizon put out two official replies: one in morse code and one using a type writer font and dated “1934” instead of “2015.” The Communiations Act, which gives the FCC the authority to reclassify broadband, was written in 1934.

4. First, the morse code.

First, the morse code.

View this image ›

Verizon / Via publicpolicy.verizon.com

6. And the old-timey typewriter.

And the old-timey typewriter.

View this image ›

Verizon / Via publicpolicy.verizon.com

7. Is this a cringeworthy attempt reduce a crucial public policy debate down to gimmicky press releases? Sure. But it’s also reflective of a fight where one of the deadliest weapons was a viral video.


John Oliver’s net neutrality bit led to so many comments that the FCC’s commenting system broke down.

youtube.com

9. And net neutrality supporter Keith Ellison, a Democratic congressman, contributed a vine of him singing and dancing in celebration. (Twitter, which owns Vine, supports the net neutrality rules).

vine.co

11. And as pointed out here, this fight marks the rise of the internet as a mainstream political issue. So, in the spirit of the battle, we ask:

  1. Which of Verizon’s gimmicky responses worked best?
    1. Via publicpolicy.verizon.com
      Morse Code
    2. Old-Timey Typewriter

Morse Code Vs. Typewriter: Which Angry Verizon Net Neutrality Rant Wins?

SHARE YOUR VOTE!

VIEW RESULTS GO BACK AND VOTE

Read more: http://www.buzzfeed.com/matthewzeitlin/verizon-morse-code

Schadenfreudelicious! Are these the worst jobs in the Obama admin?

http://twitter.com/#!/amylutz4/status/393076275759177728

It couldn’t happen to better people!

Twitter users have been noticing that press secretary Clown Carney’s job is absolutely horrendous for a while now.

http://twitter.com/#!/andyorsow/status/393076794254839808 http://twitter.com/#!/SteveCrawford5/status/384418212886372353 http://twitter.com/#!/carrjar/status/393137247127482368 http://twitter.com/#!/studentoflife/status/392800261074194432

But does he? White House Obamacare flack Tara McGuinness is in the running!

http://twitter.com/#!/Andrew_Dad/status/392491952442068993 http://twitter.com/#!/anthropocon/status/393155072135536640 http://twitter.com/#!/Cameron_Gray/status/391571856584474624

Heh. You’re welcome.

There is little sympathy for the lying pair, however. Soul-crushing jobs for flacks and hacks? Schadenfreudelicious!

http://twitter.com/#!/Kevinbsnyder/status/392719847580499968 http://twitter.com/#!/goglobalfood/status/391900532572311553 http://twitter.com/#!/okiephilosopher/status/393185473700429824

And some exit advice for Ms. McGuinness.

http://twitter.com/#!/ExJon/status/393126928036556800

Snickering madly.

Related:

Full Twitchy coverage of Clown Jay Carney

WH flack @HealthCareTara brings the funny: ‘Don’t believe everything you read on Twitter’

Shameless! Check out what WH O-Care fake story pusher had unmitigated gall to do

Unreal: White House Obamacare cheerleader rah-rahs yet another false story

Pathetic: White House pimps another Obamacare success story that wasn’t successful

Barry and the Hendersons: Obama flacks dutifully retweeted Obamacare poster boy’s lies

WH flack @HealthCareTara pushes MMFA spin; Crickets when citizens tell her ‘my plan was canceled’

Pitiful: ‘Choke on this, peasants!’ WH Obamacare flack retweets Oliver Willis GOP-slam

Ha! Secret identity of @HealthCareTara, White House Obamacare flack, revealed?

Read more: http://twitchy.com/2013/10/24/schadenfreudelicious-are-these-the-worst-jobs-in-the-obama-admin-good/

Left today claims Romney caused meningitis outbreak. In addition, the rheumatiz

http://twitter.com/#!/Rschrim/status/263618544497995778

Oh, my. The desperation, it scorches. In addition, the unwell derangement: Romney Derangement Syndrome is in full force and impact. Today he doesn’t simply kill wives with cancer tumors, he also triggers meningitis outbreaks. Alan Colmes helped push-out this newest cuckoo jeans tale.

You hit an all time reasonable! MT @alancolmes Salon: Lax Regulation By Romney May Have Led To Meningitis Outbreak colm.es/V8YpXZ

— Red Eye Pit Crew (@RedEyeAlerts) October 31, 2012

Sick.

Yep, only when you thought they couldn’t sink any reduced, right here they’re going again! Conservatives call all of them out.

That meningitis outbreak? Yep, Mitt Romney’s fault. salon.com/2012/10/30/rom…

— Razor (@hale_razor) October 31, 2012

So now, based on the left, Mitt Romney causes meningitis as well as disease. salon.com/2012/10/30/rom…

— Paul Wilson (@PaulWilson34) October 31, 2012

Mitt Romney causes cancer AND meningitis salon.com/2012/10/30/rom… via @salon

— Philip Faulkner (@PhilipFaulkner) October 31, 2012

@seanhannity Very first Romney is a murderer & an income tax cheat, today he’s accountable for the meningitis outbreak?! Unreal…. salon.com/2012/10/30/rom…

— Sean Parnell(@SeanParnellUSA) October 31, 2012

We are convinced he additionally caused the rheumatiz and smallpox. All while twirling their old-timey villain mustache, which, unlike creepy David Axelrod, he won’t wager. Oh, the horror! It’s really perplexing, since we believed George W. Bush was the cause of all bad things previously, in perpetuity.

Across the flex the are. Wow. MT “@hale_razor: That meningitis outbreak? Yep, Mitt Romney’s fault. salon.com/2012/10/30/rom…”

— Minimal Miss Rightie (@LilMissRightie) October 31, 2012

Completely round the fold and totally unhinged. Gee, we question the reason why?

OMG its already started! Congrats President ROMNEY!!! “@hale_razor: That meningitis outbreak? Yep, Mitt Romney’s fault. salon.com/2012/10/30/rom…“

— American (@leghouston) October 31, 2012

Zing! Working scared, they’ve been. They will certainly sink lower and lower due to the fact Derangement Syndrome develops.

Read more: http://twitchy.com/2012/10/31/hysterical-left-now-claims-romney-caused-meningitis-outbreak-also-the-rheumatiz/