Here’s What It’s Like When Everyone Thinks Your Girlfriend Is Your Carer

I have an enormous penis. Am I allowed to say that? Off to a great start! But seriously, I was born with a disease called spinal muscular atrophy that causes my muscles to waste away as I get older. I’ve been in a wheelchair since I was about 3 years old and my body is incredibly weak, so I rely on people to help me with pretty much every aspect of staying alive.

Our first date wasn’t strictly speaking a date, but it was our first meal together one on one. We were both ridiculously nervous to even be in the same room together, but the wheelchair had nothing to do with that. My first time driving his van was slightly nerve-wracking, but only because the vehicle was older than I am and probably not the safest thing to have on the road. At the restaurant, we sat next to each other, laughed at our stupid shyness and just enjoyed exploring each other’s minds.

I think that by far the strangest thing to me was having a stranger approach the table to congratulate Shane on the success of his book and his column in the Morning Call [a Pennsylvania newspaper]. The whole fame thing isn’t something I’m used to. But cutting his food, giving him sips of his ‘dicksweat’, also known as beer, and remembering to drive slowly enough to avoid setting Shane’s head off-balance were things that came without a second thought.

It was never really a question for me as to whether we could make a relationship work. From pretty early on in our friendship, Shane was practically throwing himself at me. I’m kidding, but we did both express that we had hopes of some day having a romantic relationship, though we agreed that it was best to get to know each other first.

I realised very early on that Anna was smarter and funnier than me, and I knew right then that I wanted a relationship with her if that’s what she wanted.

People are overall very nice about the whole wheelchair thing; they hold doors for us and tend to be respectful of our space, which is lovely. But there are definitely occasions where I’ve felt the taboo of disability creeping up on us. For example if we’re out to dinner, until Shane opens his mouth, waiters tend to look at me to tell them his order. It isn’t a huge deal for either of us, I don’t think. We usually ignore little things like that because it most often comes from a genuine lack of understanding, which is entirely valid.

In my 22 years of being in a wheelchair I’ve learned to roll my eyes and laugh at this sort of behaviour. But it is rather annoying. Anna and I make light of these situations by screwing with them.

Anna and I really connected over writing. We both majored in English and found that we can talk for hours about books we’ve read, or pieces that we’re currently working on. We may or may not even be working on a book together.

We’re both warm-weather people, and neither of us, Shane in particular, enjoys being cold very much. So most of our outings up until now have been indoor and food related. But we look forward to all kinds of outdoor adventures when the snow melts. We’re actually planning a southern mini-vacation in a few weeks to get a headstart on spring temperatures!