21 Tips to Beat Anxiety with Dr. Dawn Elise Snipes

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kcZXl0Yr-QU

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Hi everybody and welcome to happiness and brain  surgery with dr dawn elise snipes practical tools to improve   your mood and quality of life today we’re going to  be talking about 21 practical tips to beat anxiety   this is based on a book that i’ve got  coming out in two months it’s in the  
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in press right now happiness isn’t brain surgery  100 plus practical tips to beat anxiety so look   for that to be released in june of 2018 so not  too long now we’re going to go over 21 of the tips   that are in that book right now to give you an  idea of some things that you can start doing now  
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instead of having to wait till june to deal with  your anxiety so the first one and i’ve talked   about this in different situations is learning the  difference between emotional and factual reasoning   just because you may feel anxious doesn’t mean  that it’s necessarily a threatening or dangerous  
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situation when i get ready to go to a social  function i get a little bit butterfly in my   stomach i get a little bit of anxiety i’m not one  to do mixers so i get a little bit of anxiety but   emotional reasoning would mean that i’m thinking  about all the reasons that i need to be scared  
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before i go into that situation  factual reasoning is backing up and   thinking factually about the situation i’m going  to this mixer there’s a lot of other people there   many of them probably feel like me um and you  know this is what i’m going to do the facts of  
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the matter are that it doesn’t have to be scary  nobody at the mixer is going to try to embarrass   me or humiliate me um any potential perceived  threats are pretty much all in my own head   so it’s important to separate emotional from  factual learn to differentiate what’s actually  
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happening happening from what you’re currently  thinking about sometimes you can be going in   and doing something and thinking about the worst  possible scenario thinking that the sky is going   to fall for example and in reality it’s not that  bad when we have a storm come through for example  
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last year we had a significant portion of our  fence blown down in a storm that came through   which is kind of a big deal when you’ve got you  know equines and chickens and ducks and everybody   to keep contained and it kind of freaked me out a  little bit so now when we have a storm i can get a  
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little bit anxious at first and i need to remember  you know what’s actually happening right now is   it’s a storm it’s no big deal we’ve had hundreds  of them factual and what’s happening now not   what i’m currently thinking about which is what  happened last year so i need to get my head out of  
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the past because the past is the past and there’s  no nothing saying that it has to ever occur again   so focusing on what is actually happening now if  you’ve been in a car accident before for example   then you might get stressed out when you’re in  heavy traffic again what is actually happening  
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now yes traffic is heavy but you’re safe you’ve  got good distance between you and the people in   front of you you know if you feel the need to  you can get all the way over into the right   lane so you have an exit strategy should you feel  like it’s getting too you know claustrophobic or  
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something but that’s what’s happening now you’re  not currently in danger you’re just going with the   flow the third thing you can do is try to prove  yourself wrong show yourself that your thoughts   have no basis in truth so if you’re worried about  you know a rash you’ve got go to the doctor and  
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confirm that you aren’t dying of some incurable  disease which is what you may be thinking about   or ask someone how they feel about you if you  don’t know so if you’re wondering if so-and-so   hates you instead of stressing about it ask them  you know prove yourself wrong or right but at  
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least you’ll have an answer you’ll have a factual  answer not just an emotion based answer don’t live   in the gray area when answers are available  to you sometimes there aren’t any answers   sometimes you have a gray area but if there are  answers available get them so you can let go of  
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that anxiety or deal with it and move on number  four is stop trying to navigate the path while the   hallway is dark you know that old saying that when  one door closes another door opens and the follow   on to that is but those hallways are a [ __ ]  yeah um it’s dark before that other door opens and  
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the first one is closed you’re in a dark hallway  that’s okay you know don’t try to make decisions   when the hallway is dark when you can’t see what’s  going on and this is what happens when you’re   upset you kind of get tunnel vision when you get  a lot of adrenaline going through your system you  
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get tunnel vision and that can make things dark it  can make it harder to see all of your options so   wait until you’re less upset get in your wise mind  before you make any life-altering decisions you   know you may decide when you’re upset something  bad happens at work you’re anxious about something  
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you may decide that you need to go on a walk okay  that’s fine but when you’re anxious and upset   and right in the midst of it it’s not the time  to say well i’m going to quit my job no no the   hallway’s dark you need to be able to look at what  are at least three options that you can consider  
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when you are trying to figure out what to do  number five is to unhook from your emotions   instead of saying i am terrified say i am having  the thought that i’m terrified and you may think   to yourself you know whatever you know that’s  just semantics but think about it this way  
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if you are a smoker for example or you like  chocolate cake if you think to yourself i have   to have a piece of chocolate cake or i have to  have a cigarette it feels like it has to be done   you know there’s just no question if you say to  yourself i’m having the thought that i have to  
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have a piece of chocolate cake or a cigarette  then that thought you can choose to act on   or not act on so it’s separating it and making  it so it’s something that you can put away fire can burn your house down or it can cook your  dinner each night and keep you warm in the winter  
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which means it can be bad or it can be good your  mind is the same way will you let it burn you out   and cause you to feel helpless and hopeless  just spinning around with anxiety and what ifs   and oh my goodnesses or will it help you  turn into macgyver and whenever you face  
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a challenge or something that makes you anxious  it will help you view that as a challenge and   find creative solutions your mind can  do either one it can keep you spinning   you know i don’t know if you know the younger  people listening may remember sitting spins  
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we had those when i was little you sat on this  little disc and you turned and you just spun   around in it in the same place until you got  dizzy and that’s all it did and that’s what   happens when we get stuck with our emotions  we’re on our own little personal sit and spin  
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it’s not going to do any any good  except for make us sick to our stomach   now if we take that energy and instead of sitting  and spinning we use it to address the challenge   and view it as a problem that can be solved then  we’re going to make some more forward progress
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number seven realize that thoughts can be merely  illusions think about all the things that you’ve   thought about and worried about that have turned  out to be nothing at all you know you got yourself   all in a tizzy over nothing think of all the time  you wasted preparing for outcomes that would never  
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happen the what ifs i mean i’m i’ll admit i’m bad  i’m one of those people who usually has not only   a plan b but also a plan c but i stop at plan  c i know people who have planned d e and f and   you know that takes a lot of time and energy to  have all those backup plans so in the future when  
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you start to worry ask yourself if what you’re  worried about is factual and probable so if   you’re getting ready to go take an exam um you  know you can worry that you’re going to fail it   but you know that’s a lot of worry and you  can start figuring out what you’re going to  
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do if you fail that test which means you’re  probably going to fail the class which means   you can work yourself up into this whole  catastrophic situation or you can say is   it factual is it probable that i’m going to fail  this exam well if you’ve done what you needed to  
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probably not when you when people go in to have  their hiv test done there’s typically a lot of   anxiety going in to do that and so people can  get really worried and start coming up with   all these plans of how they’re gonna tell people  and what they’re gonna do if they’re positive and  
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what they’re gonna how life will change and all  this kind of stuff and they get their results   back in their negative and they expended amazing  amounts of energy planning for the worst case   scenario so sometimes especially if there’s  an answer to it you know you’re not living  
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in the gray area you’re getting ready to get the  answer sometimes you have to be patient and just   have faith that you will be able to handle  whatever the answer is otherwise you could be   going in the completely wrong direction with with  your plans follow it to the end is number eight  
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think about whatever you’re worried about then  imagine realistically what will happen and follow   it to its conclusion your boss leaves a message on  your desk that he needs to talk to you on monday   at 9am be in his office well that can be a  little bit intimidating no matter who you are  
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if your boss is doing that and then  you’ve got all weekend to worry about it   so imagine realistically what’s going to happen  so think about you know have you been doing your   job have you been a decent employee all right are  things does the business seem to be going well or  
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are they laying people off realistically is he  going to call you in individually if he’s going   to do layoffs no so going through all those  things in the in your head you can figure out   with reasonable accuracy what is likely going to  happen um and at least whether the worst thing  
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is likely going to happen if you go through those  things and you say yeah i’ve been being a good   employee i’ve been on time i’ve done all these  things the business is doing well you know i   don’t think there’s anything that i could  be in trouble for so i don’t know what he  
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wants wish i did but i don’t and then you can  distract yourself for the rest of the weekend   because you follow it to its conclusion if there’s  nothing major that you’ve done wrong then likely   you’re not going to lose your job likely you’re  not going to get demoted none of those awful  
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things are going to happen likely you will meet  with him and he’ll say whatever he has to say   and then you’ll go on about your business if you  stick with fact-based probable scenarios you will   often find that the outcome is not that scary you  know if you look over it and you go yeah i’ve been  
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late six days out of the last 15 and i haven’t  gotten my work done in a month well then yeah you   probably need to make some plans but at this point  there’s nothing much that you can do to change it   change what whatever he’s got to say so being  aware of what is likely and probable to happen  
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remember the average person has over 50 000  thoughts every day heck i had four thoughts   before i even got out of bed this morning i woke  up and i’ve got a foster kitty staying in my room   and my first thought was where’s vicki and then  she was up on my bed and my second thought was  
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that’s different she’s you know sitting  on my feet instead of on her pillow   and my third thought was i don’t really want  to get out of bed this morning and you know   just kept going on fifty thousand thoughts  some are happy some are sad some are fearful  
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if you were asked how many of your fifty  thousand thoughts you remember today   it’s likely going to be less than a hundred  you know you can remember that you thought   about what to eat for breakfast you can remember  that you decided whether or not to go to the gym  
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you know those are thoughts that you can probably  think back and remember but if you really had   to start thinking you know i bet you would be  hard-pressed to come up with more than a hundred so you’re going to have some scary thoughts  that’s okay let them go thoughts are just  
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illusions they come in and they go out it’s kind  of like think about clouds if you’ve ever made   cloud pictures cloud pictures um you know you’re  laying on your back you’re watching the clouds and   they morph into something and it’s a dinosaur  or a whale or something and that’s awesome  
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and it’s it it’s exciting and then it turns into  something else our thoughts are the same way   you know they don’t have to stay stuck in anxiety   ride the wave is number 10. and we’ve talked  about this one before feelings come peak in  
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about 20 minutes and subside just like waves come  in and crest and and go out unless you feed them   if you’re anxious and you start thinking about  all the reasons you need to be anxious and you   start thinking about all the possible worst case  scenarios that could happen or what if in yourself  
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you’re going to stay stuck you’re feeding that  anxiety you know imagine if you’ve ever played um   don’t cut the rope the little green monster on  that he’s so cute but imagine feeding him imagine   that to your anxiety monster and every time you  have a catastrophic thought you’re just feeding  
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him and giving him energy if you ride the wave  acknowledge that you’re anxious you know but if   your boss leaves that note on your desk you may be  anxious so all weekend periodically you may have   that thought i wonder what my boss wants to talk  to me about you know that’s kind of intimidating  
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acknowledge it say that’s that’s  stressful i’m anxious about that   but there’s nothing i can do about it right now  and what can you do to improve the next moment   and focusing on that and dwelling on it  is not going to improve the next moment  
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so ride the wave let your feelings come in  acknowledge them go do something distract   yourself you’ll check in a few minutes later  and you’ll go what you’ll probably say you   know what i don’t feel as stressed out right now  you know it’s that feeling’s starting to go away  
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now some feelings like grief can linger for a  while you know i’m not saying that all feelings   are going to come in and go out but anxiety  is one of those that if we start looking at   the positive if we start looking at the facts  if we start really evaluating the situation  
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instead of using emotion-based reasoning and  worst case scenarios our anxiety can go away don’t swat the bee and this is another one that  i’ve talked about in some of the other podcasts   our urges are what happen when we have a feeling  and we want it to go away when you have that  
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feeling of anxiety you want to make it stop it’s  unpleasant it’s like when a bee lands on your arm   you want it to go away because you’re afraid  it’s gonna sting you and that’s gonna hurt   so you wanna your urge is to swat at it to  get it to get off of you well if you swat  
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at it you’re increasing the likelihood that it’s  going to sting you most of the time it won’t so   just like you let the bee fly off on his own and  everybody’s happy when you have anxiety don’t act   impulsively don’t do the first thing that comes  to mind to make the anxiety stop because a lot  
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of times that’s not going to be your best choice  let yourself get rid of some of the adrenaline   get into your wise mind think of three options  for how to handle this situation and then choose   from there by the time you do all that stuff the  adrenaline is gone down but until you can think of  
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three potential options or scenarios  then you’re still in that adrenaline haze   embrace the dialectics as number 12. try to figure  out how two seemingly contradictory things can   be true such as this relationship i’m in may end  you know it can’t some people get really anxious  
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that they’re going to be abandoned or that  a relationship’s going to end and it may   end but you can also be okay you know and both of  those things can be true it’s hard to imagine but   both of them can be true somebody could be  anxious that they’re going to lose their job  
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and you know because there are a bunch of  layoffs happening at the company so they   could start having a lot of stress about that  but remembering that they could still lose their   job but it doesn’t mean they’ll lose their family  they’ll still have their family they’ll still have  
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other things that are important to them so  remembering and embracing the dialectics   there are going to be some bad things but those  bad things will be balanced by good things and   can even create opportunities if you lose your job  maybe you’ll be in a better one that’s more secure  
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look for opportunity in the angst worry tells you  that something might need to change if you’re in a   relationship and you’re worried that it’s going to  end that tells me that there’s something going on   either it’s an unhealthy relationship or the  communication is poor or you’ve got some stuff  
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that you need to deal with something is going  on that’s making you feel either unlovable or   feel like the relationship is going to end so  that’s what worry tells you okay well that’s fine   thank you for alerting me to the fact that  something might need to change mr worry monster  
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now what’s the opportunity how can i embrace this  and say what can i do to improve this situation   opportunities make up the majority of the iceberg  that is in in the reality you don’t yet know and   can’t yet see so if you’re in this relationship  and it ends you know that’s the tip of the iceberg  
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and that’s the thing you don’t really want to  know about and you don’t really want to see and   that’s the awful thing the elephant in the middle  of the room so to speak but underneath the water   the bottom of that iceberg is much much bigger  and it’s all the opportunities that wait for you  
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now that you’re not in that relationship so  how can this be an opportunity for you to grow   to meet someone new to explore something to  maybe get a job somewhere else and move to   a different state start over again who knows what  are the opportunities number 14 is to change your  
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objective the goal shouldn’t be to feel good all  the time nobody’s going to feel good all the time   the goal is to be able to express a healthy range  of emotion without suppressing it or suffering   you know if you don’t have any days when  you’re sad that mean likely means you don’t  
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have anything that’s important to you that you’ve  lost and you know things that are important to us   we occasionally lose we lose pets we lose you  know whatever relationships we lose people   people die we lose jobs we lose hopes we lose  dreams we lose things and when we lose those  
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things we’re going to feel sad that’s your  brain’s way of saying that was important   we’re gonna miss that okay you know so acknowledge  it experience it and improve the next moment   you don’t have to feel good all the time matter  of fact if you felt good all the time it wouldn’t  
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be that rewarding you’d just be like yeah this  is normal now if you have occasional sad days   and occasionally get a little bit irritable then  when you feel happy you’re like oh i like this   we’ll we’ll do this for quite a while so you feel  a difference and you feel that depth of emotion  
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remember yin and yang and if you look at it  you have the circle and then the little you   know apostrophe looking things that are together  but in each one there’s a little bit of the other   in yin there’s a little bit of yang and in  yang there’s a little bit of yin you can’t have  
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pure happiness you know there’s always going to  be a little bit of stuff that’s not going quite   right or not exactly the way you want but it  doesn’t mean you can’t be the majority of happy   when there’s unpleasantness and it  can feel like there’s a lot of it  
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but if you look in that unpleasantness  there’s going to be a little bit of happiness   a little bit of opportunity a little  bit of something to be grateful for   so it’s embracing the depth and quality of those  emotions recognizing that okay anxiety is is on  
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kind of on the dark side how can we turn this  into an opportunity to learn and to grow and   express the full range of emotions develop  hardiness commitment control and challenge   heartiness means that you understand that there  are dozens of things that make your life rich and  
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meaningful and you’re committed to those things  now occasionally one of those is going to go wonky   and you’re gonna have to deal with it but  while you’re dealing with that wonky thing   the other 11 things or more in your life that make  it rich and meaningful and that you’re committed  
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to they’re still going well so for example if  work starts to go a little bit haywire and you’re   unhappy at your job all right you got to deal with  that but it’s allowing you to put a roof over your   head and you you like your house it’s allowing  you to put food on the table and feed your family  
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you’ll love your family they’re really important  so your commitment to all those things makes life   worth living even though this thing over  here not going so well right now control   is the second part of it once you’re looking  at all those things that you’re committed to  
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most of them you don’t have a hundred percent  control over that’s just life so focusing only   on the things that you have control over if you  try to change things you don’t have control over   you’re going to make yourself depressed  anxious upset irritable so don’t do it  
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ask yourself is this something i actually  can control we can’t control other people we   can’t control other people’s reactions we can  control what we do you know the person who is   worried that he’s going to get laid off or  fired you know they he can’t control whether  
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the business is doing well he can’t control what  his colleagues are doing all he can control is   whether he goes to work gets there on time  and does his job that part is in his control um irrational thoughts it’s important  to think about irrational thoughts as  
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something your brain is telling you that’s kind  of extreme like i must be loved by everybody all   the time or the world is going to end oftentimes  irrational thoughts are products of traumas that   you’ve yet to fully acknowledge or deal with  so if you grew up in a chaotic home environment  
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and you have a lot of anxiety about  relationships ending and people abandoning you   you may have some irrational thoughts that  are telling you that you’re not lovable or   you’re going to be abandoned that stem from that  childhood trauma so when you start getting anxious  
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you need to ask yourself what am i  afraid of and why am i afraid of it   what is this really a threat right now so what  am i afraid of this relationship ending why   am i afraid of it because i don’t want to be  abandoned um is this really a threat right now  
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when you’re six fearing that a parent is going  to abandon you is threatening when you are 26   fearing that a relationship is going to end  you know it’s unpleasant but you can still   feed yourself you can meet new people you can  go go on about your life so it’s likely not as
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imperative that you maintain that relationship  so you know think about when you start getting   anxious is this a reaction caused by something  in my past or is this a reaction to something   that’s going on now except the fact that everyone  everywhere has weird incorrect disturbing thoughts  
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that have no bearing on reality we all have  catastrophic thoughts sometimes you’re not a freak   you’re probably not sick you just have to  learn to not be intimidated by your own mind   your mind takes in information but ironically  it’s really not that smart so we have to help  
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it interpret that information if i hear a loud  noise outside you know it may sound like a gunshot   but it could be a car back firing so initially  i’ll have a startle reaction because it was a   loud noise and i think oh my gosh you know  there’s a gunshot and then reality sets in  
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and i go no i’m in downtown you know there’s  parking lot outside it was probably a car back   firing so making sure that you check yourself and  check your thoughts to make sure that you’re not   just making a catastrophe when you  completely misinterpret this situation  
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stop gauging how bad things are by how much you  panic the more you panic the more you panic so   if you get nervous about going to the doctor  and think oh this must be really bad because   i’m really stressed out then you’re going to get  yourself even more stressed out because your heart  
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rate’s going to go up and your breathing is going  to go faster which is going to cause your body to   release more stress chemicals so you’re going to  feel worse so don’t assume that because you feel   really bad really anxious that it’s really that  bad you could have got talked yourself into it  
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so instead of gauging how bad  things are by how much you panic   remember to gauge things how bad things are based  on facts for it being a catastrophe and against it   being a catastrophe what are the actual facts  in the situation identify your comfort zones  
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and step back into them now and again you  didn’t think i’d ever say that did you   a lot of times i’m saying step out of your  comfort zone well it can be anxiety provoking   moving past the place that you’re comfortable  with out of your comfort zone is a gradual process  
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going too quickly is a recipe for stress so when  we take students and i just did a class today on   helping students transition from high school to  college that is a huge jump from one comfort zone   to a discomfort zone so to speak because students  just aren’t used to living on their own and have  
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being away from mom and dad and all those  different things so it causes a lot of stress   in college freshmen but the same thing is  true if it’s a new job or whatever it is   go in slowly you know dip your toe in see  how it feels just like when you’re getting  
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into a cold pool well at least me i don’t do  a cannonball into the pool i put my toe in   let my feet get used to it then let my calves  get used to it and i ease myself in so it isn’t   quite as much of a shock to my system and  it doesn’t cause me as as much discomfort  
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but you can practice and this is  number 20 practice healthy discomfort   this means lean into your stress don’t resist it  acknowledge that you’re anxious and go okay this   means i’m getting outside my comfort zone  which means i’m growing and that’s awesome  
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means this is a challenge and that’s a little  intimidating but it’s also exciting accept how   you feel and remember you can tolerate it  think back to times in the past when you’ve   been anxious and you’ve worked through a  situation it wasn’t the end of the world  
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think about times in the past when you’ve  been anxious and ways you’ve coped with it   you know i’m not asking you to lean into it and  do it all by yourself you know call on those past   strengths and tools that you’ve used to deal  with the anxiety instead of running from it  
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finally practice radical acceptance learn  to acknowledge the parts of your story you’d   rather ignore forget or not admit so choose  to love your home your body and your work   instead of saying you know i am fat ugly and  useless and being upset or saying everybody’s  
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going to abandon me because i’m not lovable um you  know let’s practice radical acceptance you are who   you are and you can choose to hate yourself or you  can choose to love yourself you can choose to hate   where you live and be miserable about it and go  around like oscar the grouch or you can choose to  
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love where you live and make it a home and  decide to change whatever you think needs to be   changed choose to build your life from a place of  gratitude and vision you know maybe you don’t love   everything about yourself right now that’s okay  that means you’ve got room for growth so embrace  
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yourself love yourself as a human being and  say okay now there are things i need to work on   and use that vision to figure out where you want  to go from here because you’ve got a long way to   go on your life journey life’s journey when  you build your life from gratitude and vision  
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then you’re using your energy to grow and move  forward instead of run from your own fears so remember anxiety is your body’s response to  what it thinks might be a threat it’s like that   faulty fire alarm that goes off it’s trying to  warn you but in reality there’s nothing to be  
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warned about there are many ways to address  your anxiety including getting good nutrition   avoiding too many stimulants getting plenty of  sleep so you’re not exhausted and over tired   exercise which releases serotonin get social  support you know reach out to those friends  
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and change your perspective so instead  of looking at the worst possible scenario   you’re saying what’s the best thing that could  happen or how have i handled similar situations   before because i can do this and add some  happiness to your life you know you really  
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can’t just eliminate anxiety or just  eliminate depression if you eliminate   it then there’s nothing you need to  add some happiness to take its place   and that will help you start addressing your  anxiety if you like this podcast please subscribe
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Published by

Leaman Ralph

Really sugar is shaky because it originates from a straight stick see the play is Granny yes Grandma plus new style luv MaryJane so listen (Granny Apple last years blue ribbon production winner AKA) I, I, I ain't on the right side of my house Jane something or the other is in my room: finally after an extermination Grannie speaks once more "let my (old man) Pacman step on it". See it is home on the range so solo as it be truity speaks got a problem it is your own. But alter scenario: Z/n time; narcotics I got that candy s.p.ee..d360 Bar itch its' and Mickey Mouse for the Sultan 7 1 4er well a hem a hem, it went early in the morning like a smack chanting sugar structure 7 -one 1 +eleven and 4 do an ate 'er 8 eight 'er? Well that aint nice. NARCO says do you know them numbers change (response) Yes it is a FiX they are MF's Ope yeah Ope Douglas is it. Surrounded by Alkaloid is both Mary and Grandma in an never ending circle of membership. French mandates declare put up their dukes... ZEN Pepsi can talk half Chocolate and your ole man Pacman down in Cuba posing as the worlds one and only Coffee Wizard "back 1:1" tis Coffee time... ||