29 Signs You’re No Longer A Rookie Parent

Been there, done that.

1. Your baby bag no longer looks like the Goodyear blimp.

And now you actually remember to pack diapers!

2. When you choose to stay up late it’s with the full knowledge that you’ll be a zombie the next day.

AMC

But hey, sometimes your mental health requires a little binge watching of TV shows without talking animals.

3. You no longer poke your sleeping baby to see if they’re breathing.

Flickr: donnieray / Via Creative Commons

That doesn’t mean you don’t lean in REAL close and listen.

4. You no longer freak out when your kid falls down.

Fox

You’re like, “You’re okay.” (sips coffee)

5. You turn your phone on guided access before you let your kids play with it.

Flickr: quinnanya / Via Creative Commons

RIP deleted apps.

6. You no longer have a “Level 10” breakdown when you have to cut your baby’s nails.

WB

Now it’s like level 6 or 7… because that shit’s still nervewracking.

7. You started a profile for your kid on Netflix.

This way Netflix can suggest My Little Pony to your kid, and Jennifer Lawrence movies to you.

8. When your kid asks to go into a toy store “Only to look,” you just laugh.

Lol, kid.

9. You’ve developed “Spidey sense” for when your kids are getting into trouble.

Things are quiet. Too quiet.

10. You don’t get embarrassed easily anymore.

ABC

“What’s that? I’m wearing sweatpants in public with spit-up on them? So I am.”

11. You don’t tell your kid about plans until right before they happen.

Digital Vision / Via ThinkStock

This way you avoid nuclear meltdowns caused by statements like, “I know I said we were going to Frozen On Ice, but I’m afraid it’s sold out.”

12. You know better than to leave a drink within arm’s reach of your little one.

Stephen VanHorn / Via shutterstock.com

They’ve got Go Go Gadget arms, these kids.

13. When you say it’s time to go and your kids whine you’re like:

Lifetime

14. You wipe snot off your kid’s nose without a second thought, and have probably even used the Nose Frida.

Literally sucking the snot out of your kid’s nose? That ain’t no rookie move.

15. Changing a diaper — even a nasty one — is NBD.

Now you can get up in the middle of a meal, change the rankest of diapers, then sit back down and keep eating without missing a beat.

16. When it comes to kid’s clothes, you value functionality (not to mention affordability) over all else.

Flickr: sydneytreasuresphotography / Via Creative Commons

A $70 kid’s shirt that is hand wash only? No thanks, Gwyneth.

17. You don’t get poached on doll clothes either.

You know the “American Girl” knock-off clothes at Target are super cute and your kid can’t tell the difference. (Yet another reason to love Target.)

18. You don’t like to brag, but when it comes to peekaboo you’re basically a rock star.

ABC Family

Do babies laugh when you play peekaboo? Does the earth circle the sun?

19. You know all of the children’s characters by their name.

You even know “Doc” McStuffins’ first name is “Dottie.”

20. You’re an expert on children’s books, too, and know which ones to suggest when you don’t have much time.

Harper Collins

When your show starts in five minutes: “We’re reading Goodnight Moon!”

21. Speaking of books, your funny voices are on point.

You even crack yourself up, TBH.

22. You can brush someone else’s teeth just as well as your own.

Fox

It doesn’t even matter if your kid is squirming like a toad.

23. You have the “parent tone” down cold.

Getty Images Stockbyte

24. And the “parent look.”

CBS

Your kids better not play with you.

25. Your arms are shockingly strong.

Fox

Your “guns” may not look like a bodybuilder’s, but over the course of a day you lift way more pounds (in kids) than they do.

26. You can sleep in any position.

Flickr: mliu92 / Via Creative Commons

You can even sleep with a toddler foot in your face.

27. When your kids say they don’t like the dinner you made it’s no longer the gut punch it used to be.

NBC

28. Other parents have started to ask YOU for advice.

New Line Cinema

At first you were like, “You don’t want to ask me,” but then you realized you know your stuff.

29. Lastly, you have more confidence as a parent than you ever dreamed possible.

Disney

You’ve got this.

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Read more: http://www.buzzfeed.com/mikespohr/29-signs-youre-no-longer-a-rookie-parent

Megachurch pastor Creflo Dollar arrested for allegedly beating daughter, fans say she probably deserved it

http://twitter.com/#!/cthagod/status/211155955906387970

Creflo Dollar is a pastor living a lavish lifestyle the majority in his profession can only dream about. Private jets, fancy cars, luxurious homes, etc. As founder of the World Changers Church International, no one can argue he’s done quite well for himself.  He’s been investigated numerous times, and the Senate has even asked for detailed accounting statements, but up to this moment, he remained untouchable.

That status changed when he was arrested on battery charges in Fayette County.

BREAKING: Megachurch pastor Creflo Dollar arrested on battery charges. Live update on Ch 2 Action News at Noon: http://t.co/teak9xK7

— WSB-TV (@wsbtv) June 8, 2012

PASTOR DID WHAT?! Megachurch Leader Creflo Dollar ARRESTED For Allegedly CHOKING & PUNCHING 15-Year-Old DAUGHTER! http://t.co/ZgM8nz0S

— YBF CHIC (@TheYBF) June 8, 2012

Megachurch pastor who preaches "prosperity theology" also, it turns out, punches his 15 year old daughter. http://t.co/YGCBmU3t

— David Roberts (@drgrist) June 8, 2012

The Associated Press reports that the megachurch pastor was picked up in the early hours of the morning after police responded to a call of domestic violence.

The 50-year old pastor and father was arguing with his daughter about whether or not she was allowed to attend a party, which lead to a physical altercation. Dollar’s daughter was said to have had “superficial injuries.”

This is definitely the kind of event that can change your mind about someone, especially a person of suggested grounded morals like Dollar has stated he is.

SMH at Creflo Dollar you ain't got to choke the girl to get to listen…..

— Jasmine Denee' (@JasmineDenee) June 8, 2012

Creflo Dollar and Chris Brown in the same anger management class, while Rihanna and Creflo Dollar's daughter see the same shrink.

— Ris. ღ (@LaRisaNyChell) June 8, 2012

Creflo Dollar choked his 15 year old daughter. His tv sermon won't be on anymore.

— Chris™ (@_chrismaldonado) June 8, 2012

Creflo Dollar has seen his fair share of support, however. There have been plenty of folks on Twitter who, while not even knowing the details of the alleged charges, have suggested his daughter deserved what she got.

https://twitter.com/_krystinPIMPIN/status/211162752226570240

I'm praying for pastors & Creflo Dollar…we from the old school remember those kind of whippings…it's a new day & kids git cell phones 🙂

— Trina B. Bowers (@Puritybowers3) June 8, 2012

If it was around 1 am Creflo Dollar's daughter needed to have her 15 yr old ass in tha house anyway

— Rob Smith (@smitteaux) June 8, 2012

@tinaseals @edeweysmith And when you try to discipline them later, they call 911 on you like Creflo Dollar's daughter…smh

— Robert Charles Scott (@drrcscott1911) June 8, 2012

Mothers let us be in prayer for Creflo Dollar and his family!! Pray, Pray, Pray!!!!!! Disciplining children in… http://t.co/IuoDctjN

— Sophie (@sellis80) June 8, 2012

https://twitter.com/MissBookall/status/211165707679965184

Cant even whoop kids these days. *Smh!* RT @BIGNOBE06: #WGCL Megachurch pastor Creflo Dollar arrested http://t.co/3phtdONo #freecreflodollar

— CJ {Corey.Joshua} (@TheInsid_her) June 8, 2012

Creflo Dollar has since been released on bail, and whatever happened, he believes that what he did was a righteous act:

Once you believe that you are righteous, you will begin do what is righteous. –Creflo Dollar #CaseDismissed

— Creflo Dollar (@Creflo_Dollar) June 8, 2012

Read more: http://twitchy.com/2012/06/08/creflo-dollar-arrested-for-allegedly-beating-daughter-fans-say-she-probably-deserved-it/

Oops: CBS confuses Wiz Khalifa and Trey Songz

http://twitter.com/#!/ericahltn/status/300746888024571905

https://twitter.com/CBS/status/300743755261165568

wiz khalifa

D’oh. CBS instituted a gown rule to ensure that none associated with famous people embarrass the system. But unfortunately, there’s no cultural IQ signal to ensure the system doesn’t embarrass the celebrities. The official CBS Twitter crew erroneously identified Wiz Khalifa (pictured above along with his pregnant fiancee Amber Rose) as singer Trey Songz.

It is Trey Songz:

From the Red Carpet with Trey Songz. He was so nice. twitter.com/brooklynhaley1…

— Brooklyn Haley (@brooklynhaley15) February 10, 2013

imgres-1

Mockery ensued:

Fucking idiots @cbs

— Blk Jesus | LadyGaga (@Lexiesus) February 10, 2013

CRYING RT @cbs: From the red carpet for the#grammys with @treysongz twitter.com/CBS/status/300…

— ♡Karmen♡ (@Breathe0nMe) February 10, 2013

Y’all have to stop. It’s #blackhistorymonth RT @cbs: Regarding the red-carpet for the#grammys with @treysongz twitter.com/CBS/status/300…

— Blk Jesus | LadyGaga (@Lexiesus) February 10, 2013

This really is a proper tweet!!! LMFAOOOOO RT @cbs: Regarding red-carpet for the#grammys with @treysongz twitter.com/CBS/status/300…

— Donnie McLurkin (@PrideOfLR) February 10, 2013

Stop it 5 RT @fivefifths LMFAO RT @cbs: On the red-carpet for the#grammys with @treysongz twitter.com/CBS/status/300…

— gorgeous Nightmare (@Cinnamon_Stix) February 10, 2013

Only a matter of time before somebody plays the competition card.

How exactly does CBS error Wiz Kahlifa for Trey Songz during Black background Month. #Tragic

— Mr. 222 buzz (@lesjay2008) February 10, 2013

Wiz Khalifa and Trey Songz look NOTHING alike @cbs

— Oatz (@OatzTheGreat) February 10, 2013

It’s going to be an enjoyable night.

Change:

CBS features erased its tweet. No modification or retraction, normally.

Related:

T-Pain: CNN interviewer confused me personally with Lil Wayne

Read more: http://twitchy.com/2013/02/10/oops-cbs-confuses-wiz-khalifa-and-trey-songz/

Emily Miller shows how she ‘literally’ got screwed by Washington, DC [pic]

http://twitter.com/#!/erickbrockway/status/452199607917760512

We often hear the term used in the metaphorical sense, but for conservative author and Washington Times senior opinion editor Emily Miller, “got screwed by DC” took a turn for the literal:

http://twitter.com/#!/ThomasPoulin1/status/452200875553849344

Read more: http://twitchy.com/2014/04/04/emily-miller-shows-how-she-literally-got-screwed-by-washington-dc-pic/

Inside Obama’s Campaign To Use Latino Celebrities And Spanish-Language Media To Defend Immigration Actions

A court ruling suspending the immigration actions means the administration is trying to tamp down fear that they will go away. Democrats plan to hit Republicans hard, but immigration advocates are split on how much to do so.

Courtesy Telemundo

Hours after President Obama publicly discussed his executive actions on immigration in front of a crowd at a Las Vegas high school late last year, he headed to a more private gathering in a hotel suite.

There, the president met with Latino celebrities, Democrats, and Univision personalities with a clear request for them: promote the new government program that would delay the deportations of undocumented immigrants.

The meeting — which resembles the White House’s strategy for promoting the Obamacare exchanges through celebrities — included actor Wilmer Valderrama, Diane Guerrero from Orange Is the New Black, Mexican singer Pepe Aguilar, and Raúl De Molina and Lili Estefan, known for their hit Univision entertainment show El Gordo y la Flaca, as well as Univision Radio’s Enrique Santos and DNC finance chair Henry Muñoz. In particular, Obama highlighted Guerrero’s story — which had made the rounds in press reports ahead of his announcement — of how she and her family were undocumented. Valderrama also told Obama about scams that exist to take advantage of undocumented by “notarios,” people who help immigrants file paperwork with the government, which the president said he didn’t want to happen.

Now, despite an injunction by a federal judge that suspends implementation of the immigration actions during legal proceedings, Obama is using the same playbook.

Since the court injunction, Valderrama and Guerrero have done a Voto Latino Google Hangout together, and talked about what the ruling means for the community. Latin rock star Juanes also tweeted about ending deportations, which Democrats like Sen. Bob Menendez and Rep. Tony Cardenas retweeted.

One person familiar with outreach to multiple prominent Latin music artists said they have been approached by the administration about spreading the word about programs their fans may qualify for.

These less informal efforts are part of a broader Spanish-language effort by the White House that’s continuing even as the program has been suspended. On Wednesday, Obama will sit down with Jose Diaz-Balart, who anchors two shows on Telemundo as well as MSNBC’s The Rundown with José Díaz-Balart. The one-hour town hall, as it is being billed, will be taped at Florida International University in Miami, and is an opportunity for Obama to message to Latinos in English and Spanish.

Two days after the injunction, Univision announced “Immigration Week,” which the network just completed. In major markets, including Los Angeles, New York, Chicago, and Houston, the network ran programming centered on educating Hispanics on the executive action process and explaining what the court ruling means, and featured Cecilia Muñoz, the architect of Obama’s immigration policy on Al Punto — think Meet the Press in Spanish. The network also launched an interactive online tool after the injunction titled “Everything you need to know about the suspension of executive action” in Spanish.

The tone of this Spanish-language effort is twofold: a massive effort to convince potential applicants that the program is safe and will ultimately happen, despite the court ruling — and a more partisan attack.

Democrats see this as an opportunity to draw a distinction between themselves and Republicans in the minds of Latino voters. One source with knowledge of a congressional Democrat’s plans said additional efforts are underway to use Spanish-language media to tell the story of Republican opposition to the executive actions.

Behind the scenes, however, there are now concerns among immigration activists about the partisanship, which they say could have the unintended consequence of scaring undocumented immigrants.

Erika Andiola, an activist based in Arizona, was at a Feb. 12 meeting with activists across the immigration movement including Frank Sharry of America’s Voice, the National Immigration Law Center (NILC), United We Dream, and others, where they strategized on what to do if the court decision came down.

She said a lot of the parents she works with are scared about what will happen to the Deferred Action for Parents of Americans and Lawful Permanent Residents (DAPA) program, including her own mother, because of a frantic email she received from a local organization. She said her mother was worried that the legal challenge meant the program was going to be eliminated.

Andiola said the organizations who work very closely with the Democratic Party see it as a huge opportunity to attack Republicans for their opposition.

“Which is true, but for many of us it’s, ‘OK, but how are you guys going to do that without scaring people on the ground?'” she said. “They’re thinking, ‘This is going to be over, if it comes out should we even apply?'”

Univision News executive Daniel Coronell said the network is keeping this dynamic in mind in its coverage, striving for balance, and pointed to Sunday’s Al Punto, where along with Cecilia Muñoz, Adryana Boyne, a Republican strategist, and legal experts were featured.

Calling Obama’s latest move a defensive PR campaign, RNC spokesperson Ruth Guerra said Obama “is now doing the only thing he knows how to do: hit the campaign trail. This shows his immigration action was all about politics and never about sound policy.”

Meanwhile, at the same time as Obama’s immigration town hall in Miami on Wednesday, Latino donors and actress Eva Longoria are expected to descend on Miami Beach for a fundraiser for the Latino Victory Project. A source close to the LVP said Emilio and Gloria Estefan may attend but will likely be involved later in the night as some in attendance for Obama’s speech join with some of the fundraisers and Muñoz as well. The group grew from the Futuro Fund, a 2012 effort led by Longoria, Muñoz, and Puerto Rican lawyer Andrés W. López, which raised $32 million for Obama’s re-election.

Not expected to attend are the trio of Univision personalities Obama met with back in November, like Raúl De Molina, who the next day lauded Obama’s executive actions on Univision.

“I think the whole world has waited for this for many years,” he said in a video he tweeted.

“This touches my heart because I know a lot of people from Central America who have children who were born in this country, they’ve been here for years, and they are still worried that any day they won’t come home because they could be deported.”

La acción ejecutiva es algo que esperamos por mucho tiempo. http://t.co/fWAhnY9rGm

— rauldemolina (@Raúl De Molina)

Read more: http://www.buzzfeed.com/adriancarrasquillo/inside-obamas-campaign-to-use-latino-celebrities-and-spanish