Read more: http://ifunny.com/pictures/i-put-my-new-tv-box-my-neighbors/
Author: Leaman Ralph
Really sugar is shaky because it originates from a straight stick see the play is Granny yes Grandma plus new style luv MaryJane so listen (Granny Apple last years blue ribbon production winner AKA) I, I, I ain't on the right side of my house Jane something or the other is in my room: finally after an extermination Grannie speaks once more "let my (old man) Pacman step on it". See it is home on the range so solo as it be truity speaks got a problem it is your own. But alter scenario: Z/n time; narcotics I got that candy s.p.ee..d360 Bar itch its' and Mickey Mouse for the Sultan 7 1 4er well a hem a hem, it went early in the morning like a smack chanting sugar structure 7 -one 1 +eleven and 4 do an ate 'er 8 eight 'er? Well that aint nice. NARCO says do you know them numbers change (response) Yes it is a FiX they are MF's Ope yeah Ope Douglas is it.
Surrounded by Alkaloid is both Mary and Grandma in an never ending circle of membership. French mandates declare put up their dukes... ZEN Pepsi can talk half Chocolate and your ole man Pacman down in Cuba posing as the worlds one and only Coffee Wizard "back 1:1" tis Coffee time... ||
Need A Halloween Costume? Try These Pun-Tastic Costume Ideas.
Right about now, most people are freaking out about what costume to wear for Halloween. Some of you already have your costumes planned out, and kudos to you. The rest of us are completely clueless. Being clever is harder than you think. If you haven’t found your costume yet, check out these costumes that are easy, hilarious, and pun-tastic.
1.) Snakes on a Plane
2.) Child Predator
3.) Peter Pan
4.) A Ceiling Fan
5.) Hawaiian Punch
6.) Radiohead
7.) Heisen-burger
8.) Disney On Ice
9.) Pot Head
10.) Dunkin Donuts
11.) Iron Man
12.) Han Solo Cup
13.) Tie Fighters
14.) Deviled Eggs
15.) Ginger Bread Man
16.) Cereal Killer
17.) Iron Chef
18.) Bat Man
19.) French Kiss
I hope these helped in your hunt for a Halloween costume. If not, I hope you drum up enough creativity to make it through the next couple of weeks.
Read more: http://viralnova.com/pun-costumes/
“Harry Potter” Star Matthew Lewis Wants To Do A Neville Longbottom Spin-Off
Lewis told Radio Times he’d “jump at the chance” to bring Neville back.
1. Matthew Lewis is currently defusing bombs in BBC Three’s new show Bluestone 42.
BBC
2. But the Harry Potter heartthrob told Radio Times that if he’d got the call, he’d love to play Neville Longbottom in his very own film series.
3. Lewis shared with Radio Times:
If it came to it that I was offered that sort of deal — I want to say I’d consider it — but I’d probably jump at the chance, absolutely. I’m not itching, just yet, but I’d absolutely, definitely consider it, and love to be considered for it.
4. Lewis went on to say that he had bumped into Emma Watson recently, and chatting to his co-star made him realise how much he missed Harry Potter.
Warner Bros.
5. Neville is definitely the most underrated character — he’s incredibly humble, loyal, and arguably the bravest of them all. Remember when Ron said this?
Warner Bros.
7. And remember, there is every possibility that Neville is The Chosen One, not Harry. Here’s Dumbledore explaining the prophecy in The Order of the Phoenix:
‘The odd thing is, Harry,’ he said softly, ‘that it may not have meant you at all. Sybil’s prophecy could have applied to two wizard boys, born at the end of July that year, both of whom had parents in the Order of the Phoenix, both sets of parents having narrowly escaped Voldemort three times. One, of course was you. The other was Neville Longbottom.
8. BOOM, there you have it: Neville Longbottom, The Other Chosen One. Spin-off, here we come.
Warner Bros.
-
- YES YES YES YES YES YES YES
- Stand down, Neville.
“Harry Potter” Star Matthew Lewis Wants To Do A Neville Longbottom Spin-Off
SHARE YOUR VOTE!
Read more: http://www.buzzfeed.com/maggyvaneijk/longbottom-for-life
For your own safety…
Read more: https://imgflip.com/i/akhqz
BM Employees
Read more: https://imgflip.com/i/c1l88
Had a rough day, but this made it all good.
Read more: https://imgflip.com/i/aphlr
Scumbag Ken Levine
Read more: https://imgflip.com/i/705zd
29 Signs You’re No Longer A Rookie Parent
Been there, done that.
1. Your baby bag no longer looks like the Goodyear blimp.
And now you actually remember to pack diapers!
2. When you choose to stay up late it’s with the full knowledge that you’ll be a zombie the next day.
AMC
But hey, sometimes your mental health requires a little binge watching of TV shows without talking animals.
3. You no longer poke your sleeping baby to see if they’re breathing.
Flickr: donnieray / Via Creative Commons
That doesn’t mean you don’t lean in REAL close and listen.
4. You no longer freak out when your kid falls down.
Fox
You’re like, “You’re okay.” (sips coffee)
5. You turn your phone on guided access before you let your kids play with it.
Flickr: quinnanya / Via Creative Commons
RIP deleted apps.
6. You no longer have a “Level 10” breakdown when you have to cut your baby’s nails.
WB
Now it’s like level 6 or 7… because that shit’s still nervewracking.
7. You started a profile for your kid on Netflix.
This way Netflix can suggest My Little Pony to your kid, and Jennifer Lawrence movies to you.
8. When your kid asks to go into a toy store “Only to look,” you just laugh.
Lol, kid.
9. You’ve developed “Spidey sense” for when your kids are getting into trouble.
Things are quiet. Too quiet.
10. You don’t get embarrassed easily anymore.
ABC
“What’s that? I’m wearing sweatpants in public with spit-up on them? So I am.”
11. You don’t tell your kid about plans until right before they happen.
Digital Vision / Via ThinkStock
This way you avoid nuclear meltdowns caused by statements like, “I know I said we were going to Frozen On Ice, but I’m afraid it’s sold out.”
12. You know better than to leave a drink within arm’s reach of your little one.
Stephen VanHorn / Via shutterstock.com
They’ve got Go Go Gadget arms, these kids.
14. You wipe snot off your kid’s nose without a second thought, and have probably even used the Nose Frida.
Literally sucking the snot out of your kid’s nose? That ain’t no rookie move.
15. Changing a diaper — even a nasty one — is NBD.
Now you can get up in the middle of a meal, change the rankest of diapers, then sit back down and keep eating without missing a beat.
16. When it comes to kid’s clothes, you value functionality (not to mention affordability) over all else.
Flickr: sydneytreasuresphotography / Via Creative Commons
A $70 kid’s shirt that is hand wash only? No thanks, Gwyneth.
17. You don’t get poached on doll clothes either.
You know the “American Girl” knock-off clothes at Target are super cute and your kid can’t tell the difference. (Yet another reason to love Target.)
18. You don’t like to brag, but when it comes to peekaboo you’re basically a rock star.
ABC Family
Do babies laugh when you play peekaboo? Does the earth circle the sun?
19. You know all of the children’s characters by their name.
You even know “Doc” McStuffins’ first name is “Dottie.”
20. You’re an expert on children’s books, too, and know which ones to suggest when you don’t have much time.
Harper Collins
When your show starts in five minutes: “We’re reading Goodnight Moon!”
21. Speaking of books, your funny voices are on point.
You even crack yourself up, TBH.
22. You can brush someone else’s teeth just as well as your own.
Fox
It doesn’t even matter if your kid is squirming like a toad.
25. Your arms are shockingly strong.
Fox
Your “guns” may not look like a bodybuilder’s, but over the course of a day you lift way more pounds (in kids) than they do.
26. You can sleep in any position.
Flickr: mliu92 / Via Creative Commons
You can even sleep with a toddler foot in your face.
27. When your kids say they don’t like the dinner you made it’s no longer the gut punch it used to be.
NBC
28. Other parents have started to ask YOU for advice.
New Line Cinema
At first you were like, “You don’t want to ask me,” but then you realized you know your stuff.
29. Lastly, you have more confidence as a parent than you ever dreamed possible.
Disney
You’ve got this.
Read more: http://www.buzzfeed.com/mikespohr/29-signs-youre-no-longer-a-rookie-parent
fake faint
Read more: https://imgflip.com/gif/aqcct
Megachurch pastor Creflo Dollar arrested for allegedly beating daughter, fans say she probably deserved it
http://twitter.com/#!/cthagod/status/211155955906387970
Creflo Dollar is a pastor living a lavish lifestyle the majority in his profession can only dream about. Private jets, fancy cars, luxurious homes, etc. As founder of the World Changers Church International, no one can argue he’s done quite well for himself. He’s been investigated numerous times, and the Senate has even asked for detailed accounting statements, but up to this moment, he remained untouchable.
That status changed when he was arrested on battery charges in Fayette County.
BREAKING: Megachurch pastor Creflo Dollar arrested on battery charges. Live update on Ch 2 Action News at Noon: http://t.co/teak9xK7
— WSB-TV (@wsbtv) June 8, 2012
PASTOR DID WHAT?! Megachurch Leader Creflo Dollar ARRESTED For Allegedly CHOKING & PUNCHING 15-Year-Old DAUGHTER! http://t.co/ZgM8nz0S
— YBF CHIC (@TheYBF) June 8, 2012
Megachurch pastor who preaches "prosperity theology" also, it turns out, punches his 15 year old daughter. http://t.co/YGCBmU3t
— David Roberts (@drgrist) June 8, 2012
The Associated Press reports that the megachurch pastor was picked up in the early hours of the morning after police responded to a call of domestic violence.
The 50-year old pastor and father was arguing with his daughter about whether or not she was allowed to attend a party, which lead to a physical altercation. Dollar’s daughter was said to have had “superficial injuries.”
This is definitely the kind of event that can change your mind about someone, especially a person of suggested grounded morals like Dollar has stated he is.
SMH at Creflo Dollar you ain't got to choke the girl to get to listen…..
— Jasmine Denee' (@JasmineDenee) June 8, 2012
Creflo Dollar and Chris Brown in the same anger management class, while Rihanna and Creflo Dollar's daughter see the same shrink.
— Ris. ღ (@LaRisaNyChell) June 8, 2012
Creflo Dollar choked his 15 year old daughter. His tv sermon won't be on anymore.
— Chris™ (@_chrismaldonado) June 8, 2012
Creflo Dollar has seen his fair share of support, however. There have been plenty of folks on Twitter who, while not even knowing the details of the alleged charges, have suggested his daughter deserved what she got.
https://twitter.com/_krystinPIMPIN/status/211162752226570240
I'm praying for pastors & Creflo Dollar…we from the old school remember those kind of whippings…it's a new day & kids git cell phones 🙂
— Trina B. Bowers (@Puritybowers3) June 8, 2012
If it was around 1 am Creflo Dollar's daughter needed to have her 15 yr old ass in tha house anyway
— Rob Smith (@smitteaux) June 8, 2012
@tinaseals @edeweysmith And when you try to discipline them later, they call 911 on you like Creflo Dollar's daughter…smh
— Robert Charles Scott (@drrcscott1911) June 8, 2012
Mothers let us be in prayer for Creflo Dollar and his family!! Pray, Pray, Pray!!!!!! Disciplining children in… http://t.co/IuoDctjN
— Sophie (@sellis80) June 8, 2012
https://twitter.com/MissBookall/status/211165707679965184
Cant even whoop kids these days. *Smh!* RT @BIGNOBE06: #WGCL Megachurch pastor Creflo Dollar arrested http://t.co/3phtdONo #freecreflodollar
— CJ {Corey.Joshua} (@TheInsid_her) June 8, 2012
Creflo Dollar has since been released on bail, and whatever happened, he believes that what he did was a righteous act:
Once you believe that you are righteous, you will begin do what is righteous. –Creflo Dollar #CaseDismissed
— Creflo Dollar (@Creflo_Dollar) June 8, 2012