[Music] you’ve got the needle and this one is one that I have yet to inject did sin no unfortunately negative again I know how much he wants kids and I I couldn’t want them anymore all we all we want is to just be parents I really would hate this infertility thing and and I hate I hate how people say well you’re stressing and that’s why you have infertility and it’s like no I have infertility and that causes my stress pump me full of drugs now even care I just want a baby so I start my family I just I just want that it would mean it would be the best day of my life it would be the best shit in the world if I got a positive pregnancy then unfortunately I feel like I’m never going to be a mother and that I am going to be childless forever and it’s not really funny I kind of laugh it off but um it’s an it’s a real fear and concern that I have it we’ve been trying for four plus years does a long time pnina to be honest with yourself you can’t keep doing the same thing over and over again and expect a different results I mean I’m not going to get pregnant naturally I’m not you know if I don’t get a have my own kid which I don’t think I’m going to I think I can still live a relatively happy life I’ll just have to I just might have to get a lot of birds or something alright guys I will let you know please keep your fingers crossed for me think it’s pray to God this is the cycle and then I get it become a mama I won’t ever have them and um that’s okay it’s fine that I can’t have babies that’s totally fine I almost feel guilty that I can’t have babies because my niece won’t have a cousin you know and um Shh moms always want to tell me just how how much they didn’t realize what love was until they had a kid let’s say I’m like 33 and I finally like say I just find out that I’m pregnant which embrasure is never gonna happen everything that I have when I die and he dies there’s nobody to give it to there’s nobody to keep it do it’s funny I don’t cry thinking about me not being a mom I cry thinking about Zach not being a dad it’s so weird like he’s what makes me cry because he’s so like I tried to get pregnant for five years I am infertile I’ve come to terms with it and then in those terms that I’ve tried to come to I have tried to tell myself that I don’t want children because it really sucks to be somebody with infertility that has issues that are really hard to fix and to also want for something so badly then it’s it’s life ruining I’ve never been pregnant and I don’t think I can get pregnant and basically he let me know a few years ago like oh I would love to be a dad and for a while there I thought that we were kind of on the same page of like we can’t get pregnant so babe okay and then he let me know like oh my god I would love to you dad and I it like crushed my heart and soul because I was like I can’t get fucking pregnant oh like that well I’m sorry but it’s okay so don’t we had a conversation about it and I said like we can but I don’t think I can are you going to be ruined if we can he was like no I’ll be fine because it kills me to think that he would want to be a dad but I can’t like make that a reality it’s not so much that I just think we would both be good parents oh you fantastic mother you’ll be a wonderful that I would be a freak why can’t we be my everything my heart and soul you’re free oh right now in this moment as I sit here have totally come to terms with not being able to get pregnant on the same page so oh I might be sorry I’m happy [Music] this isn’t real this isn’t real this isn’t real this isn’t real no this cannot be real this cannot be real this cannot be real [Music] doesn’t get me real doesn’t give me real [Music] this can’t be real [Music] this can’t be real this cannot be real this is not happening this is literally not happening it’s not possible [Music] it’s literally not possible it’s not possible [Music] there’s no way there’s no fucking way there is literally no way this is happening I’m actually having an out-of-body experience this cannot be real this can not be real there is no way this cannot be real I have to go get something I have to do what I have to I’m literally losing my fucking mind holy shit this can’t be real this isn’t happening it can’t be happening you don’t understand I don’t get pregnant I don’t ovulate I don’t I don’t I don’t have that I don’t have it doesn’t work what one two three four [Music] a plus sign is pregnant holy absolute shit holy holy shit holy shit holy shit oh my god let’s say I’m like 33 and I finally like say I just find out that I’m pregnant which the preachers never gonna happen I almost feel guilty that I can’t have babies because my niece won’t have a cousin I love you too gee I’m so happy that I’m gonna have a real cousin I miss you really much and I hope I get to stay really sure [Music] [Music] you [Music]
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