Things Are Really Bad Right Now…

hey guys so um I guess I’m just making this video is kind of like an update video kind of thing this is honestly in a lot of ways like a really sad video um I’m sorry to say it but um it just kind of feels weird right now I guess like with this just happening this week I guess just kind of going making normal videos and just kind of ignoring it I guess so I guess that’s kind of why I’m making this video today yeah I’m not going to lie to you guys honestly like it’s been like a really awful just really sad week in a lot of ways of course on the camera you know I always want to try to be positive for you guys and stuff and still trying to do that but yeah um a lot of you guys probably know um because I’ve already kind of imposed to kind of my other socials and stuff that my grandma unfortunately passed away um this week um it was like almost a week ago today when I’m making this so it’s kind of crazy I feel like time has just been like really weird right now and this has been not really the best time in a lot of ways this week right now this week like things have just been really awful and things have just been so sad obviously like I’m so sad to lose her and just really miss her a lot already and I don’t know I guess it’s just been a really crazy time because she’s been with us now guys for like so many years even growing up like when I was a kid she was around a lot she was like always at her house and I guess like this happening like um like things have honestly been getting pretty bad because I think that my grandma had like Alzheimer’s or dementia you know something like that where like it causes like a lot of like memory issues and things like that especially lately like things have just been getting like pretty bad it’s still just kind of like I don’t know it’s still so sad to just kind of like finally see that happen and throughout all of this we just kind of been trying to do like everything that we can help her and be there for her and have nurses over bring her to like appointments or anything like that like whenever she needed it so um you know not that this is about us this is like about her even growing up like I spent like so much time around her and she’d like always be over and um you know we just were together a lot in a way I guess that kind of makes it even harder just because like you know you grew up having this person around so much and now they’re not anymore a lot of like good memories with her when I was younger like my grandma always loved the beach so like every summer we’d go to Rhode Island and she would always come with us which was really nice and then when I was in school she would like be around her house a lot so my school would like do this thing called like Grandparents Day like she would like come by in school and like kind of just like spend the day and it was always really nice having her there and I always really appreciated her coming I still remember like there was a trip we took her to in Chicago go and crazy now guys but um when I was like really young I was like a really big Jonas brother fan and my grandma came to see a concert there she got to meet their bodyguard Big Rob I think she met the Jonas Brothers too I’m like it’s so long ago now that like I kind of don’t remember I remember she actually really liked them she was like oh they were so good and yeah she um she loved them and she liked that trip and everything and you know it’s just really fun like traveling with her and you know I’ll always be really grateful for like all those good times that we had and I don’t know you guys like just kind of like the last few months like seeing like how bad um like I guess thanks for getting with her it’s just been really sad and really scary sometimes we were having nurses coming over almost every day also just kind of trying to like help and you know be there and um you know like doctors like physical therapists she was having like speech people coming over because she was having swallowing issues as well like the last few months and yeah I don’t know it’s definitely just been a really really like crazy time and for me it’s just kind of like I really like hate to see my grandma being in pain at all I guess that’s one thing is like at least now she’s free of that in a way but it’s still just really sad yeah it’s just really sad to like witness that for a while now things have been getting like just really bad I’m never trying to like complain too much or anything like that but this is kind of like a dedicated video about this whole thing so I guess here hopefully it’s okay to talk about it I’m definitely not trying to be like oh feel bad for me guys or anything like that you know I totally get I was really lucky to have so many years with her and I’ll always be really grateful for that too it’s really sad I guess like you know seeing her in so much pain and also now a lot of my family has been taking it really hard and I hate seeing them in pain so I’ve also been trying to be there for them as much as I can sometimes I feel bad because it’s like you know there’s nothing like I can really do to make it better but I still want to like obviously try and stuff and yeah and um because like I won’t fully get into it but you know just like what she was dealing with like it was definitely getting really bad I think in like a way it’s like of course I know like she wasn’t going to live forever she did live a really good long life you know she was 95 years old yeah it’s just I guess still just like seeing it finally happen and also seeing like my family being I’m so upset and everything like that is just really hard for a while also my grandma was just kind of like in and out of the hospital and we were always trying to bring her there whenever she needed to go but the last visit she was there was actually pretty recent and it was really scary because like when they were discharging her I was kind of surprised they were discharging her because she was just seeming still really bad like honestly when I saw her in there it was kind of scary she just seemed like so out of it she wasn’t very responsive and I was kind of like even the day they were releasing her it really wasn’t that much better coming home it’s like there would be moments that were like a little bit better which of course that’s always good to see but also a lot of times that I guess kind of were just like not like where she’s still just kind of like stay unresponsive and the hospital already released her so it’s just kind of like we just kind of have nurses home helping and it’s just kind of hard to know like what to think and now I guess this is where we’re at so yeah but like last hospital visit was like pretty worrying and I’m definitely not trying to make this like a feel sorry for me video or anything like that like you know I just kind of want to update you guys on the situation I know a lot of you guys really love seeing her in my videos too it’s like I almost didn’t even know if I should like make this video or not make it like if there’s any point or not but it’s just like the reason I guess I kind of decided to is because like I kind of said earlier it just kind of feels weird I guess just kind of going and making a normal video right now and not addressing it at all on here so I guess that’s why I’m making this so hopefully that’s okay but um I will definitely say you know I always will be really grateful for the times that I did have with her and for having her around as long as I did and that she lived to be like 95 which even though it’s like really sad that she is gone now you know I guess I can just kind of hope that she’s at peace and pray for that and um you know just be grateful for the times that like we did have together and I always will be really grateful for those times I also just really did want to like get on camera and say thank you so much to every single person that has sent me such nice messages honestly this has been like a really hard week so every single person that message that has messaged me I really want you guys to know that like I just appreciate that so much and um it really means so much right now guys like that’s one thing that at least makes me feel a little bit better so thank you guys so much for that also I’m sorry that I know I have not been the most active this week um which hopefully you guys understand one thing that I kind of do want to address and like make clear is like the day before this happened I was actually having a really fun night and a really fun day like on Tick Tock I was on there a long time that day because I’ve been doing a lot of tick tock live which I’m doing a lot more of now which I definitely want to keep doing because I’ve been having a lot of fun on their um I was actually having a great couple weeks and then and then this day happened but you know I guess sometimes things in life can just change really fast but yeah there was like people thinking that that night or like that day was the day I was just on Tick Tock having fun um and I just want to be clear to you guys that absolutely not I was not like whoa I’m so happy like whatever that day at all um that was actually the day before that was I think Sunday and then this happened Monday so literally things went from being like really happy to the next day literally my grandma passed it was just a lot of crying around the house it was a lot you know so I just want to be clear that was not the same day I was like not partying on Tick Tock that happened the next day I think even though like you know we were seeing a lot of things going like you still never really expect it at least that’s kind of how it was for me and that was the next day that was not the same day I’ve been seeing some comments saying that and like making some really just not so nice jokes and jokes about me at the funeral and it’s like and it’s just kind of like I don’t know it’s like I don’t I’m not going to focus on that too much because I really appreciate the people that have been being so so nice but yeah the people that are thinking that or that I’m doing anything like disrespectful to her at the funeral or anything like that it’s like no that’s definitely not the case that would never be the case I would hope most you guys know that and yeah literally that happened on the next day that she passed so that was to totally separate days this is like the grandma from my mom’s side and it’s crazy because she has a lot of people past um on pretty much almost everyone that’s like on her dad’s side and now my grandma and that’s both her fire and said I think she’s just kind of been taking it like really hard so I feel so bad seeing that and I’ve really been trying to be there for her as much as I can out of respect for my family some of them don’t like being online so I always want to respect that and I never want to you know kind of like call them out by name or like you know put them out there if they don’t want to be out there but also some of them like have been taking it really bad and I feel so bad seeing that you know and of course like you know I want to try to be there for them if I can sometimes I feel really bad because I’m not always like even sure what to do and you know I always try to like just like tell them even if there’s anything I can do of course I want to but it’s just kind of so hard to know like what to do in this situation and sometimes even they’ll tell me or you know I kind of know like there’s really nothing I can do to like make it better and I feel so bad because like I really wish I could it’s also sad on top of her being gone just seeing them being so sad and just like I guess being around just like so much sadness right now um but you know I guess it just kind of is what it is guys and I guess like  Things Are Really Bad Right Now I just kind of have to try to stay positive and remember the good things and at the same time like I know she’s in like a better place than at peace and everything at least there’s that and in a way I kind of do want to get back online because like you know sometimes my family they just want to be alone and I get that too it’s like I don’t want to be always in the way you know but in a way it’s like that one I’m just kind of by myself and just kind of like in my room it’s like I don’t really feel like that does me any good either or makes anything better because then I’m just kind of being sad doing nothing in my room so I think I am going to try to be online again sorry to you guys if I’m not the most consistent right now or like whatever because it still just kind of is like a really sad like situation but you know I guess I can just try to stay positive and stuff yeah you know try to get back online for you guys and everything and then I just kind of feel like sometimes just sitting around here just kind of doing nothing is just kind of making me more sad um but yeah you guys you know my grandma was a really amazing Grandma um I’ll always love and miss her I am happy it’s like on a four positive thing on a more positive side guys because like ah I’m really sorry to make this video like so depressing I feel like this has been like such a sad like video so I hate to be like that but I am happy that I did get to like share some videos and times with her with you guys on here and I’ll always be grateful for the good times that I did have like I said and you know for the good things in life in general I think that’s always important to focus on even when things are really hard and bad so I don’t want to make this just like all really sad or anything like that and you guys don’t have to feel bad for me by the way I feel like some people are going to like see this video and be like she just wants sympathy or like whatever and it’s like no you know I completely understand I was very lucky to have as much time with her as I did I think even during these really hard times and I think these kind of times are hard for everyone you know it’s also hard like I said I feel especially bad for like my family and everything like that it’s like I think it always is good at the same time to try to focus on the positive things and try to stay as positive as you can so of course I still want to keep going on and keep trying to do that and stuff I did kind of want to share this with you guys though because I know from like the videos that I’ve posted and stuff like that that a lot of you guys also really loved my grandma like those were some of the really positive comments I would get a lot of you guys would be really positive towards her and I think just really also loved my grandma so I just kind of wanted to fill you guys in on that thank you guys so much for all the nice messages and I guess that’s really all I can say about it but next video will probably be more positive guys and I hope all you guys are doing good thank you guys all again so much I love you guys so much and I really appreciate everyone that’s been really kind during this time I guess I will see you guys in my next video so all right thank you guys bye

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— Ralph Leaman (@LeRoyMoco) July 25, 2023

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