The Power and Terror of Claire Underwood’s Hair

Claire Underwood’s hair holds all the secrets of the White House. Spoilers abound.

Nathaniel E Bell / Via Netflix

(Before you begin, I’m warning you there are third season spoilers ahead. You’ve been sufficiently warned.)

There are particular movements you may do without noticing, thousands of times in your life. Tucking hair behind your ear, twirling a strand while you write, blowing it out of your face while you move. The run, the twirl, the pull. We negotiate dead strands with living fingers, pampering and twisting, brushing, the comb. A drastic haircut in times of change, a dye job for rebellion. There is something freeing about watching all your hair fall to the floor around you to the hum of a clipper or the slice of a scissor — metaphorically and physically, everything is gone. The wind is at your neck, now move.

That cutthroat efficiency is why so many professional women choose the crop, and it’s likely part of the reason behind Claire Underwood’s on House of Cards. Can you imagine her with a perpetually blown-out sea of hair? She has, instead, the corporate mom cut: the cutthroat sister of the soccer mom, unconnected to the Rachel, and only distantly related to the manic pixie dream girl the way humans are related to Hades in hell. Since the beginning of the series, her look has been ambiguous: short but not unstylish, capable and cool. It is a constant in the series the way the balance of power is not. It shifts only slightly to suit occasions — a swirl for a ball, something butch when the occasion may call. But never anything too drastic, and nothing noticeable, or worse: distracting.

David Giesbrecht / Via Netflix

She is, for the first two seasons, the quiet doom of the show, her feelings iced over to protect her and her own. In fact, the only time you really see her fret about her hair for most of the series is Season 2: a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it breakdown on the stairs. And even then, she pats her hair like she’s clamping down her emotions — a knot in her throat and then she’s gone. Later in that episode, Claire’s seen rowing in her bedroom, shown from the back of her head: steady pace, not a hair out of place, dark hair growing at the roots, fading up to the frost. If Mellie is the Southern hospitality first lady on Scandal, with big hair full of secrets and rage and grief, Underwood is the chill of the Capitol’s halls. There’s nothing to see here, carry on.

On so many other shows, there’s a conscious unspoken maintenance of traditional womanhood — even in the direst of times, a girl’s gotta have a blowout. The maintenance of a woman is just par for the course of television, or has been for too long. (It is not the case with Shondaland, but that is another think piece, for another time.) The perpetual blowout, though, is not for Claire Underwood. She has no length of hair that needs it. She is kept, yes, always, but not because she has a secret team of hairstylists living at home to plot with, but because she’s cultivated a life so slim and brutally self-determined it’s not necessary. She can get up and go, quietly and whenever she decides is the perfect time. When she does decide to move, it’s with the silent death an iceberg is to a ship off course. You don’t see it coming until it hits you. The foundation of her character, actually, is being this kind of inevitable, unmoving force. David Fincher gave Robin Wright this single directive about the Claire he wanted to see on the screen: “Don’t move. Don’t move. Claire is a bust.”

Via Netflix

In Season 3, all of this shifts rapidly — both her cool facade and her hair, too. Claire Underwood has a heart now, and it makes her visibly sick. She hovers over the kitchen sink after asking for help from Francis. She wears more silks now, soft fabrics for a softer, unsure woman she’s never been before. For so long, we saw her as this stalwart, inevitable force. Now we see her fidgeting: hands always in the air, or trying to go for a run — pacing, or glancing, isolated from Francis where before she had always been luxuriously, wholly, alone.

We see her stumbling to find her own power as U.N. ambassador and use the discomfiture of being a woman to get it: We see her fixing her makeup while negotiating with the Russian ambassador. We see her peeing and talking coolly to him about the president at the same time. And later, we see her too, discussing hair color and voter preference with the presidential campaign staff. “Iowa voters love the blonde,” an advisor says, and Claire takes a moment to mourn her freshly brunette locks, before returning to her ice blonde. It’s not entirely blonde, though — the roots at the neck are deep brunette, like she couldn’t quite let them go. The unspoken efficiency of her appearance in the past few seasons has shifted into a conscious, calculated power move in a way it hadn’t been before. Her power isn’t really hers now, not anymore. Before, she was an iceberg, a marble bust, half of the atom bomb of the Underwood duo. But now, not so much.

In the final episodes of the latest season, Claire’s hair becomes frenetically colored: her hair color changes from brunette to icy blonde, to streaked and highlighted sand, as if it can’t quite decide when to stop. She’s come undone. She’s walked out on Francis, wind at her neck. Time to run.

Read more: http://www.buzzfeed.com/arabellesicardi/the-hair-warfare-on-house-of-cards

USA vs Germany at the World Cup: Prepare for World War Pun

http://twitter.com/#!/blabberson/status/482007226974875649

That’s sage advice.

http://twitter.com/#!/jwoodham/status/481996745153314816

We’re thinking it’s too late already.

http://twitter.com/#!/ChrisNHarrelson/status/482001898208501760 http://twitter.com/#!/the_moviebob/status/481916926315495424

The way I look at it: WWI: USA def. Germany WWII: USA def. Germany World Cup: Why would anything change? #3-0 #undefeated #USAGER— Derek Limbaugh (@DerekLimbaugh14) June 25, 2014

http://twitter.com/#!/rtking10/status/482000622128877568 http://twitter.com/#!/screwyoumegn/status/482007501026893824 http://twitter.com/#!/Shanehasabeard/status/482004019146010624 http://twitter.com/#!/silverkranch/status/482010613585965056

Groan.

 

 

Read more: http://twitchy.com/2014/06/26/usa-vs-germany-at-the-world-cup-prepare-for-world-war-pun/

Fall gal: Team Obama blames icky lawyer lady for nixing Benghazi transparency

http://twitter.com/#!/iowahawkblog/status/337179203898318851

The White House really, really, really wanted to release a comprehensive Benghazi timeline last October, according to the administration’s stenographers at BuzzFeed. But darnit, that pesky White House Counsel broad got in the way.

The War on Women: It’s coming from inside the White House!

http://twitter.com/#!/TheH2/status/337054455017127936 http://twitter.com/#!/Doc_0/status/337183392217055232

It’s not Obama’s fault, the administration wants you to know. BuzzFeed dutifully reports that the CIA and Obama’s national security team were all about transparency, transparency, transparency. But then along came the White House Counsel’s office, headed up by “Kathryn Ruemmler, Kathryn Ruemmler, Kathryn Ruemmler.”

http://twitter.com/#!/AndrewStilesNRO/status/337052837357948928

Ruemmler “advised the officials to not release any information to the public out of fear it could be used against them in any subsequent investigations and other legal complications.”

Looks like Obama’s gonna need a bigger bus. This road is getting really bumpy.

http://twitter.com/#!/johntabin/status/337065308873441280

So, this is the administration’s strategy for handling the Benghazi scandal?

http://twitter.com/#!/guypbenson/status/337068756754919424 http://twitter.com/#!/iowahawkblog/status/337187571471876099

“Real” reporting on “how Obama got tripped up by his lawyers”:

http://twitter.com/#!/NumbersMuncher/status/337055775044276224 http://twitter.com/#!/NumbersMuncher/status/337057438605926401 http://twitter.com/#!/NumbersMuncher/status/337059086598299648 http://twitter.com/#!/NumbersMuncher/status/337060617624109056 http://twitter.com/#!/NumbersMuncher/status/337062533556994049 http://twitter.com/#!/NumbersMuncher/status/337063565863301121 http://twitter.com/#!/NumbersMuncher/status/337069759801733120

A preview of what’s next?

http://twitter.com/#!/StickeeNotes/status/337069574379941888 http://twitter.com/#!/TheH2/status/337070492290801664

Update:

So how ’bout this leak?

http://twitter.com/#!/collegepolitico/status/337198102035435520

Read more: http://twitchy.com/2013/05/22/fall-gal-obama-officials-reportedly-blame-icky-lawyer-lady-for-preventing-benghazi-transparency/

PolitiFact: With the election over, let’s see if Obama kept ’08 campaign promises

http://twitter.com/#!/politifact/status/266567929150205952

Today? Two days after the election PolitiFact is checking to see if President Obama kept his 2008 campaign promises?

PolitiFact? No. PolitiFlack.

Update:

Twitter users react to the delayed fact-checking by Obama’s Palace Guard:

@politifact great timing!Too bad u dont have integrity or flux capacitor, or u wld have posted this in June. #cowards

— Scott V. (@svdhaute) November 8, 2012

.@politifact Great timing. Your job was to do this BEFORE the election. Doesn’t make a damn bit of difference now does it?

— EEÉ (@EEElverhoy) November 8, 2012

@politifact Great timing. Why bother? twitter.com/Nug33ent/statu…

— Nuge (@Nug33ent) November 8, 2012

@politifact might have been more helpful on Monday

— Colin Kelly (@oddsr3to1) November 8, 2012

@politifact Heh.Timely!Why don’t you go write an article about how we have an election next week…

— Anie (@AniesRight) November 8, 2012

@twitchyteam They should rename themselves PolitiFAIL That’s the fact Jack!

— Count De Monet (@MonetaAdvisors) November 8, 2012

@twitchyteam Yea, cause why do that BEFORE election day?

— Jennifer Butler (@jbutler70) November 8, 2012

Read more: http://twitchy.com/2012/11/08/politifact-hey-now-that-the-elections-over-lets-see-if-obama-kept-08-campaign-promises/

17 Lazy Girl Cleaning Hacks That Will Forever Change You

Clean your floor while walking to the fridge? YES.

Jenny Chang / BuzzFeed

1. Walk around your house in “Swiffer Socks” instead of dusting.

You know those sickeningly cozy socks that make you feel like a baby? Well, put those things on. Walk around your house. Take them off. You just dusted your apartment by simply having feet.

2. Use a lint roller to dust.

Run a lint roller over lampshades, mantles, and shelves to dust and vacuum all at once.

3. Spray furniture polish on anything to make it shiny.

Give your fridge (or your coffee table, or your dresser) some gold star treatment by doing practically nothing. But don’t spray your floor. You will probably fall and be angry at us.

4. Line your toaster tray with foil before toasting anything.

Peel it off and you can get back to your boyfriend Netflix.

5. Avoid using cups and bowls…

When you can, eat things out of their original containers.

6. At all costs.

I want to think someone wasn’t high when they did this. But they probably were.

7. Use tape to pick up crumbs.

So easy.

8. Use liquid shower gel (not soap) to avoid soap scum buildup in your tub.

“The fats and oils in soaps create problems with soap scum,” Lynn Marie Bower tells Housekeeping Channel. But since body wash is technically a detergent, it’s specifically formulated to prevent gross crud from caking up in the shower.

9. Blend soap and water to clean a blender.

Press a button and you’re done.

10. Use plastic food wrap to make clean-up easy.

When things get gross, just rip out the liners and add new ones.

11. Clean your microwave and your sponge all at once.

Microwave a damp sponge on high to kill the bacteria hiding in all its nooks and crannies. The steamy vapors will help clean stuck-on nastiness. Using an oven mitt, wipe the sides of the microwave with the sponge.

12. Tape a dryer sheet over an air conditioner vent to freshen up the room.

Never light a scented candle again.

13. Keep cleaning liquid in the bottom of the toilet brush pan.

Obviously, make sure to wash your toilet brush after using because dat shit nasty.

14. Wash almost everything in the dishwasher.

Jim Bauer/Creative Commons

If you’re lucky enough to have one. For a full list of things you can wash in a dishwasher, go here.

15. Clean greasy gas burners in a sealed plastic bag with ammonia.

Pick up burners. Put burners in bags with 1/4 cup of ammonia. Seal bags. Let sit overnight. Wipe burners with sponge. Don a crown—you are now the clean queen.

16. Run 1 part vinegar + 1 part water through a brew cycle in your coffeemaker.

Then run just water through the cycle twice to make the vinegar smell goes away.

17. Soak a non-toxic and biodegradable dryer sheet in a pan to remove baked-on food.

Barely lift a finger.

And enjoy killing all the birds with one stone.

Then go take a nap.

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Read more: http://www.buzzfeed.com/alisoncaporimo/lazy-girl-cleaning-hacks

Gov. Bobby Jindal: ‘I’m glad to hear that A&E came to its senses’

http://twitter.com/#!/BobbyJindal/status/416717693165662210

Soon after news broke that A&E was lifting its suspension of “Duck Dynasty” patriarch Phil Robertson, Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal was applauding the network’s decision as a victory for both free speech and religious liberty.

http://twitter.com/#!/BobbyJindal/status/416717805304565760 http://twitter.com/#!/BobbyJindal/status/416718224483303424 http://twitter.com/#!/enorby19/status/416718825996824576 http://twitter.com/#!/NO_MORE_CHANGE/status/416720421451337729 http://twitter.com/#!/Sisteacup/status/416719076455505920 http://twitter.com/#!/arfner/status/416721555071447040

Read more: http://twitchy.com/2013/12/27/gov-bobby-jindal-im-glad-to-hear-that-ae-came-to-its-senses/