Category: Anxiety

The human body has its own, in-built response to danger. When people feel fear, their bodies are immediately flooded with a potent chemical known as adrenaline. This is called the natural fight-or-flight response given that adrenaline is a very action-oriented hormone. It makes the heart pump faster and incites people to move. In times past, this was an ordinary and acceptable response to common danger. Now, however, it is a physiological process that’s largely wasted on a modern generation that has little to worry about.

Although you aren’t still actively hunting for all your food or living in a habitat that requires you to be on the constant lookout for predators, this prehistoric response to perceived danger still exists and it continues to have an impact on your personal chemistry. People can get surges of adrenaline in the workplace, while driving their cars or while sitting in their own homes.

In addition to adrenaline, your body also produces cortisol hormones. These have a similar effect on your immediate well-being, but they are more likely to get released when you feel anxious or tense. Too much cortisol in the body can make a person more predisposed to fat storage around the midsection. This usually comes in the form of visceral fat as well, which is dangerous fat that surrounds the organs, rather than being deposited and stored on top of the muscle and just under the skin like the far less dangerous subcutaneous fat that most people have.

Not only does constant anxiety and fear upset your internal chemistry, but it can also wear out the glands that excrete these hormones. This is a development that is commonly referred to as adrenal failure. For women, adrenal failure can result in the early onset of menopause. It can also lead to the development of dark patches or spots on the skin called melasma.

Adrenal failure and the storage of unhealthy, visceral fat around the midsection are but a few of the ways that constant anxiety and fear can negatively impact your physical health. These emotions can also have a major effect on your emotional health. This is especially true if they are left unchecked.

Surprisingly, prolonged anxiety can lead to sleep troubles and even chronic depression. It is nearly impossible to enjoy any aspect of life if you are constantly afraid. People can also have a hard time focusing which can result in poor performance at work or school.

People who suffer from problems like chronic anxiety and depression often feel as though they are powerless to correct these issues. In reality, however, there are a number of organized activities that can alleviate negative emotions and help people establish positive and proactive mindsets. These include diaphragmatic breathing, cardiovascular exercise and routine social engagement among many other things.

Signing up for a yoga class is a great way to alleviate anxiety and tension. This eastern practice teaches mindfulness and breath consciousness while simultaneously conditioning all parts of the body. With this meditative, non-impact exercise, you can learn how to enter and maintain a calm state, irrespective of the challenges that life might throw your way.

The human body has its own, in-built response to danger. When people feel fear, their bodies are immediately flooded with a potent chemical known as adrenaline. This is called the natural fight-or-flight response given that adrenaline is a very action-oriented hormone. It makes the heart pump faster and incites people to move. In times past, this was an ordinary and acceptable response to common danger. Now, however, it is a physiological process that’s largely wasted on a modern generation that has little to worry about.

Although you aren’t still actively hunting for all your food or living in a habitat that requires you to be on the constant lookout for predators, this prehistoric response to perceived danger still exists and it continues to have an impact on your personal chemistry. People can get surges of adrenaline in the workplace, while driving their cars or while sitting in their own homes.

In addition to adrenaline, your body also produces cortisol hormones. These have a similar effect on your immediate well-being, but they are more likely to get released when you feel anxious or tense. Too much cortisol in the body can make a person more predisposed to fat storage around the midsection. This usually comes in the form of visceral fat as well, which is dangerous fat that surrounds the organs, rather than being deposited and stored on top of the muscle and just under the skin like the far less dangerous subcutaneous fat that most people have.

Not only does constant anxiety and fear upset your internal chemistry, but it can also wear out the glands that excrete these hormones. This is a development that is commonly referred to as adrenal failure. For women, adrenal failure can result in the early onset of menopause. It can also lead to the development of dark patches or spots on the skin called melasma.

Adrenal failure and the storage of unhealthy, visceral fat around the midsection are but a few of the ways that constant anxiety and fear can negatively impact your physical health. These emotions can also have a major effect on your emotional health. This is especially true if they are left unchecked.

Surprisingly, prolonged anxiety can lead to sleep troubles and even chronic depression. It is nearly impossible to enjoy any aspect of life if you are constantly afraid. People can also have a hard time focusing which can result in poor performance at work or school.

People who suffer from problems like chronic anxiety and depression often feel as though they are powerless to correct these issues. In reality, however, there are a number of organized activities that can alleviate negative emotions and help people establish positive and proactive mindsets. These include diaphragmatic breathing, cardiovascular exercise and routine social engagement among many other things.

Signing up for a yoga class is a great way to alleviate anxiety and tension. This eastern practice teaches mindfulness and breath consciousness while simultaneously conditioning all parts of the body. With this meditative, non-impact exercise, you can learn how to enter and maintain a calm state, irrespective of the challenges that life might throw your way.

Art is therapeutic and is sometimes called expressive art or art psychology that is facilitated by the art therapist, in applying art media, the creative process, and the resulting artwork to explore their feelings, resolve emotional conflicts, further self-awareness, manage performance and obsession, increase social skills, improve reality orientation, decrease anxiety, and raise self-respect. A purpose in art therapy is to get better or reinstate a client’s functioning and his or her sense of personal well-being. Art therapy practice requires information of visual art, the creative process, as well as of human development, psychological, and design theories and methods. It is used as the focus and medium of communication. Almost any medium can be used for art therapy include painting, drawing / sketching, sculpting and clay modelling.

Today art therapy is widely practised in a wide variety of settings including hospitals, psychiatric and rehabilitation facilities, wellness centres, forensic institutions, schools, emergency centres, senior communities, private practice, and other clinical and community settings. During individual and/or group sessions art therapists elicit their clients’ inherent capacity for art making to boost their physical, mental, and emotional well-being. Research supports the use of art therapy within a professional relationship for the therapeutic benefits gained through artistic self-expression and reflection for individuals who experience illness, trauma, and mental health troubles and those in search of personal development.

A helpful treatment for people experiencing developmental, medical, educational, and social or psychological impairment where the individual has also survived trauma resulting from combat, abuse, and natural disaster; persons with adverse physical health conditions such as cancer, traumatic brain injury, and other health disability; and persons with autism, dementia, depression, and other disorders. Art therapy helps people resolve conflicts, develop interpersonal skills, manage challenging behaviours, decrease depressing stress, and achieve personal insight as it also facilitates people with their social skills.

The benefits of art therapy in these types of conditions can help with people who are reserved or shy, or who, for some reason or another, have a hard time functioning within social situations. On the whole, the benefits of art therapy can be quite wide. It can improve lives by helping people improve their mental, emotional, and even physical states therefore increases the quality of life for many people, and it is worth considering if it can aid you in some way or another to enjoy the life-affirming pleasures of art making.

The many benefits that can be experienced by the use of this healing modality are:

• Allowing unspoken words to be expressed
• Encourages to build trust in a safe environment and be understood
• Help increase their self-esteem and self-respect
• Assists in gaining a new, more objective perspective on their challenges
• Allows you to start experiment with change that can later be applied
• Provides a secure outlet for feelings such as fear, guilt, ache, rage and anger
• Encourages clients to make constructive choices and to gain hope for the future
• Tap into internal power and use existing strengths to build more skills which can facilitate them manage complex emotions and circumstances in other areas of life

Art therapy can help children and teens to process:

• Experiences of sorrow, loss or separation
• Trauma and developmental stress
• Life transitions
• Injury/ accidents
• Birth of a sibling
• Parental separation/ divorce
• Hyperactivity
• Disabilities physical, learning or invisible
• Emotional issues (fear, anxiety, depression, self-esteem, anger etc.
• Behavioural issues (aggression, withdrawal, impassivity, tantrums etc.

It could simply be the act of executing artistic expression on your own or with others, or possibly it’s in search of professional help with a qualified art therapist. Either way, the benefits of art therapy make it worth exploring as a mechanism for healing.

Art is therapeutic and is sometimes called expressive art or art psychology that is facilitated by the art therapist, in applying art media, the creative process, and the resulting artwork to explore their feelings, resolve emotional conflicts, further self-awareness, manage performance and obsession, increase social skills, improve reality orientation, decrease anxiety, and raise self-respect. A purpose in art therapy is to get better or reinstate a client’s functioning and his or her sense of personal well-being. Art therapy practice requires information of visual art, the creative process, as well as of human development, psychological, and design theories and methods. It is used as the focus and medium of communication. Almost any medium can be used for art therapy include painting, drawing / sketching, sculpting and clay modelling.

Today art therapy is widely practised in a wide variety of settings including hospitals, psychiatric and rehabilitation facilities, wellness centres, forensic institutions, schools, emergency centres, senior communities, private practice, and other clinical and community settings. During individual and/or group sessions art therapists elicit their clients’ inherent capacity for art making to boost their physical, mental, and emotional well-being. Research supports the use of art therapy within a professional relationship for the therapeutic benefits gained through artistic self-expression and reflection for individuals who experience illness, trauma, and mental health troubles and those in search of personal development.

A helpful treatment for people experiencing developmental, medical, educational, and social or psychological impairment where the individual has also survived trauma resulting from combat, abuse, and natural disaster; persons with adverse physical health conditions such as cancer, traumatic brain injury, and other health disability; and persons with autism, dementia, depression, and other disorders. Art therapy helps people resolve conflicts, develop interpersonal skills, manage challenging behaviours, decrease depressing stress, and achieve personal insight as it also facilitates people with their social skills.

The benefits of art therapy in these types of conditions can help with people who are reserved or shy, or who, for some reason or another, have a hard time functioning within social situations. On the whole, the benefits of art therapy can be quite wide. It can improve lives by helping people improve their mental, emotional, and even physical states therefore increases the quality of life for many people, and it is worth considering if it can aid you in some way or another to enjoy the life-affirming pleasures of art making.

The many benefits that can be experienced by the use of this healing modality are:

• Allowing unspoken words to be expressed
• Encourages to build trust in a safe environment and be understood
• Help increase their self-esteem and self-respect
• Assists in gaining a new, more objective perspective on their challenges
• Allows you to start experiment with change that can later be applied
• Provides a secure outlet for feelings such as fear, guilt, ache, rage and anger
• Encourages clients to make constructive choices and to gain hope for the future
• Tap into internal power and use existing strengths to build more skills which can facilitate them manage complex emotions and circumstances in other areas of life

Art therapy can help children and teens to process:

• Experiences of sorrow, loss or separation
• Trauma and developmental stress
• Life transitions
• Injury/ accidents
• Birth of a sibling
• Parental separation/ divorce
• Hyperactivity
• Disabilities physical, learning or invisible
• Emotional issues (fear, anxiety, depression, self-esteem, anger etc.
• Behavioural issues (aggression, withdrawal, impassivity, tantrums etc.

It could simply be the act of executing artistic expression on your own or with others, or possibly it’s in search of professional help with a qualified art therapist. Either way, the benefits of art therapy make it worth exploring as a mechanism for healing.

Everyone worries. But at times our lives bog down with too much worry, which impacts appetite, lifestyle, relationships, sleep, and job performance.

Worry really offers little benefit to life, so if we look at causes and prescriptions for worry our it becomes manageable.

People often worry because they enjoy it. They have a need to live with daily drama. Constant worry meters out doses of drama on an “as needed basis” and this seems normal. By dramatically acting out life issues big or small, these people stay on center stage with sympathy as their needed applause.

Uncertainty is another catalyst. The uncertainty of jobs, bills, debts, children, life changes, etc punches our worry button. People often don’t react well to changes brought on by normal life uncertainties.

But, change is a partner in life and may allow good to things happen. Take note, Charles Darwin’s research indicated that it’s not the strongest nor most intelligent that survive, but those who are most responsive to change.

Lack of knowledge or skills creates anxiety. Being in a position where we feel “in over our heads” is worrisome. Being out of the comfort zone is tough for everyone. But, the fact is you either climb your own way up to speed in knowledge and skills, or you change your surroundings.

Another contributor to worry is the lack of control. We all need some control. Even a toddler does things to exert control in an adult’s life.

We really may have more control than we realize and just don’t recognize it. But, there will always be things beyond our control and we must learn to function as things are.

Our upbringing and past life experiences will also foster anxiety. Parents have been known to create worry filled homes with an odd child called anxiety. Research indicates that we’re molded by our social environments and tend to mimic them.

Worry may come from past trauma or negative experiences. Accidents, illness, or personal witness to bad events causes anxiety. These may be justifiable causes but stick with us just the same.

Even with so many prompts for worry, it’s not as difficult to curb as you might think. But, you need the desire to change your life, and you do need to work at it.

Turning to ideas for managing worry, Winston Churchill reflecting back on his own troubles found that many never really happened. Shakespeare gives another clue when he wrote, “to thine own self, be true”.

Honest self-reflection is a good step toward managing anxiety and counseling opens a door to personal discovery. The more clarity we gain the more quickly we move toward positive ground.

We have natural tendencies toward vagueness and generalization. Along with counseling, sharing with a trusted family member or close friend, or even a personal worry diary can help clarify issues.

Guarding against falling into the “what if trap” is a necessary for worry management. Conjuring “what if” scenarios is of little value since most of the plots we create rarely happen. So instead of imagining things that may never happen, eliminate the “what if’s”.

Find ways to embrace the uncertainty of life. At times, life is a great venture. At times, it requires problem-solving. At times, it totally stumps us. But, each moment in life inevitably happens with little predictability. Worry doesn’t change this.

Start an exercise program. Walk, bike, swim, jog, stretch, etc. Exercise goes a long way toward eliminating stress and anxiety. A moderate daily routine of exercise will boost your mental health.

Finally, worry does little good, fixes nothing, and causes anxiety. Self-understanding is central to living a worry free life. So, embrace life, be honest with yourself and worry less.

Everyone worries. But at times our lives bog down with too much worry, which impacts appetite, lifestyle, relationships, sleep, and job performance.

Worry really offers little benefit to life, so if we look at causes and prescriptions for worry our it becomes manageable.

People often worry because they enjoy it. They have a need to live with daily drama. Constant worry meters out doses of drama on an “as needed basis” and this seems normal. By dramatically acting out life issues big or small, these people stay on center stage with sympathy as their needed applause.

Uncertainty is another catalyst. The uncertainty of jobs, bills, debts, children, life changes, etc punches our worry button. People often don’t react well to changes brought on by normal life uncertainties.

But, change is a partner in life and may allow good to things happen. Take note, Charles Darwin’s research indicated that it’s not the strongest nor most intelligent that survive, but those who are most responsive to change.

Lack of knowledge or skills creates anxiety. Being in a position where we feel “in over our heads” is worrisome. Being out of the comfort zone is tough for everyone. But, the fact is you either climb your own way up to speed in knowledge and skills, or you change your surroundings.

Another contributor to worry is the lack of control. We all need some control. Even a toddler does things to exert control in an adult’s life.

We really may have more control than we realize and just don’t recognize it. But, there will always be things beyond our control and we must learn to function as things are.

Our upbringing and past life experiences will also foster anxiety. Parents have been known to create worry filled homes with an odd child called anxiety. Research indicates that we’re molded by our social environments and tend to mimic them.

Worry may come from past trauma or negative experiences. Accidents, illness, or personal witness to bad events causes anxiety. These may be justifiable causes but stick with us just the same.

Even with so many prompts for worry, it’s not as difficult to curb as you might think. But, you need the desire to change your life, and you do need to work at it.

Turning to ideas for managing worry, Winston Churchill reflecting back on his own troubles found that many never really happened. Shakespeare gives another clue when he wrote, “to thine own self, be true”.

Honest self-reflection is a good step toward managing anxiety and counseling opens a door to personal discovery. The more clarity we gain the more quickly we move toward positive ground.

We have natural tendencies toward vagueness and generalization. Along with counseling, sharing with a trusted family member or close friend, or even a personal worry diary can help clarify issues.

Guarding against falling into the “what if trap” is a necessary for worry management. Conjuring “what if” scenarios is of little value since most of the plots we create rarely happen. So instead of imagining things that may never happen, eliminate the “what if’s”.

Find ways to embrace the uncertainty of life. At times, life is a great venture. At times, it requires problem-solving. At times, it totally stumps us. But, each moment in life inevitably happens with little predictability. Worry doesn’t change this.

Start an exercise program. Walk, bike, swim, jog, stretch, etc. Exercise goes a long way toward eliminating stress and anxiety. A moderate daily routine of exercise will boost your mental health.

Finally, worry does little good, fixes nothing, and causes anxiety. Self-understanding is central to living a worry free life. So, embrace life, be honest with yourself and worry less.

Psychic Counselling is all about opening up one’s psychic consciousness. The science of Psychological Counselling tells us that we should be a product of our decisions and not of our circumstances. Being a psychotherapist one should always remember that for each patient one sees he/she might be the only person in their life capable of both hearing and holding their pain. Yes! That is scary, but that is what psychotherapy is all about. The purpose of psychotherapy is to set people free since there is no agony like bearing an untold story. Psychology states that a mind which is stretched by new experiences can never go back to its old dimensions. Psychotherapy is a recurrent process from solitude to relationship. It is recurrent because the patient, in fear of existential solitude connects deeply and meaningfully to the therapist, and then motivated by this face-off he/she can is able to confront with the existential solitude.

To quote a few lines from William Shakespeare’s Macbeth,

“Macbeth: How does your patient, doctor?

Doctor: Not so sick, my lord, as she is troubled with thick-coming fancies that keep her from rest.

Macbeth: Cure her of that! Canst thou not minister to a mind diseased, pluck from the memory a rooted sorrow, raze out the written troubles of the brain, and with some sweet oblivious antidote cleanse the stuffed bosom of that perilous stuff which weighs upon her heart.

Doctor: Therein the patient must minister to himself.”

There are hundreds of counselling techniques to treat psychological sufferings or physical illness that have stemmed from psychological illnesses. These therapies urge the patient to converse about their innermost apprehensions, the traumas that they have gone through as well as going through in the present.

Evidence of the effectiveness of psychotherapy and counselling for people with particular diagnoses, including the differential effectiveness of specific types of therapy. The diagnostic areas/presenting problems considered were:

• depression including post-natal depression;
• anxiety disorders including generalised anxiety, panic and agoraphobia, social phobia, post-traumatic stress disorder and obsessive compulsive disorder;
• eating disorders;
• somatic presentations including chronic pain, chronic fatigue, gastrointestinal problems and gynaelogical problems.

Psychological therapy should be routinely considered as a treatment option when assessing mental health problems. This principle is important in decisions by the General Physicians and their patients about the option of psychological therapy, because “therapeutic alliance” is the single best predictor of benefit. A good working relationship in therapy does not necessarily mean the absence of conflict or difficulty, but a fundamental agreement on the golas and tasks of therapy and spine level of commitment to the relationship. If this is lacking, the therapy is less likely to be helpful, whatever other research evidence; may recommend it in general terms. If this occurs, a second opportunity to establish a working relationship is advisable.

Psychological treatment has been found effective in the treatment of depression in general adult and older adult populations, including inpatient care. Cognitive behaviour therapy and interpersonal therapy in particular have been found efficacious in the treatment of depression, with best evidences for cognitive behaviour therapy. Behavioural therapy, problem-solving therapy, group therapy and marital and family interventions have all shown some evidence of efficacy. Psychodynamic interpersonal therapy has also shown evidence of effectiveness. Time-limited depression targeted psychotherapies are efficacious when transferred from, psychiatric to primary care settings. Exposure-based treatment and CBT have shown efficacy in the treatment of agoraphobia, although exposure may be less effective on measures of panic

Psychic Counselling is all about opening up one’s psychic consciousness. The science of Psychological Counselling tells us that we should be a product of our decisions and not of our circumstances. Being a psychotherapist one should always remember that for each patient one sees he/she might be the only person in their life capable of both hearing and holding their pain. Yes! That is scary, but that is what psychotherapy is all about. The purpose of psychotherapy is to set people free since there is no agony like bearing an untold story. Psychology states that a mind which is stretched by new experiences can never go back to its old dimensions. Psychotherapy is a recurrent process from solitude to relationship. It is recurrent because the patient, in fear of existential solitude connects deeply and meaningfully to the therapist, and then motivated by this face-off he/she can is able to confront with the existential solitude.

To quote a few lines from William Shakespeare’s Macbeth,

“Macbeth: How does your patient, doctor?

Doctor: Not so sick, my lord, as she is troubled with thick-coming fancies that keep her from rest.

Macbeth: Cure her of that! Canst thou not minister to a mind diseased, pluck from the memory a rooted sorrow, raze out the written troubles of the brain, and with some sweet oblivious antidote cleanse the stuffed bosom of that perilous stuff which weighs upon her heart.

Doctor: Therein the patient must minister to himself.”

There are hundreds of counselling techniques to treat psychological sufferings or physical illness that have stemmed from psychological illnesses. These therapies urge the patient to converse about their innermost apprehensions, the traumas that they have gone through as well as going through in the present.

Evidence of the effectiveness of psychotherapy and counselling for people with particular diagnoses, including the differential effectiveness of specific types of therapy. The diagnostic areas/presenting problems considered were:

• depression including post-natal depression;
• anxiety disorders including generalised anxiety, panic and agoraphobia, social phobia, post-traumatic stress disorder and obsessive compulsive disorder;
• eating disorders;
• somatic presentations including chronic pain, chronic fatigue, gastrointestinal problems and gynaelogical problems.

Psychological therapy should be routinely considered as a treatment option when assessing mental health problems. This principle is important in decisions by the General Physicians and their patients about the option of psychological therapy, because “therapeutic alliance” is the single best predictor of benefit. A good working relationship in therapy does not necessarily mean the absence of conflict or difficulty, but a fundamental agreement on the golas and tasks of therapy and spine level of commitment to the relationship. If this is lacking, the therapy is less likely to be helpful, whatever other research evidence; may recommend it in general terms. If this occurs, a second opportunity to establish a working relationship is advisable.

Psychological treatment has been found effective in the treatment of depression in general adult and older adult populations, including inpatient care. Cognitive behaviour therapy and interpersonal therapy in particular have been found efficacious in the treatment of depression, with best evidences for cognitive behaviour therapy. Behavioural therapy, problem-solving therapy, group therapy and marital and family interventions have all shown some evidence of efficacy. Psychodynamic interpersonal therapy has also shown evidence of effectiveness. Time-limited depression targeted psychotherapies are efficacious when transferred from, psychiatric to primary care settings. Exposure-based treatment and CBT have shown efficacy in the treatment of agoraphobia, although exposure may be less effective on measures of panic

Do you find yourself surrounded by people who constantly complain? People who just consistently bitch and moan about almost everything? They seem to look at the cup as being half empty instead of half full. Everything seems wrong and nothing seems right. They complain about the weather, their coworkers, their partners, the government, their children, traffic, and in-laws. They constantly talk about how great life used to be and how things are so different now.

Are you an energy vampire?

Or perhaps you find yourself seeing the negative side instead of looking at what might be positive and then dumping those thoughts into other people’s energy fields with complaints. And this pattern of “awfulizing” is contagious. When one person begins to go down this complaining pathway, then those of us around him or her tend to also jump on the bandwagon, usually without even realizing that we are doing so.

But why is this so wrong? We might think that we’re just expressing our opinions, and that we have a right to our feelings. And the answer is that of course we have a right to our opinions, however the way to transmute these feelings of frustration or anxiety regarding another person’s behavior is not to vent these opinions onto others. Indeed, complaining can have serious consequences. As Guy Winch, PhD and author says: when we have so many dissatisfactions and frustrations, yet believe we’re powerless to do much about them or to get the results we want, [then] we are left feeling helpless, hopeless, victimized, and bad about ourselves.

The person listening to us will feel this exposure to negativity as a serious drain on their own energy, often without realizing it. I describe people who tend to consistently complain and dump their stuff on others as energy vampires. You might notice when you get around someone who constantly complains that your natural inclination is to run away or to protect yourself. Most often, though, we’re not even conscious of our reactions, and instead, we just notice that we feel resentful, more tired or more anxious around this other person, or our body might start twitching or telling us that we’re uncomfortable. These are the emotional or physical responses that we aren’t connecting with the person.

Only changing our own behavior:

Of course, once you’ve recognized that you have a tendency to complain and that there are some deeper emotional concerns, then you have to set about changing the behavior. And one of the largest and hardest insights to come to grips with is recognizing that no amount of complaining, whether it be to the person who has triggered our frustration or to a trusted friend, will actually change the behavior of the person who is the source of what you’re feeling (our partner, our boss, or our child.) Instead, we can only change our own behavior. On a deep level, if we are wanting compassion from another person, then we first have to start extending compassion to them. If we are wanting more respect, then we must first extend the same. We must only look to ourselves for a change in behavior, and not rely on someone else’s behavior to change in order for us to be happy.

My wish for you today is to pause before you complain to someone and check in with yourself regarding what is truly going on inside.

Do you find yourself surrounded by people who constantly complain? People who just consistently bitch and moan about almost everything? They seem to look at the cup as being half empty instead of half full. Everything seems wrong and nothing seems right. They complain about the weather, their coworkers, their partners, the government, their children, traffic, and in-laws. They constantly talk about how great life used to be and how things are so different now.

Are you an energy vampire?

Or perhaps you find yourself seeing the negative side instead of looking at what might be positive and then dumping those thoughts into other people’s energy fields with complaints. And this pattern of “awfulizing” is contagious. When one person begins to go down this complaining pathway, then those of us around him or her tend to also jump on the bandwagon, usually without even realizing that we are doing so.

But why is this so wrong? We might think that we’re just expressing our opinions, and that we have a right to our feelings. And the answer is that of course we have a right to our opinions, however the way to transmute these feelings of frustration or anxiety regarding another person’s behavior is not to vent these opinions onto others. Indeed, complaining can have serious consequences. As Guy Winch, PhD and author says: when we have so many dissatisfactions and frustrations, yet believe we’re powerless to do much about them or to get the results we want, [then] we are left feeling helpless, hopeless, victimized, and bad about ourselves.

The person listening to us will feel this exposure to negativity as a serious drain on their own energy, often without realizing it. I describe people who tend to consistently complain and dump their stuff on others as energy vampires. You might notice when you get around someone who constantly complains that your natural inclination is to run away or to protect yourself. Most often, though, we’re not even conscious of our reactions, and instead, we just notice that we feel resentful, more tired or more anxious around this other person, or our body might start twitching or telling us that we’re uncomfortable. These are the emotional or physical responses that we aren’t connecting with the person.

Only changing our own behavior:

Of course, once you’ve recognized that you have a tendency to complain and that there are some deeper emotional concerns, then you have to set about changing the behavior. And one of the largest and hardest insights to come to grips with is recognizing that no amount of complaining, whether it be to the person who has triggered our frustration or to a trusted friend, will actually change the behavior of the person who is the source of what you’re feeling (our partner, our boss, or our child.) Instead, we can only change our own behavior. On a deep level, if we are wanting compassion from another person, then we first have to start extending compassion to them. If we are wanting more respect, then we must first extend the same. We must only look to ourselves for a change in behavior, and not rely on someone else’s behavior to change in order for us to be happy.

My wish for you today is to pause before you complain to someone and check in with yourself regarding what is truly going on inside.